Rewind: Swimming

[00:00:00] This show is nominated for a 2026 Golden Lobes Podcast Award. Get in! Rewind, do you swim in the sea much? Rewind No. On holidays, sure. Rewind But in Ireland? No. Rewind Do you have a fear for the sea or just a healthy respect? Rewind Oh, I have a healthy respect for the sea. I don't take any risks or anything. Rewind Yeah. Rewind But I am a bit put off by what's in the sea on this side of the country. Is that fair to say?

[00:00:27] Rewind Yeah, absolutely. No, I mean, I was away on holidays earlier this summer. And then I came home and I was in Dublin for a few days. And the weather was incredible. And now I'm down the west. But I was like, oh, I should go for a swim. And then I'm like, you know what, I'm going to be in the Atlantic in like four days time. Why would I go down to Sea Point, which is fine for everyone who swims in Sea Point. But there's a scummy layer on top. You know, there's...

[00:00:57] Rewind Always issues with sewage, you know? Rewind Yeah. Rewind Yeah. Rewind And you're just like, of course, it's still great because you're getting in the sea. And for the people who are only able to swim there, that's fine. It looks amazing. But I'm afraid I was kind of an Atlantic snob. And I was like, yeah, I'm just gonna wait for that.

[00:01:12] Rewind What do you make of this, right? So I suggested to a group of friends that we should go to this place on the Shannon that looks like kind of a real life total wipeout. You know, it's like all these inflated stuff. I was like, this looks amazing. I suggested it, spearheaded it. And then I saw something on Instagram about avoiding swimming in fresh water because of it's very... Potentially, you're more likely to get sick.

[00:01:34] Rewind So I had to then roll back on it. And that just... I would swim in the sea, even on the East Coast soon, and I would swim in a lake or a... Because I didn't realise this. You know when you see these amazing photos of glaciers and people drinking out of glaciers and stuff? Apparently you should never do that because it's full of like basically prehistoric parasites and bacteria. It's not clean. Rewind I did it about three weeks ago. Rewind Oh God, what's in your system? Did they make you do it? Rewind Well, they were like, if you want to fill up your bottle there, yeah. There's a little waterfall coming down through the glacier.

[00:02:04] Rewind But see, at least that's moving water, I guess. Rewind Oh yeah, yeah. I don't think I'd scoop it out of a puddle. Rewind Yeah, I think even so though... I'm sorry, I'm not saying... You know, I think obviously it's not every time or whatever, but you'd think that like, oh, this is going to be the freshest, purest water. Rewind Yeah. Rewind But actually, it's also not filtered. Rewind So how long do you reckon I have left? Rewind I don't know. Apparently it can be bad for your good health. So all your little colonies that are in there, like you may have done a bit of like, a bit of damage.

[00:02:32] Rewind Yeah, but you talk about lakes and rivers. Lakes and rivers creep me out a bit, I think. Rewind Oh, lakes are so creepy. It couldn't pay me to swim in a lake. Rewind I have swum in a good few lakes, but I want to be able to see the bottom. I want to, which is my rule always in life. I also, I feel like, you know, like if you're in, I was in Lake Geneva one time. Rewind I love how posh I am in this episode. I shall not swim in Seapoint. It is too dirty for me. I shall swim in Lake Geneva. Rewind Just like Geneva. Rewind We've swum in Lake Como, the two of us.

[00:03:02] Rewind That's true. But there was like a little beach. I think in Geneva there was even a lifeguard or things. And I swum in lakes up the mountains and things. Rewind But I remember reading a book called Moss Flower. It's in the Redwall series, my favourite series of all time. Rewind Yeah. Rewind And there's a bit where these different characters are fighting and then one of them starts backing into the river and then they suddenly disappear. And the other characters are like, yeah, potholes, bottomless holes of mud. And I was like, oh my God.

[00:03:30] Rewind Oh my God. Yeah, that's the thing about the muddy finish. I'm reading about glacier water here. So yeah, you're at the risk of animal and birds leaving waste and then heavy metals. And that's why you know the way you see people and they have their little water purification tablets. Rewind Yeah. Rewind Yes, that's what you need to do the next time. And actually, have you ever seen, is it called Outlast on Netflix where they send, I think Michael would absolutely love to do, where you go and you live in the Alaskan wilderness and you have to survive.

[00:03:55] Rewind Okay. Rewind And sometimes somebody will get too lazy to boil the water and they'll drink it out of a stream. And this is in like the most beautiful part of Alaska and they always end up pretty sick. And then you should be airlifted off with diarrhea. Rewind It's not a good look. Rewind No, no, it's not. Swimming in the sea though on holidays, obviously, wonderful. Rewind Swimming in the sea is great. And you swim in a pool. You're a big pool swimmer. Rewind I was there not two hours ago. Rewind Fair play to you. Rewind I don't do, I don't really do any swimming though. I don't really do any swimming in the pool. Rewind It's a jacuzzi and steam room.

[00:04:24] Rewind Well, I bob around the pool. I float, I talk, I bask. Rewind Do you have your pals there? Do you have your regular pool pals? Rewind Yeah. Oh yeah, big time, big time. And also I've started to go at a slightly different time and then you accumulate new different pool pals. And it's great. But then equally when you bump into them in the changing room, Rewind You both have to continue the conversation where you're trying to get changed. That's quite tricky, I would say. Rewind Yeah. Rewind Yeah. Rewind Yeah. Rewind Because you're like, what is the etiquette here? Like, do you just keep, I think you just keep going because it's weirder if you make a song and dance out of it.

[00:04:53] Rewind Yeah. Is there, I mean, I feel like how have we not talked about this in 240 episodes? It's such a tired old trope. But you know, there's that idea of the man's changing room that the old man just drop everything and wander around naked and the younger men tend not to as much. Is there a similar thing in a female changing room?

[00:05:10] Rewind Not really. The vast majority of people are not too precious about it, but they're not too, you know, it's like, like, you change effect. I actually, I always find it a bit funny when somebody comes in. Oh, yeah, I was in there one day and a tourist came in and was like, sorry, is this the changing room? And I was like, you and you sometimes it's like you work there. I was like, yeah. Rewind Right in front of me.

[00:05:35] Rewind Right here. I was like, well, it's a big, like, locker room. And I was like, or there's toilets or showers down there if you want. And then she was like, where are the toilets? And I was like, I don't work here. So where do you get a towel? And this happened to me again. I was in a cafe that was closing. And so they stopped serving food at four and the waitresses had kind of pod. I was still there, like having coffee or whatever. And a woman came in and she was like, sorry, is anyone working here? And I was like, I don't know.

[00:05:59] I think they're around, but the kitchen closes at four. And she was like, much time to reopen that. And you were like, I don't work here. I was kind of in trouble. You know, you're responsible all of a sudden. Rewind See, I had a laptop and maybe they thought I was like a lazy manager or something, you know, putting in a stock order. But it is a thing with swimming. And I think, yeah, not too precious about it. I think like on the beach, like. Rewind You think anything goes? Rewind Well, I don't think anything goes, but I think there's no shame if you're a bit bare bottomed for a bit.

[00:06:26] Rewind No, it's fine. But you swiftly are moving towards. Rewind Yeah, yeah. You're not standing out there hand on hip. Rewind Yeah. Rewind Yeah. I think it's actually weirder if you make a big song and dance about it. Do you know what I mean? Rewind Yeah. Rewind Yeah. Rewind Yeah. Or if you like get changed in your car or something. That's weird. Do you know what I mean? Rewind Do you always have a shower before you get into the pool? Rewind No. It's the worst part.

[00:06:52] Rewind I know. But how much are you meant to shower? Are you meant to get in there and really like. Rewind No, no. You're just meant to give it a little sluice, which, which, yeah, that's good. Rewind Sometimes I give the barest of sluices. Rewind The barest of sluices. Rewind It's only really only so that nobody can say anything to me. Rewind Yeah. Rewind Do you know what you don't see anymore? Do you remember when we were kids, if you're going into a pool, there was those weird foot baths? Rewind Yeah. Rewind Yeah. Rewind To stop Verrucas. Rewind What happened to them? Rewind That's a good point. Rewind And do you remember you couldn't get back in because once you went through?

[00:07:19] Rewind Oh yeah. It was, I mean, some of those pools were scary places. Rewind Oh, really scary places. Yeah. Rewind So the reason we're talking so much about swimming is this is another of our classic episodes that is joining you for the month of August on an aquatic theme. And we talk about swimming in this episode. You, Will and I had a great old chat. I mean, we say we talked about swimming. We talked about Will's finding Jesus for a bit as well, I think, didn't we? Rewind And the sacraments.

[00:07:44] Rewind The sacraments, yeah. Rewind Which is a favourite subject on the, I think it's so charming how charmed who everybody will, like he's a cultural exchange student. Rewind Yeah. Did you ever have a bit of an idea that you'd like to be dunked in like a river as a Baptist? Rewind So I knew somebody who went on a school tour to Israel. Now that I'm saying it sounds super weird. When I was a teenager and like this was a Dublin school and it was a tour of the Holy Land, I'm sure it was pitched as. And did they possibly get baptized, not baptized,

[00:08:12] but they got dunked in the river Jordan? Rewind Oh yeah. Rewind Is that a river Jordan? Rewind Yeah. Rewind Is that in Israel? Rewind I don't really know what to say what's in Israel and what's not in Israel. Rewind No, I don't like this at all. Rewind I don't want to do it. Rewind They definitely did a lot of splashing around, fun splashing around the Dead Sea, but I think there was some portion of, and I was kind of jealous of that because it looked very self-indulgent and fun. Rewind You have made that sound like Danny and Sandy in Greece. Rewind Splatting around in the Dead Sea.

[00:08:42] Rewind We had fun splashing around. Rewind Yeah, the controversial Israel region. Rewind Yeah, I mean, yeah. Rewind The Holy Ground. Rewind Yeah, I don't know. Rewind Is that a thing? It's not the Holy Land. Rewind It is the Holy Land, yeah. Rewind Would you have liked to be, to have been sort of more rigorously baptized? Rewind No, I mean, I think I have the very healthy skepticism

[00:09:08] of someone who was reared Irish Catholic for any religion that's got a bit too much pizzazz about it. Like I know the, I know Catholicism, there's a lot of pizzazz. Rewind There's quite a lot of pizzazz here. Rewind Yeah, but it's not really for us. It's more for the Pope and the priests and the church itself. You know? Rewind Like the idea of you, like, standing up in mass and like proclaiming something. I feel like that'd go down well in some evangelical situations.

[00:09:38] Rewind I think you have to do that. Rewind You'd be put in your place, I tell you, if you did that in Horse and Jockey on a Sunday morning. Horse and Jockey, just for anyone abroad, is an Irish town. Rewind Do you stop there on your way west? Rewind No, you don't stop anywhere anymore, won't you? This is the problem, you know? The motorways have taken all the romance out of it. And obviously it's great that it's now a four and a half hour drive and not a seven hour drive. God, I've never used to remember, do you know where I always hated with a passion? Rewind Where?

[00:10:07] Rewind Abbey Leakes Rewind Oh, I think it sounds so nice. Rewind It's a lovely town. But we used to hit it like 78% of the way home and we were still so far away. Rewind I used to, I don't know, have a real hatred for when we'd get the ferry back from France as kids and you'd stop in Cork. Obviously the ferry would arrive in Cork. Then you'd go through Mitchellstown. And I don't know why, because I knew Mitchellstown was nowhere near home. But the holiday's over at this stage. Do you know what I mean? Rewind Oh, you're a long way out, yeah. I was also probably getting sick as well.

[00:10:36] Rewind Are you one of those kids? Into the corridor? Rewind Ah, no. I'd always get to the lay-by, but, you know. Rewind Oh, God. Rewind I always thought those kids were just looking for attention. Rewind Oh, I don't think we were. I threw up on a ferry recently. Speaking of our nautical themed. Rewind Oh yeah, you did. Rewind I just threw up on a ferry from Picton to Wellington in New Zealand. Rewind Are you saying Wellington or Wollington? Rewind Wellington. Rewind Wellington. Rewind Wellington. Rewind The capital of New Zealand.

[00:11:06] Rewind Oh, right. I was like, there could be a place called Wollington that I didn't know about. Rewind You're right, there could be. Yeah, threw up on a ferry. Rewind Had you eaten something mad though? So many of your stories start with so I had. I ate every tiramisu on the table at a wedding. Rewind I might have had yogurt for breakfast. Rewind Okay, okay. Rewind That's not unusual. In fact, yogurt is meant to help the gut, isn't it? Rewind Yeah. You do have a bit of a record. Like if you're at any sort of a gala dinner or whatever, you'll eat every dessert, won't you? Rewind I feel really sick. Rewind I don't feel really sick. Yeah. Oh no, listen. Absolutely. Absolutely. Rewind What's your record?

[00:11:35] Rewind I have all sorts of different records, I feel. You know, like certainly I remember, I remember at a wedding, I remember the third chocolate fondant in under 10 minutes really began to make me feel a bit. But you couldn't leave it, you know? Rewind Chocolate fondant. Were you not tempted to bring it home? Rewind Ah, it wouldn't last, you know, wouldn't last. Rewind Wouldn't you be so pleased with yourself at 3am? Rewind Oh, that's true. Yeah, if you had a sneaky chart. I could have popped it in my pocket.

[00:12:01] Rewind Does this ever happen to you when you can't finish something and you think the next day you're like, oh, I left out on the pitch. I was thinking. Rewind Yeah. Oh, 100%. 100%. Rewind Like what I wouldn't do. Rewind You're like, there's so much. Well, when we were in New Zealand, we went out one evening for dinner. And we were like, you know what, the night before we've eaten so much. And we were like, you know what, tonight, let's go out and just maybe a few little bits, you know, just a few little, a few little plates. Rewind And then we got to the place and they were like, so there's an a la carte menu or there's an all you can eat menu.

[00:12:32] Rewind Like Rewind You took the all, what kind of food was it? Rewind It was, so it was Asian fusion with a Maori twist. Rewind Oh, yeah, you couldn't eat that on the table. That sounds amazing. Rewind Delicious. And we ate so many, but then like, you're always, there's one eye, you know, one eye is on the calculator and you're like, I gotta make my money back here. Rewind And then we ate all this food. And then he came out and he was like, do you want any dessert? And I was like, there's dessert as well. He was like, oh yeah, it's part of the all you can eat.

[00:13:01] Rewind And then I was like, okay. And he was like, well, which one do you want? And I was like, I guess we better try all of them. Rewind Oh, you brought them to the table. Rewind Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So then there were six different desserts. Rewind Did I ever tell you about the time when I ate in Dishoom in London? Have you eaten in Dishoom? Rewind No, but is it amazing? Rewind It is amazing. So we were going to, we were actually going to the Harry Potter play, The Cursed Child. Rewind Oh yeah.

[00:13:25] Rewind But they split it into two shows. So it's like nearly five hours long. So you go to two and a half hours in the afternoon, and then you go back in the evening. Rewind That's too much show. Rewind It's too much show, but it was great. And the effects are great. And it's all very cool. But we decided we'd try and go to Dishoom in the middle. Now you can't book in Dishoom, you just have to go and queue up. But we were like, but maybe this will work because we're kind of going at like 4.45 or something.

[00:13:51] Rewind Walked straight into a table. By the time we were leaving, the queue was apparently an hour and a half to get a table. But I, you know, when you're like, you've eaten enough, but then they're like, do you want another naan? You're like, absolutely. And I was like, I'd better finish that curry. I'll have some more of that. Oh, and there's that biryani needs. I thought I was going to sick. I thought I was going to sick.

[00:14:17] Rewind That's very English. I'm going to sick. I'm going to sickle. So I went into the bathroom and had a little quiet sit and think to myself, you know, and then I was like, okay, no, I think I'm okay. And then I went outside and we were going to pay the bill. And then I was like, oh no, I'm not. I'm not. So then I went upstairs, outside, out onto the street. The whole queue is there. I'm then standing by the wall, just thinking like, I'm going to throw up.

[00:14:42] Yeah. Like not a great ad for the restaurant standing right outside. In the end, I never got sick, but I actually, I had to go and have a lie down in a little park. Like one of those tiny little... Before the second... Is this part of the show, by the way? Maybe that's actually... Yeah, maybe that's what you're... It's the way it's meant to be seen. Yeah. Listen, we're talking about swimming on this episode. It's from a while ago. It's me, Anya and Will. Have a listen. See what you think. Let us know.

[00:15:07] And don't forget, in November, we will be doing not one but two live shows on the island of Ireland. Yeah. Is that the most sensitive way to say that? I think it is. Yeah. Okay. We're in the 32 counties. Yeah. Yeah. We insisted on doing Belfast and Dublin because we won't... We will not stop until our... I'm straying into English territory here.

[00:15:30] So yeah, Belfast on the 1st of November and Dublin on the 8th of November and you get tickets on our link tree on our Instagram. So yeah, check it out. We look forward to seeing you guys. And tickets are selling on you. Tickets are selling fast. Tickets are selling at a pace. It's very exciting and it's our biggest show to date. So come along. It's going to be great. And as I said last week, it's going to be on at half five. Great time. A little dinner after. A little Sunday supper for yourselves. Yeah. I mean, it's such a winner rather than an 8 o'clock show. Like literally nobody wants that. I mean, cool people want that. You know, people with...

[00:16:00] Yeah, I know. This is like when I went back to college to do teaching. And there were a few of us who were kind of that sort of 30s mature student. But I remember we were going out for drinks one time with the class. And we were trying to figure out what time to go out. And obviously we were like, will we meet at 6? But then there was a gang of like 21 year olds who were lovely. But they were like, so let's meet at half nine. And I was like, what? Not a chance. So it was at 12. Yeah. It was at 12. Prinks first.

[00:16:30] Oh God. Yeah. I bet you've never had a prank in your life. No, never. Never. Unless you get a little water to get me going, you know. Yeah. Okay. Well, enjoy. Speaking of water to get you going, enjoy the episode on swimming. But also, as a very young child, one of my, one of an early memory I have is when we were learning to write. If you were good at writing, you got a normal pencil. But if you were finding writing a bit more difficult, you got a big chubby pencil. Guess who had a big chubby pencil? Logan's here. Like, why were you marked out so obviously?

[00:17:00] It's to help you though. It's to help the grip. Your motor skills. Yeah. But like everybody'd be like, oh, well, obviously, on you can't write. Yeah. Was that big social currency at the time? Did they just ask you, would they just ask you to make your mark? You know? Is that what you did when you got married, when you signed the registry? I just gave an X. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a big chubby pencil and wrote an X.

[00:17:32] Hello and welcome to Legitimate Likes, the podcast where we take a look at some of humanity's most popular fascinations. And we try to work out, are they really worthy of the hype? They may be likes, but are they legitimate likes? My name is Hugh and I'm joined, as always, by my co-host, Will. Hello, Will. Hello, Hugh. How are you? I'm great. I'm great. I'm kind of, and this is utterly inappropriate for the time of year, but I'm kind of in a bit of a Christmassy mood. Oh. Oh. I don't know exactly when this will come out.

[00:17:59] Maybe it'll come out at Christmas, but we're sort of at the end of October. We're in Halloween season really now at the moment. Yeah, we are. Yeah, but in school, there've been a couple of Christmas things. You see, here's the thing, right? Let's hear it. Hot off the press. As a fundraiser, the kids design Christmas cards, right? And then they get properly printed up by this company that do them. And then their parents can buy the cards that are designed by the kids. And it's all very lovely. And they raise money for stuff.

[00:18:27] But we always get an email on like the 27th of September being like, it's time to design the Christmas cards. Because obviously the designs have to go in and then they have to be put through and then the orders have to be done. So it means that today in my class, you know, in mid to late October, we're sitting listening to christening music. Christening music? Christening music. Look, all music is christening music if you play it at a christening. That's true. That's true. What do you think would be the best music? That's exactly.

[00:18:56] I'm coming up, I guess. I don't know. Oh, that's good. Yeah. That was the first thing that came to my head. Let me entertain you. Do you always bring up Robbie Williams? I do. Yeah. Yeah. He's the only artist I've heard of from the last 30 years. Do you know what's funny? Christening sort of is the first time if you get christened. That's the first time one swims, really, if you get dunked. Do they call it dunking? No, but go for it. Yeah. Yeah. I thought that's what dunking donuts was.

[00:19:26] It was just like a christening spot. Christening some donuts sounds like a strange phrase, doesn't it? It does. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm a bit strung out. I spent the whole weekend christening donuts. I was christening donuts with a friend of mine earlier today. I went out for a drink. I feel in a Christmassy mood. Got to catch up with an old friend. Nice. Was it Christmassy? It was very well. It was kind of Christmassy. I just sent a video to the group of me having a little Christmassy time and my friend bringing some drinks to the bar. I don't know if you can see the little Christmassy.

[00:19:54] We went to a lovely Irish pub that was named after you, Hugh. It was called Waxy O'Connors. Oh, nice. Nice. That's me, all right. So I chose that pub because I thought they'd enjoy it. So if you want to have a look at the group, you can see my little video of me and my friend. Yeah, I might watch it later, Will. Oh, I think you should watch it now. Yeah? Yeah, I think you should watch it now. I think the audio medium of the podcast is... There's two videos. Yeah. Watch the first one first. Oh my God! Ornia, welcome to the podcast. Oh my God!

[00:20:22] Our producer Ornia has just watched the video. Welcome, Ornia. Speaking of Dunkin' Donuts. I was going to send this earlier, but I decided not to. I decided to send it live on air. So I've just been out for a drink with a friend of mine. That is terrible. You've gone for a drink with Michael. Yeah. The producer of the podcast. So when we were wondering why Michael wasn't here, it's because he's been faffing about with you. Why you were going to be late. So for the listener, it's a video of Will in a pub.

[00:20:51] And then this shadowy figure emerges in the corner with drinks. The small shadowy figure. The small shadowy figure. And then in the second shot, the shadowy figure comes full frontal. Yeah, yeah. Would you have recognized... Before he comes full frontal... No. I recognized him in the first one. You did? I might have to watch it again. This is the first time Michael and I have ever hung out just the two of us. Michael's face in the screenshot I've just sent you. Dreadful. He's so handsome. God, his eyes. You just get lost in his eyes, don't you?

[00:21:20] You don't get that impact on Zoom. He is very handsome. I wouldn't have spoken about his eyes like that because we've discussed this before, that his eyes are the color of urine and not the healthiest urine. Well, in the dull light of the urine-stenched Waxy O'Connor's, I tell you, it reflected well. Did you guys kiss? No. Well, conversationally, yes. Yeah. You know, it was fast-moving and flowy. If this was a rom-com, I think it would cut to Michael in your bed wearing your shirt. Yeah, that's where Michael... No, Michael refuses to stay at my house as we famously...

[00:21:50] Yeah. But it was great. We had a really nice time. It's not very funny, actually. I thought this would be a really momentous thing. It was quite momentous, but that's sort of like a personal life momentousness, you know, not like... It's not funny. No, but, you know, maybe that's okay. We still need to ask Oanya what christening music you'd want. Welcome to the jungle, I guess? Yeah. It's a good choice. Can you be bespoke with christenings? I'm not christened. No, I don't think so. Oh, yeah. Well, it depends what you want. Sure, huge.

[00:22:20] The christening is not a baptism, first of all. Christening is not a baptism, you know? They're two different things. Well, baptism is the sacrament. Christening is putting a name on someone, you know? The sacrament. You can't just say the sacrament as if we all know, oh, it's the sacrament. If I don't know what a baptism is, I don't know what a sacrament is. But if you're Irish, you do know the seven sacraments. There are seven sacraments. Oanya will take you through them now. Okay, you've got baptism. Dopey, sleepy, grumpy, dark. You've got baptism, communion, confirmation. Ordination. Last rites. Weddings.

[00:22:51] Weddings has got a really terrible name there. What do you do there for? You are before your first communion, Oanya. Confession? Yeah. Your first confession. Reconciliation, yeah. That was pretty good though, wasn't it? I bet you didn't expect last rites to come out of the bag there, did you? Yeah. Either last rites or ordination. Someone always forgets them, you know? No, no, no. So it's very hard to get all seven, Will. Okay, now do the seven dwarves on you. Dopey, sleepy, happy, dark, sneezy.

[00:23:23] Dancer and blitzing. You're missing a really big one and then one of the tougher ones, I would say. Dopey? Snooty. You did dopey. Bashful, bashful. Bashful is a good one. And then you're missing one of the big players. You're missing an easy one. Happy. You had him. Who's his opposite? Who would Hugh be if Hugh was a dwarf? Happy is not the opposite of sleepy, Oanya. Yeah. So sad, sad. Saddy. Saddy. What is it? Grumpy.

[00:23:53] Okay, now give me the seven deadly sins. Okay. Anger. Yeah. Anger's not one. Wrath. But they're the same thing. It's just anger. It's not the same thing. If I was like, I'm wrathful at you. It'd be worse than me being angry. All right, fine. Wrath. Lust. Yeah. Jealousy or envy. Envy. Yeah. Sloth.

[00:24:21] Oh, I'm trying to remember watching seven, you know? What other weird... There's another... There's another... Oh, Pride. Pride. Yeah. There's two more. I'm trying to see what you're missing. Is there like a horrible one? Like just like... Gluttony. Gluttony is one. Gluttony. Gluttony. And then there's one more. Um... So... I think you're missing one that's quite similar to envy. Envy and... Similar to envy?

[00:24:51] Yeah. Envoy. No, greed. So... Oh, so there's greed and gluttony. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So I think greed is more covetousness. Yes, and gluttony is more. Gluttony is the guy in... I mean, I'm basing it all on seven. That's the guy they find in his... Crushbow's fridge, I think, or something like that. Will. Name the seven signatories of the 1916 Proclamation of Independence. Um, okay. Or even one. We take one. Um, Eamon de Valera.

[00:25:21] Unfortunately not. You'd expect him to be, but no. Michael Collins. Again, they're great guesses for an Englishman. He's dead at that stage. No, he's not dead. He's not dead. He just didn't sign it. Uh, Sinn Féin. I mean, again, you're not... Um... Could you name all seven? Finn... Finn... Finn A. Gale. Uh... Seamus Finnegan. Dermot O'Leary. Now we're becoming offensive. It was good to start. And Sinead O'Connor. That would be an amazing...

[00:25:52] Imagine if they all signed us. Is that none of them right? Afraid not. No. Who have you got? Connolly, Kent. Yeah. Um... Connolly, Kent what? Uh... Con... Well, actually. Yeah. He didn't have a great end. He was shot in a chair, so... Yeah. Connolly, Kent... Or is it Kent? Sorry. Kent. Eamon, Kent. Connolly, Kent. Eamon, Kent. Oh, you just give me another one to get me rolling. Oh, who's the lead? Like, who's the lead singer of the band?

[00:26:22] Oh, wait. Pierce. Pierce. Oh, yeah. Because they'll be... Uh, Grafton. There'll be streets in Dublin. Uh... No, they're all named by the ring. They're all train stations. They're all train stations. Oh, Dunleary. Dunleary. Is Kent another one? Houston. Kent and Kent. No, no, no. Wicklow Town. Lewis. Limerick Johnson. Daniel Day Lewis. Eamon... Leap. No, Eamon Kent. And why am I stuck on Eamon Kent? You're on a little loop of Eamon Kent. And he's one people would normally forget. You're a big Kent girl, are you? A big, big, big, big, big Kent person.

[00:26:52] Murphy Fade. Pierce. I'm trying to think. What's the poem? I write it out in verse. The Yates poem. The one about fumbling. It's Easter 1916. It's a poem. Easter 1916. No, there's September 1913 as well. Oh no, yeah. Easter 1916. Yeah, yeah. Well, go on. Give us them. Port Pierce. James Connolly. Joseph Mary Plunkett. Eamon Kent. Thomas McDonough. Sean McDermott. And Thomas Clark. Oh. Now... Are there any other groups of seven? Seven Heavenly Virtues. I just found those. Oh.

[00:27:22] Patience. Prudence. Chastity. Yeah. These are all girls I went to school with. Is prudence not one? No. Well, so it's humility, charity, chastity, gratitude, temperance, patience and diligence, which all kind of sound like the same thing. Boring. Lame. What about all members of the Secret Seven? I don't know who the Secret Seven are. Was Timmy the dog one of them?

[00:27:52] No, Timmy was Famous Five. Famous Five. And you see, in the Secret Seven, Scampers the dog, but he's not one of the seven. He's an extra. He's an ex-officio member, I think. I don't count the Secret Seven. I'd agree. I'd agree. They're not nearly as good as the Secret Seven. Oh, the mystery of the missing pen. And then you get to the Famous Five and they're like, intercepting spies on the Cornish coast. I mean, hello. Oh, absolutely. Oh, listen. If anyone, yeah. Little Famous Five, you know, let's go for that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Seven Hills of Rome. Oh, the Palatine Hill.

[00:28:22] Oh, I was joking. That's the only one I know, I think. Oh, right. Okay. Okay. Is there like a serpentine one or a... Probably. Pompeii. Pompeii. That's one, isn't it? Pompeii's a hill that blew up. Big, blowy uphill. The G7 countries. Oh. Isn't that the G8? No, because they kicked out Russia, didn't they? Oh, gosh. Not before time. You see, there's a G20 as well, which includes other ones. The G7, I don't know. The UK, the US. G6 is an airplane.

[00:28:52] I mean, I don't know the answer. Glasgow. Isn't Glasgow one? Didn't they come to Glasgow? That's a G20. That's the G20. Glasgow 20. The Glasgow 20. Sorry, Will, you had a very good segue into what we were here to talk about, which was swimming. So I guess pop your clothes on the stool, put on your flip-flops and walk through one of those weird bath things for your feet as we dive into a swimming episode. So that's a good question immediately. Do you bring sandals to the swimming pool? Yeah, but I never walk. I always go in on my bare feet.

[00:29:22] Yeah, great. Me too. Yeah. And then, you know, it's not safe. It's stupid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. High functioning in preparation and a complete idiot in practicality. Do you shower before you go into the pool? Yeah, always. They tell me to. Yeah. The signs tell me to. Yeah, yeah, I do. I didn't up until... No, you don't. No, Onya doesn't. Onya walks in dry as a bone and everyone stares at her. I'm not that... She hasn't showered. I'm not that...

[00:29:47] I would if I had been, like, doing hard physical labour, but I mean, no, I... I have. When was the last time you did some hard physical labour? Last night! The last time I did some hard physical labour. Well, actually, my Fitbit told me the most exercise I've gotten in the last few weeks was at a 21st on the dance floor. You creep. What shapes were you throwing? Why were you at the 21st? I was a family 21st, you know? Okay.

[00:30:16] You're trying to walk away with a 21-year-old in your arm. I'm not still doing the circuit now. Doing the circuit. Were you at Wes, Onya? Was I at Wes? No, sure. Had you gone to Wes for a 21st? Oh, what, now? Yeah, yeah. No. They'd probably think I was there to collect someone. I mean, Will, 21-year-olds at Wes would be the creeps. Yeah, no. I mean, I was just trying to be like, imagine an Englishman knowing Eamon de Valera and Wes. That's pretty good knowledge. Yeah.

[00:30:46] I don't think Eamon de Valera would have approved of Wes. I don't think it would have been. I mean, I don't approve of Wes. No one approves of Wes, surely. You'd have gone to it, though, if you were... I'd have gone to it. Yeah, but that doesn't mean anything. I have no backbone. Yeah, but Hugh didn't go to it. He's nothing but backbone, let's face it. What? For the listener who doesn't know what Wes is, what is Wes? Oh, I've never been to it. Well, I was added out as an adult, but it was for an adults event. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.

[00:31:14] It's like an underage disco for, say, Dublin youths. Hugh, is that a fair? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. It's Wesley. It's a rugby club, right? Yeah. Yeah. Or I'm from, you would have gone to the GAA disco. Oh. Will we get into the swimming quiz? Sure. Yeah. Okay. So what's a jammer? Hmm. I think that's one of the dwarves that you forgot about. Yeah. Jammer.

[00:31:42] Sounds like a Roddy Doyle character, doesn't it? It's probably something you put in a hole in a pool to stop stuff coming out, like a plug. Do you think that's how they fill pools? This is a big plug. If you've never gone and emptied the plug to a pool and watched everyone swirl down the drain, you haven't been playing properly. No, I think I'm wrong. Maybe it's a jammer that stops one of my biggest childhood fears, which is when someone would swim down to the bottom to the filter of the pool and get their hands stuck. That their hair would get cut. Yeah.

[00:32:12] Or their hand would get stuck on it and they'd drown. Is that what a jammer is? No. A jammer is... Someone who runs to a pool with a big jar of raspberry jam and jumps in and goes, jammer coming through. And if you don't get in and eat a bit of jam from the pool, then you owe that person jam for the rest of their life. Is that jammer? Pool jam. Is it Australian? Pool jam. They're a band. Is it Australian? A jammer? I don't know. I've got the jammer. Gary did the jammer. I've got my gear.

[00:32:42] I've got my jammer. Hidden for the jammer. Gear is getting close to you if you want to take one more guess. Ooh. Is it a... Earplugs. Nose plugs. Butt plugs. Is it a plug? No. Okay. An armband? No. No. It's a pair of swimming shorts that provide more coverage than trunks, but they give you more freedom of movement. So I think it's like what the Olympic guys would wear. But one thing I didn't realize is there's actually a lot of regulation around trunks and swimming togs for swimming.

[00:33:11] So you can't have them covering... There's a regulation in length that they can be and how far they can come up because they eliminate drag. So yeah, it's actually... You have to get your jammer. But you're right. It does sound like an Australian name for a pair of togs. Yeah. So that's why you never see an Olympian wearing knee-length surfer dude shorts because it'd be too slow. Exactly. I think... And I guess they can't just swim naked. Well, I don't think that would be good for drag. Depends on... It depends.

[00:33:39] It would be very good for drag for me, but not for everybody, I suppose. Yeah. So if you were doing an individual medley, what would you be doing? Christening a donut. You can also do it in a relay. Will, do you have an answer you'd like to share with the class? No. Go on, Anya. Sorry. Did you have something else to say? Because... If you wanted to get a few friends around and involved.

[00:34:10] You can do it in a relay. Do people ever film it? Oh, yeah. To see if you get the record. Presumably. Are there winners and losers? Oh, yeah. Everyone's a winner, surely. An individual? Or is it medley? I think. I think it's where you get... You strip down to your jammers. And then you get in a load of wetness.

[00:34:38] You go front, back, breast... And butterfly. Am I right? So, yeah. It is a type of race where you do four strokes. It's a four... An individual medley involves four strokes. Can you walk us through all four strokes? The backstroke. Yeah, lovely. It's always a good place to start. The breaststroke. Yeah. The butterfly and freestyle. Yeah. Amazing. Amazing.

[00:35:08] So, you can do it... You can do it as an individual or you can do it as four. In a medley. In a medley, really. So, that's good, I guess. So, we were right. No front crawl. No. No. That's what they all do for the freestyle, I guess. Yeah, yeah. Is this a freestyle beat? You can do any style. Yeah, but everyone does front crawl. So, you couldn't be like... What's the doggy paddling? You could. You'd just lose.

[00:35:37] Because front crawl is faster than everything else. Is it? Yeah. Oh, it is. Actually, I suppose. If you're trying to breaststroke anywhere, you'd be... Yeah. You'd be slowed down. You'd be slowed down. Yeah. Enjoying yourself too much. So, my third question is... Which of these three facts about swimming is false? The first swimming goggles were made from tortoise shells. They must have been some enormous eyes. Yeah. JFK was afraid of swimming caps and refused that anyone else wear them when he was swimming with a group.

[00:36:03] And Benjamin Franklin invented swim fins to help him move through the water more efficiently. Benjamin Franklin. Hmm. So, JFK maybe invented the individual medley because he didn't like swimming with cap people with protection. You know? Yeah. Yeah. He wanted a breaststroke with no cap on. What do you think, Hugh? Right. I'd say JFK was more a hot tub guy than a swimming pool, to be honest. What do you mean? What do you mean? Is that because... What do you mean?

[00:36:33] Just loved a few bubbles, you know? A few bubbles. Yeah. He was a coastal kind of guy, though. That's true. And I know Bobby Kennedy wasn't able to swim and I think jumped off a boat when he was about nine in order that he would learn to swim. Or else his dad chucked him off the boat. But no, I think he... I think Bobby just jumped off the boat and I was like, well, I guess I better learn if I'm going to survive. And he did. For a while, anyway. And then...

[00:37:02] I mean, that's sort of how everyone learns to swim. Like, you jump off something. You don't jump off. You don't jump the first time you're in the pool, Will. You're a relative, you know, or a guardian. He jumped off a boat in Martha's Vineyard, you know? Say that again, Hugh? Martha's Vineyard. Is Martha's Vineyard not a natural vineyard? No, it's an island. Oh. Maybe there's a vineyard on it, but it's an island. Very fancy island, yeah. Oh, okay.

[00:37:29] Benjamin Franklin invented lots of things. And the tortoise shell one seems pretty believable. I think JFK... So, one other thing I know is that different presidents put in different amenities into the White House. He wasn't the swimming pool president. He didn't put in a swimming pool. That was Ford, I think. Was it? The outdoor swimming pool went in in the 70s. Okay, so it was Ford, right.

[00:37:53] The amount of useless information I have gleaned through this podcast is incredible. So, I think JFK... I mean, JFK wasn't afraid of swimming caps. Oh, yeah. I agree. No. He wasn't afraid of swimming caps. So, yeah. But I don't really understand how the first swimming goggles were made from tortoise shells. So, I'm not really... Yeah.

[00:38:21] Is that where tortoise shell glasses comes from? Is that... Whoa! Is that it? Tortoise shell is a... It's a pattern, is it not? Yeah. But you have tortoise... Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. And then Benjamin Franklin did it. But he did invent loads of things. Himself and Edison invented everything, basically. You know? So, I guess we'll get stuck in. Do you want to give me your opening statements on how you generally feel about swimming? Hugh? I suppose the thing is, what's kind of nice about swimming is...

[00:38:51] Like, when we say swimming, what that means for probably 90% of people... Is running into water, having a bit of a splash and a scream... And then running out again, you know? It doesn't involve any actual swimming, which I think is quite nice. I think it's very inclusive in that way. You know? It's not like... I know there are other activities like that. Like, obviously, football. You don't have to play a proper game or anything. But, like, swimming is literally just being in a bit of water. That's not your bath. You know? Oh, well, even then. Yeah.

[00:39:20] Oh, and I say I'm going swimming. Do you have it that people still refer to them as swimming baths? No, no, no. I think we've spoken about this on the podcast before. I think Ornia has taken umbrage with English people saying swimming baths. Yeah. But I think, again, Will, you'd sort of say, I'm putting on my trunks to go to the baths to bathe. I'm putting on my waders and my cheaters and my... He's a baseball player. You know, yeah. Yeah. It's a... Daryl Cheater.

[00:39:52] Do you think his name is Daryl Cheater? What is it? Oh, no, I mean... Derek Cheater. There you go. There you go. What should I say? What should I say? Daryl Cheater. I mean, you're laughing. I didn't really know. I was just smiling politely because I didn't know what one you'd got wrong. I didn't expect you to know. If I had a go, at least, you know? But yeah, that's kind of what I think about swimming as an opening statement,

[00:40:19] is I like that it's so non-prescriptive, I suppose. Yeah. It can mean so many things, you know? I'm doing a very old school legitimate likes thing here. I'm keeping a list. Oh. Oh, pros and cons. Pros and cons? Oh, my God. We haven't done this in ages. What? Do you think the episode is struggling that much that we need to... We need the... I just thought we need to put the training reels back on. You know, we've moved away from the format. Okay.

[00:40:46] You know, I think we need to drill back down to the magic of those magical first 20 episodes that I wasn't on. Wow. You know? Yeah, yeah. That's true. You've never been on a pros and cons list episode, probably, have you? Which is a big pro, to be fair. Yeah, I've never manned the pros and cons list. Wow. You know? Yeah, it's only been Michael or once me. When I got angry at Michael's pros and cons list, because my only advice would be write down all the pros and cons, because that was not something Michael ever did. No. I think Michael might have had the list written beforehand. Yeah, potentially.

[00:41:15] You did produce an episode that I was on as a guest, though, Will. Do you remember that? Oh, is that when Michael had to leave halfway through? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. Not even halfway through. Which episode was that? Weddings. Go back and listen to the weddings episode. One of the seven sacraments. There you go. Should we do a sacrament series? We should, actually. Last rites would be a fun one. What's been your favourite sacrament so far, Hugh? Communion, you get fed. So that's nice.

[00:41:44] I mean, confession, you get to talk about sins, which is a very Irish activity, you know? Do you remember trying to come up with a sin in the line before you went in? You'd be like, what are you going to say? I can't believe. No one's going to say they're real ones, you know? That happens. Yeah, as an eight-year-old. You know when I was making my first confession, it was on the practice day, and we all went down to the church. Sorry, it's first confession for communion, yeah? Yeah, you make it before your communion. So eight. Eight years ago. Seven. Seven. I was seven.

[00:42:12] What a terrible, terrible thing. But we were all there, and I don't know if I mentioned this on the podcast before. Poor Laura Farrell was last in the line. I don't know why, because Laura and Farrell, there's no alphabetic reason for that. But she was the last one, went into her side of the confession box, priest thought he was done, and left, locked the confession box and headed off. Poor little Laura Farrell was sitting in there for about...

[00:42:41] I mean, I'd say to her it felt like days. It was probably nearly half an hour, though, before I think an old woman who'd come down to pray heard her crying and managed to get her out. Oh my God, imagine. Have you ever been in a confession box, Will? No, I've only walked past him. It's such a strange... I used to get really worried that, you know when you were kneeling, looking at that little grate? Wait, you have to kneel. Yeah, you kneel down at it, don't you? Yeah. And, gosh. So you go in and you sit, and then you kneel, and then the priest...

[00:43:12] Opens the little thing. But I used to get worried that if he did it, I'd get a fright. So you'd be kind of trying to really concentrate. You'd be ready. Because it's a dual system. You'd be ready, and yet you were never ready when it opened. You were never ready. You know? Because he was listening to someone else's sins at the other side. Do you remember what you said to him? What did he say? You have to go... Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have sinned. It has been however long since my last confession. My last confession. And you'd always lie about that as well, obviously. It's been three weeks since my last confession. Like the dentist. Yeah.

[00:43:42] And then you'd be like, I was mean to my brother. It was always... I was going to say, I haven't been very nice to myself. Thanks. That's always the one. Yeah, that's the go-to. Or maybe not working hard enough in school or something. That's not a sin. Like, oh God. I know. That's strange. But then, crucially, you'd be absolved. But then you also had to say a prayer at the end. The act of contrition. Yeah. Which I'm sure you still remember word for word on you, do you? Oh, in the confession box? At the end of it. Remember? Oh my God, I thank you for loving me.

[00:44:12] I'm sorry for all my sins. For not loving others and not loving you. What I've done. Help me to live like Jesus and not sin again. Amen. But then he'd be like, eight Hail Mary as well. So you'd go out and you'd have to sit in the church. I'd do your eight Hail Marys to absolve yourself. I haven't thought about this in so long. And I'd forgotten that you're so young when you do. So much of like, so much is similar about our cultural upbringing. And then sometimes I'm like, that is so baffling. Something like that.

[00:44:40] The idea of anyone doing that is so crazy. At eight. And there's just a grown-up sitting on the other side of some wood while an eight-year-old kneels down and says, I wasn't very nice to my brother. So that's wild. In a weird gothic wooden box. Dark box. Man, that's creepy. Yeah. So creepy. But I guess that's meant to be providing anonymity to everyone involved. Yeah. Because the priest doesn't know anyone in the parish. Yeah. But Hugh, I think for your first confession,

[00:45:10] you actually went up and just sat with the priest in the body of the church. I think you only graduated. I think we only graduated after a time. Maybe so. Well, sometimes there'd be overflow priests, so you wouldn't go into the box. You'd go up to one of the other priests. In the car park. I mean, if I'm asking you your favourite, I presume you'll say marriage. Oh, yeah. Beats confession. Yeah. I'd say that. Yeah. Marriage is definitely, knowing very few of these sacraments, marriage is the best one. Hugh's going to say funerals, and he's wrong. So funeral isn't a sacrament, Will.

[00:45:39] Well, the last rites happen at the funeral. Oh, no, they happen over the body, don't they? Oh, no. But not everybody gets the last rites. No, last rites don't happen over the body. Last rites is also called the sacrament of the sick. So it's if you're very ill, the priests will come along. They hoofed that over the bar, didn't they? Yeah, very nice. He did it. We got it together, guys. Yeah, so not everyone gets that. Yeah. And then communion, also quite weird as a day. Communion's nice, though, you know? Get a bit of food. Confirmation, you get a new name. It's exciting. That's exciting, yeah.

[00:46:08] But you all choose Mary and Patrick, so what's the point? I know, I've told all my students that if they choose Hugh, they get the rest of the year off homework. And they're all going to choose Mary and Patrick. Nah, not anymore. Not anymore. Listen, Will, nothing's sacred anymore. They're all choosing, like... Ariana Grande. Taylor, yeah. Oh, amazing. That's great. Yeah. Yeah. Did you have any weird religious stuff? Only by choice when I was, like, 18. Will joined the golds at 18. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Which comes up every 30 episodes. Yeah.

[00:46:38] We're like, oh, we must go back to that. But you had no... Like, there was no mass? I had a godless upbringing. No, mass is a... I've been to one mass in my life, and it was in Germany. Did you go to mass every Sunday, Hugh? Yeah, yeah. For a long time. When you guys went to confession, did you ever kneel down and say, forgive me, Father, for I have swimmed? We should have. In my thoughts and in my... But sure, even, Anya, in school, during Lent, there was mass on every day, and we were expected to go to it.

[00:47:08] What? Yeah. In secondary school. Wow. That's... I think that there was much less of it in secondary school for me. Primary school was much more, you know, religious. For those of you listening thinking, I thought this was the swimming episode. This is the podcast. We have an excuse to chat to each other for about an hour. And look, we'll get to swimming eventually, but we're enjoying talking about the sacraments. So far, this episode is about the number seven and confession boxes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:47:37] But confession boxes are fascinating. To be honest, I feel Fleabag did a lot for confession. You know? Anya's making a lot of faces. Yeah, no noises. Anya's thinking about Andrew Scott, are you? Or Phoebe Waller-Bridge, maybe both of them. That scene is... I know somebody said when they watched their entire mouth just filled with saliva. That's such a horrible, horrible image. I don't even know what scene it is. I'm sure it's a sexy confession booth time. Have you not watched Fleabag? No.

[00:48:07] That's very good. Oh my God, it's amazing. It's too close to my surname. I don't like it. Will Fleabag watch it? You're annoyed you weren't in it. Yeah. They haven't commissioned a six-part docuseries just called Seabag. Yeah, yeah. Where Andrew Scott plays a sexy priest. Onya, you've talked before about there was quite a dishy priest in your local school, was there? Or in the boys' school? In the boys' school, yeah. Well, I think it might have just been that he was a young priest and therefore the novelty, you know. Collar as well, you know. Does something for you.

[00:48:36] Well, you know. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, she was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. So, Will, sorry. So you had no vicar. Was there not a vicar or something? Well, there are vicars, yeah. They're just in the churches. Yeah, but the Jews. But you didn't go to Evensong or anything like that. No, I didn't go to Evensong. We had a couple of hymns at school. Like, I think it was the Church of England school, so we sang like Cauliflower's Fluffy and Cabbages Green, Strawberry's Sweeter Than Ever I've Seen. Go on.

[00:49:12] It's not a hymn. Do you think that's a hymn? Or a her. What's the other bit? Where's God's coming? The apples are ripe, the plums are red. We did like Harvest Festival. The broad beans are sleeping in their blanket tea bed. The Harvest Festival? Yeah. I'm sure you're pagans, though. Give us one of the really grim hymns we'd have been trudging through. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. See our saviour, bleeding, dying on the cross at Calvary. What the fuck?

[00:49:41] I don't know that one. And then it goes to major for the chorus. All my sins, I now regret them. Something, something. I'm seven years old. Yeah. But that was a great one. Listen, a minor hymn is great. To be honest, the Protestant hymns

[00:50:10] actually are great. Protestants are great hymns. The Protestant hymns, would that be the Valley of Death and all that sort of stuff? Oh, I don't know. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Excuse me? Yeah, I think, I think Hugh started scatting. They were fellas in the Bible who went into the Valley of Death. Yeah. Well, are you sure you're not thinking like Coolio again? As I walk through the show. Yeah, I'm always thinking of the show. You are always thinking of the show. It's a soundtrack to my life. So, for some reason at my wedding, right,

[00:50:40] that was the first song the DJ played. Like, even before the first dance, he just broke out Gangsta's Paradise. It's a big move. He knew you well. He knew me. So, Will, that's not a hymn. That's a song about food. Yeah, no. We did, I don't know if we, we sang stuff that had a little bit of reference to God in there. Like, I was cold, I was naked, were you there? Were you there? I was cold, I was naked, were you there? So, there are little bits of God but like, not in the education system and there was no like, and also like, Leeds is quite a diverse area so there was, there were different,

[00:51:09] we learned about different religions in school because there were like Sikh kids and Hindu kids and Muslim kids in the school. So, it was like, there wasn't, it wasn't a religious school, basically. Yeah. And my parents weren't particularly religious. See, nowadays, the hymns have got a lot tamer this year. You do have a lot of If I were a butterfly, thank you Lord for me giving me wings. You know, it's like, that's not it. Come on. Come on, lads. But I'm not a butterfly, I only do that when I swim.

[00:51:39] Yeah? Hugh, did you love learning about like Calgary and Gethsemane? So, Calvary. Calvary is a city in Canada. Calvary. Calvary is just a place in Canada. It was Jesus. Yeah. Oh, the Garden of Gethsemane. And what's the, what's the other place? What was the name? Golgotha. Golgotha, yeah. Which is the hill that Calvary was on. Or, was it Gotham the hill or the place? I can't remember. One was the hill and one was the place. And then Simon of Tureen. No. That's a big soup dish. Yeah.

[00:52:09] What is he? Simon of, Cyrene. Simon of Cyrene. You're so close to all of these, aren't you? Yeah, yeah. Simon of Tureen. Yeah. By a Calvary. Cheater. And where did the, where did the, the Ten Commandments come down from? Mount Sinai. Mount Sinai. That's a good or cool one. So, I tell you where I did go when I was at school. Swimming. Nah. No, yeah. We're on religion at this point, you know? No. I mean, there were still, I was, I brought back a few of the old school hymns

[00:52:38] to our school recently. Not, not, not Saviour's Bleeding Dying, but like, do you remember Christ Be Our Light? Absolute banger. Christ be our light shine in our hearts. Is that it? Yeah. Shine through the darkness. Do you know what, it's, it's. What about Kyrie Eleison? Oh, that's a great one though. So, Will is getting, Will's getting annoyed. Will's getting antsy. I just, I, like, this is the weirdest swimming episode ever. I am the bread of life. Go on.

[00:53:07] He who comes to me shall not hunger. Oh, yeah. That's, but they're such bad songs. Yeah, I mean, that's not a great tune. Do you know, there are, Shine Jesus Shine is a good one. Do you know it? Shine Jesus Shine Fill your heart Are you singing in school now? We sing hymns in school, yeah? Wow. That's so interesting. Is it? Yeah, because I mean, I thought Cauliflower's Fluffy was a hymn, so. Did you go to a very liberal school or something? Was it all? No, I went to it. Did you, did you,

[00:53:37] did you like, write your own curriculum and stuff like that? Sorry, I was homeschooled. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did I not say? You have a uniform. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I'm giving a very, or you're just taking a very different interpretation. I didn't, I just went to a regular state school, but it wasn't so religiously affiliated. There was definitely some God stuff in there. We went to, like, like I say, the Harvest Festival where we went and talked about, like, I can't, all I remember

[00:54:07] is that Ryan Bourne broke his leg and came in a wheelchair. I love all of your skills. Yeah, and I always full name people and I don't know if they want that, so sorry, Ryan. What, did he, did he trip over a squash or something in the, No, no, sorry. Yeah, right, he'd broken his leg separately playing football. He's a very good footballer and came to the Harvest Festival with a broken leg and everyone was like, Ryan! And I was like, nobody gives me that attention. This sounds, this sounds so nice, the Harvest Festival. You probably had, like, a lovely Christmas festival, did you? And a fate.

[00:54:36] Yeah, school, yeah, Christmas, the summer fair and the, I think we had a Christmas fair. I think so. Protestants are great at running a fate, you know. So good. I think I'd be such a good Protestant. You've always said it on you. Would they have me? I mean, you don't have to work very hard to be a Protestant, do you? Yeah, but I don't. I mean, most, most people who identify as Catholics are really more like Protestants. Yeah, but I wonder, they interpret it in their own way, you know.

[00:55:09] When are we doing the Catholics versus Protestants episode? Hang on, yeah, so did you ever have a rabbi? No, so I wasn't, I'm, I have Jewish heritage, but we weren't brought up Jewish or anything. I'd love if you had a rabbi. Could you? That would be cool, yeah. Could you make that happen now? I mean. Yeah, yeah, I could, right now. Do you want me to call a rabbi? Yeah, do you have one on? Yeah, all people with Jewish heritage have like a special Jewish phone.

[00:55:38] This sounds like a, like an Andrew Tate conspiracy. Yeah, oh yeah. Just, just press the star. That is the best joke will never make the cut, I feel. Yeah. So swimming, hey? Swimming, okay, sorry. Where do you like to go swimming? Water, next question. Hugh? Sea, in the sea. Yeah, the sea is the best place. Yeah, it is. Oh gosh, couldn't disagree more. Whoa, you can do something. Do you ever go swimming in the sea, Anya? Oh yeah,

[00:56:08] I would, but I don't think it's, if you, it depends on what the sea, I don't like the Irish Sea. No, no one does. No one does. Whoa, why not? Because, listen, this is the thing, right? And of course I've had lots of swims in the Irish Sea and I appreciate there are a lot of people who swim in the Irish Sea all the time and good for you and there are lovely bits of it. But once you've, once you've swum on the west coast of Ireland in the Atlantic, you're spoiled, you know? It's just, and also it feels like, the Irish Sea isn't as good.

[00:56:38] The Irish Sea is a lot nicer. I think we mean Dublin Bay, I think it's what we're talking about. But still, the Atlantic, you know, the Atlantic is more rugged, you know? Yeah, that coast is wilder. You want to feel like you're in a mouthwash ad. What is entailed in a mouthwash ad, Onya? Like, fresh! Onya, not Onya, the Atlantic. Same thing. You know? Wild, rugged, salty, clean,

[00:57:08] warmer than you'd expect, but still quite cold. Yeah. Yeah. Warmed by Mexican streams. Deep? Deep? No. Oh, she did it. I was going to ask if you could list his, like, if you've had any dangerous swims, like maybe list your seven deadly swims. Nice. I did. I had a very dangerous, well, I don't know if it was a very dangerous swim. I don't like to bring this up,

[00:57:36] because I think it probably upsets my family, because they think I was in a lot of danger at the time, and I don't think I was. Oh my God. If you're a member of Hugh's family, and you're listening to this, stop listening now. Skip ahead 45 seconds. We were on a family holiday, right? And went for a swim, and there was this beach that always had really good waves on it, you know? But it was, you know where like the waves are crashing a little bit out, and you have to sort of get out beyond them to be able to really ride them. Yeah. yeah.

[00:58:05] You always have to get out beyond them to properly ride them. That's, yeah. It's just what you have to do, that's life. Basically, I was in the sea, Now that's an individual medley. I was in the sea, and there were a few of us in there, and we were trying to get out beyond that crashing segment, but it was hard to get, because it kept coming in, and anyway, I then got out past it, but no one else did, or sorry, one other guy who I didn't even know, right? So we were then suddenly out beyond the waves, right? And everyone else was in, but we were a good like, I'd say,

[00:58:36] I don't know. Oh, 60 metres out, maybe, 60 metres, 60 metres is really far. So it's not nothing, you know? Yeah. Yeah, that's far. And like, so this beach always had good waves. This was a bit of a stormy day, right? What were you thinking? This is like an ad for water safety. Not stormy, but like, do you know, when you're there, it was a great swim. But then as soon as I get out beyond them, I was like, do you know what? I should probably just try and get back in, but you had to wait for your moment to get in. Now, crucially, the other thing I haven't mentioned yet,

[00:59:06] is my family are on the shore, having a look. I also had had lung surgery, not long before. You know? I need it. It's a really important bit of information. crucially, no, what I would say is, I got out beyond the waves, and then on my first real try to get back in, I got back in to shore. But I did put up my hand at one point to give them a thumbs up. Obviously, you can't see a thumbs up at 60 metres. Yeah, so it just looks like I was waving for help. It just looks like a panicked wave. Yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. So you just, then I got in.

[00:59:35] You swam back in, it was fine. Yeah. That's great. So that's, that's my most dangerous swim, I suppose. Have you ever felt in danger on a swim, Will? Most of the time, because I'm quite, I get quite scared by the sea. Me too. Because I imagine, the thing that I dislike the most, is not being able to see my feet, and see below me. And then when I get goggles, and I look under the water, and can see, then I'm scared of seeing a shark. So it's, it's, it's, it's all just quite scary.

[01:00:03] But I just love being in the water so much that I have to sort of deal with it. See, and the thing, the thing is now, like, I mean, I was swimming down in Dublin recently, and I went down one day, and it was really windy and wavy. And like, where I was swimming, I would be going like, 10 meters out, I'd be so close to land. But I was like, do you know what? It's just not worth it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like, because I think it was at a 12th, where I was trying to swim every day. And I was like a month or so in, and I was like, oh, I don't want to, don't want to lose my streak of swimming every day.

[01:00:33] And then as I thought that, I was like, well, that's a stupid sentence. Yeah, that's ridiculous. That's a sad opening line to a eulogy, really. Yeah, exactly. You know, exactly. Anya, what about you? Dangerous swims, scary swims? Like Will, I have a very good, like, sense of caution. You're a big surfer now though. Well, actually, the last time I went, it was a bit wild. Now, I don't think we were ever in an actual danger, but there was a point where like, we're just going to go in. Like, it was a bit wild. And I really,

[01:01:03] like, I love waves, but I really hate that sensation when you get caught in one. Now, it's like, we're in a washing machine, and you just have to wait until you come to the surf. And then you, you pop up and another one gets you. I mean, that's. Ah, yeah. Being tumbled by a wave isn't nice, certainly. No. And that's why you swim in, in pools on you. Yeah. So I, I think if you want to actually swim without being scared, because like you, Will, I don't like when I can't see stuff. And when you feel something slither past or, you know, I, I don't, I don't like that. Man, I've never moved quicker than when,

[01:01:32] when I was on the cruise ship in the Caribbean, standing in the sea, and we're standing, chatting, having a beer, and something slid along my leg. And I've never gotten anywhere faster than. It was Michael's house. Yeah. It turned out he was just giving me a little, uh, calf rub, which is one of the lesser known swimming moves. Yeah. It's creepy. And I don't like, I hate that. I always imagined myself like in a movie where you could just see underwater, your legs. Yeah. Cut, you cut to the shark's perspective. Yeah. And like,

[01:02:01] you were just this tiny blob and this unknowable creature. That all said, like, I have a policy in my life now, which is that I'll always regret not having got in, but I've never regretted having got in the sea. Yeah. Like even when I don't have any swimming togs or anything, I'm like, Oh, I'll just get in my boxes and get in. It's always way more fun. Yeah. And it does come back to the thing of like, you're just getting in for a bit of a splash. I'll tell you where, what's scary to swim in lakes. Oh, I don't approve of lakes. Yeah. I don't approve of lakes.

[01:02:31] Creepiest bodies. Like the existence of lakes or swimming in them. As, as, as like they give me the. Why do they give you the willies? No, I would agree because you, you don't know what's going on at the bottom. You know, they're not, they're not tidal. There's so I actually swam in quite a few lakes last summer. I was in, I was in Canada. In Calvary. In Calvary. Yeah. And, uh, do you know what else I remember? Sorry, just speaking of Calvary, I was talking to her. we're back on it. No,

[01:03:00] So the junior infants teacher in my school. So she said yesterday, her kids had, um, I think they had, uh, eye and ear tests, which is very cute, obviously. Um, but they all got a sticker after coming back from their eye and ear test. But then three of them anyway, came back in after yard and said to their teacher, look, look, do you want to come out and see the gifts we buried for Jesus?

[01:03:26] And they had dug a little hole in the yard and buried the stickers that they'd got for their eye and ear test as a present for Jesus. I mean, and, and our school is certainly not overtly religious despite the singing the hymns in the morning. But what it reminded me of was when I had Duplo as a child, I used to occasionally build the three crosses, uh, Jesus and the two thieves who were crucified on either side of them. One time me and two of my friends recreated it. Oh my God.

[01:03:56] There's so many questions for both of you. we built a cross and we, um, I don't want to say crucified her, but we reenacted the crucifixion. I was a Roman, I was a Roman guard, I think. And did she consent to this? Oh yeah. Like we, it was so well organized. We built, uh, like a cross. Uh, there was like a pin. What did you build the cross and plinth out of? Two, two, two planks of wood, I think. And then, I don't know, and maybe a cardboard box or something. Did you nail them together or did you tie them together? There was, we didn't,

[01:04:27] there was no nails. No, it was sellotape probably. Yeah, probably sellotape. We were very young, maybe eight or nine, I'd say. And, and so how, who got to be Jesus? One of my friends, the youngest of us was Jesus. Okay. And then the eldest, I can't remember, was she Pontius Pilate? I don't know. But I was a Roman guard. And did you do the whole, did you do the stations of the cross? I mean, you know, did she fall for the first time? Was she comforted by her mother? No, I assume that we must have gotten our parents to come and, you know, but you'd have to be like, we've,

[01:04:55] we've prepared a little something we'd like to. Oh, you did like a show for them. Well, it wasn't a show. It was like a, it was like a, it was like a living painting. Like nobody moved. A tableau. Okay. A tableau. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bizarre. So Hugh, when you're making the Duplo. Yeah. Jesus' cross was usually yellow, I think. I did this multiple times. Yeah, go on. So were you, were you taking it to your parents to show them? No, I just built it in, in the room and it was just for me, I think.

[01:05:25] Something to build. Just for me and the big man, you know? So, but it was very accurate. You had Jesus and the two. I had three crosses and the one in the center was always taller because I was like, Jesus deserves a bigger cross. And there were two on either side because, well, you wouldn't know this being a heathen, but when Jesus was crucified, there were two thieves. Yeah. Crucified on either side of them. Barabbas. And Caracas. it wasn't Barabbas. Barabbas got freed and Caracas is the capital of Venezuela. But, but nice try on you. What were they called? We don't know what they were called. I think they were unnamed thieves in the Bible. Onya,

[01:05:55] name them right now. I mean, I think Barabbas and Caracas is pretty good. Barabbas and Caracas. So, Barabbas got freed. Barabbas got freed because the whole point was the people were allowed to free someone and they could have freed Jesus, but they freed Barabbas, who was a noted criminal, you know? Right. Recidivist. You really distinctly remember making, do you remember what else you made with Duplo? No, that was one of the, that was the big one, I think. That was the big one. I mean, you don't really get much bigger than the crucifixion of our savior. No, yeah.

[01:06:25] To be honest. I'm like, I did that and then I built a fire station. What else did you do? Oh, I'm sorry. I guess it's not a surprise though that a lot of it filtered into playing because it was just, it was a lot of the stuff you were. Sure. I think a lot of kids would have played mass as well, you know? Oh, I definitely played mass. Yeah. Definitely would have played mass using white chocolate buttons for the host. Imagine if you got white chocolate buttons. The host, Anya, he's called the priest. No, no, no, no, I know. I know that's the body. It's the body.

[01:06:55] I'm just not sure. To be honest, Will, I don't know if you know anything. You know? So a mass is where you all go on a Sunday and the priest tells you about Jesus and then you're like, thanks Jesus. That was great. And there's a lesson and they come down with incense. So you're like, that smells like God. And then, and then they send around a plate that you have to put some money in twice. And then they go,

[01:07:22] and then you go up and they give you some parish and the sick and retired priests of the diocese. What's the second one for? The share collection. So, what's that? That's for share. Yeah, it's to, I think it's to help build other churches. That's what I was always told. And I believed as a young child that they actually literally and quite inefficiently built the churches out of money. That was a whole note. Were you a bit annoyed? Were you resentful about having to give money to that here when you were at home building crosses?

[01:07:52] I think I was kind of like, well, we should just be giving as many coins as possible. Don't give any notes, you know, because the coins are bigger. it takes loads of Duplo blocks to build a cross. Did your parents give you money to put in? Of course. Yeah, of course. yeah. It was such a big deal. Yeah, 20p, little coppery 20p. 20p? Goldy 20p with the horse on it. Richie rich over here. Yeah, I'm remembering a lot of two peas. Coppers and, coppers and muscles. People going to hell on you. Yeah, yeah, it was a different time. I don't, yeah,

[01:08:21] do you know there was also in my hometown like a grotto on the main street? A grotto? You still see them around the place. No, like a Mary's grotto and sometimes an outing in school would be we're going up to the grotto. The word grotto is used so rarely. It's not, it's not a nice word. It's too close to grotty. Yeah, yeah. But Mary has a grotto like Santa has a grotto. I think grotto was originally, isn't it, something to do with a cave? I think. Yeah, it must be Italian, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's originally whatever it is,

[01:08:50] but right now it's Santa's and apparently now Mary's as well. I'm sure it was Mary's first, but that's not how I'm remembering things. Have you ever been to Lords, Will? Cricket ground, amazing place, lovely stuff. No, I've never been, of course I've never been. Do you know, Will, I would believe that you'd have gone to Lords as some sort of. As a student helper. Yeah, something you did in your gap year, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that is fair. I probably thought about it. No, I've never been. That would blow your mind. The local Catholic school went. Have you been to?

[01:09:20] This is like somewhere you might go. Hey, that's the link. You go swimming at Lords. It's all about water, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, but swimming is a strong word. You dunk your donuts. Yeah. But lakes, you see lakes. Are creepy. Yeah, they are creepy. And you see, I also, I remember, I've read a book, one of the books in my favorite ever series called Red Wall. It's an amazing children's series of books. But there's one bit where two of the characters are fighting and they're on the edge of a lake and one of them is kind of backing away. And then he suddenly disappears.

[01:09:50] He's just gone. And then one of the other characters was like, where did he go? And then this guy's like, pothole mate, you know, just a hole of bottomless mud in the lake. We've got to watch out for them when we're crossing. And so ever since then, I've been like, all right, well, I'm never putting my feet on the bottom of a lake. And you shouldn't put your feet on the bottom of a lake anyway, because there could be all sorts of weeds and things that could sort of snuggle you up. You shouldn't swim in lakes. You shouldn't really swim in lakes. If it's a big lake where there's a beach attached to it, fine, you know? And it's an arranged thing. Yeah.

[01:10:20] But then otherwise, I know, like I said, I did swim in a lot of lakes. Sorry, I think it's just because I'm not talking, but it sounds a little bit like my mum and dad telling me off before I've done something wrong. It's really being like, now promise us you'll have a nice time, but don't swim in lakes. Yeah. If you can't see the bottom, basically. Yeah. You know, which is my rule for a lot of things. Yeah. If you can't see the bottom, don't dive in. Yeah. I once went swimming. Oh, in fact, we spoke. Worley Weir. Yeah. I was going to speak about Worley Weir, but I've already done that on the podcast. Went swimming there.

[01:10:50] And there was, yeah, with Tom Stabbins. And there was, I was told the story. I've told the story of when we found a cow car. Not we, I wasn't there. I heard this story. I don't have any anecdotes because I don't experience anything. I just take other people's and share them again. But there was a, I wondered when your self-loathing would. It took a while. It took longer than usual, but there was a cow, a cow carcass at the bottom of the river that someone disturbed and it floated to the top. That's not nice. Someone else was swimming along and it's a Weir, Worley Weir,

[01:11:18] and they got sucked down like one of the sluices and popped out the other side. That's pretty scary. Cool if it ends though. It's basically a big water slide. Yeah, if you survive, big water slide. If you don't, again, bad opening to a eulogy. Would you go down a big, a big water slide? No. No. Oh, big water, water world in York. That is a great place to go swimming. As opposed to the movie with, what's his name? Kevin Costner. Kevin, Kevin Costner. Yeah, yeah.

[01:11:45] Water world is a place in York that every so often my parents would announce we're going to go to water world. How big a slide are we talking? Because I've got a bit of one. In my mind, it was like, it was like the empire state building big. Yeah. And covered. Like enclosed. Yeah, yeah. Enclosed. Great stuff. Amazing. I know my sister was telling me that she, she brought her daughter who's, who at the time was, was maybe two and a half and was going down sort of little water slides in a place.

[01:12:15] But at one point she just, she sort of put the child in at the top and then went down to the end to wait. And she, she didn't come out for a while. And then, and ultimately she did. And she came, came splashing out. But, but my sister was like, we think she probably just sort of stopped herself in the middle and had a little, had a little sit there and then came out, you know, but that's a scary one. But also, well, you'll have really enjoyed this. I actually was going to text you the other day and I was like, no, I'll have to say this live on air. My niece was, so she obviously, you know,

[01:12:43] because she's three pronunciation of words, you know, it varies, you know, I do wonder, I'm like, why, why are you saying S that way this time? S this way another time. But anyway, her confession is really embarrassing. Oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, first of all, it would probably be a compassion, you know, and she'd be counting. If she was counting, it'd be one, two, T, tall, tie, you know, but she, but she, she always talks about, you have to, I very much enjoy asking her, you know, but where will we go and get some milk or where we go?

[01:13:12] She'd say to the bops, you know, you have to go to the bop to buy some things. So I asked her this question the other day and I thought, because I was just looking forward to her saying to the bop, will she totally, you know, like I, she, she saw me and raised me, you know, because she basically said, no, we're going to the pooper market. I was like, now that is a will Seabag Montefiore special. He probably still calls it that. Yeah. Have you ever said, well,

[01:13:42] I'm going to the pooper market? Probably. No, but I will now say nothing, nothing else. Yeah. So there you are. Oh my God, guys, Waterworld is closed. No. No, this is terrible. So I've just gone on, I've gone on TripAdvisor, Waterworld, all you need to know before you go. The, the, the, the first review is by a guy called Mick S. One star.

[01:14:16] He's reviewed it. One star. Yeah. It's a little unfair, I feel. Yeah. I mean, it's gone. Like, it's not bad because it's been demolished. This is so sad. Hugh, could you, could you let me share the screen so I can show you some pictures of Waterworld? Cause the, the, it's bleaker than I remembered. And then the third picture is, it's pretty horrifying. If you want to see the third picture, we'll put it on Instagram, but it will be really, really horrible. Okay. Wow. I mean, I don't know what to expect now. So here's, here's Waterworld. Brings back some memories.

[01:14:46] I mean, that just looks like a swimming pool place. Oh, cool. Yeah. Slides going around outside. That's cool. The slides going over traffic, you know, this, this next picture is the picture that really piqued my interest. Oh, what is that? It's just a ball of hair on a bin. And then there's some, there's some trash under a cubicle. And then there's some dirty vents. There's a cocktail sausage in the changing rooms. There's a nappy on the floor.

[01:15:17] It's not exactly how I remembered it, to be honest, guys. Yeah. You know, speaking of, speaking of sausages, Will, as well, kids in school, seven year olds in school today sang happy birthday for someone, but then they sang for, for she's a jolly good fellow. I was never aware of the version, which says for she's a squishy marshmallow. And then it ends with, and sausages on a bus and sausages on a bus. Very good. That's so innocent and sweet. Isn't it? isn't it? I thought it was going to be something horrible. Okay. So when you get into a swimming pool, right? Yeah. You're,

[01:15:47] what do you do? Like, are you hitting the 50 lengths? Are you like, what are you, what are you actually doing? I don't actually go to swimming pools very often, I guess is the answer. I was in a swimming pool a couple of weeks ago for the first time in years, I would say, but yeah, I've only, I'm kind of am. I'm, I'm want to swim a few lengths. I want to get some, get some exercise, you know, but that's because I'm, I've turned all old and unfun. I mean, I suppose if there's one where there's a bit of one of those like pumps that's blurting the water out at you or a little waterfall, you know, they're cool, you know,

[01:16:17] to go and swim under them. Yeah. Or like a little, a lazy river. I know that's not the swimming pool, but a lazy river. God, that's great. But Anya, you, so you swim a lot in a swimming pool, do you? Multiple times a week? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I did not know this about you. I didn't know you could swim. I just assumed you couldn't swim. I guess I can swim. I can't drive, but I can't swim. I don't believe you. I don't believe you can swim. I'm not a very serious swimmer, but like I do my lengths and then I do the kind of obligatory. I can't imagine you swimming. Splashing around, you know, get into the jacuzzi.

[01:16:47] Yeah. But is it a big old jacuzzi? Like how many could you fit in there? Oh, it's, it would be weird to share it with someone. And it's, the etiquette is very, it's very much. There's an outdoor hot tub, which is very nice, but the etiquette with that is very much one group of people who know each other. Like it would be, it would be a big move if somebody got in with you, you know, but you didn't know. But an outdoor hot tub. Oh, yeah. Lovely. And, and so when you, is it a,

[01:17:16] is it a 25 meter pool or is it a, like a good? No, Olympic. No, I, there's a starter's pistol and I leap. Like fish. It doesn't have those boards, does it? To dive in from, you know? Oh yeah, I go up to the, yeah, one of those big cages and I leap in. And, uh, my coach is waiting on the sidelines. No, it's, I'd say it's a 20, 25 meter pool. Diving is so difficult. So scary. I've never done it. I think it was in Rhodes. It was somewhere in Greece.

[01:17:46] Went to a beach and out to sea, like maybe like 25 meters at sea. There were some steps like that were built out in the ocean that went up to different platforms. Exclusively it seemed to jump off. So cool. But the top one was like three, three stories above the level of the water. Oh, absolutely not. So it was like one story, two story, three story. So I went straight to the top one. Not only is it like two or three stories off the top one, top of the water.

[01:18:14] You can see the water is so clear that you can see the bottom of the sea. Oh no. So it looks like you're double the height that you actually are. So your brain is like, did you do it? Don't do it. Yeah. It was absolutely terrifying. I've never been in the air for so long. It was amazing. See, I, I've been bungee jumping, right? I would never go bungee jumping. I would, I don't know what possessed me. You could not pay me any amount of money. You also did it over a car park on you. Like, it's not like you were going into the Grand Canyon or like a river in New Zealand.

[01:18:45] You did it over a car park in a college. Do you, do you think that's less scary? I don't know. I don't know. It's all terrible. That's big words from a man. Either way, you're going to die, but at least you're going to die in a beautiful setting rather than being scraped off by security. Science building. Yeah. It was horrible. It was absolutely horrible. But what I love about jumping from a height, right? Within reason is that it doesn't require any skill. Like with diving, it's just fun. You just, all you need to do is step off.

[01:19:14] But you do need to like, you do sort of need to stay calm. Like that's the skill. You do need to, because if you panic, it's don't shiru. Yeah. But yeah, it's not like diving where diving is like a proper skill. Cause I live not too far from Hampstead Heath and there are like the bathing ponds, which are just lakes that. Where they swim naked. Yeah. No, you're not allowed to swim naked. I don't think, but I did see Ed Miliband's bum there. So. I'd say you've got a real problem with that. Do you? A problem with what?

[01:19:43] People not being allowed to swim naked. Yeah. Yeah. What I do is I jump in, take my shorts off. Yeah. Can't stop me then. Can you? It costs me a lot in, in, in bathing suits, but look. No. We are where we are. Can you tell us a little bit more about Ed Miliband's bum? Oh, just that he goes swimming. Not as good as David Miliband's bum. The whole point was they should have got David Miliband's bum instead. If you'd seen David Miliband's bum, things would have been better. Yeah. And then crucially, no one would have had to see Jeremy Corbyn's bum if that had happened. You know?

[01:20:12] It's very, it's, it's good stuff. It's quite exciting though. Like, is that, is that the only celebrity bottom that you've spied? Yeah. Yeah. Because I, I tend to not try and look at people whilst they're changing. And that was just the first time I was there and I turned around and Ed Miliband was changing. And I was like, is Ed Miliband? I'm not going to say anything because that's his bum. And then, and then I was also being like dragged out after swimming naked. Yeah. But I, anyway, there's a diving board. I tried to dive in. I was laughing at my friend because he couldn't dive very well.

[01:20:42] And I tried to dive in. I dove in and was underwater and was like, I don't know which way is up. I'm going to die. And then it was fine. But I, now we'll never dive again. Never going to not dive again. The Ed Miliband brings us nice, I suppose. So what's your, what's your, what's your, what do you like to wear swimming? Oh, what I don't like to wear is boxers. That's all it feels. You feel like a sicko. You feel like a little pervert wearing your little pants going in and everyone's looking at you going to look at that sick little boy.

[01:21:11] I think almost every time I've swum with you, you've either worn your boxers or swimming tops that look like boxers. Well, didn't know they looked like boxers until right now, but yeah, that's, that's fair, but it's all internal. Cause I don't mind when other people swim in their boxes. I'm like, I don't know. Cause you're just thinking, look at you. You sad little man. Well, you forgot your togs, did you? You didn't plan ahead. Stupid togs. I don't know. I think it's more sort of like, God, this guy's just heading on in. He's just. Yeah. I mean, he doesn't have any other pants.

[01:21:40] He doesn't have any other pants with him. And we all know he's going home in a pair of jeans with no pants. We all know it. He knows it. We know it. God, there is nothing scarier in the world than, than zipping up the flies of your jeans when there's no boxes to protect anything. That's a scary moment. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure. Yeah. But on you, presumably at some point you must've swum in underwear. Yeah. But the one time I did, I thought I was kind of getting away and someone said, hang on, is that underwear? So straight away, do you know what I mean? Okay. That person,

[01:22:09] that person needs to stop talking to people. You can't call that out. Especially like that. Yeah. Yeah. That's something that you will bring up at your confession. At my, you know, at my leisure. Sorry. Is that underwear? No, no. It's that underwear. Uh, you're wearing underwear. And oh, it's all I can see. So it's technically now overware. Get out of the sea. I, I, I think it's just, it's like, um, it's really, you know, it's, it's, you know, the age old thing of like, why is it so weird to be in your, like,

[01:22:38] as in if you met somebody that you worked with and you were in your togs, it would be uncomfortable, but it wouldn't be as uncomfortable as if you were both in your underwear. listen, absolutely. Absolutely. You know, it's, it's bizarre. It's a socially acceptable near nudity. It's a conceit. Acceptable near nudity. Yeah. Yeah. What do you wear swimming? Will or Hugh? Like, like swimming, swimming togs, like very short. No. Like over the buttock. No. My buttocks are covered. Hugh's like a,

[01:23:07] a third of the thigh guy, right? Which third though? Yeah, the bottom third of your thigh is covered. I feel like probably halfway. Oh, that's quite, that's quite short. No, it's not that short. It's like halfway between the waist and the knee. That's not swimming shorts. Those are swimming pants. No, they're not. That'd be if it was up there. Yeah, there you go. That is how you find out. Are they? Are they? Look, the time lines begin here. I'm not taking a photo of this. Yeah, no, I don't think,

[01:23:37] I think it will, I think it's a dangerous thing for you to put online. Like chum in the water, my God. Like chum. Chum. My swimming pool, very exciting, has, has one of those kind of centrifuge things. Oh yeah. When you spin your time. Yeah, it's got to be the grossest thing in the world. Oh, don't, don't, don't. I think I've said this to you before on the podcast. They must be so filthy. Why? Because everyone's had all their stuff rubbing up against them in the water.

[01:24:07] You're obsessed with this. You think the speed of matter on everything. But the water just snuces out the sides, you know, carrying with it whatever there is. I guess there's lots of chlorine in the water. And it's chlorinated water. Yeah, but they all smell, I mean, I don't care. I have baths. I'm a very dirty little boy, but like, I just think they're gross. They smell the same and they smell weird. I'm just like, it can't be, it just can't be that good. Do you know what? I hadn't swum in a very long time. And I walked into, I was in a hotel, I was in the changing room. And then I walked through into the swimming pool area. And the wave of heat and the smell. And it was like, God,

[01:24:37] you would, you could, you could not swim for 70 years. And as soon as you hit that air, you'd be like, oh yeah. Like, you know, when we were in college, it had a very specific smell. It was like packaged soup and coffee beans. And again, different, but like the arts block had a smell. Wasn't that the name of your double act as well? Packed soup and coffee beans. Yeah. Yeah. It's a Michael and I's double act. Yeah. Yeah. It's not, it hasn't been going very well. I don't think Michael and I would be a good spin off solo. No, I think you'd fight a lot. Oh, I don't think we'd fight a lot. No,

[01:25:06] we're very much in, in, in, in, we had one fight one time and you think we fight all the time. Yeah. It was a big fight. There's more fights than Hugh and I have had, but we haven't known each other as long. Yeah. You need to like, I don't know what would be something that would drive you both insane? Assemble an Ikea wardrobe together and we'll see. I think we'd enjoy that. Yeah. I think we would. No. Okay. I'm going to find, I'm going to find a horrible task that will drive you both. I think most tasks we'd enjoy. do it. But then also that's because like us hanging out is, you know,

[01:25:35] it's still a novelty because we don't get to do it as often as we'd like. So it's always just nice. What about it? Okay. You have to apply for a mortgage together. also Hugh's a very understanding person. When I forgot he was coming to my house, he was fine with it. I don't think he was an understanding person. He was very reasonable about it. I think this always says a lot about our relationship on you. And I'm not sure because anytime anyone describes me as understanding or patient for anything like this, you're like, no. You're so tolerant. He said, well, no, I don't think that's bad, but I don't think you're like, you're, you're not a passive blob. You know what I mean? I think you're quite,

[01:26:05] I think you're quite like, I was saying he was definitely annoyed. He was definitely upset about it. He wasn't upset. Do you know what, Will? I wasn't surprised. I just don't think, I think people think Hugh, because you're kind of quiet, that you're just a big like, oh, please step all over me, Will. Bring me to your house and then abandon me. But like, he's, I'd say he'd bitch behind your back for hours,

[01:26:34] I'd say. No, but it, no, well, absolutely not, but it tracked, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it made sense. Yeah. You'll be putting prawns in your radiator and everything. I'd say. Vengeful, I would say. I just, I take umbrage with the idea that I, my saying that Hugh is tolerant and nice is that I'm walking all over him. Passive blob. Yeah. Passive blob. Like. That could be my DJ name, maybe my rapper name, passive blob.

[01:27:05] But then like over the years, I'd reinvent myself. And sometimes I'd be P blob, you know, sometimes I'd be pass blow. Sometimes. Or you'd be P bibby. Yeah. P bibby. P blobby. I don't think you're a passive blob. I'm just saying. Thank you for clarifying. Again, that would be the quote. Two dimensional. Again, it's not. I don't think anyone was saying that he was two dimensional. Like. You made it sound like he was just like, okay. Tags will. No, but when you leave to my defense and you're like, look, he's three dimensional.

[01:27:35] Okay. He's not a passive blob. Right. I'm like, thanks. Onya. He's practically humanoid. We'll listen to the tape. But I feel like I was saying he's tolerant and understanding. And you went, he's not a passive blob. He's. Crucially though, Onya, you also said that you will find us a task that will turn us against each other. So I look forward to it. Yeah. I can't wait. Bear in mind last year before our live show, we baked a cake together at 1am. You know, that could have thrown things asunder. And I. Yeah. But we'll bitch about your loads.

[01:28:04] Messed about, messed about. I'm sowing the seeds. You're sowing, sowing the idea that I would bitch about you to you two. When really? Oh, let me tell you the other way around. Those idiots aren't even staying here. Bitching about me to you two. Imagine getting Bono and the edge and being like, let me tell you about this. So what? Michael and I are Larry Mullen and the other one. Who's the other one? Adam Clayton. No, nobody knows. Adam Clayton. Yeah. Yeah. You are Larry Mullen, aren't you? What? No, I'm definitely Bono. No,

[01:28:34] I'm the edge. You're not Bono. I'm the edge. Wait, hey, we finally found. Will is Bono. Will is Bono. Will is Bono. Yeah. Yeah. I'm putting my, I'm putting my, my albums on your iPhone without consent. Michael certainly thinks he's Larry Mullen because Larry Mullen is ripped. Is he? Oh, Larry Mullen's hot. What is Adam Clayton? The real passive blob. Right. So will I review the pros and cons? We'll see where we're at. Okay. So pros, we've, we've two pros that were from quite early on.

[01:29:02] It's inclusive and it's non-prescriptive. Yeah. And then you stopped writing on the list. No, no, no. There we've cons. We've lakes. Yeah. Uh, boxers as tugs. Yeah. Yeah. And the sea is dirty. So. Some pros, really good for your mental health. Yeah. Did we mention the sea being dirty? Or did you just Michael that on the list? Or you wrote that down. Yeah. Yeah. No, we did mention the sea being dirty. You say we. Yeah. You said it. Dublin Bay was dirty. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's a bit of the sea, I suppose.

[01:29:33] Yeah. Yeah. Well, the sea generally is quite dirty. Bits of everything. Bits of you are dirty. Compared to all the rest of life, you know, I don't feel. What did you say? Bits of me are dirty? Yeah. I'd say you're mostly clean, but bits of you are dirty. Dirty? No, I don't think any of me is dirty. On you. There are creatures that live in your eyelashes, you know, there are creatures crawling all over your face. That's not dirt. That's not dirt. Having sex right now. Christ. It's true. That's not dirt though. That's not dirt. No, I'm not covered in, I'm not, I'm not covered,

[01:30:03] I'm not like a, like a extra on Angela's ashes here. You know what I mean? I don't know what that means. She was one of the signatories of the 1916 proclamation. Oh, Angela ashes, I see. Yeah. Okay. So. Right. Final judgments. Yeah. Swimming's amazing. I, I didn't really like it when I was a kid. I wasn't very good at it. I didn't have much confidence with it, but I've, since like swimming in the sea, it's amazing. It's so much fun. I,

[01:30:31] I think it's a joy that everyone should experience. Cold water exposure is really good for you and, uh, being able to do it safely. It's just, it's just lovely. I really like it. I think swimming's a huge, legitimate, like you. Yeah, definitely legitimate. Like, I mean, again, I think I'll say what I said at the very start. I like that. You don't have to be able to swim to swim, you know, like you can just do your thing. And lots of people use it for like, yeah, just wellbeing stuff, both in the, like having a hobby or doing something different or doing something nice, but also like,

[01:30:58] like from a very physical way of regulating body temperature and stuff like that, you know, which is quite cool. But, um, yeah. So yeah, it's, uh, yeah, definitely legitimate. Like, yeah. Anya, would you have said that swimming's a legitimate? yes, I love swimming. There we go. That's it. Swimming's officially a legitimate. that's exciting. It's nice to see, we haven't had many athletic endeavors go on the legitimate likes. No, that's a good point. Hall of Fame. So, yeah. Go out, go out and swim, everybody.

[01:31:25] And join us for our annual legitimate likes swim. Where's that taking place on you? That is taking place. Where would we have that? Do you think? Ed Miliband's going to be there. I have a globe by my desk. Okay. The first thing I saw was the Seychelles. So do you think we could. That'd be very nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'll be doing a legitimate likes. Is it a spinny globe? Can you spin it? So spin it and stick your finger on it. Oh, nice globe. And then do the thing with the globe. Stop.

[01:31:55] Tell me what's stopped. Stop. Stop. We're going to Las Vegas. Famous for its swimming. Amazing. Okay. Well, we'll see you there listeners. Get your tickets. What happens in Vegas swims in Vegas. Yeah. Well, this has been the second nicest conversation I've had with a co-host this evening. So thanks for, thanks for everything, Hugh. Yeah. Thanks, Will. Good to be back. Yeah. Can't wait to swim with you again. We've swum before. We'll swim again. Onya, we've never swum together. Do you reckon it'll happen at some point? I think so.

[01:32:33] We really went about the houses, didn't we? Let us know what your favorite sacrament is. Maybe get in touch with us and ask us if we can name other groups of seven things. Because there must be loads more. Must be. Check out all of our other episodes. We've got about 120 of them. There are some about other, yeah, physical endeavors. We did running. We did football. We did cricket. It's a physical endeavor. The gym. The gym. That's true. And then also there's ones on pop culture and various other things. So. Each more beautiful than the last.

[01:33:03] Each more beautiful than the last. It goes up and down. So dive in and see what you find. Swim around, get caught at the bottom, and drown in our content. Goodbye. Goodbye. Just keep swimming, everybody. This podcast is part of Podomity,

[01:33:33] the UK's podcast comedy network. Why not laugh at what else we've got? Visit podomity.com.