To paraphrase Rihanna, sometimes comedians have to '"find laughter in a hopeless place". Comedians Steve Gribbin and Paul Ricketts list their 5 favourite and 5 most hated venue spaces to perform comedy. From theatres, hotels, night clubs, pubs, hairdressers or the top deck of bus.
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[00:00:00] You Can Count Among Us On One Hand, But I'm Sweet They Weren't
[00:00:09] Completely Ramped, They Were Filled Up To The God-Obs,
[00:00:14] They Were Pueing Down The Street, They Said You Shouldve Been Here Last Week,
[00:00:19] I'm Sweet, You Shouldve Been Here Last Week, Paul Ricketts and Steve Gribbin
[00:00:30] Hello and Welcome To The Lacest Edition Of You Shouldve Been Here Last Week
[00:00:36] That Comedy Industry Podcast That Everyone's Talking About Hosted By Me, Steve Gribbin
[00:00:41] And My Fellow Comedian, Paul Ricketts In Which We Interview The Movers And The
[00:00:46] Shakers Of The Comedy Business All Subjects Will Be Touched In Future Episodes
[00:00:50] Are Ricketts Yes, But Not In A We Weren A Touch On That,
[00:00:54] But I was going to say Not On A Kevin Spacey Way, But They Seek A Weir With That,
[00:01:00] I'm A Needed So This Week's Edition Is Dealing With
[00:01:06] We Thought We Do A Special Edition Of Our Best and Worst Places To Perform Comedy
[00:01:14] In So Our Top Five And Our Top Our Bottom Five Worst Comedy Spaces So Where Should
[00:01:21] We Kid Should We Start With The Top Or The Bottom What's Your
[00:01:26] Fancy No, We'll Do The Top First And Then You Work Our Way Down
[00:01:31] Yeah That's Old School So Starting From Number Five, Village Halls
[00:01:38] With A Big Fan Of Those Then One Of Many Pub Entrances In Terms Of In This List Is Pub
[00:01:46] Cellar Featers Is Number Three When I'm Talking About Studio Spaces
[00:01:53] And The Number Two Is Featers Where You Just Got The Stage To Traditional Theater
[00:01:58] Cross Arch Or Ditorium And Number One Most Obviously,
[00:02:05] Herpus Built Comedy Venues Who Would Have Guessed That That Would Be Number One
[00:02:10] You Know That Places That Were Built To Actually House Comedy With Good Sightlines
[00:02:17] Excellent Sound And Brilliant Acoustics Who Would Have Thought
[00:02:21] Very Similar To You My Top Five Going In Reverse Order I Got Small Features
[00:02:27] I've Got Huge Staters That's Number Three Then I've Got Art Centres
[00:02:32] Which Is A Different Kind Of Thing Entirely And Then Number Two Is
[00:02:37] Rooms Above Pups And Then I've Got The Same Perperous Built Comedy Clubs Top
[00:02:42] Let's Start At The Bottom And Let's Start With One Of The Ones That I've Got That You
[00:02:48] Haven't Got And That's Village Halls I Like Them Because Okay,
[00:02:54] There's An Element That The Stages Might Be Too High.
[00:02:57] That's One Of The Things That Goes Against Them
[00:03:00] No The Thing Is That With Those Dogs With The Auditors Like This Aren't They?
[00:03:03] Yeah, They're Cricking Their neck
[00:03:06] But I mean, if they're Right Next To The Front, I mean you have to have a little bit of a gap
[00:03:10] So that doesn't happen. But what I like about them is you go in there
[00:03:16] There's tons of equipment which nobody has any idea how to use
[00:03:20] It's, what's my name? Amazing
[00:03:23] You Go, Fantastic, Fantastic Speaker System
[00:03:27] No, none of us know how to use it
[00:03:28] No, we look at all those lights, no one knows how to switch them on
[00:03:31] That's why we've asked you to bring your own
[00:03:33] A lot of those places always look like they've just finished having a harvest festival
[00:03:37] don't they? Yeah, you know, with those big curts that could pass
[00:03:40] and you expect someone to the vicar to come on and start
[00:03:42] Okay, we plow the fields and scatter
[00:03:46] Yeah, at the end of the show, but Dad's army is going to come in
[00:03:50] and have a little captain Manoran is going to have a little speech
[00:03:54] The Verge is going to tell us all to get out
[00:03:57] It gives me that sort of feeling
[00:03:59] Yeah
[00:04:00] I mean, I can see their attraction
[00:04:03] My thing is that I do
[00:04:05] I mean, obviously we're increasingly playing different types of venues
[00:04:08] I don't like it when they're too cliquey though
[00:04:11] I like the clikiness
[00:04:12] Oh, I don't like that
[00:04:14] I like the clikiness
[00:04:15] I like the village dynamic
[00:04:17] I like the thing there's always a bit of a class division going on there
[00:04:20] There's people who live in the village but work outside the village
[00:04:24] There's people who live in the village and work near the village
[00:04:28] There's that dichotomy, there's rich and poor
[00:04:30] There's young and old
[00:04:32] They're all there
[00:04:35] I was thinking in Bambri though
[00:04:36] And it was ruined by every single routine was greeted
[00:04:43] That's true, that is oh Bill
[00:04:45] He does that
[00:04:48] We couldn't get to our acts as a captain to erupting
[00:04:50] But not interrupting us
[00:04:52] Interrupting it with themselves
[00:04:54] You know, it's not having a discussion
[00:04:56] Every every joke
[00:04:57] causes a discussion
[00:04:59] Oh and I've got to tell you that one
[00:05:01] I did in the
[00:05:03] Oh god, it was in the commuter belt somewhere like in Surrey
[00:05:06] And there was a woman in the front row with an iPad
[00:05:10] And she was working on the iPad as the show was going on
[00:05:14] And I can't remember who the compel was
[00:05:16] Just stop the show and said
[00:05:18] Is anyone else think this is rude
[00:05:20] And someone goes
[00:05:21] Oh no, that's all choice that is
[00:05:23] She wears that in the city
[00:05:24] She's got a lot of work
[00:05:26] She's very hard worker, Joe
[00:05:28] Joyce
[00:05:29] Then everyone else clapped like this
[00:05:31] And goes
[00:05:32] Yeah, let her carry on
[00:05:33] You know, she's hard
[00:05:34] She's hard
[00:05:35] Where are the hours
[00:05:36] She ruined the show
[00:05:38] Completely
[00:05:38] Well only because you let her
[00:05:40] You didn't have to keep talking to her
[00:05:41] Looking at her
[00:05:42] Look somewhere else
[00:05:43] Yeah, it was very hard
[00:05:44] Did a village hall in Hertfordshire
[00:05:47] Pulled up in the car
[00:05:48] There was a fight going on
[00:05:50] In the car park
[00:05:52] As I pulled up
[00:05:53] So the fight was just ending
[00:05:57] bloke was getting dragged off by his girlfriend
[00:05:59] And they were having an argument
[00:06:00] As he was leading them away
[00:06:02] And he was all bloodied
[00:06:04] And the other bloke was shouting after him
[00:06:06] As I cave in
[00:06:07] Is this the venue for the
[00:06:08] What have you got
[00:06:13] And what I need
[00:06:15] Went into the place
[00:06:16] It was just fee-browel
[00:06:18] Is the best way
[00:06:19] It was just the atmosphere there
[00:06:20] Was like
[00:06:21] There was an edge to everything
[00:06:22] And the MC
[00:06:24] Talked to the audience
[00:06:25] And he said
[00:06:27] I'll get three women
[00:06:28] Two women up on stage
[00:06:30] He might have been free
[00:06:31] And the game that he was going to play
[00:06:34] Was the sound of their all-gassam
[00:06:37] So each one in turn
[00:06:39] Had to make the sound of their all-gassam
[00:06:41] One was quite polite
[00:06:43] All-gassam
[00:06:44] The other one was a bit more mooney
[00:06:46] And the other one
[00:06:47] The last one
[00:06:48] Was like the sounds of Tarzan
[00:06:50] Coming through the jungle
[00:06:52] It was a sort of sound that would make all the animals
[00:06:55] In the jungle turn around the wolf
[00:06:57] What the fuck is that?
[00:06:59] Birds would fly off
[00:07:00] That sort of thing
[00:07:02] Oh God
[00:07:03] And it was just a ridiculous noise
[00:07:05] And it got around the bush
[00:07:06] She turned out she was a local hairdresser
[00:07:09] She won
[00:07:10] And she says
[00:07:11] She says
[00:07:12] Course are f**king won
[00:07:13] I'll f**k both the blogs here
[00:07:16] Massive
[00:07:16] Massive cheer
[00:07:20] Well they probably wreck it
[00:07:21] Well they might not have recognised that sound
[00:07:24] I think they did
[00:07:27] Do you know what
[00:07:28] And there's a link there
[00:07:29] Because we haven't mentioned that
[00:07:31] But I mean both you and I have done this gig
[00:07:33] But we're not going to name it
[00:07:36] But we've done a gig in her dressers anyway
[00:07:38] And there was a fish tank there
[00:07:39] Wasn't it
[00:07:40] And then it was huge
[00:07:41] Cavernous ceiling
[00:07:42] It was one of the
[00:07:43] The worst setup gigs
[00:07:45] I've ever um
[00:07:46] God it was terrible
[00:07:47] Well I thought
[00:07:48] The theme of a hairdresser
[00:07:50] Being fish
[00:07:51] Is a bit of a weird one
[00:07:52] It is
[00:07:53] So I found that quite weird
[00:07:56] Because they had sort of nets
[00:07:58] With fishing of J.Dar in the nets
[00:08:00] So that they weren't proper nets
[00:08:02] So they're sort of string bags
[00:08:03] You get from primal
[00:08:05] And by the way
[00:08:06] By the way it was nowhere near the sea
[00:08:08] Wasn't this venue
[00:08:09] No it was in somewhere like Sussex
[00:08:12] Oh where did I see
[00:08:13] And it was also next door to a gun shop
[00:08:16] Which I don't find
[00:08:17] That's never nice
[00:08:18] If you're doing a gig next door to
[00:08:19] A place that's got weapons
[00:08:21] Yeah is that case you got a bad you got a bad herd
[00:08:24] Oh yeah
[00:08:24] Coming to the comeback
[00:08:29] I want to see Doris
[00:08:30] Ah she's out there
[00:08:31] Out the back having an orgasm
[00:08:32] Oh
[00:08:34] So it is
[00:08:34] I mean
[00:08:35] Yeah I mean that
[00:08:36] I think doing a big theatre
[00:08:39] It is one of the most
[00:08:41] Fantastic feelings ever
[00:08:42] When it's a packed theatre
[00:08:44] Like six or seven hundred people
[00:08:45] It's
[00:08:46] The atmosphere
[00:08:47] It's just amazing
[00:08:49] When a line sort of a laugh sort of ripples back
[00:08:53] You know it's
[00:08:53] It's it's brilliant thing
[00:08:55] Yeah
[00:08:55] And also to be treated
[00:08:56] To be treated properly
[00:08:58] It's quite good as well
[00:08:59] Yeah
[00:09:00] It's that proper proper dressing room
[00:09:02] It would lights on it
[00:09:03] It lights around the
[00:09:04] Around the mirror
[00:09:05] And to have people come in and say yes
[00:09:08] We have five minutes
[00:09:09] Beginners
[00:09:11] Beginners I was just great beginners please
[00:09:13] Yeah but I mean they're good venues big theatres
[00:09:16] Small theatres are really good as well
[00:09:18] I like
[00:09:18] Small compact theatres
[00:09:20] As I said I put them
[00:09:22] next to each other
[00:09:24] But studio spaces which are different from theatres
[00:09:27] So you haven't got the stage
[00:09:28] What I like about
[00:09:29] Being on stage is it's a stage
[00:09:32] You get to wonder about
[00:09:33] Channel your inner Michael McIntyre
[00:09:36] And start treading the boards a bit
[00:09:38] Now like that
[00:09:39] I like the freedom of it
[00:09:40] And the sounds always good
[00:09:41] The lights always good
[00:09:43] They're designed
[00:09:44] For you to be the only focus
[00:09:46] And it's great but obviously they have to be full
[00:09:49] If they're not full
[00:09:50] Being on stage in a big theatre
[00:09:52] There is nothing worse
[00:09:53] And I've done several gigs
[00:09:54] Where they've been scattered far and wide
[00:09:57] Sometimes
[00:09:59] Each one had a separate row
[00:10:00] By themselves
[00:10:02] All on different sides of this big theatre
[00:10:05] When you get to studio ones
[00:10:08] Those are the ones where
[00:10:09] It's normally the seats are right
[00:10:11] Going upwards
[00:10:12] And you're on the ground level
[00:10:15] And you're performing
[00:10:16] Up towards the audience
[00:10:19] So it's different from a stage
[00:10:20] Where the opposite thing's happening
[00:10:22] You're performing downwards
[00:10:23] And sometimes upwards as well
[00:10:25] If the upper tier is open
[00:10:27] And the middle tier
[00:10:29] But yeah
[00:10:30] And I'll pick then nice
[00:10:31] Because they're more intimate
[00:10:32] I like the stage better
[00:10:34] And you like the smaller space better
[00:10:36] On the sounds of it
[00:10:37] Well the rope tackle arts
[00:10:38] And to in
[00:10:41] Beverly
[00:10:41] Not a Beverly
[00:10:42] Oh god, I'm going to get killed now
[00:10:44] Outside hall
[00:10:45] Park
[00:10:45] And
[00:10:46] Park
[00:10:46] And upon a Humber
[00:10:47] That is a well set out art centre
[00:10:50] It's a beautiful space
[00:10:51] And nice apps for you
[00:10:53] And again, it's got to be full
[00:10:54] Obviously but so
[00:10:56] And also I find as well as art centres
[00:10:58] Often stuff
[00:10:59] Especially by the people that put the comedy on
[00:11:01] They really love the comedy
[00:11:03] And for them it's not just
[00:11:04] It's not just about
[00:11:07] The drums on seats aspect
[00:11:08] If you engage in a conversation
[00:11:10] They're often very knowledgeable
[00:11:12] There's one in Charlton as well
[00:11:13] The guy is legendary for putting on
[00:11:16] actual food
[00:11:19] But that's another thing
[00:11:20] By the way
[00:11:20] It's biased for performers
[00:11:22] When you go there
[00:11:23] There's a lovely rider
[00:11:24] You know
[00:11:25] I mean we should explain to any non
[00:11:30] Performer types
[00:11:30] A rider is what you get in the dress room
[00:11:34] And if you use some
[00:11:35] For free
[00:11:36] Yes
[00:11:37] That's the main thing
[00:11:38] Yeah
[00:11:40] But normally it's a packet of crisps
[00:11:42] And well normally it's nothing
[00:11:44] Is it?
[00:11:45] Yeah
[00:11:45] Well normally they might even charge you for the water
[00:11:48] Some people do
[00:11:50] They come with a bottle and get that be £1.50
[00:11:52] Yeah
[00:11:53] That happened to me
[00:11:54] To a Durham theatre once I went and bought a cup of coffee
[00:11:57] And previously under the old sort of like regime
[00:12:01] Whatever
[00:12:01] It had been all free
[00:12:02] And we'd had we'd have sandwiches and other
[00:12:04] But a cup of coffee and she went
[00:12:06] That would be £1.89
[00:12:08] She said
[00:12:09] Yeah
[00:12:10] She said
[00:12:11] I'll wait
[00:12:12] I said
[00:12:12] Well I haven't got any money on it
[00:12:14] She said
[00:12:14] Somebody can go and get your card
[00:12:16] And I was absolutely fumed
[00:12:19] Well
[00:12:19] Yeah comedians
[00:12:20] If we find out there's free stuff
[00:12:22] We take to go over the top
[00:12:24] I mean there's the old joke
[00:12:26] About the comic
[00:12:28] On dep row
[00:12:29] And
[00:12:31] They give him the menu
[00:12:32] He goes
[00:12:32] So what's the menu for
[00:12:34] Because it's for your final meal
[00:12:35] We're going to execute you tomorrow
[00:12:37] He goes, oh
[00:12:38] I mean I should never tell me there was free food
[00:12:45] Yeah that'd be typical
[00:12:46] You don't have everything on the menu
[00:12:48] Yeah
[00:12:48] I don't know
[00:12:49] Oh this is all right
[00:12:50] Well good shiig
[00:12:51] Oh god
[00:12:53] That is funny
[00:12:54] So purpose comedy
[00:12:55] venues
[00:12:56] I think the only drawback with them
[00:12:58] Is food drink
[00:13:01] And
[00:13:02] And I can't mention the names
[00:13:04] Because they're so famous
[00:13:06] Could do I remember say this to the proprietor
[00:13:08] Last time I was there
[00:13:09] So the anything wrong with this place is
[00:13:11] You need better bloody toilets
[00:13:14] You need bigger toilets
[00:13:17] Because the cues are ridiculous
[00:13:20] And it means that all the energy
[00:13:22] That is in the audience at the end of a
[00:13:25] Really good section
[00:13:27] Is all dissipated by complaints and moaning
[00:13:29] As cues at the bar
[00:13:30] And always because of the massive cue at the toilet
[00:13:33] And then these people then go and join a massive cue at the bar
[00:13:36] Stick an extra toilet in
[00:13:38] That would really help
[00:13:39] Although this is
[00:13:40] And I'm not going to man in the place
[00:13:41] There's actually happened to me once
[00:13:43] Talking about the toilets
[00:13:44] A woman in the front row got up
[00:13:46] And I was starting to take the piss out
[00:13:47] So you know where you'd go in
[00:13:49] Okay
[00:13:51] Etc
[00:13:51] A she just let fly the biggest vomit
[00:13:57] Because it was so close to the state
[00:13:59] It was like projectile
[00:14:00] But
[00:14:02] And then it went bounce
[00:14:03] And it hit the bottom
[00:14:04] It hit the top of my shoes
[00:14:06] Ooh
[00:14:07] And I had to do the rest of my set
[00:14:09] Luckily I only had about five more minutes
[00:14:10] But I kept going
[00:14:12] Anyway that was um
[00:14:13] Because I'm really bad with um
[00:14:17] With vomit
[00:14:18] Oh god
[00:14:19] It was horrible
[00:14:20] I don't know
[00:14:20] Many people who are good with vomit
[00:14:22] No
[00:14:24] Like a bit of vomit
[00:14:27] Honestly there's some weird bloke
[00:14:29] That full of batwoman
[00:14:30] Into the toilet just to get some more vomit action
[00:14:36] Yes some more vomit action
[00:14:37] I mean the other time
[00:14:39] I've ever
[00:14:40] Vomit is over someone vomiting
[00:14:42] This has got nothing to do with comedy
[00:14:45] Uh there's in a nightclub
[00:14:46] And there was two people
[00:14:48] Snogging
[00:14:49] And one of them vomited into the other ones mouth
[00:14:52] And that almost sent me
[00:14:56] Oh god
[00:14:57] That's not available on youtube
[00:15:00] As a specialist video isn't it
[00:15:01] Yeah I mean that's the deepest French kiss you can have isn't it really
[00:15:05] Oh god
[00:15:08] Oh dear
[00:15:09] That's the other thing that's on
[00:15:10] Perp's comic club
[00:15:11] So that's what we're going to talk about
[00:15:12] Is I do like the fact that there's security there
[00:15:15] And that most of the time they're really good
[00:15:18] Um
[00:15:19] At one time
[00:15:20] There's a famous story that Dave Forbes on stage
[00:15:22] And um
[00:15:24] He's right in the middle of a gag
[00:15:25] And he's coming to the end of it
[00:15:26] And someone threw a coin
[00:15:29] And he hit him on the floor head
[00:15:30] And he just stopped mid gag and just went
[00:15:34] Walked off without saying a word
[00:15:35] And there was almost a riot
[00:15:37] Because people go
[00:15:38] No I want to hear the end
[00:15:39] And then swiftly
[00:15:41] The bounce has descended on the person
[00:15:43] Just dragged them out
[00:15:44] Which is good to see
[00:15:45] One of the things that annoys me about
[00:15:47] The pub type gix is that
[00:15:49] If it kicks off in a violent way
[00:15:51] Or someone's been
[00:15:52] There's no one to sort it out
[00:15:54] So let's go to the uh
[00:15:55] The bottom five
[00:15:56] Number five anywhere outdoors
[00:15:57] Number four
[00:15:58] The theater foyer area
[00:16:01] Which I think is like
[00:16:04] The cruel joke
[00:16:05] Number three
[00:16:06] Purpose built music venues
[00:16:08] I don't think they ever worked for comedy
[00:16:11] Um yeah
[00:16:12] Number two
[00:16:14] In a pub
[00:16:15] You put in the corner
[00:16:16] But I think
[00:16:17] Anyway in a pub
[00:16:18] Where people don't have to pay
[00:16:19] Where they can just walk in
[00:16:21] And see you
[00:16:22] Because uh
[00:16:22] They put some of the worst gigs of my life
[00:16:25] And then number one
[00:16:25] I've got hotel function rooms
[00:16:27] Specifically with a sprung dance floor
[00:16:31] Right okay
[00:16:33] So this is my five
[00:16:35] Um
[00:16:36] Farticular sporting club
[00:16:38] Golf clubs
[00:16:40] Uh
[00:16:41] I could have put in rugby club
[00:16:42] Football club
[00:16:43] Fricky club
[00:16:45] But it is the golf club that I've chosen
[00:16:47] For particular reasons
[00:16:48] I've put in
[00:16:50] Zoom comedy gigs number four
[00:16:53] Oh god yeah
[00:16:54] And number three
[00:16:56] I put in restaurant
[00:16:58] Where there's a big window frontage
[00:17:03] Number two
[00:17:05] Nightclub
[00:17:07] Yes
[00:17:08] Just nightclub
[00:17:09] And number one
[00:17:10] In the corner of a pub
[00:17:13] Where the stage is also near the toilet
[00:17:16] That's uh
[00:17:17] Where do we want to start then
[00:17:18] At the bottom
[00:17:19] Yeah let's start at the bottom then
[00:17:21] So
[00:17:22] For me
[00:17:23] In my one outdoors means
[00:17:26] I don't know if you've ever done a gig
[00:17:27] Like on the back of a lorry in a car park
[00:17:30] Which I have
[00:17:31] Quite a few times actually
[00:17:33] And it never
[00:17:34] I mean
[00:17:34] It sounds like the ideal scenario
[00:17:36] Doesn't it
[00:17:37] Normally the sound was terrible
[00:17:39] Anyway with
[00:17:40] With the ornits is not fixed
[00:17:42] Where they can sort of walk past
[00:17:44] And they're not
[00:17:44] They're not committed to the gig at all
[00:17:47] Well that sounds like festival
[00:17:49] And do you like festivals
[00:17:51] When they're well done there can be great
[00:17:52] I mean there was one year at Reading Festival
[00:17:54] Which is great
[00:17:55] It lives on in the memory
[00:17:56] Where they
[00:17:57] Put the comedy
[00:17:58] Tent next door
[00:18:00] To the enemy soundstage
[00:18:02] And it was an absolute disaster
[00:18:05] I've still never forget though
[00:18:07] Ross Noble
[00:18:07] At the beginning of his set
[00:18:10] The Dandy Warholz
[00:18:12] Came on
[00:18:12] And you know that song
[00:18:13] Bohemian like me
[00:18:15] Yeah
[00:18:15] It
[00:18:15] It
[00:18:16] It
[00:18:16] It
[00:18:16] It
[00:18:17] It
[00:18:17] It
[00:18:17] But the beginning of that
[00:18:18] Got an intro
[00:18:19] And it goes down
[00:18:21] And it goes on
[00:18:22] And on
[00:18:23] And Ross Noble just thought
[00:18:24] Oh fuck it
[00:18:25] And he just started doing a little rap
[00:18:27] Yeah
[00:18:27] And I know it sounds now
[00:18:29] But it was one of the best things
[00:18:30] I've ever seen
[00:18:31] And at the end of it
[00:18:32] You got like
[00:18:33] You know people just go wild
[00:18:35] He dealt with it really well
[00:18:36] But most people
[00:18:37] Even me as a musical actor
[00:18:38] He can't compete
[00:18:40] With you know
[00:18:40] 10,000 megawatts of a band
[00:18:43] So they're bad
[00:18:43] But I don't like open air gigs in general
[00:18:46] Though
[00:18:46] Like in a pub garden
[00:18:48] And it's like that thing
[00:18:50] You know
[00:18:51] It's almost like comedy is like a
[00:18:53] Pressure's little flower
[00:18:54] And I mean
[00:18:55] If you expose it to some like
[00:18:57] When the sun shines
[00:18:58] And when you're outside
[00:18:59] It don't work
[00:19:00] Because there's
[00:19:01] I've seen an act
[00:19:02] Heckled by a load of migrating geese
[00:19:05] This happened at a kicking
[00:19:06] I
[00:19:08] The geese came over
[00:19:10] And
[00:19:12] One looks up
[00:19:13] They're all in formation
[00:19:14] And the
[00:19:15] The act was still
[00:19:17] How can you take that on
[00:19:19] Finger of natural beauty
[00:19:20] You just can't
[00:19:22] I once saw
[00:19:24] Somebody in an outdog here
[00:19:25] I won't say it was
[00:19:26] And as they were doing something
[00:19:27] It was almost in the street
[00:19:30] It was a pub car
[00:19:31] Put at the back
[00:19:31] On some street
[00:19:32] And as they were talking
[00:19:33] This was like
[00:19:34] Woo
[00:19:34] Woo
[00:19:37] And they go
[00:19:38] This will give it away
[00:19:39] When I do the action
[00:19:39] But where it was
[00:19:40] But the
[00:19:41] The act goes
[00:19:42] Oh what's that
[00:19:44] And one of the punches
[00:19:45] It's they come for you mate
[00:19:50] That was it
[00:19:51] It was gone
[00:19:52] The gig was gone
[00:19:54] And yet
[00:19:55] Outdoors is really hard
[00:19:57] They get good when they get dark
[00:19:58] Because as the sun goes in
[00:20:00] I think you need that thing
[00:20:02] People think they're on to
[00:20:03] Spell or something
[00:20:04] You know
[00:20:04] It's broken with the
[00:20:06] With daylight
[00:20:07] Well the fling
[00:20:08] You don't get the benefit of your last
[00:20:10] Do you
[00:20:10] That's the whole point
[00:20:11] You need to enclose the last
[00:20:12] And outside
[00:20:13] The last disappear
[00:20:14] Into the ether
[00:20:16] Into the geese
[00:20:17] Taken away by the geese
[00:20:19] All right
[00:20:19] Number three
[00:20:20] And number four
[00:20:21] I've got this theatre foyer
[00:20:22] Which I think is like one of the cruellars
[00:20:24] So you go to a really nice theatre
[00:20:26] And you get glimps inside
[00:20:28] Of a really nice stage
[00:20:30] And then they go
[00:20:32] You're in this place
[00:20:34] I want to take the gig there
[00:20:36] And you'll know
[00:20:37] This feeling
[00:20:37] Because this applies to pubs as well
[00:20:39] There was a sickness
[00:20:40] This is in the time before
[00:20:42] SIGARETS were outlawed
[00:20:43] In doors
[00:20:44] And there was a cigarette machine
[00:20:47] And we begged
[00:20:48] The guy behind the bus
[00:20:50] And can you turn off the cigarette
[00:20:51] Can you just
[00:20:52] Block the access to the cigarette machine
[00:20:54] Because it's right next to the stage
[00:20:55] You went
[00:20:56] No money
[00:20:57] And all the way through the gig
[00:20:59] Just streams of people
[00:21:00] Just coming up
[00:21:01] Getting fat
[00:21:02] And of course
[00:21:03] In the end
[00:21:03] Do you remember the old ones
[00:21:04] You're trying to compete against that
[00:21:12] God
[00:21:12] Yeah, they're terrible
[00:21:15] Music venues
[00:21:16] Purpose built music venues
[00:21:19] I disagree with you
[00:21:20] Because they are
[00:21:21] The ones that I've played
[00:21:22] Especially the small music venues
[00:21:24] Are absolutely perfect for comedy
[00:21:28] When they're only having comedy on
[00:21:30] Though
[00:21:30] Not when they're mixing with bands
[00:21:32] That's why I meant
[00:21:34] But that's different
[00:21:34] That's a line up
[00:21:36] Balls up
[00:21:36] It's not a space problem
[00:21:38] The space is perfect
[00:21:40] Because the sound is brilliant
[00:21:42] The stages aren't that high
[00:21:43] Unless they've got those
[00:21:45] Barrier at the front
[00:21:46] To stop people from diving on stage
[00:21:48] I'm thinking it's a comedy gig
[00:21:50] I will not be stage diving tonight
[00:21:52] You don't have to worry about this
[00:21:53] But apart from that
[00:21:55] Ladies are right
[00:21:56] Size
[00:21:56] Lights are good
[00:21:57] Sound is excellent
[00:21:58] You're arguing about doing gigs with bands
[00:22:01] Different thing
[00:22:02] Should happen
[00:22:04] But obviously I've done it
[00:22:05] Like you have
[00:22:06] There's a famous
[00:22:07] I remind it when I saw Ron
[00:22:09] Well, Brown quite recently
[00:22:10] I reminded him of this gig
[00:22:11] That it was with
[00:22:13] The pop rock combo
[00:22:15] The Redskins
[00:22:16] Who were a left wing skinned band
[00:22:18] In the 90s
[00:22:19] 80s and 90s
[00:22:20] At the mean fitler in Halston
[00:22:23] First by the way
[00:22:24] The Redskins were adamant
[00:22:26] That they were going to go on first
[00:22:28] And then
[00:22:29] And then leave
[00:22:31] And then leave
[00:22:32] And it was absolutely
[00:22:33] They were quite famous at the time
[00:22:35] It was about 1988 or 89
[00:22:36] And they were big
[00:22:38] And then it was almost like
[00:22:39] On our knees just going
[00:22:41] Please for the love of God
[00:22:42] Don't do this
[00:22:44] And in the end
[00:22:45] You know what I mean
[00:22:46] It wasn't ideal
[00:22:47] So we'll go on first
[00:22:48] And then we'll go on at the end as well
[00:22:50] God
[00:22:51] And it was really hard
[00:22:53] But it's the only time I've ever seen
[00:22:55] On Brown
[00:22:55] For those people who know comedy
[00:22:57] Lose it
[00:22:59] He just
[00:22:59] Someone was heckling
[00:23:00] He was
[00:23:01] What the fuck did you say
[00:23:02] You can
[00:23:04] Can you imagine how the Browns say that
[00:23:07] But the problem with
[00:23:09] When you mix music
[00:23:10] And comedy is there's no seating
[00:23:12] For the audience
[00:23:14] Because it's a music gig for us
[00:23:16] I mean I too
[00:23:17] Open for
[00:23:19] Wasis named Alisa Graffine
[00:23:20] Uncannibals
[00:23:21] Ronan Gift
[00:23:23] And I did two
[00:23:25] Christmas tours with him
[00:23:27] And he's banned
[00:23:28] I had to think
[00:23:29] How am I going to survive here
[00:23:31] And then of course I realised the good way to survive
[00:23:33] He was to take the piss out of him
[00:23:35] So which is what I did
[00:23:36] Which is I did a
[00:23:39] A karaoke
[00:23:40] Who can sing like Ronan the Gift
[00:23:43] Competition
[00:23:44] Johnair
[00:23:45] John Arhol
[00:23:46] And I started it
[00:23:48] I started it
[00:23:49] How
[00:23:50] How
[00:23:52] How
[00:23:53] How
[00:23:54] And get these reconsistors
[00:23:56] And I'll ask each one every night
[00:23:59] So what's your favourite album
[00:24:01] From Find Uncannibals
[00:24:02] And every night they went
[00:24:04] The best of
[00:24:10] Yes
[00:24:11] Committed fans
[00:24:12] And committed
[00:24:16] Golf clubs
[00:24:16] I'm going to go into that
[00:24:18] Because sport and clubs
[00:24:19] Can be tough
[00:24:20] Right
[00:24:20] I mean rugby clubs
[00:24:22] Can be awful
[00:24:23] Well you think they can be
[00:24:25] You think that rugby clubs
[00:24:27] And football clubs
[00:24:29] Cricket clubs I've done lots of them
[00:24:30] And I'm certainly you have as well
[00:24:32] Yeah they
[00:24:33] But mainly
[00:24:34] What happens is none of the team
[00:24:37] All the supporters
[00:24:38] Turn up for the gig
[00:24:39] Yeah
[00:24:40] It's normally
[00:24:42] Comedy fans will turn up
[00:24:44] They normally
[00:24:45] Really nice gigs
[00:24:46] Was I did a
[00:24:47] Cricket club in Yorkshire
[00:24:49] And
[00:24:50] I just walked past the notice boards
[00:24:52] And the name of the Child Protection Officer
[00:24:55] Was Brian Fiddler
[00:24:56] And that was
[00:24:57] Oh God
[00:24:58] That's brilliant
[00:24:59] I'm sorry Brian
[00:25:00] If you're watching or listening to this
[00:25:02] But I had a really good laugh at you
[00:25:07] That's excellent
[00:25:09] Yeah but what's so bad about golf clubs
[00:25:12] Golf clubs is the golfers turn up
[00:25:14] Small businessmen
[00:25:16] Builders who have done well
[00:25:18] Or
[00:25:19] Nobody just asked us all men
[00:25:21] And
[00:25:22] And they feel
[00:25:23] You're in their space
[00:25:24] You're not in a comedy space
[00:25:27] You're in their space
[00:25:29] Yeah
[00:25:30] And they tend not to be
[00:25:31] Yeah that their aunt's folder
[00:25:33] Go make me make me laugh
[00:25:35] That sort of attitude about them
[00:25:36] Yeah
[00:25:37] Yeah
[00:25:38] So I don't like them
[00:25:39] I'll give you that one
[00:25:40] I'll give you that one
[00:25:41] Yeah
[00:25:42] And then afterwards
[00:25:43] They don't heckle you
[00:25:44] They just put like
[00:25:45] There's nothing and they put a little black ball
[00:25:47] And then they or whatever it is
[00:25:49] Yeah
[00:25:49] How do they vote each other
[00:25:50] I've never understood that
[00:25:52] Well that's the Mason's isn't it
[00:25:53] It's the Mason's
[00:25:54] It's the golf club thing as well
[00:25:56] Really they got black balls there
[00:25:58] Yeah they
[00:25:58] I thought they were white
[00:26:01] That was a good little one too
[00:26:03] And we both got the same
[00:26:06] Top worst gig up here which is
[00:26:08] Hotel
[00:26:09] Bucking function rooms
[00:26:10] Oh so I've got it number four
[00:26:13] Oh have you?
[00:26:14] In fact I've got it in mind
[00:26:15] I took it out and put nightclubs in
[00:26:18] Oh
[00:26:19] You got it
[00:26:20] Because they're soulless
[00:26:21] They can be really really soulless
[00:26:23] In their function rooms
[00:26:25] Yeah
[00:26:26] And I've had things where they
[00:26:27] Put on barely any effort at all
[00:26:30] Once I turned up to a place
[00:26:33] It's in a hotel
[00:26:34] And they had no stage, no microphone
[00:26:37] No light
[00:26:38] No anything
[00:26:39] And then the
[00:26:40] Propias of the hotel came up to us
[00:26:42] They said
[00:26:43] Well we just thought you could do some table comedy
[00:26:46] And just walk around
[00:26:47] And just tell your jokes
[00:26:49] To the people at the table
[00:26:51] Regicians in the other day
[00:26:52] And they were very successful at it
[00:26:54] And switch I said no
[00:26:56] Fucking way
[00:26:58] Oh my god
[00:26:59] No way
[00:27:00] There is so much thing
[00:27:01] As table comedy
[00:27:03] Close
[00:27:04] Close table comedy
[00:27:05] Yeah
[00:27:07] Go up to someone
[00:27:08] In the midst of
[00:27:09] You know a roast beef and Yorkshire pudding
[00:27:11] And go
[00:27:12] Excuse me
[00:27:13] So there was this rearrangement
[00:27:14] Where did you depart
[00:27:16] Yeah exactly
[00:27:16] Not that we even do that
[00:27:18] You'd have to go
[00:27:19] Well I was bored of it and blah
[00:27:21] To all you
[00:27:22] You just can't do it
[00:27:24] And yeah they don't
[00:27:25] Could give a shit about how to set the comedy thing up
[00:27:27] But the most precious thing in their lives
[00:27:30] Is the sprung dance floor
[00:27:31] It's like they're precious isn't it
[00:27:32] Don't touch sprung dance floor
[00:27:35] It's just a lot of times
[00:27:36] Oh no no no
[00:27:37] You can't have a chair on that
[00:27:38] Thousands of pounds
[00:27:39] So if they've
[00:27:40] Sprung dance floor
[00:27:41] Yeah
[00:27:42] You can't touch that
[00:27:43] Yeah
[00:27:44] That's what you don't want
[00:27:45] Within high heels
[00:27:45] It's going to cause no
[00:27:46] No damage
[00:27:47] Do it at all
[00:27:49] When she's doing the waffles
[00:27:50] It's super fine
[00:27:53] So it'll be a vast
[00:27:55] Cousin between you and the audience
[00:27:57] Here's a megaphone
[00:27:58] Oh god some of the worst gigs ever
[00:28:00] Is that massive gap
[00:28:02] Yeah yeah
[00:28:03] It's not rich
[00:28:03] You can't do it
[00:28:04] No
[00:28:05] I mean
[00:28:05] I think we might have talked about this before
[00:28:07] But that's the worst
[00:28:08] Some of the worst deaths
[00:28:09] In fact probably the worst death of my career
[00:28:12] Was exactly that situation
[00:28:13] Sprung dance floor
[00:28:14] Eight miles away
[00:28:15] The audience
[00:28:16] Also radio mic
[00:28:18] That when you got to the edge of the dance floor
[00:28:20] Stop walking
[00:28:21] Oh my god
[00:28:23] There's one that we can't mention
[00:28:25] But people might know where it is
[00:28:27] Where the floor in front of you
[00:28:29] Is like a giant
[00:28:31] Board of checkers
[00:28:32] Like the
[00:28:33] The lit up dance floor
[00:28:35] From Saturday night fever
[00:28:36] Yeah
[00:28:37] You know that's what that gets us to nightclubs
[00:28:39] Which is very very nicely done there
[00:28:43] Steve
[00:28:43] I didn't even use it for you into this
[00:28:46] Yeah nightclubs
[00:28:48] Oh god
[00:28:49] I'm not saying all of them
[00:28:51] But I'm saying most of them
[00:28:53] I mean
[00:28:54] So okay
[00:28:55] No sprung dance floor
[00:28:56] But sticky floor
[00:28:58] Yes
[00:28:59] I've ever seen a cleaner
[00:29:00] In this venue
[00:29:02] There were a mop
[00:29:03] Before the show started
[00:29:05] And I'm saying
[00:29:06] Was that the mop up the comedian's tears
[00:29:08] Was it
[00:29:08] No
[00:29:08] I think she was putting the sticky on
[00:29:10] She was
[00:29:11] Because at the end of it
[00:29:13] So what you put
[00:29:14] What you got in that mop bucket
[00:29:15] You've got some beer
[00:29:16] A bit of vomit
[00:29:17] Some you were in
[00:29:19] Cheering gum
[00:29:20] Yeah, blue tack
[00:29:22] Bostic
[00:29:24] But the thing about nightclubs
[00:29:26] Is one
[00:29:27] In a place that plays music
[00:29:29] Really loud and has speakers
[00:29:30] In every single orifice
[00:29:32] How come the sound is always terrible
[00:29:35] In a nightclub
[00:29:37] Two
[00:29:38] You're not the main point of the evening
[00:29:40] For most of the people who come to a nice
[00:29:43] At a nightclub
[00:29:44] You're checking
[00:29:45] You're checking
[00:29:46] Holy
[00:29:47] Holy, there's people
[00:29:48] A little gentile about this
[00:29:50] And the fact they have group bookings
[00:29:53] Of
[00:29:54] Hen
[00:29:54] And Steg
[00:29:55] And Berthday
[00:29:57] And I wish wakes would turn up
[00:29:59] It would improve the atmosphere
[00:30:00] But they don't
[00:30:01] I tell you one of the worst kicks ever
[00:30:03] It's way back in the 80s
[00:30:05] Like in the 80s when I was in skin video
[00:30:07] But we turned up to this nightclub
[00:30:08] In Blackpool
[00:30:10] And when we got there
[00:30:11] There was just a dance floor obviously
[00:30:13] Huge days where the DJ
[00:30:15] He was like God
[00:30:17] You know
[00:30:17] And then you were in front of that
[00:30:19] On the dance floor
[00:30:21] And there was no sound
[00:30:24] So this is actually true
[00:30:25] We went to the guy who was running it
[00:30:27] So um
[00:30:29] Have you got
[00:30:29] Have you got any microphones
[00:30:31] And the way he replies
[00:30:32] Just
[00:30:32] Microphones
[00:30:37] Just like you'd never heard of it before
[00:30:40] Got one for him
[00:30:42] Yeah the other thing
[00:30:43] The microphones
[00:30:44] Performing in front of a DJ
[00:30:47] Why would why do they always have to stand behind you
[00:30:50] Why they always men
[00:30:52] Why they always men
[00:30:53] Older than most people that go to nightclub
[00:30:55] And why do they always got
[00:30:57] No you can't use your mic
[00:30:58] You can't
[00:30:59] Why not
[00:31:00] Well
[00:31:01] No no it's just my special
[00:31:03] It's my special my hair
[00:31:05] Makes me
[00:31:06] They're not like that
[00:31:07] But when we get on the microphone
[00:31:08] They sound like this
[00:31:10] That's a true story
[00:31:11] But we did
[00:31:12] Well I can say it now
[00:31:13] Because it's gone
[00:31:13] Tiger Tiger imports with
[00:31:15] And it was an awful awful gig
[00:31:18] And so as you well know
[00:31:19] I was waiting for that
[00:31:20] So if you didn't mention it
[00:31:21] I was just going to say
[00:31:22] But people who are playing
[00:31:24] You should have been here last week
[00:31:25] Bingo
[00:31:26] This is the moment
[00:31:26] You get your card out
[00:31:27] And we're going to say
[00:31:28] John Smith
[00:31:29] Yeah
[00:31:30] Yeah
[00:31:31] And what it was was
[00:31:33] We were all doing a sound check
[00:31:34] Especially me as a musician
[00:31:36] But we're not
[00:31:37] I was like
[00:31:38] So and then the DJ was doing a sound check
[00:31:40] After he's like
[00:31:41] Oh welcome to everybody
[00:31:43] Or the owner of car 3, 5, 5, 4, 5, 4, 5, 4
[00:31:45] Please move it
[00:31:46] So I actually went up
[00:31:48] And I said
[00:31:49] Excuse me
[00:31:50] You know
[00:31:50] You can see our sounds really bad
[00:31:52] Can we use yours
[00:31:53] And you just looked at me and
[00:31:54] Went
[00:31:55] Nope
[00:31:55] No
[00:31:56] And we all
[00:31:57] Went it's like going over the top
[00:31:59] The first one
[00:31:59] We all just died horribly
[00:32:01] And then he came on afterwards
[00:32:04] Went well that was the comedy
[00:32:06] If you can call it
[00:32:07] That's a lot
[00:32:09] God
[00:32:10] I hate them
[00:32:10] Why did they only compete with us
[00:32:12] We're not in the same businesses
[00:32:14] But they never they're never helpful
[00:32:16] And I always make the same joke
[00:32:18] Which they hate
[00:32:19] And then go obviously
[00:32:20] You can see the DJ
[00:32:22] Behind me because he's a great fan
[00:32:24] Of my ass
[00:32:24] And why shouldn't he be
[00:32:26] I've got a fantastic ass
[00:32:28] Are you digging this up
[00:32:29] One
[00:32:30] Are you liking it
[00:32:31] You liking this
[00:32:32] I'm going to shake that tush
[00:32:34] I think I'll do you say that about me
[00:32:36] I'll do
[00:32:37] Oh yeah
[00:32:38] Sorry
[00:32:39] Worse when I did
[00:32:40] Watford
[00:32:41] I can't remember if it's a prison
[00:32:44] It was jungler's Watford
[00:32:47] Sound was so awful
[00:32:50] Is when
[00:32:50] Yeah
[00:32:51] Because yes
[00:32:51] jungler's Watford used to be in the venue
[00:32:53] Which he used to have a little stage
[00:32:55] But there's your honor, wasn't it
[00:32:57] Yeah
[00:32:57] Was your honor
[00:32:58] Yeah
[00:32:58] No, Oshonin was the other one
[00:33:00] There's the one I'm talking about
[00:33:01] So
[00:33:02] They moved over the road
[00:33:03] From that venue when they split
[00:33:05] junglers paying highlights
[00:33:06] And junglers
[00:33:07] They moved to Oshiania
[00:33:09] A huge cabin of a building
[00:33:12] Sound was ridiculous
[00:33:14] Just couldn't
[00:33:14] They couldn't hear us
[00:33:16] And I was on with Adam Bloom
[00:33:17] The rest of us all died
[00:33:18] Adam Bloom just went
[00:33:20] Fuck this
[00:33:21] Jumped off the stage
[00:33:23] Solder people at the front
[00:33:25] To go back
[00:33:25] Because he's going to stand on their table
[00:33:27] Still on their table
[00:33:29] Shout it is act
[00:33:31] And survived
[00:33:32] And we were pulled in at the end
[00:33:34] Because he did what he had to do
[00:33:36] I just want to wait on my way
[00:33:38] To do that gig from the train station
[00:33:39] And as I was coming past
[00:33:41] I met Mike Gunn
[00:33:42] Who'd been opening
[00:33:43] And as we passed
[00:33:44] You know, had a really
[00:33:46] Bad look on his face
[00:33:47] And I said
[00:33:47] What was it like
[00:33:48] And he just looked at me
[00:33:49] And he went
[00:33:50] What do you think
[00:33:54] And you know what
[00:33:55] When I got there
[00:33:56] He was absolutely right
[00:33:57] Yeah
[00:33:58] It was horrible
[00:33:58] I actually got mucked
[00:34:00] On the way back
[00:34:01] Because the long walk back to the train station
[00:34:02] And some bloke
[00:34:04] Trying to take the guitar off me
[00:34:05] And when I resisted
[00:34:06] He really punched me hard in the face
[00:34:09] But I never lost me grip on the guitar
[00:34:12] And that's how he punched me again
[00:34:14] And what is it about you
[00:34:15] And people just want into punch you
[00:34:17] I mean
[00:34:18] Yeah
[00:34:18] I've got a punch in the face
[00:34:20] In the comedy
[00:34:21] In the bingo card
[00:34:22] People here who listen to this
[00:34:24] Gunn Steve gets attacked
[00:34:26] Again
[00:34:26] Take that one off
[00:34:28] That's the first
[00:34:29] It's in time I've ever been
[00:34:30] No it's not
[00:34:30] No it's not
[00:34:31] You talk of these fine stories
[00:34:33] About people punching you
[00:34:34] On this show
[00:34:35] So that was on
[00:34:36] I think
[00:34:36] That was on stage
[00:34:37] That's different
[00:34:38] This was off stage
[00:34:38] Oh right
[00:34:39] What I'm going to say is
[00:34:40] What I'm going to say is
[00:34:41] I was rescued by a black cab driver
[00:34:43] How often does that happen
[00:34:44] But it's actually
[00:34:45] Probably more pleasurable
[00:34:47] than the actual gig had come from
[00:34:49] Oh right
[00:34:50] So it's in a bad mood anyway
[00:34:52] It's just had come from Oceana
[00:34:53] I thought
[00:34:54] How much worse can this night get
[00:34:57] And then suddenly
[00:34:57] Give that
[00:34:58] Give that guitar to me
[00:35:00] Yeah
[00:35:01] I
[00:35:01] In retrospect
[00:35:02] I should have let him have the guitar
[00:35:04] Yeah
[00:35:04] And the capo
[00:35:05] And the capo as well
[00:35:06] No
[00:35:06] It didn't want the capo
[00:35:08] He was not
[00:35:08] He was not on fame
[00:35:09] I want the platforms
[00:35:12] Not the red ones
[00:35:14] But then
[00:35:15] All of them
[00:35:17] All of them
[00:35:18] So have we done everything
[00:35:19] We've done all the bad things
[00:35:21] No we haven't done
[00:35:23] Restaurant
[00:35:24] Restaurant in with the window
[00:35:26] Anything that's got
[00:35:28] I mean it's could also be bars
[00:35:30] But if you've got
[00:35:32] Window behind you
[00:35:33] Or window next to you
[00:35:35] People look out of the window
[00:35:37] And the other thing that happens is
[00:35:39] People look in the window
[00:35:41] And comments
[00:35:42] On what you're doing
[00:35:44] From a really safe space
[00:35:46] Well we know about that
[00:35:47] Well don't we
[00:35:48] We've mentioned it
[00:35:48] We can mention it because
[00:35:50] It's no longer there
[00:35:51] The one that was in Bristol
[00:35:53] Yeah
[00:35:54] Where we were both did that gig
[00:35:56] And the people were walking past
[00:35:58] And they would knock on the window and go
[00:35:59] Like that
[00:36:00] He was outside
[00:36:04] Yeah
[00:36:05] It's no good going
[00:36:06] We've got your money
[00:36:07] Oh shit we haven't
[00:36:08] Um
[00:36:08] No
[00:36:09] Yeah
[00:36:09] That was a
[00:36:10] Fucking tell
[00:36:11] He's gonna fill in two minutes
[00:36:13] Until the number 22 arrives
[00:36:14] And he can go on
[00:36:18] Was that the venue court?
[00:36:19] Was it gestures
[00:36:20] I think it was wasn't it
[00:36:21] Yes it was
[00:36:22] That's one of his names
[00:36:23] Yeah or because they had a lovely
[00:36:25] Brilliant room upstairs
[00:36:27] That they hired out to a
[00:36:28] Samber night
[00:36:29] As it was chaos and mayhem
[00:36:30] Just fake strains of
[00:36:32] Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun
[00:36:34] Yeah
[00:36:35] On their sprung dance floor
[00:36:37] You got to remember a lot of people
[00:36:39] Really don't trust all like comedians
[00:36:42] And you
[00:36:43] We make them everywhere
[00:36:44] You make them at gigs
[00:36:46] Yeah then sometimes they're the organizers
[00:36:48] All the people who have had
[00:36:49] Comedy foisted upon them
[00:36:51] And for them it's just a pain in the ass
[00:36:54] Yeah they just
[00:36:55] They tell me we've got
[00:36:56] We've all the tables
[00:36:57] We've got we've all the chairs
[00:36:59] Round
[00:37:00] You know they come in
[00:37:02] Yeah they think there's something
[00:37:03] Don't they
[00:37:04] With their fun in us tricking you
[00:37:05] In the laugh
[00:37:06] In
[00:37:06] Tricking yeah
[00:37:07] Hahaha
[00:37:11] Very true
[00:37:11] Yeah
[00:37:12] Yeah
[00:37:12] The final one actually is
[00:37:15] pub
[00:37:16] Corner of a pub
[00:37:18] Not paying
[00:37:19] I mean
[00:37:20] Okay
[00:37:21] I'm going to qualify this
[00:37:22] By saying I do realize
[00:37:24] That open spot comedy
[00:37:26] There's many gigs that are in this situation
[00:37:30] Mainly because
[00:37:32] They're not going to charge you
[00:37:33] To put comedy in the corner
[00:37:35] Of the bar
[00:37:37] With the punters
[00:37:38] Just barely taking notice
[00:37:40] They're quite happy to do that
[00:37:42] And if you're booking the 15 comics
[00:37:44] They're thinking well at least one of them
[00:37:46] Is going to buy a drink
[00:37:47] Rather than soda water and lime
[00:37:48] And we're going to make money
[00:37:50] On a Tuesday night
[00:37:52] So I know not against that
[00:37:54] You have to you know when you start
[00:37:56] Yeah, you're going to be in that situation
[00:37:58] And you can learn a lot from being
[00:37:59] That in that situation
[00:38:00] Because it's um
[00:38:01] Not a good one to be in
[00:38:03] And if you can get last there
[00:38:06] You're good
[00:38:06] You won't
[00:38:07] You're starting to get good
[00:38:08] But I've done them
[00:38:09] And it's a different
[00:38:11] You just got to have so much more attack about you
[00:38:13] They're setting their usual chair
[00:38:15] In their usual place
[00:38:17] And you've come in
[00:38:19] And decided to talk to them
[00:38:21] When normally they're not even talking to each other
[00:38:23] Well I did work a gig once
[00:38:25] In a place called St. Talents
[00:38:26] And it was run by
[00:38:28] Well Johnny Vegas was involved in it
[00:38:31] But um
[00:38:32] We got to the pub
[00:38:34] And the guy would not turn
[00:38:35] Any of the
[00:38:36] Football Screens off
[00:38:39] So we had to do the gig
[00:38:41] And occasionally
[00:38:42] Ah
[00:38:43] Ah
[00:38:44] And you know
[00:38:46] You flat out refused a laminal just went
[00:38:48] Oh no, no
[00:38:50] The like the football
[00:38:51] The fruit machine
[00:38:52] Not turning the fruit machine off
[00:38:53] That plays tunes
[00:38:55] Not turning the music off
[00:38:57] Sometimes people use struggle to do that
[00:39:00] I've done a gig in the corner of a pub
[00:39:02] In Brighton
[00:39:03] It was England versus Germany
[00:39:04] And England won three two
[00:39:06] After being two-nil down
[00:39:08] Even I was not watching the comedy
[00:39:11] I was
[00:39:12] I was into the game
[00:39:14] Um
[00:39:16] And we begged him not to put the gig on
[00:39:19] But in the end he said
[00:39:20] I won't pay you unless you do the gig
[00:39:22] So we did the gig
[00:39:23] Everyone died
[00:39:24] And we took our money when I'm
[00:39:26] Yeah that's the funny thing is
[00:39:28] You've just touched on that
[00:39:29] The very high principle goes
[00:39:31] I can't possibly perform under these circumstances
[00:39:34] And then the guy goes
[00:39:35] Well if you don't perform
[00:39:36] You won't get any money here
[00:39:37] I find I've
[00:39:38] I've suddenly changed my mind
[00:39:40] I can't perform
[00:39:42] My principles
[00:39:43] I worth this much
[00:39:45] And then everyone just goes
[00:39:46] B-
[00:39:47] I'm happy to start
[00:39:49] The thing is
[00:39:50] When you know you're gonna die
[00:39:52] In that situation
[00:39:53] You just say all the acts
[00:39:55] We're gonna die
[00:39:56] Let's just enjoy our death as much as we can
[00:40:00] And go out
[00:40:01] And you're not going to really fight
[00:40:03] In the early days of the alternative comedy circuit
[00:40:06] When it was in its infancy
[00:40:08] Rooms above pubs were actually where it started
[00:40:10] And they were ideal
[00:40:12] Because they were sealed off from the rest of the pub
[00:40:15] You had to go upstairs to get them
[00:40:16] It was like it was always like a small theatre space
[00:40:19] I prefer the cellar under the pub
[00:40:23] Because I think it's one is the separate room
[00:40:26] Sometimes you seeming to have a separate entrance
[00:40:29] And the other thing is
[00:40:31] The ceilings are lower
[00:40:33] And
[00:40:34] It means that you get more benefit for your last
[00:40:37] So that would include places like townstairs
[00:40:39] At the King's Head
[00:40:40] Which is one of my favourite venues
[00:40:42] It is a great venue
[00:40:44] And there's something solubra us about a cellar
[00:40:46] Which suits comedy
[00:40:48] I know
[00:40:49] I tell you what, there was a place called
[00:40:51] Crown and Castle in Doldstone Junction
[00:40:53] I don't know if you remember it
[00:40:54] Yes, I used to drink in it
[00:40:56] One night
[00:40:57] He used to really fuck about and improvise
[00:41:00] And it was quite rough and feisty
[00:41:02] The audience were always heckling me
[00:41:04] Because
[00:41:06] But he said
[00:41:07] What do you want me to do in someone when
[00:41:09] Why don't you fuck off?
[00:41:11] You know, go outside and he goes
[00:41:12] Yeah, will
[00:41:13] And he opened the window
[00:41:14] And there was a narrow ledge
[00:41:16] On the window right back
[00:41:17] And he goes
[00:41:17] Yeah, I'll show you our brave arm
[00:41:18] And he went out to the window
[00:41:20] And he's walking up down
[00:41:20] And everyone's going
[00:41:22] Let somebody go on stage
[00:41:23] Just shut the window
[00:41:24] And looked at that
[00:41:25] Oh, I've seen that happen
[00:41:27] It was January
[00:41:28] And he nearly froze to death
[00:41:30] The end he was doing this
[00:41:33] All right
[00:41:33] Yeah, I realized that
[00:41:34] Yeah, let us back in and he went
[00:41:36] No mate
[00:41:37] No mate
[00:41:37] Oh, it's fucking chaos
[00:41:39] Captain Heading, Islington
[00:41:40] Had a little ledge
[00:41:42] And bit outside the window
[00:41:43] And there was a couple of acts
[00:41:44] That used to know it
[00:41:46] A bloke called
[00:41:47] Arlo
[00:41:47] A couple of years second name
[00:41:49] But he used to just jump out the window
[00:41:51] So did Jimbo
[00:41:52] Go, that's it
[00:41:53] I read it
[00:41:54] Just jump out the window
[00:41:55] And everyone think they
[00:41:55] They've actually killed themselves
[00:41:57] Then he's headed to stick back up again
[00:41:58] And go
[00:41:59] No, I'm okay
[00:42:00] Okay
[00:42:04] Yeah, really when he came back up
[00:42:06] I mean you just reminded me
[00:42:07] I just want to tell that one story
[00:42:09] Of the worst gigs I've ever had
[00:42:11] When I did a corporate gig
[00:42:13] The stage
[00:42:13] There was no stage
[00:42:15] I was using the same equipment
[00:42:17] As the DJ
[00:42:18] I was under
[00:42:20] The spiral staircase
[00:42:23] Between
[00:42:24] The top restaurant
[00:42:25] And the bottom restaurants
[00:42:27] And the whole way through my set
[00:42:29] People just go
[00:42:29] Excuse me mate
[00:42:30] Coming right across the front
[00:42:33] And going
[00:42:34] Up the spiral staircase
[00:42:36] And I only lasted about
[00:42:38] Oh, it must be like 15 minutes at tops
[00:42:40] And the woman who'd organised
[00:42:41] It was in the back doing the famous
[00:42:44] That's it
[00:42:47] There was no way you were going to get their attention
[00:42:50] I was literally under the stairs
[00:42:52] Oh god, it was horrible
[00:42:54] Horrible, horrible
[00:42:56] Yeah, sounds like a children story
[00:42:58] That doesn't it
[00:42:58] The comic under the stairs
[00:43:00] The comic under the stairs
[00:43:01] He'd been fucking retarded
[00:43:02] He'd been fucking retarded
[00:43:06] So in terms of the bottom
[00:43:08] Worst one
[00:43:09] Up in the corner of a bar
[00:43:11] Number two
[00:43:13] Oh
[00:43:14] Because we never did Zoom gigs
[00:43:15] Which of course I find
[00:43:16] Bloody awful
[00:43:18] Yeah, they were terrible
[00:43:19] But I'll let you have
[00:43:21] What was your choice
[00:43:23] Hotel Function Rooms
[00:43:26] So
[00:43:27] I'll tell you what
[00:43:27] We're going to put restaurant number two
[00:43:29] Hotel Function Rooms
[00:43:31] Number three
[00:43:32] Yeah
[00:43:34] Nightclubs I think got me number four
[00:43:36] Oh yeah
[00:43:38] And what was your
[00:43:39] I had golf clubs number five and you had what
[00:43:42] I had theatre four years or anywhere outdoors
[00:43:45] I mean golf clubs I think should go in
[00:43:47] Golf clubs
[00:43:48] I mean
[00:43:48] So that's our bottom five
[00:43:52] And
[00:43:53] Oh top five working up from number five
[00:43:56] I had Village Hall but you
[00:43:58] What did you have
[00:43:59] Yeah
[00:44:00] I had
[00:44:01] Rumor puff and pub
[00:44:04] I don't mind
[00:44:05] I mean
[00:44:06] Village Hall so
[00:44:07] I'll let you have that one
[00:44:09] Okay
[00:44:09] Village Hall
[00:44:10] And then I've got pub seller
[00:44:12] And that should be versus
[00:44:13] Rumor puff and pub
[00:44:14] You want
[00:44:14] You could put both
[00:44:15] Oh
[00:44:16] Put them both in
[00:44:18] I think what we should say is
[00:44:19] pub with designated space
[00:44:22] For comedy
[00:44:23] Upstairs
[00:44:24] pub upstairs downstairs
[00:44:25] Yeah upstairs downstairs
[00:44:27] Yeah
[00:44:28] And then
[00:44:29] I've got theatre studio space
[00:44:32] Yeah I'll give you that
[00:44:33] That's very similar to arts
[00:44:35] And so
[00:44:36] Yeah
[00:44:37] Yeah
[00:44:38] And then theatre stage
[00:44:40] I put above it
[00:44:40] I don't know if you had those two
[00:44:41] The other way around
[00:44:42] No
[00:44:43] I had theatre stage
[00:44:45] Because that's fantastic
[00:44:46] And number one
[00:44:48] For the fourth
[00:44:49] You fifth consecutive year
[00:44:51] It's your purpose built
[00:44:53] Comedy venue
[00:44:53] Even though I know the comedy store
[00:44:56] Initially wasn't in a purpose built venue
[00:44:58] But we still like those
[00:44:59] And as many others
[00:45:01] I'll be doing one
[00:45:03] Quite soon in Hull
[00:45:04] Which is quite like
[00:45:05] Old comedy lounge
[00:45:07] So yeah
[00:45:08] The other comedy comes
[00:45:09] Are available
[00:45:10] Like the Glee Club
[00:45:11] Or the stand
[00:45:12] Or
[00:45:13] Yeah
[00:45:13] The slate
[00:45:14] Where the actual purpose
[00:45:16] Of the thing
[00:45:17] Is to watch comedy
[00:45:18] And to enjoy it
[00:45:20] Who you
[00:45:22] Havens of the comedy art form
[00:45:24] Havens
[00:45:25] Yes
[00:45:27] So that's our list then
[00:45:28] So what I might do
[00:45:30] Is I put the list up
[00:45:31] I might even make a little film
[00:45:33] Of the list
[00:45:34] A little countdown
[00:45:35] Yeah
[00:45:36] We could actually put it out
[00:45:37] To the audience themselves
[00:45:38] Send us in your favourites
[00:45:40] You can name them if you want
[00:45:42] In there
[00:45:42] But send us your favourite type
[00:45:44] Spaces
[00:45:45] Spaces
[00:45:46] Spaces
[00:45:48] So any comedians watching this
[00:45:49] You want to tell us which ones you prefer
[00:45:51] If you differ
[00:45:52] And say
[00:45:53] Well wait a minute
[00:45:53] You should have put that in
[00:45:55] Then tell us about it
[00:45:56] Pause this bit
[00:45:57] You know
[00:45:57] And we've asked you a question
[00:45:59] Give us some of your answers
[00:46:01] Yeah just generally spread the love around
[00:46:04] And help us become
[00:46:05] One of the biggest podcasts
[00:46:06] In the history
[00:46:07] Of recorded comedy
[00:46:09] Yes
[00:46:10] I wonder the biggest niche podcast
[00:46:11] I return that in our first two weeks
[00:46:14] We were 138
[00:46:15] In the world
[00:46:18] Yes I do it
[00:46:19] Yes
[00:46:20] Truly poor
[00:46:21] We are the sprung dance floor
[00:46:23] Of comedy podcasts
[00:46:25] Yes
[00:46:26] We're like the 138th spring
[00:46:28] In a sprung dance floor
[00:46:31] The most important one
[00:46:32] Right near the edge
[00:46:36] Anyway thank you very much
[00:46:38] For watching listening
[00:46:39] And that's it for this week
[00:46:41] I think, isn't it
[00:46:42] Yeah is
[00:46:43] We're going now
[00:46:45] No more stuff for you
[00:46:47] Bye
[00:46:52] I swear
[00:46:53] You should have been here last week
[00:46:56] Oh yeah
[00:46:57] You should have been here last week
[00:47:07] This show is part of
[00:47:08] Padomati
[00:47:09] The podcast comedy network
[00:47:11] We're the best kept secret on a cast
[00:47:15] Why not laugh as what else we've got
[00:47:18] Check out Padomati.com now
[00:47:21] You