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[00:00:00] So you have to drink 9 litres of blood a day to get enough vitamin C. That blokes you out.
[00:00:06] So the way around that is to garnish your victims first. True, put lemons on. Before you drink
[00:00:12] their blood, sprinkle a bit of lemon on them. A little bit of herb. Yeah, any kind of high
[00:00:15] citrus fruit. The Letter V. So it proved to me that the word you call me, vericund. Vericund
[00:00:33] is a D on the end. Be very careful about that. Yeah, because otherwise we're going
[00:00:36] to get a little explicit words thing on our podcast and we don't really want that. No,
[00:00:39] I'd like to keep the naughty words out of this. So tell me what vericund is. It just means
[00:00:44] shy or bashful. Originated in the 16th century. Lovely word and I consider you very vericund.
[00:00:51] My girlfriend said she was introducing me to someone the other day and she went, never
[00:00:54] mind his laddy banter. You? Never mind his laddy banter. He's soft on the inside. He's
[00:01:00] cuddly. I thought laddy banter was some kind of northern comedian. Please welcome to
[00:01:04] the stage laddy banter. Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen. Oh, a pint of
[00:01:08] a mile. My mother-in-law, not saying she's fat but she's got Osran burned into her belly
[00:01:11] button. I called you veggie curious. Yeah, go on. It has two meanings. You decide which
[00:01:16] one you want. Number one, one who is considering the vegetarian lifestyle but has yet to make
[00:01:20] a commitment to it or someone who does more with vegetables than cook them. You're desperately
[00:01:26] trying to get this an explicit content episode, aren't you? Which one do you think you
[00:01:30] might be closer to? I think the first one. It's hard choice. Yeah. Well, I think
[00:01:33] the first one. I have no interest in vegetables outside of eating them. Not even a marrow.
[00:01:39] Not even, no, God, no, not a marrow. If you are veggie curious, be careful not to commit
[00:01:43] veggie suicide. A term used by- Veggie suicide? Yeah, veggie suicide or veggie side, a term
[00:01:47] used by militant raw foodists who refuse to pluck helpless vegetables before they're
[00:01:52] ready for consumption. Well, that's like people who are, oh, what's the phrase
[00:01:56] now? Frutairians or something. Idiots. Yeah. They only eat things that naturally
[00:02:00] fall from the tree or from the ground. They're way through to crop. Yeah. So of course, a
[00:02:04] vegetarian would be another- Do not do that hand gesture when you're talking about-
[00:02:07] I mean, I'm all weak. What are the use for a vegetable where you can be a cannibal vegetarian?
[00:02:14] People who eat meat but only human flesh. Oh, well, that's fine then. Very particular
[00:02:19] request at Morrison's Butchers, isn't it? Yeah, it is. 5% fat. Yeah, have you
[00:02:23] got any Steve? Give us some Steve. I don't know. I came in last week, had a Rebecca.
[00:02:27] I couldn't. I think it's too stringy. Chooey as ffff. And this is the Velcro Fast and
[00:02:31] Podcast. Velcro is a portmanteur of two French words, velours, meaning velvet and
[00:02:35] crochet, meaning hook. The original hook and loop fastener was patented by
[00:02:40] Swiss electrical engineer George de Mestral in 1948. He took his dog for a walk in
[00:02:45] the woods and you get all that stuff that sticks to you. Yeah. That burr on
[00:02:48] whatever. And he went, oh, I'm going to make some money out of this.
[00:02:52] The Velcro is actually a company name, Velcro Industries, who makes products under
[00:02:56] the Velcro umbrella. Wow. So when you say Velcro, you haven't got any Velcro on me
[00:03:02] actually. I haven't got a pair of trainers from the 80s. No. But what you mean is
[00:03:06] a hook and loop fastener. They also do cable ties, hanging picture strips. They
[00:03:10] help secure remotes to the side of the sofa and they help hide your drugs
[00:03:13] under the floorboards. So no one would ever know. I'm looking at you.
[00:03:18] Hey, welcome to the dictionary. We do words and stuff. One letter at a time.
[00:03:22] This week we're on the letter V. You can join in please on Twitter at Thick
[00:03:26] Podcasts. See what we're up to suggest future words. Find us on Facebook as
[00:03:30] well and give us a like. Coming up in a second, we'll do a quiz of the week.
[00:03:34] But first your word workout for Paul Gannon and everyone listening at home.
[00:03:38] An anagram of a V word, eight letters. Nice.
[00:03:42] Jazz veil. Is that V E I L V a l e V a or you can go jazz veil if you really
[00:03:49] like weddings. Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's a beauty treatment. Jazz veil.
[00:03:54] Okay, you got to the end of the podcast to work it out.
[00:03:57] Scrub it down on the newspaper. See I get on answer coming up at the end.
[00:04:01] Hey time for a random game. This is to test your vast knowledge of a V word.
[00:04:08] This is vast a mind. Oh, I love this.
[00:04:14] So here we go. I'm testing your vast knowledge, Paul Gannon of Vanity Smurf.
[00:04:19] Right, six questions all based around the lesser known Smurf.
[00:04:24] Do you say lesser known?
[00:04:25] It just proves your ignorance really because he's been in it since series one
[00:04:29] of the cartoon in the sixties on its first and both the movies.
[00:04:32] So here we go. Your minutes on Vast a Mind on Vanity Smurf.
[00:04:36] Find the time it starts now.
[00:04:39] How do you pronounce Vanity Smurf in French?
[00:04:43] Vanity Smurf.
[00:04:46] Number two, I'm trying to do it master style.
[00:04:49] What was vanity Smurfs occupation?
[00:04:52] Asbestos remove up.
[00:04:55] Papa Smurf in that old house of his number three named two of his four hobbies
[00:04:59] looking into mirrors and smashing mirrors.
[00:05:03] Number four, who voiced Vanity Smurf in both the recent Smurf movies?
[00:05:07] I'm going to go and say
[00:05:10] I don't know. Pass.
[00:05:12] I can't think of a witty answer.
[00:05:13] What is Vanity Smurfs house full of?
[00:05:17] Asbestos.
[00:05:18] And finally, is Vanity Smurf a homosexual?
[00:05:21] It depends on who you ask.
[00:05:24] Paul Gannon, I did badly.
[00:05:26] You scored half a point.
[00:05:28] Oh, OK. One half on Vast a Mind your knowledge of Vanity Smurf.
[00:05:31] We'll go through them.
[00:05:32] Shall we please do number one?
[00:05:33] How do you pronounce Vanity Smurf in French?
[00:05:35] The answer is strump.
[00:05:38] Right.
[00:05:40] He's running for president.
[00:05:41] Number two, what was Vanity Smurfs occupation?
[00:05:43] You said asbestos remover.
[00:05:44] Yeah, I did.
[00:05:45] The answer is beautician.
[00:05:47] Oh, so close.
[00:05:48] Name two of Vanity Smurfs hobbies.
[00:05:50] You said looking in the mirror, you get a point for that.
[00:05:53] Oh, good.
[00:05:54] He has four hobbies looking at himself in the morning, evening and night.
[00:05:57] They're three hobbies.
[00:05:58] And number four, keeping a fresh complexion.
[00:06:00] Oh, good.
[00:06:01] Number four, who voiced Vanity Smurf in the recent Smurfs movies?
[00:06:05] I'm going to play a video.
[00:06:06] I only had a few lines in the first one,
[00:06:08] and it made hundreds of millions of dollars.
[00:06:10] I've got lots of lines in this one,
[00:06:12] which means I guess it's going to make about 17 billion.
[00:06:15] Who do you think that is?
[00:06:16] I don't know.
[00:06:17] I was trying to think of the guy from Simpsons,
[00:06:18] because he does all the voices all the time, and it's not him.
[00:06:20] John Oliver.
[00:06:21] Oh, really?
[00:06:22] Oh, there you go.
[00:06:23] Number five, what is Vanity Smurfs house full of?
[00:06:26] The answer you said was asbestos.
[00:06:28] Yeah.
[00:06:28] Incorrect.
[00:06:29] It's mirrors.
[00:06:30] And obviously...
[00:06:32] I guess.
[00:06:32] It's almost like you dialed out at that point.
[00:06:34] It sounds like you scarumanga.
[00:06:36] And number six is Vanity Smurf homosexual.
[00:06:39] No, we're not sure.
[00:06:41] He's too in love with himself to love anyone else.
[00:06:43] Oh, that's a very good point.
[00:06:44] So on vast of mind, Paul Gannon, you scored half points.
[00:06:46] I'll take it.
[00:06:47] Let's do our big four words this week.
[00:06:49] I tell you go first.
[00:06:50] You hit me with yours.
[00:06:51] All right, OK.
[00:06:51] The first one I have got today is the phrase vague book.
[00:06:54] Is vague booking what you do...
[00:06:58] Well...
[00:06:58] ...increasingly a lot now...
[00:07:00] Yeah.
[00:07:00] ...when you write a nice, ambiguous status?
[00:07:03] That's pretty much it.
[00:07:04] And then we all jump to your defence and go,
[00:07:06] no, Paul, don't fall off the roof.
[00:07:07] We love you.
[00:07:08] Yeah, that's basically it in a nutshell.
[00:07:10] It's a verb.
[00:07:11] It's been coined reasonably recently,
[00:07:13] thanks to the boom of things like Facebook.
[00:07:14] Well, Facebook, because otherwise,
[00:07:16] there's no point in calling it anything else.
[00:07:17] Vague space wouldn't work.
[00:07:19] No, it really wouldn't.
[00:07:20] It's to post vague status updates
[00:07:22] to the Facebook social networking site
[00:07:23] in an attempt to cause attention from friends and followers.
[00:07:26] And I'll be honest,
[00:07:27] I've caught myself doing it way too often recently.
[00:07:29] There's a website called makeusov.com,
[00:07:31] a writer called Dave Parick,
[00:07:32] who broke it all down
[00:07:33] and the kind of types of vague booking that are common.
[00:07:36] One, angry vague booking.
[00:07:38] This is a kind of expression of emotion
[00:07:40] in its most basic form.
[00:07:41] So you'll kind of write things like,
[00:07:43] oh, I'm so angry right now.
[00:07:44] Urgh!
[00:07:45] Or, I'm so confused.
[00:07:47] Or, I can't believe it.
[00:07:49] It's not butter.
[00:07:50] And that's it.
[00:07:51] No other...
[00:07:52] There's no other comment there,
[00:07:53] which is just, oh!
[00:07:54] And then your friends go,
[00:07:55] oh, what set you off now?
[00:07:57] Oh, no, please tell me.
[00:07:58] I really care what your problem is.
[00:08:00] And then similar to that,
[00:08:01] I guess is, why?
[00:08:03] So why me?
[00:08:04] Why God, why?
[00:08:05] Dot, dot, dot.
[00:08:06] You know, those kind of questions.
[00:08:08] That's it though.
[00:08:08] There's no sentence.
[00:08:09] It is just question mark,
[00:08:10] question mark, question mark.
[00:08:11] And people go, what's going on?
[00:08:13] Do you know when you meet someone,
[00:08:15] can you tell as soon as you meet someone
[00:08:17] and you think there's potentially a Facebook connection here,
[00:08:20] whether they're going to be the type of person
[00:08:22] that is likely to bombard your feed
[00:08:24] with vague book updates?
[00:08:26] Well, you know me, so yes.
[00:08:28] You like to rant.
[00:08:30] I have, I have, I have...
[00:08:30] I'm the one with that.
[00:08:31] That's you.
[00:08:32] That's a big part of your personality.
[00:08:34] Yeah.
[00:08:35] So if I'm going to be friends with you,
[00:08:37] I've got to accept that you like or rant.
[00:08:38] Yeah.
[00:08:39] It doesn't mean I'd have to take the bait.
[00:08:40] No, true.
[00:08:41] But I just have to go, Paul's having one.
[00:08:43] In fact, that's the sad thing
[00:08:44] when you do vague book and no one replies,
[00:08:46] that's worse.
[00:08:47] I did one the other day.
[00:08:48] I was like, it's been 10 years
[00:08:49] since I moved from one radio station to the other.
[00:08:52] I miss all you guys.
[00:08:53] We should all hang out more.
[00:08:54] And it got like four likes.
[00:08:55] Oh.
[00:08:56] And that's why I don't do it.
[00:08:57] That's why you don't do it.
[00:08:58] People don't expect that sentimentality from me.
[00:09:00] So when I try, they think I've been hacked.
[00:09:02] They're like, long.
[00:09:03] Oh, it's insincere.
[00:09:04] Yeah.
[00:09:05] So the guy who wrote this article basically said,
[00:09:06] you know, you can complain about this
[00:09:08] and have a problem with it,
[00:09:10] but you can't pigeonhole it
[00:09:11] to any particular kind of race or religion.
[00:09:13] Everyone has their chance to vague book.
[00:09:16] And a lot of the time,
[00:09:17] a lot of people who do it can be lonely or depressed
[00:09:19] and that's their way of reaching out
[00:09:21] and looking for some kind of human connection.
[00:09:23] And so this is a relatively new phenomenon
[00:09:25] brought on by social media.
[00:09:27] Yeah, it is.
[00:09:28] Before that, what did we do?
[00:09:29] Before vague booking?
[00:09:30] Yeah.
[00:09:31] But we must have done that in an analog world.
[00:09:33] I just think it was like you come from a Catholic family
[00:09:36] and you're passive aggressive.
[00:09:37] I think that's basically what it came down to.
[00:09:38] Post office.
[00:09:39] Yeah.
[00:09:39] Like you'd hear your mother going,
[00:09:42] Carol's in trouble again.
[00:09:43] Yeah.
[00:09:43] And that's all she'd say.
[00:09:44] Bitching over the back fence.
[00:09:45] Yeah, it's that kind of thing.
[00:09:46] Except, you know, like now again,
[00:09:47] it's a lot more passive aggressive.
[00:09:49] And it's all...
[00:09:49] I actually found a video on YouTube
[00:09:51] which kind of says that when you translate
[00:09:53] vague booking to real life social conversations,
[00:09:56] it does not translate.
[00:09:57] So should we play the little clip now?
[00:09:59] I'm the lucky girl today.
[00:10:00] I'm definitely going to be celebrating tonight.
[00:10:02] Oh, congratulations.
[00:10:03] What are we celebrating?
[00:10:05] Hey, more bad news.
[00:10:07] Please cross your fingers.
[00:10:09] There you go.
[00:10:10] Who did the video?
[00:10:11] That was by Jason Horton.
[00:10:13] He's published a few videos like that in his past
[00:10:15] and he's got a few more.
[00:10:16] It really highlights the vanity that we have now
[00:10:18] because in the old days,
[00:10:19] you would not walk into a room and go,
[00:10:22] ah, guys, I've got some news.
[00:10:24] You just tell them.
[00:10:26] Yeah, and it's great that people get called out on that.
[00:10:28] But thank you for vague booking.
[00:10:30] I have a pretty dark one for you now, Paul Gannon.
[00:10:32] It is the origins of vampire.
[00:10:39] A Turk, Greek, Hebrew or Hungarian word.
[00:10:42] The internet seems to be devouring itself
[00:10:44] to decide which one it is.
[00:10:45] Popularized in the 1700s,
[00:10:47] the word first appeared in English in 1734.
[00:10:50] It was in a travel log, not travel lodge.
[00:10:53] Not a body.
[00:10:53] Although the beds haven't been updated since.
[00:10:56] Titled Travels of Three English Gentlemen
[00:10:58] that was published in the Haleian Miscellany.
[00:11:01] The first vampire book was written by who?
[00:11:04] Would you say?
[00:11:04] This feels like a trap,
[00:11:05] but I'm going to say Bram Stoker.
[00:11:07] Is incorrect, Amanda.
[00:11:08] I thought it was much, yeah.
[00:11:09] 80 years before, John Polidori.
[00:11:11] That's right.
[00:11:11] Wrote the first, it was on the tip of your tongue.
[00:11:13] I actually did know this as well.
[00:11:15] The first popular vampire novel
[00:11:16] called The Vampire Spell with a Y.
[00:11:18] Yeah.
[00:11:19] Harm a vampire if you will,
[00:11:21] take it into your own hands.
[00:11:22] You can do it with garlic,
[00:11:24] but you can also do it with mustard seeds.
[00:11:26] Yes.
[00:11:26] I mean, this is why Mary Berry is still alive
[00:11:28] because she has none of these in her house.
[00:11:30] Mustard seeds are wild rose or a Hawthorn plant.
[00:11:34] Can you get Hawthorn plant in garden centres?
[00:11:37] Actually, I don't know.
[00:11:38] We don't know.
[00:11:38] If you do know, please get into it.
[00:11:40] Because I have a vampire problem I'd like to fix.
[00:11:42] Yeah, iron bars or stakes through the heart
[00:11:44] or chest have been common ways
[00:11:45] to kill the undead for centuries.
[00:11:46] Although bodies, despite the vampire
[00:11:48] being a world we've used for like three, four hundred years,
[00:11:50] bodies like nearly a thousand years old
[00:11:52] with stakes through their heart
[00:11:54] have been uncovered across parts of Eastern Europe.
[00:11:57] Yeah, I think the idea behind that was
[00:11:59] it was some kind of they thought the body was cursed
[00:12:01] and they didn't want it to raise from the ground
[00:12:02] so they'd stake it to the coffin to do so.
[00:12:04] Question.
[00:12:05] Yeah.
[00:12:05] A vampire's reel.
[00:12:07] So that's interesting because when Stoker wrote
[00:12:10] the story of Dracula, it was...
[00:12:12] Beast Stokes.
[00:12:13] Yeah, Beast Stokes.
[00:12:14] He did base it on certain illnesses
[00:12:16] that were around at the time.
[00:12:18] Versions of sunlight, things like that, anemia,
[00:12:20] people who needed blood, transfusions
[00:12:22] and he kind of based all that and added it to the vampire myth.
[00:12:25] Is that a yes or a no?
[00:12:26] I don't know the answer anymore.
[00:12:28] The answer is yes.
[00:12:29] Oh!
[00:12:30] All you need to do is Google V-Herve.
[00:12:33] V-Herve?
[00:12:33] It's a retro virus that changes your brain chemistry
[00:12:36] and digestive system that causes you
[00:12:38] to hunger for the blood of humans.
[00:12:41] Oh, wow.
[00:12:42] And can make you a bit mad like rabies
[00:12:44] and cause you to commit aggressive violent acts
[00:12:48] so that you can drink the blood.
[00:12:50] Wow.
[00:12:50] The HVV source is the bat flea
[00:12:53] and the HVV carrier is the vampire bat.
[00:12:56] Oh, so it does all have a connection?
[00:12:58] It does all tie in together.
[00:12:59] Wow.
[00:13:00] Final question on vampires then.
[00:13:02] Can you live off blood?
[00:13:03] If you were to switch your diet,
[00:13:05] I'm not saying what you want to.
[00:13:06] Yeah.
[00:13:06] Could you survive on somebody else's blood?
[00:13:09] If we know that vampires are real.
[00:13:10] Yeah.
[00:13:11] But could you live off blood?
[00:13:12] I'd like to say no unless you have a big thing about
[00:13:15] black pudding.
[00:13:16] One of these long answers, yeah.
[00:13:17] Originally described as being bloated in dark faced,
[00:13:20] it would make you, it would change your body completely.
[00:13:23] Sciencefocus.com says you need to drink around
[00:13:25] three litres of blood to sustain your calorie intake.
[00:13:28] 700 calories per litre of blood.
[00:13:30] The trouble is when you drink all of that,
[00:13:34] it makes you a little bit obese
[00:13:37] because what you're not getting is vitamin C.
[00:13:39] Yeah.
[00:13:39] So you have to drink nine litres of blood a day
[00:13:42] to get enough vitamin C.
[00:13:44] That bloats you out.
[00:13:45] It's like, you know what I mean?
[00:13:47] So the way around that is to garnish your victims first.
[00:13:51] True.
[00:13:52] Put lemons on.
[00:13:53] Before you get to drink their blood,
[00:13:54] sprinkle a bit of lemon on them.
[00:13:55] A little bit of herb.
[00:13:56] Yeah. Any kind of high citrus fruit.
[00:13:58] You need to drink 26 litres of blood
[00:14:00] to get the right amount of iron.
[00:14:02] This is ridiculous.
[00:14:02] I know.
[00:14:03] So the answer is no basically then, isn't it?
[00:14:05] It would be difficult but I would say
[00:14:07] you would substitute that iron with Guinness.
[00:14:09] True.
[00:14:09] And then you kind of have low salt diet elsewhere.
[00:14:13] So basically my diet would be nothing but
[00:14:15] black puddings and Guinness.
[00:14:16] Yeah.
[00:14:16] My dad had that I think.
[00:14:18] You are half vampire actually if you're doing that.
[00:14:20] So there you go, the etymology of vampire.
[00:14:23] Nice.
[00:14:24] So my V.
[00:14:26] V is for vendetta.
[00:14:28] Like the movie?
[00:14:29] Like the movie like the Alamo original novel
[00:14:31] that it's based on.
[00:14:32] I'm glad you did vendetta
[00:14:33] because I was touring with like victory,
[00:14:35] veracity.
[00:14:37] Victory Vs.
[00:14:38] Well first of all,
[00:14:39] there are two meanings of vendetta.
[00:14:41] There's one that we all kind of know, right?
[00:14:42] The prolonged bitter crawl or campaign against someone.
[00:14:45] But the original meaning of it was a blood feud
[00:14:48] in which a family person is murdered
[00:14:50] and part of that family sinks vengeance
[00:14:52] upon the murderer's family.
[00:14:53] So basically he takes it out on everyone.
[00:14:55] You could do a vendetta by drinking somebody's blood.
[00:14:58] You could do.
[00:14:58] Double blood feud.
[00:14:59] I think that would only be on a hiding to nothing
[00:15:02] but it's worth a try.
[00:15:04] I came up with some of the,
[00:15:05] well some of the most popular vendettas in history.
[00:15:08] First of all, Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burd.
[00:15:10] Do you ever hear about this?
[00:15:11] At ten.
[00:15:13] Have you heard of the musical Hamilton at the moment?
[00:15:15] It's a very, very popular musical.
[00:15:17] Breaking all box office and critical records in America.
[00:15:20] It's a hip hop musical.
[00:15:21] People are loving it.
[00:15:22] My girlfriend's obsessed with the soundtrack to it.
[00:15:24] But it's based on the story of Alexander Hamilton.
[00:15:26] So him and Aaron Burd were two key figures
[00:15:29] in the early history of the United States.
[00:15:31] They had a function as founding fathers
[00:15:33] but it's also overshadowed by their legendary rivalry
[00:15:36] which ended in a deadly duel in 1804.
[00:15:38] The tension began in 1791 when Burd,
[00:15:41] a democratic Republican, was elected to New York Senate
[00:15:43] in place of Hamilton's friend, a Federalist.
[00:15:46] Hamilton took this defeat as a personal attack
[00:15:48] and developed a staunch dislike for Burd.
[00:15:50] So they had this hatred of each other
[00:15:52] and all came to a head in 1804
[00:15:54] when Hamilton actively sought Burd's campaign
[00:15:56] for governor of New York
[00:15:57] and helped to ensure a rival politician
[00:15:59] named Morgan Lewis won instead.
[00:16:01] But what got to this point was they had a duel,
[00:16:03] a very famous duel.
[00:16:05] They had a fight.
[00:16:06] When was it?
[00:16:06] On July 11th, 1805.
[00:16:09] That's my birthday.
[00:16:10] Is it?
[00:16:10] Oh, there you go.
[00:16:12] So they went to a place in New Jersey
[00:16:16] and they did the whole proper, you know...
[00:16:18] Yeah, 10 paces.
[00:16:20] 10 paces.
[00:16:21] Now allegedly, Hamilton didn't really want to go through
[00:16:24] with this so when they both turned and fired
[00:16:26] he shot into the air.
[00:16:28] As in, as if to say, if you shoot me, it's...
[00:16:32] It's your bad.
[00:16:33] You wanted this big man.
[00:16:34] Yeah.
[00:16:35] I'm happy to not shoot you.
[00:16:36] There are other people saying that that's not true
[00:16:37] and he just missed
[00:16:39] and he just shot the branch above the guy.
[00:16:40] A squirrel?
[00:16:41] Yeah.
[00:16:42] So Hamilton was hit in the stomach,
[00:16:43] he was taken to hospital
[00:16:44] but died the next day
[00:16:46] and long story short,
[00:16:48] his life became a very popular musical.
[00:16:50] You say long story short.
[00:16:52] All right, have you got any vendettas going on
[00:16:53] at the moment? Any current ongoing?
[00:16:55] No, not me. I'm a man of peace.
[00:16:58] I have one with my neighbour.
[00:16:59] Oh yeah?
[00:17:00] But I'm hoping he's just gonna move.
[00:17:02] Or die?
[00:17:03] I'm moaning git. I'll just have him move.
[00:17:05] No, not die.
[00:17:06] No, am I that type of person, no.
[00:17:08] Well, that's what a vendetta comes to.
[00:17:10] It comes to bloody death.
[00:17:11] Or just putting your house up for sale, fingers crossed.
[00:17:14] My final word for you is voicemail.
[00:17:17] We've all got one.
[00:17:18] We do get it.
[00:17:19] I ignore mine.
[00:17:20] Do you wanna hear mine?
[00:17:21] Yeah.
[00:17:22] Here we go.
[00:17:23] Damien, I can't get to the phone right now.
[00:17:25] Please leave a message.
[00:17:28] Hi Damien.
[00:17:29] It's only Paul calling.
[00:17:30] You owe me 10 pounds.
[00:17:31] Where are you?
[00:17:31] I've got your wife.
[00:17:33] This is me.
[00:17:34] I'm leaving myself a message
[00:17:36] on the voicemail machine.
[00:17:38] I'm from the future.
[00:17:39] You're listening to this in the present,
[00:17:41] which is actually my past.
[00:17:42] Ah!
[00:17:43] It's the inception of voicemail messages.
[00:17:46] Goodbye.
[00:17:47] Voicemail is a registered trademark introduced in 1980.
[00:17:50] Is it?
[00:17:50] But it goes back donkey's years.
[00:17:52] Donkey's.
[00:17:54] In 1877, Thomas Edison said of his invention,
[00:17:57] the phonograph,
[00:17:58] the object was to record telephone messages
[00:18:00] and transmit them again by telephone.
[00:18:02] Over 100 years later,
[00:18:03] it became a commercial viability
[00:18:05] as in the 70s,
[00:18:06] Motorola invented first the pageboy,
[00:18:08] and then the pageboy too.
[00:18:10] I had a pager.
[00:18:11] Wow.
[00:18:11] It was a weird thing to do.
[00:18:12] Who paged you?
[00:18:13] No one.
[00:18:13] That was the sad thing.
[00:18:14] 9-1-1.
[00:18:15] You had to call up a woman
[00:18:17] who would say,
[00:18:17] hello, do you want to leave a message?
[00:18:18] Then you'd say the message.
[00:18:19] She would type it
[00:18:20] and then send it to your pager.
[00:18:22] So that was kind of the first digital answer phone,
[00:18:24] which fueled the need for more digital data storage
[00:18:26] and has kind of put us
[00:18:28] roughly on the road to where we are now.
[00:18:30] It has led to many mistakes
[00:18:31] and bits of information
[00:18:32] being left on strangers' phones.
[00:18:33] YouTube is littered with loads
[00:18:35] of accidental answer phone messages.
[00:18:38] I think this is the most famous
[00:18:40] voicemail message in the world.
[00:18:42] Have you heard Crying Girlfriend?
[00:18:43] No, but I really want to.
[00:18:45] Here you go.
[00:18:45] This is Crying Girlfriend.
[00:18:47] Hey, sorry I missed your call.
[00:18:50] I was calling you back
[00:18:51] to let you know that I love you
[00:18:55] and I miss you.
[00:18:57] Oh.
[00:19:04] I really,
[00:19:04] I really want you to call me back.
[00:19:07] Oh.
[00:19:11] And I'm sorry I missed your phone call
[00:19:13] and that I know you're done.
[00:19:16] So when you get this,
[00:19:17] can you call me back?
[00:19:19] Oh.
[00:19:22] I love you and I miss you.
[00:19:24] Oh.
[00:19:28] If Thomas Edison did not know
[00:19:31] how funny his invention would be,
[00:19:33] I will get people to leave messages for each other
[00:19:35] and then one day,
[00:19:36] hilarious girlfriend crying voicemail message.
[00:19:38] All you got to do is put a funky beat on that
[00:19:40] and it sounds like a Taylor Swift song.
[00:19:41] Well, hang on.
[00:19:42] Girl cries like a whale featuring Snoop Dogg.
[00:19:44] It's been done already.
[00:19:45] Oh, there you go.
[00:19:46] Here we go.
[00:19:47] Hey, sorry I missed your call.
[00:19:50] I was calling you back to let you know that I love you
[00:19:55] and I miss you.
[00:19:57] Oh.
[00:20:04] I really,
[00:20:04] I really want you to call me back.
[00:20:07] Oh.
[00:20:10] Beautiful.
[00:20:12] That is the way of the world, isn't it?
[00:20:13] And all of that,
[00:20:14] that beauty we came to via Thomas Edison's invention
[00:20:18] back in 1877.
[00:20:20] So there you go voicemail.
[00:20:21] Please leave a message after the tone.
[00:20:24] Time for the results of this week's word workout.
[00:20:26] 30 seconds, Paul Gannon,
[00:20:27] a beauty treatment,
[00:20:29] jazz veil your,
[00:20:31] doesn't it sound like some sort of
[00:20:32] 80s female wrestler?
[00:20:34] Jazz veil or?
[00:20:35] From the Divas Division.
[00:20:36] A really progressive place in the Cotswolds.
[00:20:39] Yeah.
[00:20:40] When nothing was planned,
[00:20:41] it was a freestyle built.
[00:20:43] 30 seconds to unscramble jazz veil starts now.
[00:20:47] Right, OK.
[00:20:48] I actually think I know this one.
[00:20:50] You've done quite well recently.
[00:20:51] If anyone's done.
[00:20:51] Yeah.
[00:20:53] I've actually had this one done.
[00:20:54] If anyone's listened to episodes T and U,
[00:20:56] Paul Gannon has been...
[00:20:57] On fire.
[00:20:58] Very good.
[00:20:59] Yeah.
[00:20:59] Here we go.
[00:21:00] That's all right.
[00:21:01] 18 seconds for everyone playing at home.
[00:21:03] Jazz veil.
[00:21:04] I don't think this is going to turn upon
[00:21:05] camp down this word,
[00:21:06] but I'm happy to use it.
[00:21:09] It totally could if it turned up on Rachel Riley.
[00:21:12] No complaints.
[00:21:13] Oh.
[00:21:14] Here we go. Five seconds.
[00:21:16] Hurry up.
[00:21:16] Oh, I got it.
[00:21:17] I got it.
[00:21:17] Got it.
[00:21:19] Jazz veil.
[00:21:19] A beauty treatment.
[00:21:20] Eight letters.
[00:21:21] What is it please?
[00:21:22] It is the word,
[00:21:22] Vajazzle.
[00:21:25] Is the correct answer?
[00:21:26] So happy.
[00:21:27] You win a packet of fake diamonds
[00:21:31] and some glue.
[00:21:32] LAUGHTER
[00:21:34] A friend of mine had to stand up.
[00:21:35] She has this bit in her material about
[00:21:37] how she wanted to do a Vajazzle
[00:21:38] but she couldn't afford to get the proper thing.
[00:21:39] So she just got, you know, like,
[00:21:41] tinsel and sprinkles and things
[00:21:43] and tried to put it on herself.
[00:21:44] And then when she was being erotic to a guy,
[00:21:46] they were intimate
[00:21:47] and he got up in his face
[00:21:48] and just covered in sparkles and stars
[00:21:50] and all kinds of stuff.
[00:21:51] I love it. Yeah.
[00:21:52] Switching up with some sweets,
[00:21:53] some hundreds and thousands,
[00:21:54] some aniseed balls.
[00:21:56] Aniseed balls would be handy.
[00:21:57] Dolly mixtures.
[00:21:58] Cola cubes.
[00:21:59] Vajazzle, an informal verb
[00:22:00] to adorn the pubic area
[00:22:02] in brackets of a woman
[00:22:03] with crystals, glitter
[00:22:04] or any other decoration.
[00:22:05] Church-going mums might call it
[00:22:07] body-blinging.
[00:22:08] Oh.
[00:22:09] In that way that your mum tries to protect you
[00:22:10] from the real world.
[00:22:12] Most of the Asian film industry
[00:22:13] calls it a Bollywood wax.
[00:22:15] Other nicknames include a Vajazzle
[00:22:17] or a Vajazzle,
[00:22:18] which sounds like some bloke from Essex.
[00:22:20] So there you go.
[00:22:21] 30 seconds.
[00:22:21] You unscramble it.
[00:22:22] Hopefully, Jazevael was a Vajazzle.
[00:22:25] Shabang!
[00:22:35] This show is part of Podomedy,
[00:22:38] the podcast comedy network.
[00:22:40] We're the best kept secret on A-Cast.
[00:22:44] Why not laugh at what else we've got?
[00:22:47] Check out Podomedy.com now.