Shopping: The food aisle, gift hunting and the tipping point

[00:00:00] Did you know you can see Legitimate Likes live at the Cheerful Earful Podcast Festival? Tap the link in the episode description to book tickets now. Hello I'm Will and I'm Hugh and this is Legitimate Likes the podcast where we take a look at some of humanity's most popular fascinations and we try to work out are they really worthy of the hype? They may be likes but are they legitimate likes? This week I'm talking about shopping with producers Onya and Michael.

[00:00:27] Guys I have a something I'm a little bit worried about that I want to share with you because I am about to lose my driving license is about to expire right? Hugh you might remember when I first got this driving license so it's it's about 10 years ago at this stage. This is my current driving license picture. It's the best photo that has ever been taken of me possibly of anyone. It's John Goldfox Michael. Yeah do you know I had this with my passport but I...

[00:00:55] What is the next one? This has happened to me too. The good one for me was 20 years ago. I got a new passport this year. How old are you 20 years ago? 19 and it was taken on my 19th birthday and I just looked great and my one after that wasn't great and now you see now I think the passport photos for some reason like you're just ghosts. They're awful.

[00:01:16] My last passport photo. Oh my god ever the stars had aligned it is just such a good photo and I was under pressure to get my last photo done and I was like I just run into it like I didn't I don't think I had makeup on it just ran into a photo booth. I was like actually like greasy hair like it's it's just like and like like like you know like kind of wan and like like just just like like a and now it's on everything and they put them and now when you get anything and that's that's what's on your public services card you were driving.

[00:01:45] It's on my my my provisional driver's license. Right. But it's so great but it makes me so sad because I wanted to show it off but now you're like don't let anyone look at that ever. I know. That's terrible Michael. I feel for you. I feel for you. I've been there. You should keep it. Let's see it again. Let's see it again. I look incredible. Are you getting like double double takes at the thing when they're like that's not you? Yeah that's true. Yeah this is clearly your older handsomer brother. Do you know what I think will do you a lot of favors Michael? Yeah.

[00:02:14] Because you've got a lot older looking since then. A lot. More than 10 years older looking. Yes. I think the black and white slightly fuzzy photo will do you favors. Yeah that's probably true. I think you'll still work it. No I don't. The problem is though in a black and white context my hair used to be represented as black and now it'll be represented as white. So it actually amplifies the difference. You've gone past the gray scale balance. There was a day I was in town there and I was getting a coffee and the barista was like sorry can I just say you look amazing.

[00:02:44] And I was like sorry. And she was like your outfit? Your makeup? You look ethereal. And I was like sorry thank you so much. It's so nice. And then I met a friend of mine and she came in and she was like you look like you're an extra on the white lobes. And I was like what is going on today? And like so I was like okay I got to take a note of like what makeup did I do? There's obviously some. There's something I've done differently. But you may not. Like that's a fleeting thing. Like that's gone. Do you know what I mean? Where's that on my passport photo?

[00:03:11] My passport photo actually looks like you know like somebody in the UK has been accused like on you know body cam footage who's been like arrested for some horrific crime. Like it's just it's it's like or like somebody who's like patient zero in an outbreak. Yeah. Like sort of a typhoid Mary situation. Or like it looks like a photo fit of yourself. You know if someone described you to the police and they were looking for you. Or like you know somebody on an airport. You know those those Etta wanted posters?

[00:03:41] Yes. Yes. Like for like terrorism in the 90s or whatever. This is really bad. And like Michael what I would urge you to do is don't take the first photo they give you. Yeah. You know like take your time get a good photo because you're still with it. No I will. I will. For 10 years. And like how old are you going to look in 10 years time? I know well. If you continue at this rate. It's true. It's true. Oh my god I think we're giving you a really hard time. All that's really happened is you've gone a bit greater but it's working for you. I'm making it work on you. You know.

[00:04:07] I just I know I've said it before but it was the day we recorded the episode on the heart for a couple of times a couple of years ago. And Michael you arrived to my house and my dad was there and he said God Michael looks so much older. Of course he does because he last saw Michael when he was like 17. It's true. Yeah. But when Michael got out of the car I also didn't recognize him. I thought it was a dad and of course it was a dad. Michael would you consider just for men? No.

[00:04:36] No I've had a number of people ask me that question recently. Can we have a go at that for a laugh? Like would you agree to that? Like would that be an interesting experiment? Like would it would people react to me differently? Would yeah maybe maybe. But like what's it like I'm gone quite grey. You just can't see it because I'm not like I'm just for women in it. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

[00:05:04] Michael you said at the start that you had something that was really worrying you. I've got something that's going to really worry you. Yeah. I accidentally today. No pension. Was out for dinner. Well no pension obviously. I think Michael's just made his peace with that. You can live off Michael. Yeah. That's your pension. That's it. I'm hoping he'll come good. Yeah. Michael. Wow. I.

[00:05:39] You know what? That would be. I actually. I was going to say homophobic right? Maybe this is the one time when I'm not okay with guys being together. It was you two. Is that okay? Yeah. I think it is. Yeah. I think it is. I just wouldn't. No. I wouldn't like it if you two started homophobic. Me and Will it'd be fine wouldn't it? And Michael and Will it might be okay. I think there'd be something about you and Michael. You know each other for too long. It's too creepy now. Do you know what I mean? Like it's like it's. You're basically family. So. I mean you and Will are family.

[00:06:08] So I don't know why that would be any better. But there's something really. Like what would have gotten. What desert island would you two have been stranded on? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Again. As I said in the camping episode. One gun two bullets. No Michael. Today I was having dinner. And I accidentally took a sip of someone's gin and tonic. Oh. Oh. Wow. So. For the listener. Neither you nor I have ever drunk. Right. As in. As in. Really ever.

[00:06:38] So this is a significant event. And yes. Michael literally never. Right. Yeah. And Hugh. Like. Also. I mean practically literally never. Right. I think that's probably fair. Yeah. Pretty close. Pretty close. Yeah. Yeah. A few sips of. Exactly. Exactly. Nothing that you know. Every now and then. Kids wouldn't drink at a wedding kind of thing. You know. Yeah. Kids drink champagne more at weddings than I do. Exactly. Exactly. It was horrible. It was so horrible. I actually spat it into my hand. Yeah.

[00:07:06] Because it didn't even make it. It was horrible. And I suppose partly it was because I wasn't expecting it. I was expecting slightly lemony water. And I got this. Yeah. I was just like. Oh. And I spat it into my hand. And as it turns out. Down my jumper as well. That sounds like the time that I was once at a party. And I accidentally took a drink from what I thought was my drink. But it was a bottle that had been used as an ashtray. What is this? It's the most horrific thing you've ever heard. Like imagine if you're going to have a nice cool sip of something. So there was liquid in there. And it's like.

[00:07:36] The bottle that has been. Liquid in it. Liquid in it. And it was like. Oh. And it was so bad. Oh. That's so bad. And it was a really hot day. And it was like all the cigarette butts had just been like mangling. But how little attention were you paying to what. But I see a bottle with a long neck on it. Like you wouldn't. It wouldn't really. Like I wasn't. I just put my hand down and was like. Oh my gosh. I guess if I. Yeah. Do you know it was in Connor McAndrew's house. I do. Doesn't surprise me. I do. Think that.

[00:08:06] You must have real respect for my not drinking. To think that me. Taking a sip of gin and tonic. Is the same. As you. Drinking slurry of. Warm beer. And other people's cigarette butts. Skilled cigarettes. No. Isn't that absolutely disgusting. It's haunting. I can still taste that now. Gross. Gross experiences all around. Oh. Yeah. What are we talking about today? Shopping. So. I mean.

[00:08:35] We've talked about shopping centers. In the past. But I suppose we've never really discussed shopping. So I think we're going to look at three areas of shopping for this. Okay. Interesting. Food. Gifts. And clothes. Oh. The three dimensions of shopping. I like it. We get into our. Our painted three question quiz. Yes. Yeah. Let's do it. Okay. So Tesco. Founder is a man called Jack Cohen. So I think Tesco was actually founded in like 1919 or something like that. This is very old.

[00:09:04] And he had a motto which was pile it high and sell it cheap. But he also had an internal motto that he used which was YCDBSOYA. What does that stand for? Okay. Give us that again. Y. Y. C. D. B. S. O. Y. A. You can't buy. You can't damn buy something on your own. You're quite close. You can't. You can't. Give us the next letter.

[00:09:35] Go on. Buy. No D. You can't. Do business. Oh. You can't do business selling on your ass. Sitting on your ass. You can't do business. Oh. Sitting on your ass. I like it. For some reason. I don't really know. What do you think he meant by that? Like does that mean that like was he just really against sitting at your desk? He was into standing desks I'd say. Yeah. Standing desks. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:10:05] Michael do you think that's a good motto for business? I think so. Although I suppose most of business today is conducted by people sitting on their asses. Their respective asses. Well I do think if you maybe with the exception of Hugh if you saw most of us at work it would literally be just us staring at a spreadsheet. That's everybody's job. Right? It is. Yeah. I think I've said this in the podcast before that it is one of the less delightful aspects of the modern world that really like regardless of what career you choose you know 80% of

[00:10:34] the time you're going to end up working on Excel or Word. Or saying have you put the tracker on the F drive? And you could be the head of roller coaster experiences for Disney and it will still be have you updated the tracker on the F drive? You could be in space. Stephen's on leave this week. You could be in space. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's a tracker? It's a log Hugh. It's a form of a log. So like you know we'd be we'd have some kind of tracker for our episodes and we'd be updating

[00:11:00] it and I'd be saying to Michael Michael's on annual leave this week so Hugh's going to have to update the tracker. Don't forget we need to update the tracker by 5pm on Friday or Will is going to be very annoyed because he needs to update the client by 6pm and if I can't find the tracker on the F drive and I'm not pleased with the naming conventions on the tracker and I am just so convinced you could be head taster of exciting new ice cream flavours for Haagen-Dazs and you probably still have to update the tracker. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's true.

[00:11:28] And I think it's a it's a real it's a real pity because I think in the oldie times of maybe 40 or 50 years ago you probably just didn't have to concern yourself with stuff like that. Someone else did your paperwork. You had a you had a secretary. I bet John Cena has to update a tracker occasionally. You know like I think you could pick the rock. Yeah. Exactly. It's like where's the tracker? Yeah. Yeah. You think Arnold Schwarzenegger has a tracker? A hundred percent. He was the governor of California. Get to the tracker.

[00:11:58] But it leads me to believe that maybe it's better to have a fun job in a boring place than a boring job in a fun place. Yeah. I guess so. Yeah. Oh definitely. So if you're working in Disney but you're like your job is like you're like administrator for the tracker in Disney. Wouldn't it be more fun to be like the sluice vat tester in the abattoir? No that's not an example.

[00:12:22] Like the the the the oh maybe the in the abattoir but your job is the Christmas party organization. Yeah. Yeah. Head of head of morale at the abattoir. I would hate that. Oh God. But you know Anya I'd say if you were forced into that situation if some bizarre set of circumstances had left you there you'd put in a good shift. You'd do your best. Yeah. Yeah. Funny I saw a job advertising the other day and I was like oh this looks quite promising

[00:12:51] and then I realized they were making AI for defense systems. I was like oh. Oh no. Oh no. Like wait a second. Because you know when everything is said very obliquely and you're like oh this sounds this sounds really in. Oh no. Never mind. Shut it down. Okay. So question two. So I don't know if any of you ever heard of the Piggly Wiggly American grocery chain. No. Okay. Do you know what the Piggly Wiggly grocery chain might be famous for? Some kind of bacon product?

[00:13:20] So the first outlet of it opened in 1916 in Tennessee but they did something that was very groundbreaking around the same time that wouldn't have been happening anywhere else and is now completely commonplace. Is it a food product? No. Oh is it like tills in the shop or something? You're getting close. So you fill your own basket or? Yes. Self-service shopping. Ah. So self-service shopping.

[00:13:49] I think that only came probably like in our parents childhood up to our parents childhood people would have still gone into a grocer's and you would have given the list and gotten stuff back. But this Piggly Wiggly grocery chain introduced the innovation of allowing customers to go through and they discovered that even though they had losses from shoplifting they it was that was offset by profits from increased impulse impulse spending because you know people were to go to the grocery clerk or whatever people weren't just randomly throwing stuff into their basket because you'd go in with your list or whatever.

[00:14:20] But that then I think became commonplace obviously across the world but it now seems very strange imagine going into a shop and having to wait to be served. That seems like a luxury experience actually like having a personal shopper kind of situation doesn't it? Well do you think that we are slowly like I think about this all the time that like everything has been stripped down. Yes. To such bare bones. Yeah I've got to bring my own cup now do I? Well that's the least of your troubles. You've got to detag your own clothes. You've got to. Yeah. You've got to.

[00:14:49] You know do you like that? Do you think it is more efficient like these innovations? Scan as your shop and self-service tills and. I don't know. It's definitely reducing the number of interactions you have with people and the expectation that you'll interact with people which is not great right? It's nice to talk. See I think now when people go through the normal on the rare occasion I go through the normal till in Tesco right? I don't use the scan as you shop. You're kind of nearly affronted if the teller is like making conversation with you like you're

[00:15:17] kind of surprised even though that used to be a completely normal thing that you would go through and you would be talking maybe for 10 minutes while everything went through and was scanned and everything and it was completely normal and there might even be a person bagging your groceries as well. Yeah yeah yeah. That was a very interactive experience. Taking care of you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And like when was I mean I think that would be an amazing service. And a guy taking back to trolleys as well. There'd be someone there. No I'm surprised they don't make it. I don't know. I have on a number of occasions been into our local super value and there is no member

[00:15:47] of staff there and I really wonder what happens. Like there's no one there. Well I mean a little is being run by like two people. Yeah and it's like if they go off into the storeroom anarchy reigns although it doesn't. People are very well behaved. But it doesn't. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I was in a Holland and Barrett the other day and I had gone in for a very specific thing and I bought it and I was waiting to pay and there was nobody there. So do you know what I did? Because I was worried that if they kept looking out they wouldn't see me at the till.

[00:16:16] So I kind of I guess quite passive aggressively in hindsight stood at the staff room entrance. And just waited. Did you say anything? No no I just kind of lurked. When she came back out she would see that I was waiting because otherwise I would have you know but but you're right nobody was shoplifting. Do you know when we're talking about sort of degradation of standards in services do you know what really grinds my gears is let's say you go out for dinner with you know a group

[00:16:41] of friends or whatever and there's 80 of you there and they come to the it comes to the bill and they're like no splitting the bill. But that now. Well what do people mean by splitting the bill? Do they mean that like you know we'll put 40 on that card 40 on that card? Is that what you mean? Yeah they mean like we're only taking all of this from one card. I do think that's a bit of a pain for the restaurant staff who have a lot going on. They do but but if we all came here as four separate tables of two people you'd be doing

[00:17:10] the exact same thing and more. But we didn't. I don't think it's good customer service though. It's not. I don't think it's good customer service and it inconveniences the customer. Yes it does. Because if I go out if we go out for dinner it's the three of us right we know we should do pretty well. I would happily hunt either of you down for sport if you owe me money so it'd be fine. Yeah. But like if I'm at a table with like people I don't know very well or a work thing. Yeah. Like or I have to expense something or there's something you know what I mean like I don't want to necessarily get into like a.

[00:17:36] And there's always someone who's not on Revolut or someone who forgets who just casually forgets and then you're like well here I am. Yeah but I just don't think that's the waiting staff's job. It seems to me. I think it is. Well unlike you two soft handed princes. Well this is the thing on it. You have. Yeah it's not that much hassle to do it. And also you take pride in it like if you enjoy it like you want to you know you want

[00:18:05] to stick the landing with the service you want to be obliging. It's one of the last interactions you have at the restaurant it's a negative one. You're on your way out the door and they're like sorry we're not even taking your money. I agree with you. I don't like when a restaurant has too many prescriptive rules as well like no you know table back in 90 minutes you know splitting the bill minimum spend no like splitting of main courses no like that's because. I know. That just that just it stifles your. It does. I'm okay on all the rest of those but the splitting the bill actually I'm like no you

[00:18:34] want me to do eight different transactions. No I'm on their side. No I but again if we showed up as eight individuals or four couples you know they'd have to do it anyway. Also I like Prince that the main thing is what gives them the right to say that someone else has to pay everyone else's bill. Like hey what am I the foreman of the table. Like this is not I don't accept this position. And don't go to the restaurant Michael. What gives them the right to charge a bill for you've come together.

[00:19:02] To me for food that you've eaten. The restaurant and again nothing Michael is the answer. And again Michael the person that you're dealing with here is not the owner of the restaurant it's the person who's not earning very much money and is under lots of pressure. In this day and age though Mike or Hugh with those like those systems now it's not it's everything it's fast like yeah I mean like when I was working as a waitress like bills back in the 1970s apparently the everything was still handwritten on a docket like so that

[00:19:30] was more more hassle or whatever. Yeah. And you still had to get I'm joking we didn't have to get you know those big things with the credit card had to be. Yeah. Yeah. Do you remember. And you have to give them there was you you took the pink docket you gave them the blue one and the yellow one went on a pin on the wall. And they were playing bike and it was two and six for dinner and it was no but I know I agree with you and I just think sometimes most tables won't split the bill most people will pay

[00:19:56] in one batch so you don't need to go around having big dramatic policies like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well. Sort it out restaurants. But it's part of the service. But why is it but it doesn't but it's not it doesn't have to be part of the service. That's like saying you all have to eat from one big trough. No it's not. You've made one booking and so you pay one bill. So you get one fork between yous. Again. Like you make one booking you pay one bill.

[00:20:26] No I'm not I'm not having it. No. I'm it's it's it's it's accepting it's it's pushing stuff onto the consumer which is which is fine which is fine because the consumers the one spending lots of money in this restaurant already. Yeah. So so you should be like receiving a service for it. I think the vast majority of people working in services are amazing but sometimes you're about to feel like you have gone in and asked for a free favor and it's like no I am willing to pay.

[00:20:56] So like you know what I mean and often things are so expensive now that I don't and when you know it's like when you're asked to tip at a self-service situation and you're like well all that's happening is that the entire romance of being served or whatever or enjoying this experience is being stripped away while costs climb up and I have even less interaction with a person. Do you know what I mean? Sure. But I think that's I just think that's a different situation and the person asking you the person say deciding you're not allowed to split the bill is not the person you're interacting with here. You know? Yeah.

[00:21:25] And I don't necessarily have a problem with that person. I have a problem with the policy not with the person who's asked to enact the policy. I think that's fair. Do you but Hugh it does sometimes happen that it's not that easy to to all pay it because not everybody has cash or revenue or whatever. I just think you've got to figure it out though you know in this day and age. I don't want to figure it out. I don't want to figure it out. I know you don't. I want to eat a burger and go. But now you're making us seem like we're too kind of sort of indolent Dove fans.

[00:21:53] We'll ask at the live show. First of November in Belfast. Oh don't ask because Will is going to be like. Will doesn't believe in restaurants at all probably. Will probably thinks we should go in and cook our own dinners and we should serve it to the staff because it's anti-socialism to even you know we're just big pigs at the trough. Exactly. And we should be. Yeah. Question three. Question three. Okay.

[00:22:20] So Tesco every year or every couple of years release a list of like what the most purchased items were right. So for example in 2024 two liters of fresh classic milk was the number one purchase item. What do you think the in the same year the most popular meal deal combination was. So I want a main course you know sandwich or salad the side and then your drink. I mean it's definitely a ham and cheese with cheese and onion crisps and a coke. You're very close.

[00:22:50] So the sandwich was actually a wrap. Any idea what the wrap might have been. Oh Cajun chicken wrap. Southern fried chicken. Yeah that's what I was thinking. Yeah it's good. Yeah. The side was indeed potato cheese and onion. Yeah. And the drink. Coke zero. Coke. Coke zero. Yeah nobody's drinking coke anymore are they. I think drinking coke is crazy. I think drinking actually anything other than water is crazy at this point. We have to acknowledge that. It's true. It's true though.

[00:23:19] Hugh you only drink water. No but I don't think everyone who does everything else is crazy. I do though. That's not true. Hugh likes juice. It's not like he doesn't he objects to like flavor. But I do drink very little. Substances. I do. I do just drink almost all water. It's a decadence you know. Anything other than the water. What are you doing. Sparkling water. Get some sparkling water. Michael you drink loads of minerals and sodas and stuff. You do. You do. I don't really. Don't. When did you last have one. I actually. The nights that we podcast. That is my exception.

[00:23:49] I always have a little. A little tipple. I had a grapefruit soda tonight. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. I'm not suggesting that you should only drink them instead of water. But like a Coke zero is like. Oh my God. Do you know people call them a fridge cigarette? I never was a true written. Oh my God. They are so good. Like a crispy Coke zero. Have any of you tried Dua Lipa's drink which she has Coke zero with pickle juice and jalapeno juice. Okay. And? It's so good. Is it? You probably like Sunny Delight do you? No. I'd say you do.

[00:24:19] Can you taste the difference between a Coke and a Coke zero or is it just that you feel it's better for you? A hundred percent. You'll feel it on your teeth. I won't drink full fat Coke. I know it's not full fat. Full sugar Coke. I think it's a crazy drink. What about diet Coke? Diet Coke is a very different flavor. I know some people actually prefer that but it's not as good. Coke zero is different too though and I. So the amount of sugar in regular Coke obviously is terrible for you. Yeah. But the amount of other stuff in Coke zero is not good for you and the effect that it has on your appetite in particular.

[00:24:49] There's no evidence though apparently that. There's significant evidence. There's not. That is that is that the amount of processed foods in it basically your body is anticipating. Okay. Okay. Suddenly all this stuff's hitting my system. Apparently that's not true. Let's get ready. Like we're you know your caveman mind is like we've taken down a mammoth like the amount of food that's coming the amount of stuff that's coming to our system here. Let's get ready. Let's digest. And then you've got this some crazy Netflix documentary or something. No no no. It was a it was a science book science book that I read.

[00:25:19] A science a science book. A science book. By a scientist and an author. No I don't think that's true. I think in moderation it's fine as well. So climb off your high horse. Nope. I don't split bills and I don't drink coke. Next question. I don't drink coke either. I don't think that should put anyone else off it but I know for me I would not enjoy that amount of sugar in a drink. I think it's crazy. Yeah. I agree. And also there's the sugar tax now so you're paying more for it aren't you? Oh do you really?

[00:25:50] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I think like if you buy like a bottle of or like a can of coke versus coke zero the can of coke is dear. Hmm. Yeah. I mean I agree you shouldn't drink coke zero like water but you know it's. A little bit. Why does it exist? Why it's so delicious. You can go back and listen to our soft drinks episode actually listener if you want to hear more on this. Michael what other pleasures? What other pleasures do you think are just totally unnecessary? Sorry. I think jellies jellies of any sort.

[00:26:20] Coffee. Yeah. Teas. A herbal tea. Do you think coffee's bad for you? Do you think coffee's bad for you? I think coffee is. I don't necessarily think that coffee is bad for you but I think regularly taking in caffeine yeah is not great. So yeah. That's not true though. Well so. No it's such a boring topic. Let's not even go down there. I'm going to get on my horse again. No. No go on. So what the studies will show is that if you drink caffeine the level of activity in your brain increases right.

[00:26:49] But your brain gets used to that and that the more you drink if you drink it every day the level of activity goes up it goes up less and less and less every day and eventually it kind of flips around such that you need caffeine to get to what feels like a normal level of brain activity. So you just you it goes from being a stimulant to being something you actually have a bit of dependency on. So yeah I'm that's that's that's why I don't drink coffee on you. It's really good for your liver though coffee.

[00:27:17] Apparently reduces your chance of stroke. It does. Coffee is good. Coffee is it is marginally better to have coffee than not to have coffee. Also like it's a stimulant but in an amazing way. Like would you not like a little stimulant now and again? No. I am a little stimulant. I know. I just I think like I think you would love coffee as well. Do you know what it makes me think when people don't like coffee? Yeah. I don't think you have a very refined palate. No I like the taste of it. I don't like the.

[00:27:46] So you just deprive yourself of it for. Exactly. Exactly. Well I'm sure I'd like heroin if I tried that too you know. But do you judge people who have a coffee every day? You think it's a waste of money as well let's say do you? I do think it's a ferocious waste of money. Cost of coffee is mental obviously. Michael do you do anything that. Have you managed to get rid of most things that are bad for you? Or do you feel you still have things in your lifestyle that are bad for you? Yeah. What are your what are your bad habits? Well the device that was hardest for me to kick was chocolate. But is it kicked? And I still definitely eat chocolate.

[00:28:15] But I eat a lot less of it. As in I eat a small bit at the weekend and that's it. Yeah. Any other bad places? Sorry. What's a small bit of chocolate though? I would buy a single chocolate bar. A small one. And I'd have a little bit on Friday night. A little bit on Saturday night. Like an 8 block dairy milk? Like a like a you know like a like a personal size Bourneville. Like a pocket size Bourneville. Like one of those. You have it up with three nights. And you have a small bit. Five or six pieces in a row. Yeah I'm having two on a Friday. Two on a Saturday. Two on a Sunday.

[00:28:45] That's the only chocolate you eat now. Hugh can you agree with me? That's weird. No but if I go to like someone's birthday party and there's a cake there. I'll eat half of it. Do you know what I mean? You're not coming to my birthday party Michael. Not with that half of cheese. But I wouldn't eat. I'd rather not have anything than have like a weird. Also sorry back to your thing. Does that not convince your brain that you're going to get more food? And why is that not? I eat it right at the end of the day when I'm. Well so what about your cheese habit? I've really dialed that down too.

[00:29:15] That was kind of. Yeah that was a bit. I mean it was kind of sometimes I was nearly kind of worried. I was really eating a lot of cheese. The sort of levels you were rocking. I was serious on the cheese wasn't I? No I really wasn't. Every night you'd be like I just might. I'd be a cheese board that I might assemble at Christmas for a family event. I know yeah. And you'd be like just having this with my. Yeah. Yeah. No I have a cheese diary as well. Like of all the good cheeses I've eaten. Now Michael I have a question for you. So your kids school. I presume there's a healthy eating policy. Do they allow a little treat on a Friday?

[00:29:45] On a Friday yeah. And tell me now. Do I get two squares of Bourneville? Michael. I want you to shop the other parents for me. Do some of them play fast and loose with this. And give them either multiple treats. Or much bigger treats than a child at that age. Honestly I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know. I'm not there when the lunch boxes are cracked open you know. What do your boys get for their treat? A sense of satisfaction. They get. It's different every week. Yeah yeah. A little note from me. It's different but it would be the equivalent of maybe like.

[00:30:14] They might get three or four gummy bears. That kind of thing. Three gummy bears. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. What do most kids get Hugh? Now. I'm a teacher. And I approve of the healthy eating policy. And I don't approve of these snacks being too big. But you wouldn't even give them. If you're giving them jellies. You wouldn't even give them the little star mix bag. Is that what's said? No absolutely not. No no. That's a road to ruin. Because. Because they don't expect the whole bag. They just expect one or two from it. You know. Well. Because. It also means that they've been fed.

[00:30:44] That's what they get. In their life. That's what they get. Three gummy bears. Yeah. That's a bit sad. Michael I'm going to tell you now. Right. I'm going to tell you now. That every other child is getting more of a treat than them. And I'm not saying that's something that you need to worry about. But I'm just telling you. That's the smallest treat in the class. Now maybe you're proud of that. That's okay. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe the other kids think that you're in financial difficulty. I kind of respect you for it. But just so you know. That is definitely the smallest treat in the class. Yeah. It's okay. That's all right. I can live with that. This only fuels him Hugh.

[00:31:15] Yeah. If he had his way. Those kids would be off at some sort of Spartan training camp. Or something. So I mean. We're just like. Thank our lucky stars. Or at the local national school. Or whatever. Okay. So I guess first of all. We look at grocery shopping. So how do you feel about your grocery shopping? Are you looking forward to it? Is it a job that you like doing? Dread doing? Absolutely love it. Yeah. Love it. At least once a week. What time are you doing it at? Sometimes a couple of times a week. When are you doing it? Either. Like six o'clock. On a weekday evening.

[00:31:45] Because I can actually kind of nip around the roads. That the traffic. I kind of miss the worst traffic. So I'm able to do that. Or else. Yeah. Like 8.30 or 9 on a Saturday morning. Or Sunday morning. Oh nice. Yeah. That is nice. Oh no. I like a late evening shop. I like to be there just as the shop is closing. That's nice. A lot of stuff often isn't there. You often miss out on fruit. Twilight hours. You know. Enjoy your bruised peppers. You buy the ones that have the stickers on them. That are reduced.

[00:32:14] I do occasionally do the Marks and Spencer's yellow sticker challenge. I call it. Which is where you go in at the end of the day. And they've knocked everything down. And you can buy some. You know. Beetroot that's about to go off or whatever. Yeah. See this is the thing. Tesco used to do. Some of them still do. Not the one near me. They used to do a great thing. On the bakery. At the stroke of six. At three euro. Like batch loaf of bread. Would go down to like 79 cents. You just go and buy it. That was great. Put that in your freezer and you're laughing. Exactly. But.

[00:32:44] Firstly my Tesco aren't doing it anymore. And Dunn's. Where I do all my shopping. And I think it's a great shop. They're reduced ones. Like it'll be a pack of strawberries. Money bags here. Dunn's. I know. Well with all my vouchers though on you. You know. I never have the vouchers. And they look at you with such disgust. If you don't roll up. Does anyone ever give you one though? Sometimes they give you a voucher. One of the tellers has. Is it a teller? No. Yeah. Clerks. What's the word? Shop boy. He has felt sorry for me. Yeah. Give me one for you.

[00:33:13] But there are a pack of strawberries that gets yellow stickered. You look in. There's practically rats crawling over these strawberries. Like they're so gone off. They wait till they see the whites of their eyes. Before they put the yellow sticker on. And I know. I know people say that you can eat like some of that. But some of the stuff you're like. Oh come on. Like do you know what I mean? This is fizzy. Like do you know what I mean? Like I know you can roast up stuff forever. But I don't have a great. Yeah. You don't want fizzy melon. I'll eat all that stuff. I recently discovered that a. One of my. One of my favorite.

[00:33:41] You know the Marks and Spencers do little like lunchtime pots of food. One of the things that I've been eating. My money bags. I probably had this thing seven or eight times. Is supposed to be cooked before. To eat it. And it's. But I mean I'm in it now. So I'm never going to cook it. I'm kind of used to it. You know? What's in it? I thought you wouldn't approve any of this sort of processed. Lunchtime it's very hard to avoid that kind of stuff. You know? And usually the stuff that's in the pots. Not if you make your lunch and you bring it. Yeah. No one's got time for that.

[00:34:10] Do you never make your own lunch? No I don't. Absolutely not. That doesn't track with the rest of you Michael though. No it doesn't make any sense. I mean you make your boys lunch. Lunch I presume. Yeah but. Why not just a lunch for daddy? Because that sounds really creepy. I guess. I had a Sardinia minestrone for my lunch day that I made yesterday. It was amazing. Very nice. I've never. In six years working in school I've never not had my own lunch.

[00:34:40] You get to decide what you're going to have. And it's always going to be nicer than what you're going to get out. You can do that when you go to a shop as well. You don't have to take the first thing you throw at you. No but you know. You know what's. You know what's. And it is comically cheaper. Oh my god Michael are you okay? I feel like you've been. Someone's invaded your brain. This is your weakness. Yeah I know. And the Marks and Sponsors stuff is always crazy. It's stuff like Stilton crumbed salmon pots. Yeah it's always a bit much. It is always. It's always like a step above. You know what I mean? It's like smoked salmon.

[00:35:10] Gin smoked salmon pie or something. Can I ask Onya. When you go to a supermarket. So you're a vegan or whatever. Are there certain parts of the shop that you just. Like there are certain aisles that are not for you. Oh the meat aisle. Like every so often in Little I'm like. Oh my god what's going on in here. To me it's like walking through the shadows. Of death. Yeah. The value of death. But does it take on a sort of an air of forbidden fruit. About it. No I think I can't believe what you are willing to eat.

[00:35:40] Like it becomes absolutely disgusting to you after a while. That's interesting. Yeah like I accidentally ate bacon. A bit like you and the gin and tonic. I ate bacon last year. And a pasta dish. And it was funny. I was like oh my god this sauce is so rich. It's so good. And I was like oh that's bacon. I was thinking about this the other day. Yeah. So can you not. There's a very personal question now. Do you. Can you have gravy. No. So you don't. So what are you. Vegetarian gravy.

[00:36:09] But that's not gravy. That's not. That's. It's made out of onions and stuff. But you can add all the umami stuff. Some onions. No I can't have gravy. Michael that's the least of my problems. I can't have steak. I can't have burger. I can't have chicken wings. Michael your only sweet treat is two blocks of Bourneville. But what if you. It's not even good chocolate. What if you're eating like potatoes or mashed potatoes. There's no gravy. There's nothing there. No. But you just. You just. You know. What about. But it does mean. Like a pie. A pie with gravy in it. You couldn't have that. No.

[00:36:37] Michael you have so many bizarre eating rules. For no reason whatsoever. I won't. I won't eat. I won't eat. Dead flesh. Yeah. I'm the weirdo. I just feel like gravy is its own thing. Oh. That's sad. You're a veggie.

[00:37:04] I think I heard you say. So tell me how that works. Like chicken. Or sausage. Love meat.

[00:38:33] Stuff okay. Like white wine. Or gravy. Gravy.

[00:39:33] I do miss. I do. I would love to have a big. Big sloppy carvery. That's something I do. With gravy right. Bangers and mash. I'm not a huge fan of sausages. Okay. So. See I think it does help. Like I would never have been very interested in like a fry or a full Irish round. Something like that. So like. That stuff I'm just like. Wouldn't really bother me. You know. Have you ever tried any of the corn stuff for the. The. Have you had a corn nugget? No. No. Again. Why would I.

[00:40:02] Corn nuggets are like. Tastes exactly the same as chicken nuggets. Yeah. So. You know what tastes exactly the same as a chicken nugget? A chicken nugget. Yeah. But the corn is quite good for you. And. It's. Like. There's. There's kind of no real. I mean they're very heavily processed obviously. But that's a lovely treat. And I mean Michael. Whatever. Whatever about cows and things. Let's. Let's not try and fight the case for the farming of chickens. Because it's truly hideous. Fair. That's fair. It is obviously horrific. That's fair. Yeah. That's fair. Yeah. I mean. You should. You should sample some of the stuff. Some of it's lovely.

[00:40:33] You can buy a corn roast. Well maybe next time I'm in the supermarket. I. I will. Because it is. It's lovely. It's lovely. If it's reduced to my yellow sticker. But. But. But. But humans are. Humans are evolved as hunter gatherers. So like the very process of going into the shop. And seeing all these wonderful treats. All these wonderful things. Of course we like it. It's lovely being in the supermarket. Yeah. But the thing. Have you discovered that when you were a kid. You thought as an adult. I'll be able to go and buy whatever I want. But then now that you're an adult. You're like. Well of course I can't buy whatever I want. I know. Of course I can't. I have to go buy borlotti beans for my minestrone. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

[00:41:03] And never go hungry. Never go in hungry. Oh that is a disaster. Like an absolute disaster. It's game over. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever done the thing of eating something as you're going around? Yes. I did that the other day. And then you'd be like. You'd kind of shame. I had to hand in the empty packet from the deli counter at the till. Yeah. Yeah. One cheddar twist. I always wondered. Like that. That's. That's okay. Isn't it? It's okay. I don't know. I think they could give out to you for it. Like you are just eating the merchandise. Yeah. But like I'm fronting up at the end. You know.

[00:41:32] Like I'm treating it as if it were a restaurant. I suppose. Which it's not. Do you know what's amazing? The little bakery. Have you ever had the pizza slice from there? No. No. They do a little kind of like a little tiny square. Yeah. Pizza slice. Like 105 or something. And I mean. Why do they put them at the entrance if not to eat? That's true. That's true. That's true. But I. We started doing our last while we've been doing our grocery shop online. Yeah. Which does remove some of the magic of the. It's nice when it all comes in though isn't it? Yes.

[00:42:01] And you have everything for the week. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like it's. And I think you get a better class of fruit and vegetable. Yeah. Interesting. The freshest stuff tends to arise. The choicest pick. The choicest pick. Yeah. Because a picker has gone and got your stuff. Yeah. Professional picker. Not just us numpties in there fumbling around in the carrots. Would you like to do that as a job? Ooh. I think it would be kind of fun. I bet it's not though. I bet it's not. So.

[00:42:30] Did you guys ever. Or were ever fascinated as children by supermarket sweep? Oh my God. Dale Winton. I just think I'd be so good at this. I love that show. Yeah. What would your strategy be? Someone I know actually got to do that in a little. Oh. That's amazing. Yeah. They won a thing. But the fake supermarket was fun too. Like that was. The. It looked kind of like a real supermarket. But it was. It was fake enough. You could tell. Like it was just. Oh. So cool. And such positive association with that show as well.

[00:43:00] Because I always watch it on days when you got to stay home from school. Or whatever. It was amazing. Amazing. What would you. What would your strategy be? Just grabbing everything. Right. Like. No. But like. You know. But if. If your aim is just to keep the trolley. Right. Like there's no point in going in and grabbing. I don't know. A lot of spinach or something. Do you know what I mean? Oh right. So you can get whatever you want. Is that what you mean? Well. Yeah. Is that not the game? Well. Supermarket Sweep had a number of different rounds in it. But if you're saying. Okay. But let's say. If you're saying. I get to fill the trolley with as much as I want. And I get to keep it. Yeah. So you get.

[00:43:30] You get like. Let's say you get three minutes in Tesco. Right. And you get to keep the stuff. Like what's the strategy? Like I think a lot of people would go for the booze. They'd be like loading up on champagne and stuff. Or. You know. Or like. I mean. Arguably. You go straight to the like. Shampoos. Deodorant oil. And you stock it. Like I'm never buying toothpaste again for life. Kind of thing. You know. That's a good one. And the face. Because Tesco does quite a good like fancy. Yeah. Face cream. Situation. Yeah. Hugh what would you be going for? Yogurt. I mean laundry. Laundry detergents. I think Michael is right. And you're kind of your non-perishable.

[00:44:00] Razor blades. Oh. Razor. Razor blades. My God. If you fill the trolley with razor blades. That would be worth its weight in gold. Those things are so expensive. Yeah. So. How often are you changing your razor? Oh. Well I don't change it that much. And I also only shave once a week. And in fact over the summer. I'd say in the last. Like I'm just back to school today. I'd say the last two and a half months. I've shaved four times. But I only shave once a week. So. I get a few months out of it. I feel like. Okay. That's where real inflation is. Like I mean. I think like.

[00:44:29] If you were buying razor blades in the 1990s. You were paying. Two pounds. And now you're paying. 43 euro. Like it's just. We weren't sucked into the absolute nonsense technology of. Eleven blades. That are going to go backwards and forwards. And all this stuff. That is. Do you ever just go with like a. Do you ever have to use like. You know a hotel razor. The big ones. I have. Yeah. The one blade. Yeah. It is like shaving with a piece of glass. Michael do you not still use your. Your nice one. Yeah. Yeah. I have an old style safety razor.

[00:44:59] The one you put that. You know the prison. You know the. The razor blades they use in prisons. That's what I use. The ones that are. Yeah. Do you froth up your face? Yeah. Yeah. You don't. Do you have a brush? Do you have a brush? No I don't have a brush. Just use the hands. That's what I was hoping. When I was a child Michael. I saw my dad shaving as a three year old. And I snuck up to the bathroom. And I tried to shave my own face. And it ended. Ooh. Very badly. Wow. Yeah. Why did I think that that was going to. That was. I just thought it looked so fun.

[00:45:29] But you'd also just hope that you're able to just smoothly. But you got caught a few times. Oh I think I almost severed an artery. Michael how frequently. How often do you cut yourself shaving? What percentage of the times you shave. Do you think you cut yourself? I'd say. I have a little cut. Almost every time. Yeah. Maybe you shouldn't be using that razor then. I don't know. Where's the worst place you cut yourself on a regular basis? Like under the chin. Kind of there. That sort of area.

[00:45:58] See I sometimes get myself down there. Like kind of on the jawline. But occasionally I get myself like. Around the upper lip. And that's horrible. Oh no. That's the worst. Oh no. Do you feel like a real. It's a gusher. Idiot the whole day then. With the little. Do you have to go around with the toilet paper stuck to it and stuff. I mean I don't put a little toilet paper on it now. All day no. Just cold and sick. Well I shave at night. I don't shave in the morning. Have you ever had a spot so bad that you thought you were going to have to call in sick?

[00:46:28] No. But surely it happens right? Yeah. Something weird happens. Or like an eye infection or something. Where you're like I don't think I can actually be. Oh. I'll tell you. Has this ever happened to you? No. Well I'll tell you though. My. That allergic reaction I had that time. Remember I had the big lips. Yeah. So it was after the COVID vaccine. Right. But then. Well you got one that nobody else got didn't you? I got. Yes. The AstraZeneca.

[00:46:59] I don't know anyone else who had that. It's really like in the Simpsons when Dr. Nick says you went to Hollywood upstairs school of medicine too? But I got this. This. My lips well. But it was during the summer holidays or maybe it was just during lockdown. I don't know. But for a while after that for a few years I would occasionally get this rash. But I would also just get a little bit of swelling in my lip. And I could feel it coming. Like I could feel. I could feel that it was going to happen. So as soon as I feel like I'd pop the antihistamine.

[00:47:28] But I remember like it would like it kind of yeah just give me a big fat lip. But even just the middle of the lip. And school kids can be cruel about that you know. Like a kid laughed in my face at one point. So same with gift shopping. If you need to buy a present for somebody like where are you going? Where is your first port of call? It's a big question on you you know. I mean like for a lot of people it's a bookshop you know.

[00:47:55] But do you mean more like you're more like marking an occasion. Are you going to like an old fashioned gift shop? Like you're buying some of that. Yeah you're going to buy six water for crystal glasses. Yeah something like that. I think that's all gone though isn't it? Yeah I mean. Do people want. I mean where used to be good for that was your old employer Kilkenny. You know. Yeah. You get a little Nicholas Moss bowl or something like that. I mean I love Nicholas Moss. Oh great aren't they? Let's be honest.

[00:48:23] I was in a Chris Kindle with my friends this year and I got a Nicholas Moss jug. Lovely. Great present. Lovely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What about you Michael? Where are you going? Gift voucher. You guys know my gift policy don't you? What is it? So this is a sort of a. I don't want to say this is a condition of getting married but it certainly was one of the benefits is that which is that I do not engage in any present sourcing or buying. That's a crazy deal that your wife did. I know.

[00:48:49] So I get presents for her and then she gets presents for everyone else in our lives. So you don't buy presents for your own children. That's a little bit different actually often I'm involved in but ultimately she'll go and carry out the transaction yes. Yeah that's true. That's true. What do you do? What do you do in return? I get a Christmas and a birthday present for her although we don't really get each other Christmas presents either. No but I mean what job did you take off her mind?

[00:49:17] Oh like I like put out the bins and stuff you know and you know that'll do. I mean it all works out. It all works out. She likes doing it. I don't like doing it. Fine presents is nice though Michael. It's not. I hate it. I hate giving presents. I hate getting presents. I think presents are stupid. I've definitely said this before. No I think they are. I think the idea that any. You like circuses and you hate. I think a different episode. Go back and listen to the circus episode. I think that the idea that you know a wonderful event has occurred in someone's life or we're

[00:49:46] all here to celebrate it and by the way we need a thing. It's got to be a thing though. Like it doesn't count if there's a thing. It's juvenile. I don't like presents. No one says that Michael. You're creating a straw man here completely. No one is saying it doesn't count if there's another thing but it can be nice to give people something. Also is it not lovely to pick out a lovely present for somebody? Like a lovely book. You know? Nope. Nope. Books are different. No they're not different Michael. They're only different because you've decided they're different. They're the same.

[00:50:16] Yeah but by the way listener a blue light just flashed across Michael. It's like the police have finally arrived from. I gotta go. We have to keep him on the line and the SWAT team is going to bust down the door and we'll all be free. We've been. Hugh and I have been doing this for months. Guys call me on my other phone. We're actually FBI agents. We've been hunting him for decades. I'd agree Michael that there are silly gifts and there are pointless gifts but a nice present for someone is lovely. You know?

[00:50:46] That's fine but I feel like most times it's a. But you don't get pleasure out of getting your wife a lovely present? No. No I do not. I don't. I'm not being funny but the more you talk about your life I don't really understand what brings you pleasure and it makes me worried about what you do do to get your kicks. It must be so horrific. This is. This is. The honest answer is that there's so much pleasure here that I don't need trinkets and material things. Yeah but it doesn't have to be a material thing. It could be a very small thing. Do you know what I mean?

[00:51:15] It could be a very small material thing. Is that what you're saying? That's just a very. Like it's very normal and human to like to accumulate little. I'm not suggesting that you. Yeah an endless. You know parade of crap. But you wouldn't be pleased at all. Somebody was like Michael I know you like Bourneville. I got you a couple of Bournevilles. That'd be very nice. But like that never happens. That's not the present. No one turns up at your 40th birthday with a pack of Bournevilles. You know? Did you return all your wedding presents? No I didn't.

[00:51:44] You can't do that. You can't do that. Did you? So you don't get any for your birthday either? I actually frequently ask for no presents for my birthday. Yes. Now it's that's never you know. Honored. Give it a few more years it might be Michael. Yeah. I did actually request my birthday present this year. I requested an apple scratcher. Do you know what an apple scratcher is? No. No.

[00:52:12] So it's a thing you use to to to to to to scratch apples which is which is to basically make it absolute hames of the apples before you pulp them to make juice. That's what I that's what I got. Have you got any apples left for me Michael? Plenty of apples Hugh. They're huge. And they're in rude health for this time of the year. Yeah. Yeah. Are they cooking apples? Actually Hugh I'll be driving by your house on Sunday morning and I was gonna leave you in a bag of apples on the way by. Yeah. Love that Michael. Yeah. It might be very early though. Would you like a jar of blackberry jam?

[00:52:42] I take I take I take the jam if you got it. Yeah. Yeah. Don't eat it. You don't eat it though do you Michael? I eat some of Hugh's blackberry jam. Absolutely. I always eat it. Yeah. They would. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Could be very early Hugh. The present thing makes me so sad for you. No. Makes me sad for the rest of humanity that everyone else feels they need it.

[00:53:04] I think there's a good principle in there but I also think you're as ever you're taking it to the absolute ends of the earth. Like do you think that I'm I've bought my husband like a golden cross a Rolls Royce or something. Do you think that's a sort of lavish excess? What was the last gift you got for your husband? What was the last gift you got for your husband? January. Probably a pair of runners I'd say. Okay. That's pretty good. I guess he'll get the use of them. So you know. Yeah.

[00:53:32] Like I didn't I wasn't like oh I um what was the last thing he got me. Oh um a new little microphone for the podcast like a little clip on microphone for the podcast. Oh yeah. So we all get the use of that actually. That's quite good. Because a thoughtful present is lovely. That's the whole point isn't it. It's it's displaying your your understanding of the person and it's not about the money spent. It's not about the thing you know. But it's just something that's. Also can to be practical as well sometimes it is nice to replenish your wardrobe or whatever.

[00:54:01] Like it's a good time of the year to be like do you know what we're gonna we're gonna get each other a nice little thing. And that's gonna. Would you buy each other clothes though? Yeah. You would buy each other clothes? Yeah probably with consultation with the other. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Like it would be a requested present. Right. And there would be a trying on. It sounds less good now. Session. No. But it's lovely. It's lovely to go into the new year after Christmas with your new things. Your new duds. Hmm. I like my old things. What about. How do you feel about gift shops like museums and stuff? Are you excited to like. Oh no.

[00:54:31] No. I hate. I hate. What's wrong with you? What is wrong with you? You're gonna be with me. You're gonna be with me on this one. I hate when you go through. Often going through an art gallery or a museum. Is quite. It's a high minded experience. You're elevated. You're thinking about you know the long span of human history. Or the great you know creations in the gallery. And then you get dumped out at the end. To the same old tat. You see in every art gallery. And it's just a little bit depressing. It's a little bit cheap. And I don't like it. Okay.

[00:55:01] Sometimes I just like a little browse. I'd very rarely buy something in them. But I do like looking at the things. Because there's usually lots of lovely notebooks. You know. A lovely diary. Like I got. Was it a few years ago? I got my mum. The National Gallery. Diary planner thing. That's a nice present. Yeah. Isn't it? Yeah. So. Clothes shopping. You two. I'm interested to hear about this. Like are you buying anything online? Are you buying yourself in person? Are you buying anything at all? Go through what you're wearing now. Where and when did you get it? Okay.

[00:55:29] I am wearing a golf top. This is the. A light blue golf top. That my brother got me. For Christmas. I'm wearing a t-shirt that I actually bought myself. Which is not that common. Okay. Bought it in next. And I actually bought the shorts myself as well. Where'd you get those? I might have to take them off to check. So. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. They're. They're quite a nice kind of. They probably were a bit pinker at the start. And they've dulled in the sun.

[00:55:59] But. They're pink. Not pink. But they're like. Kind of lilac. Oh. Okay. Lilac-y I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It was like. You're good. I wouldn't be a big clothes shopper though. No. I don't. I don't buy many clothes. But I don't buy clothes online. Except like. Like I've bought like sort of. Like. I've probably bought like sports jerseys and things online. But I wouldn't buy things online. Although. Obviously vintage is now a big deal. So. I. The top I have underneath this. See it says Kentucky on it.

[00:56:29] Oh yeah. This was like a. A Kentucky something. Yeah. Kentucky lake something. I got that in like. I don't know. Duns or something. Years ago. And it's really old. It's really. You know a comfortable t-shirt. That's just. That's just. Now. Yeah. Perfect. But I was wearing it in South Africa. In a vineyard. And. An American company was like. You guys really remember this. You guys really got a story. Your basketball program. And I was like. Excuse me. Excuse me. And he thought I was like. An alumna. Of like. The Kentucky University. But you know like.

[00:56:58] Every Irish shop just. Has all this random. All the kids wandering around in those. Lakers tracksuits. The pennies sell. Yeah. Yeah. But then my jumper is like. Lake District Tennis Club. And then I'm wearing a pair of brown cords. That I bought last week. Does it sound like a terrible outfit? Yeah. No. I'm saying. It really does. Michael. What are you wearing? Oh. I feel like. Like. I want to preface it as saying. When I go out in the world. I feel like I dress quite well. Okay. But I'm at home right now. It's a comfy evening of podcasting. I am wearing. So this jumper.

[00:57:28] Is. At least. 25 years old. Okay. Like I've had this for a very very long. But you. You guys have seen me in this thing. For a long period of time. The shorts. And the. Boxers I'm wearing. Are both. The. The. Brand. Is. Amazon Essentials. And I would highly recommend them. And they are. These were you know 2020 buys. And this t-shirt is definitely. At least 15 years old as well. So yeah. I keep things for a very long period of time. Michael.

[00:57:57] Why are you. With all your talk of this now. Why are you giving money to Amazon. For your pants. I'll tell you why. Because you go into. Any high street shop. And go to buy a pair of boxers. And it'd be like. 45 euro for five. Like it's. That's a lot. It's a lot. Do you not respect your bottom? These are great. I've had this for five years. Michael. But firstly. 45 euro for five. Right. Let's say that's the case. Okay. It's nine euro. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. For a pair of boxes. That you will wear.

[00:58:27] For five or ten years. And you're not giving money to Amazon. But I bought these ones. For less. I've been wearing them for five years. So. You're fine with Amazon. Where do you buy your. Where do you buy your underwear? Mine. Oh. It'd be like. There'd be a good element of Marks and Spencer in there. I'd say. Yeah. I'm in. I'm rocking a pair of Marks. Yeah. That's where. That's. Marks and Spencer. It's not Marks underwear. Sorry. Premium. Premium pants guys. Yeah.

[00:58:56] But they do last a long time. And also. How long should your underwear really be lasting Michael? Like maybe treat yourself. Like as in. That's a good point. That's a good point. It's a good point. I was so pleased with myself the other day. A dress I have for years. You know the way stuff kind of wears under the. Under like the armpit bit. Do you know the like the. You know the. The seam there. And it ripped. It caught on something. And I. I sewed it back together. Wow. Not very well. And I sewed it like I was. I was. Yeah. But when it comes to that.

[00:59:24] When it comes to now we're mentioning that like internet shopping. And obviously. As. As with anyone. Of course. I buy things on Amazon every now and then. But I really do try not to. Like. It is. I mean Hugh. Like me. You do a lot of vintageing as well. Vintageing. Yeah. But like. Yeah. I feel. You know. There was a point where. I'd be like. Oh God. The book costs. Whatever. In the bookshop. But I can get it on Amazon for. Four euro less. So I will. Whereas now I'm like. No. You can't be doing that. Come on. No. Pay the four. Just pay the bookshop. And Michael. I've been selling.

[00:59:53] I've now sold two pairs of Michael shoes. Nice. What price did you get for them? We've got about 45 euro for the two pairs. Yeah. We're doing well. Rock it. I've sold so much stuff in vintage the last few days. Really? It was a busy period. Yeah. Yeah. Because there was a lot of wintry stuff that I had up. That people obviously weren't interested in. Yeah. Now it's all coming good. Yeah. And what's the split in the shoe market nowadays? Michael gets everything. No. No.

[01:00:18] Michael is holding everything in trust for a common design that Michael or Agnew will decide in time. Yes. I'm like Britney Spears. My God. If you've got all the money. Yeah. Can we do something fun? Yeah. It has to be something fun. Pharmophobia. Yeah. But your idea of fun. Why don't you go to Pharmophobia? You mentioned this in the last episode. It's 30. Would you actually go to Pharmophobia? Yeah. I'd love to. I'm going with a group of friends. Do you want to come with it? It's good in a group.

[01:00:47] This is the Halloween farm experience, isn't it? Yeah. I've always wanted to do it. Yes. I would love to do it. Send me the date. I'm there. Hugh, are you sure you don't want to come? 100%. I'm sorry. It's not that scary. It doesn't matter on you. No, I'm going. I'm going. I can't wait. Okay. So it's back this year with six terrifying haunts over a hundred acres of fear. And the video that they're advertising with is a pig, a man dressed as a pig with a chainsaw. Now, obviously, I wouldn't do this and I know neither would you, but it does sound

[01:01:14] like the type of thing that if you were someone who was into like edibles or something, that that would be a great experience, wouldn't it? Well, it's a big leap for you from somebody who won't have a Coke Zero to get into. The drug use. So they've got the Crypt, the Conjuring, Hellfire High, Zombie Morgue, the Slaughterhouse and Bobo's Carnival. I can't wait. I can't wait. We're doing it. Okay. I'm going to. And you're going to have to come to Meath. Oh, yeah. Okay. I'll do that. Yeah. And it's going to be us and a load of teenagers and we're going to go to the chip van afterwards. Great. Yeah. Do it. Yeah.

[01:01:44] Hugh, you should come. You could just, you wouldn't have to come in. I'd go to the chip van afterwards maybe. Yeah. Let me know what date you're going. But it is quite fun to just loiter outside because there's kind of ghouls and stuff and there's a DJ called DJ Spooks and he plays music and you can like sit around the campfire and stuff. Oh, Hugh, it's really good. Let me know when you're going. I think you'd like it. And you could stay outside for some of the scarier ones. Yeah. Would you get into the morgue drawer? No. Okay. Michael, would you get into a morgue drawer? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

[01:02:13] I'm going to make you do it. Guys, do we have time for a new segment on the podcast? No. Yeah, we do. We do. Go on. It's small. So this segment, which I'm launching now, is called Michael's Impressive Micro Impressions. Okay? Okay. So I actually trialed this out on Hugh a couple of weeks ago. This is me doing Sean Connery as Dr. Henry Jones Sr. in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Okay, you ready?

[01:02:43] Okay. Ginger. It's good, right? When you sent me that voice note a couple of weeks ago, I thought you said ginger. And I was like, I don't know why he's saying that. I was like, it's not about Sean Connery, but why is he saying ginger? It's only now I realize you're saying ginger. It's okay. I don't, I don't know. Do you have any other? It's a micro impression. That's all it is. That's all I do. Are there any other micro impressions? No, that'll be another segment. That'll be another week. That'll be another week.

[01:03:13] I'll have to think of something else. Anyway, this has been Michael's Impressive Micro Impressions. Ginger. Okay. My last thing was kind of harking back to what we talked about earlier was just about self checkouts, but enclosed shops. You know, have you seen this in Dunn? So you detag the stuff yourself, you find your own bag. I mean, what kind of life is that? I'll tell you what I don't like. I don't like having to scan a receipt after you've gone through the, I don't like that. Like an animal in a pen. Yeah. Oh, that's no good at all. And it also prints off unnecessary paper. It's ridiculous.

[01:03:42] It's a mad system. And like, I just, I just, I don't think it's good for kids either that you can have all these commercial interactions without seeing a human being. I think it's like dumbing us down and like, what is the point of being alive if we're just blobs that float through life without talking to people? And like a simple pleasure in life is a random interaction with a person, a shop or like a bit of a chat. Do you not like the little bit of a chat? I do. I love the little chat. What do you lead with? What's your like, would you be like, the weather's, what do you go for?

[01:04:11] I am more, I'm more like if there's something funny that can, that can be observed, like I'm jumping on that, you know, but otherwise I'm kind of slow to, to, to instigate the chat. Would you not love the satisfaction of like a, a little, a little bit of, you know, a little. Yeah, yeah, it is, it is nice. The human touch. It is. Yeah. Yeah. Do you insist that they touch you? No. Hugh, do you, do you go for any small talk?

[01:04:41] I. What about the lady that used to fancy in Dunn's? She's working with Arlingas now, or last I heard anyway. You know, what was her name? What do you mean last you heard? I haven't heard since she's half done. She was moving to Arlingas. To be on the plane? I don't know, I don't know. She didn't tell me. She just said she was going to Arlingas. So who knows, maybe someday we'll meet, 38,000 feet up.

[01:05:05] The guy who, my cat, Roberta, so when she was first rescued, the guy who brought her to the, found her originally, his name is Robert, and I've never met him because we picked, we never, we never, I collected her from the vet, but like she's called Roberta after him. We've never met, but we're friends on Instagram, but he's a steward on Arlingas. And I cannot wait for the day that he is on my plane because that is going to be a glorious reunion. It's like Daryl Sheridan, who we had on the personal grooming podcast. I can't wait to see him.

[01:05:34] I've never, I've never seen him. I cannot wait to see Daryl on a flight. Yeah. Arlingas Longhall. Yeah. So. So there's the same with, same with this Robert. He always goes to the US. So. I mean, he's going to the States, which I'm just not doing at the moment, but still. Michael, are you boycotting the States or are you actually ramping up your visits? That seems to be. No, I haven't boycotted them, but yeah, it's definitely not as, yeah, no, it's not. The shine has come off it, you know?

[01:06:01] I feel like every time I talk to you, you're like, I'm at the Poughkeepsie Pickle Festival. I've been there a lot this year. Yeah, I have. Like every second thing. Would you keep an eye out for Daryl and Robert on the flights, please? I will, I will. I know you weren't paying attention for the last two minutes there because it didn't pertain to you specifically. So is a bookshop, is a bookshop the best shop? Or is that just being nervous? Yeah, a good, a good bookshop is a delight. Do you know what's amazing now?

[01:06:28] If you go into, if you go into Hodges Fegas or somewhere, right? Like your, your high-end bookshop and you go up to the children's book section and look at like the gift versions of the children's books. I have real trouble. I mean, I don't have the money for it, but I'd love to just buy them all. Like there's the most beautiful books in there, you know? Yeah. They're real treasures. And then when you realise there's a whole section devoted to like geography of Ireland or something, that's full of exquisite.

[01:06:58] Like everything is just lovely and the smell is lovely. I don't, I love, there's not enough of here. A bookshop with a little cafe in it. So it might be, you've got to prove that because it's, you know. I like that. I also like how the bookshop is quiet. A bookshop can be totally full of people and still very quiet. People really respect the environment. Yeah. Do you miss Waterstones? Waterstones. I always liked Waterstones. When I worked in Stephen's Green, I used to sometimes go into Hodges Figgis on my lunch break and just take a book and sit down and read. Did you eat your lunch as well? I didn't, no.

[01:07:29] I got through a couple of Agatha Christie's over the course of a few weeks. Did you? Yeah. Do you know what? That is so charming. I've been buying enough books from them over the years. I don't think they'd mind. No. No. So we've talked about shopping in a way. Yeah. We've been very positive on it. We like it. Yeah. Because it does give you a little dopamine hit. It's nice. Yeah. Hugh? Legitimate like? I think it is a legitimate like. There is an awful lot of rubbish being sold.

[01:07:57] And again, I see this with the kids in school. And they're just being bought a new pencil case or whatever else. And your pencil case is grand from last year. It is. Your pencil case is grand. And you don't need a bag. You don't need a new water bottle. You certainly don't need a third water bottle. Like, oh, you can't find your water bottle. I'll buy you a new one. No, don't buy them a new one. You know, find a water bottler. Because the point of those like a Yeti or a Stanley is meant to be that they're so indestructible that you buy one. Yeah. Not that you buy a new one every year. You know? Yeah. Like the school I'm working in.

[01:08:27] You know, you have kids who are by and large coming from very comfortable backgrounds. And so like, I just think there's too much stuff. There's way too much stuff. But I think shopping itself is still a nice thing. Yeah. And if you're just going out and you're saying, I'm going to buy myself a shirt or I'm going to buy someone a book or, you know, whatever it might be. I think that is pleasant. Yeah. Legitimate like, I'm going to say yes. What would you guys say, Anya? Legitimate like. Yeah. What's not to like? Yeah, Michael?

[01:08:56] Yeah, it's the thrill of the chase, isn't it? Yeah, sure. Kind of. Legitimate like. Anyway. Sorry, I was sort of lost in my, the eyes that are staring back at me for my driving license. So. Yeah, well, listen, I mean, I hope the next one looks okay, Michael. I know. Would you be romantically interested in that man? This guy? Yeah. Sorry, I challenge anyone to not be.

[01:09:25] Would you go out with yourself? What would I go out with myself? Yeah, you would though, definitely. No, no, no, no, no. You would, Michael. No, I know too much. I know too much, you know. What do you mean you know too much? What does that mean? Like, you know, I know, I know what's really going on inside, you know. Oh my God, what's going on inside? What's wrong with you? No, we, I just, yeah. No. I don't think you and you would be a good couple, I have to say. No. Be very competitive. You and you, not you and Hugh. Sorry. I think you and Hugh would be a pretty good couple. I basically are one.

[01:09:54] So, anyway. We've been going a long time, yeah. We're going to do a poll and see whether you like the bill being split or not. Because clearly that's, was that this episode or was it the last one? I can't remember. Yeah, yeah, it was. It was this episode. I thought you meant like the bill, like the show business bill. I was like, what are we mean you're splitting the bill? Yeah, we're splitting the bill.

[01:10:24] Duncan Valentine's on first and forced. So, yeah. Please come and buy some tickets to see us in Belfast or in Dublin. Do you know what? The Dublin show is selling extremely fast. I will say probably a few more tickets left for the Belfast show. So, maybe if you're in Dublin, make a little trip up. Come to Belfast. If you're in Belfast. And it'll be a different show with different topics for each week. Oh, two different topics. So, you won't miss anything. Absolutely. Don't you worry about it. And there's some other great stuff on as well, like Dream Gunner on. Yeah. They're going to do Jumanji in Dublin.

[01:10:52] And they're doing the social network in Belfast, I think. That's fun. So, there's loads of really good stuff on. There's the Bad Articles. There's Weird Ireland with Brindsey McNamara. There's really good stuff. So, you can make a lovely afternoon of it. Let's do it. All right. Thanks for listening to Legitimate Likes. And we will see you next time.

[01:11:23] This podcast is part of Podomity, the UK's podcast comedy network. Why not laugh at what else we've got? Visit Podomity.com.