EP 3: LEASE OF LIFE - REANIMATED

[00:00:00] Oh, hi, you're listening to Lisa's life from series one, Part 1 of Ramon Fears Terror Tapes. It is excellent, isn't it? But we are not done, Ramon, me, I'm releasing Part 2 on October the 2nd.

[00:00:18] I hope you like it. I don't care if you don't, on October the 2nd we begin. Series one, Part 2 with the Devil's Molland. We continue on October the 16th with Speak Up. Devil's Night itself, October the 3rd, with five Lashes of the Cane.

[00:00:40] I do so, we could join us. How's of fear presents, Ramon Fear's Territaps? Tonight's episode, Lease of Life. I would normally have it in another month, but someone's had it. Welcome, friends, to a harrowing slice of oral torment.

[00:01:16] I am your guide on this trip, Ramon Fear. Tickets, please. No, no, through the window, I don't know it's not my house. They say, house shares can be hair, but what if the rent was the least of your worries? Or should I say, the least of your worries?

[00:01:46] No, no, don't care, put it in the microwave. Make sure that you stay in your home and hold on to keep all those hands with a lock and a static air. Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Oh! Oh!

[00:02:41] I would keep taking action to secure all your window, to prevent it from killing the dogs. Hello, Jay! You're dread, can you not just come in like that? Jesus, I thought you were another one of them. And there are lots! Oh right, yeah those things.

[00:03:13] I think it's all a bit over bloom really. Do you? Yeah, probably all some hoax. Right, have you noticed the dead body on the floor with its head completely caved in? Oh yeah, what's that you?

[00:03:25] Yes, look, can I help you? I'm kind of in the middle of something. Well, it's just I noticed you're putting boards over the window and you're not allowed to do that. What do you mean? That window is imperpately good working order and if you board it up,

[00:03:43] I'm necessarily then the camp solace likely to charge me for it and that means I have to raise their ends. You're joking. You seem what's coming on out there right? We can only board up the windows if the property has been broken into.

[00:03:59] Even then you have to get police permission to do so if the property is deemed unsafe. The property has been broken into what you think I just invited him in? I can't see any damage to the window.

[00:04:11] That's because he came into the door, the door with the lock which still hasn't been fixed. Oh, I sent Graham round but he didn't have the right chisel. Yes, I know. So he'll have to come back, do keep reminding me though, won't you? All the time.

[00:04:29] Anyway, my hands are tied. You can board the windows up if you like but I'm just warning you it's going to be expensive. Alright, fine, fine, fine. You'll have to polyfill it in the wall where you step that nail. Okay. Right, I'm off. Stay safe, yeah?

[00:05:07] Fine, fine, fine. Thanks for the room. We'll take your back and then see that it's both safe and safe. Jesus, this is heavy. Oh, Jesus. Come on, Jake. It's nearly done. It's just... It's only temporary. It's not forever. It's not. It's not forever. Hello, can you?

[00:05:40] Oh, hello, Milldred. They do say to stay in your homes. I don't think it's a good idea for you to keep coming in. You're moving things up to the loft. Yes, just for now, it's a bit safer up there.

[00:05:53] Hmm, I do rather wish you had given me some dentists there. Notice? The loft technically isn't part of the property. It's owned by someone else, so if you're choosing to live up there, then I'll have to speak to the owners.

[00:06:11] And it doesn't mean they will have to start charging you rent. What? Double rent! You're technically living in two different places. This loft is in my flat. Do you never mention this? It's written in the contract. No, no, it's not. Oh, I must have forgotten that.

[00:06:32] I didn't think it was particularly relevant. We've never used the loft. Yeah, we've also never had an outbreak of the dead coming back to life. Look, Jake, don't shoot for messengers! Keep believing that there if you want, but just bear in mind it's going to be costly.

[00:06:48] I'm still going to have to charge you rent, believing in another property within the property. You're seriously calling a loft of property. This flat is perfectly secure. Why hide away? Okay. Need a hand bringing everything back down. No, thank you. Right, I'd better be off.

[00:07:11] I'll see you later. My title, go. You too. I just threw it here. It's so hard to hold it. Thank you so much. Are you okay? Yeah, we're fine. Just thought we were dead for a moment there. How was your friend? You'll be alright. Ash?

[00:07:51] Yeah, I'm fine, dude. You're attacked. Yeah. But you weren't bitten. No, I said I'm fine. Okay. Look, going to the living room and make yourself a home, let me get you both during. Thank you. Oh, fuck, Christ. Hey, no, Jake. What now, Mildred?

[00:08:12] It's really not a good time. I just couldn't help and be hearing you had some visitors. Yeah, they were under attack and now they need a place to lay low for the time being. You know you're not allowed to sublet. I'm not subletting. How long are they staying?

[00:08:30] I don't know, Mildred. But I can't just kick them out onto the streets. People are getting towards the shreds by these things. Anyway, I am allowed to have people over. I pay to live here.

[00:08:44] Yes, but the news reports did say not to allow others from outside your bubble into your homes. Oh, you're watching the news now, are you? Yeah, I think you've seen what's going on out there. Oh, Jake, are you okay? Yeah, fine. Sorry. Who's this? This is my landlady.

[00:09:06] And she was just leaving. Oh, is it wrong for a landlady to want to check up on our tenants? See, they're okay. Something's wrong with you. Keep them all yourself too, if you would. Her life, she's been in the capital of Singapore for a few years.

[00:09:29] She's a perfect person. And she's now being attacked by attractive and unbeatable security. For example, the Mazzar Cigste 30 has already been murdered in 1989. More of her Mazzar partner and the Mazzar DE. Mazzar. Are you okay? Yeah, fine, don't worry. How come you have a boat at your windows?

[00:09:55] It's complicated. Where's Ash? Ash? What happened? Sorry, Dean, I just should have told you before. Tell me what? Ash? It was, it got out by the bit. I thought it was just a scratch but... God, Ash. No! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Ash? What's happening to you?

[00:10:29] You're becoming one of them. We have to go out and wait. Wait! D- Get out! Quick, you have to kill me. No, no, I can't! You have to! You have to kill Ash and you have to kill me. Oh, only come back and kill you! Do it!

[00:11:05] Do it! Sorry, Dean. No! Oh, believe me. What happened here? Look at the damage! All over the wall, so kicking into the carpet of D-Roo, dear. I did not expect this from you, Jake. Well... That's just going to have to come out for your deposit. No, it's not.

[00:12:18] Well... If you are paying rent during a zombie apocalypse, expect to get ripped off. Me... If I had to hang a down during an outbreak of the living dead, I need one thing. Snacks? Suzy, what about you? I don't like to be asked questions. Or I'd find Betty,

[00:12:43] What would you do if you are locked down during a zombie invasion? Well, I'm glad you asked her a month. Are you? I don't want to make sure I was stocked up on Langradius Wavethin Wavers. It's less of a biscuit and more of a film. Tasty.

[00:13:00] Quite a rummon. It's the equivalent of pouring sugar on your tongue and feeling it dissolved. The biscuit, I mean. Not the tongue. Any dissolving of tongues, and all other mouth-related erosions, call Langradius Emerson's hotline. Hotline only available between five and seven. Langradius Wavethin Wavers.

[00:13:16] As more as she or saliva. And so ends another grizzly tale from my terror treasury. Whether you liked it or not, it was a story. Until my voice and your ears meet again, consider this. The next time you're running a bath, Are you running a bath?

[00:13:57] Or is the bath? Running you? Good night! I'm in soon from House of Fair Pictures. In an ordinary school, works an unordinary curse. There's evil walk and an uncard of art. Waves! I've got you shredded! And there's only one man that can restore order.

[00:14:45] Who the hell are you? I'm Bestie and Quirk. Supply teacher. Who the hell are you? It's Bastion Quirk! He's Bastion Quirk. Six out of ten. Let's try. He kills the bad guys. No, no, no, no, no! That gets all the women. Baby, you're just straight, A's.

[00:15:15] And now it's time for him to go back to work. One of these are over. One of them, because this is something that can't be taught in class. I know what's going on in your report card. But... But you're dead. They're coming from inside the stairs.

[00:15:37] It's Bastion Quirk! A Gibbon! The second part in the school gates of hell, Trilogy. Billier of B plus student with her E minus that a tune. I am not getting in that bath! Starting, Guest Stroke, Beast Stroke as Bestie and Quirk. Time to get remedial on your ass.

[00:16:01] In. The self-law is actually... The bell is for me. Not for you. This is for you. The supply's in you. Protect the valentic door in it! Looks like I should have gone. Hard time. See you, Matthew class. Bitches. Class dismissed. The supply's in you.

[00:16:40] You have been listening to Ramon Fierze's Tadotapes. Hosted by Ramon Fierre. Obituaries for the following cast members. Alex Lynch, Lucy Farat, Danielle Agredo Piper, Amelia Amon. Additional voices by Odinorn Hillmarson and Sam Trommers. All Yurgies created and described by Alex Lynch and Sam Thomas.

[00:17:17] Music and organ grinding by Odinorn Hillmarson. Production and post-mortem assembly handled with care by Alex Lynch and Odinorn Hillmarson. With Odinorn Hillmarson conducting the final service. And the funeral director, Alexandra Morris. This has been a House of Fear production. Like, rate and subscribe. If you dare.