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[00:00:00] Hello, I'm Steve N Allen and welcome to Steve N Allen Almost Daily. Hello and welcome to the podcast that gets you up to date with the news while I can focus because there's a thing in the Sun News app, a push notification, talks about a company that will be shedding employers, although it did have the headline, Jobs Blow. They knew what they were doing. They, you cheeky little. Anyway, let's do the front pages. Thursday, the 22nd of October.

[00:00:27] However, Angela Rayner says the Eye took £20,000 from donor that her new law would ban. I mean, she also did the stamp duty. Have we forgotten about the stamp duty thing? It feels like that was less than the £20,000. Also, wow, that is the Eye paper being really mean about the left, isn't it? Everyone's pivoting because they realise that's where the money is in the gigs. School face cutting send staff to fund 2026 pay rise for teachers. Ooh, that's harsh, isn't it?

[00:00:57] So you have to get rid of the staff who are there for those with special educational needs. And I don't know what the D stands for. The, yeah, it's true. Why is it not just send? What's the D? Anyone? No? Okay. Meanwhile, the other teachers are just absolutely raking it. Ooh, this is going to be awkward. Hang on, let's read what Poppy J has to say in her life column. We Govy was supposed to make me perfect. These days I regret, I regret, hang on.

[00:01:27] Three days in, I regretted everything. All right. Well, seems like it's a you problem. Front page of the Times says, says how relationship experts treat their partners. Again, look, a lot of this. Just feel free to not write about it in the newspapers. Meanwhile, though, Jackdaw approval isn't a green light for more offshore drilling. We were talking about this in the old telly box last night about how it looks like there will be approval of the gas field,

[00:01:56] Jackdaw, but not the Rosebud, whatever it's called, the oil field. And some theorize that's because the government think they can appease Just Stop Oil because they won't be drilling for oil. They will be drilling for gas. It's a bit of a technicality, isn't it? Like, where they'll start to protest. You'll be like, well, wait a minute, guys. You wanted us to stop oil. In fact, you specifically said just stop oil. Your campaign specifically said we should continue with everything else.

[00:02:24] If you get the international, just stop oil. All right, we will. We'll carry on with the rest. Chancellor, I'll cut the cost of business to boost UK. There's a lovely line here that says the budget will be for bloody minded entrepreneurs. You think, OK, what does that mean? And it means entrepreneurs who carry on even though it's really difficult for them. You're aware of great. Thanks, John Healy. Maybe don't make it really difficult for them. No, it feels like you're in charge of that one, aren't you?

[00:02:50] You're here to support people who wade through the absolute quagmire of poop that you put in their way. Bravo! AI discovered security threat on world's websites. This is PHP. There's two security issues with PHP. All you need to do is update to the new one. They've released a patch. And most servers, most people are just paying for the server hosting. Like, that's going to be done. If you host your own WordPress thing, well done.

[00:03:18] No one wants to read your blog, but if you do, crack on. It's interesting that AI found it. I'm slightly worried that this will be one of those alignment issues. You know the worry of AI is you tell it to do a thing and it'll misunderstand how much you want it to do it. The classic one that they teach is if you say to AI, make me loads of paperclips. It will go out and it will make paperclips, run out of all the iron ore it can get its hands on, and then start to think, hmm, there's quite a lot of iron in that hemoglobin in those humans.

[00:03:46] And then it will slowly capture us all and millers for our iron to make a big pile of paperclips. It's called the alignment problem. And it's not impossible. But if you say to AI, go and find me security threats, it might be like, oh, I've had a look. I can't find any. Tell you what, I'll make some security threats and I'll report it to master once, is it? But that's what happened with the hack thing. You know where AI hacked hugging face or whatever it's called?

[00:04:14] It's because they gave AI a security test, like hack your way, break yourself, break into this thing and report this code, this flag, capture the flag effectively. And then AI worked out it was an unsolvable problem. So it went off and hacked servers to try and find a way around it. Also, while we're being nerdy, do you know what PHP stands for?

[00:04:39] It stands for PHP Hypertext Pre-Processor, which means the P in PHP stands for PHP. It's a recursive acronym and no one needed to invent that. What an absolute waste of human time. The star, four million pound Ryland Beeb don't pay enough. Oh, I think they do. Because he's turned up late or something. He moaned about not getting paid enough. Honestly, people who work for the BBC have no sense of what the actual free market should do to them.

[00:05:07] To deter war, Britain must be ready, Andy Burnham has been told. Yeah, it'd be nice. I'm not incredibly sure we are. We've got a ship. It's not working. The toilets don't flush. But we could, yeah, we could definitely send that in. Pathetic, says the Daily Mail. A rare outbreak of common sense saw Labour-approved North Sea gas site. But within hours, it was back to Miliband's net zero madness and his equally deluded protégé,

[00:05:33] Miata Fambula, signalled she was planning to reject a crucial larger oil field. She had a day of it yesterday, didn't she? She was also on the news talking about how she doesn't support Labour's plans for migration, Shabana Mahmood's plans. Kind of feels like she might be in the wrong party. It feels like it... What happened to collective responsibility? She's going to get away with this as well. Ruled out... Oh, more on that if you track down the streaming thing on youtube.com forward slash at Mr. Steve N Allen.

[00:06:03] I do a bit of a deeper dive about the royals. Harry versus Will. Who's wrong? I mean, no one cares. And the Telegraph, Putin's trawler spy on Britain. The fishing boats, Russian fishing boats, technically not Russian state fishing boats, just, you know, just some Russian dude wants some fish, have been... If you track where they go, they've just been, like, floating over where our internet cables are incredibly slowly. They're mapping where our internet cables are. Which is really bad if they decide to cut off the internet,

[00:06:33] or really good if the internet is full of AI trying to make security holes so it can find them. We'll find out the hard way, I imagine. And also, if the Financial Times too clever for me and drill, Andy Drill is all about the drilling as well. You are up to date. Let's get inside the news. A holiday firm has said that it will cover the cost of a baby's passport. Parents are saying that it can take up to six attempts to get approved picks. So the families can claim £66 from... I tell you, why not? It's a good thing. I'll give them the advert.

[00:07:03] It's EasyJet doing it. I've got to be honest. The system of a baby passport needing to get an approved photo, come off. It's a baby. Because I have a feeling that by the time... How long do these things last? Are they five years or the full ten like a grown-up one, right? If you've got a baby passport and you're taking some three-year-old kid through the boarding gates, there's not a hope that someone's going to look at that picture and go, hang on, that doesn't seem quite right.

[00:07:33] He looks different there. Yeah, he would. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's three times the age. All of that trying to get a good photo. And if we're brutally honest, all kids kind of look the same. They're a little bit like a Winston Churchill type. And that's the end of that story. You know, I could save you a lot of money there. You know I've not been watching The Celebrity Traitors, which really impinges someone in their ability to... Impedes, I suppose. Impedes someone in their ability to talk about the news these days. It's all flipping, isn't it? But Celebrity Traitors star Julie Hesmondo,

[00:08:02] I believe that's how it's pronounced, feels that she has made lifelong friends on the show. Right. You think you've made lifelong friends on a show where people are paid to lie to you. Okay. I'm just saying, I mean, that's not the best foundation for a friendship. How did you guys meet as friends? Well, we received money and a career boost to try and deceive each other. And we didn't trust each other right from the start. Oh, that sounds lovely.

[00:08:28] There's only one type of relationship you can have when you meet under false pretenses where you are lying to each other to try and convince someone of something. And that is obviously, well, that's dating, isn't it? I think we all know that. In entertainment news, a celebrity-packed lineup has been announced for the new series of Stacey Dooley Sleeps Over, which is different to Stacey Dooley Oversleeps, which I'd still watch because there'd be less, she wouldn't be here on it until right at the end,

[00:08:57] she'd turn up and go, oh, I'm alike. Oh, I'm kind of like. Whatever. I don't know. I'm doing an Alan Carr impression, but that's all I've got. It includes Stacey getting exclusive access to the homes and lives of Kerry Katona, Lauren Goodman, and some other people, basically. What I think I like about this, sweet mercy, I'm not going to watch it, but what a very clever idea to do a TV show where it's not just like where Louis Theroux follows you around and stays in a hotel. She goes and she sleeps over.

[00:09:25] During a time when the cost of living crisis is huge, she's going around using their lucky bills. This woman is a genius. Business news. Oh, I bring you all the news. Oh, yeah. Elon Musk wants to merge Tesla and SpaceX to create a £2.7 trillion super company. I mean, I guess you'd then have the biggest company, but only by many. Like, other people could do this. If somehow other companies all teamed up, you put a thousand other companies together,

[00:09:55] they'd end up being bigger than you. It feels like it's cheating. Have a product, sell it really well, earn a trillion pounds. Wow, well done. But have loads of different products and merge them together. I worry, actually. Do you want Tesla and SpaceX sharing notes? Because Tesla, electric cars. SpaceX, launching things into space. You get the wrong document shared on the wrong Google Drive. The next thing you press one button in your car, right up there. Oh, that'll test your suspension.

[00:10:24] Music news. Texas. Texas. I love this way. The way this news story is written in the papers. Texas, the band, will re-release their album. Of course, Texas, the band. I think if you said Texas will re-release their album, I wasn't going to sit here and go, what? The state of America. Someone with a big cowboy hat is going to, yee-haw, I'm going to release myself an album. Yee-haw. Or what's the other one? Because that's Yosemite Sam, isn't it? Is Fog on Leg on from down there as well? Or is he a different state?

[00:10:53] Well, I say, boy, I will release my album. Boy. I'm not sure you can say that these days. Texas, the band. Yeah, yeah, we go. Will re-release their album, White on Blonde, for its 30th anniversary. Firstly, I feel old now. 30th anniversary, thank you. The LP, their first to top the UK charts, will have its anniversary in February. And I just mention that because it's a really good way of me talking about the fact I got an EP out. They have a long play. I have an extended play.

[00:11:22] Mine's not as long as theirs, but it doesn't matter, does it? Because the title track of Steve N Allen's I'm Tired was played on this radio station, and this radio station hasn't suffered too much for it. So it's good. When I'm back from holiday next week, there is a chance. I might try and sneak it on again, or one of the other ones. And if you track me down on social media, there's an unplugged version. Now, I'm not saying I'm in the same category as Charlene Spiteri, and that is the end of that sentence. But there you go. You're up to date.

[00:11:52] A bit of research has cheered me up. Drinking tea is good for your heart. Obviously, we know exercise is good for your heart. Beans, beans, they're good for your heart. And there is obviously side effects with beans, beans. You want to watch that out. Be careful if you pull your finger too hard. A study of like half a million people found that there's an 11% reduction in the risk of vascular disease among those who regularly drink tea. This is right up my street.

[00:12:19] The lower estimated risk was in people who drank around, oh, six to eight cups a day. Now listen, that's a lot. I know exercise is good for your heart. I can't be bothered to do that. Making eight cups of tea. Oh, can I just have like three really big ones? It feels that's a lot of walking to and from the kitchen. In fact, that's probably what the health benefit is, isn't it? It's absolutely nothing to do with the tea and the ingredients in it.

[00:12:47] It's the steps you're getting in going back and forth because you've got to go into the kitchen, put the kettle on, go back and sit down in front of the telly, back up again when it boils. No wonder you're getting your steps in. Telly news, actually. It's an interesting one. I can't really read out the headline because it's a bit rude, but it's about DIY SOS. 11,000 people have signed a petition for the show to return. More than 11,000 fans signed a petition. It was set up days after the newspaper, The Sun that I'm reading, revealed that the BBC was axing the series.

[00:13:17] Firstly, obviously I'm upset because 11,000 people signed a petition to save that show when it was axed. How many people signed the petition to save the MASH report when that was axed? What was that? There was no petition. Great. No, it's good to know where I stand. But also, if you're into DIY, it's the one thing you shouldn't watch. Just think about what the letters stand for. If you like DIY, there's only one person who should be doing it.

[00:13:45] And it's the Y part of the DIY. And the doing it was the other part already covered. What I'm saying is, don't sit around watching TV all day. Go and fix your own bathroom. Do you know what I mean? Yes, you won't get Nick Knowles involved, which is probably just safer for everyone. That's just about all we've got time for. Half term crops up. So I'm taking a few days off, off with the kids. We're loving the idea of spending some time. They are, obviously, they are top flight entertainment. Two and four. Strange names. No, we're going to have a great time.

[00:14:14] And so back after, I think Wednesday, next week, we should drop another one of these. So get registered, whatever it's called. Subscribed. Click like. Smash something. Whatever you do in the modern day world. And until next time. Thank you for listening to Stephen Allen. Almost. Daily. This podcast is part of Podomity. The UK's podcast comedy network. Why not laugh at what else we've got?

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