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[00:00:02] .
[00:00:31] Hello and welcome to this new edition of the comedy podcast You Shouldve Been Here Last Week
[00:00:39] hosted by myself, Steve Gribbin and fellow comedian Paul Ricketts in which we delve and we dig into the murky depths of the comedy industry and certain aspects thereof.
[00:00:51] And this week's particular subject is the so-called gift shop comics, people that have merchandise to sell.
[00:01:00] I don't know if it used to be something that I saw more, let's say 10 years ago.
[00:01:05] There used to be three different sorts. People used to sell DVDs of themselves doing what they'd just done to the audience, which is comedy, hopefully with a bigger audience, better lit and better response than the night they've just done.
[00:01:23] Because otherwise, why film it and sell it as a DVD? So that's one aspect of it.
[00:01:29] The other aspect of it would be comedians who have a dream to do something else.
[00:01:34] So be either music, non comedy music or slightly amusing comedy music or the detective novel.
[00:01:48] I mean, I could say writer, but it turns out most of the time it's a detective novel or autobiographical.
[00:01:58] I mean, I have to declare some skin in the game because, you know, back in the day, I was actually one of those people and they used to sell a lot.
[00:02:06] But I gave up doing it because, you know, as you know, I don't drive and they're fucking heavy.
[00:02:11] I just did the kind of everywhere in the fucking case and they're really heavy to turn.
[00:02:16] This is CDs, not DVDs. I never sold DVDs.
[00:02:19] I mean, nowadays, you know, you don't I don't think it's that common a thing really now to sell much.
[00:02:27] The modern equivalent of it is at the end of every gig, people say my name is and they make sure you they say their names several times and they go.
[00:02:36] And if you want to follow me and then they live every single one of their social media channels, that's the modern equivalent of it.
[00:02:44] You don't need to have the hard copy.
[00:02:47] You can have the digitalized copy and you go online and watch that digitalized version.
[00:02:53] That's just the way of life in terms of media full stop.
[00:02:57] It's all become zeros and ones rather than a bit of plastic or a piece of paper.
[00:03:04] Most of the big companies, if you have a set recorded, they send you the set, you know, the whole thing.
[00:03:12] Then you have to watch it and decide which bits you want.
[00:03:15] But, you know, that's they used to I mean, I've got thousands of DVDs in upstairs of recordings, which I've never really looked at.
[00:03:24] The job of the comedian now is not just to be comedic on stage to do everything, isn't it?
[00:03:30] Well, yeah. I mean, I don't want to veer too much into that because I still think there is the main reason why people still do this and you touched on it.
[00:03:42] It's such an easy way to make money.
[00:03:44] In fact, even your excuse for you not doing it is, I mean, how heavy is 10 CDs that you're going to knock out at a five reach minimum?
[00:03:56] How can I just say too heavy?
[00:03:59] Really? Yeah, it just makes you really heavy.
[00:04:03] I'm sorry, Griffin. If you had more gumption, you would have had that car by now and you'd have learned how to drive.
[00:04:09] Yeah, I know.
[00:04:10] And then you'd be carrying loads of them.
[00:04:13] I actually wouldn't. I mean, because that it did stop that, you know, when things did change to digital people don't buy CDs anymore.
[00:04:21] They still do. They still do.
[00:04:23] That's why people are still selling them.
[00:04:26] There's a comic who I won't mention the name of, but I was watching him doing his performance only very recently and he does a spiel at the end and he goes out to the foyer and he knocks out the CDs
[00:04:39] and he makes probably half the amount of the money he's going to take from the gig if not more from selling the CDs and he will take any amount of money.
[00:04:49] You go, I will take anything.
[00:04:51] Do you want to give me one penny?
[00:04:52] I'll take the penny and it's brilliant reverse psychology because they go, would you really take a penny?
[00:05:00] Yeah, I would.
[00:05:01] And he said sometimes they give me the penny and I take it and then they lock on.
[00:05:07] That's what is a tenner or is to a queen.
[00:05:11] But I said to him at the end of his set, I said, you know,
[00:05:15] I'm starting to realise that your set is a great big infomercial for the product sale at the end of the gig.
[00:05:22] In a way, it's like one long bucket speech, isn't it?
[00:05:27] Yes, it's up to a certain point and it is easy money to make.
[00:05:33] Yeah, I can see why people do it.
[00:05:35] But as I would say, as I was saying that I think it's getting less and less common now that people you can all go online and see anybody, you know.
[00:05:44] Yeah, but the performance stuff, I don't think is the main bit of it.
[00:05:48] I mean, even though this particular comic I'm talking about, yes, it is.
[00:05:50] But it's about it's famous nicely recorded versions of his songs.
[00:05:56] So I've seen other comics who have then recorded albums and then you have the album and you got the CDs, you printed up the hard copy.
[00:06:07] They're sitting there in a box, you know, in the loft.
[00:06:10] And you think, well, what's the point having them?
[00:06:12] It's got nothing to do with the comedy.
[00:06:14] It's added value, isn't it?
[00:06:16] So I mean, you have a band and I would suggest to you that the end of the gig, you could still knock out some of that stuff because why not?
[00:06:28] And it's got nothing to really do with what you've just done on stage.
[00:06:33] Apart from the fact that you're also a musical comic.
[00:06:36] But here are some wonderful songs that I've done that you might like as well.
[00:06:40] I wouldn't do that.
[00:06:41] I wouldn't mix the two.
[00:06:42] I don't think that's taking the I think that's taking the piss slightly.
[00:06:46] Is it?
[00:06:47] I wouldn't do that.
[00:06:51] I've done there.
[00:06:53] Why?
[00:06:54] I mean, I'm not saying OK, isn't that example?
[00:06:57] You were there.
[00:06:59] You saw this.
[00:07:00] So I can say I'm going to say the name.
[00:07:03] So Ian Stone, wonderful comic and very funny man.
[00:07:08] Both fans of his to the point is cost me money.
[00:07:12] That's we did a gig with him and he would close.
[00:07:16] He did a fantastic job and he was selling his autobiographical book.
[00:07:21] So, OK, there's some funny stuff in it for definite, but it's not complete.
[00:07:26] I mean, it's different from his stand up.
[00:07:28] It's an autobiographical book of his teenage years.
[00:07:32] And I went up to him to come basically to congratulate him on a great performance.
[00:07:38] And as I got to him, he's already was at the doorway with his books on a table when it ready to sell them.
[00:07:45] And I just thought I'll just say quite well done to Ian and then go back to the green room.
[00:07:50] And as I came up to him, I went, oh, no, it's all right.
[00:07:53] So I suddenly realized I'm going to be blocking the way for people to want to buy books.
[00:07:56] I said, I said, well, no, it's all right.
[00:07:58] I'll say it later.
[00:07:59] You guys, I know what you want to say.
[00:08:01] Oh, OK, then.
[00:08:03] So I just went into the green room, comes into the green room after he's finished selling all his books and he goes, well, so what was it, Paul?
[00:08:12] I said, well, you already know because yes, of course I do.
[00:08:15] You want one of my books, don't you?
[00:08:18] And I didn't want his book for any particular.
[00:08:22] I mean, that wasn't the reason I went up to him.
[00:08:24] But of course, when someone says you want one of my books, don't you?
[00:08:27] It's hard to say.
[00:08:28] No, I'm not that bothered actually in.
[00:08:30] But I did. Yeah, of course.
[00:08:32] Of course I want one of your books and he gets the book out and he goes, yeah, that'll be 15 quid.
[00:08:40] Did you pay it?
[00:08:44] Well, I said I said to him, I don't know if I got 15 quid on me.
[00:08:49] Oh, yes, you have. We got paid in cash.
[00:08:52] There was no way out.
[00:08:54] No way out. You have to buy it.
[00:08:57] So I got the book and here it is.
[00:08:59] Here's the book. To be someone.
[00:09:01] Yeah, because it's all about his obsession with the jam, isn't it?
[00:09:04] Yeah. And I said, look, I want you to sign it if you're going to do this.
[00:09:08] You know, so he signed it and I asked, he said, what do you want me to put in it?
[00:09:13] I said to Paul paid in full.
[00:09:18] Yeah, very nice. Eric B and Rakim reference there.
[00:09:24] Yeah, I mean, I actually think that there's an interesting subgenre of literature, which is comedians books.
[00:09:32] Yes, I've got quite a few now.
[00:09:34] And we've got James Stoutos, which is excellent.
[00:09:37] That's about the perfect book, which I think is one of the best ones.
[00:09:43] You know, I've got sort of in a little bit of a shelf to themselves.
[00:09:47] And, you know, and autobiographies.
[00:09:49] I mean, the Bob Mortimer one is excellent as well.
[00:09:52] That's really good. I've read loads of them, actually.
[00:09:55] Well, my favourite is Dave Thompson's, which he did give it to me for free.
[00:10:00] And the book is pretty much about that.
[00:10:02] It's The Sex Life of a Comedian.
[00:10:07] Yes. Well, plenty of scope with his particular life, but that isn't it?
[00:10:13] Absolutely. You couldn't put it down.
[00:10:18] It was so sticky.
[00:10:19] Well, literally.
[00:10:22] I knew you were going to say that.
[00:10:25] Oh my God.
[00:10:27] Yeah, I mean, he won't mind just saying that because he's very...
[00:10:30] No, he even asked me for a quote for the second reprint, I think.
[00:10:35] Because I did sort of get what he was...
[00:10:38] The subtext, because there is a subtext.
[00:10:40] A lot of comedians do have literary illusions.
[00:10:45] Yeah, there's quite a few books that have been knocked out by your comic.
[00:10:50] Ramesh is good as well. It's very well written.
[00:10:55] I like the autobiographical genre.
[00:11:01] As you know, I have been writing mine. I must finish it.
[00:11:05] My one will be hopefully coming out later on this year called Jimmy Tarbuck Ate My Sandwiches.
[00:11:11] Haven't you been writing this since the 1980s?
[00:11:14] No, no, no. I've been writing it since the start of the pandemic.
[00:11:19] But I keep thinking of more bits to go...
[00:11:22] Eventually I'll have to stop. I keep thinking of more bits.
[00:11:29] And then I sometimes think, oh no, that's a bit libelous.
[00:11:34] It will have to be proofread by someone that can advise me what not to say.
[00:11:40] But when it is finally published, will you be selling it after gigs?
[00:11:45] Oh yes I will.
[00:11:47] There he goes!
[00:11:48] What would be the point of that?
[00:11:50] Of the gift shop comic. He's back in town.
[00:11:53] But also it'll have like a CD.
[00:11:59] With free CD!
[00:12:01] With free CD.
[00:12:03] That thing about the...
[00:12:05] Part of it as well is that you have to be prepared to...
[00:12:09] Because most comics want to do the gig and fuck off, don't they?
[00:12:13] But you have to stay behind and make a bit more of an effort to...
[00:12:17] And talk to people.
[00:12:19] Which is I think sometimes...
[00:12:21] Because comedians would prefer all discourse to be with a microphone, lights and 100 watts per channel.
[00:12:27] To actually be stood in front of real people and having to talk to them without that.
[00:12:32] A lot of comics can't bear it.
[00:12:36] It's the actual transactional thing that I can't.
[00:12:39] I do like talking to people after gigs but I don't like that thing of...
[00:12:44] Yeah, I'm being very friendly with you now give me your money.
[00:12:48] No, get a card reader.
[00:12:50] Get a card reader when you see a comic.
[00:12:52] I don't mean that.
[00:12:55] Even with a card reader it's obvious what you want.
[00:12:57] Look, I've got a card reader anyway.
[00:13:02] Lots of comics have got no shame about doing that.
[00:13:06] If you find it uncomfortable then yeah...
[00:13:09] It's going to be hard for you to sell anything.
[00:13:11] I don't know whether as you...
[00:13:14] You've seen it done so many times that you think...
[00:13:17] Can I be bothered to do it again?
[00:13:20] I've done this several times.
[00:13:23] When I've been on the bill with some gift shop comics.
[00:13:26] Then I say, well yes obviously the blah blah...
[00:13:29] I've been trying to sell you some DVDs.
[00:13:32] I think he's been trying to sell you a book and I've also brought...
[00:13:35] I have some cigarettes here.
[00:13:38] One pound ten for each one.
[00:13:40] If you want to come and see me afterwards I'll be selling these.
[00:13:43] Recently it's morphed into out of date Covid tests.
[00:13:48] That's very good.
[00:13:50] Do you know what?
[00:13:52] Of course I know he wouldn't mind he's no longer with us.
[00:13:54] But Jeremy Harding used to have a brilliant line about that.
[00:13:57] If you want to see me afterwards I'll be trying to get rid of a few of my records.
[00:14:03] I've got some Lindisfarne albums I'm particularly keen to get rid of.
[00:14:12] That's a good way of doing it.
[00:14:15] Perhaps by the way somebody more enterprising than you or I should open up a comedian's gift shop.
[00:14:24] We could put it online.
[00:14:26] Purely dedicated to comedians extracurricular activities.
[00:14:32] You remind me of one last story.
[00:14:34] Dan Evans.
[00:14:35] So Dan Evans.
[00:14:36] He was basically when he was thinking about writing a book, another comic who I can't remember.
[00:14:43] But he'd also written a book and he was also a promoter.
[00:14:47] And so he booked Dan Evans to turn up at the gig.
[00:14:52] And when Dan Evans turned up at the gig they had a really good chat about writing.
[00:14:56] And Dan was going well I'm thinking about doing it myself.
[00:15:00] And actually I'd be really interested in having a copy of one of your books.
[00:15:05] And the promoter comic said yeah don't worry I'll give you one at the end of the night.
[00:15:10] I'll get a copy for you.
[00:15:13] At the end of the night he gave him the book and Dan went off thank you very much.
[00:15:19] And got in the car, started driving home and stopped off to get a coffee.
[00:15:25] And then just while I'd better check my money.
[00:15:27] And he realized that the promoter deducted the cost of the book.
[00:15:32] Out of his cash for the night.
[00:15:35] Yeah oh god that's brilliant.
[00:15:39] There's nothing you can do then.
[00:15:40] You've de facto bought the book haven't you?
[00:15:42] Yeah.
[00:15:46] But I was going to say for any of our listeners or viewers or whatever.
[00:15:52] A great comic who no longer performs comedy anymore but Bob Boyton is a very, very good writer.
[00:15:59] I just went to the book launch of his new collection of short stories called Johnny Fortune and Other Stories.
[00:16:06] And he writes brilliantly about the lives of working class Londoners.
[00:16:11] And people who are sort of kind of existing on the margins.
[00:16:15] And I'd highly recommend that.
[00:16:18] I have one of his books so I'll recommend it as well.
[00:16:20] So Bob Boynton we can recommend Queve.
[00:16:25] Yeah they're great.
[00:16:29] They're detective stories aren't they?
[00:16:31] Yeah you're not so certain about Queve are you?
[00:16:33] No I am.
[00:16:34] No no it's because I was writing his name down.
[00:16:40] I was just so bloody nerdy after I went oh I'll just write his name down for no reason.
[00:16:45] Yeah because it's hard to spell.
[00:16:47] Yeah I know how to spell it.
[00:16:49] C-A-I-N-H.
[00:16:51] Yeah.
[00:16:52] Oh I'm not forgetting Ian Moore he does great books as well.
[00:16:55] Yeah.
[00:16:56] I've got the first one of those.
[00:16:57] I mean actually you know your bookshelf now dedicated to books of comedians could be quite a big bookshelf.
[00:17:04] Yes but not big enough to have a shop like you were talking about.
[00:17:07] I'm talking about you know mokes whatever.
[00:17:10] Nobody flops a mug of themselves don't they?
[00:17:14] One last story actually I just remembered this.
[00:17:19] No I won't do the name.
[00:17:22] So I went to see a promoter comedian in his club in the south coast and just when I was before I was a comic and I quite enjoyed his set.
[00:17:38] He was there selling his DVD at the end of the night and he would sign them and he said you know what should I put?
[00:17:47] He said well I said look I'm actually thinking of doing comedy myself and he said well you know I'll put good luck with the comedy.
[00:17:57] And then I went back years later this time I'd started comedy and saw him again and he came up to me again and he said haven't I seen you before?
[00:18:10] I said yeah I came here before.
[00:18:13] I told you that so I was starting comedy and I have started it now.
[00:18:18] He goes oh great well here's the CD and he went good luck with the comedy.
[00:18:23] They were exactly the same thing.
[00:18:26] I bought two of them exactly the same DVD.
[00:18:30] Did you not have the heart to tell him?
[00:18:32] No and I haven't got the heart to tell him I've never watched either of them.
[00:18:38] Oh that's terrible.
[00:18:40] But I've kept them.
[00:18:42] You've kept them?
[00:18:43] Yeah because if he dies I've got two copies now signed to me if he ever gets famous.
[00:18:51] It might be worth a lot of money.
[00:18:53] No I doubt it.
[00:18:55] Hope against hope.
[00:18:57] Hope against hope yeah so I think that's a good idea more mugs with like comedians pictures on them.
[00:19:03] Let's think of some merchandise.
[00:19:05] What about a pen?
[00:19:07] You know you hold it upside down the comedians tell us a joke.
[00:19:11] I'm just free-forming.
[00:19:13] Free-forming I mean I can't figure what is good merch for a comedian.
[00:19:23] A little microphone.
[00:19:27] Key rings that's good.
[00:19:29] Fridge magnets.
[00:19:31] Yeah with punch lines on and that was only the teachers.
[00:19:35] Yeah also like what are the chances on your fridge?
[00:19:39] Quite frankly.
[00:19:45] Oh god it's gone off my head.
[00:19:50] Oh yeah that's what I wanted to say and I genuinely can't remember their name but you know you talk about comedians flog the DVD of their set albeit recording them.
[00:20:00] And the guy selling the DVD saying here's a DVD you know this is my act if you've enjoyed my acts and it absolutely stormed him.
[00:20:10] And then the guy was going oh yeah I love you.
[00:20:14] Paid a tenner.
[00:20:16] Then about a year later he went back to the same penny that the guy came up to and goes what the fuck.
[00:20:22] Well you fucking.
[00:20:23] This is all the same.
[00:20:24] This is the same set.
[00:20:26] This is the same fucking shit.
[00:20:29] And then the guy was going yeah but I said it was the same set.
[00:20:32] I don't want my fucking money back mate.
[00:20:35] But all I'm thinking is if you went to watch a band and you bought the DVD or the CD and you wouldn't come back to the next gig a year later and go wait a minute it's the same songs you played in the gig.
[00:20:49] Fucking same songs.
[00:20:51] And this album I've got it's the same thing I'm with the album.
[00:20:55] It's the same songs you did at the gig.
[00:20:58] I don't want my money back.
[00:21:00] So he wants a TV show.
[00:21:02] You're singing the same song.
[00:21:04] You did it at the gig.
[00:21:09] Oh God that'd be funny actually then comedians would go into the into a studio with nobody around to record like you know the proper versions of their set.
[00:21:19] Over 18 months.
[00:21:20] Yeah.
[00:21:24] Sometimes we just work out the jokes in the studio.
[00:21:27] We just use the studio as an instrument really.
[00:21:29] Sometimes the studio is part of the joke.
[00:21:32] I like effects me yeah.
[00:21:33] I like to think on my feet.
[00:21:35] Yeah.
[00:21:40] Do you know if people brought comedians.
[00:21:42] It's like this writing is the same writing that I've seen before.
[00:21:46] I've fucking seen this.
[00:21:48] Writing.
[00:21:50] Give me my money back.
[00:21:57] Oh God.
[00:21:59] Yeah.
[00:22:00] Merchandise come on comedians.
[00:22:02] The thing is though to get serious for a moment.
[00:22:07] But we are in the process of selling ourselves aren't we.
[00:22:09] So the whole thing is a sell.
[00:22:11] It's a sell.
[00:22:12] Yeah.
[00:22:13] We're all prostitutes as the pop group said.
[00:22:16] But you know when we had Adam on Adam Bloom was talking about this as well.
[00:22:20] You know they talk about the idea of selling the joke.
[00:22:23] And you know the audience has to buy into as it were your persona or the way that you are on stage.
[00:22:30] And so it's only an extension of that.
[00:22:32] I don't want it to be in a sense because it is.
[00:22:35] I'm very much a believer it's an art form as well.
[00:22:38] When it's done really well.
[00:22:39] But we're in that position.
[00:22:40] I was just going to say at the end of that cremation thing there'd be a bloke with a bat with a Bible going it's the same.
[00:22:46] It's the same.
[00:22:48] I've got one of these in a hotel.
[00:22:51] It's in a drawer.
[00:22:52] For nothing.
[00:22:54] That shalt not kill Erdi.
[00:22:56] You want me to put money in a fucking tray.
[00:23:00] I've got one of these.
[00:23:02] I've got loads.
[00:23:03] Where's the key ring with Jesus on it?
[00:23:05] Yeah.
[00:23:08] Oh God anyway.
[00:23:10] Yeah but we've talked about this many times you and I about the fact that you now a comedian is not only have you got to think about the time that you're on stage but the time that you're off as well.
[00:23:23] You don't want to overrun.
[00:23:26] Well.
[00:23:33] Go on too long.
[00:23:34] At the end of every comedian's life they'll be sort of lying on their deathbed and you see a little red light.
[00:23:39] Yeah.
[00:23:40] The red light went on three minutes ago.
[00:23:44] The priest, the priest would be there going look the red lights here.
[00:23:47] Look have you seen it?
[00:23:49] Splashing their phone at you.
[00:23:50] Get off.
[00:23:53] Because that's how we all stood around the coffee.
[00:23:59] And then the priest would lean over and say have you got any last words?
[00:24:02] Yeah.
[00:24:03] Do you want to buy my DVD?
[00:24:06] It's got my life in it.
[00:24:07] I've seen it.
[00:24:08] I've seen it.
[00:24:09] I've seen it.
[00:24:10] Just one last thing before I go.
[00:24:11] Yeah.
[00:24:12] Get in the book.
[00:24:13] Oh dear.
[00:24:17] That's a suitable way to end that.
[00:24:20] Yeah.
[00:24:21] Death as always is the suitable ending.
[00:24:24] That's right.
[00:24:25] Yeah.
[00:24:26] I mean that used to be one of my favorite lines of Pat Condell said my kids say to me Dad, Dad what happens after you die?
[00:24:31] You said well normally I just walk off stage.
[00:24:34] Oh my God.
[00:24:41] Anyway that's the end of this particular episode of focusing on the gift shot comic.
[00:24:47] Let's hope he comes back with more merchandise in the future as we will in a couple of weeks time with a new podcast.
[00:24:58] And so if you've enjoyed this one, share, like, subscribe.
[00:25:03] Just tell people about it.
[00:25:06] Ironically that's exactly what we're doing now.
[00:25:08] We're promoting the podcast and somewhere there will be a DVD version of the best of the podcast.
[00:25:16] Yeah.
[00:25:17] Coming out soon.
[00:25:18] We'll be selling it at the end of gigs.
[00:25:19] So come see us at a gig.
[00:25:22] I'm going to be in Heaven Webster tonight.
[00:25:25] Come see me.
[00:25:26] I will have a CD with the best of you should have been here last week and any amount of money you want to give me I'll take.
[00:25:34] I'll be in Great Torrington next in Devons.
[00:25:38] And I fully expect a bloke to come up to me.
[00:25:41] This podcast.
[00:25:44] I've seen it.
[00:25:45] It's just people talking.
[00:25:47] Just two blokes talking about fucking where's my fucking money back?
[00:25:53] So yes, so see us live.
[00:25:55] Even though there's no chance that this will come out before these gigs take place.
[00:25:58] I don't know why we bothered to mention them.
[00:26:00] But yes, I would.
[00:26:02] Yeah, I'm going to make a CD best of and flog him at gigs.
[00:26:07] So come come see us live and we'll sell you some crap.
[00:26:11] Yeah, I think that's a good way to finish.
[00:26:14] See you later.
[00:26:15] Cheers.
[00:26:16] Bye bye.
[00:26:22] Where should the penny last week?
[00:26:25] Oh, yeah.
[00:26:26] The sugar penny last week.
[00:26:32] This show is part of pedomity, the podcast comedy network.
[00:26:40] We're the best kept secret on a cast.
[00:26:44] Why not laugh at what else we've got?
[00:26:46] Check out pedomity dot com now.