We're Living in The Hunger Games

[00:00:00] Hello, I'm Steve N Allen and welcome to Steve N Allen Almost Daily. Hello and welcome to the podcast that keeps you up to date with the news other than the last three days when I was off on holiday. And I returned for the day when the big budget news lands. Thanks to John Healy's latest budget, it is official. Now if you wish to transfer money from a stocks and shares ISA to a cash ISA, you won't get the same penalty.

[00:00:29] It will now be considered the same as moving between ISAs of the same category. Sweet mercy! For a minute there, I didn't think I'd financially managed to survive this year. But now he's done that one, oh, I'm living the high life. Maybe I don't fully understand what that news is. Let's do the front pages. Listen, this ain't gonna take long. It's budget, budget, budget, budget, budget. I didn't even touch it, so look. The Daily Mail, Burnham's Is That It Budget.

[00:00:55] This had all the cha-cha-cha of siesta hour in a Mexican border town. Hombre Healy is a snoozer. There's no reason why they've gone foreign on that one. Don't get me wrong. I've just come back from a holiday myself. I spent the last five days or something in Portugal. I have sunburn in some of my whiter areas. I could tell you the details of that. And trust me, it's not as bad as you just thought. But I'm gonna let you, you know, bear with it.

[00:01:26] But, what was I talking about? Oh, this is it, yes. I've no idea why they're talking about Mexico. As a very much, definitely an aside, this is a non-sequitur, but I'm bringing it up anyway. My lad, my four-year-old, has been doing a lot of maths at school and he loves doing maths with me. And he asked me a question on holiday. He said, Dad, how many sides on a Mexican? And I said, Juan. And he didn't get that joke yet.

[00:01:54] But at some point in the future, when he gets that joke, I'm going to tell him that joke and say, like, well done, lad. You've half written a joke. A Mexican as a two-dimensional, many-sided area. It's a brilliant concept. Anyway, that was way more fun than talking about the budget. The Times. Healy offers cold comfort. But I kind of agree with this analysis. It was a bit of a nothing burger, to use that horrible phrase.

[00:02:21] It was a meh budget, which is a bit French. I meant a meh. You don't want to go too French. You'll have to set fire to a lorry load of lamb again. We can't afford that these days. It was a bit of a damp squib. Or as people who don't know what they're talking about say, damp squid. Of course, all squids are damp. They live in the beep water, you absolute beep hole. But this was like, eh, 100 quid off the electric. Don't get me wrong.

[00:02:50] I'll always take 100 pounds if someone wishes to give me 100 pounds. Kofi.com forward slash Mr. Stephen Allen. Test me. See if I take you 100 pounds or not. But, I mean, I thought I was going to be financially ruined by the cost of heating this year. And it turns out I will be financially ruined, but also if someone will have given me 100 quid. It will go straight into that black hole of my funds. I suppose it's just to make us feel like they're doing something. At the same time, they're absolutely hammering landlords.

[00:03:16] It's a bit of a risk because you do still, until you build houses, you definitely need places for people to live. Okay. Although they've done that thing, haven't they? They want to bring in the idea that the council could take properties back if they've been vacant for six months. So I suppose if you do turf out your tenants, this is the long game. They're playing the long con on this one. Okay. Maybe they are clever. Clever girl. But then what's the other things that's happened? The ISA thing I've already joked about.

[00:03:45] All of it was very much like, well, it's not really going to impact my life that much. Thank you very much for not bothering. Fiscal drag still bothers me. We should make a rule. Every government should have to increase the tax thresholds in line with inflation if they're increasing every goddamn other thing in line with inflation. If the train tickets are going up in line with inflation, if the pensions are going up at the very least in line with inflation, the basic rate before you have to start paying the tax man. If you're a cleaner who works their backside off, that should go up with inflation as well.

[00:04:14] That's less funny than I, it's just a genuine proper rant. The Guardian, £100 handout, but Healy warns of global storms. Healy puts squeeze on savers is the Daily Telegraph. The I, Chancellor hands £100 to millions for energy bills but delays welfare reforms and cuts. That was true. We had ages being told, you wait, you wait for the budget, you wait for the budget, it's going to be a hummer and a dinger. It's a humdinger, it's on its way.

[00:04:41] The budget arrives and it's mainly like, we'll tell you about it in a few months. And then the Mirror says, for the many, not the few, millions handed £100 to help with energy bills and a £50 VAT cut for all. Again, I'm grateful for it, but it's not going to change anyone's life, is it? Bank tax increase to fund breathing space. That one I kind of agree with. If we had infinite funds, don't tax the banks. But if you have to tax anyone, leave the landlords alone, leave the workers alone with this fiscal drag BS.

[00:05:11] But yeah, you can tax the banks. I don't really get two flips about the banks. And we're not out of the older shot just yet. Here's the front page of the Star, but they've asterisked the O in shot, which means it looks like it could be a different thing. Ooh, you naughty little tinkers. Them's the front pages. Let's jump inside the news. Today, this reports that a watchdog has come up with the idea that we should all be allowed to know what our co-workers are earning.

[00:05:40] Oh, yeah, that'll go well, won't it? Smooth. I don't like this as an idea. And I'll tell you for why, for why, for why. It's not because I disagree with the Equality and Human Rights Commission, the ER, hang on, no, the EHCR, one of those. And I'm sure it's good that we all get paid the same or something. But I'm fairly sure I don't. And it would be embarrassing for people to find out what I've agreed to work for. Do you know what I mean? There are some people who are worried that they'll find out they're earning too much.

[00:06:10] Like, people who work at the BBC don't want people to find out what they're earning because it's too much. Me, I never better show my face in public again for a very different reason. Rick Wakeman's in the paper. He says that he was given advice by his doctors who told him to retire at the age of 25. The rock star admitted he found it terrifying to look back at the six-decade career for his memoir, The Wizard of Prague. Oh, I like that. That's a good title. He's now 77.

[00:06:38] And he says, well, basically, read the book. He didn't, spoiler alert, he didn't quit at 25. And he's framed it as if it's the doctor saying you should really quit because you've just had, was it three heart attacks by that age? There is a chance he just didn't like the music. Do you know what? Let's not think that all doctors are saints. There is a chance that if you're a doctor and, I don't know, if the main musician behind The Rednecks came in and you'd just heard Cotton-Eyed Joe,

[00:07:07] you might have been like, do you know what? I think you need to retire on health grounds. What, my health? No, no, everyone else's. Do you know what? Maybe that's why Cotton-Eyed Joe, no, The Rednecks didn't do any others. We might look into that. Maybe that is what happened. I might be onto something here. This is interesting. A handwritten letter from Rolling Stones founder Brian Jones to drummer Charlie Watts up for auction. What do you reckon? For a letter. It's handwritten and it's, you know, an absolute staple of classic Rolling Stones

[00:07:36] and sadly no longer with us and all that. Actually both sadly no longer with us. 60,000. What? Wow. The note asking Charlie to join the group was written in June 1962 before the band that adopted the Rolling Stones name addressed to Mr. C. Watts. I like that. And also if you think about it, it was sent in 1962. If you get it now, 2026, that's not actually a bad delivery time these days for Royal Mail. So honestly, it's worth the money.

[00:08:06] More entertainment news then. Why not? Because good news. Jennifer Lawrence has confirmed she will reprise her role as Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games, Sunrise on the Reaping. Firstly, I'm a little bit worried that we're going back to that era of having the colon in film titles. Do you know what I mean? Because then the film titles get massive. It's going to be like The Matrix. Bosh. Done. Then you end up going through a, what was it, Master and Commander, colon,

[00:08:35] the something of the seas, semi-colon, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Don't make the title longer than the film. But also don't make the film longer to make up for it. I think that Master and Commander film was like three hours. Let's not do that. Also, can we just make sure we're careful with the headlines? Because I saw the headline saying The Hunger Games are back. And for a second, I didn't think they meant the films. I thought, yeah, that budget has made things a bit like that. The way things are going with our economy, I better get pretty tasty with a bow and arrow. Yeah.

[00:09:03] Somehow they've managed to work out the most mispronounced word this year. And I don't care how. I'll just read you the story. It's the Greek rap, spelled G-Y-R-O. Google users looked up the flatbread snack 1,803... 1,800 and... Hang on. 186,300 times. Good work, Steve. To learn how it... That it should be pronounced G-Y-R-O or G-Y-R-O. That's also common.

[00:09:32] But obviously many people thought it's pronounced G-Y-R-O. And I think I know why. It's because this is modern day Britain. Where fewer people are eating Greek food than are living on benefits. I think I got to the bottom of that one. We all know what a G-Y-R-O is, don't we? And if anything, the Greeks... We all remember the Eurozone crisis. So, well, it just fits. Look at this. Blackpool boasts the highest density of takeaways in the country.

[00:10:00] The Lancashire town has 23 per square mile. Now, it's not as if anyone struggles. Oh, I can't find a takeaway. You know what I mean? In the modern day world, maybe you don't need to be that densely packed. Also, when it said density of takeaways, for a second I did think they meant like... How stodgy a takeaway. Get a takeaway from near us. Maybe it won't floor you for a week. Get one up there. You know, you don't go for a swim for about five hours. Brighton and Hove is not far behind. 22 per square mile.

[00:10:30] Yeah, you wouldn't want to have to walk too far before imbibing over a thousand calories. And then we wonder why the nation is in the state it's in. Yorkshire has beaten off stiff competition, it says here. They're doing a pun about Viagra to become the Viagra capital of Britain. I did not know this was being geologged. Not that I've purchased it myself, but I tell you what, though. I mean, look, not too long until I hit the next decade.

[00:10:55] And I presume at some point in my 50s, things won't be quite as... I don't know. My 40s have been all right. But you realise you're on borrowed time. But they've got that invention. At some point, if ever I feel I need it, I'm going to be buying it by the truckload. Ooh, yeah, yeah. But I'll tell you what, I'm going to go to a different county to buy it. Ha ha! Do their stats in. No, that sounds like a plan. So if there's a county that you hate... Look, the easiest one to move the dial on would be Rutland, wouldn't it? Because it's a smaller county.

[00:11:23] See, I could really make them look like they are an embarrassment to themselves. So... And also, they'd lose the name Rutland. And I think we've peaked on that story. And that's just about all we have time for. Thank you very much for downloading and listening to this podcast. It's nice to be back, by the way. I should have spoke more about that. It's been away for a while in that Puthu gal. And I've missed her in the podcast. Thank you for downloading. I was cracking open a tinny. I mean, I'm not sugar-free Red Bull, obviously.

[00:11:54] I have to choose my poisons wisely at this age. Yeah, there's one thing, actually, while we're chatting about this. Chasing after two kids. Mine, don't worry. On holiday. Oh, flipping heck. Running on a beach. My calves are absolutely in knots. I don't know what's that. Probably about three inches shorter right now. They don't want you about that, do they? So it's nice to be back. We'll try and churn out another one of these. Although, I might get time to do one tomorrow. So it's a poor week. I apologise for only having one of these this week. But it's been a half term. What did you expect?

[00:12:24] Because tomorrow morning, 11 o'clock in the morning, I'm on BBC Radio 5 Live chatting through some news. We'll do the YouTube show, youtube.com forward slash at Mr. Stephen Allen at midday. Trimming it to make sure it's less than an hour because at 1pm I'll be on talk radio chatting through some news. You know what I like to do. And then in the evening, actually, no news at all. No news is good news because I'll be in Bexley doing some stand-up comedy down there.

[00:12:50] And you can track me down on social media at Mr. Stephen Allen to see more of this self-plugging type stuff. Other than that, till next time. Thank you for listening to Steve N Allen (almost) Daily. This podcast is part of Podomity, the UK's podcast comedy network. Why not laugh at what else we've got? Visit Podomity.com.