Hercule Poirot's Christmas (1994 TV Episode)

[00:00:10] Hello and welcome to Fetch the Smelling Salts. I'm Alice.

[00:00:13] And I'm Kim. And this is our podcast all about historical dramas from movies and TV shows to miniseries from every era and all around the world.

[00:00:22] And Merry Christmas time, everybody.

[00:00:25] Merry Christmas time!

[00:00:26] Happy holidays.

[00:00:28] Oh yes, happy holidays. Whatever you're celebrating.

[00:00:31] A yas, yule.

[00:00:35] What are you doing?

[00:00:39] It's called being inclusive, Kim. And here we are again with our Fetch the Smelling Salts Christmas special.

[00:00:45] Christmas special!

[00:00:47] Christmas specials.

[00:00:49] Last year, we did the best Christmas carol of all time. The Muppets Christmas Carol.

[00:00:57] Arguably the greatest Christmas movie of all time. So we might have blown our load. But we're back and we're going to try it again.

[00:01:05] Did you know there aren't that many Christmas period dramas?

[00:01:09] I know. I was looking for a few. Yeah, they're not that many.

[00:01:12] There are, thankfully, there are enough BBC, ITV kind of series like Call the Midwife, All Creatures Great and Small, period drama programs that have Christmas specials.

[00:01:25] Yeah, thank God.

[00:01:26] We'll dip into those. And today we are technically doing a Christmas special of a television series. That series being Waro.

[00:01:36] Waro!

[00:01:37] One of my favorite series, period drama or otherwise, of all time. But I think this also stands alone because it is based on a novel, an Agatha Christie novel, and it's two hours long.

[00:01:51] Yeah.

[00:01:52] It is movie length.

[00:01:53] It is movie length.

[00:01:54] So today we are covering Hercule Poirot's Christmas, which is one of my favorite things to watch at Christmas.

[00:02:03] One of my dad's favorite things to watch at Christmas. So this episode is technically for him.

[00:02:08] Aww. Hi, Alice's dad.

[00:02:11] So hello to my mom and dad who have seen this movie slash show with me at least 25 times.

[00:02:19] Oh my God. Okay.

[00:02:21] I want to say, I don't know. So we've watched it. It came out in 1994. We got it on DVD at some point in the early 2000s, and we've watched it multiple times a year, at least once at Christmas.

[00:02:35] Aww, that's so cute.

[00:02:36] Since then.

[00:02:38] And weird.

[00:02:40] Yeah.

[00:02:42] You'd be surprised how long it took me to consistently remember what happened and whodunit.

[00:02:50] So obviously Poirot is a British made show, but it made its way over to America really early on. PBS, Masterpiece Theater, Mystery.

[00:03:00] And so I grew up with it because the show started in 1989 and it ran through to 2013.

[00:03:06] So I grew up with this. I grew up obsessed with Poirot as an American. Did it make its way over to you?

[00:03:13] No, actually. No. I mean, so I knew about Agatha Christie and stuff, obviously. But no, surprisingly, of all the British things that made its way to Singapore, yeah, Poirot and Miss Marple and stuff didn't.

[00:03:26] Boo.

[00:03:27] Boo. So yeah, I've only watched it since I actually came to the UK.

[00:03:31] Had you seen this one before?

[00:03:34] No, I've not seen this one, so it was really fun.

[00:03:37] Did you like it?

[00:03:38] I liked it.

[00:03:39] No pressure.

[00:03:39] No, no, no. I really liked it. It was really fun. Although obviously I was interrupted many times by my puppy. That's why a two hour long movie always takes longer.

[00:03:50] Did he keep interjecting, trying to guess who did it?

[00:03:53] He's like, he did it. She did it. I want to eat that. Let me eat that.

[00:04:00] Yeah. So that's what he was doing the whole time. So yeah, it took me a few days to watch it.

[00:04:05] Because I'm doing the summary, right? So I was trying to like take notes and everything.

[00:04:08] And then the puppy tried to eat my pen, eat my notebook, climb over me. And I was like, for crying out loud.

[00:04:17] So yeah, yeah. But when I, you know, I did enjoy it. And Poirot, look at him with his little mustache.

[00:04:24] Are you a convert now? Are you a diehard Poirot fan?

[00:04:27] He's so cute. I do. I am. I am. I love him.

[00:04:29] Well, if you want to start from the beginning, I'm into going on that journey with you.

[00:04:34] Oh yeah, let's do that. Especially since I've now discovered. So I watched it on ITVX, right?

[00:04:39] And then obviously they have all the seasons, I think. I'm not sure. But I saw many, many seasons.

[00:04:44] So I was like, ooh, things to do over Christmas.

[00:04:47] Yes. If you are in the UK, you can find all of the, I don't know about all of the Poirots ever, but you can find many, many of them on ITVX.

[00:04:56] Also, if you are a big Poirot fan and you haven't heard of this podcast before, I do recommend the podcast, The Labors of Hercule, which is, they're two people with nice voices who go through every single Poirot episode from start to finish.

[00:05:16] Oh, wow. Okay.

[00:05:16] And so I listened to their episode on Poirot's Christmas, which was very fun.

[00:05:22] Mm-hmm.

[00:05:22] And they're going through all of the seasons and then I don't know what they'll do.

[00:05:27] Okay, cool. Well, I can, yeah, so I can start from the start and then listen to them each time. That'll be fun.

[00:05:33] All right. Speaking of starting from the start, shall I start my summary?

[00:05:37] Yes, please.

[00:05:37] The year is 1896 and we are in South Africa where two men, Garrett and Simeon, are searching for diamonds.

[00:05:46] Simeon will be off to Pretoria the next day for more diamond hunting on behalf of the duo.

[00:05:52] So Garrett gives him an uncut diamond for his share of the claim.

[00:05:56] However, that night, Simeon attacks Garrett and kills him, but not before Garrett wounds him in the arm, like pretty badly.

[00:06:04] So on the way to Pretoria, the wounded Simeon is found by a woman called Stella de Zuitge,

[00:06:13] who nurses him back to health in this cottage where she lives alone.

[00:06:17] So, you know, over their time together, Simeon is, you know, recovering, the two bond,

[00:06:22] and obviously they have sex.

[00:06:25] They bang.

[00:06:26] Yes, so they bang, but only for Simeon to abandon her the very next day.

[00:06:34] Very classy, Simeon.

[00:06:36] He didn't stay for breakfast.

[00:06:38] No.

[00:06:38] Okay, so years pass and I forgot to take note of what year it was.

[00:06:42] Oh, it's 40 years later, so...

[00:06:44] All right.

[00:06:45] Oh yeah, it's 40 years later.

[00:06:46] Correct.

[00:06:46] They say that.

[00:06:46] We are now in London at Christmas time, where Poirot and his good friend, Chief Inspector Jap,

[00:06:54] they share a meal before bidding each other farewell.

[00:06:57] Jap will reluctantly be spending Christmas with his wife's family,

[00:07:02] while Poirot is looking forward to spending a quiet Christmas alone.

[00:07:06] So before they part ways, Jap gives Poirot a little present before bidding him goodbye.

[00:07:12] So the scene shifts to this giant mansion house, where you see this car from the Zwatlin River Mining Company driving towards it.

[00:07:21] So as it turns out, this mansion of a house is owned by now-aged Simeon Lee,

[00:07:29] who has made his fortune through, you know, diamond mining in South Africa.

[00:07:33] How old do you think he is?

[00:07:34] Oh, sorry.

[00:07:35] So I'm thinking, yeah, right, if he's 40, right, let's say, I mean, I would think he would have been quite young, right?

[00:07:41] With the diamond mining bits.

[00:07:43] I thought he was like, he would have been in his 20s.

[00:07:45] So if this is 40 years later, he's only like 60-something.

[00:07:49] Isn't that, that's not old.

[00:07:50] But he looks hella old.

[00:07:52] He looks like 80.

[00:07:53] He looks in his 80s, right?

[00:07:54] But he's really evil.

[00:07:56] He's really evil.

[00:07:57] So yeah, you know, it's like the whole like evil shows in your face thing.

[00:08:01] Yeah.

[00:08:02] Yeah, so you could see he's like this horrible, decrepit old man, right?

[00:08:06] And he's in his wheelchair.

[00:08:08] He's like, bleh.

[00:08:08] So he specifically requested that a set of uncut diamonds be brought to him from the company museum.

[00:08:15] So over in London, right, Poirot receives a call by Simeon requesting that he spend Christmas at his house

[00:08:21] because he says that his life is in danger.

[00:08:25] And turns out Poirot was recommended to him by a superintendent, Saktan.

[00:08:30] So Poirot accepts, but only because his heating is broken.

[00:08:34] Bless him.

[00:08:34] He's like, do you have central heating?

[00:08:37] He's like, okay.

[00:08:39] All right.

[00:08:39] So next scene, Poirot is on the train.

[00:08:41] And also on the train, we find out is one of Simeon's sons, Harry.

[00:08:47] He's a bit of like a black sheep with the family.

[00:08:49] He strikes up a conversation with a very attractive Spanish woman called Pilar.

[00:08:55] And he ends up finding out that she is his niece.

[00:08:58] Awkward.

[00:08:59] Yeah, but that doesn't really stop him from like flirting with her.

[00:09:04] It's just so weird.

[00:09:05] It's really weird.

[00:09:06] And I was like, ew.

[00:09:07] So it turns out they're both going to Galston Hall, which is the name of Simeon's house.

[00:09:12] And apparently the other family members aren't expecting them.

[00:09:15] So, you know, we kind of know drama is ahead.

[00:09:17] Can I interject for a moment and just say that this is possibly my favorite scene from any Poirot I've ever seen?

[00:09:27] For two reasons.

[00:09:28] The train scene?

[00:09:29] The train scene.

[00:09:30] Because of two lines.

[00:09:32] So there are two things going on.

[00:09:33] You've got Poirot who's ordering soup.

[00:09:37] Yes.

[00:09:40] I skipped over that part, but yeah.

[00:09:43] What is this brown Windsor soup?

[00:09:46] And then when he gets it.

[00:09:48] I know what you're going to say.

[00:09:49] He's cracking me up.

[00:09:52] I promised myself I wouldn't try to do a Poirot impression, but I have to break that immediately.

[00:09:58] Because when he gets the brown Windsor soup and it's just this fancy bowl full of like a brown opaque liquid.

[00:10:06] And he says, does not look so delicious?

[00:10:16] It's something I think about on a weekly basis.

[00:10:19] Because it does not look delicious?

[00:10:23] And the other thing that's happening is, of course, this like weird semi-incestuous flirtation between Uncle Harry and Pilar.

[00:10:33] And Pilar, who is played by a British actress, who is just absolutely gnawing on this Spanish accent.

[00:10:41] Oh my God.

[00:10:41] And he asks her this question about like enemies.

[00:10:44] Mm-hmm.

[00:10:45] Oh, yes.

[00:10:46] Don't you believe in forgiving your enemies?

[00:10:48] And she says, no.

[00:10:49] If I had an enemy, I would cut his throat like this.

[00:10:54] I was like, right.

[00:10:56] That turned him on.

[00:10:59] And just that.

[00:11:02] Oh, yeah.

[00:11:02] You guys can see this.

[00:11:03] That's an enchanted.

[00:11:03] No, no, no.

[00:11:04] Sorry.

[00:11:04] You guys can see this, but Alice is like doing the whole action.

[00:11:07] It's all in the eyes.

[00:11:09] With the eyes and everything.

[00:11:10] As well.

[00:11:11] It's very intense.

[00:11:13] Pilar is one of my favorite minor characters in a Poirot ever.

[00:11:17] And part of it is because she acts so unhinged.

[00:11:22] But so self-assured.

[00:11:24] Mm-hmm.

[00:11:24] Very contained unhingedness that I respect so much.

[00:11:29] And also because her Spanish accent is absolutely wild.

[00:11:32] Yeah.

[00:11:32] It's crazy.

[00:11:33] Yeah.

[00:11:34] And I aspire to that.

[00:11:35] If I had an enemy, I would cut their throat like this.

[00:11:37] Like this.

[00:11:38] I'm sorry.

[00:11:39] Please continue.

[00:11:40] Oh, okay.

[00:11:41] Over at Gawston Hall, we meet the other players.

[00:11:44] Simeon's son, George, and his young wife, Magdalena.

[00:11:47] And his other son, Arthur, and his wife, Lydia.

[00:11:50] So George, it seems, has been, you know, he's some member of parliament.

[00:11:53] And he's been leeching off his dad for years.

[00:11:56] And both he and his wife, they hate Simeon.

[00:11:58] Arthur and his wife, however, have been dutifully taking care of the old man.

[00:12:02] Although it's very clear they aren't fans of him either.

[00:12:05] So upon arriving at the house, Poirot goes to see Simeon,

[00:12:08] who tells him that, you know, his family hates him.

[00:12:11] And that evening, he will be making an announcement

[00:12:14] that will make them hate him even more.

[00:12:16] So he's really happy about this.

[00:12:18] He's just totally unhinged.

[00:12:20] Oh, God.

[00:12:20] He is absolutely the most disgusting, despicable villain slash murder victim.

[00:12:27] And I was like, I would kill him.

[00:12:29] Yeah, I would absolutely kill him.

[00:12:30] I hate him.

[00:12:31] We're glad he's dead.

[00:12:33] Yes.

[00:12:34] But also there's something a little bit aspirational about him

[00:12:37] in that he is in kind of like a rattan wheelchair

[00:12:41] with a blanket over his lap and he's wearing a smoking jacket.

[00:12:45] Yeah.

[00:12:45] And that's absolutely a point I want to get to in my life.

[00:12:49] And he gives no fucks.

[00:12:50] Yeah.

[00:12:51] Yeah.

[00:12:52] I don't want to kind of sexually harass someone into straightening my legs,

[00:12:56] but I do want to live a life at some point with a blanket on my lap.

[00:13:03] Yes.

[00:13:04] And for cat on top of that too.

[00:13:05] Yeah.

[00:13:06] Only standing up to get diamonds.

[00:13:08] Yes.

[00:13:09] He basically sexually harasses everybody.

[00:13:11] So he's sexually harassed Magdalena.

[00:13:14] You kind of see him harassing poor Lydia.

[00:13:17] And then just after this, he summons Pilar to him.

[00:13:20] He shows her the diamonds and then he kind of like, you know, leers at her

[00:13:25] and she kind of encourages it somewhat or plays to it.

[00:13:30] It was just all really, really gross.

[00:13:32] You'd like me to sit with you, grandfather.

[00:13:34] Stop doing that, Elle.

[00:13:35] Stop.

[00:13:36] It's weird.

[00:13:36] Stop it.

[00:13:37] You don't sound cool.

[00:13:40] So while they're all having pre-dinner drinks like fancy people do,

[00:13:43] the family is summoned to Simeon's room and he purposely arranges it

[00:13:47] such that they overhear him on the call to his lawyer Charlton,

[00:13:51] indicating that he intends to make a new will.

[00:13:54] He then announces to the family that both Harry and Pilar

[00:13:56] will be staying at the hall for good.

[00:13:58] And then everybody, you know, protests and stuff,

[00:14:01] but he lovingly calls them all weaklings and dismisses them.

[00:14:05] Dad of the year, right?

[00:14:07] So anyway, the family's having dinner and we see a new character arrive

[00:14:11] and that is Superintendent Suckton.

[00:14:13] So he comes supposedly collecting donations for the police orphanage.

[00:14:17] Yeah, like that horrible man is going to give to charity, you know?

[00:14:21] So Horbury, who is the valet, he is visibly troubled upon hearing

[00:14:26] of Suckton's arrival so much so that he even breaks his cup

[00:14:29] and gets like scolded for it by Tressilian the butler.

[00:14:33] So while the brothers get into this heated debate about the sanity of the father

[00:14:36] and what the hell are they going to do,

[00:14:38] the women excuse themselves to the drawing room.

[00:14:41] And then this whole suspicious thing where like Magdalena suspiciously walks out and stuff.

[00:14:46] And then we hear this horrible shriek and commotion coming out from Simeon's room.

[00:14:52] Everybody runs up, the room is locked.

[00:14:54] Harry and Arthur manage to break it down,

[00:14:56] but they find their father dead in the room in a disarray.

[00:14:59] So conveniently, Suckton is there.

[00:15:03] He came and then he left and he came back

[00:15:06] because supposedly he left his ledger book behind.

[00:15:09] And so he's there and he comes in after them

[00:15:13] and then he stops Pilar just as she picks up something from the floor.

[00:15:16] And also, they all notice that the safe is open, the diamonds are gone.

[00:15:20] Dum dum da!

[00:15:21] Da!

[00:15:22] All right.

[00:15:23] So it's December 23rd.

[00:15:24] And you have poor Jap is in literal hell

[00:15:28] because his in-laws are singing Christmas carols.

[00:15:31] Very well, I might add.

[00:15:33] This looks like a delightful Christmas time.

[00:15:36] Everybody really happy, like jovially singing around the piano.

[00:15:40] That's your idea of hell at Christmas?

[00:15:42] He was in hell.

[00:15:44] But Poirot appears, knocks in the window and saves him from it,

[00:15:49] saying he needs help, the murder case.

[00:15:50] And like Jap could not get away any faster.

[00:15:53] He's like, there is a God.

[00:15:54] He sent an angel to help me.

[00:15:55] So Poirot and Jap arrive at Gosset Hall

[00:15:58] and they find Suckton interrogating George,

[00:16:01] who says he was in the room downstairs

[00:16:02] making a phone call when his father was killed.

[00:16:05] Suckton also tells Jap and Poirot

[00:16:06] that Simeon had asked him to come,

[00:16:09] but that he was to lie about his reasons for the visit

[00:16:12] because Simeon had told him

[00:16:15] that some diamonds were missing from the safe

[00:16:17] and that two people could have done it

[00:16:20] and one as a joke.

[00:16:22] But then he apparently had dismissed Suckton,

[00:16:25] telling him to come back an hour later

[00:16:27] when he would have a better idea of who did it.

[00:16:29] So that kind of explains why he left and came back.

[00:16:32] So all three men kind of like investigate the room.

[00:16:34] The door appears to have been locked from the inside,

[00:16:37] but through careful detective work,

[00:16:39] Poirot and Jap determined that someone had turned the key

[00:16:43] from the outside using a pair of long-nosed pliers.

[00:16:47] So as they leave, Suckton at Poirot's request

[00:16:50] shows him what Pilar had picked up

[00:16:52] and it's some sort of rubber ring and a wooden peg.

[00:16:56] So you're like, what the hell is that, right?

[00:16:58] And then Poirot asks Suckton why he recommended him to Simeon

[00:17:02] and Suckton says he didn't.

[00:17:04] So you're like, what the hell is going on, right?

[00:17:07] So the first person to be questioned is Horbury

[00:17:10] and he says, no, no, I wasn't even there.

[00:17:13] I was at the cinema with this girl and she can vouch for me.

[00:17:15] So anyway, Poirot then goes off into town, right?

[00:17:18] To buy a present for Jap because Jap has given him a present, right?

[00:17:22] So he's like, okay, now I'm going to give him a present.

[00:17:24] He comes across this little joke shop

[00:17:26] and after looking through some interesting items,

[00:17:29] he manages to find his box of cigars.

[00:17:32] So he's like, yay, that's perfect.

[00:17:34] Why does a joke shop have...

[00:17:36] That is what I was thinking.

[00:17:37] Why does a joke shop have a box of good cigars, right?

[00:17:41] I don't know, man.

[00:17:42] Because Poirot was like, exploding cigars?

[00:17:45] He's like, no.

[00:17:46] I don't know.

[00:17:47] Very weird.

[00:17:47] They're probably just like a stash,

[00:17:50] just like his own kind of little private imports

[00:17:53] that he gets at the joke shop.

[00:17:56] He's like, ah, let's show you.

[00:17:56] He's like, do you want the jokes or do you want the opium?

[00:18:02] Yeah.

[00:18:03] He's like, I'll take the opium.

[00:18:05] Thank you.

[00:18:06] He goes and he goes back to the mansion

[00:18:08] and he finds Lydia and Arthur in this conservatory.

[00:18:11] And Lydia is like sat there doing a little hobby

[00:18:14] of like miniature gardens,

[00:18:15] which is both strange and cute at the same time.

[00:18:19] Yeah, it's like white nonsense but harmless.

[00:18:22] I know.

[00:18:23] I was like, oh, this is what rich people do, huh?

[00:18:25] Yeah.

[00:18:25] I'm going to buy tiny trees for my tiny gardens

[00:18:28] and my big house.

[00:18:30] Exactly.

[00:18:31] Because I'm so bored.

[00:18:33] Yeah.

[00:18:33] It makes me feel better now that my father-in-law

[00:18:35] done got murdered.

[00:18:37] Mm-hmm.

[00:18:38] And then she offers up some information.

[00:18:39] She says that first Magdalena and then Pilar

[00:18:42] had left the drawing room before the shriek was heard.

[00:18:46] And then Arthur tells Poirot that he did not know

[00:18:48] the combination of simian safe,

[00:18:50] but the code would have easily enough to guess.

[00:18:52] Yes.

[00:18:52] So the next person to be interrogated is Pilar.

[00:18:56] When they come to her,

[00:18:57] creepy Uncle Harry is teaching her how to play billards.

[00:19:02] And then it's just, I was like, what are you doing?

[00:19:05] Ew.

[00:19:05] At this point, he's well aware that he is her uncle.

[00:19:08] That's not reduced the creep volume at all for him.

[00:19:13] He clearly takes after his father, right?

[00:19:15] And I kind of thought, I kind of came away from this

[00:19:17] as a young person and I'm thinking maybe this is just

[00:19:20] the way rich British families are.

[00:19:23] Creeping on their nieces and nephews.

[00:19:26] Yeah.

[00:19:27] I mean, I didn't have much else to tell me otherwise.

[00:19:31] Yeah.

[00:19:31] I knew that rich people in England got murdered a lot.

[00:19:36] Mm-hmm.

[00:19:37] And did other nefarious things.

[00:19:39] There you go.

[00:19:39] And they have like the police and detectives that they're,

[00:19:43] you know, at their beck and call, right?

[00:19:45] Yeah.

[00:19:46] Yeah.

[00:19:46] Why shouldn't a little bit of incest be part of that whole tableau?

[00:19:51] So when they speak to Pilar, so she says, yes, she had gone upstairs,

[00:19:56] but she'd gone up to get a new handkerchief and reapply her makeup.

[00:20:00] And meanwhile, the police are searching the rooms

[00:20:03] and they find this empty diamond box in what turns out to be Magdalena's suitcase.

[00:20:09] Why would you have the empty diamond box in the suitcase?

[00:20:12] So it's December 24th and over at the mortuary,

[00:20:15] you have a strange woman all dressed in black

[00:20:17] and she comes to visit Simeon's body.

[00:20:21] And it is clear from this birthmark that's on her face,

[00:20:24] which is a pot stain.

[00:20:26] I think it's called pot stain mark.

[00:20:28] Port wine stain?

[00:20:29] Port wine stain, yes.

[00:20:31] Because I have one too.

[00:20:32] Do you?

[00:20:33] Yeah, yeah.

[00:20:33] It's on my forehead.

[00:20:35] Oh, yeah.

[00:20:36] Yeah, that's what it is.

[00:20:36] I never really noticed it.

[00:20:37] I mean, mine's quite light.

[00:20:39] It was darker when I was younger.

[00:20:40] Much, much, much, much darker.

[00:20:42] So I have it.

[00:20:43] My cousin has it.

[00:20:45] It's just a genetic thing.

[00:20:47] So the actress, I don't know whether the actress has it,

[00:20:50] or whether they had the makeup put on the actress.

[00:20:53] Anyway, it's clear from this birthmark that this is the aged Stella, right?

[00:20:59] So she seems pleased that he's dead and she leaves.

[00:21:02] And then you're like, ooh, did she kill him?

[00:21:06] So Magdalena's question and she says that she too was making a call

[00:21:10] in the room downstairs when the murder took place.

[00:21:12] Which is weird because apparently the giant house,

[00:21:14] I mean, which makes sense.

[00:21:15] I mean, there's only one telephone.

[00:21:16] But then you're like, wait, wasn't George making a phone call?

[00:21:19] Like, what the hell's going on, right?

[00:21:21] So over at the local pub, Jap and Porro run into Harry,

[00:21:26] who let slip that he had noticed that the door to Simeon's room

[00:21:29] was locked from the inside.

[00:21:31] And they both say that, hmm, interesting that you would notice that.

[00:21:34] And he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, no, I take note of things.

[00:21:37] So everybody's just being weird and suspicious as hell, right?

[00:21:40] And then they interview Tresillian.

[00:21:43] And he's lovely, right?

[00:21:44] He's a lovely butler.

[00:21:46] Nothing suspicious about him.

[00:21:48] There is nothing suspicious about him, right?

[00:21:50] So he's just, you know, telling them what was happening.

[00:21:52] He tells them that Horbury was acting all weird.

[00:21:55] And then he's just saying that, you know, I'm just very confused.

[00:21:58] It seems like I've seen this all before.

[00:22:01] And that line, right, where he says it's as if he's seen all this before,

[00:22:04] piques Porro's interest.

[00:22:06] And then they go to interview George and Magdalena again,

[00:22:08] both at the same time, to kind of clear their story.

[00:22:11] Start to say, all right, what's happening?

[00:22:12] Who was making the phone call?

[00:22:14] And then George tells Magdalena, like, no, you weren't there in the room.

[00:22:18] And Magdalena just does the whole damsel in distress, like,

[00:22:20] no, I can't take this.

[00:22:21] You're bullying me.

[00:22:22] I'm going to run away.

[00:22:23] Meanwhile, Harry and Pilar are in the, like, living room or another room,

[00:22:28] basically flirting and playing with balloons.

[00:22:31] Like adults do.

[00:22:34] Sorry, I'm just, like, trying to frame why this is so creepy.

[00:22:39] Yeah, like seemingly innocent activity, like playing billiards or playing with balloons.

[00:22:46] But there's something creepy about doing something so childlike.

[00:22:52] Yeah.

[00:22:52] Like, oh, you're just a couple of kids instead of, like, an old uncle and a young pretty niece.

[00:22:58] Yes.

[00:22:59] Just, it's, ew.

[00:23:01] So they're playing with balloons, a balloon pops.

[00:23:04] And then Pilar, she remarks that, hey, look, this piece of balloon

[00:23:08] looks just like the rubber piece that I found from Simeon's room.

[00:23:13] And then Paro has this, like, epiphany.

[00:23:15] Ha-ha.

[00:23:15] And he heads off.

[00:23:16] He goes into town, and that's when he runs into Magdalena, who tells him the truth.

[00:23:21] So she was trying.

[00:23:23] She wanted to make a phone call to a man.

[00:23:27] Ooh, fancy boy.

[00:23:28] Mm-hmm.

[00:23:29] But then she saw that George was in the room on the phone.

[00:23:31] So she kind of, like, hid and waited, you know, by the coat racks.

[00:23:35] That's where she was when the shriek and the commotion was heard.

[00:23:38] So back in the hall, the mystery of why Hawberry was acting so suspicious is clear,

[00:23:42] mainly because we found out that he had been previously been investigated for blackmail and stuff.

[00:23:48] And the police are really judgy about Magdalena.

[00:23:51] They're, like, going on about all her previous marriages and all of that stuff.

[00:23:56] And I'm just like, okay, fine.

[00:23:58] You know, like, she's a gold digger, whatever, you know?

[00:24:01] But, like, you've got to be, like, so judgy.

[00:24:04] Yeah.

[00:24:05] It is a weird form of slut-shaming.

[00:24:07] Yes.

[00:24:07] She was trying at Christmas to ring her affair partner.

[00:24:12] So I don't know.

[00:24:13] Yeah.

[00:24:13] Yeah, I know.

[00:24:14] I mean, I'm not necessarily on her side, but it's just like, okay.

[00:24:18] Like, I mean, they made it seem as bad as, like, Hawberry's blackmail thing, you know?

[00:24:25] She's vile, but the patriarchy still needs to get off her back.

[00:24:30] Exactly.

[00:24:31] So the will is read, and this is the old will that Simeon had made because he didn't get a chance to remake it.

[00:24:37] So what happens is that half of his estate is left to Arthur, understandably,

[00:24:42] and the other is supposed to be split between his other children.

[00:24:45] Pilar is obviously not mentioned as her mother has died.

[00:24:49] And then, you know, Harry and Arthur are not happy about that.

[00:24:53] They feel that Pilar should be given a share.

[00:24:55] Anyway, in the end, Alfred and Lydia decide to give part of their share to Pilar.

[00:25:00] But she's upset by this.

[00:25:01] And then she's like, no, no, I'm going to leave.

[00:25:03] So as she's headed to her room, she's struck on the head by a mysterious assailant.

[00:25:07] Thankfully, she doesn't die, but she has to kind of, like, recover from this concussion.

[00:25:12] With her head wrapped in bandages.

[00:25:14] Exactly.

[00:25:14] And she's like, oh, you know, like, lying so beautifully on the bed and tossing and turning.

[00:25:20] So it's Christmas Day.

[00:25:21] Pilar opens his present.

[00:25:23] And he's disappointed.

[00:25:25] To see that it's a pair of knitted gloves.

[00:25:29] He's like, oh, I bought, like, a set of cigars for this.

[00:25:33] He then sneaks into Pilar's room while she's, like, sick in bed.

[00:25:38] And he just rummages around her things and he finds her passport.

[00:25:41] And then he's like, what the fuck?

[00:25:43] He goes and summons the rest of the family and Pilar is forced to confess.

[00:25:48] So I'm just imagining Poirot, like, looking up with his...

[00:25:52] Yes.

[00:25:53] His, like, famously subtle, beautiful face acting.

[00:25:57] Yes.

[00:25:57] And looking into the middle distance and going, what the fuck?

[00:26:01] Exactly.

[00:26:02] What the fuck?

[00:26:03] So Pilar is forced to confess that she is really Concheta Lopez.

[00:26:07] Who is a friend of Pilar, but who was with her when Pilar died.

[00:26:13] So then she thought, okay, you know what?

[00:26:15] She would have some fun with the family, try and get some money off them and stuff.

[00:26:18] But she was actually really touched by Arthur and Lydia's gesture that she realized she couldn't go through with it.

[00:26:25] Everyone is shocked.

[00:26:26] But Harry, however, seems happy to find out that she is on his knees.

[00:26:30] Again, not that it stopped him flirting with her before, right?

[00:26:33] Yeah.

[00:26:33] So anyway, Concheta then reveals that she also saw a woman at Simeon's door just before the commotion.

[00:26:41] And you're like, huh, okay.

[00:26:43] So then Poirot goes on to basically say, look, every one year has had a motive to kill Simeon, right?

[00:26:49] He goes on with all their various motives.

[00:26:51] And then this then leads Lydia to admit that she was the woman outside Simeon's door.

[00:26:58] Because according to her, she was so pissed off at Simeon for what he had said before dinner.

[00:27:03] And she was going to stand up to him and tell him, fuck you.

[00:27:06] Arthur and I are leaving.

[00:27:07] You can go take care of yourself, right?

[00:27:09] Straighten your own legs.

[00:27:11] Yeah.

[00:27:11] And then she's like, oh my God, I was there when he died.

[00:27:14] And she was really horrified by it.

[00:27:16] And then Poirot was like, actually, no.

[00:27:19] Oh, Simeon was already dead by the time the commotion happened.

[00:27:23] So then he goes on his, you know, long...

[00:27:26] I just love this part, right?

[00:27:28] Of any like Agatha Christie book, movie and other ones which have been influenced by it.

[00:27:35] Like Murder, She Wrote and Death in Paradise and stuff.

[00:27:37] You know, when they tell you like, so this is what happened.

[00:27:39] And they tell everybody there, you know.

[00:27:41] So he goes, okay, look.

[00:27:42] The murderer had quietly killed Simeon way before that.

[00:27:47] They then piled up all this furniture in the middle of the room, tying the bottom piece of the furniture over a piece of string, which was then thrown out the window, right?

[00:27:57] And then what explains the squeal, right?

[00:28:00] Because he said, ah, you know, one of you said that this sounds like a dying pig.

[00:28:04] And that was right.

[00:28:05] Because the squeal that they heard actually came from this joke shop pig squeal balloon, which is really horrible, by the way.

[00:28:14] Why would anybody want to have that as a joke?

[00:28:17] Like, ew, it's horrid.

[00:28:19] Just to have a big noise that startles everybody?

[00:28:21] Yeah, I know.

[00:28:22] But it's so horrible sound.

[00:28:24] It's like a really horrible sound.

[00:28:25] So apparently, you know, you blow up this balloon, you put a little plug in it, right?

[00:28:31] And then when you pull out the plug, as the balloon deflates, this horrible squeal comes out.

[00:28:36] So that's what happened.

[00:28:37] You know, the assailant blew up the balloon, plugged it with the wooden cork, tied the cork to a piece of string that was also thrown out the window.

[00:28:45] So they then locked the door from the outside, went around the house, pulled the strings, the two strings.

[00:28:52] One causes all the furniture to fall.

[00:28:54] The other one releases the cork from the balloon, right?

[00:28:58] And that's what they all heard.

[00:29:00] And then all that's left to reveal is the killer.

[00:29:03] In order to do that, he then traipses them all in the snow, to this nearby like...

[00:29:09] We're going for a walk and it's going to be revelatory.

[00:29:13] Exactly.

[00:29:13] It's like, all right, everyone, grab your coats.

[00:29:15] Let's go.

[00:29:16] And you go to this...

[00:29:17] It's like a hotel or something, right?

[00:29:20] Like a house.

[00:29:21] A nice B&B.

[00:29:23] Nice B&B, yeah.

[00:29:24] It's an Airbnb.

[00:29:25] Yeah, totes.

[00:29:27] And you go to the door of Stella.

[00:29:30] Who is not surprised at all.

[00:29:31] She's like, sup.

[00:29:32] She's like, oh.

[00:29:32] What's up, everybody?

[00:29:33] Hey.

[00:29:34] And then he goes, right, I want to see your son.

[00:29:37] She's like, oh, fine.

[00:29:39] So she lets them all in and she tells them.

[00:29:41] Simeon had robbed her and left her pregnant.

[00:29:45] And obviously she hated him forever.

[00:29:47] And she waited and waited until she could exact her revenge.

[00:29:50] And she raised her son.

[00:29:52] And she instilled this hatred of his father in him as well.

[00:29:56] Right?

[00:29:56] Just as she's telling them the whole thing.

[00:29:59] Who enters but Sucton?

[00:30:01] So he is the son.

[00:30:04] He is Simeon's illegitimate son.

[00:30:07] Poirot had already deduced this because of the family resemblance.

[00:30:13] And this was working in his head.

[00:30:16] Especially when Trasillian had said that he had seen all of this before.

[00:30:20] And when he saw Harry, it was all working in his head.

[00:30:23] So what he did, he went to the joke shop.

[00:30:26] And he bought a little fake mustache.

[00:30:29] And he climbed up on the mantelpiece.

[00:30:31] And he stuck this fake mustache onto the portrait of Simeon.

[00:30:36] He's like, voila!

[00:30:38] It is Sucton.

[00:30:39] And he also explains that Sucton then not only killed Simeon out of hatred.

[00:30:43] But he then went on to try to frame other members of the family.

[00:30:46] So he was the one who hid the empty box in Magdalena's suitcase.

[00:30:51] Oh, and by the way, which I forgot to say, the diamonds were taken out of the safe.

[00:30:56] And they were actually scattered in Lydia's Japanese garden.

[00:31:00] Because they just looked like stones, right?

[00:31:03] Because these are uncut diamonds.

[00:31:05] He did it knowing that the police would find it.

[00:31:08] And then he attacked Pilar slash Concheta.

[00:31:13] Because he was afraid that she was going to discover who he was.

[00:31:16] Because she had made some subtle comments.

[00:31:18] Again, like offhand remarks, right?

[00:31:20] About how Simeon would have been a very handsome man.

[00:31:23] Just like you.

[00:31:24] Like you.

[00:31:25] Like you.

[00:31:26] Yes.

[00:31:27] Exactly.

[00:31:28] And then she made a remark about, oh, the balloon just looked just like the thing that I found.

[00:31:33] So she had to go.

[00:31:35] Yeah, so she had to go.

[00:31:36] But he couldn't kill her properly because everybody ran out.

[00:31:39] You can't kill Pilar.

[00:31:40] You can't kill Pilar.

[00:31:42] It's impossible.

[00:31:42] So anyway, he gets arrested.

[00:31:44] Everybody lives happily ever after.

[00:31:46] After Pilar, well, Concheta and Harry go off to Paris.

[00:31:52] Poirot and Jap head back to London.

[00:31:55] And then Poirot gives Jap his present.

[00:31:58] He's very happy.

[00:31:59] And then he lies that, you know, to say that he likes the gloves.

[00:32:03] And then Jap's like, aren't you going to wear them now?

[00:32:05] He's like, no, no, no.

[00:32:06] These are too beautiful.

[00:32:08] I'm going to save them for best.

[00:32:10] I will only wear them to church.

[00:32:12] And we know he doesn't go to church.

[00:32:14] Oh, sure he does.

[00:32:15] Well, he's Catholic anyway.

[00:32:16] Yeah, but did he go to church at Christmas Day?

[00:32:19] I don't think so.

[00:32:19] Oh, that's true.

[00:32:21] Oh, that's true.

[00:32:22] He did not.

[00:32:23] So there we go.

[00:32:25] The end.

[00:32:27] And at which point I then texted Alice to go like,

[00:32:30] why did Poirot got to be so, you know, snobby about gloves?

[00:32:35] They were really sweet because Jap said that Mrs. Jap had spent like months knitting those gloves.

[00:32:42] They're really sweet.

[00:32:43] I mean, they're not the prettiest gloves, but, you know, they're made of love.

[00:32:47] But they are not for Poirot.

[00:32:48] Yeah, not for Poirot because he's so beautifully dressed.

[00:32:51] Yeah.

[00:32:52] Yeah.

[00:32:52] So he can put them on his mantelpiece.

[00:32:55] Yeah.

[00:32:56] Or, like I also texted Alice, maybe if he gets home, he still doesn't have any heating,

[00:33:00] and then he's going to wear the gloves at home.

[00:33:02] Yeah, and he can wear nicer gloves over them.

[00:33:04] Just get a size up.

[00:33:05] Yeah.

[00:33:06] Yeah.

[00:33:14] I need to start with an important fact that I learned recently on the internet,

[00:33:20] which is that crows can hold a grudge for up to 14 years.

[00:33:26] I know.

[00:33:26] That's why I love them.

[00:33:27] And repeatedly seek revenge.

[00:33:31] Oh, I fucking love them.

[00:33:32] I knew this.

[00:33:33] I mean, I didn't know about 14 years.

[00:33:35] I just knew they held a grudge and they sought revenge.

[00:33:38] Like, say you harmed one of their friends.

[00:33:41] Like, they weren't even involved.

[00:33:43] They weren't even there.

[00:33:44] Their friends just told them and they're like, fuck you, I'm going to get this guy.

[00:33:47] Yeah.

[00:33:48] Mm-hmm.

[00:33:49] Repeatedly, though.

[00:33:50] I know.

[00:33:51] So good, right?

[00:33:52] Like, first, I'm going to peck out your eye.

[00:33:55] And then, I'm going to poop in it.

[00:33:58] Yep.

[00:34:00] I love it.

[00:34:01] I mean, see, I'm all for revenge.

[00:34:03] Revenge.

[00:34:07] Just you and your adorable, cozy little oody.

[00:34:10] I know.

[00:34:11] Rubbing your warm little hands together in the pocket.

[00:34:14] I love revenge.

[00:34:15] I love revenge.

[00:34:17] I mean, I'm a big fan.

[00:34:19] And I'm a big fan of, you know, a dish best served cold.

[00:34:23] And I have to say, Stella did a pristine job here.

[00:34:28] I feel like the only stumbling block she had was having to rely on her son.

[00:34:35] I know.

[00:34:36] To do so much of it.

[00:34:36] Just do it yourself.

[00:34:38] Yeah.

[00:34:38] Don't get something done properly.

[00:34:40] Do it yourself.

[00:34:40] Yeah, exactly.

[00:34:42] Mm-hmm.

[00:34:42] In my headcanon, they're not punished for this.

[00:34:46] Everyone just agrees that Simeon Lee needed some killing.

[00:34:50] Exactly.

[00:34:51] Look, look.

[00:34:51] He died.

[00:34:52] Everyone gets the money.

[00:34:54] Everyone's happy.

[00:34:55] Pilar goes off with no longer Uncle Harry.

[00:35:00] And, you know.

[00:35:02] Everyone has a better life.

[00:35:04] Mm-hmm.

[00:35:04] So in that vein, tonight I am drinking a South African white wine.

[00:35:09] Very nice.

[00:35:10] Not for Simeon Lee.

[00:35:12] Mm-hmm.

[00:35:13] And his blood diamonds, but for Stella.

[00:35:15] Yes.

[00:35:16] Should we start off then?

[00:35:17] Can I tell you a little bit about South African diamond mining and how Simeon Lee made his fortune?

[00:35:23] Yeah.

[00:35:23] Yeah, yeah.

[00:35:23] Okay, so the show opens in 1896 with these two guys who are clearly trying to strike it rich by finding diamonds and setting up a diamond mine.

[00:35:33] So what's up with South African diamond mining?

[00:35:36] What was going on in South Africa?

[00:35:38] So diamonds were first discovered in 1867, so about 30 years before our dead villain is looking for them, in the Cape Colony, which is now the Northern Cape, by a 15-year-old boy named Erasmus Jacobs.

[00:35:51] Mm-hmm.

[00:35:52] And the diamond was named the Eureka diamond.

[00:35:55] Appropriately named.

[00:35:56] And it was, get this, 21.19 carats.

[00:36:02] Fuck.

[00:36:04] That's massive.

[00:36:06] And I have no idea where the Eureka diamond is now.

[00:36:10] It's actually...

[00:36:11] Ooh, you paused to look it up.

[00:36:13] I looked it up.

[00:36:15] Yep.

[00:36:15] It's currently on display at the Mine Museum in Kimberley.

[00:36:18] Kimberley, South Africa.

[00:36:19] Not Kimberley, my house.

[00:36:21] Kimberly in the Northern Cape.

[00:36:23] Yes.

[00:36:23] And that makes sense because people started flocking to South Africa looking for diamonds, and they found a buttload in Kimberley.

[00:36:32] Ooh.

[00:36:32] Which apparently still has a diamond museum.

[00:36:35] Mm-hmm.

[00:36:35] And then you get these assholes like Cecil Rhodes and the De Beer brothers who come and set up mines and mining companies.

[00:36:45] And by 1877, the diamond industry is already really productive and profitable, and it continues to grow with new mines being founded up until 1899 when the Anglo-Boer War broke out.

[00:36:59] And if you're a period drama fan, that war might sound familiar to you.

[00:37:04] You might actually just be an intelligent and, like, educated person, and you know about the Anglo-Boer War anyway.

[00:37:11] Or you could just be a dummy who watches Downton Abbey.

[00:37:15] So you might remember that Robert Crawley and John Bates were together in the Boer War.

[00:37:21] Ooh.

[00:37:22] And that's how Mr. Bates became his valet.

[00:37:25] Right.

[00:37:26] So in 1896, three years before the Anglo-Boer War, Simeon and his partner, rest in peace Garrett, were just getting in there with their scrappy little diamond company.

[00:37:39] Which, as you pointed out, we see on the side of Simeon Lee's car.

[00:37:43] Mm-hmm.

[00:37:44] And it's called the Zwartland River Mining Company.

[00:37:47] So based on those clues, the fact that Zwart in Dutch means black, and Zwartland is fictional, but I think it's most likely a reference to the Orange River Colony, which was an Afrikaans-speaking, historically Dutch colony.

[00:38:06] And diamonds were also discovered and mined there.

[00:38:09] And Stella, in the beginning, we hear her speaking Afrikaans and trying to teach him Afrikaans.

[00:38:16] And unfortunately, although I did learn to speak some Afrikaans when I lived in South Africa, I didn't know.

[00:38:23] I just forgot about it.

[00:38:24] Yeah.

[00:38:24] So that's just a bit of context to that little opening vignette.

[00:38:28] Right.

[00:38:28] Right.

[00:38:29] Yeah.

[00:38:29] And how he got his money and all of that stuff.

[00:38:31] Yeah.

[00:38:31] Now, if we're going to talk about Poirot, there's so, so much to cover that we couldn't possibly go all into.

[00:38:39] But I want to give a little bit of background about Poirot.

[00:38:42] So I found this amazing book.

[00:38:45] Look at you reading all the books.

[00:38:47] I know.

[00:38:48] This is like my second, like, non-consecutive episode involving a book.

[00:38:54] I know.

[00:38:55] So this is based on a novel, but I wasn't able to get and read the novel.

[00:39:00] I've never read the novel.

[00:39:01] Maybe that's something I'll do this Christmas.

[00:39:03] Yeah, there you go.

[00:39:04] Yeah, you should do that.

[00:39:05] What if I read a book over Christmas?

[00:39:07] No.

[00:39:08] That would be so wild.

[00:39:10] I know.

[00:39:10] Who are you?

[00:39:11] But I can tell you a little bit of the differences between the book and the film.

[00:39:16] We'll get to that a little bit later.

[00:39:18] First, I want to recommend this book that I got, which is called Agatha Christie, Hercule Poirot, The Life and Times of Hercule Poirot.

[00:39:27] And it's by Anne Hart.

[00:39:29] She has another one just like this about Miss Marple.

[00:39:32] And what she does is do kind of a timeline of the life of the character based on all of the books and stories.

[00:39:41] She doesn't just go through the bibliography and tell you the stuff that they did.

[00:39:47] She also pulls out little anecdotes that they say throughout all of the books and stories when they're talking about their past or things that we haven't seen them do in any of their stories, but that they discuss with other characters.

[00:40:01] And so from that, we get some biographical information.

[00:40:04] So I can tell you based on her book.

[00:40:07] Yeah.

[00:40:08] That there's some debate over when Poirot was born.

[00:40:13] Okay.

[00:40:14] Because like Miss Marple, he was already an older character when he was introduced.

[00:40:20] Mm-hmm.

[00:40:21] And then his adventures spanned decades and decades.

[00:40:25] So he couldn't possibly have lived that long.

[00:40:27] Mm-hmm.

[00:40:28] Just like Miss Marple started off as an old lady and…

[00:40:32] Just wouldn't die.

[00:40:33] Just would not die.

[00:40:34] She was like 150 years old.

[00:40:35] Yeah.

[00:40:36] Yeah.

[00:40:36] Imagine.

[00:40:37] That would be so sweet.

[00:40:37] It's like crime-solving vampire.

[00:40:39] I mean, you know all vampires are bad, okay?

[00:40:43] So Poirot first appears in 1920 in The Mysterious Affair at Stiles, which was first serialized in the Weekly Times in 18 parts between February and June of 1920.

[00:40:58] And then it was published as a novel in the UK in January of 1921.

[00:41:03] Mm-hmm.

[00:41:03] That book is set in 1916.

[00:41:06] And at that point, Poirot is meant to be kind of nearing retirement age from the Belgian police force.

[00:41:14] So working backwards from that, we can sort of guesstimate his birth decade.

[00:41:22] And we know very little about Poirot in Belgium at all, let alone in his early days and his youth.

[00:41:29] But we know that he comes from a big family, that he was Catholic, and that he adored his mother.

[00:41:37] Oh.

[00:42:06] Yeah.

[00:42:17] And he was a player in the Belgian resistance.

[00:42:40] And that's how he came to be embroiled in The Mysterious Affair at Stiles.

[00:42:46] Oh, okay.

[00:42:46] That's a little bit of background on Poirot.

[00:42:49] So this book in particular was, again, first serialized in the Daily Express.

[00:42:55] It was a 20-part serial called Murder at Christmas, which was published between like November, December 1938.

[00:43:02] And it came with illustrations, which I would really love to see.

[00:43:07] Yeah.

[00:43:07] And then it was published as a novel in the UK in December of 1938.

[00:43:12] And then in the US as A Murder for Christmas in 1939.

[00:43:17] It was also published under the title A Holiday for Murder.

[00:43:21] Hmm.

[00:43:22] Fun.

[00:43:22] And again, it's really close to the book as an adaptation.

[00:43:26] But there are a few differences.

[00:43:28] The first is that we don't have Chief Inspector Jap.

[00:43:33] Oh, okay.

[00:43:34] Although he does appear in a lot of the other books.

[00:43:37] In this book, when Poirot's heating goes out, he goes for Christmas to the home of Colonel Johnson, who is the chief constable of Middlesher.

[00:43:46] And it's just a coincidence that he's there when Colonel Johnson gets called out to investigate the murder of Simeon Lee.

[00:43:53] Oh, okay.

[00:43:54] Which to me makes a little bit more sense.

[00:43:56] Yeah.

[00:43:56] Because it seems incredibly strange that Sugden would know of Poirot's international reputation as a detective and decide that he wants him to be there to not figure out that he did this crime.

[00:44:10] Right, yeah.

[00:44:10] But be some kind of a witness to solidify his genius alibi.

[00:44:15] Also in the book, Simeon Lee has not one, but two illegitimate sons who are present and murder suspects.

[00:44:25] The first is Superintendent Sugden.

[00:44:28] Mm-hmm.

[00:44:28] And the other is supposedly the son of Simeon's mining partner, who apparently he did not kill in the book.

[00:44:37] Okay.

[00:44:38] But he did sleep with his wife.

[00:44:41] Ah, fucker.

[00:44:42] Oh, yeah, okay.

[00:44:43] Because that son is actually Simeon's son.

[00:44:47] Right.

[00:44:47] And he knows this.

[00:44:48] Right.

[00:44:49] So his name is Stephen Grant.

[00:44:52] Mm-hmm.

[00:44:53] Sugden is also not the illegitimate son of Stella, a woman from South Africa, but a local woman.

[00:45:01] Okay.

[00:45:02] Meaning that he was probably sired later on in Simeon's life when he had settled down in his manor house.

[00:45:09] So Pilar spends the book flirting not with Harry Lee, but with this illegitimate son from Simeon's partner, Stephen.

[00:45:18] Okay.

[00:45:18] And so at the end of the book, she marries Stephen and goes off with him.

[00:45:22] Okay.

[00:45:23] So it's again a bit of a yay, we're not related.

[00:45:26] Yay, okay.

[00:45:27] And finally, there's also another son.

[00:45:30] Just add more and more and more sons.

[00:45:32] Oh, wow.

[00:45:32] He's busy, man.

[00:45:33] Yeah.

[00:45:33] Okay.

[00:45:34] There's a son, David Lee, who is an artist who has a wife called Hilda.

[00:45:39] Okay.

[00:45:39] So in the book, basically, there are just more children, more suspects.

[00:45:43] Right.

[00:45:43] They streamlined it a bit.

[00:45:45] Okay.

[00:45:45] Fair, fair, fair.

[00:45:46] Yeah.

[00:45:46] A funny thing I found out was that this book has also been adapted for French TV.

[00:45:52] Oh, okay.

[00:45:53] Twice, once in a 2006 miniseries and once in 2018 as an episode in another longstanding Agatha Christie murder mystery series.

[00:46:06] But neither adaptation has Poirot in it.

[00:46:10] Why?

[00:46:11] I don't know.

[00:46:12] And the series episode is not even-

[00:46:15] Is it because he's Belgian?

[00:46:16] Yeah.

[00:46:17] And the series episode is not even set at Christmas.

[00:46:20] That is just so weird.

[00:46:23] It's definitely because he's Belgian.

[00:46:25] He's definitely because he's Belgian.

[00:46:26] And speaking of adaptations for screen, David Suchet plays Poirot in this episode.

[00:46:32] And David Suchet is universally considered the Poirot of all time because he spent so many years with this character.

[00:46:42] There's a beautiful memoir by David Suchet called Poirot and Me in which he describes his relationship with the character over all of these years that he spent with him.

[00:46:51] And so we forget oftentimes that there have been other Poirots and there will be more Poirots in the future if we want to have more adaptations of Poirot stories.

[00:47:03] So I have a list of every person who's ever played Poirot.

[00:47:08] Ever played Poirot.

[00:47:09] Okay.

[00:47:09] I won't go through the whole list.

[00:47:11] But I do want to point out a few of them because there are some really interesting facts that kind of come along with them.

[00:47:17] So the first ever person to play Poirot on screen.

[00:47:22] I'm stipulating here that I'm not even including theater, radio, parodies, or animation.

[00:47:30] But there's an anime series from 2004 called Agatha Christie's Great Detective Poirot and Marple from Japan.

[00:47:39] And I would love, love, love to watch it.

[00:47:42] Oh, wow.

[00:47:44] Yeah, I want to look that up.

[00:47:45] But just a few notable people who played Poirot strictly on screen.

[00:47:49] So film and TV.

[00:47:51] The first was Austin Trevor.

[00:47:53] He did three films in 1931 and 1934.

[00:47:57] Which if you think about it was before this book was even written or published.

[00:48:02] Wow, okay.

[00:48:03] So at that time, these weren't even period dramas.

[00:48:06] Right, yeah.

[00:48:07] This was a contemporary detective show, like Broadchurch.

[00:48:11] Yeah.

[00:48:11] The second was a guy called Francis L. Sullivan in a BBC teleplay in 1937.

[00:48:18] This one stood out to me because I thought television in 1937, that's wild.

[00:48:23] Yeah, wow.

[00:48:24] But apparently at that time, BBC television service only served the London area.

[00:48:30] Okay.

[00:48:31] Which I found so fascinating.

[00:48:33] Yeah, it is fascinating.

[00:48:34] So the next really famous one was Albert Finney in 1974, who was Poirot in Murder on the Orient Express.

[00:48:44] By the way, I recently saw Murder on the Orient Express.

[00:48:48] The new one.

[00:48:48] The play.

[00:48:49] Oh, the play.

[00:48:50] Oh, yeah, you did.

[00:48:51] In Edinburgh.

[00:48:52] And it was so much fun.

[00:48:54] The staging was amazing.

[00:48:55] So shout out to my friend, Kirstie, who encouraged me to go with her and buy those tickets.

[00:49:01] It was such a fun night.

[00:49:02] But the Albert Finney Murder on the Orient Express film got six Oscar nominations.

[00:49:09] And Ingrid Bergman won Best Supporting Actress.

[00:49:13] And Agatha Christie made her last public appearance at the London premiere of that movie in 1974.

[00:49:23] And Poirot would have his last adventure the following year in 1975.

[00:49:28] David Suchet became Poirot in 1989, as I already mentioned.

[00:49:34] And his tenure as Poirot ran to 2013.

[00:49:38] Since his retirement as Poirot, the mantle has been taken up by Kenneth Branagh, who made Murder on the Orient Express in 2017 and Death on the Nile in 2020.

[00:49:52] I haven't seen either of those films.

[00:49:54] I've seen Murder on the Orient Express, but not Death on the Nile.

[00:49:58] What did you think of it?

[00:50:00] Oh, I enjoyed.

[00:50:01] I mean, I enjoyed it.

[00:50:02] Yeah.

[00:50:03] He's such a strange choice.

[00:50:04] I haven't really been able to bring myself to watch them.

[00:50:08] See, yeah, because, you see, I didn't watch the David Suchet ones, right?

[00:50:11] You know?

[00:50:12] I mean, I didn't, like, grow up with it.

[00:50:14] So I think if I did, then it would be difficult for me.

[00:50:17] Yeah.

[00:50:17] Yeah.

[00:50:17] It would be interesting, then, to see your take on watching all of the other ones.

[00:50:21] Yeah.

[00:50:21] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:50:22] And John Malkovich, in 2018, was in BBC miniseries adaptation of the ABC murders.

[00:50:31] Huh.

[00:50:31] John Malkovich.

[00:50:32] Again, can't picture it.

[00:50:34] These guys are too skinny.

[00:50:35] Mmm.

[00:50:37] So the last thing I'm going to mention quickly, because I'm not going to take our listeners down all the rabbit holes that I went down.

[00:50:44] Mmm.

[00:50:45] But this is a locked room mystery.

[00:50:47] And Agatha Christie is known for being one of the great artists of locked room mysteries.

[00:50:54] Mmm.

[00:50:55] And the locked room mystery is one of the pillars of the golden age of detective fiction, which was between the 1920s and the 1950s.

[00:51:05] Mmm.

[00:51:05] So I'll just say two interesting things.

[00:51:09] Okay.

[00:51:10] The first is, obviously, a locked room mystery is classically, like our story here, a story in which a murder victim is found in a locked room.

[00:51:22] And it seems like there's no way that the murder could have happened outside of some kind of supernatural evil influence.

[00:51:29] Mmm.

[00:51:29] And many argue that the earliest well-known example of this is a short story by Edgar Allan Poe from 1841 called The Murders at the Rue Morgue.

[00:51:43] Oh, yes.

[00:51:44] Have you read it?

[00:51:45] Long time ago, but now I can't remember, so I want to read it again.

[00:51:49] Yeah.

[00:51:49] So two people are killed in a locked room in Paris.

[00:51:53] There's a detective character, C. Auguste Dupin.

[00:51:57] Yeah.

[00:51:58] Mm-hmm.

[00:51:59] Who decides he's going to try to solve it.

[00:52:01] And in the end, sorry spoiler, it turns out to be a homicidal orangutan who climbed up the building and got in.

[00:52:10] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[00:52:11] It was like, ah, I hate you guys, which is absolutely ridiculous because have you ever met an orangutan?

[00:52:18] I know this one night.

[00:52:19] There's two nights.

[00:52:20] There's no such thing as a homicidal orangutan.

[00:52:22] But did you also know that there are just a handful of real-life locked room mysteries?

[00:52:29] No.

[00:52:29] Okay, tell me.

[00:52:30] There is, of course, a list that you can find on Murderpedia.

[00:52:34] Mm-hmm.

[00:52:35] But I'm just going to talk about one that I like.

[00:52:38] Mm-hmm.

[00:52:38] My favorite is the story of Letitia Theroux from May 16th, 1937.

[00:52:46] It happened on Paris Metro.

[00:52:50] Mm-hmm.

[00:52:50] Letitia Theroux was found stabbed to death on what was otherwise an empty first-class compartment on the Paris Metro.

[00:53:00] Mm-hmm.

[00:53:01] Didn't know that they had first-class on the Metro.

[00:53:04] Mm-hmm.

[00:53:04] Anyway, not the point.

[00:53:06] The subway train had left the terminus, so the end station, at 6.27 p.m.

[00:53:14] and had arrived at the next station at 6.28 p.m.

[00:53:19] Mm-hmm.

[00:53:20] No witness saw anyone else enter or leave the compartment.

[00:53:25] Mm-hmm.

[00:53:25] Where her body was found.

[00:53:27] So that means whoever committed the murder had one minute and 20 seconds to do it.

[00:53:33] Bloody hell.

[00:53:33] And the case has never been solved.

[00:53:36] I was hoping you would tell me how they did it.

[00:53:38] And I was like, damn it.

[00:53:39] I have very few other notes for this film, although I do have a few questions.

[00:53:44] One of which is, what was Simeon Lee trying to achieve when he made that call to his solicitor in front of everybody to say that he was trying to change his will?

[00:53:56] I mean, he was just an asshole, right?

[00:53:57] He just wanted to cause trouble.

[00:53:58] He just wanted them all to fight.

[00:53:59] Yeah, so he wants them all to fight, but clearly he had some kind of endgame.

[00:54:04] Yeah.

[00:54:05] Like, this is someone who thinks a few steps ahead, at least.

[00:54:08] He's not just, like, making this fake phone call to watch some feathers fly, watch them at each other's throats.

[00:54:15] I feel like because he set it up so that Harry was coming home, Pilar was there, he didn't just bring all these people just to make them miserable.

[00:54:26] Although, it's easy to think that because he's a horrible, miserable person.

[00:54:31] I feel like he had something else in the works.

[00:54:34] There was some kind of other evil, sadistic plan that he was going to enact.

[00:54:41] Like, maybe he was going to change his will at some point.

[00:54:45] I kind of had a feeling that he knew something was his son, you know?

[00:54:49] Maybe that was it.

[00:54:50] He was going to say, I leave it to my remaining children, and then he was going to reveal that Sugden was one of his remaining children,

[00:54:59] and then watch them, you know, have to fight over the fact that, you know, he was going to be part of the will.

[00:55:06] But then why would he call Poirot?

[00:55:07] I just don't, yeah.

[00:55:09] Like, it seemed as if he legit knew Sugden was his son.

[00:55:12] He suspected Sugden was going to kill him.

[00:55:15] Mm-hmm.

[00:55:16] And then he wanted Poirot there.

[00:55:18] Yeah.

[00:55:18] That seems like the only reason he would call Poirot, right, is that he had a legitimate reason to call Poirot.

[00:55:24] Yeah.

[00:55:24] He said his life was in danger.

[00:55:27] Mm-hmm.

[00:55:27] Yeah.

[00:55:27] He thought that maybe Sugden was going to kill him.

[00:55:31] Mm-hmm.

[00:55:31] And maybe he was going to prevent it.

[00:55:33] But on the flip side, he's old.

[00:55:36] He's decrepit.

[00:55:38] Yes.

[00:55:38] Yes, he's sexually harassing his daughter-in-law, implying that he's getting some kind of erection from her moving his legs around.

[00:55:47] But he probably isn't.

[00:55:48] So, like, what is he getting out of life anymore at all?

[00:55:52] Mm-hmm.

[00:55:52] Not saying that boners means that you're getting something out of life.

[00:55:56] But, I mean, for him, he's like, he's kind of making everyone around him miserable.

[00:56:01] So, there's no joy left in his life.

[00:56:04] Maybe he's ready to die.

[00:56:06] And maybe he figures being murdered as part of a revenge plot is a good way to go.

[00:56:13] Mm-hmm.

[00:56:13] Maybe he wanted Poirot to catch his murderer.

[00:56:19] But it seems like maybe he was setting up all of that, getting all of those people together so that one of them would murder him.

[00:56:30] Yeah.

[00:56:30] And then Poirot would figure out whoever did it.

[00:56:32] That's true, actually.

[00:56:33] So that they wouldn't have the satisfaction of getting away with it.

[00:56:36] Yeah.

[00:56:37] Oh, fucker.

[00:56:38] Yeah.

[00:56:39] My only other question is about that dying pig fucking toy.

[00:56:44] Oh, it's horrible.

[00:56:46] It's horrible.

[00:56:47] I mean, really, I just, oh, that sound.

[00:56:49] I'm sorry that it's traumatized you.

[00:56:51] If it makes you feel anybody, I don't think it's a real thing.

[00:56:54] Yeah, it better not be because it's a horrible thing.

[00:56:56] It's horrible.

[00:56:57] Like, really?

[00:56:57] I was like, what the hell kind of toy is that?

[00:56:59] It's horrid.

[00:57:01] I can imagine there is a toy out there that makes a horrible kind of noise like that.

[00:57:05] Like a fart sound.

[00:57:05] You know what I mean?

[00:57:06] Like a fart sound or something funny.

[00:57:09] Right?

[00:57:09] Like, that's not funny.

[00:57:10] Everyone knows farts are funny.

[00:57:12] Sounds of dying animals are not.

[00:57:14] Yeah.

[00:57:15] But regardless of that, I don't think there's any toy that could actually literally make

[00:57:20] that sound that you could hear it throughout an entire manor house and then it lasts for

[00:57:25] like 30 fucking seconds.

[00:57:28] Well, it was a very long balloon.

[00:57:30] Like, it takes a while.

[00:57:31] If you think about it, right?

[00:57:32] It was a really, really, I don't know.

[00:57:33] Would it be that loud?

[00:57:36] Yeah.

[00:57:36] No, no, no, no.

[00:57:36] I mean, for the length of it, it could be like, depending on how long, how big the balloon

[00:57:40] is, right?

[00:57:40] Because how long it takes to deflate, that's how long the sound would last.

[00:57:44] Yeah.

[00:57:44] But how loud?

[00:57:45] No, I don't know.

[00:57:46] I don't think so.

[00:57:47] No.

[00:57:47] Also, I don't know how popular this joke shop is.

[00:57:50] I don't know what these rich people in the manor house are into.

[00:57:53] Maybe they've never encountered this kind of thing before, but I feel like if you've

[00:57:57] ever heard that kind of balloon joke going off, you will not forget it in a hurry.

[00:58:02] And so as soon as you hear it, you're like, that's not someone getting murdered.

[00:58:06] That's one of those fucking balloons.

[00:58:08] Also, it doesn't make sense.

[00:58:10] You see, if his throat was cut, right?

[00:58:12] No one whose throat's cut is going to be screaming.

[00:58:15] I guess if you're screaming as you're struggling, I guess.

[00:58:17] But I think that bit was unnecessary.

[00:58:20] You know what I mean?

[00:58:20] The crashing of the stuff was fine, right?

[00:58:24] You're in the struggle, you crash, but it's like your throat gets slit and you're like,

[00:58:29] you're dead.

[00:58:29] Yeah.

[00:58:30] I don't know.

[00:58:31] But yeah, I was like overkill to the max.

[00:58:33] It is definitely overkill.

[00:58:35] There are also a lot of potential fail points.

[00:58:38] I feel like going into someone's office, especially with so many people walking around

[00:58:44] and potentially wanting to knock on Simeon's door or whatever, to be stacking furniture

[00:58:51] seems really precarious.

[00:58:53] Yeah.

[00:58:54] Wouldn't that make noise in itself?

[00:58:55] Like, wouldn't they, while they're all kind of quietly seething at each other, be like,

[00:59:00] who's fucking moving furniture around upstairs?

[00:59:03] I know.

[00:59:03] My cats run up and, I mean, okay, granted I don't live in a fancy-ass manor house, but

[00:59:07] my cats run up and down and I can hear them.

[00:59:10] I don't mean to be poking holes in an Agatha Christie story.

[00:59:15] Poor Agatha Christie.

[00:59:16] I feel like these things, after like the 20th viewing of this movie, I feel like these

[00:59:21] things need to be addressed.

[00:59:23] Well, why don't you read it for Christmas and then come back and report?

[00:59:28] I will do.

[00:59:28] How do you feel after that?

[00:59:29] I mean, I won't really probably.

[00:59:30] Read a book at Christmas?

[00:59:32] How about audiobook?

[00:59:33] Oh, that's an idea.

[00:59:35] There you go.

[00:59:36] Right.

[00:59:36] Do you have an award for this television program?

[00:59:40] I do.

[00:59:42] My award goes to best use of a fake mustache.

[00:59:45] Oh, yes.

[00:59:47] Because I was like, I mean, what else would you use it for, right?

[00:59:50] This is the best way to use it.

[00:59:51] This is great.

[00:59:52] Yeah.

[00:59:52] Just go around people's fancy manor homes.

[00:59:56] That's what you should do.

[00:59:57] You should just go by, like buy a few and just go around.

[00:59:59] Climb up on that shit, put a mustache up there and be like, it's you.

[01:00:03] It's you.

[01:00:05] Yes.

[01:00:07] That's a brilliant one.

[01:00:08] I know.

[01:00:09] I could like, I could like go to Blenheim Palace, you know, because it's like the

[01:00:12] nearest fancy manor house to me and it'd be like.

[01:00:16] You arm a slap with a mustache on someone's face.

[01:00:18] And a historian just tackles you.

[01:00:21] I was like, no.

[01:00:25] Now you know what his illegitimate son would look like.

[01:00:29] I did it for progress.

[01:00:35] Okay.

[01:00:36] What's yours?

[01:00:36] What's yours?

[01:00:37] I've already tipped my hand a little and said that I am deeply enamored with Pilar.

[01:00:42] Yeah, you are.

[01:00:43] She is my absolute fave.

[01:00:45] She is goals.

[01:00:47] She is my muse.

[01:00:49] And she is the best fake family member in period drama.

[01:00:55] She's cool.

[01:00:56] If I had to have a fake family member, I'd want it to be her.

[01:00:59] Yeah.

[01:00:59] Because she would kill someone just like that.

[01:01:06] Well, this is our last episode of 2024.

[01:01:10] I can't believe it.

[01:01:11] Oh my God.

[01:01:12] And now we're going on our Christmas holidays.

[01:01:15] Christmas holidays.

[01:01:16] We're probably going to be skiing and riding polar bears.

[01:01:22] Mm-hmm.

[01:01:23] And what other shit do people do at Christmas?

[01:01:27] Oh, they sing.

[01:01:28] They sing lots of carols apparently.

[01:01:30] Merrily on high.

[01:01:32] Do-do-do-do.

[01:01:34] Do-do-do.

[01:01:35] Be-be-le-le-do.

[01:01:38] So we are looking for recommendations and requests for our 2025 season.

[01:01:45] So please, if there's any period drama that you love and you would like to learn more about the history of or some movie facts or just listen to us summarize, please email us at fetchsmellingsalts at gmail.com or send us a DM on our Instagram at fetchsmellingsalts.

[01:02:07] We're also on threads.

[01:02:09] Oh, yeah.

[01:02:10] You can go to buymeacoffee.com slash fetchsmellingsalts.

[01:02:16] And we use all of that coinage to pay our long-suffering producer, Helen.

[01:02:22] Yes, because she has to listen to our bad singing.

[01:02:25] Yeah.

[01:02:25] Sorry, Helen.

[01:02:28] So I've got to go knit some gloves for my-

[01:02:32] For me?

[01:02:33] Uh, yeah.

[01:02:35] And I will only keep it for best and wear it when I go to church.

[01:02:39] Okay.

[01:02:40] Which you know is all the time.

[01:02:41] You go to church every day in your gloves.

[01:02:43] Every day in my life.

[01:02:45] In my gloves.

[01:02:46] Okay.

[01:02:47] Bye.

[01:02:48] Goodbye.

[01:02:57] It's all finished.

[01:02:59] What?