Nvidia Guy Deserves It

[00:00:01] Hello, I'm Steve N Allen and welcome to Steve N Allen (almost) Daily. Hello, welcome to the podcast that gets you up to date with the news. Even though we took a few days off, forgive me because it was not a holiday or anything, it's just the other half was working so I had to do so much looking after the kids. And as you can imagine, I have henceforth been held aloft like a hero. Meanwhile, in the knees, I'm just, what's the thing, what's the peddling here?

[00:00:31] No, what, freewheeling. No, what do they call it? I'm treading water. I'm treading water here because normally at the start of the show, I would like to do a little joke about the main news. The main news is Russell Brand. It kind of feels like a joke there would be very poor taste indeed. So we'll just crack on with the, oh, we can't crack on with the front pages, they're all going to be about brand. We'll crack on with the front pages and see what we can do. Let's do a quick look through the front pages. There's not a lot we can joke about unless you particularly find these kind of trials hilarious.

[00:01:00] Brand jailed for 10 years is the front page of The Times. You are a sex predator, says the star. Just in case you're wondering, talking about the Russell Brand one, not the other one that we're waiting to be able to name later. More facing, more facing, sorry, Brand facing more claims is the Daily Mail's front page take on it. The Guardian, predator brand sentenced to 10 years. They also have a story about Trump and Musk back the NVIDIA boss.

[00:01:27] You know the boss of NVIDIA, which is, I think it's the sequel to Mbop. NVIDIA makes the GPUs, those graphic processing unit things, which AI uses. So it became a really big name company all of a sudden. Just used to be gamers enjoyed it and the next thing you know, they're making a lot of money because of all the AI. The boss had an affair and Trump and Musk have backed him. And yeah, I imagine they would.

[00:01:55] But although, at the same time, I do think, if you look at pictures of him, he just looks like a happy little nerd who's so nerdy and he's all really good at being nerds. Oh, I really like graphical processing units. I do like the architecture of this chip, but I do find that number of cores. Oh yeah, well, of course you do need to make sure that the bus flows. But you know all this stuff. When someone is that nerdy, let them have a little bit of fun. Am I an outlier in my opinion?

[00:02:22] If someone's an absolute, oh, I love learning about ones and zeros and the way in which you can construct these transistors to make a really important processing unit, which is through the flow of data and the gigaflops and all of that. When you know all that stuff, let him get some strange. Is that the take we should be taking? I mean, probably not on a day like today with all the other front pages. What else is happening out there? Whitehall Boss Civil Service must improve productivity. Well, I mean, you could have printed that on the front page any day.

[00:02:50] And we've become a nation of lazy dog owners, berates us from The Telegraph. Speak for yourself. I am not a lazy dog owner. I don't have a dog. I'm lazy, but I don't have a dog. So shove that in your pipe and smoke it, The Telegraph. I think that's basically all we can find on the front pages. So let's get inside. Do you remember the story about the fridges being hacked? I've loved it because it's just kind of it's seemed in fact, my newspaper column this week is all about prank warfare.

[00:03:20] It seems like lots of if that's the new battlefront, then we need to get better at just watching out for someone calling up saying, yes, please. Could you do a shout out over Tannoy for Mikhail, Mikhail Hunt? Right. But I don't think we need to worry about that. Do you know who it looks like did the hacking of the fridges, though? Iranian hackers were behind the cyber attacks that warmed up fridges. And the reason I mention it, the headline in the newspaper is, Muller's Hit Yoghurts. That, oh, come on.

[00:03:50] That is such a good headline. The journalists must be, they took the day off after that. Iranian leaders hacked the places that keep yogurt dry, cold. Oh, I tell you what. Those same journalists must be hoping that something happens to Tim Rice any day now. This is a sad story. There's a badger's self-styled saviour, this bloke who found a badger in a cow trough. Now, that's not where they're meant to be.

[00:04:19] I don't think cows eat badgers. And that's as far as my knowledge goes. But this Graham Wilson guy, he found this starving Harriet, he's named the badger, nursed her back to health. But experts now at the British Wildlife Rehabilitation Centre say Harriet's chances of a life in the wild with other badgers is probably lost. She'd gone soft. She got used to the easy human life of being fed food. So, who's in the right, who's in the wrong? Should he have just given some food, ten quid in the back pocket, off you go.

[00:04:48] Or nursed her back to health, but then maybe she won't be able to... What I'm trying to say is, it's not black and white. That was a long walk to get to that joke, wasn't it? This is a sad story. The story of a daughter who spent her elderly mum's savings online, doing online shopping in Netflix. She's been handed a restraining order. What about in the country is this? This is in Carmarthenshire. Sad story. I will say, that's a bad thing. If you want to spend someone's savings without their permission,

[00:05:16] you have to marry them first. We have legal presidents in this country. And that is the very... Is that the most controversial one we've done on the thing so far? Maybe. There's a story of someone who's achieved a degree at university. Well done. Congratulations. What's that degree in? Well, they wrote their dissertation on Weatherspoon's pubs. And they've got a first class degree. Josh Griffith. Hard name to say. Thanks for that. He was a huge fan of the budget boozer, so he looked into their place in society.

[00:05:46] No, it's not even like a business degree, is it? This is some humanities rubbish. Let's not worry about that then. He's research focused on four venues. Two in Leeds and two in London. What's he got a degree in? From the University of Leeds. Achieved a degree in geography. Geography. That's useful geography. I don't need to know about an Oxbow lake, but if you're an expert in geography and you can tell me where the nearest boozer is, all of a sudden I'm up for it. Can we just have that?

[00:06:14] Let's not end up in a society where you need to have a degree to work at Weatherspoon's. No, they did that to the nurses and I'm not sure it really helped. The idea you might have to do it to Weatherspoon's pub staff. We're walking down the wrong path there, mate. There's a story in the news about bras. Brasillers. You've heard of them. Not to be confused with a brasserie. Honestly, I thought the place you would buy a bra from would be a brasserie. Turned up there like a fool. Didn't see anyone getting measured. Still had a lovely lunch.

[00:06:41] A rivalry between two Marks and Spencer bra fitters ended up in legal action over claims of discrimination. Listen, I like the idea of this. Bra fitters being competitive. Because I remember the sitcom Never the Twain about two antique shops and it was a great sitcom. But imagine if Never the Twain was about two bra fitters. I just think it would be more fun to watch. I imagine you'd still... Because in my mind now, I've imagined that one bra fitted as the left one and the other one does the right one.

[00:07:09] And then with hilarious consequences. An employment judge found that one of them was being abrupt, rude and dismissive during their years of working. Still, I can't help but think that if you're a bit... You don't want to be a bit cold. I don't know. If you are a bit cold, you might improve. Do you know what? We're going down the wrong path on this. I'll move on.

[00:07:35] An ex-police sergeant who is accused of asking a woman for pictures of her bottom has denied misconduct charges. Interestingly, allegedly sought in proper relationships with eight women, including two work colleagues. Hmm. So I suppose his argument is saying, I did ask for pictures of bottoms, but it was thoroughly above board. I mean, it's difficult to know what to think. It's not illegal to see a bottom, is it?

[00:08:05] What was he trying to say? No, it was purely for research purposes. The... Like fingerprints. Just need to eliminate you from our inquiries. We just sit on this ink block and then sit on this. No, again. We've gone down the wrong path with this story. So we'll just... We'll leave it be. This is interesting. Blokes called Dave are Britain's handiest people when it comes to DIY. I should have said DIY first, because being a bit handy is easily confused with being a bit handsy. That's not what you want as a survey.

[00:08:36] Blokes called Dave are the handsiest people in the UK. No, no. DIY, if you want someone who's good at it, you go for a Dave. Look at this. According to the research, Steve and John are close behind. Get in. However, I feel like I should apologise to all other Steves for really bringing down our average. If it weren't for me being useless at DIY, we could have won this one. Sorry, guys. Sorry, lads. Mainly lads. There might be the odd woman called Steve. Um, these days. But I don't think I'm in the wrong here.

[00:09:04] I'm not that good at DIY, but I'm a Steve. If I want someone to do it well, I'll just go and speak to Dave. This survey has vindicated me. Well, that's about all we have time for. Thank you for listening to this little newsy podcast. Get subscribed for more. Give yourself a little regular update of news action. Subscribe to wherever you found this podcast. Find me on social media at Steve N Allen. And until next time. Thank you for listening to Steve N Allen. Almost. Daily.

[00:09:34] This podcast is part of Podomity. The UK's podcast comedy network. Why not laugh at what else we've got? Visit Podomity.com.