20mph Danger

[00:00:00] This September, podcasts across the Podomedy Network are supporting Calm's Stay Tuned campaign. Podcasts can be good company, but sometimes people need somewhere to turn. Calm provides free, anonymous support for anyone struggling with suicidal thoughts or affected by suicide. If you can help, £12.20 can cover the cost of answering a potentially life-saving call. You'll find the link to give in the show notes. Thank you for supporting Calm.

[00:00:30] Hello, I'm Steve N Allen and welcome to Steve N Allen Almost Daily. The podcast that gives you a quick news update, keeps you on top of it. I mean, the main story today, I suppose, is still, it's kind of drag on, this one. But L. Spencer writing his book, being published in the Daily Mail, saying stuff about King Charles when he was Prince Charles. He said, she said, but she obviously didn't say. So he said what she said, and then the other half, the HRH, he can't say anything because he can't explain or complain.

[00:00:59] But somehow they are doing it. It's a right mess, really. I feel a little bit sorry for King Charles in that people who did his job ages ago would have just sent him to the Tower by now. Every other job seems to have got easier thanks to the Industrial Revolution and AI. And yet being King's got harder because now when someone writes a book about you, you can't be off with their head. Their head stays on. It's really, really annoying. And do you know what? Because we're in a rush today, it's a Friday special.

[00:01:27] Don't have time to do the front pages, which is unusual, isn't it? But I did them in detail on the live stream on YouTube last night. YouTube.com forward slash at Mr. Steve N Allen. So instead, we've got a briefer than usual news update from inside the papers. Let's do this. Should we do a little bit of entertainment news? The Roonies are in the papers today. Our Roo back in doghouse. I don't even know what that means, so we'll move on.

[00:01:53] Footy great Wayne Rooney jokes about having several doghouse manuals over his boozing and bad behavior. There's a new TV series. There's like interviews and documentaries on the Roonies. He says he's been in the doghouse a few times. Mate, you have taken the dog. This is a dog hotel. You've been in the dog mansion, my pal. This is not... Forgot a birthday once. Whoops. Went out. Stayed out a bit too late having a drink. You know, she was a bit upset when I got home. No, mate. Here's what happened. You did...

[00:02:20] There were some older ladies dans la nuit. There were some three... Hang on. Here's a headline from a couple of years ago. Wayne Hotel Room Booze Up With Three Girls. There were various stories. Of him getting up to, you know, things that he shouldn't have done. And somehow his missus stayed by him. And he says he's now got a manual on how to deal with the doghouse thing. Listen, most of us would not get away with what you got away with. So in that sense, I defer to your greater knowledge.

[00:02:48] But unless your manual is a big pamphlet that says try and have millions of pounds, I think you're missing the main crux of the argument, Rooney. Do you want some terrifying news? Let's do it. It's more AI stuff. So every day there's some story about AI. I mean, Anthropic recently said, worried that it would lead to a super species. So artificial intelligence could spawn a silicon species capable of rivaling humans. And we've talked about this before. I've said, if you're saying AI will be more intelligent than the average human,

[00:03:17] that's not that worrying. Because if you've seen the average human, take a look out a window. See some idiot looking at the phone about to trip over something, right? If it's that, but in silicon, well done. But actually, I was watching this documentary recently, and the experts say it won't be long until you have general artificial intelligence that will be more intelligent than the most intelligent humans. That is a worry. You know, those ones who can do all that maths in the head.

[00:03:45] But then at the same time, I'm not necessarily sure we need to worry. Because look, if we have another set of humans, but these are silicon ones, maybe that would be nice. A little bit of company. We've been on our own for a long while. So I'm not too worried about the idea of AI's becoming a rival species. As long as we're not competing for the same thing. I want them to be silicon. We don't need silicon. Well, look, I know we use it for windows and for making microchips, but that's what they need it for. Do you know where you find silicon?

[00:04:15] Absolutely flipping everywhere. It's in soil. It's in sand. If the worst thing that happens is some of our beaches get a bit pebblier, it's in the pebbles as well. So actually, all that will happen is that sea levels rise. We've been worrying about that one for a while. But yeah, whenever people say you've got to watch out for the AI, it'll take over humanity, it'll ruin the economy. And what about AI slop? Whenever people talk about AI slop, I always remind them, actual humans made Cotton Eye Joe. So just think on that. A little bit of a benefits news update.

[00:04:45] A benefits cheat fiddled more than £44,000. Wow. By claiming to be single despite uploading wedding photos to Facebook. And before we read on the details, look, it's obviously terrible when you get a story like that. But at the same time, it's roughly the same as what Darren Day did, isn't it? People pretend to be single when they're actually not. She's not the first one. She's just the one who's got financial benefits for it. Not even the first, probably. There you go. A bit of health news, actually.

[00:05:16] Six to eight hours of quality sleep a night lowers the risk of dozens of diseases, according to a study. Yeah, we know. You know what bothers me? As someone who's still got young kids. The youngest one's two-year-old, so we're not out of the woods yet. They're good sleepers, but they're not, you know, no one's that great. Seeing a survey saying, you know what, you'd be happier if you've got eight hours sleep. Hmm. Hmm. If I could be doing that, I would be doing that. You fools. There is nothing more annoying.

[00:05:46] Somehow, when you have a bad night's sleep because of the kids, reading a survey saying, hey, you should have got some more sleep, actually makes it worse. I don't know why, but it just does, doesn't it? Do you want to get angry? Here you go then. There were calls for the 20 mile an hour speed limits to be scrapped in Wales because they've actually become more dangerous. Because I always thought, do I not like 20 mile an hour speed limits because I'm some sort of an annoying Top Gear watching driver?

[00:06:11] It's not like I drive big cars or anything, but I do find 20 mile an hour zones just really annoying. It's like trying to walk slowly. Walking at your normal pace, absolutely easily. But if you're walking with, you know when you've got time to kill and you're like, oh, I'll tell you what, I'll just take a slow walk. You can't. You just, you pay more attention to making sure you're walking slowly. You do nothing. Same thing. You pay so much attention to looking at your speedometer than anything else.

[00:06:38] And don't get me on the fact that when you try and overtake a cyclist, they're doing 20, you're doing 20. You form a long term relationship with these people. But opponents point to the new figures which show that in Wales there have been actually more injuries on the roads in 2025 since they all came in. The only problem is it's quite expensive to change all the speed limits in Wales. Because if you change them all back up to 30, you need to have another sign underneath it that says 30, but in Welsh. I know I've done that joke before, but I still enjoy it.

[00:07:07] This is a beautiful story in some ways. There's a story of a mum who gave birth in a KFC car park. Ah. Katie Murphy, 33, was having contractions in the car. And she was being driven to the hospital by her partner, Stephen. But he called an ambulance, was asked the location. They saw it was a KFC. So they popped in there just off the A38 in Bromsgrove. I don't know it well. And because the baby was born in the car park, they've nicknamed their child the Colonel. Could have been worse.

[00:07:38] Could have been known as like the bucket or whatever. Which, to be fair, no, don't do the rest of that joke. We all know where that joke was going. But I think it tells you that if you are going to give birth, be careful of which restaurant you're doing it in. Obviously, you don't want to go down McAdee's. You've got to call the kid Ronald. No one needs that. Although that was my dad's name. Obviously, you could nip in a Gregg's. That's not a bad name, is it? I do think if you're starting to have contractions, ladies, nip down a Leon. It's quite a good name, isn't it? And the foods there are all right. Also, it depends.

[00:08:07] If you know the gender of your child, be careful. Because if you've got a son and you're about to give birth in a Gales, you're going to leave him very confused. I would feel remiss if I didn't mention this one. But one in ten of us nod off to a playlist with reggae, the top choice. So people listen. Country music's in there as well. According to a survey, people listen to a playlist of music as they sleep. Could you add into your playlist my songs on Spotify and Amazon Music? I've got an EP out called I'm Tired. Search for I'm Tired, Stephen Allen. There's first album poor, I'm Tired, and I Need Some Money Right Now.

[00:08:37] Leave them late. You'll be asleep. You won't even listen to it. But I will earn money from it. So, you know, thank you very much. New survey comes out saying more than half of women now apply their makeup on the commute to work. I'm presuming it's like just the women who are in work, isn't it? If you're deliberately leaving the house just to put your makeup on, it's not going to help net zero. Gen Z are leading the trend. 70% of them aged 18 to 29 put their lipstick on and their eye makeup on the go. You hope this means on the train.

[00:09:06] If this is when driving, you're helping no one. Do you know what I mean? I know they put mirrors in that vehicle, but that's not what they're for. I always find this little bit gendered. You know what I mean? Apparently, it's fine for women to do their makeup sat on the central line. And yet, when I was sat there flossing, I got tuttered at. I suppose it's because I wasn't talking about dental flossing. I mean, that thing you can do with a towel. No one needed that mental image either, so we'll just crack on. So there's your podcast.

[00:09:36] Sorry, it's slightly shorter today than usual. I've got to head off. I've got to drive all the way up to Bradford to do a stand-up comedy gig. If you find me on social media, you can see where I perform live, at Mr. Steve N Allen. Yeah, YouTube for some of the live stuff that we do as well. YouTube.com forward slash at Mr. Stephen Allen. Substack should be getting a bit of an extra tasty hit this weekend, although I've got a bit of telly on the go. You know, we'll do what we can. What I definitely can say is if you subscribe to this podcast, there'll be more of these on the way soon.

[00:10:06] Till next time. Thank you for listening to Stephen Allen Almost. Daily. This podcast is part of Podomity, the UK's podcast comedy network. Why not laugh at what else we've got? Visit Podomity.com.