Should We Control Political Donations?

[00:00:00] This September, podcasts across the Podomedy Network are supporting Calm's Stay Tuned campaign. Podcasts can be good company, but sometimes people need somewhere to turn. Calm provides free, anonymous support for anyone struggling with suicidal thoughts or affected by suicide. If you can help, £12.20 can cover the cost of answering a potentially life-saving call. You'll find the link to give in the show notes. Thank you for supporting Calm.

[00:00:28] Hello, I'm Stephen Allen and welcome to Stephen Allen Almost Daily. Welcome to the podcast that gets you your quick news fix on a day when Donald Trump says the AI safety fears are just a hoax, or at least something that looks like Donald Trump says it's a hoax. You know where I'm going with this, because... Let's see your front pages. I have not seen the front pages myself, but let's walk through them together.

[00:00:53] The Guardian. Ministers seek law change to make £72 million donation to reform illegal. I wonder why they didn't do that before. Hmm. I still don't know where I sit on this. I mean, I heard someone on radio today saying they should limit the amount of donations you can make to like £1,000 from any individual. And the host... Oh, I can tell you, it was Nick Ferrari on LBC was saying to the guy, so that would just be £1,000 from a trade union. He went, oh no, it's per member. Ha ha ha ha!

[00:01:23] But then by the same token, they didn't get into this, but I think the debate would be, well, if you're the boss of a corporation, would you be able to do it on behalf of your employees? Or is there something tangibly different about a union? And even if you did bring in these rules, there'd be some way of getting round it. Do you know what I mean? I don't know what the solution is. Also on the front page of The Guardian, why is there a picture of Oasis?

[00:01:48] Listen, I don't want to dox myself, but I live just down the road from Nebworth. But I also cannot afford the tickets, so absolutely useless news. And Trump... Oh, there's the story about Trump and AI. We've got our front page of The Times. The five unhealthiest lunches for work. Why would you... What am I going to go out and get one of those? Well, I bet they taste nice though. That doesn't make any sense, does it? Evolutionarily.

[00:02:18] Stuff that's really bad for you. Oh, it tastes nice. I've never tried arsenic, but I bet it's all. By arsenic, I mean the poison. Not when you have a small cut. Just on the inside. Well, maybe... I mean, I have not tried either. Trump calls out AI conspiracy. We've covered that one already. Enhanced checks may block £72 million donation to reform. I mean... Yeah, I suppose. Depends what the enhanced checks are, doesn't it?

[00:02:47] Doesn't everyone who's given big money to reform so far have a criminal conviction? Then again. Sort of most people you walk past on the street thanks to the early release scheme. Reading is good for you, whatever the genre. Let's click in on this one and see if we can read some more of this. Whether it's War and Peace or The Very Hungry Caterpillar, reading will enrich your body as well as your mind. Researchers at the University of Cambridge say that regardless of what or how we read,

[00:03:15] sitting down with a book was linked to improved health and problem solving. Yes, but are you sure about the Hungry Caterpillar thing? Because there was a... Was it last... No, I can't remember last year. The year before, there was this thing on social media where loads of annoying people were saying, this year, start the year, this year I'm going to try and read a book a week. And I did reply going, I do a book a night, you fools. And I didn't point out. It's basically The Gruffalo, The Gruffalo's Child.

[00:03:45] Room on the Broom. Um, Smeds and the Smoos. By the way, the Smeds and the Smoos, basically just Romeo and Juliet. Thorough ripoff. But anyway, they say research has said that reading is good for you. And as I said, I do read. I'm not really sure that The Very Hungry Caterpillar does anything other than make me go downstairs and eat more food. Well, each to their own. The front page of the Daily Telegraph has a picture of Sydney Sweeney holding a ball. But in this picture, she's fully dressed.

[00:04:15] That's not the one they've been using elsewhere, is it? Is she advertising something about betting? Sporting Sisterhood tackles sexualised Sweeney. Oh, that's because she's not actually playing the sport, though. She's advertising it. That's, I can't believe we're falling for it. All that's happening is, same for those jeans you'd never heard of before. And now you've heard of them. Why? Because the advertising is really good when she's got a kit off? No, no, no. Because it means we talk about it. You fools! You've fallen for the trap.

[00:04:45] They must have thought, how much do we have to pay Sydney Sweeney to just be provocative so that then there's a phone-in on Jeremy Vine about it? Villagers join revolt over migrant camps. The Piddington ones. I prefer their original plan. So, Piddington has a migrant base, an old military camp that's being reused. And at the moment, it's all the local women saying that they're scared. I like the original idea, which was they were going to try and break away from the UK and declare independence.

[00:05:15] That is the level of devolution I would be up for. When I was on the front page of the Express, oh, picture of the Piddington women. Are they declaring, do you know what, though? They're there with Sawola Braverman and it's getting good coverage. But if Sydney Sweeney was there with a baps out, you'd be talking about it then, wouldn't you? Although the headline is, this is for our children. You wouldn't have that as the headline if Sydney Sweeney had a baps out. Actress Sydney's booby trap. Oh, maybe they've...

[00:05:44] It's the front page of the Star. Up to date with my level of thinking. Team GB's Amy Hunt clocked a season's best sprint and said, Sydney Sweeney, this is what women in sport look like. Yeah. Because she's women in advertising. Am I wrong about this? When the whole world seems to have not clocked the thing yet, I start to question myself. She's among the sportswomen who have slammed the star for a naked sports ad. I do think, Amy Hunt, given a choice between you and Sydney Sweeney,

[00:06:13] I'd bet on you to be the fastest runner. Yeah. But in terms of getting publicity, they've picked the one who gets the publicity. Front page of the mail. How I helped Kate choose her wedding dress. Oh, surely no one cares. But meanwhile, the other story on the front page is Harry and Meghan pulled children out of their new school after two days. Yeah, I feel sorry for the kids. I feel sorry for the school. That's not going to look good, is it? Well, of course, we did have a royal go in here. Oh, yeah, when was that from?

[00:06:42] It was from the 13th of September 2026 to the 15th of September 2026. Not really a ringing endorsement, isn't it? Sometimes the dates on a CV can give you away. And those will do. I'm just going to have a look at the eye. ADHD not being overdiagnosed in the UK. Major report set to find. Okay, we'll have a quick look. Because you know, I do think as a stand-up comedian, I could probably get myself diagnosed if I wanted.

[00:07:10] ADHD is not being widely overdiagnosed, the government review finds. Report by the UK's leading clinical experts. It's expected to be published within weeks. This is going to mean someone's going to complain about Channel 4. Having said that, though, you know, recently I made a joke which didn't land very well on TV News and I was in the top three complained about things on TV that week. Thankfully, that documentary on Channel 4 really kept me off that top spot. Nice.

[00:07:39] And those are your front pages. Let's get inside the news. In entertainment news, it seems only right that we mention Sydney Sweeney again. Well, look, normally I pay attention to some Sydney Sweeney news, but this is actual news. All the newspapers have the picture of her. She's done an advert for a betting company where she's stripped down. I'll tell you how the newspaper phrases it. She's wowed fans after stripping down to her birthday suit with just carefully positioned sports equipment maintaining her modesty.

[00:08:09] And this shows, in my opinion, the double standard in society. Because there's a picture of her wearing nothing other than it's had an ice hockey blade. There's one where she's got a basketball, a football and a rugby ball and American football, I guess. There's one with a baseball bat covering her modesty. And everyone's like, wow, this is really good. And yet when I did it just once, I'm told I can never go back into that sports direct. Unfair.

[00:08:37] You know, I do love technology, but even I am starting to get a little bit sheepish about some of the news we're getting. All the people saying that AI is now terrifying. I feel bad. I've been half joking about that. Normally there's an AI story and I say, don't these people ever watch any films? I'm starting to worry that they should. AI staff are genuinely frightened for humanity. This is according to an ex-anthropic researcher, Jacob Coxon, who quit the AI firm, said those working on the tech

[00:09:05] are concerned about the speed of its advancement. They're looking to try and get AI that updates itself. And then it'll just romp away. It'll be so good at making itself better. And then it'll get... I mean, they say it won't be long until AI is more intelligent than the average human. And in the past, I've pointed out, that ain't saying much. Have you seen the average human? I've seen people pushing on pull doors and you think, well, if that's what we're dealing with, I don't know, we'll cope. Plus also, this is AI that will update itself.

[00:09:35] This is why we need to get Microsoft involved. Because if they could be in charge of the updates, that'll slow that thing right down. If you've tried to use Windows 11 recently, the one thing that will waste most of your time is doing one of those updates. You're 100% done. Am I, though? Because if I was 100% done, I think I'd be done. But I'm still looking at this page. So if we could do that, get Microsoft involved in updating AI. I think I've just saved humanity. You're welcome, humanity. I feel bad even talking about this story, but Brad Pitt's in the news.

[00:10:04] He's watching some tennis and it says he serves up a treat for his girlfriend with a date night at tennis. Not my kind of date night, if I'm brutally honest. I know the word love's involved. I'm sure there's a pun we could have done there. But I just want to point out, look, obviously he's Brad Pitt and I'm not. I'm no Brad Pitt. And even if I were Brad Pitt, that wouldn't impress anyone. What's her name? Shania Twain. So you're Brad Pitt. That don't impress me much. That seems rather pointed, doesn't it? But he is 62 and his girlfriend is 33.

[00:10:32] And I've never normally been the kind of person who'd say that's a bit of an age gap. You know, love is love, which is what you learn if you go to tennis. But the and I suppose at tennis things go up in chunks of 15, which actually might make the age gap seem less. But no wonder he took it to tennis. It's a 30-year age gap. That's only a two difference if you're doing tennis. Oh, it all makes sense now. This is probably the worst news I've read out in ages. Depending on your point of view, I suppose.

[00:11:01] But the cost of a full roast has rocketed in the past year. Oh, I love a good roast. Oh, hang on. So here's the story. A family dinner with a one kilogram joint of beef. That's mine. What are you having? And all the trimmings now costs almost £27 to rustle up. It was £25 last year. Still worth it, though, isn't it? No, honestly, this is one of those things. I remember my dad saying he used to enjoy a pint of bitter.

[00:11:28] And he said, when beer becomes more than a pound for a pint, I'll stop drinking. And obviously he didn't because he really liked it. And I think the same is true of this. I could sit here and say £27 for a roast. If that hits £30, I'll stop. Not a chance. You can prize that roast out of my warm, chubby hand. And I'll still try and fight you for it. So yeah, according to the slap-up lamb meal with potatoes, carrots, parsnips, cabbage and Brussels sprouts now costs more than £23.

[00:11:57] So lamb's cheaper than the beef, is it? You see, there are some cutbacks I am willing to make. You must have seen the story while we've been doing food chat about school kids will be banned from eating ice cream and face limits on pizza and sausage roll under new rules. The first new school food standards drive for more than a decade. Desserts like cake must contain or be served with fruit.

[00:12:24] Now look, I know what they do in there, but it doesn't work. I've done that myself in my own life, thinking like, oh, I really shouldn't do a dessert. But a trifle's got some fruit in it. It's one of me five a day. There's no way that's got to make it healthy. I mean, I would eat the chocolate dessert, but now I'm going to have the raspberry fool instead. And that's technically health food. No, it's not, is it? In fact, you know, you know, the rough. Here's the pun.

[00:12:54] You know why they call it a raspberry fool? Because I'm the fool who thinks it's healthy. You know, I'm a big fan of Rihanna and all that stuff. But she's done a thing to advertise what she's doing now. She's not making as much music now. Do you know what she does instead? Underpants. She's got her own lingerie range. And to publicize it, she's done this thing where up in a city center, she's got an upside down version of like an outline, a translucent outline of her lingerie set.

[00:13:22] So that when the sun hits it, it casts a shadow that looks like her lingerie. I mean, it is really clever. And it's done around like a zebra crossing or whatever they call those in America. So you walk either side of it. It's great. But I do think, again, it's an example of a double standard because when she uses her pants to cast a massive shadow on the street, it's like this newsworthy event. When I do it once, I'm asked, sir, could you please back away from this sports direct?

[00:13:50] And it's just a double standard, isn't it? Look, I know we're going to get lots of Strictly news coming up over the however. But here's one story which really hits with me. Danny Dyer, the daughter Danny Dyer, not daddy Danny Dyer. Danny Dyer's daughter Danny Dyer, not daddy Danny Dyer's daddy. Oh, that's harder to say than I thought. Anyway, her. She says she's terrified of getting injured on Strictly again.

[00:14:13] The former Love Island winner whose stint on BBC Ballroom show was cut short last year admitted her biggest fear ahead of her return is suffering another injury. And whilst I can understand that, it really shows that she's 30. Right? She's 30. And she's like, oh, no, I don't want to get injured going back on a really hard-to-do dance show again. You wait till you're in your 40s and 50s. I don't want to get injured bending down to tie my shoelaces.

[00:14:41] You just hit a stage of life being like, oh, I would jump down from this second step. But I really don't want to end up spending the next three months in a cast. So in some ways, I've got no sympathy for her. That's your podcast done. Thank you for listening. Thank you for absorbing some news we've thrown in your general direction. If you'd like an almost daily update of the important and unimportant bits, get yourself subscribed to wherever you found this podcast. And until next time.

[00:15:08] Thank you for listening to Stephen Allen Almost Daily. This podcast is part of Podomity, the UK's podcast comedy network. Why not laugh at what else we've got? Visit Podomity.com.