Harry & Meghan v Working Royals

[00:00:00] Hello, I'm Steve N Allen and welcome to Steve N Allen Almost Daily. Hello and welcome to the podcast that gets you up to date with the news including the news that France is burning or has burnt yet. We've not checked in. I did see Macron doing a press conference last night. I didn't see what he was saying. He was probably saying it in French so that was fine. I did see on the bottom the little Aston or Chiron as I believe it's known. It said Macron says that violence is never the answer. Tell that to your missus when you're getting on a plane.

[00:00:29] Anyway, you're up to date. Let's do the front pages. We can start at the front page of the eye. Zero interest loans for heat pumps and solar panels set to launch within weeks. I suppose that's what I think because normally I'm against the idea of a zero interest loan because it's all it does is like get yourself in hock and then we'll wait until things change and then they'll change the interest rate and then ho ho right up the wazoo. But I suppose this is not to buy a house.

[00:00:55] So there was a thing. I think solar will definitely be the future when power I'm less sure of because lots of moving parts. It is by definition moving parts and they ain't great, but solar inefficient at the moment. But you know the flippant the watt engine was inefficient, but at some point we've got really good engines in the same way that they've done this thing with the perovskite layers.

[00:01:17] I'm getting nerdy, but it's not just having silicon that has that band gap, which is easily reachable, but it means you waste a lot of energy or you have a big band gap that captures a lot of energy. But most photons aren't strong enough, strong enough, but you know, have enough energy. The energy is proportional to the frequency. So are the right color effectively to make it do the band gap. But you have different layers. So actually now you can capture all these different layers of layers of energy from different photons. The efficiency will go up. Eventually you were to slap one of these up. Bosh.

[00:01:47] The problem is I did see that at the moment it was plug in solar. I was doing some research on these things should pay for themselves in like six years and the product lifetime is about five, 10 years. So you've only got four years of making any kind of you'll break even in six years by that. If the loan stays that long, maybe that's worth it. But they've only got another four years. You have to replace it and take out another loan. So I don't know until they can nail that. I'm not so sure.

[00:02:16] Meanwhile, France is on fire anyway. So why can't we just capture the heat that's coming off France? I feel like if you just get on top of France with a big boiler of water, you can heat it up and use the steam to power things. That's I mean, that's the water engine. It's a good idea. We don't need to improve it. And front page main news on that is Blunkett leads labor backlash against Burnham's pledge to change UK voting system. Nuts.

[00:02:42] Because now I have to pay attention to what this is all about. Now it feels like going to be a lot, isn't it? What's he changing it to? Last time we had one of these referenda about it. I don't know why I said it like that. We kind of made our mind up. We did not want the alternate alternate voting system. No one knew what AV sounded like. It's the setting on your TV no one ever uses. The thing's an absolute mess. Adopting proportional representation. So they're going full on PR in British politics could result in smaller parties with outlandish views calling the shots, says Lord Blunkett.

[00:03:12] I mean, yeah. I wouldn't. Germany has it. And I wouldn't necessarily say Germany has a problem of that. I mean, weakness of main parties. Yeah. But not outlandish ones fully calling the shots. Um, I suppose that is because the AFD doesn't really get worked with. And that's not an artifact of the system. That's an artifact of the society, isn't it? And, um, beg your pardon.

[00:03:34] Several MPs tell the iPaper that they oppose the PM's surprise promise to include Westminster voting reform in the party's next general election manifesto. Yeah, it's in the manifesto. There's an irony in there. You have to vote to change the voting system. Front page of the Telegraph. You can tell I got bored with that story. Um, Macron to ban public gatherings after riots. Um, I mean, well, not all public. It's going to ruin stand up comedy gigs. But as I say, it is in France.

[00:04:04] Um, the, yeah, look, I don't think those riots are still about the quality of the textbooks in French schools. Or they really care about it. Reading that reading there. What do they learn over there? The Eclair books. Serge. Serge goes to the shop. Maybe they don't need to learn French in the same way that we did. Um, also on the front page of the Telegraph. Healy plans raid on family businesses. Chancellor considers charging income tax when parents hand the company to the children. Income tax.

[00:04:34] When you pass an asset on. I'm willing to have a read of this to see what I don't understand. John Healy has drawn up plans for a tax raid on family businesses ahead of the budget. The chancellor is considering, considering proposals to levy income tax when business owners hand their company. That's the same flipping thing twice. Get to the new information. Um, at present transfers can be structured so they attract capital gains tax. Oh my days, did I just guess it right? Because you are clearly passing on an asset.

[00:05:03] So it would be capital gains. I'm not quite the idiot. I think I am. The plans would hit entrepreneurs. So again, France don't need to worry about this. Who want to retire. And would seek to raise hundreds of millions of pounds on top of labor's pre. Yeah, yeah. How would it work though? How do you consider being handed a company income? I can't be bothered to read that. The one thing I don't know. I can't be bothered to try and find it. BBC suspends the use of embedded civil servant fact checkers. Yeah. Good.

[00:05:33] Feels like the whole faff we have to go through having a license fee is deliberately to segregate the broadcaster from the state. And they put all that effort. Well, it's not really taxpayers money. It's taxpayers paying a license fee, but it's license fee payers money funding the BBC. It is at arm's length from the government. The government cannot control any of the output. Meanwhile, deploy the civil servants.

[00:05:58] I mean, I'm sure it wasn't done to deliberately undermine that separation. It would just be on the cheap, wouldn't it? Daily Mail says, get this paper for only 62p. I'll just read the front page for free. Thanks. Exclusive picture of Kim Kardashian here. Kim and that $100 million text tape. Oscar Gala, Kim. What about it though? I ain't. I'm not paying $100 million to see that tape. I don't care how good you think you are.

[00:06:29] I ain't paying 62p for a copy of the mail. So you think I'm stumping up $100 million to check out your grainy flick? And by grainy... No, I realized it was the wrong phrase. Even as soon as I said it, we all know that grains... I don't want to over-explain it. What's this? True cost of Labour's migration dithering at least 200,000 given the right to remain since the Crackdown Promise official figure show.

[00:06:56] Thousands of migrants are settling permanently in Britain every week. But they must be allowed to stay. They'd be the ones who'd be allowed to stay then, wouldn't they? So the dithering wouldn't have made that one different. Anyway, front page of The Guardian. Macron condemns unbridled violence. Have a word with your bride and her violence. This is the joke I've already done. Madness! Also on the front page. Should yoga be an Olympic sport? Go on then! I'll watch that. I mean, I'll watch that.

[00:07:25] But why not? The problem is I don't care about sport. Why something as weird as the... What's the heavy one? The shot put. Oh look, I'm going to throw this heavy thing. All right, why is that less silly than... Look how I bend. If you can do breakdancing, and let's be honest, that woman on Netflix could not do breakdancing. Olympic level gymnastics. Yes. Because imagine when people lose, no one's going to be upset about it. They're all going to be so zen.

[00:07:54] They'll read out the results and they won't even look. I am beyond caring about scores. Oh, there's a picture of a car on fire there. Citroën 2CV. The Times. Iranian link to UK attacks uses code words to plot from US jail. Is that a quiz show hosted by, I'm guessing, Stephen Mulhern? The Iranian operative who allegedly masterminded a wave of anti-Semitic attacks in Britain

[00:08:22] has continued to plot a terrorism campaign from behind bars in the US. I have to zoom in. I can't read that. Oh, it zooms in really nicely. Muhammad Bagasad Dawood al-Sadi, who is alleged to have orchestrated a series of fire bombings. He said, I want to know what the codes are. He said, coded language in telephone calls from prison to instruct other individuals to carry out, quote marks, work. If that's the code word, that's not very encrypted.

[00:08:52] I got a job for you. I might want you to do some work. Oh, you're the terrorist. I wonder what your work might be. And has directed money transfers up to one million pounds. Still nowhere near enough to get a picture of that grainy flicking, whatever the euphemism was. The FBI also accuses Sadi of overseeing the release of propaganda videos to inspire others. What's the code words? Is that all we know, that the code word was work? I think they're stretching that one.

[00:09:22] PM needs crisis. Oh, needs crisis. It's a moral failing. Burnham poised. Poised. When I first started, it was moiter. Planned to tackle economic catastrophe. No, I'm with you on that one. No, I do think that it's not the needs that will be the problem. Give it a little while and there being no jobs thanks to AI will be the crisis that we're facing.

[00:09:44] Because without a job, without an actual job to structure your life, to give you a sense of purpose, focus, achievement, job satisfaction is very good in terms of your mental health. You will end up with people sitting in their sheds recording podcasts. And let me tell you, that is not so good for your mental health. The Daily Express, axe the family farm tax now, Prime Minister. I said this at the time.

[00:10:10] If you genuinely were trying to stop people using the buying of an asset to get round inheritance tax, close that loophole. Don't just tax all farmers to make sure no one can use it as a loophole. In the same way that when the Tory party conference, when Kimmy was saying they'll change inheritance tax, they won't scrap it, but there'll be no tax paid on your house. Wait a minute. You are creating a loophole where people will just be buying £10 million houses so they don't have to pay inheritance tax on that. Well done.

[00:10:39] You've made the housing market even worse. And what's this one down here? Exclusive. Pete's no cheat. What a brekkie shambles. Still, none of this is making any sense to anyone, isn't it? Um, rocker Pete Docherty, Docherty out, um, confirmed he did finish a giant fry up at the Margate Cafe and that the eating feat brought, um, brought him a new found respect from the British public. He said that polishing off the 8,000 calorie breakfast felt important.

[00:11:08] It might do when you are a neat, when you're jobless. The only thing you've done has been in two bands and the whole point of those bands were not looking professional. The next thing, this poor guy will be broadcasting from his shed. Has he not been through enough? I mean, there's a picture of him polishing off that big fry up. He looks like he needs it. Not hunger wise. He looks like he's, he's got such a, he looks like he has such a hangover. He needs a fry up, but his hangover is from a life of abuse.

[00:11:36] So an 8,000 calorie fry up is probably just what the doctor ordered. Not your normal doctor. One of them, their Dignitas ones. Um, and them's your front pages. Let's get inside the news. I like this. Plans have been made for people who play loud musical videos on public transport could face a thousand pound fine. Get in. This is going to be considered anti-social behaviour. I think it is. And I know it's because I've got old and I can't focus if there's background noise now.

[00:12:03] Which is weird for someone who like talks over intros on radio. But local authorities believe that they will be encouraging the use of the new powers to find nuisance behaviour. I worry slightly that they're doing it because they don't want to raise council tax. So they'll just try and find people a grander time extra. But at the same time, I'd love to just those people who like, oh, I'm going to get my phone out and just listen to a thing without headphones. What? I'm sat there with headphones in. Sometimes I wear headphones even though I'm not listening to my phone.

[00:12:31] It just stops people talking to you or gives you a second to pretend. Sorry. What was that? So you can make that decision. Do I actually want to talk to this person or not? I shouldn't have given that away, should I? That should be a top secret thing. But I am in favour of just don't play music out loud on public transport. Unless you're playing the EP by Stephen Allen, I'm Tired, available on Spotify, Amazon Music, Apple Music, and was actually played on this radio station. Get in. I wonder how many times I'm going to keep bringing that up now.

[00:13:01] In royal news, Harry and Meghan hate the phrase working members of the royal family. Well, don't worry. No one's saying it about you. They say it doesn't fit their circumstances as they are members of the royal family who work. Oh, I see what they're saying. Oh, come off it. People who work. No, you are messing with the English language there. That's all you're doing, isn't it?

[00:13:27] Because working members of the royal family really means people who work in the job of being in the royal family. You are technically family members of royals and you work. Nah, come off it. That's like me saying I'm a successful stand-up comedian. I am a stand-up comedian and I'm successful at other things in my life. I passed my driving test first time. But to say successful stand-up comedian implies... You know what you're doing, Harry and Meghan. Don't pull that fast one.

[00:14:00] The French are on fire. You're up to date. Worried Brits are stocking up on canned food apparently. Ooh. This is normally how they get me with panic buying. I'm always like, I don't want to do panic buying. Well, everyone else is doing it. Hmm. But apparently worried Brits are stocking up on canned food and bottled water in case the El Nino strikes. The... Well...

[00:14:29] Surely you'd have time. Canned food takes a while, doesn't it? Like, if fresh stuff disappears, there's still other food around. They insist they don't fear a zombie apocalypse. They've done a survey, really. What's the reason you're panic buying for? Or stocking up? Prepping, isn't it? And it says, according to the survey, people fear El Nino or hackers. They don't fear zombies. Right. I mean, yeah. Have you asked them about vampires or werewolves? Why even... Are you worried about a zombie apocalypse?

[00:15:00] No, I'm more worried that Frankenstein's gonna rise. Why are we including that in the actual things to worry about? They're made up. AI's the one to worry... I can't believe it. I'm not worried about mindless automatons coming around. You know, struggling along just trying to eat brains. That's the thing, actually. If you took part in this survey, no wonder you're not worried about something that famously eat brains. You'd be barely a snack. Hmm. Oh, I'm a nerd, so I love this story.

[00:15:29] Real life Star Wars is set to happen. A real life Star Wars could break... I mean, it's not good that it's gonna be war, but... Within five years, experts are warning, civilian firms are already pivoting to defence in preparation. They could be... They mean an actual war in space, don't they? They don't mean up in the stars. They mean just out of reach of the Earth. With lasers. I'm less happy about that. I would like the idea if we did have a Darth Vader. It would be fun.

[00:15:58] Just so I could keep walking around with a cup. This is the only reason I'd be walking around like, Steve had another drink? No, I'm ready. Just in case I need to do the... I find your lack of faith disturbing. Do you know what I mean? How often do I get to do heavy breathing? I don't. You can't do it on the phone these days. There's a law against it. But in a cup, when you're doing a Darth... You cannot beat... What is it? Um... Your powers are growing weak, old man. You cannot beat me, Darth. Oh, look at the fun I'd have. No one else would around me. Just me. And don't make me play the Cantina song again.

[00:16:28] What I'm saying is, I'm ready and prepared for the Star Wars. Just spotted this story in today's actual news. Actually. Villagers sick of boy racers have knitted a fake speed camera to deter dangerous motorists. If you'd like my full breakdown on that, don't just sit and watch my big face. Why not go to substack.com forward slash at Mr. Stephen Allen and read my words about it. Sans face. There you go. Little plug. I'm doing plugs in the middle of my own podcast. It was nice.

[00:16:57] I must admit, a slight level of ignorance when I start this story, because I don't know who this person is, but telly shepherdess Amanda Owen. Straight away, I was like, I don't really understand what a telly shepherdess is. Does she shepherd tellies? That poor dog being whittled at. Come boy. Come boy. Come boy. And the dog's thinking, this ain't got to move. It's a flat screen Toshiba. But anyway, telly shepherdess Amanda Owen says screens are her lifeline. So it would be hypocritical to ban them for kids.

[00:17:24] The 52 year old star of the Channel 4 series, our farm next door, Amanda Clive and the kids. Okay. So she's got a farm. She's on telly about that. She says because TV screens are her lifeline, or maybe devices as well, that she doesn't say no screen time to the kids because she uses screens. Yeah. By that same logic, there will be some mums thinking, I can't tell the kids not to drink

[00:17:52] gin because, well, you see the logic and you see the flaw in it. I think we've dealt with that one. They've done a survey of people working from home. There's a lot of it about these days. A third of adults who work from home admit that they've turned off their camera to eat a snack. I mean, good. Of all the reasons to complain about working from home, you having a snack is not one of them, is it? The poll for a place that I'm not going to say because why should they get free publicity found that 19% have secretly brought snacks to a friend's house.

[00:18:22] Why are you working from a friend's house? Well, a further 14 have considered it. I don't care about that one. I think this is a snacking, this is a survey about snacking. But I would say if you are working from home and you're about to tuck into a snack, for the love of all that is holy, turn that camera off. I don't want to see you eat. In the same way, feel free to just take the camera off. I don't think people want to see you as much as you think they do. And also remember, if you are turning the camera on, remember whether you're wearing trousers or not.

[00:18:50] Because when you're eating a snack, crumbs go everywhere, you stand up and dust down. Make sure you've got the, you know what I mean? I'm doing HR's work for them. Jeremy Clarkson's in the news for saying we need to de-tech our lives by using less technology. I don't know, there's another farmer who's absolutely hooked on the gin or whatever I just said. She, no, he says it's time to de-tech our lives. He said he does not trust his phone for doing banking.

[00:19:17] That is fascinating because a while ago, years ago, like 10 years ago, he wrote a column where he was saying banking is safe and said that only like a fool would get caught in a scam. And he gave out his bank account details in the column saying, no one can scam me even if they've got your details. And within a week, someone managed to take money out of his account. I presume it wasn't his, he probably set up a second current account for it. That's what I would have done if I were doing that bit.

[00:19:45] But he, 10 years ago, trusted putting his banking details in a newspaper column and now won't use his phone. Then again, I think he's right. I think if you, if you don't use technology very well, stay away from it. The number of times I've wasted a full day stood behind someone on a self-scan till while they try and, I don't know, arrange a mortgage on the darn thing. And I'm thinking, out of the two of us, I'm the one with more time left on this planet to waste. So I'm not really sure why you're doing this, but that's been harsh, I suppose.

[00:20:14] Britain, Britain, Britain is experiencing an octopus explosion. I've not noticed. I've got to be honest. I've walked down many a street recently. I've not seen anything land on me like that. Bird poo still seems to be my biggest nemesis, but the total weight of beasts caught by commercial fishing boats has soared by 1,500%. That means over 3,700 tons.

[00:20:41] If you're measuring your octopi by the ton, fishermen fear the eight-legged critters are threatening their livelihoods by scoffing the crabs and lobsters and mussels. Ooh, I'm having seafood. They're on a seafood diet. Whenever there's seafood, they eat it. No wonder they're getting so big. Actually, I think that story's done. We've covered all we need to. We achieved the joke. Let's move on. People with a good ear for sounds, according to this piece of research, find it easier to learn a second language.

[00:21:10] Which is weird because I think I'm quite good at sounds. I'm good at recognizing voices in voiceovers and can play any musical instrument I attempt to play. It's always by ear. I've never been very good at reading in any ways. But I'm also not really good at languages. And I think it's because of pragmatism. I think there's a quote by or a video of Rory Sutherland talking about this saying that, okay, you know, he starts everything like that. That if you learn a second language and your second language is English, you can communicate,

[00:21:39] says me, with loads of people who speak English as a first or second language. But if you learn any other second language as a second language, yeah, you speak some French people. You don't want to do that for everything's on fire. I know a song about that. But that's why I decided to learn a second language. And the second language I'm going to learn is English. Because no one stops you. I imagine how good I would do all of those learn to speak English qualifications.

[00:22:09] You go past them if you walk in London, like, you know, learn English and we'll fill in your migration paperwork for you. I should pop up there. I do. I think I would do really well at it. I'd still struggle with spelling. And every so often I get confused between a who and a whom. But they won't touch you for that, will they? Well, I'll find out, won't I? That's the podcast done. Thank you for listening to what we had to offer to you. I did mention as part of this that this song was played on the radio show. Some of this content goes out on radio as well, you see. Do you know that? Oh, yeah.

[00:22:39] We're multimedia, multi-platform. If you'd like to track me down at Mr. Stephen Allen on social media, subscribe to wherever you found this podcast. And thank you for doing that. Keep up to date with the news we can dig out and throw in your general direction. And until next time. Thank you for listening to Stephen Allen almost daily. This podcast is part of Podomity, the UK's podcast comedy network. Why not laugh at what else we've got?

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