Funnybones

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[00:00:20] Thank you. Where can we find it? That's coming later. You'll have to find out! You'll be able to find it through the links in our socials. Enjoy the episode. Good luck editing that together. This content contains podcasts. This adult contains podcasts. Adult content, be advised. Enjoy the episode.

[00:01:36] Hello everyone! Just to let you know, we are talking about Funnybones. And because it is about skeletons, we are going to be talking about death and decay in this episode. So if that is something you're uncomfortable with, take care listening to this episode.

[00:01:54] Otherwise, it's a pretty funny one so enjoy. It's been death. Bodily Functions, Fleshy Appendages... If there's anything you should know about us as a group, we can turn any topic into a pitch in there. So what's happened in the last two weeks? Our water broke.

[00:02:34] Not so easy like your baby! I didn't realise that until I said that. I was at work today and I got a message on the group chat from these two saying there's no water coming out of our taps. I was like, fucking great.

[00:02:50] Should we tell us? We debated for two hours about whether we're not consistently... We were debating telling you but we weren't going to tell you because I contacted our landlord

[00:03:02] and it was about half past nine and I expected it to be dealt with by lunchtime and it wasn't. So when it wasn't, we were like, hmm, we should probably tell you. Well because you can't do anything while you're at work, we didn't want to stress you.

[00:03:13] Well I was honestly just happy that I wasn't having to deal with it and that you two were... It was a normal day for me. Every single water emergency, you have not been home. I know. Which is probably good. We've spoken about the flooding incident haven't we?

[00:03:28] Yeah, we mouthed off about the plumbing in this house where the plumbers were here. I know that we've spoken a lot about piss on this podcast but tell the piss story from today. Me and Laura were pissing on each other's piss, just piss upon piss upon piss.

[00:03:47] What are you pissing? There was one flush in the toilet right and I used it to get rid of my morning weight out of politeness. Yeah so we'd just been pissing on each other's piss, like I said, piss upon piss. And I cannot stress how much.

[00:04:02] When the plumbers arrived Laura came to me and she went, what do we do about the piss? Really quietly. I thought she said, what do we do about the bins? And I was like, I don't know, just leave them where they are.

[00:04:15] And she went, no, what do we do about the piss? It smells like a horse. It really did. Like a stable. Yeah, it's not really horsey.

[00:04:25] She tried to flush it down with some stuff we'd filled full of the one tap that had been working and then stopped working.

[00:04:32] But she tried to flush it down from a jug and a bottle when what you need is a bucket or loads more water than that to get water to go down. I've never had to flush a toilet like manually. Oh, I have what a privilege life.

[00:04:50] I don't know why I have why have I had to know people do yeah the one time our water broke in Singapore because we lived in condos. All right, so that's a whole building water system and it was it was on the fritz. It wasn't not working.

[00:05:03] He just wasn't working properly. And my dad was like, right, fuck this. We stayed at a hotel until it was fixed. What a lie. No, it would be so nice if I could afford to do that now. But like, right, Meg, it's fine.

[00:05:15] We'll go stay at a hotel. No, we would have had to say our hotel for all of six hours. Yeah, sorted by three o'clock. Yeah, no, this is probably we even sleep there. Let's just spend the afternoon.

[00:05:30] We knew that it wasn't going to be fixed immediately at the condos. We were there for four days. So another thing that's happened in the last week just to situate where we are is the lost a record breaking number of seats in the last election.

[00:05:46] So cheering sound effects. We're watching the results and we were like flicking between the results and for some reason the Da Vinci code because Laura wanted me to see the Da Vinci code. I also want Meg to see the Da Vinci code. Meg seen the Da Vinci code.

[00:06:02] Have you seen it? Oh, you haven't. Oh my God, we're all watching it. It's so good. So it's got 28% on Rotten Tomatoes, 25% on Rotten Tomatoes and it's like famously bad. And we were watching it and like we were switching between the election results

[00:06:19] and the Da Vinci code and every time we went back to Da Vinci code I was asking Laura to re-explain to me like theological concepts. Like it's a complicated film. There's a lot going on in the film.

[00:06:34] They do lay it out pretty well but it's like Elsie would ask a question before the like explainer had happened and I was like I'll just explain it. No, I needed it. Yeah, I did. So it was a long night.

[00:06:43] I don't know if you didn't know this but Laura messaged me to say Elsie's asking me a lot of questions and Elsie messaged me to say I'm asking Laura a lot of questions. I was like what does this Latin phrase mean

[00:06:57] and why does this mean that they want the church to protect the Holy Grail and why does this like Catholic splinter group want to... It was so confusing. And then every time we saw like a sports hall pop up on the laptop

[00:07:11] we were like pause Tom Hanks and Emily and let's watch the Tories lose another seat and it was a long night but we did get through it that way. Yeah, and I also like my dad's a huge... Who's here right now. Not in the room with us.

[00:07:26] Huge Tory. No, like he's a big fan of A. Ron Howard who directed it and B. just the Dan Brown movies he thinks they're great because he's again a big fan of theological history because our family is Catholic. So I know a lot about it

[00:07:43] and then I also know a ton of the backs like the actual theological history behind it. So I was pausing to like and be like okay this is true the Templars did exist blah blah blah blah blah every so often I was like yes there were

[00:07:55] so many people who were like I love Tom Hanks. I was like Tom Hanks. I was just there because I like little puzzles. I like paintings. You got the answer to the cryptic way before everyone in the film because when you lay out...

[00:08:11] I didn't understand the film but I predicted every single event. It was great. People hate it but it's so fun. I love Tom Hanks. Everyone loves Tom Hanks. Here's the... What's it called? Riddle they're given. And it's like here's the things.

[00:08:29] And I was like Elsie what do you think it is? She went oh this. Sorry I'm trying to be so vague so as to not spoil it for Meg. But you got it like half an hour before anyone in the film hours of in world time

[00:08:41] but like minutes for us way before everyone. It's because these people haven't slept in 48 hours. And once again because he absolutely loves to get it out for the camera Paul Bettany's bum features a lot.

[00:08:53] My mum used to work in a call centre and she once spoke to Paul Bettany. That's like her claim. Yeah so like a famous person's story. Wow. Piano I genuinely love that movie. It's great. They played another movie that I really really enjoyed that night.

[00:09:09] It was called The Tour is Losing Bios. I really enjoyed that film. It was long but I really enjoyed it. I spent that night with Alicia, a friend of the pod and about 2.30 I went home to my own house because I needed to do a big fat shit

[00:09:29] and there was literally like four sheets of toilet paper and I got home. My dad was in bed and I like yeah. What's your star meddling about that? I know there was like literal fear in me. I was like what do I do now? Shower.

[00:09:44] But it was fine in the end. That's how my night went. And then I was too excited to sleep because I kept putting my phone down and they were rolling over and looking at the news. My hometown constituency first ever labour representative

[00:09:59] which is also proud of them, I've not been back ever but great. We should probably start talking about... Yeah yeah so blendlessly talk about how happy we are about the political state of we keep going. So. So. So. What? Oh don't do that. Bones innit?

[00:10:21] Oh bones, yes I see. What we need is like a xylophone in this room. Yes I love xylophones. She has been saying all day how much she likes xylophone. I love xylophones. How do you feel about the Glockenspiel? I'm less familiar but also she'll love it.

[00:10:39] It's just a metal xylophone really. It's a grown up xylophone. Is it a massive one? Yeah it doesn't come in fun colours or a little case that you can carry. Xylophones can be quite big. Yeah like a base xylophone.

[00:10:50] I know they actually, Glock's do come in a little case. And you can get big and small versions also. So what is the difference between a Glockenspiel and a xylophone? A xylophone is made of wood I believe and a Glockenspiel is made out of metal. Oh.

[00:11:03] This is how the story begins. In a dark dark town there was a dark dark street. There was a dark dark house. In the dark dark house there were dark dark stairs. Down the dark dark stairs there was a dark dark cellar.

[00:11:18] And in the dark dark cellar some skeletons lived. There was a big skeleton, a little skeleton and a dog skeleton. Oof. Sorry we had a tangent about the instrument's extremely present in Funny Bones just then. Yes or in any media about skeleton.

[00:11:42] I actually think they play it on the skeleton. I don't think bones would have good resonance. They like, they use the xylophone whenever the skeletons move. Yeah that's true. As if they're making that noise. Oh cute. So shall I talk about the show

[00:12:06] or should we talk about our opinions on the show first? We don't really have any sort of particular structure for this do we? I mean we could talk about the show I suppose. What are your thoughts?

[00:12:15] Let's do show first so they know what we're giving our opinions about. Like a good essay. Define your terms first. Alright then. Funny Bones was a TV show based on the series of books Funny Bones by Janet and Alan Alberg. There are only 12 episodes of Funny Bones

[00:12:37] which really shocked me because it's remembered so much. And there's only literally 60 minutes of it. And I guess probably the reason it is remembered is because it was based on books that already exist. Yeah.

[00:12:55] And it never occurred to me until a few days ago that it was based on books. I knew it as a TV show. So it was on Welsh TV, like a Welsh channel. And then it was on BBC One and Two when it was repeated on those.

[00:13:15] So the original version was in Welsh. Oh! The narrator for that version was an actor called Ray Gravel. And the English actor is Griffry Jones. Which is a much, much Welsher name. I was so hoping you were going to say that Johnny Cement. No.

[00:14:06] And the English actor was called Ray Gravel. But yeah, Griffry Jones, a comedian. Probably Welsh. No, he's not. He's English. Well, he probably comes from Welsh heritage. Yeah. Famous double-act person. What was it? Jones and Smith? Mel Smith, was it?

[00:14:29] I actually thought that he was part of Monty Python. Because I don't know Monty Python that well. Because he's part of that sort of generation. In my head he's grouped in with those people. And I had to Google it. I was like, no, I don't think he is.

[00:14:44] But he sounds like he could be. So yeah, each of their versions did all of the voices. Yeah. So Ringo started. Hello little. Hello big. Hello Mr Bonehead. We want to swap dog for another pet. How you do, do ya? Let's see what there is.

[00:15:09] Alan and Janet Alberg, they wrote the first book in 1980. Did you know what else? Do you know what else they wrote? No. Not even familiar with the names. Do you know The Jolly Postman? Yes. No.

[00:15:26] So The Jolly Postman is a book where, well the full title is The Jolly Postman or in brackets other people's letters. And each page has like a face. It has like a fairy tale character.

[00:15:41] And the page has a little pocket and you can reach in and take out the letter and read it. God that would get lost so quickly. It would, yes. Like letters. Yeah, they also wrote each peach pear plum. Oh, each peach pear plum. Oh.

[00:16:02] Laura doesn't know any of these. I'm not so familiar, I won't lie. But this is from a period of my childhood where it's just blank. Yeah. So I had my eye taken out and then nothing for years.

[00:16:14] So a lot of their books because they're a husband and wife team. So he writes them and she illustrates them. Oh. And they often, because their books are kind of iconic. The Jolly Postman, Pee Poe was their first one.

[00:16:29] So Pee Poe was kind of set in the 1940s. It's about a baby in the 1940s and each page has a little circle cut out so you can peek through to the next page and see what the baby's seeing from its perspective.

[00:16:49] I love these little creative oddities for them. I wish more adult books had holes. Do you know a book you could read that's an adult book that's the hella mixed media is what's it called? House of Leaves.

[00:17:05] House of Leaves, yeah but it's not got any holes in it. Yeah there's a spiritual descendant of Pee Poe. So it's set in the 1940s but you wouldn't know this and like from the text you wouldn't know.

[00:17:16] So often their books rhyme, he's a poet as well is Alan Alberg. And I mean it's very simple. I mean this is like a quote from Pee Poe. Isn't it lucky they got together? Yes, a little baby, one, two, three, stands in his cart, what does he see?

[00:17:32] He sees father sleeping in the big brass bed and his mother too with a hair net on her head. Like Meg's looking at me like she's gonna cry. I remember that! Like when you started I was like wait a minute I've definitely fucking heard this.

[00:17:49] They often like in those sorts of lists of like most iconic children's books ever written they often have like three or four of their own books or series of books in there. Janet Alberg was very very detailed in her illustration so if you, so from the text

[00:18:08] you wouldn't know this but if you look at the images there's a gas mask hanging in the corner. I was about to say is there like a newspaper page where it says war on the horizon? I think I know about that.

[00:18:22] There's a bit where the father is kissing the baby goodnight and he's in uniform. Like it's very detailed and it's clearly set in the 40s and it was based on the life of Alan Alberg. Oh, how does he remember? Well he knows that when he was born.

[00:18:41] Yes, yes. Well, so he's got he's had a really interesting life. So he was adopted as a baby. He was an unwanted baby and he was adopted by a very poor family in the black country like West Midlands area. And he loved playing football.

[00:19:02] I believe he's written a poem about how much he loved playing football as a boy. Oh it's like Megan her bean poet. Yes! Meg wrote a poem about beans while you tell it. The poem? No, just the story of how it came to be.

[00:19:18] All the poem is a great poem. It's very Brian, what's his name? Bill Sturton. I lived in Spain in my third year of uni and they didn't have any baked beans. And that's it! They were very on the mind really, really missed baked beans.

[00:19:37] And he left school at 17. He did national service. Then he worked as a grave digger. When he was 22 he worked as a grave digger. He was a postman. He was... So basically all the books are based on his life. Postman, baby, dead, skeleton. He was a plumber's mate.

[00:20:07] What does that mean? A plumber's mate is someone that follows a plumber around holding all the stuff. We had one of them today. Yeah, he was a plumber's mate. And then he became a teacher because someone who knew him from his childhood

[00:20:25] and sort of realized that he was quite bright and had a few A levels and said, oh, you could be a teacher. And like back then you legally could just be a teacher if you know, you just could. If you wanted to be, you were on.

[00:20:38] Yeah, walked into a school, he was a teacher. I would like a job. Yeah, sure, we've got several teaching positions open. And then he went to Sunderland for some teacher training after he became a teacher obviously. And that's where he met Janet.

[00:20:52] Was she trained to be a teacher as well? She was a, I believe she was an illustrator but not of children's books. She was like a designer for, I think, but I'm not sure. And she was sick of illustrating for like manuals and shit.

[00:21:09] So she said to Alan, will you please write a children's book so I can illustrate it? So they did and they just sent, they did a few books and Alan often refers not to writing books as to making books.

[00:21:29] He always, he always says we make books because they were very involved in everything from... Given what you've said about the structure of the books that makes a lot of things. Yeah, yeah, they're very intricate and they were involved in every step of the process.

[00:21:44] They would send them off to publishers and they didn't hear anything for ages. And then eventually a few of them got picked up and he stopped teaching and they were really excited about that.

[00:21:54] And then the money dried up and he went back to teaching and then they just kept on going and going and going. And at some point in this got married for, yeah. Oh, they, I believe they were married before they started writing and drawing together.

[00:22:08] In fact, I'm going to read a quote from Alan Albaugh. So this is about the intricate way that they put together the Jolly Postman. It's all in the engineering. You have to turn the page in order to see something.

[00:22:20] It's a whole string of little suspences. It's almost like theatre. And I mean, I don't know if you remember being read the Jolly Postman Meg, but like it did feel a bit like theatre, right? Well, it depends how well my parents did it, to be honest.

[00:22:34] This is the fourth fucking time where you just go to sleep. But they do a lot of their books feel like more, they're like more like experiences. So Janet died aged 50 from cancer. Oh, that's sad. It is sad. Alan is now remarried to his editor.

[00:22:57] Keeping it in the business. Keeping it in the business. After she died, he didn't write for a long time, but then he decided to write a book called Janet's Last Book. So he distributed that to family and friends. I think there's about 500 copies that exist.

[00:23:15] I listened to his Desert Island Discs, which is a lovely episode of Desert Island Discs. But I will say he's one of those. You know when people on Desert Island Discs choose like clever, clever songs that you've never heard of? Yeah.

[00:23:34] What was your friend? What did she do? If I've got to listen to one song for the rest of my life, it might as well be repetitive. Yeah. When I was at college, I did creative writing and our creative writing teacher made us do Desert Island Discs,

[00:23:46] but like just one song. And a girl in my class chose Around the World by Daphne Punk and her reasoning was if I have to listen to the same song for the rest of my life, it might as well already be repetitive,

[00:23:57] which is kind of a really good point. Clever ones. So he was choosing like you know, an opera one and a show tune you never heard, like all of these things.

[00:24:08] But the ultimate one that he chose, you know how at the end of Desert Island Discs you have to like... Yeah. I chose one of my favorite songs, which is a Lena Cohen song called Closing Time.

[00:24:20] And I was like yeah, you chose the one that I know and it's really good. So I was happy with that. And he just seems like the nicest person in the whole world. He's very good friends with Raymond Briggs, the children's author connection.

[00:24:37] And they were kind of a children's literature power couple. Oh my God, imagine if this lot had got together with the Bagpiz lot. Yeah. Can you imagine? That would be amazing. This reminds me a little bit of some...

[00:24:49] My cousin, he really wants to be an author when he grows up. He's nine and he has a friend at school who really wants to be an illustrator when he grows up.

[00:25:00] So he came up to me and he was like, Laura I've got a plan because this guy, he really wants to be an illustrator. So we're all going to work together and we're going to do comics. We're going to do graphic novels.

[00:25:09] And he showed me one that they'd already started working on together. It was okay. He's nine. So funny bones, it was written by both of them, but it was illustrated not by Janet, but by an illustrator and animator called Andre Amstutz.

[00:25:38] So he doesn't sound... he sounds like Austrian or something, doesn't he? But he's English and he trained at Brighton School of Art during the Second World War. He became an animator, an illustrator and a graphic designer. And if you look up Advert by Andre Amstutz, they're really cool.

[00:26:02] They're like very sort of 40s, 50s kind of geometric. Oh yeah. They're very cool. Like what's his name? Who did all of Hitchhawks posters? Sol Bass. Yeah, like him? Yeah, you're right. They're very Sol Bass. There's very little information to be found about him online.

[00:26:22] I could barely find anything but he illustrated and animated funny bones. And another thing, the other semi-famous thing that he's worked on is a series of ten shorts from 1950 called The Magic Paint Box. So do you have heard of that? Yes, I actually... yeah, for once, yeah.

[00:26:45] I hadn't. Can you tell me more about that? No, I just haven't heard about it. Oh okay, so... I think I've seen it. It feels like something I watched at my nan's house.

[00:26:55] So basically it was a series of ten shorts from 1948 to 1950 about various parts of the UK. So there's like a Cornwall episode, there's an Irish episode but I'm not sure where in Ireland. There's a London episode and they're all, I think, all non-verbal.

[00:27:13] And you know the way that sort of 50s cartoons look? They're kind of horrifying and kind of beautiful. Yeah. They're very, very cool. They're very, very horrifying and very, very beautiful. That's the 50s.

[00:27:30] The only one I could actually find was the London one and I gave it a watch and it's awesome. It's really cool. So basically a Disney animator called David Hand, he moved to the UK and set up a company called Gamont British Animation

[00:27:48] and they're the ones that made the musical paint box. He is an American, he's actually in the sort of Disney Hall of Fame sort of list of animators. What was it? Magic paint box? Isn't dissimilar at least in my head to like Snow White background?

[00:28:06] It's a little more grainy and scratchy than like Snow White's quite smooth isn't it? Right, yeah. It's more Soviet looking. Yeah. Okay, I see what you mean. So Andre Amstutz was one of the animators on the Magic Paint Box. So that's him.

[00:28:23] I don't know why it wasn't illustrated by Janet, the books, but it wasn't. Maybe just because I mean, I am not often my head very familiar with her style, but the style of Funny Bones is so much a part of it.

[00:28:37] I wonder if like they needed to do a departure from her more intricate because it's not intricate, right? It's quite bold. Yeah. So I think they needed that departure because if you're doing Skeletons intricately, it's going to take fucking ages. They don't look anything like Skeletons.

[00:28:51] They're very rounded. They're very squishy looking. They're very squishy looking. In fact there's one bit where the dog bites down on a dinosaur's tail bone or whatever and it literally squids in like a pillar. Yeah. It's stomp! Why did you bite my tail? I only wanted to play.

[00:29:18] He thought you wanted to hurt us. Why would I do that? I just wanted to be friends. All right, let's be friends. Good idea. Woof! In a dark, dark town on a dark, dark street, three Skeletons say goodbye to their new friend.

[00:29:40] Come back soon and next time don't forget to bring dog. Woof! So the most famous, well the first funny bones book and I didn't think I'd read it but I found a PDF of it and I was like oh I totally remember this. What shall we do tonight?

[00:29:58] Let's go out and frighten somebody. Good idea. Woof! We're going out to frighten somebody. Two Skeletons decide oh it's nighttime let's go find some people to scare and they find that all the people are in bed so they're like let's scare each other.

[00:30:17] So they do and hilarity ensues. They sing a song, well they sing Den Bones while they're putting their dog back together. That's a frequent occurrence in this series that their dog keeps falling apart and they keep putting their dog back together in like the wrong place.

[00:30:36] Many people including them fall apart. You need some good like osteologists around. Oh dear, oh dear what have we here? It's my head, mine as well. I ought to do it. Now no more bumps in the night. The TV show very faithfully follows the books

[00:31:01] like there are certain bits left out to keep it within five minutes but it's almost exactly the same. That's cool. Yeah. There's no one to frighten anywhere. What shall we do now? Let's frighten each other. Good idea. Woff! Did I frighten you? No, sorry. Now I'll frighten you.

[00:31:34] Yeeeeeeeahhhhhh Frightened? No. Woff! But there is an errator. The moon is the one that... I love that, I love that the moon's an errator and there's a snowy episode where the moon's wearing a hat. Awwww. Yeah, the moon is called Moonman. That's the official name of the moon.

[00:31:58] So I thought the moon was just involved in the song at the beginning but no. Shall we sing it? It's so in my head. In a dark, dark street, in a dark, dark town, in a dark, dark street, in a dark, dark house, down some dark, dark stairs,

[00:32:14] in a dark, dark cellar. Some skeletons lived. There was a big skeleton, a small skeleton and a dark skeleton. That was so so. That wasn't very good. In a dark, dark town. Yeah. So what are everyone's thoughts about Funny Boats? I personally loved it.

[00:32:38] I definitely had the books, I definitely read the books, I definitely watched the TV show and yeah, I thought it was really good to really enjoyed it. I don't recollect it. It feels like I definitely would have watched it because it's like right up the things

[00:32:53] I would have loved as a kid, especially that the books... I thought it was really charming. Yeah. Like really charming. It is. Like something that was never that funny but the more it got repeated as I was binging all 12 episodes like it kept getting funnier

[00:33:10] was the quote, unquote joke about good night big but they're actually waking up. Yeah. Good morning and they're going to bed. It's like, it's opposite day because they're all dead. On a dark, dark night in a dark, dark house in a dark, dark cellar three skeletons

[00:33:32] waking up to start the night. Good night big. Good night dog. Hello. Come on you two get up. I thought that was so cute. I think that big sounds like he's from Only Fools and Horses and I think that small sounds like

[00:33:55] the duck one from Don't Hug Me I'm Scared. Yes. As far back as I can remember I always knew I deserved to be dead but I was like why is this cockney skeleton like all he says is good idea. Good idea. Small.

[00:34:16] That is a catch phrase, good idea. Good idea. Let's go to the park. Good idea. Let's go home. Good idea. Let's go to the midnight fair. Good idea. He sounds like he's going to rob you. He sounds like he's going to sell you a dungeon cart.

[00:34:34] In the Wikipedia page it says big catchphrase is good idea. Little is the brains of the operation. Dog's catchphrase is woof. Cat's catchphrase is meow. I'll be fully honest. The big and little fucking thick as pig shit. Neither of them have a good idea between them.

[00:34:55] Dog has all the good ideas. Cat is the only flesh character. No, actually we rewound one of the episodes as a duck. I was watching it with Meg today and there was like monster creatures and there's a duck and cat. So it's like they aren't the only fleshless.

[00:35:12] Well you can't frighten anyone. You're not a skeleton. Woof. Are we going to acknowledge the obvious? Well I think we should. Well apparently they're brothers. You Elsie, they are reportedly brothers. Historians said they were friends. I've got notes on this. So number one, they look nothing alike.

[00:35:47] Are you kidding me? The only reason one wears a hat is to differentiate. One is really small, one is really big, one has a round nose, one has a triangular nose. Number two, they're not from the same place. That's true.

[00:36:05] Number three, they share a bed with the dog they own together. They're gay man. They're married man. That is husband and husband. We've had people message us about this as well. So I do think the original gay couple on Kids TV. Is it Sesame Street?

[00:36:27] Do these guys predate Burton only? They do not. So this is the original British. Well maybe. Was 1980, when did Sesame Street start? When did Sesame Street start? Burton only was definitely first. 69 was Sesame Street. But the thing is Burton only don't share a bed.

[00:36:51] I thought it was twin beds. No, they have two beds in the same room. No, they share a bed. They do not. I can't believe I'm going to Google Burton only bedroom. They share a bed. No, it's two twin beds. Really?

[00:37:07] Trust me, I know what I'm talking about when it comes to Burton. I'm sure that they shared a bed. It's two twins. Yeah, you're right. It's two twins. You're thinking of the skeletons. So at least it's like plausible deniability with funny bones. They're like...

[00:37:27] Do you mean Burton only? Sorry, with Burton only they're like a Victorian couple. We wonder if people who live near us think that we're a threeple. People definitely think we're a mega couple. Yeah, you're seen more, you're seen together more frequently.

[00:37:42] I don't know why that is but you are. Don't lie mate. Don't actually lie. Look, it's because Laura is more available than you. Yeah, I know. She's so available guys. Have her. Don't have her. She's shaking her head aggressively. She does not want to be had.

[00:38:03] As we discussed earlier... Wait no, we didn't discuss how much I smell earlier. We can shower today so I smell really bad today. You're really selling yourself mate. She's awful. She's smelly and she's ours. Yeah, that is so true. Get your hands off my Laura.

[00:38:23] Anyway, so they're a gay couple. They have a dog together. Yeah, for sure. They've named the dog dog. Well they've named big, big and little, little. Or is it small? I swear, I think it's... I think it's small? God, I don't even know. This is terrible!

[00:38:39] I don't think skeleton sex works. Loudly. Like this. Like this. This is how skeleton sex works. You'll need to cut this out anyway because people didn't like it when we suggested that the tots from TOTV be... They don't like it when we talk about people having relationships

[00:39:03] because it's well known that children don't know about relationships and it's dirty and immoral. We were called pedophiles for suggesting that there was something of a frisson between Tilly and Tom. Yeah, ridiculous. Ridiculous. They didn't share a bed, they were children.

[00:39:23] These barns share a bed and are clearly adults. But it's funny! Oh you're so funny. They're clearly adults, right? And they share a bed and a dog. It's big and little. Sex would be so dry. Loud. Try and loud, say. Like this.

[00:39:49] That's even too soft, it would be harsher than that wouldn't it? Yeah. It's two sticks. Because that is how gay sex works even in real life. Laura there, the sound effect you just heard was her hitting her phone against a wine glass?

[00:40:11] That was the smartest thing she's ever done in a line. She's well known for smashing things and she thought that would be a good idea. Oh my god, there was a week where I think I broke three plates recently.

[00:40:23] She once came into my room when I was about, I was literally 10 minutes from leaving the house to go on holiday and she came in with a glass of coffee and a glass straw. And I'm not being funny, I saw it happening before it even happened

[00:40:39] and then the straw fell out of this glass and smashed all over my bedroom floor. And so I was like getting changed to leave the house. She was hoovering my floor and picking shots of glass up, it was so stressful.

[00:40:55] When Meg and I went to vote in the local elections, Meg had her polling card. And you had mine. And I for some reason had Laura's, I didn't even notice until I got to the polling station. And on the wall outside our top floor flat,

[00:41:11] Meg placed her polling card on the wall. And I put my key on it. No, you didn't. No, I did. I put my key on it as I waited for you to come out of the house. It was a breezy day.

[00:41:22] And then Elsie came out of the house and I lifted the key off the polling card. And I looked at the polling card still like getting my stuff. And I was like, why has she done that? It's definitely going to blow her mind.

[00:41:34] I turned around to lock the house up and then the polling card wasn't there when I turned back around. As I remember it, you actually reached for the polling card and the wind took it first. Really? Yeah, I think so.

[00:41:45] Yeah, and then it was on the street below and I had to run around looking for it. And I go, no, you don't need it. But I didn't want a thing with my name and address flying around all over the place. Yeah.

[00:41:57] And then we got to the polling station and I handed them my polling card and ID and they told me where to go. And Elsie handed them Laura's polling card. And my ID. Her ID which didn't match. Feared up with dog. Me too.

[00:42:19] All he does is dig holes. Woof. End bark. I know. Let's go to the pet shop and swap him. I want to go for a wee, sorry. Stretch. Mid podcast stretch. Yeah, we just went for a little wee break. And then stretch because we're getting old.

[00:42:37] Yeah, I did a shit all right. She went well and looked at me like I've done something disgusting. Which is true. I did a shit yet. She came back and she said, I see another shit in my future. Hopefully everyone sees another shit in their future.

[00:42:53] Yeah, you never know when it'll be your last shit. Do you always have another shit in your future? What did our friends say? How's your head going to feel if you haven't put food for two days? Yes. We're going to the podmata. We've definitely spoken about this.

[00:43:10] So we don't need to say that again. How's your head going to feel if you haven't put food for two days? It's all connected. It's all connected. Wise, Bartha. As we learned from Dem bones, the toe bones connected to the foot bone. Which connects to the leg bone.

[00:43:25] Which connects to the knee bone. Which connects to another leg bone. Thigh bone then hip bone then. Spine? I don't know. Back bone. Back bone. Spine. That's the right hand. If you've got no arms or head. Or ribs. Yeah. These bones, these bones can park again. Woof, woof.

[00:43:52] Can run around in the park again. Can cry to people in the dark again. Woof, woof, woof, woof. These bones, these bones, these bones. Woof. I love how. Just legs walking. I love how everyone's dead in this show. So like, no, not everyone's dead. Cat?

[00:44:17] And there's a few monsters. And there's ghosts. They're dead. They're skeletons. I see a ghost. I thought you were a ghost. And you were scared, weren't you? Me, scared of a ghost, never. I wouldn't be scared if I saw a whole town full of ghosts. We're here.

[00:44:48] Where's here? Luke. Ghosts. Come on, B. There's nothing to be scared of. Yeah. Well, how is it? So in this show, ghosts and skeletons are like a different species. Yeah. It's like vampires versus wolves, isn't it? But one's non-corporal. Yeah.

[00:45:15] Surely they might, the skeletons and ghosts might be interacting with themselves. Ooh. Yes, that's how they sound. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

[00:45:29] Well surely for the skeleton to be animated, the ghost, the soul would have to stay with it. So what's the rules then? Yeah, I know. I do have a lot of questions about this world because there's monsters with goolies and then there's ghosts. And a talking moon.

[00:45:44] Don't forget the talking moon. And a talking moon. Moon man. Moon man and a duck and a cat and dinosaurs. I know, I know. Let's go to the dinosaur museum. What? I love that when they go, so there's an episode where they're deciding what should we do tonight

[00:46:04] and they decide to go to the dinosaur museum and obviously the dinosaur skeletons are alive. I said to Meg, why are some skeletons stationary or like dead and some alive and then they started chasing them around?

[00:46:19] So yeah, I love it when the dog like digs up a bone. Like there's lots of dog bee plots where the dog's just trying to get a bone because it's like a cartoon dog for four year olds. Yes.

[00:46:31] And it's like if in, so if you translate that story to our flesh world that would be like us having a dog that digs up like a hand, like a fleshy hand. Yeah, I was saying to Meg, I was like this is a bit weird.

[00:46:44] He's eating what he's made of. Like it's weird. Yeah, it's a little weird. It's probably not a dog bone that he's eating. No, that's true. But they also, he just trumps into the bone and eats straight bone. Yeah, because he's bone. Where does it go? Internet. Isn't it?

[00:47:04] Crumbles through. Crumbles through. Yeah, just strengthens his already existing bones. Calcified. So the dinosaur museum is actually just like a dinosaur hostel because they're all just living there. And then there's displays with bits of bones which would be like walking through a fucking morgue.

[00:47:22] Little, what are you doing? We're going to the city. The city? Oh, not the city. Can't we just go for a nice piece for walking the country? Off. No, that's much too boring. We need bright lights, noise, excitement. Tonight we're going to the city.

[00:47:41] Don't you just love the city? No. I can't wait to get there. Do you get the same vibe from their relationship that you do from Big Cook, Little Cook? Because it's kind of gently antagonistic in a way that has a much darker undertone.

[00:48:06] It's like, oh, you're joking that you don't like each other because you actually don't like each other. I said that this feels like Big Cook and Little Cook in the afterlife. Yeah, she did. I also kind of, they kind of feel like Steve Pemberton and Reeshears.

[00:48:21] Oh my God, you're so right. If they fucked. Steve Pemberton and Reeshears. Yeah, that's so funny. Which one? Cockney. Which one? Which was which? Big is Steve Pemberton and Little is Reeshears. The slightly grumpy, more bossy one. That makes sense. Yeah. Good idea.

[00:48:44] Steve Pemberton has definitely done a character with the light, the... Yeah, David Sauerbutts is very weird. David from Psychoville, very much. Yes, that's what I'm trying to say. I've done five murders. You've done five murders. Right. Three men, two ladies.

[00:49:07] I love the fact that there's no living people in it. But I was saying to Laura, it's really funny because it's always at night but they're always in bed. It's like is, am I supposed to think that this is the morning? Because... Yeah.

[00:49:19] Yeah, so their daytime is our nighttime. So... But they never wake up to like an alarm or anything. They're always asleep and something. I think the moon wakes them up with the song. Yeah, like something wakes them up and it's like, do you just... Do you have jobs?

[00:49:33] There's the afterlife, hopefully. Yeah, but there's a baby. Sorry. There's a train. There's a tube. And a London. And clubs. Yeah, the episode where it's called Into the City or Big City or something. And I love this episode because usually there's like a couple of characters

[00:49:52] and they're not even human skeletons, they're like animals. They're like into the city, they get on the tube and it's full of skeletons and we put this clip on our Instagram and we captioned it London If Everyone Was Dead.

[00:50:08] Which we thought was hilarious but none of you did. So my point here is if there's skeletons in London why are there skeleton jobs? Why is there just skeleton infrastructure? Yeah. How are they paying for this? They're just jobs I lay about. That's what I'm saying.

[00:50:24] Yeah, quite possibly. That's why they live in a cellar. They're trying to keep whatever money they've got stretched for as long as possible. It's really weird because the intro takes you down into a cellar but their house is clearly not a cellar. It's a special window.

[00:50:35] So they go down... No cellars have windows. You go in the front door, down the stairs, past another front door and a window into the cellar. Confusing. Yeah. It's like it looks like quite a terrifying big old house. Yeah. It kind of looks like a tower.

[00:50:53] When it's going through the streets of this village, the village looks very European. Yeah. Like it looks very like Belgian, like Northern French. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It doesn't look... Wouldn't be out of place in a jibbly movie. No, exactly.

[00:51:13] It kind of reminds me of the London of the 101 Dalmatians movie. The dog barks exactly like some of those dogs. Yeah. Exactly. Well, because it's a human doing it. Yes. I use griffory strips. Yeah. I love the style. Me too. I love it.

[00:51:30] I love the aesthetic all of it. It's so nice and so differently colourful if that makes sense. Yeah. You'd think it would be quite grim to watch because it's always set at night but none of it feels oppressive the way that very dark things do.

[00:51:46] It's very, very flat and I think that's how they get away with it because there's a lot of black in the show. A lot of black. But no shadows. The rest is just bright colours which I quite like. Yeah, it's like it's lit up.

[00:51:57] It's almost like you did it with felt tip pens. Yeah. Probably did. Yeah. It reminds me so much of the afterlife in the corpse bread. So much. Yeah, the skeleton underworld. Yeah. There's no wonder Freudian. We can't even Freudian each other. Let's go. Good-bye.

[00:52:21] Through a dark, dark town. Down a dark, dark street. To a dark, dark house. Three scared, scared skeletons. Run all the way home. That was fun. That was fun. Wolf. Well done, cat. I was wrong when I said you couldn't frighten anyone. You're the scariest cat there is.

[00:52:46] Meow. I like how the animal skeletons. Because there's an episode called Pet Shop. Yeah. I love it. The rabbits. The dog is pissing them off. And they straight up just say, I don't like dog. Let's get a new pet.

[00:53:03] So they take the dog to the pet shop and like, I can give you pet please. Good idea. With this little bowl I have a fascinator thing. Barely balances on that. There's someone working in a pet store. So yeah, there's fucking jobs. Yeah.

[00:53:16] So the pet shop owner is like, right I've got the perfect pet for you and gives them like a budgie and they're like, this does nothing. We want a different, like they're not, it's a very cruel to animals episode. Yes it is. Very callous.

[00:53:32] The first one is a fish. The first one is a fish. And they say, roll over. And it does nothing. Yeah. This does nothing. Right. Now we have a nice, quiet goatfish. What shall we call it? How about finny? Oh, that's good. Roll over finny. Sit finny, sit.

[00:53:54] I'm fed up with this goatfish. Me too. All it does is blow bubbles and swim. Let's swap it for another pet. Good idea. There's no commerce though. You know they don't pay for any of these pets. We don't know that. That's a five minutes.

[00:54:09] We don't get to see everyone. True we don't get to witness any transactions. Yeah even in films or a lot of the time you don't see people paying for things because that's not interesting.

[00:54:17] You don't see people like going for a shower because you just assume they do it. If you see someone going for a shower in a film, they're about to die. They're about to be murdered.

[00:54:25] I watched someone do like a challenge once they were reading a series of books. They were like, I'm gonna shower and eat every time the character in this shower or eats. And they were like, they made it very short of that time.

[00:54:35] What's a horrendous way to engage with media? Yeah. And they were like, I think I nearly died. I was doing my masters, one of the lecturers or someone who came in to talk to us said,

[00:54:48] once you start noticing how often people get in and out of cars in like TV and film, you don't stop noticing it. Especially procedural. Yeah and it is so true that so much screen time is someone getting in or getting out of a car. There's so many doorways.

[00:55:05] Just constant. Add energy and add movement. Well, because you've got to get from place to A to B anyway. And you might as well have dialogue while they're doing it. Yes. And it's also like it breaks everything up, right?

[00:55:17] It's not just like loads of stuff happening in one place. It makes sense. But once you start noticing it, there's an awful lot of car time. Who is it? It's like Jane Austen is just a bunch of people visiting each other's houses.

[00:55:28] Just the old half version of getting in and out of cars is getting out of carriages. But I like in this animal episode how obviously for ease of drawing and animating and for not scaring the kids and to make the animal look recognizable,

[00:55:45] the animal skeletons are like the animal as bone as normal but white. Yeah. Like full bone. Yeah because the bunny, they get a bunny at one point and the ears are fully calcified bones. It then jumps behind a sofa and reproduces.

[00:56:03] And they go, oh it's not a boy bunny. I'm like that's not how that works folks. Yeah it's like one, it runs off and then there was loads of rabbits and they're like, oh it's a she. And it's like okay so what's the rules on reproduction in this?

[00:56:18] So is it asexual reproduction if you can just... Clearly it was impregnated back at the pet shop by one of the boy skeleton rabbits. Imagine if bones reproduced, how terrifying would that be? Oh Laura just pointed to her teeth in quite a scary way.

[00:56:35] They're not exactly bones though are they? And they don't exactly reproduce like you've got one chance really. Yeah well I suppose if you break a bone it regrows. I suppose it does yeah. But it doesn't multiply yet.

[00:56:47] Like if you broke a bone in half and like it grew two ends. Like a new one. Yeah you cut an arm in half and a bit of bone just grew horrible. It's a good job it doesn't happen like that. You can get tumors.

[00:57:02] This is horrible isn't it? They're full of like things that have a place in your body that like teeth and hair. Yeah I knew that they're called terraformers or something. Yeah they're absolutely... Cause you could just like oh we need to remove this cyst or whatever

[00:57:20] and they cut it open and it's full of teeth and like that's horrible. It's like genuinely nightmare. Why? Why does our body do so many horrendous things? There's an episode called Wishbone where the dog digs up a giant wishbone. Humongous. It's as big as big.

[00:57:38] Think of how big that turkey would have to be. Right Jesus Christ. The monster turkey. And they're like fighting over what their wish should be and they're coming up with different scenarios like we could be kings. We could be astronauts. And they can't decide.

[00:57:57] He gets a big really wants to go to the moon. He's like I want to go to the moon. Surely if you asked nicely he'd come down and let you. Aww. Big nose. Big nose that the moon talks. That's the biggest thing that's stupid for thinking that.

[00:58:14] But big can see and big can hear. Aww. Oh my God can you imagine if you were the only person that could hear the moon? Jesus Christ. That's, we should write that. That's like a creepypasta. You know there are things you can take to make that happen.

[00:58:34] Could make that a joint experience though. You could try. You never know. I've never heard a tweet once that was a guy, I don't know if it was a tweet or if it was like a screenshot of a Reddit thread.

[00:58:46] But it's like a guy saying he'd taken acid and during his acid trip he'd, um, his dog had said to him that is the name he'd called it wasn't his name and this was his name. And when his acid, when his acid trip was over

[00:59:04] his dog would only respond to the name that he'd said, no, he's called me this. No. Holy shit. Jesus Christ. Like I mean either, either dogs can talk or, um, He's spent his acid trip retraining.

[00:59:36] There's an episode of Rikimori where they're looking for like a new planet to live on and they get on this one planet and then the sun rises and they're like, oh, this seems nice. But the sun as it's rising is going. Ahhhh.

[00:59:45] They're like, no, we have to go. Tell me about the hum. You were the hum? The hum, yeah. Really? Because this is kind of like hearing. I love the hum. Hearing the moon is a similar vibe to the hum. And I've forgotten exactly what the hum is.

[01:00:03] Well, it's something that some people can hear and some people can't. And like for, it's really variable. It's very Lovecraftian. It's very Lovecraftian. There's like some people who think it's power lines and stuff like that. We don't know what it is. Is it tinnitus? Tonitis? Whatever.

[01:00:19] We don't know because like I think these, like there's definitely people who can hear the hum and have been checked for tinnitus and they don't have tinnitus. So it seems massive because if it was just tinnitus and it was just like, oh, you have tinnitus, right? Yeah.

[01:00:32] But some people are like, when they go to a certain area, they can hear it. So they move and they can't hear. Other people just hear it all the time. It makes some people deeply unwell.

[01:00:40] So there are some people walking this earth that can hear some sort of not wavelength because we don't know what it is, but are tuned into a noise and no one knows what that noise is. It's very SCP. Is that the? What's that? Is that the correct thing?

[01:00:57] No, it's too complicated and big. I just want. Okay. I don't bother then. Yeah. Fine. To be fair, if you are hearing it, then it is a wavelength. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. You got me there. She's fully right. I'm learning so much about wavelengths recently.

[01:01:13] So I can tell you she is crazy. I mean, to be honest, Laura, sound is a wavelength is something you should have learned in school. It should have taken you to your PhD to learn something that fucking 13 years old.

[01:01:26] If a tree falls in the forest, but nobody's there to hear it, is there a sound that makes you so mad? It's a bloody good question. It is a bloody good question. It isn't. Of course, there's a fucking sound. But it makes you so mad.

[01:01:37] If there's nothing there to receive the sound, nothing here, nothing hears it. But it's still per the definition of sound, but it doesn't make a sound because nothing receives the wavelength. It is just a wavelength. But that is what sound is. Yes. I know. But no one here.

[01:01:54] I can. I know what you're saying. Yeah. And I know what everyone else. I understand the multiple perspectives on it. I just, if there's a wavelength, thus there is a sound, right? Right. So in space, nobody can hear you. Yeah. If some, yeah.

[01:02:10] In space, no one can hear you in space. If something makes a sound, but there is, there's still a wavelength, but there is nothing for it to travel through. Did it make a sound? Yeah. But the forest presumably on earth. No, I know. I'm asking you a different.

[01:02:23] You responded to me with something I didn't ask. That's very fair. And because the wavelength could not travel, it could not operate as a wavelength. Thus, no, there's no sound. Well, I didn't want this podcast to devolve into faux intellectual uni student questions. Twhats. Yeah.

[01:02:41] Sorry, should we start doing the trolley problem? Meg has a version. No, she's talking about putting funny bones. I don't know. It's a mystery. All it says on the invitation is come to a party at the end of the mystery tour.

[01:03:06] When is the mystery tour going to start then? I don't know. It's a mystery. What is a mystery tour? I don't know. It's a mystery. How do we think that those two skeletons ended up being dead in that basement? Because... Oh, Jesus Christ.

[01:03:24] They either died at the same time and stayed there decaying, or one of them died and the other one decided to go and die in that same place. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Their partner died. Killed and dumped in a basement and got together in the afterlife. I think...

[01:03:43] Oh, do you think they weren't together in... Yeah. Who says they weren't? I think it's an afterlife thing, like in corpse bride, and they woke up there, met there, got together there, and their whole life together has all been just afterlife.

[01:03:56] So it's not a love a suicide pact? Oh, God, no, Jesus. It's love the one you're with. Nice. They do have friends there. Remember they go to that party... Yeah, that pride coming out party. They go to a party. Yeah, there's a party one where it's like...

[01:04:11] What's it called? They're in a car at the beginning and then they're looking for balloons. It's like solving clues to get an it's a surprise party at the end of it. It's really cute. Yeah, they do. Party! You found us. You solved the mystery.

[01:04:31] We're good at solving mysteries, aren't we? Without a doubt, rough. Good. It's not just them in this world. As we know there's fucking loads of people in skeleton London. The answer is round. The impact is actually busier than regular London because it's everyone that's ever been there.

[01:04:49] Yeah, fuck. Oh, Jesus. Unless you've got a whole... It's packed. Unless you've got a whole like... Underworld London and you can choose where you live. That's true because clearly some people become ghosts instead of talking skeletons. It is interesting as well, doesn't it?

[01:05:04] I love these like philosophical questions that the creators are no way intended for anyone to talk about but it's like, but why ghost and why skeleton? I like the idea that things like this make kids less scared about... Of death. Yeah, about...

[01:05:20] I think that this is something that would have... I mean, I definitely watched it but I get it. Like, I'm really scared of death. I like watching the talking skeletons because he... Has anyone ever found skeletons scary?

[01:05:34] Because there's lots of like classic horror things where the idea of them is quite scary to me. Like certain types of ghosts, like in certain versions of... The exorcist. Wait, no, that's not ghosts. What? That's demons. Demons, the poltergeist or something. Yeah.

[01:05:53] But like there's no way for a skeleton to not be like goofy and camp. Like I don't know how you can actually make a skeleton scary. I concur, yeah. Like I've never... Well, I also started watching like crime shows really young.

[01:06:09] Like they come with their own cute little music. They have to be strung up. If you can't stand on your own two feet then... You're not, you know. I find them like morbidly fascinating.

[01:06:24] I remember when I was like 15 we went on a family trip to London and we went to Highgate. And Highgate has got catacombs. And I remember being taken in there and the guide being like... Oh, so there's... If you don't...

[01:06:47] You won't see anything because the like the bony bits, cordoned off or whatever. Some of you may know more about Highgate than I do. And I was nearly 10 years ago so I don't really remember.

[01:06:58] But she was like if you don't really want to see anything don't like look too hard because a lot of these coffins are kind of disintegrating. And I did not want to see a real life skeleton. And yeah, I was still looking for one.

[01:07:15] I've still like any skulls around that I can see. The guy that invented X-rays, the first X-ray he ever did was on his wife's hand. And he did it sort of as a gift to her and she hated it. She really hated it.

[01:07:30] She was like that's really unsettling and I hear her. Yeah, I would gift. I don't know, I've always found them fascinating. You're the fake ones in the back of the classrooms and stuff. And then I went to a catacombs when I was in Rome and...

[01:07:46] Yeah those ones are a bit more than the ones in Highgate. So we went... She's stucks her bones isn't it? No, so it was cubbies. You'll think of the Paris ones that are just like walls made of skulls.

[01:07:58] We went down and she was like I'm sorry to tell everyone there's no skeletons down here because tourists kept nicking bones so we took them all out. And I'm like Jesus fucking Christ! What did you bring home from Rome? Oh some guys' bone. Yeah this is a finger.

[01:08:15] What? They were like yeah because they're like open cubbies. There weren't like coffins, this was too old for that. And so as you're walking through it you could if they were there put it in your bag. Just nick it off the side. I wouldn't want to touch it.

[01:08:29] I wouldn't want to like... Yeah I know if it is on a you know ethical level a bit that's a part of a... So that was once a person. That was once a person.

[01:08:42] And you've just stolen a part of their body that was not for you to steal. Also why do you want to touch it? It's a recipe for a haunting. It's a recipe for a haunting for sure or a curse. But also like...

[01:08:53] You get cursed and you've only got yourself to blame mate. You've got like all the ethical stuff but it's also like it is illegal to transport. If you were... If I flew back to the UK with a bone in my back they'd be like, this isn't allowed.

[01:09:05] This is illegal. It is actually illegal to do that. So it would be taken off of you anyway. But also like the other part of the academic part of me is like these are here for to some extent now for archaeological study to learn about these people.

[01:09:18] You've also just damaged that part of it as well. It's like just leave. So they were like if people keep doing this no bones no one can see any of these bones. Fair enough. Yeah. They should have caged them. They couldn't. Like there's too much... Really?

[01:09:33] It's massive catacombs. They haven't even cleared all of it and it's just too big for them to do that. It would be too expensive. Yeah. So they were just like no bones for anyone. Right no one's having any.

[01:09:45] I can't imagine me in the kind of person that would look at someone else's bone and be like yeah I'm going off that. I want it. Sorry. I don't need that. I understand if it's like a Catholic relic or something.

[01:09:57] Well yeah so in this catacombs the saint Cecilia she was in a tomb though so like you couldn't just access her bones but the creepy... It's very on topic to go on tandoons about dead bodies for this particular show but

[01:10:10] I was in St Peter's in Rome and they have decomposing popes on display. Nice. Which is really alarming to see. Bones is one thing but it's like they're not bones yet. I can see their decomposing flesh and I'm like cool. Great.

[01:10:29] I'm not going to go over there where the statues are. Yeah. You'd hate it. I think we are going to have to put a trigger warning on this episode for discussion of death and decomposing. People don't like talking about it. That's fair. I am fair.

[01:10:49] I was a friend who is Italian but grew up in the UK and went to her first Italian funeral and it was an open casket and all of her cousins were like oh yeah, yeah, yeah. She was like what the fuck. No thanks.

[01:11:03] I know that she's Italian but she didn't grow up in that kind of culture. It's totally normal in loads of cultures and we're very like what? I don't want to see a dead body today. Yeah we are very weird about it. I think it's fairly sensible.

[01:11:19] I don't think that's weird to not want to see a dead body. Yeah. I don't know, I guess it's the perspective that you put on it because on the one hand

[01:11:30] I don't want to see a dead body but on the other hand that is a person that I know and love and it shouldn't weird me out like it does. Well I think for me the reason it would weird me out is because I would look at

[01:11:42] them and it would deeply sadden me that they're not going to open their eyes. Yeah. Like that's the thing that would make me pull back because it's like I don't want to see you in this, there's not how I want to remember you.

[01:11:54] And it often doesn't look exactly like them anymore. Yeah. It's different. So I'm good to not have this memory of you. Have either of you ever actually seen a dead body? Apart from like the decomposing post. There was a museum in Hull that used to have mummies.

[01:12:12] I mean like a dead body. Yeah. Only animals and museum people like never just a straight up dead body. I don't jog in the morning you see. That is one thing that you like used to really terrify me because yeah a lot of

[01:12:29] bodies are found by early morning runners or dog walkers and I don't go for early morning runs in London but when I used to like him in my hometown it was something that we used to really scare me.

[01:12:44] Someone told me that they were picking up the ashes of someone that was cremated and they said something that you don't consider is how heavy they are because it's still a whole person. And there's a lot of... I think we talked about this very recently. Yeah we did.

[01:13:04] Yeah we did. Well to each other. No no no we did. Oh on Mike. Yeah. Right. I think I'm getting boring. No no no not that. I just you saying those exact words I was like I've heard this in this exact position before. No I've never...

[01:13:18] I don't know how much ashes weigh. Well about the weight of a person. I don't really lift up my relatives. Well yeah because they're too heavy for that. Yeah. So heavy. Yeah. About 50 kilos. Also because urns are heavy.

[01:13:35] Yeah but yeah they give you loads of ashes don't they? Yeah. So here you go. I won't put this in. I might put this in. I don't know we've already spoken about League of Gentlemen enough but there was a storyline

[01:13:47] where one of the characters died and he didn't want to be cremated because he didn't like the idea of the remains of his genitals mixing with the remains of his face. Fair. Yeah. I don't want to be cremated. I don't like the idea of being dust.

[01:14:02] Do you not? No. I really don't like the idea of being in the cold ground for eternity. I would much rather be cremated personally. I like the idea of slowly decomposing. Guys you should see the face she made when she said that. She's a nation. She's grinning.

[01:14:20] I just feel like it's you know so this is good you know okay so I asked my colleague do you want kids and he said I don't I'm going somewhere with this. He said I don't know necessarily but I feel like if I didn't I'd be missing out

[01:14:34] on one of the huge experiences of what it is to be a human. Okay. Similarly I feel like your whole life you're preparing to die like not to be morbid about it but you know it's something that you always know and like if I didn't experience slowly

[01:14:55] decomposing over a matter of months but would you do it properly? Would you? The most important thing you did in your life was die. Would you experience you're not alive? No I know. You're like oh but it's what everyone else does so I should do it as well.

[01:15:12] I don't want to miss out. Would you go full not-embarmed paper thin coffin so you can properly decompose? Yeah but everyone does eventually even if you are embalmed. Yeah yeah but one's years, one's months. Well it doesn't really matter to me. Fair enough. People come a tree.

[01:15:30] I don't understand why people do get embalmed. Yeah I don't honestly I don't really either. It's like preserving you and I'm like why? I don't think we've fully discussed in enough detail what at what point did they wake up as skeletons? Well adults. Back to funny bones.

[01:15:51] At what point after their death and before their afterlife like were they you know I mean like when did that change occur? Yeah you gotta wait for their whole body to decompose before they can wake up as skeletons.

[01:16:03] And did one of them, did it happen to one of them first because that would have been quite you know. Well so in if we go by Corpse Bride rules she's slowly decomposing like she's slowly becoming a skeleton but she still has flesh because like her eyes coming

[01:16:19] out right and the older people in that world are all skeletons. So potentially but no one else in this none of the other skeletons are like because that would be so creepy or fleshy. Yeah they're all just dry skeletons right? That's a good question.

[01:16:35] I think I know what I would prefer just waking up as a full skeleton. Yeah yeah yeah. Yeah. Do you think the world is different? Do you think they woke up wearing their like extremely grubby baggy clothes? Oh yeah cause they're like naked probably not.

[01:16:52] I mean if they're wearing like cotton that decomposes faster than you do. Okay so I mean maybe this is taking it in a morbid direction I don't know but Oh cause we haven't already.

[01:17:03] Well no I know I'm just you know we got in trouble for suggesting that Tilly and Tom might be a couple I think this might take us in even more deep water I don't know. What really? Talking about death? I don't know.

[01:17:16] It's not like taboo everyone does it? Anyway they definitely fuck. Just a diverty from all the skeleton decomposition. And I do think that little is something of a dominating character. New definition of bono. Would you be fuming if you died and woke up as a skeleton?

[01:17:40] I could be kind of fuming about it. Would you rather be a ghost? I would rather be a ghost. I'd rather neither. Heaven. I would prefer to be a ghost I think. Yeah I think I would. There's limitations to being a skeleton. I'd rather be corporeal. Oh okay.

[01:18:00] So you'd rather be a skeleton? Yeah to be clear I'd rather be a physical body rather than a sheet. A sheet still physical? You know what I mean. Mind you one of the ghosts is wearing a hat that's drawn like it's real so.

[01:18:14] I would like to talk about another show. That it's a cartoon and it's kind of not really for kids or adults. It's sort of, I don't know who it's for. I've watched it and it made me feel sick.

[01:18:33] It was drawn in very sort of grungy sort of grimy, mushroomy green sort of colours. And it was on Channel 4 between real shows. So like five minutes each. And it was called Muran Butch Stanziger and it was about a character called Muran Butch Stanziger.

[01:18:55] And he lived in a basement which is why it put me in mind of this. Like very very simple animation and he had a kind of miserable squalid kind of little life in the basement. Sort of, have you just seen a picture of it? It's horrible.

[01:19:15] He looks like a potato with hair. It's horrible isn't it? I've seen this, yeah. I think he's quite cute. No, it's, I think the vibe of Muran Butch Stanziger is... He's got a little girlfriend. I don't think she's into him though that's the thing.

[01:19:31] Like he's disgusting and the colours of the show and the vibes of the show made me feel dirty. And I do prefer funny bones to this but I think in terms of visuals and the, I don't know the sort of vibe.

[01:19:47] I feel like there's something of a parallel there. I've not watched enough Muran Butch Stanziger because I hate it. It was a hot hot summer's day and Muran Butch Stanziger decided today things would be different.

[01:20:04] For one thing he wouldn't spend most of the morning wallowing in his bed drinking cups of coffee. And for another he would seriously start to clear away some of his bits and pieces which he'd been meaning to do for some time.

[01:20:22] He also decided that he would change completely his attitude towards his poor old cousin Rosetta. He would try to be nice to him. So he put aside a small bottle of Rosetta's favourite brandy but above all he would get out into the sunshine

[01:20:47] and not spend the whole day cooped up in his stuffy smelly crack. Anyone else's bones hurt at the end of the day? Laura, we had a break in the middle of recording and I stretched my legs out

[01:21:04] and Laura stretched her legs out onto me and she put her ankles on my shins. And I went ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch. It was like oh my god she's put bone on my bone and it really hurts. I'm only 25.

[01:21:19] I remember there was a period, this came down to just poor pillow arrangement but I remember I was waking up every single day with back pain and I just had to lie flat for 10 minutes before I started my day because of my back hurt so much. Steven.

[01:21:32] Oh my bones. Mine as well. Off. Send for Dr. Bones. Now this question would be different if we were boys but we're not boys we're girls. If you were a skeleton, which cartilage appendage would you miss the most? Oh my ears. Really? Oh my nose.

[01:21:54] Your nose would it? Right okay. What about you? Well I don't know. You don't have very many cartilage appendages. Well or like fleshy appendages or like something that isn't a... Great fleshy appendages. Fantastic. Which part of your flesh body would you miss the most? My eyeballs. My cart.

[01:22:15] My lungs. I think my bum. Sitting. Oh sitting would be so painful. Or maybe my boobs actually. Oh I forgot about boobs. Yeah I'd miss those if anything happened. I wouldn't. No? I'd finally be a skinny legend. I'd finally be free. Finally.

[01:22:35] I lost like weight quite rapidly a few years ago and it literally was just moving to the UK and suddenly walking. And I remember being like laying in bed and like I would get pain in my knees from them

[01:22:50] touching because there was less fat around my knees to cushion the bones. You need that fat you're cushioning on your knees Laura. And your butt as well. It's like it makes life more comfortable. Oh my god being a skeleton fucking sucks. I hate it.

[01:23:04] You don't have any nerves anymore right? So would you feel pain at all? I'd kind of miss my lips. Yeah because you'd just be exposed teeth. Oh yeah. You'd just... I'd be so self conscious. No tongue? How are they talking by the way? There's no tongue. Magic.

[01:23:21] Magic the moon fucking talks magic. Magic. Alright sorry. Silly silly dog. You mustn't chase cat. I've got an idea. Follow me. Oh it's all hello boo. Hello Mr Bonehead. We need a lead to the dog. He's been chasing cat. Silly silly silly dog.

[01:23:48] I thought that this episode would be like a sort of heartwarming retrospective on the works of Janet and Alan Alberg and their groundbreaking work in children's literature and their lovely partnership and just what nice people they are but no it's been death.

[01:24:09] It's been death bodily functions fleshy appendages. Is there anything you should know about us as a group so we can turn any topic into pissing death? We really can. We really fucking can. We should piss it and death on a show.

[01:24:24] Do you think that we over share on the internet? If anything we under share. Because I feel like... I keep so much back. Yeah I know I feel like I used to be very quiet and didn't talk about myself very much

[01:24:40] and then I went and did like a writing degree and I was like well really you know to get the most out of this I should just be as honest with people as I can possibly be

[01:24:50] and I don't know if I just took that too far because now I will I'm pretty much happy to talk to anyone about anything. You ask me a question and I'll answer that. That doesn't mean you should please do it.

[01:25:03] I'm not I don't want to do it but I'll talk about my shit on the internet and I don't really care. Yeah I mean sometimes Meg talks about something so much that you actually feel like you can see it. Yeah I mean the problem is...

[01:25:17] You didn't talk about it so much. She mentions it and we can fucking see it. The problem is that Elsie and Laura have imaginations and I have a fantasia so I don't have the mind's eye problem of some of the disgusting shit that I say.

[01:25:32] I definitely over share and it's only like I over share in person as well because if I'm gonna tell you most of the time I'm telling you because I don't mind you knowing right.

[01:25:43] And it's the same here but like every so often I'll say something and I go oh no that's one that shouldn't have come out. The problem is that as a trio there is nothing we won't say to each other. Like nothing.

[01:25:57] Yeah and we just feel like we're chatting right now so... I forget that there's actually thousands of you listening to this. Here's a line where it's like I over shared with my physiotherapist and I'm not gonna say it here because that's a line here for me

[01:26:10] but I immediately texted either just me and both of you and I was like oh fuck I just told my physiotherapist something. This is the second time I've met her I really shouldn't have fucking told her. I think she cared to be honest.

[01:26:20] I don't think she cared either but still I was like... Now in my head everyone listening is like if they follow us if they listen to us if they are interested in children's TV that makes me think that they're like a nice safe lovely person

[01:26:33] that I would be friends with anyway. It's like I don't mind if you guys here or we wouldn't say it. And we do have the power of the edit. Who could wish for more big? Not me little. Sitting out here with my two best friends.

[01:26:48] So I thought that it would be difficult to eke content out of a show that is only 60 minutes worth of content and it's very simple. 30 seconds of that is the same. Yeah in a dark dark whatever.

[01:27:04] In a dark dark town on a dark dark street in a dark dark house down some dark dark stairs in a dark dark cellar and then I always forget that last bit. Two skeletons lived. Yeah. Crucially. Some skeletons. I could I always say two skeletons with some skeletons

[01:27:19] because we forget the Dalmuk. Woof. Woof. I want to be the moon. If I had to be a character I'd be the moon. But we have managed to get quite a lot of content out of it. It was so charming. I hope you guys enjoy this.

[01:27:32] It was really charming but I think this is a lot of piss shit content. As it often is. Piss shit and death this time. Yeah. I'm been sick so yeah. A little bit of sex as well. A little bit of sex.

[01:27:43] I haven't been sick for a while so there's no new stories. No if you want to hear all Laura's vomit stories. Not even all of them. She didn't actually think she was going to be sick earlier and we had no running water.

[01:27:53] She was like I promise to be sick over the balcony. Yeah. Okay. I don't think the neighbours want that. Right. I think that might be it for funny bones. Well I've had a great evening. Yeah me too. Over sharing on the internet.

[01:28:08] My favourite click you just heard was Laura doing. Cracking my bones. Yeah. That's another thing is I get older. I can crack more and more bones. Me too. Good morning big. Good morning little. Good morning dog. Woof. Find us on Instagram at ThoughtsTV that O is a zero

[01:28:50] and on TikTok at ThoughtsTV pod. You can follow us on Twitter at Thoughts underscore underscore TV. And we have a discord linked on all the socials. Yes. Talk about your bones in the discord. I hope you've had as good of a time as we have.

[01:29:12] It is very nice show. Have a lovely evening or morning or wherever you are. Yes. And may you always have another shit in your future.