Thomas the Tank Engine - It's been a long, hot summer and we are five years old!

[00:00:00] This September, podcasts across the Podomedy Network are supporting CALM's Stay Tuned campaign. Podcasts can be good company, but sometimes people need somewhere to turn. CALM provides free, anonymous support for anyone struggling with suicidal thoughts or affected by suicide. If you can help, £12.20 can cover the cost of answering a potentially life-saving call. You'll find the link to give in the show notes. Thank you for supporting CALM.

[00:00:30] How do you feel about people who call their kids Hugh Ogue, that kind of thing? Great. I think it probably does lack a bit of imagination, you know? Michael Jr. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's crazy. Lil Will. I'm kind of surprised we don't have an MJ in your family, Michael. I know. Given your persistent love of Michael Jackson as well, that defies all logic and evidence. My third child, Michael Jackson. Hello, I'm Will.

[00:01:00] And I'm Hugh. And this is Legitimate Likes, the podcast where we take a look at some of humanity's most popular fascinations. And we try to work out, are they really worthy of the hype? They may be likes, but are they legitimate likes? This week, we're talking about Thomas the Tank Engine with producers Anya and Michael. And it's a brand new season! Yeah, we're back. I mean, it's summer. We've just come to the end of that period where we haven't recorded a podcast for a very long time. Yeah. Have you enjoyed that or have you missed it, Michael? I've missed it! It's nice to be back.

[00:01:29] I do have a question for you guys. Yeah? Which is, it's been a long, hot summer. Are we, and by we I mean the general population, are we wearing clothes or are we not? Because when you're out of bed at the moment, there are a lot of very barely closed people. Well, in France, they've actually just like started launching fines for men who go topless in and around places that aren't the beach. Okay.

[00:01:57] And I think this is crazy because if the French Revolution is anything to go by, France love taking people's tops off. Well done, Will. That's very nicely done. That's like we set that up, but you just had a question and I had a joke I'd written about it. That was nice. And I think I, I think I agree with you, but I just want to, I want to, I want some kind of agreement because I'm a natural prude. And as you say, there are a lot of men running out there with no tops on.

[00:02:27] Female athleisure wear has become extremely skimpy and I just don't know what we're doing. I don't know what we're doing. Such a different complaint. Didn't like the word skimpy. It's like men, men should wear a top and women should cover up. It felt like a real double standard. This is going the wrong way. We should be letting everyone free the nips, you know? Yeah. Well that's, maybe that's, maybe that's the way we're going, but I just want to know what direction it is. So I don't overstep the mark. I want to be told. What have you not been wearing that you've been told off for?

[00:02:55] Well, I was out running and I, it was a hot day and I was like, should I? Everyone else is running with their tops off. And I was like, should I be doing that? I was like, do you know what? That's not going to help at all. It's not going to help at all. I'm just going to get sunburned. And I won't be any. You run with your bottoms off though, is the problem. That would be. Yeah. No, I don't think so. It's context based, but I think, I think you probably shouldn't be whipping your top off. I think what I would settle for is some kind of broad rule whereby there's a minimum percentage. Where broads have to wear more clothes.

[00:03:24] They have to cover up. That's my broad rule. But like, if there was a rule that a minimum, you know, you had to cover a minimum 40% of your surface area or skin, as you call it, needs to be covered. You know, what's an acceptable percentage? Do we think? I kind of feel I'm sorry. I brought this up because our last episode was summer. I mean, when we're recording this, the nice bit of the summer is already over. And by the time we release this, who knows when it'll be. Yeah.

[00:03:54] Such an out of date conversation. I'd be listening to it in November. I'd be like, this is completely unrelatable. You want to talk about summer? Go back and listen to the last episode of our last season. It was about summer. In case anyone's wondering. Yeah. Do you know what has happened though, since that last episode, guys? What? We have turned five years old. Wow. Wow. Yeah, we have. Does that mean we can drink now? Absolutely not, Will. Okay. And no. How old are your children, Michael?

[00:04:22] If Michael had your way, you wouldn't be allowed to drink until you were 65. And even then, if you're pushing it, you'd have to pass some kind of test. Yeah. One of them will, one of my children is older than the podcast and one of them is younger. Wow. So I bet we put it that way. So we're your second child. Uh, I guess so. Yeah, I guess so. So how, are we your favorite? Uh, no. The fact you have to think about that at all is troubling. I have two wonderful children out of three children in total.

[00:04:52] Let's put it that way. Okay. And don't specify which is which. Exactly. What's the standard protocol for five year olds? What are five year olds up to, Michael? Uh, well actually, Hugh's probably a better place than I am. Yeah, that's true. But I think Hugh will give a sensible answer and you'll give something mad. I feel like they're developing reason if they're a boy and if they're a girl, they're, they're well past that. They've developed reason maybe four years previously. Okay.

[00:05:19] I was worried we were delving into another broad role. Yeah. Unfortunately for the girls, reason is something that will evade them forever. Do you know what though? Five years old. So, we have been going longer than Julius Caesar reigned as dictator of the Roman Empire. God, I thought Michael was going to do this in some sort of 27 club thing and tell us people who hadn't made it to five. No, no, no, no. The five club is a much sadder club. Yeah.

[00:05:47] We've been going longer than World War One. I mean, the 27 club isn't that fun either. I, I don't know, but... They're good innings. We've been going longer than World War One was on. And... Was on? Yeah, was on. Is the World War still on? They cancelled that, yeah. They cancelled it mid-season as well, which is always just funny. It was like Deadwood. The Christmas special was very underwhelming. Do you think we'll have as big a cultural impact though? Will we inspire as much poetry?

[00:06:14] We haven't thus far, but I suppose let that be a challenge to our listeners. Will we go as long as World War Two is the real question? I think so. I feel like... Well... Are we approaching VE Day? Are we... We have... I think we've already exceeded the, let's say, the occupation of the Netherlands, for example. Michael's approaching VD Day, am I right? That's really good, Michael. Very dull is what that stands for. Yeah. Anya, tops on or tops off? I don't think it's fair that men get shoot and women don't get shoot.

[00:06:44] Yeah. The fine in France for men having their tops off is gonna be like 500 quid, maybe 250. Fine for women is like 12 grand. It's so insane. Really? 12 grand? God, I just thought the French now. I think we should have more topless areas, maybe. Hmm. Well, it's like how you know you sometimes see the male footballers wearing their little bras these days, and they take their tops off. Now, what's that? What's that in ADOP?

[00:07:12] It's where they keep their, like, performance stuff, you know, that's like tracking all their metrics and stuff. Hmm. Right. Okay. Okay. Like performance. It's a performance tactical vest, Mike. Okay. And also, Anya, speaking of performances, you've been doing something. You've been performing since we last met as well, right? Yeah, I'm just back from a run on the London stage. I'm in the chorus of my fair lady. I was thinking of something else. What have you been learning recently? Long time listeners of the podcast will know that I have a real problem. So does Will.

[00:07:41] Both of us are proud members of the non-driving. I drove you not five days ago. Pixar didn't happen. Like, there are no photos. There's no videos. I mean, they could see. Anyway, I am 38 and I, up until a few weeks ago, could not drive. That has now changed. I am a driver. I am driving. Have you passed your test? No, not in the last three weeks, no. Well, I would argue you're not a driver. You're by definition a learner.

[00:08:11] She's on the roads though, Will. Oh, totally. Real roads with real cars. That is worrying. Yeah, hang on. This counts. And as Anya has pointed out to me in, I think, three texts over the last 10 days, their car is very big. No, it sounds like I'm saying that as a flex. I'm just saying it purely as a logistical problem. That I do feel like I'm piloting, you know, on those Beluga planes. And it's quite different to the instructor's nippy little number. Like his car is really small.

[00:08:42] But this is too big. It's too big. Could you call a Beluga plane an aircraft caviar? Yeah. That's so good. I like that, Will. Wow. That's very good. It took a month off, but just never lost it. No. No. Well, Anya, I can't drive at the moment because I had a big injury that Will was present for. Yeah. He got absolutely smoked by some 10-year-old girl playing volleyball. She was 11. Oh, sorry. I clarified that afterwards.

[00:09:11] And she was unbelievable at volleyball. Really very good at volleyball. Yeah. You're grand though, weren't you? Grand, yeah. But tore a muscle in my leg, you know? We both tore muscles in our legs. Tore my perineus longus. Okay, you don't want to get that wrong. Where's your perineus longus? Where is that? In France, they'd fine you if you showed them. It's actually on the right-hand side of your leg, of your lower leg.

[00:09:41] So it's sort of in between the shin and the calf. Okay. And a physical therapist I saw told me it was a very unusual place to tear it. I'm sure it was. I've put the crutches away at the moment, but that's only made me, if anything, gimpier because now obviously I'm just staggering a bit and hollering. There was a sad moment I went round to Hughes and he was baking pretzels and just watching him covered in flour limping from surface to surface. I probably should have helped looking back.

[00:10:10] What's the prognosis you? Oh, well, I mean, yeah, I don't really know to be honest. I'm quite... I went to see a physical therapist, stuck a few needles in my leg. He did, not me. And physical therapists, why not just a physiotherapist? That is like the tarot brain thing of a tooth theologist. I actually think physical therapists might have their number in some ways, you know? Yeah, but they are different. It's like nutritionists and dieticians. This is a different thing. It is a different thing. Don't go for your physical therapist. I'm sorry.

[00:10:40] I just... Michael, do you want to get us on track? Yeah, guys. Do you want me to drive us on the track? That'd be great. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we're talking about everyone's favorite character rolling around. Five years old. And he does segues like a five-year-old. Like, Onya and I both gave you something there. Yeah. Because Onya saw that you hadn't taken mine. You saw the bait and you just headbutted the bait. Throw one up? Yeah. Well, I'm not able to train at the moment because of my injury. You can't train, Michael.

[00:11:10] Yeah. Someone say something about Steamy. Steamy. Can we have steam? Well, speaking of steam, we talk about Thomas the Tank Engine, guys. That's what we're here to talk about. Our first episode of the season about everyone's favorite train. Or is he? So we'll be talking about Thomas in a minute, but let's have our Legitimate Likes 3 Questions quiz. Choo choo. All aboard. It's quiz time.

[00:11:40] Absolutely. First question. Oh, that's fun. Oh, that's fun.

[00:12:06] So, the winner of a Grammy in 1971 and a Nobel Prize in 1964. It's a good combination. It is. Is Al Green a reverend? I think so. Could be. Sure. He's not giving anything away until we lock around. Nobel Prize. Which Nobel Prize? A Nobel Prize. I'm not giving you any more... Was it Peace? Yeah. Oh!

[00:12:36] Did Martin Luther King ever release any tunes? William Seabag Montefiore. Should I say reverend Seabag Montefiore? It is. Is that correct? He's done it. Did his speech win a Grammy? It was a collection of, I think, spoken word stuff or collection of his speeches. He got a Grammy for it. I think it was posthumous as well. That's cheating. Will, if Martin Luther King was going to do a little rap featuring words from his favourite speech,

[00:13:04] also the fact that he got a Grammy and a Nobel Peace Prize, maybe that he was assassinated in 1968, went to Washington... What do we think it might sound like? And I guess the fact that dream rhymes with steam means it could also come back to Thomas the Tank Engine. I think it would sound amazing. And I don't know if we want me to try it. We do. Okay. Here we go. Martin Luther King. He wrote this rap on Bimini.

[00:13:32] Choo-choo, motherfuckers get out of my way. You can call me Martin, you can call me MLK. That's right. I like my coffee with sugar and cream. What have I got? I got a fucking dream. He swore a lot. He swore a lot. Yeah, they took that out of the speech, didn't they? Yeah. That must be why all those videos of it are so kind of skippy, because they've got to cut so many curses. That's actually very Conor McGregor, I think. I have a fucking dream. That's what you'd be saying. Yeah, exactly. At a weigh in. Yeah. Oh, well done, Will.

[00:14:02] Thanks. Okay. Your next reverend. An English cleric and scholar famous for his highly influential theories on population growth and economics. And this guy is in the 18th century. Is this like Malthus or something? Yes. Well done. It is. Amazing. What sound did you make? Smashed it. Do you know why I know that? Why? This is so weird. When I was in school, our classes were named after economists. Yeah. Which I had kind of forgotten. I was in Ricardo. Okay.

[00:14:32] And then it was Malthus. And I was only just looking through our yearbook three or four nights ago. Wow. And I was reminded of this. Wow. You know, Anya, you have many times, you have very fairly taken little shots at me and Michael for our posh upbringing and our Dublin schools. But to have classes named after 18th century economists, that's something not even we managed.

[00:15:00] Well, enjoyably when I went to French college, this is getting worse by the sentence, but I was signing my name on my, on my, on my, my notebook or whatever. My name was named as like Anya Hartigan dash Ricardo. Yeah. For ages, people thought that was my name, that I had some sort of exact, that my dad was Italian or something. Yeah. And I probably should have leaned into it a bit more. I think we had a very kind of, um, an upwardly mobile year head is what I would say. Yeah. That smacks of someone who's trying to, trying to make something happen there.

[00:15:28] Then the, the, there was also Smith, which is not a very fun name. No. Like if you're going to pick a name, what would you pick? So it was Keane, Smith, Ricardo, Malthus. Ooh. Who's another famous one, Michael? Uh, you could have Adam Smith. Yeah. The one she just said. She said that. She said Smith four times. Uh, notice how the story stopped being about Michael's schooling and then he stopped listening. Yeah. Yeah. Fully just started doing some other work. Ornja, didn't your school have like a school song in the form of a rap that had all of

[00:15:58] those economists listed in it? Did mine? Yeah. I'm pretty sure. Don't you remember the school song? You used to sing it every day, I think. Um. Yeah. Start with them. Uh, party in the Keens when the Malthus is on, all night on the, Ricardo till the break of. Smith. Perfect. Perfect. I like that. The first rap I thought of was Miami. Welcome to my school.

[00:16:26] Awnja, genuinely impressive answer there. So the final reverend is the loser of the 1974 rumble in the jungle. Who is that? Muhammad Ali. Nope. George Foreman. George Foreman. Yes. Was ordained and practiced as a, as a minister. Am I right though that loads of celebrities are randomly reverend? There are. Like you'll Google someone in a second and be like, did you know Waylon Jennings was actually reverend Waylon Jennings? Totally, totally true.

[00:16:56] Which of us would be most likely to become a reverend? Well. Yeah. Me for Jesus, Michael for the power. True. Do reverends have that much power though? I feel like. Oh, Michael, if you were doing it, you'd be, you'd be one of those Baptists in the US absolutely raking in money. I can see you with the little microphone and doing that thing where you like come in over the crowd. Yeah. You know, in one of those mega churches. Yeah. It's such a shiny suit. Have you seen the video of the pastor?

[00:17:22] This is 100% you, Michael, who has a pull up bar and is, and is, uh, has like notched sections going up of a thing and he's pulling, jumping and pulling himself up. Amazing. When you get closer to God, you gotta work. And the closer you get, the stronger you are. But the further you go down, the further away from God you're gonna get. And he's absolutely ripped. You'd love to be him. I mean, sounds like he puts bombs in seats, you know? Well, could you give us a preach of just tell us about sin and how we're gonna overcome it?

[00:17:52] No, absolutely not. No, but it can be anything. Yeah. And if you'd like to rap it, you can. Yeah. Michael, or you just did a rap. God's love is a lot like economists. No, because... They have different theories. I feel like the risk of saying something genuinely offensive is so... Oh, Michael, it's not the 1970s in Ireland. Come on. Your word will be banned by John Charles McQuaid and we'll have to be exiled by the to London. I did a rap as Martin Luther King.

[00:18:20] And you're worried that doing a fake sermon... So what am I preaching about? What am I... How good legitimately is anything? Here, what would you seriously preach about? The evils of alcohol, I think would be your pet project. And lo, when thou suppest of the cup of Satan, thou hast tasted of his wiles, tasted of his fruits, and lo, though the taste be good, the taste be bad.

[00:18:43] But also, possibly it's okay to put the material of Satan into certain sauces, such as jus or a roux, things of this nature, also in desserts. But no, not directly as an aperitif or such similars. This is actually kind of like Delia Smith meets megachurch pastor. Yeah, exactly, yeah. But... But children... But low.

[00:19:13] Low children, watch the temperature when thou raisest the heat. Never bubbling, never simmering. Ever boiling towards God's love. Ever boiling. It's good to be able to amuse yourself, Michael, isn't it? Will would be... You know those churches that are in like industrial estates and stuff? Yeah. You'd be like the pastor in one of those. I'm not your pastor, I'm more of a friend. Yeah, a friend's true. They're the worst.

[00:19:42] You don't have to sit on the pews, you can sit on the floor, if you like. We have a couple of beanbags. Hugh, you volunteered so many summer camps and stuff that like, I think you're primed for the picking, because you could accidentally go to something and realise it was religious and you'd have such a good time that you wouldn't mind. That it was actually some sort of a... Well, Onya, we were recently out with a group of friends and the question came up. I think it was actually who'd make the best priest. And there were some very rapid answers saying me. Yeah. Was it not the best funeral director? No, I asked that question.

[00:20:10] And I think everyone was very pushy that they'd be great at it. Really? It's quite a skill, you know. Although we all agreed we didn't want to do the icky bits. We just wanted to stand outside and look after people. You wanted to be in a nice office with a nice font on it. Yeah. Yeah. That's all anyone wants really, isn't it? No matter what they're doing. Yeah, that's just... Hugh would be a good priest. Yeah, I could see it. Would we all be those priests who'd sing the hymn quite loudly? You know? Oh yeah. Join in. You own it.

[00:20:39] Even the bits that aren't really meant to be sung. We don't really do hymns, you guys. To the middle for communion. I will send down ministers to each of the other sides. Lo, if there is a queue to get out of the car park, please observe the cones. Question two of the quiz. Jesus Christ. Where did the Thomas stories take place? I think I know this. Okay.

[00:21:08] And it sounds evil. Yeah. On the Isle of Sodor. That's right. Stop. That's out of Lord of the Rings. What? Yeah. Yeah, it's a fictional island located in the Irish Sea, nestled right between the Isle of Man and Cumbria. That's what it is. And it's not a real place. Fictional. Question three then. Thomas the Tank Engine was famously narrated by Ringo Starr.

[00:21:34] I'm going to give you three other narrators, two of whom actually narrated Thomas the Tank Engine episodes and one of whom didn't. Who's the odd one out? So, Alec Baldwin, Morgan Freeman and Pierce Brosnan. Oh. I feel Pierce Brosnan definitely would have done that. Anyone got an impression? What's Pierce Brosnan? Yeah, it's kind of like an English-Irish accent. Sort of wistful. Like that. Kind of. You know. But he can be rough. No, wait.

[00:22:04] Wow. That's a cartoon dog. No, you're kind of thinking of Liam Neeson. Pierce Brosnan's a lot more kind of... If you put your thighs around me. Oh, Thomas. I might think of that. I was thinking of the sauna scene in GoldenEye. He also doesn't ask for that, so I don't know why I'd say it like that. No, he doesn't. No. Oh, so, Mrs. Doubtfire. He's not... No, it's kind of airy. He's American. He's got sort of an airy voice, you know?

[00:22:34] Well, go on. Give us a go. We got some Pierce Brosnan. I was just down fire. Something like that. Oh, that's good. That wasn't bad. Yeah. What about Morgan Freeman? Master Wayne. No, he's deeper. None of us can get that deep. No one can get that deep. Master Wayne. Thomas the Tank Engine was a very reliable engine. Nice! That's a good Morgan Freeman. Was it? Yeah, well done. Yeah, very good. It was so low. I've never tried that before.

[00:23:02] Alec Baldwin, I just feel, doesn't have an immicable... Is that the word? Voice? Hmm. Yeah. He's a bit whispery, isn't he? He's a bit... Urgent. Kind of. Husky. Husky. Like that. Lemon. Good God, Lemon. Good God, Lemon. Yeah. So who's the other one out? I think Morgan Freeman's the most obvious answer for it to have been done, but I don't think he did. Yeah, because he's so good at narrating things. Yeah, yeah. You're right, guys. Wasn't Morgan Freeman.

[00:23:31] Alec Baldwin did a couple of Thomas and Friends seasons in the US. Pierce Brosnan did a few special episodes in the UK. And then Morgan Freeman didn't do anything for Thomas. He just did those March of the Penguins, which was kind of awful. So, yeah, that's the quiz. March of the Penguins? Bad? Well, you can't enjoy any of those programs because it's always going to be something terrible that's always going to happen. But also, like, it's the wrong word to use about penguins. If any animal doesn't march, it's a penguin. They do march. They waddle.

[00:24:00] At best, they waddle. And they spend a lot... Say the same about you. Well, they spend... And look, I know, people who live in glass houses, but they spend an awful lot of their time pushing themselves along in their belly as well. So... I bet you'd love to eat penguin belly. So what do you need for a march, Michael? Like, does it need to be full brown uniform? Like... I'll say it this way. Proper... One of your feet needs to go in front of the other penguins. What if you don't have feet?

[00:24:30] You're saying you can't march if you don't have feet? One of your flippers needs to be raised high in the air. Just one of them. Face forward. If they picked up their feet and made a little more progress, then we'll go out and march. Until then, Morgan Freeman is a saverly likes. What did you think, Michael, of the... You know how when they make these documentaries it's important that they don't interfere? But there was a famous David Attenborough one where they actually interfered because I think it was a little penguin slid down a big massive hole and they went and got him out and gave him back to us.

[00:25:00] What do you feel about that, Michael? I think their rationale at the time was that they definitely weren't going to upset any ecosystem. Like this is the only living animal in like a hundred miles and whether it lived or died wasn't gonna... You just made that bit up. I'm on their side. I feel like you rescue that penguin, you know? Yeah. You wouldn't do that though. Oh yeah, I would. I'd be overly interfering with the animals if anything. That's... Oh my God. A terrible sentence. When the cheetah's going after the gazelle...

[00:25:29] You'd be trying to race the cheetah, Michael. You'd savage that gazelle yourself. I'll take my shirt off and I'll run it. I think you'd wistfully turn to one of us from our viewing station and be like, I think I could beat that gazelle. That's a lady gazelle. They're not as fast as the men gazelles. Definitely fancy my chances. They are wonderful. Seriously, if you were on Centre Court in Wimbledon, how well do you think you'd do? I mean, terrible. Against a woman. Terrible. Terrible.

[00:25:57] No, I can't even return a single serve. Like it's not even... Nothing's happening. Nothing's coming off that racket. Really? Yeah. I'm terrible. Terrible tennis. I thought your blind self-belief would carry you through. No, but it's anything I've actually done that I've actually tried that I've had evidence I can't do, you know, that imprints on me. So, Hugh, you've played tennis for me. Okay. I'm terrible. So, 5,000 metres. Yeah. Olympics. Yeah. Women's 5,000 metres. There's 27 competitors. Where are you finishing? I'm...

[00:26:27] I'm... I'm... I'm not placing, right? Am I? No, I guess I'm not placing. What? What? So you're not... You're willing to accept you'll come forth. Oh, wait, sorry. Just placing me... Okay. I meant like I'm not even... Okay. You're not even in the team. Yeah. You're not going to end up on the podium. Yeah. Yeah. No, I just saw what I meant. Yeah. Yeah. What about a relay team do you think you would be... If there was three others that could...

[00:26:56] That would be super fun if they did that. If they had on the relay team. If they had just one average person. Yeah. That would be amazing. This is like... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:27:27] Yeah. Will, sign me up. Welcome back to Love Island. Where we put a normal man who's already married. Who doesn't use the words yourself and myself too much. Yes, the yourself thing is a real problem, Will. Isn't it? People trying to sound smart by adding the word self to your or my is one of the way. One of the worst things that happened. I just think you have insulted myself. Amazing. Yourself. Absolutely. Speaking as myself. It's the first summer I've watched any of it. You know, I don't want to insult yourself.

[00:27:58] Wild. Yeah. Wild behaviour. There. So guys, the world of Thomas. What do we remember of it? When's the last time any of us were entertained by Thomas and what bits of it do we like? I don't know that I was ever that charming. I have to say. Ah, come on. 12 days ago, I bought the complete, the hardback, the complete Thomas the Tank Engine stories in a charity shop for two euro. Not bad. Compelling price point. Interesting. Throw it in the classroom, you know? Yeah.

[00:28:27] When I go back to Leeds on a Monday, go swimming with my nephew, and I'll sit in the back and read Thomas's race against, I think it's Gordon. Yep. So I'll read that in the back of the car, and it's just long enough for me to be able to read it without feeling too sick. I don't know why I said yet when you said Thomas's race against Gordon, because at this point, you know, 75 years in or whatever we are, Thomas has raced everyone. You know, like all permutations of what could happen on the tracks. Was there a lot of racing? But there's a lot of... He's racing a bus.

[00:28:57] Like there's only so much these guys can do. Like, I mean, like trains go forward and backward. That's it, really, you know? What do you make of Thomas's moony-eyed little face and squidgy little cheeks? Cute as all sin. Yeah, that is cute, isn't it? But is it that the metal... What is he? Is he flesh? It's such a good question. Yeah, that's what I need to know. If I touch his little pudgy little cute circular cheeks, if I cut him, does he not bleed? What's the story? I know what you mean. Well, it definitely moves, right?

[00:29:26] Like, you know, he can make facial expressions. So, ooh. I'd like to think that all the rest of his metal and then his face is sort of rubberized. You know, that kind of... Oh, kind of a vulcanized rubber. Yeah. Because what, to be honest, a miserable existence of these sentient trains that want to get out and about, but they can only go on the rails that they've been given. Isn't that what the human experience is, Will? Aren't we all just on the rails that we've been given? Whoa. I mean, I couldn't agree more.

[00:29:56] And this is one of my criticisms of the Thomas series, which is that it does fail to explore the full sort of metaphysical conundrum, which is you're on a track. You can move. You can think. You can spend your whole life trundling by a field of grass, but you'll never touch a blade. Also, you can't see your bum or whatever's behind you. So... Neither can we. Yeah, can you see your bum, Michael? I have said this so many times in this podcast. It's not your business. Yeah.

[00:30:26] You're not going to be happy with what you see. It's, like, seriously... It's one of Vanya's major... I actually was thinking about this last week, Vanya. If you were confronted with your bottom in isolation, right, from behind, like, I don't... Which maybe perhaps you would... I think we'd all be harsh. Okay, so that's a great question. That's a great question. Let's say they lined up 100 people in front of you. Can we pick out your own? Could you pick out yourself? I don't just mean your bum. I mean you from behind. Yourself from behind. Could you pick yourself out? Yeah. Easy. Yeah, but you've... What if you...

[00:30:55] And I'm aware I now begin to sound like a serial killer getting rid of a body. What if we removed all distinguishing features? Like little moles and scars. Yeah. No, you're dressed. I don't have any moles or scars. Everyone's dressed in jeans and t-shirt. Oh. Yeah. No. Oh, I thought we were naked. Nope. Nope. Michael, you absolute prude. No, you're doing gait analysis on yourself. Everyone's... So, everyone's wearing a full identical... Identical overcoat. Yeah. Yeah. And you've got to pick yourself out. Are you going to be able to...

[00:31:23] ...to do the guessing with a full erection though, if that's the case, Michael? Michael, the point of the question is whether it's about your own bottom, your bare body. It's a bare body. Like what? Like 100 people in jeans. I think that would be quite a challenge. But your own one, I think maybe we all like to think it's better than it is. Do you know what I mean? And maybe... But, Áine, I actually think that... I was going to say full in the face. But, like, directly behind, it probably is okay.

[00:31:51] That's probably the best way to view it, as opposed to catching it from the side or from below or from... Like, that's the worst, I think. Like, I don't think you should take photos of people from, like, bottom level when they're seated. Oh, God. Woke nonsense. People keep telling me I'm not allowed to do that on the tube. Ugh. Like, everybody hates their side profile, right? That's what I was going to say. And I'm moving us away from the nudity angle here. But you know when you go into... Will just turned to the side. And he looked like a face on a Roman coin there. Will.

[00:32:21] I look at my profile all the time because of acting. Yeah. Go full. Go full bore. Oh, yeah. Looks like a Roman emperor. Yeah. Yeah, you do. No, like, one of the Roman emperors is little... Not little friends, but, like, younger guy. Yeah. One of the heroes. No, little friend is fair enough. I think that's my casting. No, no. I don't mean you're not like Caesar. You're like homunculus. I made that up. Not sure homunculus means a hero. What is homunculus? Homunculus.

[00:32:49] A homunculus is a, like... Now, Michael, you'll definitely know this. Is it, like, some sort of creature that's being created in a jar that's vaguely humanoid? But... Oh, it's Latin for little man. A small artificial human. I mean, story checks out. It sounds like a type of cloud, though, as well, doesn't it? Is it different to an incubus, Michael? What's an incubus? They're banned. An incubus is a creature that gets inside your soul like a succubus, isn't it? Well, what's a succubus? It's a demon.

[00:33:18] I thought it was a demon who had its way with you. Yeah, it's a male one. A succubus, I think, might be a female one. And so an omnibus is a combination of both of them. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. EastEnders omnibus is real weird. And the omnibus was what Gordon was racing. No, it was what Thomas was racing. Is Gordon the bus? No, Gordon's the big engine. Gordon's the big, uh... Big, big, big long steam train. The green one. Do you wish people called you a big engine, Michael? I wish. I wish I did.

[00:33:47] So Thomas is blue, James is red. Edward is green? Edward's blue. Gordon's blue. Percy is green? Why are there so many blues? Yeah, a lot of blues, but they're different shapes and sizes. I mean, there's only so many colours, so... Not true. Of trains. They could be pink, they could be purple. They're not, though. They could be violet sky. Why could they not be? I'm not saying they couldn't be, I'm just saying they're not. So... Are the trains naked? And the day is long.

[00:34:17] I guess so. See, Perineus is... What was it? Longus. Perineus Longus. And are there little baby trains? No. And actually, there are parts of the stories where trains get taken away for parts. So... Which is horrific, really, when you think about it. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like Westworld. And you raised the faces at the start. So this is another major failing of the Thomas series, which is that they did make a fatal mistake on the faces, because that face on Thomas, it does work, right? It's cute.

[00:34:46] He's smiley. Always works. But when you think of other anthropomorphic vehicle franchises, like the Cars one, they do a very good job of incorporating the face into the shape of the vehicle, whereas the Thomas is just slapped on there at the front, which for a steam engine, works. But if you look at any other vehicles in the Thomas universe, the cars, the buses, the planes, it's awful. I sent you guys a couple of pictures of some of the nightmarish planes in particular.

[00:35:15] But this began in the 1940s, Michael, didn't it? Cut them a bit of slack. I know, but it's sort of... That's what I mean. It's sort of... I think Thomas... I'm going to lay it all out in a line here, if you will. I think Thomas works well as a confined set of a couple of stories about trains. When you try and stretch the thing out, you kind of tear the arse out of it. You end up with these Dali-esque planes that are terrifying, frankly. And the thing does not stand the test of time. But Michael, isn't that the problem with all these franchises?

[00:35:45] You know? Marvel probably worked best with three films. And we've got like 50 million. I mean, arguably the best films from Marvel Universe were like 20 films in. You know? They were pretty good when they kept going. You know? I think it's quite nice that they continue to honour the way the original models were made. I think that is cool. But then, you're right, it does result in horrifying anatomical trains. Would it be better... Would you, perhaps, Thomas got up on his hunkers?

[00:36:15] Hunkers? Which I guess would be the other carriage. And then he was a man? Is that what you want? You freak? You want him to rise up from the earth? And like be a big transformer? A big muscular, with his soft little cheeks? Is that what you want? Maybe that would be cool. Yeah. Yeah. That would be... A transformer. But then you watch Transformers for that. Yeah, I suppose I could just go there, couldn't I? Michael, do you read the stories to your boys? Or have you read the stories to your boys? Yeah. And actually, as part of the research for this episode,

[00:36:44] for the first time, we sat down and watched a couple of the episodes together. Aww. So we watched some of the original ones, the ones that we would all remember as children. On what? Like on slides or something? On glass slides? You don't let the children watch TV? No, we unlocked the television for the purpose of this. Yeah. So we watched the original, the Ringo Starr-narrated ones that are made with models. And then we watched some of the newer ones, which are all computer generated. And I asked them their opinions. And it was kind of divided.

[00:37:13] But in general, they came down on the side of the newer ones. But, interestingly, because they said the faces were more animated. They got more out of the faces. That's what your kid said. That's what your five-year-old said. They said their faces made more expressions, specifically. Papa, papa. Yeah. Faces were more animated, papa. I'd say you had them at gunpoint, given the answers you wanted. I don't know. Here, how do you feel about the fat controller being edited out? Or edited down? Is he gone?

[00:37:44] No, he's not just the controller, isn't he? Or what's he? The sleepy controller. He's not the fat controller. He's Sir Topham Hatt. Oh, he's not the fat controller at all. Well, I don't think that's used anymore. But I think he was always originally called Sir Topham Hatt as well. They just referred to him as the fat controller. Which is a crazy thing to do in the workplace. Now, was he a controller or a comptroller? He was a controller. Comptroller. No P. He wasn't working for the city. Comptroller is a crazy word.

[00:38:13] Do you think it was just that maybe there was a skinny controller and somebody one day was like, which controller should I ask? And somebody was like... And then the other guy left. The fat controller. Well, it's like how we refer to Hugh as big fat Hugh behind his back. But then we just call him Hugh to his face. But there was actually at one point in series nine, there was a thin controller. Okay. Mr. Peregrine Percival. It's a thin name. It is, isn't it? Topham Hatt is a fat name. It's true.

[00:38:41] I hate to say it, but there are fat names and there are thin names. I'm not sure I knew that before now, but right now I know. Who's got the fattest name on the show? Will Seabagwantafuri. Thin name. Skinny name. Yeah. Hugh O'Connor is a fat name. Too many vowels. I think it is a fat name. I think Hugh's a fat name. I think Ornia's a thin name and Hartigan is a fat name. Hartigan's a fat name. Hartigan. Michael. Fat name. Spindly name. Skinny name. Yeah. No, Michael. See, I'm saying that voice as well.

[00:39:13] Yeah, to me then. Will Seabagwantafuri. Yeah, Montafuri is quite chugging, I would say. Montafuri. Michael, when you read your two boys' Thomas the Tank Engine books, when they're both asleep, do you stand at your door and go, we got a couple of sleepers? Yeah, I do. I do. I always do that. Yeah. And when I close the boot of the car, I always go, that's not going anywhere. I say that as well. Yeah. All those things.

[00:39:42] So there is a thing called Day Out with Thomas, which is like a way for them to raise money for Heritage Railways in the UK. And they have the characters or whatever. But these events are, and I quote, invariably presided over by a fat controller played by a railway volunteer of appropriate height, sorry, appropriate age and build. Right. And South Devon Railway's fat controller was forced to either quit or shave off his beard and it's absolutely forbidden for a fat controller to be too thin. Wow. That must be a fun day in the office.

[00:40:10] Are there life-size Thomas trains around? There are. There are a lot of them. With the face. With the face, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you touch it and does it squish? There's famously one in regular service in Japan, actually. But yeah, there's one in Ireland as well. Yeah, they're around. You can see them. Can I just go back to your boot joke? You closing the boot. Yeah. And saying that's not going anywhere. I don't think I got your joke. I only got it when you then reacted to mine. So we can... Yeah.

[00:40:40] So I was saying sleepers because... Because trains. Trains. Yeah. But you were saying you closed the boot and you said that's not going anywhere. Yeah. Because it has nothing to do with trains. Am I missing anything? No, you're not. You're not. I missed something. Yeah. Did you just think Will was just asking you for stories from your life? Yeah, I thought he was. The things you say. It's like... And then I put the pan on and I'm like, I must put some oil in that. I thought he was asking how stereotypical am I? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But do people say that about their boots? Oh, I say it every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:41:10] Yeah. Yeah. So that was just a fact. I bet you have one of those cars where you click the button and it closes the boot. You're not closing the boot by hand. No, don't. Don't. I was actually surprised by that. I just as a real... As a driver. ...petrol head, I have opened a boot in a car today. What did you say when you closed it on you? You went, ah. I hate closing the boot because I think it's insane. It's a crazy design flaw that you have to take your clean clothes and hand and touch the car.

[00:41:39] That's all I always do with my elbow. What? Think of all the other things you touch. Yeah. I don't touch anything. Do you not? No. Do you love... Do you love... And there aren't enough of them, but when you go into a petrol station or somewhere and you use the bathroom and they've got one of the foot pulley things for the doors. Oh. I mean, using a bathroom in a service station is not fantastic. You know what I mean? So, I mean, you see that, you're laughing. Our car, you can press a little thing and the boot will pop up, but you're on your own

[00:42:09] for closing it. For closing it, too. And I think that's the worst end of the deal. But there will be an indoor handle. You're new to driving. Yeah, yeah. There'll be an indoor handle that you can pull and you can underarm pull and yank your arm out before it closes. It does involve a bit of yanking, though. And don't be like family friend Pat Dean, who once closed his car door on his own leg and had to go to hospital. New character. On his leg? Yeah. I mean, the arm is one thing. I got my fingers caught once, but your leg? How did that happen?

[00:42:39] That's all the information I have. I'm going back home soon. I'll ask around. I have to call Pat Dean and we've never heard of Pat Dean before. Add him to the file, Michael. A Newstead's never done anything like this. No, no. You would never catch a Newstead doing something like that. No, never. Anya, what about going to the toilet on a train? No. The Maynooth line, the commuter trains, toilets are terrible. They all smell the same. I don't know. It's like, it's like, I think it's like. I mean, you do know what people do with them, right?

[00:43:09] No, there's something about these ones. There's something that they, like, I think it's an old school cleaning thing they use or something. The other line, out of my neck, the woods. Delight. Now, as you know, we talk, I don't like the ones where you press it and the whole door swings open. That's just asking for trouble. Why would you open it on a curve? You know? Yeah. But what a way to travel. What a way to travel. Just on the toilet the whole way. I was disappointed as a young child, Michael, when I discovered the trains weren't like Thomas and Tank. You know when you'd go past Houston and you'd see them all?

[00:43:37] I thought they should have their faces as a small child. They don't. Or even just look like a steam engine as opposed to being these. They didn't. Looking like the front of a gun. We did get brought on a steam engine as very small kids. Yeah, that's always an exciting sort of school trip. Yeah, that was really fun. And Santa was on the train and he came to your seat. But in a way, thank God that they aren't like the trains in Thomas, right?

[00:43:59] Because if you're, let's say you've had your long day of work and you're coming home and then you've got to enter into this absolutely chaotic railway service. Like you just want to get home. I think you'd be pretty cheesed off if your train is like three hours late because James had an argument with Toby or Thomas splashed himself with muddy water and doesn't want to go out anymore. Like it's got to be the Isle of the Order. It's not good. It's not commuter friendly. Let's put it that way.

[00:44:28] Okay, so Michael, because I haven't really engaged in a long time, I'm going to give you the names of the engines and I want you to just give me a one word personality trait for them. Okay. Okay, so who they are. Train, train, train, train. Thomas is the generic. He's cheeky. He's happy. He's friendly. He's basically Mickey Mouse as a train. So that was 17 words. Yeah, misunderstood the assignment. James. James in his most recent incarnations is kind of a bit of a mean guy or a bit.

[00:44:57] He's a bit bold. He's a bit silly and bold. Oh, difference between mean and bold. Yeah, silly and bold. He's not mean. As a teacher, I'd have to say. He's not mean. Yeah, I wouldn't put that in his work card. Percy. Percy's forgettable. Like, I mean, sorry, Percy. Edward. Edward's very nice. He's the nicest of the engines. Toby. Your adjectives are terrible. Oh, yeah. Okay. This is what you were like in your leaving, sir. Nice. Kind. Mean. Bold.

[00:45:28] And also Hugh gave you an out. Sorry. You could have just given one word. Sorry, what level of character did you say? Okay, well, actually, Gordon. Thomas is bashful. He's cheeky. These are children's stories. Like, Gordon is Machiavellian, you know? Yeah, but Michael, it's why I asked for one word. And you said, well, shall I compare Thomas to a summer's day? Ah, you've got to know Thomas. Also, this podcast isn't a kid's podcast. Yeah. That's true. Okay, okay. Well. Dish the dirt. So, what do you think? Who do you think is having an affair?

[00:45:56] And how do you think they do it? Toby the tram and Harold the helicopter, I'd say are. I'd keep an eye on them. Just because they're different, do you think that they're. No, I'd be keeping an eye on them now. And when did female engines appear? They were always in it from, like, I think, the first couple of books when they were just, like, the railway stories in the 40s and 50s. Or maybe they only came in in the TV thing.

[00:46:22] But they were often only, like, they were just, they were ditzy carriers. They weren't engines. They just carried passengers. They were carriers, weren't they? Daisy the Diesel, isn't that one of them? Pretty sure. Yeah, but that was a newer edition. So, initially, they were like, ha, no women, thanks. There is also the use of the N-word in one of the books. There's a description of children who get covered in soot. And it changed in 1973. But there is, I was reading a really old version of Thomas the Tank Engine a while ago. And I came across a word.

[00:46:51] I was like, can't believe we've got the early version of this book. And so what did they change to, can I ask? I don't know. I can't remember. Something just fine in the 70s, but still very problematic. Yeah. Also, I love that it's the 70s, not the 1870s. I don't know if it was even cool then. No, it was changed in the 70s. Not that it was ever cool. It was in the 40s. Oh, no, that's a very bold position you've taken there. I can't say anything these days, you know, changing norms.

[00:47:22] Yeah. In 2013, Forbes wrote an article about the baffling economics of the Isle of Sodor. First question being, why do the trains have drivers? It's like, why do these sentient trains need drivers? What are they doing? Are they inside Thomas's skin? Horses are drivers, Michael. They're inside them. That's true. But horses, I suppose, don't display human level of intelligence. Horses are pretty smart. Horses are pretty smart, but they're not human. Yeah.

[00:47:52] So, because when Thomas is racing the bus, he goes fast. But is that because the driver is putting more coal into him? So, are we saying that maybe Thomas is the ego, and to get Freud in, he's the ego, and the driver is the id, or something like that? Is that... That's exactly what I was saying, yeah. Fascinating, Will. Thomas wants to kill his daddy train and sleep with this mummy train. Who is this mummy daddy? Maybe there's a little train driver inside all of us, is that what we're saying? Yeah. Interesting. Well, as you're lucky.

[00:48:22] The other issues... The decisions as to routing and timing are delegated to the trains themselves, which seems unusual. Also, the trains pull very few carriages, and to my mind, that makes it a bit like, you know in The Sopranos or in any kind of mafia film, when they have fake jobs just to pull down salaries? It's kind of like that. Oh, yeah. You don't pull more than two carriages because you're doing someone else out of a job kind of thing. Which Thomas is trying to character do you think is Tony? Thomas is Christopher. Yeah, okay.

[00:48:53] Like, is Tony just obviously the Fat Controller, though? Is that not it? He's kind of all sweetness and light to the trains. Would you describe Tony Soprano as all sweetness and light? It could be, and then, you know, you see the wrong side of it. Remember when he curb stomped that guy's teeth? Do you think Tony Soprano is actually a pretty nice guy? No. No. Michael, who do you think each of us is? I mean, I don't know the Thomas characters that well, guys.

[00:49:22] You brought this episode to us, Michael. Yeah. Will is Thomas. Okay, Will's Thomas. Generic. Yes. Bland. Yeah. The main one, but quite bland. Can I be Percy? Yeah. Forgettable. I believe I said. That's what I said. And you've self-nominated. Hugh, you could be Edward. He's nice. And I can be Gordon. He's class. Gordon is... Edward's my middle name. Yeah.

[00:49:54] So, guys, I mean, do we think Thomas is a legitimate like? Yeah. I think it's really cool. I think it's cool that it's stood the test of time. Since the 1940s, still going strong. I like the nostalgia of it. Trains are cool. Nice little fun time. You get to see a lovely bit of Britain, back when Britain was properly bloody Britain, do you know what I mean? So, yeah, I think it's nice. I like reading it to my nephew. Good stuff. It's a legitimate like from Willy Boy. Yeah, I mean, as I say, I really should have read that book that I bought last week, shouldn't I?

[00:50:23] As opposed to just leave it behind. Would have been good. Maybe you could read that book for the next episode. Yeah. There's a lot of really great kids' books being written now. There's a lot of really terrible kids' books being written now as well. And a lot of pandering to lowest common denominators. A lot of books about bums and poo. And I'm like, come on, guys. Obviously, I know, Will. I know, Will. Well, you've probably written most of them. Yeah. But I actually think, yes, Thomas the Tank Engine,

[00:50:52] it's a bit old-fashioned and a bit British. But you know what? Best things are. We did a hell of an episode on Enid Blyton in our last series. Most popular episode of our last series. And so there is a place for old British things. Not much of a place, but there is a bit. And I would say it's the British Museum, but that's mostly non-British things. I think a decent old story. Turns out they've taken out the only N-word that was in the book, so that's a plus as well. And they did it ages ago. Yeah. I'm going to give it...

[00:51:22] Yeah, they did it, like as Anya said, they did it at a time when it wasn't even ghoul anymore, to say that word. I think I'm going to give it a cautious legitimate like, a tempered legitimate like. Oh, lovely stuff. Thomas survives. Anya, what would you say? Yeah, I think it's cute. You don't think too much about his cheeks and the lack of women characters. It's a good time. That goes for loads of things. It's the same thing about Frodo's cheeks and the pleasure of the ring.

[00:51:53] Michael, you're the one of us here whose time as creating new life is over. What? What? Sorry, what? No, but you've had kids. Maybe you'll have more kids. Who knows? Maybe we'll have kids. We don't know. Would you recommend new parents to read Thomas to their kids? This just feels weirdly loaded. Who's having kids? Yeah. I don't know. I was just, I don't know. Michael, if you were about to have a kid,

[00:52:22] would you look at your wife and go, ah, there's another one. Maybe. Or that's not going anywhere. Would you recommend Thomas, Michael, as a parent? I think the thing is you don't need to. I think Thomas is almost, you know, there's a time in a young man's life where Thomas will find you. And what I would say is that I think the original run of Thomas shows that we had, I think the books aren't very good. I'm going to say that right now.

[00:52:50] I think the best part of Thomas where the Ringo Starr narrated videos of model trains choo-chooing around and I think all the rest of this stuff, we don't need it. I think kids like that stuff. We don't need the rest of this. So I'm actually going to say, I mean, just about a legitimate like, but only if you focus on the prime, prime cut. The things you have considered an outright legitimate like, and this is the thing. You like everything. I just think the average quality is low. It's like, you know, the way people say about The Simpsons.

[00:53:20] What do you think is the perfect kids book or the kids piece of IP? Like, what do you... Boy in the Striped Pajamas? That's a really good question. Your own book? I mean, I feel like my own book. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you, Onyot. The Dog Who Was Different. The Dog Who Was Different. You can hear about it on the fairy tales episode. It certainly is a much richer, more compelling story. I think children will have to be a lot more. It was written by a much richer person all the time.

[00:53:49] It's a good book. But the Julia Donaldson books are way better. Way, way better for parents and kids. So, yeah. What are they? The Gruffalo. Snail and the Whale. Room on the Gruffalo. Room on the Broom. Did I tell you that I stole Julia Donaldson's stools once? What? Doing a show in the Edinburgh Fringe and there were some nice stools backstage. So I stole them so the person I was working with could do the show. And then Julia Donaldson's team were like,

[00:54:18] please stop taking our stools. Those are our stools. I genuinely thought this was a reference to you working in your dad's lab. My dad, the clinical oncologist who specializes in bowel and colorectal cancer. No, he has a lab. He has a funny cartoon lab. Yeah, yeah. And you work on it on the weekends. And you thought I was stealing her stools. You got confused. You had one job labelling the samples. It would be tricky if you worked in a lab because I imagine the primary form of seating would be stools. And if you're in a stool lab,

[00:54:46] that would cause all sorts of confusion. Yeah. You'd have to call them something else. Pull up a stool? Something would have to change. Pooh poos. Plops. I was going to suggest the chairs would change. Nah, nah. Michael, if you bought a new stool for your house, would you place it and go, ah, there's a stool sample. I guess it would. No. Well, listen, this is the start of season 8? 7? Season 8. Season 7.

[00:55:16] Could be 17. I mean, on our group chat, we keep talking about season 6 planning, but is that just because we never changed it from two years ago? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. We don't know what season we're on, but people just need to know this is a new season. We're brand new people. We've changed. We're on the rails. We're going around Sodor. We're going to see so many sights on this trip. Yeah. We have some live shows coming up. Oh, yeah. November the 1st and November the 8th. You should come and see us in Dublin and Belfast. We're doing a tour

[00:55:46] of the island of Ireland, which will begin in Belfast. We have a big tour bus. We're doing both bits of Ireland. And finishing Dublin on the 8th of November. So you should go to see us at either or both. You're doing this wrong. It's too needy. You've got to create scarcity. You've got to be like, shows are sold out. Don't even try to get tickets. Sold out. All right? I would argue we should go for nearly sold out. No, no, no, no. Sold out. And we'll come back at them later. Be like, do you know what? We've made a few more available. Oh, we've released some tickets.

[00:56:16] We've released some. Yeah. And what would you say if you'd release some tickets, Michael? They're not going anywhere. Anya, I think you'd agree. It's good to know that on the episodes, Michael is showing as little enthusiasm for selling tickets as he does off the episodes. Hugh and I will, will, will, will, will, will crack this yet. Michael will do his best to keep this like a closely guarded state secret. Yeah, exactly.

[00:56:46] The shows are sold out. Please don't listen to legitimate likes. Rate it one star. Don't share it with a friend. Undownload it. Delete Spotify. Delete Apple Music. Whatever you listen on, get rid of it. We don't want you here. Snap your phone in half. Yeah. Goodbye, everybody. We'll see you for the next episode next week. Goodbye. Goodbye. I guess it's the end of the line. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

[00:57:15] Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. This podcast is part of Podomity, the UK's podcast comedy network. Why not laugh at what else we've got? Visit Podomity.com.