Prank Patrol and The Life and Times of Barney Harwood

[00:00:02] This content contains podcasts. This adult contains content. Adult content be advised. Enjoy the episode. Does your dad eat all your Halloween sweets? And it's like, put razors in them.

[00:00:23] How we doing? Yeah, alright. Hang on, let's do this properly. Hi, I'm Elsie. I'm Meg. I'm Laura.

[00:00:51] And we're the Thots of Thots TV. And we're delighted about it. We're so happy to be here. We are though. I have so much contempt for every single one of you. Oh, Meg. Don't say that. Don't say that. Don't say that. Right, if this is the first time you're listening to us, there's 63 other episodes to go back and listen to. Or is it 53? I can't remember. It's many. It's many. It's loads.

[00:01:21] Yeah, we're deep into it now. Yeah. I recently re-listened to our Chuckle Vision episode. Is that why you came in earlier and did an impression of poor Chuckle? Hello. Hello. And I said you sound like your dad. Yeah, that's not what my dad sounds like. Hello. It's what he sounds like in my head because every time you're on the phone with him, he does like... Ear Elsie. Ear Elsie. So in... Oh, Elsie. In that episode... Are you at this? Adrian, that's you.

[00:01:50] In that episode, we break halfway through to book tickets for Inside Number Nine Stage Cripe. And we've seen it now. And now we've seen it. So that was like nearly a year ago. Was it? Jesus. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Because we booked in, I think, April time. So yeah. That'll explain why I can afford it. Yeah. And at the end, Meg said, Elsie, this better be fucking worth it. If it's shit, I'll be so mad. It was really good. And it was amazing, wasn't it? It was a fun, that's true. There was a...

[00:02:19] The first 10 minutes were just... No, don't spoil it. Don't spoil it for people. Although, will it be finished by the time? It might tour. Who knows? I don't think... Fine. Fine. I won't say. No, it would be a spoiler. Okay. I'd be fuming if I'd done that play and then someone on some fucking podcast somewhere ruined it. Yeah. Just the first... Okay, fine. Right. What are we doing? I don't know. What are you doing? I'm sitting... We're all having a little glass of Prosecco.

[00:02:48] It was Meg's birthday Prosecco from Friend of the Pod. Delfina. It's really nice. That's delicious. It's actually really nice. We won't tell you who it's by. We used the six pound bottles of Prosecco from Asda that are all a bit acrid. Yeah. Acrid is a wonderful one. Or the occasional one that I steal from my grandparents that's randomly really nice. Yeah. She just takes bottles from her grandparents. They have so many. They're like, yeah, take as many as you want. Except for the bottle that's labelled Holy Water.

[00:03:15] A bottle of Bacardi that they've taped Holy Water onto, but it's actually full of pot sheet and they think that saying Holy Water on it will get it through customs. Because it's from the homeland. Yeah. Well, because proper pot sheet is made in someone's fucking bathtub. I mean, they're not taking it in hand luggage, are they? I don't know. If you're checking it, take what you like. Yeah. I don't know. I think it's just paranoia, to be honest. Or hilarious. One of the two. They want to give customs a good laugh.

[00:03:42] Imagine if customs had a sniff of it and they were like, wow, this holy water is smelling really holy. This will send you right to heaven. So I was going to call this episode Prank Patrol and the life and times of Barney Harwood. And I think I still might, but Laura coined the phrase earlier, the twink death of Barney Harwood. And I thought I could call it that, but it seems a little mean. He even had a twink funeral, didn't he?

[00:04:12] Because he had that, um, like as he was leaving Blue Peter, or was it leaving CBBC? He had that. Both at the same time. Yeah. That was like his twink funeral. It was. Yeah. Because I caught a bit of that and I saw what it looked like in that. And I was like, ah, twink death of Barney Harwood. He still looks very, very similar to how he looked back in the day. I think it's just beard. Yeah. Just, he looks like more, even more like Raven now. Yeah. People did use to get them confused. Just stupid people.

[00:04:41] I didn't, but people, people just think that. Stupid people. What's that from? What is that from? I don't think it's from anything. You say that a lot, but I don't know what we're quoting. Do we? Yeah, we go stupid. Oh, oh, oh. Is it, um, from Sorry I've Got No Head? Stupid boy. Is it that? I actually think, I think it is. Yeah. Stupid woman. Stilly woman. Stupid boy. You rude woman. Right.

[00:05:07] So we're doing Prank Patrol, but I thought it's been long enough now. Barney Harwood is literally in, like his name is in our podcast description. If you Google Barney Harwood podcast, we are the first result, I'm happy to say. Yay. I mean, I was looking for podcasts with him on, but there aren't that many and we're at the top there. Barney, would you like to come to our living room and record an episode? No, for real, it's worth asking.

[00:05:38] I thought he, he is, he defined an era so much. Like CBBC was the Barney Harwood show for about, like for over a decade really. And I thought it's high time we did an episode on him. And there isn't like a tremendous amount to say about Prank Patrol. So I thought let's combine the two. Are we doing Prank Patrol first or The Life and Times of Barney Harwood? I think we should do Prank Patrol first. Okay. You're the boss. I will say that.

[00:06:07] You're the boss. You're the boss. Before joining the podcast, I didn't know who he was. Never heard of him. That's very common for you though. Yeah. You've joined a podcast that you don't know anything about. That's not true. I know like bits and pieces every so often and then loads about the Disney Channel ones. Thing is, when you were 11, so before you left the country, he was still everywhere. So there isn't an excuse this time. I hated Blue Peter.

[00:06:37] Blue Peter. Okay. He wasn't on Blue Peter until 2000 and... Ugh. Okay. He was... He sounded like a creaky dog. I can't remember when he sounded... We'll come to this and I will get it right when we come to it. But he did so much before he was on Blue Peter. By the time he was on Blue Peter, I'd log out Grow Blue Peter. Yeah. Okay. That's fair.

[00:07:04] I mean, it's just because like we saw clips of him on Blue Peter and I was like, I did not enjoy Blue Peter at all. I watched it a couple of times and I was like, no, not for me at all. I found it just... It's just like the one show, but for kids. And I don't like the one show. Yeah. I don't like magazine shows. Well, no one likes the one show, but... So I'm starting to think that we should do Barney Harwood first because that's where this is going. It's up to you. I've changed my mind. We're doing Barney Harwood because that is the one that I'm most excited to talk about. So I've got an anecdote about Barney Harwood that I have... You met him.

[00:07:34] I have. I have told this story on the pod before and I think it was in our very, very first like introductory episode. Oh, so I haven't heard it. Oh, thanks, Laura. I have watched it. I watched all of those. Look at the confessions she's making today. Don't know who Barney Harwood is. Haven't listened to your back catalogue. No, I listened to... Our back catalogue. Our back catalogue. It's yours now too. I listened to the first season. Well, this might ring a bell then, the story I'm about to tell.

[00:08:01] I met him in 2017 and it really surprised me to see him in the flesh. What? Was he a rude con? Did it really surprise you? No, he was lovely. I mean, I met him very briefly. Like, just a quick hello. This is Barney Harwood. Hi. Seeing his face up close really shocked me because I hadn't...

[00:08:30] He has aged very, very slowly, but still I hadn't considered that he is a person with wrinkles on his face. Oh, I see. And you can't see that on the camera and he has been... Well, it was 20 years ago, so it's only 480p. Yeah. And he's been on my TV for as long as I can remember watching TV and he's looked, apart from his hair, he's looked very similar that whole time.

[00:08:55] So when I saw him, I was like, oh my God, he really has been doing this for over a decade and I didn't consider that he would have aged because you can't see it on the telly and it was really quite weird to see that he was a 40-something year old man, you know? He's a real boy. He's a real boy. Well, no, he wouldn't have been 40 then, but anyway. Is he 40 now? He's 45 now. Ah, okay. So he would have been 40 if it was five years ago. Did you say 2020 or 2016?

[00:09:25] 2017, yeah. So how old would he have been at the start of Prank Patrol? What year did that start? I think he was 23. I think. Oh, God. I hate that. Younger than us. Yeah. Isn't that disgusting? Interesting. Not even just like one, like three years. I know. I know. I think, I think that is how old he would have been. While he was out making moves, we were at home doing it.

[00:09:55] We were piggybacking off other people's careers on our living room floor. Yes, that's what I call it in my head. Really? A little bit. Yeah. Do you not think we build upon the content? Yeah, but without it, we'd be nothing. Yeah, we certainly try. I mean. I don't think the historians profit off the lives of other people. That's not how I think of... History, because you think they do their own way. We're kind of historians. We are. Yeah. Contemporary history. We talk a lot about Las Vegas. Yeah. Archivists.

[00:10:24] Nice. I like that. And just all around dickhead. So I started my research with a, as I always do, a... Wikipedia. Yeah, Wikipedia. Cursory Google. Yeah, yeah. And his Wikipedia page is short. And I was so shocked. You need to stick the guy that does all the Corbin Blue research onto Barney Harwood.

[00:10:54] Yeah, have we spoken about the Corbin Blue thing? I don't think on the podcast, but Corbin. Because it's incredible. It's incredible. I think... Is it second or first? It's second, right? Who, what, when, where, what? Second now. Second. So the most translated Wikipedia page. Number one. Have a guess. Who is it? Very important. Jesus. Yes. Yay! Number two. Corbin Blue. From High School Musical. Oh, you say Corbin Blue when I hear Le Corbin Blue. Honestly.

[00:11:23] I know what that is, but who the fuck is Corbin Blue? Every time I go past the Corbin Blue in London, I do think, ah, Corbin Blue. From High School Musical. Maybe they did it on purpose. Someone's very obsessed with making sure that his Wikipedia is translated into as many languages as possible. As they should be. It's very important work that they're doing. And I think he is one of my favourite characters from that film series as well. I'm going to get that person onto our Wikipedia page. We don't have one, Meg.

[00:11:52] Oh my god, the other day, I was, um, I told, so I don't know if I've told this story on the podcast before, but my, um, a genuine topic of conversation that comes up a lot with my dad is funny things you could name a dog. And my dad has always said that if he had a dog, he'd name it Isambard. Like Kingdom Brunel? Yes, like Kingdom Brunel. And my dad's an architect. And I was telling, I was telling my boyfriend this and he said, what?

[00:12:22] Like the architect? And I said, what? And he said, like Isambard, Kingdom Brunel, the architect. And I said, he wasn't an architect. He was an engineer. Yeah, he's the one that did the London sewers, right? He was most famous for bridges is what he's most famous for. Bridges and like, I think it was Great Western Rail or something like that. Yeah. Um, or Grand Central, something like that. I think it might've been Grand Central. Anyway, he, um, he is an engineer. Um, my boyfriend was like, no, he's not. He's an architect. And I was like, you can be.

[00:12:52] And I was like, no, he's an engineer. And let me tell you this now. The word architect does not appear on Isambard Kingdom Brunel's Wikipedia page. But he got his phone out to check because he was so convinced he was right. And he then attempted to edit Isambard Kingdom Brunel's Wikipedia page. So it said that he was an architect. And it wouldn't let him because it had to be verified.

[00:13:19] Like, it is interesting to me that Wikipedia, when we were in school, was like, be careful, not necessarily trusted because random fuckers who think they're right can edit it. But now, because of the state of the internet and Google, it's like, you know what? This is actually a pretty safe place to start. Yeah. And then he was like, oh, it won't let me. And I was like, what? Is that because he's a fucking engineer? He was like, yeah. Yeah.

[00:13:43] So I started looking at his Wikipedia and like, you know, a certain type of person, you go straight to the personal life section. Oh, yeah. You always go straight to the personal life section. Well, I look at the contents and I see what the best bit is. Well, it's like, if it's personal life, if not personal life. Controversy. Or accident. Yeah. Lawsuit. Death. Yeah.

[00:14:12] None of that for Barney Hartwood. Good. Yet. No, I'm sorry. I said that as a joke. It makes it sound like something bad's happened. Nothing bad's happened. Oh, yeah. Good. Yeah. No lawsuits yet. He's not dead yet. I felt fairly neutral about him until I started doing this research. And now I really, I do. I think I'm a little bit in love. I'm sorry. You were neutral. No, that is such a lie. Yeah, no. If you were neutral about him, he wouldn't be in our podcast description else. You loved him before. Now you love him more. And you'll love him after.

[00:14:42] No, I just, no. I've honestly didn't really have that much of an opinion. It didn't feel that way. Okay. Well, I messaged these two and I was like, his Wikipedia page is so bare. Like it's his career, but it's not got like even where he was born. Like I know that now, but it doesn't even have that. Where's he born? It's Blackpool. I guess because. Yeah. Yeah. What's his son of Northern King? Yeah. One of his main pool of like fans and people that do a lot of work on Wikipedia pages are

[00:15:10] like fans or depending on the person, historians, political affiliation stuff. Anyway, but his are mostly kids. So it's like. Not anymore though. Yeah, no, that's fair. But it's like, I don't know how many of the people that were fans of him then would have gone and gone. Let's edit his Wikipedia page kind of thing. Like, so it kind of makes sense because. Yeah. Yeah. So it had like a list of shows he's done. I was like, where was he educated? Like, how did he get involved in presenting?

[00:15:39] How I, and I still don't know how he got his first job. Surely he has a page on the Blue Peter wiki, like Wikia. Yeah, probably. But there isn't a lot of information about his, you know, early life education, any of that. And I was just very shocked because he was. Prominent. So prominent. He's a cornerstone of British culture. He kind of is. He kind of is. So. At least of our generation. Yeah.

[00:16:05] Like I went to see in Edinburgh in 2018, Dick and Dom's adult show in the evening. Dick and Dom in the evening. Dick and Dom in the evening. And he was part of the audience and they brought him on stage and everyone was like, oh my God, of course he's here. Of course. So I've actually learned more about him from one specific YouTube interview with Rob Hallam.

[00:16:34] So Rob Hallam has a YouTube channel and he was one of the Prank Patrol actors. Oh, okay. And I don't know what he does now. But he, I don't think it's acting, but he has a YouTube channel and he brought Barney Howard on to interview in 2024. I'm not sure when last year, but recently. And that is the most recent thing I can find of Barney Howard. And I was very surprised. Reminds me a little bit of the high five people.

[00:17:04] Absence of them. And then there's like recent stuff where they've been talking about it. Just like the pattern of. Yeah, exactly. And this, I mean, thank you to Rob Hallam because this is so. Thank you, Rob. Thank you, Rob. This was very, very insightful. It's the most I've ever heard him talk about his life. So, and I've not seen this information anywhere else. So this is like a half hour thing. I recommend you go and watch it because it is really interesting. If you're dying for the details, go his way.

[00:17:33] So let me just first start off with a list I found on his Wikipedia career section of all the shows he's done. And I don't think this is comprehensive. I was about to ask that. Yeah, because these are shows he's presented, but he also showed up as a, like a guest star in other TV shows and radio. And he did voiceover stuff as well. So this is not comprehensive, right?

[00:18:01] So he was CBBC continuity announcer from 2002 to 2005. And he also was that in 2007 and 2014. In 2004 and 5, he presented a show called Crush. Yes, I remember Crush. I don't remember it, but I found out the concept and we need to cover it. But there's unfortunately no footage of it anywhere. Really? Really, really hard to find. I'm sure Laura can solve that.

[00:18:31] Give me 10 minutes. I'll try. Just 10 minutes. So that was 2004 and 2005. In 2004 to 2007, note the crossover here. He presented Smile. I remember Smile as well. Saturday morning. 2005 to 2006, Panto. I remember Panto. 2007, he presented Totally Doctor Who, which was the Doctor Who after show. Yes, I also remember that. I don't.

[00:19:01] I caught most of Doctor Who on BBC3 reruns. Also 2007, he presented Sports Relief Get Subbed, which I'm guessing was another kind of secondary show. 2006 to 2010, he presented Prank Patrol. Yes. Yes. Again, 2007. He presented a show called The Sorcerer's Apprentice. I also remember The Sorcerer's Apprentice. 2007 to 2010, he was in Bare Behaving Badly. So...

[00:19:30] I can't wait to do Bare Behaving Badly. Me too. That's a good show. 2007 to 2008, another Panto. 2008 to 2010, he was presenting Basil's Game Show and Basil's Swap Shop. Yeah. Very similar shows. 2008, he was the narrator on a show called Smokehouse. Yeah. 2008, he was a guest star in Hyder in the House, which we have to cover. I remember Hyder in the House. 2009, he presented Barney's Barrier Reef. I remember... Yeah. What?

[00:20:00] I remember that as well. How I watched that religiously. What on earth was that about? It was just like a sort of documentary show. Okay. 2009, he presented some Newsround specials. So not Newsround, but like longer 15-minute features. 2009 to I Don't Really Know When, a kids radio show on Radio 4 called Go For It. 2009, he narrated Inside Life. 2009 to 2010, Bamzuki Street Rules.

[00:20:30] Yes. 2010 also. A Christmas theatre show. Not Panto, but just a theatre show. 2010, Barney's Latin America. Similar to Barrier Reef. 2011 to 2017, Blue Peter. 2011 to 2012, All Over the Place. 2013, another Christmas show. And I wish I'd seen it because both Sue Pollard and the Hoff were in it.

[00:20:59] So what a cast. So he said, and that's it, right? And he said in this interview, he worked it out. He, over 18 years, he did 18 shows, which doesn't equate to a show a year. There's a huge amount of overlap. So when he was doing Prank Patrol, he was doing, just keep this in mind when we talk about Prank Patrol. He was doing five other shows at the same time. Legend.

[00:21:29] No, that's... It really is high five level. Well, maybe not high five levels, but you know. It's too much rise and grind for my liking. So I'm going to play you a clip from this interview. So hi, everyone. This is Elsie on her own. I'm sat in bed editing. I call it bed editing. And about, I don't know, maybe 10 days ago, I did get in touch with Rob Hallam to ask if I could use clips from his interview.

[00:21:59] And I just don't have a reply, basically. And I don't want to do it without him saying yes. So I've transcribed the bits that I want to say. I do super recommend that you watch this whole half hour interview on YouTube. I will post a link in the show notes. But this is a specific bit of the episode that I want to highlight. And you might hear from me again later. But this is just the one bit that I want to show now.

[00:22:29] I would drive from Cardiff to do Totally Doctor Who, to do Prank Patrol on a Tuesday. Maybe Wednesday if we did a prank day. And then I would go and do Bear Behaving Badly on a Thursday and Friday. Then I would do Swap Shop on the Saturday. Smile on the Sunday. And it would just sort of loop. It was a bit of a blur for me, to be honest. I think that's why my life is the way it is now. It was such an intense period of time. It's so difficult to try and explain what it was like to be that guy who was just drinking energy drinks.

[00:22:55] And drinking coffee and getting in the car and driving and doing a thing. And then finishing and changing clothes and doing the next thing. It was a monster of a time, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I had the best, best time. I did some incredible stuff. But I did a lot, as in too much really. So what do we think about that? It reminds me a little bit of how Dick and Dom talked about their work schedule. Because theirs was super intense as well, in a way that's incredibly off-putting to me.

[00:23:25] Even at 23, super off-putting to me. I mean, it's... I thought for a second there that you said off-putting. How could you possibly be off-putting? It's very admirable and awesome that you got to do so much. But I do feel bad that it did him in so hard. Well, yeah.

[00:23:46] He goes on to say that he was drinking so much Red Bull and caffeine. So he would get up at four in the morning. Like rehearsals would start at half four in the morning. And by half six, he'd have had like four Red Bulls. I feel bad for his heart and his kidneys. When he was 27, his kidneys completely packed in and he was really unwell. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

[00:24:13] Because it's really hard for your body to process that much salt and caffeine. Yeah. He was very unwell. And he says in this interview, like, he was just completely in a bubble. And the reason that he just kept on taking on more things is because he... The fear. The fear. Yeah. Like, he didn't do well at school. He didn't like school.

[00:24:41] And it was kind of the 1980s style of teaching where, like, it was just quite harsh. And, you know, people would say, oh, you wouldn't... You're not going to amount to anything. He found his niche and that's what he knew he could do. So he did it. Locked the fuck in. He locked the fuck in. And in hindsight, like, if I'd actually thought about it, like, if I'd worked it out before watching that interview, I'd be like, fuck, what? When did he...

[00:25:10] When did he spend time doing nothing? Sleeping. Yeah. And that's for, like, a decade, you know? Like, crazy stuff. But it's like, yeah, when I... Like, my dad still, in my opinion, works too much. Like, I mean, not so much the case for Barney Harwood's work. Like, obviously, there's a very direct reward with, like, how much you're giving to children's media, how much you're giving directly to children. Oh, and all the BAFTAs. And all the BAFTAs. That man has a lot of BAFTAs. Because my dad's like, Dad, Microsoft doesn't care about you.

[00:25:39] Why are you killing yourself working for them? I don't know. Some people work so much that when they're not doing it, they don't know what to do. Yeah. And, like, I do that when we have, um... We had a really busy season. Was it over Christmas? Not last year, the year before or something. Or was it last summer? And we had a break. We had the break between seasons. And we didn't have to record for weeks. Yeah.

[00:26:05] I remember sitting next to Elsie on the sofa and being like, I feel like we have something to do. Yeah, I feel like I'm missing something. Like, what am I missing? Like, I mean, that was more anxiety that I was, like, not going to reach a deadline or insane. The more you do it, the more you're used to doing it. Yeah. And the more you don't know what to do when you're not doing it. It's an anxiety and guilt that's baked into us from... It's baked into us from when we're children and how, like, we're taught to feel guilty if we're not at school. Yeah. Yeah. And, like, that kind of thing.

[00:26:35] And it translates. It's, like, a very capitalist mindset where it's like, if you're not contributing in a realistic way to society, you should feel bad. That's so true. When I was at school, if I was ill and I had a day off, you know, when you... Well, I don't know if it's for everyone else, but, like, when I'm ill, I always feel my worst when I've just woken up. When I'm, like... Oh, yeah. Congested and I've got no... I mean, daily I feel my worst when I've just woken up.

[00:27:01] Congested and, like, I've got no painkillers left in my body and I've been laid horizontal for eight hours. And then, like, I'd be like... I'd say to my mum, like, oh, I'm too old to go into school. She'd call in for me. And by one o'clock in the afternoon, I'd be like, probably could have gone into school and then I'd feel bad about it. And it's like, no. It's good you rested and recovered fully. Yeah. Like, you can trace it back, like, to Christianity and, like, relations to sloth and, like, that getting baked into society.

[00:27:29] Like, don't be lazy because it's sinful. And then it translates really well into a capitalist society where if you're not going to be not contributing to society, you're bad. And it's like, fuck off. But it's something that's fucking impossible to shake because, like, when I'm not doing work on a given... I always feel bad if I've not got enough work done on a given day. Yeah. We were just supposed to be vibing. We were just supposed to be vibing. I saw a tweet that I found kind of changed...

[00:27:58] Weirdly changed my outlook on life. I mean, I've not changed my behavior, but I felt worse about my behavior because I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing. But it basically said, we think of life as being a side scroller when actually it's an open world game. Yeah. Go find out what all the question marks on the map are. Yeah. Don't just keep going ahead. Talk to that cat that sat in the light. It has a side quest for you. Yeah, do a side quest.

[00:28:25] I went to Borough Market on my Thursday off last week because I went to the post office and then I realized I could just keep going. Yeah, you discovered your free will. I was like, I've got free will. I could just go. I could just keep going. Before I go on to talk about what Barney Harwood did next when he decided it's time to stop... I hope he took a real long sabbatical. Oh, he did. Good. Okay.

[00:28:51] I want to just say a little bit about what he said in that interview and other interviews about what it's like being a Blue Peter presenter. Because we haven't done a Blue Peter episode and it's probably something we should do because it's obviously so massive, but it's a big job. It's a big job. Because it's... How long... Was it going on for 30 years? 20 years? 50. And it's still going. It's still going, mate. Yeah, right. But then I think that... Some respect. I don't... I didn't like it.

[00:29:20] But it makes it difficult to tackle because I think in the same way as a show like SNL where it's like, well, which bit do you talk about? Because there's been so many different people over the 50 years. It's like, which bit do we highlight? Well, this is what I've learned from him listening to him talking. But this is, you know, knowledge that's been known. It's in the cultural consciousness.

[00:29:49] Very comprehensive of you. That's the one, yeah. So Biddy Baxter, who created the show, the original editor of the show, she called it Blue Peter because... Do you know what the Blue Peter flag is? It's a ship. It's... It's... Um... Each ship uses this flag on its maiden voyage. So... The reason that the show is Blue Peter is because Biddy Baxter wanted to sort of show kids the world.

[00:30:18] And it's their first voyage. Aww. I know. It makes me feel a bit... Do they crack a bottle of champagne over it? Over the Biddy child's head. Have you seen that video of them throwing a bottle of champagne at a boat and it just bounces off the boat? Like, champagne bottles are really quite hardy. So it's like, usually they have to have a separate tool to make sure it actually... Sugar glass. Yeah. Yeah. All that. Yeah. It's not real champagne. Yeah. Yeah. So that's why it's called Blue Peter.

[00:30:48] And Barney said that each presenter has to do three challenges before they get to become a Blue Peter presenter. Because if you're going to go on TV and say to kids, oh, you can do anything you set your mind to, you can do this thing, you can do... They... They have... You have to do it. They have to do it first. Right? Put your money where your mouth is. Exactly that. Yeah. Yeah. And there is a podcast I listen to, a single podcast episode that came out a few years ago. The podcast is called Finding the Funnies.

[00:31:16] And they had Barney Harwood on as a guest star and he talks about one of the challenges that he did. I'm not going to detail it now. You would hate this so much. I'm not going to detail it now, but he was left alone on a desert island for five days and he had to survive. No. And... I would only do that if I was trying to get my career back like Phillips Gofield. Oh, yeah. Well, that didn't work, did it? So... Matt Harker. So... Oh, yeah.

[00:31:44] That was the jungle and he wasn't alone. He did other ones as well. Did he? Yeah. Because my dad was watching the SAS one. Oh, he did that as well, didn't he? I think he did a few. Yeah. I think he might be doing too much. Yeah. I think he should just quietly go away. Okay. So, go listen to the Barney Howard episode of Finding the Funnies because the way he describes

[00:32:07] what he went through on that island to become a Blue Peter presenter, I paused it and I rushed into Laura's room to tell her and it's... I mean, I couldn't believe what I was hearing but I'm not going to detail it now. But he said that being a Blue Peter presenter when he first started, he sat in a room with a bunch of executives and they said, this job will change the way you think about your job and presenting. And he said it did and it changed the way I think about life.

[00:32:37] And he said he'd never been, you know, a typical day, a typical week presenting Blue Peter. You would wake up, you'd have an email and it would say, have you ever been bungee jumping? And you'd say no. And they would say, okay, well, you're doing that tomorrow. And he lived like that for, what was it, five years? Six years? Six and a half years. He's one of the longest running Blue Peter presenters. All the others got too tired. Good for him. Stressful crisis every morning. And I wake up, what am I doing tomorrow?

[00:33:08] I'd be so stressed about going into work. What are they going to do to me today? Today you're going to be put in a sensory deprivation tank. It's kind of like Bridget Jones's whole journalism. No, the show you were mentioning, I did immediately go, oh, the one that Daniel does in the second Bridget Jones. Oh, he did that. But for kids. I have a question. Yeah. What were the other two things he did? I don't know. Oh.

[00:33:35] Less exciting than horribly surviving in a deserted place. When we've stopped recording, I'll tell you what happened. You're going to hate it. You just tell me now and cut it out. Yeah. We're putting that on the podcast. You could have had one live reaction to it. I just told Meg what happened on the island. Why are we not putting this on? I don't know. I just thought. No, put it on. It's someone else's. It happened on someone else's podcast.

[00:34:02] Go listen to Finding the Funnies with Barney Howard. Oh, it's fucking horrible. This is how much scruples we have. We're not telling you something insane. Because it belongs to another person's interview. It says a lot about our friendships that you guys were like, we know this and we think it's horrible, but you especially are going to absolutely hate that. And I'm right, aren't I? You're so right. That is one of the worst things I've ever heard. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:34:31] I, I, I like audibly gasped standing up in the kitchen. I gripped onto the sink, just reminding myself that I was okay. And I was in a flat. There's water right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I ran into Laura's room. I was like, Laura, you need to hear this. And you were like, my God, that poor man. It only takes four and a half days to go insane. Yeah. Yeah. So. I actually don't know how we can carry on. Give Meg a moment to recover.

[00:34:59] You know, we've lost all our listeners because they are going to that other podcast. I've finished my wine and I'd like more. Is there more? No. There's beers. I might, yeah. Have a beer. Have the Kit Kat. How many beers are there? Two. Two Kronas, I think. Oh, I might have a beer. How many? Did you drink all the Desperados? Yeah. Yeah. Currently, you're in a desperate state. She finished the entire line. I'll have a beer soon. All right. So. Welcome back, everyone. Welcome back.

[00:35:28] If you've just come from that episode of Finding the Funnies, you now know what Barney Harwood went through. And. Oh, dear. Just. It. Imagine if they made people on the one show do that. You can't. You can't become a one show presenter until you've gone insane on a remote island. It's horrible. He also said that he'll never say that he's hungry ever again.

[00:35:58] Which I said is like, I mean, but you are like. You might wake up in the morning really hungry and you go, oh, I can't say I'm hungry. I promised I'd never say I was hungry. And it's like. Yeah. Because no. He knows what. Pure hunger. Yeah. Pure, true hunger feels like. This is somewhat sad. And my dad told me not to do this. I was traveling on my own once for a while and I was trying to save money. So I didn't eat anything for like two days. I was just trying to save money. I was trying to make a certain amount last a certain amount of time.

[00:36:28] And then. Yeah, I was. Yeah. Hallucinating. I wasn't. I was really, really hungry. It was about. Nowadays we just use your dad's Uber account for fucking everything. It's like. Why did you have scruples back then? Because I was. I was already. Food. She was trying to make a point. I was already doing quite an expensive thing. And I was trying to make it less expensive. That was also the same time when I got into a fight with a mosquito. That I like couldn't go to sleep until it was dead. Was it a mosquito? Oh, it was definitely. Or was it?

[00:36:58] Oh no, it was definitely a mosquito. Because it was still dead on the wall after I'd had some pizza. So. It was on the wall. Not on her. Yeah. I was in a room for four people on my own. And this mosquito had bitten me 11 times on the face in one night. And so I was like not having it tonight. Um. And probably in my. You have to die. In my hungry state was like you have to die. So I didn't go to sleep until it was dead. He said before he quit. Before.

[00:37:24] So when he was like deep in CBBC employment. He would wake up to about 35 emails a day. And all of them were basically. You know. Your train's booked for this time. You're going here. This is a call sheet. You're here at this time. You're here at this time. You're here at this time. You're doing this. God, his daily platter must have been insane. Yeah. Well. Yeah. Well he had a PA. Obviously. Like the way that these things work. The way that TV works. Is.

[00:37:55] The talent doesn't do anything for themselves. Ever. It's managed. They are managed. Right. They're herded around like cattle. Yeah. In a kind of more bougie way than that. Herded around like cattle. It's just a nice plush trailer. And when he left Blue Peter. And left CBBC at the same time. He said he woke up. And he had one email. And it was from Halfords. And he said he was utterly terrified. Because he had never. You know. Had nothing to do. Yeah. He started.

[00:38:25] What? He would have been like. What? Early 20s. Early 20s. And he said he'd never booked a train for himself. Ever. Like he just. He hit a wall. He didn't know what to do. He was completely unlawed. That's so sad. Because it means he's never. A train's never been booked for him. For pleasure. He's only ever. What? Unless he's gone to his PA. Could you book me this train to go on holiday? I don't. He probably didn't really have a PA. Doesn't sound. No. She said he had a PA. Yeah.

[00:38:55] Yeah. You have a personal assistant. But they're not like. Related to BBC. Yeah. Not there because you're like the head honcho of the BBC. They're because they have to get you somewhere. Yeah. I mean. It's a personal assistant. Because a personal assistant is above him. Kind of. Yeah. Probably that was the case. Yeah. They're the talent. But he's like bottom of. Bottom of the feeding line. Not. Because he's. He has to do everything. Not the runners. I thought the runners were at the bottom of the run. Oh yeah. Yeah. But not in terms of. Yeah. You know.

[00:39:25] They're just on sets. He said he was really scared. Like the most scared he's ever been. Because it's like. What do you do? So what he did. Was he. Invest in crypt. He said he got. Qualifications to be a photographer. Oh cute. He said he didn't want to just buy a camera. And like use his name for stuff. He wanted to be a qualified. Photographer. And he started making. He started filming documentaries.

[00:39:55] I don't mean to deride photographers by saying cute. I think it's adorable that he was like. I want to go to school for it first. Not. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to deride photography as a career. You've been worrying about that for five seconds. Yeah. You got to make that disclaimer. So he started making documentary films. And he said he realized. That he had accidentally been training to do this for 18 years. He knew how to set up a mic. He knew how to tell a story. He'd been done documentaries.

[00:40:24] Yeah. He'd been watching other people do it for such a long time. Yeah. So he said he has about four or five films. And none of them are released. He said he's just finding his stride. And like getting his personal style. And that's what he does. And he's. He produces. I think he produces podcasts. He's got a website. And his website says. He says. That he is. I think. Editor. And producer. And basically. He's one of those people.

[00:40:54] Where like a company can contact him. And he will. Just make some content for them. Now. And that's what he's been doing. Dream combo. For the next planet Earth. David Attenborough. And Barney Harwich. Oh my god. Running out of time. Yes. Oh Meg. That's not nice. Do you mean the Earth? Do you mean the Earth? Or Sarah Attenborough? No I do think that David Attenborough is going to die before the Earth dies. Oh you'd hope so. Now that man ain't going anywhere.

[00:41:22] He's gonna see the sun explode. Yeah. Maybe. Him and the cockroaches. The first man to live to three billion. Anyone got a good David Attenborough impression? No. No yeah I didn't think so. I honestly think. I've got a crap one. I think that that is male privilege. I think you have better people to do impressions. Like more iconic voices. Yeah. And they can do it better. And it's such a fucking shame for women. There's much more.

[00:41:52] If you look at like 20th century women. There's a lot more like iconic voices. Yes I agree. Yeah. I mean most of the. Yeah Catherine Hepburn. But most of the Muppets are voiced by men. Oh yeah of course they are. Like most of the people in Bob's Burgers are voiced by men. Yeah. One of the family is voiced by a woman. And the rest are all men. This is where it gets interesting. This interview took place in 2024. I don't know if that was a year ago or you know four months ago. I don't know.

[00:42:21] Well Elsie it was three months ago. We're only in March. Yeah but I. Okay. He had a year to have the interview. I'm being a dick. Yeah. Sorry. Yes. So at the time of this interview he had sold his house. He sold everything. And he was about to embark on a trip. He became. Pilgrimage. He became the man who can't be moved. Oh my god. Okay. Worst song in the world. Public nuisance by the script.

[00:42:50] We hate that song. It's long distance harassment and you're being a public nuisance. I'm sorry. LDH. LDH. Yes. There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world. It's just disgusting. Actually horrible. Horrible stuff. Horrible stuff by the script there. Brief aside. We have to vent about it. I have said this on my radio show if that song has been queued up. I will. Every time I'll be like public nuisance by the script there.

[00:43:20] He. The reason for this. That he's going to travel around in his camper van. He's going to film the experience. And that is because someone told him. There are 30,000 kids a day. Googling what happened to Barney Harwood. And he mentioned. And I feel ever so slightly called out by this. I mean the guy's got our fucking number. He said there are clips going around. And nostalgia is huge at the moment. And everyone's saying. Well fuck.

[00:43:50] Yeah. What's happening to Barney Harwood? Who remembers prank patrol? Who remembers Bear behaving badly? So are we part of the impudence for him doing this? I hope so. I hope so. That's good. Unless he hates doing it. And then I hope not. Nostalgia who? What? So his dad said. Well what. I mean. What you've always wanted to do. Is just like. Travel around in your van. And film stuff. Like if someone said that you are going to do really. Really well on YouTube.

[00:44:20] Just doing these little films. You will. And you should. And he said. Yes. That is what I want to do. So he packed everything in. As of a few months ago. He is traveling around. He's going to. I think he said on this interview. The first episode is going to be called I'm Scared. Fair. I can only assume. Don't hook me on. I can assume that this will come out. You know. In the next year or something. Or. I guess. I don't. I don't really know. Because the thing about this interview on Rob Hallam's YouTube channel.

[00:44:49] Is that it has 600 views. I don't know. Go. Is that all? That is all. Maybe 640. Unbelievable. So these things that he has said. I know 200 of them are you. I know. So these things that he's said. I have to assume that they're okay for me to repeat. Because they're pretty huge things that are coming.

[00:45:17] But it's on a public video. And. It's not. You didn't pay to see it. So. No. No. So. So the reason I bring that up. Is because he did say in this interview. It's me again. Hello. I wish that you could be hearing this in Barney Howard's voice. Because otherwise it makes it sound like I'm making this up. But this is what he said at the end of the interview with Rob Hallam. Again a link to that is in the show notes.

[00:45:48] So there's going to be an episode of Prank Patrol. I just haven't told you about it yet. But that's coming down the line. Because nostalgia is huge. There's going to be a Bare Behaving Badly reunion. Which I've already organised. But again. No one knows about this yet. But these are all ideas that I've got. I know. I would love. I know. If they got some of the iconic like kids who were on Prank Patrol to come in. There are none. Oh no. Jamie. The video game one. Okay.

[00:46:18] We are the only people that remember that because we watched it yesterday. I don't. I mean. You can't throw around the word iconic like that. Fuck. Wow. Notable. Wow you guys. Calm down. We've just heard some really big news. You two are at each other's throats. I know. We do need to calm down. World peace. It will bring about world peace. It will. I believe. Hopefully at least. Between you two.

[00:46:44] I'm going to have to ask permission to like play bits of this interview because I really thought that this would be way like viewed way more because it's massive. How did you find it? I googled Barney Harwood interview 2025. That might be why. He hasn't done enough SEO. What's it called? SEO. Oh yeah. It's just search engine optimization. Yeah. He hasn't done enough SEO. Yeah.

[00:47:14] I need the tea on this. So this is what he said to him. Rob's got Barney's number. I know. I know. Elsie's next date with a man in his 40s. Okay. Okay. Have we told this story? I think we might have told this story. Probably. If we haven't, you don't get to know. I'm not doing it again. Search our back catalogue. Let us know.

[00:47:40] So yeah, that is fairly massive recent news. And I hope it's okay for us to say. I don't see why not. I was just very shocked at how little views or noise there was about the fact that he A. Had shown his face in 2024. And B. I can't remember what my B was. We should contact Google and be like, hey, you know, all those 30,000 kids that are Googling what happened to Bonnie Harwood? I have an answer.

[00:48:10] You should direct them here. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. Google don't work like that. I know. It's just a man in a room. Have you seen those videos where it's like how people would speak to Google if they were a person? And it's like, so choreography, what is this? And he's like. Oh no. Some people do like something that really pisses me off when I see it is people Googling with like complete proper sentences. I'm like, just keywords. Like, how does this?

[00:48:41] No, you're not going to get good results. Or you might get the same results, but it's just a fucking waste of time. I do. It's a noise. I do do that sometimes. Sometimes I Google a thing and then I'm like, no, it's given me the wrong information. And instead of writing out the question in full, I do do item. What is rather than what is item? Just because I'm like, I don't want to backspace. Yeah. It's like, it's like the equivalent of watching someone put a question mark at the end. Like, no, don't do that. Sometimes I do that. Why, Laura? I like question marks. Okay.

[00:49:13] Fine. I'm so exhausted. Grammar's a muscle. And if you don't use it, you lose it. I don't know what else I had to say about Barney Howard, really. Just that, um, oh, yeah. Check your notes, maybe. He composed the theme songs for Prank Patrol and Bear Behaving Badly. Did he? Yeah. Genuinely. Yes.

[00:49:41] Today, Josh Colton joins the Prank Patrol. His mission? To become a rich, famous artist and prank his brothers into believing that he is the next Leonardo da Vinci. This is Prank Patrol, where we help people like you pull off the prank of their lives. Here they come, they're on a roll. Where they'll strike, nobody knows. If you have a point to prove, we'll make a plan and see it through. We'll sign you up to join their crew. Barney and the ninjas too.

[00:50:11] Here we go. Come and join the Prank Patrol. Here we go. Continuing the now tradition of us singing the theme songs, should we talk about Prank Patrol? I think we should, yes. I thought we were going to do Prank Patrol first. We were going to. And then we started talking about Barney Howard and I was like, let's just give it context. When we're talking about it, remember that the guy is, um, working off caffeine that will eventually nearly kill him. On fumes. Yep. So we want to know about Prank Patrol then, hey?

[00:50:42] Um, it started in Canada. Yes. We, we saw people on the Discord talking about, oh. Stuart. Thanks, Stuart. It was, uh, it was in Canada first. Um, yeah. Cause when we were, I was looking for it on YouTube and it was kept coming up with Canada. And I was like, is this one right? And I was like, no. Yeah. Um, from yeah, 2005, it started in Canada and, um, the UK did it in 2006. Rare to go that way around, isn't it? Is it? I don't know. North America to the UK is less common. I suppose if you talk in sitcoms, yeah.

[00:51:11] I've talked general shows. There's a lot that. Really? Yeah. We, we tend to start them and then they do them. Oh, right. Sometimes better, sometimes not. So almost exactly the same format. It was presented by Andre Simon U. I don't really, I don't know how to. So it's Simon with an E-A-U at the end. Simona. Simona. Simona. Simone. It might just be Simon. Here's all the possible pronunciations.

[00:51:39] So Andy was, that's what he was known as and that he presented it. There was an Australian one as well. I think that came after the British one or basically around the same time. Sometimes they even had like the same prank concept, like just like the same, but just completely translated over. I thought the kids came up with the prank concept. Well. Are you telling me they lied to me? We, we'll go over that. So. They only accepted kids that fit to the.

[00:52:10] Here's the stuff we've got in the studio this week. Tell me your prank is related to this. Do you like baking? Yeah. I mean, I've baked a cake. So you like baking then? We could do it in a bakery. That's how it works. Yeah. So the episode starts with, it's very formulaic. So Barney will surprise the child in public. Quote unquote surprise. They know it's going to happen. Of course they do. They had to ask their parents. Of course. Get them out of school. Yeah.

[00:52:38] So the kid will be with their parents like at a market or, you know, shop, whatever, swimming pool. And Barney will pop up in disguise and say. Chrissy. Yeah. Chrissy Gill. Yeah. Did you apply to the prank patrol? Yeah. Congratulations. You've been chosen. Oh, my gosh. How would you like to make your dream prank come true? That's going to be welcome. Yeah, put this on then. You're going to love this. Hiya, Mum. You all right? Hello. Who are you? I'm Barney. I'll talk to you in a minute. Hang on. I've got to show you this first. This is Chrissy's pass to prank.

[00:53:08] Congratulations. That's yours. Mum, give me a hug. I'm going to need her for a couple of hours. Is that all right? Yes, that's fine. Lovely. Chrissy, there's loads to do. Oh, wicked. Follow me. See you in a bit, Mum. See you, baby. Give them their badge. It's like a police badge. Then he'll say to the parent, do you mind if I take her for a few hours? And the parent's like, yeah. Yeah. Who are you?

[00:53:34] And then he will say to the mum or dad, dad, give me an eye five. Or mum, give me a hug. And there's a... Because you can't hug your dad. And you can't hug your mum. No, no, no, no. Of course you can't. And there's a kiss sound effect for both those options. Every time. Yeah. It goes like that. It is... Yeah, it's laden with sound effects, this show. You could learn a lot from it. Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to do that. What, learn?

[00:54:02] You never learn, have you? No, I'm not putting sound effects on this show. Then they will sit in the prank van. And they will... Hey, Dad. Can I shake your kid to the van that's over there? I promise. With these two men in balaclavas. It's all fine. Look, I've got a badge. Barney was a purple van man. Jesus. So they will talk through the prank.

[00:54:29] And the thing that struck me that didn't strike me when I was, what, eight or nine, is that it's so heavily scripted. They know what's going to happen in the episode. But you've got this scene between Barney and the kid. And they're like... Okay, so we need to find out a bit more about it first. So what sort of stuff do you do together? We like netball. And we also like kayaking. There's an opportunity there, isn't there? How about if you're out there in the kayaks doing your usual games, you know, with your paddles and everything, and then something scary comes out of the water?

[00:54:58] She could be scared by a monster. A monster? A water monster? Loch Ness Monster. The Loch Ness Monster's good. That's the right thought, definitely. I'm not too sure whether we can actually get the Loch Ness Monster, because he's very busy, what, with tourists and everything in Scotland. So we could make one. Big scary tea. Really big eyes. Yeah, a huge fin down the back as well at Spike. Oh, I'm loving it. But how are we going to get you and Kira onto a river or a lake in kayaks? Well, we could, like, say that the local newspaper was coming down,

[00:55:26] take a few photos and ask a few questions. Or we could say that we're doing a promotional video. I could present it. Yeah, that sounds great. Yeah, I could present it, because she wouldn't suspect me. She'd think I was there for something else and not prank patrol. Oh, well, what if we do this? And the kid will be like, yeah, and then this can happen. And Barney will be like, oh, I could dress up for that bit, because it always had to have Barney dressing up. So that bit will be... And loved a costume. Oh, he loved a costume. In one of them, he's actually dressed up as a bride. And doesn't he look beautiful?

[00:55:55] In the bakery one. Yeah. Where you can't see his face. He's got a veil over it. And I'm actually kind of into it. By panic. I know. No, not at all. By joy. Yeah. I mean, they didn't need to make him up so beautifully, because the veil's over his face. But like, they really do. I like how they put lip gloss on him. I know, they really do. And that eyeliner goes into the makeup studio that day.

[00:56:23] He's like, do me the full shebang today. I want it. I'm getting married. You're going to be a woman today. And what a beautiful woman he makes. What a beautiful bride. So yeah, they'll talk through the prank. Then he'll take them to Prank HQ. They'll say, ninjas, take us to Prank HQ. Hi, Rachel. I'll just put the clip in. I'll leave that for future.

[00:56:50] They'll say, ninjas, take us to Prank HQ. This is Steve. Hiya. Hi. This is the part where we talk about the design, because Steve, of course, is head of the design department. So Maisie, tell him what you need. We need a fortune teller. Machine? Yeah. Fantastic. What did Jonathan say? This is his research. We've picked three, haven't we? Yeah. The gypsy one. There's one that he said was quite famous, was the Turkish guy. And there's another one there as well, which is just sort of the same sort of theme. But what do you think? Well, there's some good things we can use.

[00:57:18] I think initially we build a nice solid oak frame to it. Some fancy molding down the side of it. Gold leaf it. Age it down. Stain it. Maybe Maisie could give us a hand. Yeah. Okay. And once you've built that, we then need to get Daz to make me up to look like this. Don't think so. You don't think so? Why not? I think that's pretty... Oh, ninjas. It keeps throwing my pictures around. So they meet the specialists in Prank HQ. So it'll be a different crew of people depending on what they need.

[00:57:45] So someone who can make a prosthetic sea monster or someone who can write a rap or like just whatever they need. That's what they'll have. And they'll show the kid preparing, you know, helping out. Making decisions that have already been made for them. Exactly that.

[00:58:39] The blueprint for Maisie's prank is sibling. Sibling. Yeah. To make sure... I didn't catch any episodes where an adult was pranked. Were there adult ones? I think there was just one. Okay. Yeah, there's one in a... Where a girl pranks her dad in a Chinese restaurant. And as it turns out, like a... As a kid, I thought, oh, this is really funny. She's pranking her dad. But what they're saying bothers her dad as an adult. I'm like, oh, her dad's a cunt. Like, her dad's a dickhead. Really? They're like...

[00:59:08] So they're in this Chinese restaurant and they have this table that's like being really rowdy. And they're like, yeah, that'll really get him because he hates rowdy people. And he is being very polite about it. But like... Well, like... He hates it when people are having fun. That's how it feels. And it's like... But when it was happening... Might be a bit of a bellend. When it was happening to him, he was very polite about the whole thing. Like, the waiter... Actually, it's Rob Hallam. The waiter has a really bad wind problem.

[00:59:37] And this dad is like... That is true, actually. This dad calls over another waiter and says, is he okay? Oh, okay. And when his, like, soup is, like, insanely salty, the waiter says, like... So the prank was just let the dad have a bad time in a restaurant. Yeah, and then the duck starts moving. What would have been great is if they somehow got a bull in there. Yeah, the soup's really salty and the waiter says, oh, we've given out loads and it's okay. And the dad's like, oh, maybe it's just me then.

[01:00:07] It's like he was actually taking it really, really well. But yeah, they sit and they make a call to whoever they're pranking to make sure they're going to be at the place. And it's always absolutely fine. Like, oh yeah, we're still doing this tomorrow. Yeah, can't wait. And then the phone will ring off and Barney will go, oh, thank God for that. You handled that really well. Yeah. OK, David, this is quite possibly the most nerve-wracking part of the show. This is where you call Max,

[01:00:36] OK, and get him involved in this prank. Now, what does he think's happening so far? Um, he thinks that he's coming over to play at nine tonight. So what are you going to say to him now? Um, I'm going to say, like saying, instead of going to my, he's coming here. OK. You ready for this? Yeah. We're now calling. It's David. It's Max there.

[01:01:06] Max, it's David. I've been invited to this campsite, OK, and, and it's something to do with rescue dogs and it sounds really fun. Do you want to come? OK, well, it's at, and, and my mum's going to pick you up, take you there, OK, so I'll see you later this afternoon. Well done, mate. Well done.

[01:01:36] How do you feel? Good. Good. You were amazing on that call. And then the prank happens and that's like the best part of the episode. Like the first half is honestly, I personally think quite boring. The hidden camera stuff is really fun. What I need to do is you're going to be the snake. That's what we like to see. OK, how about we get them to walk like crabs? You're going to be the crab and you're going to be the bird, yeah? As the snake. Right. Look at this.

[01:02:05] Even though Ash is telling them to do all these strange things, they're still buying it. On the floor here, as a snake. Right. Sometimes the big, you know, finale bit happens, like the bit where the kid is surprised or scared or like just the big jump scare bit. And I get the feeling that sometimes their reaction is not really what the producers wanted. Like it wasn't like quite big enough. Right. I fucking love the video game one because the, should I? The video game episode. Yeah. Should I introduce the premise

[01:02:34] or just say what I was going to say? Yeah, no, do it. The premise? Yeah. So it's a brother pranking his little brother. Right. And they like, the little brother really loves video games. So he wants to prank him video game style. So they have a, what's essentially a VR mocap setup. But what they're going to do is have the video game character that the mocap suit is controlling burst through the wall in Rebellion because he's,

[01:03:02] as a way to like reset the character, they make him hit himself. Like they make the kid hit himself in the face. It's really funny and really cool. Yeah. We've got a reboot. In order to reboot, you need to just bring your hand to your face and slap it slowly. Okay. And now and slap your face. That's it. Do not hit me. Did something happen then? Yeah. It said, do not hit me. What? It said, do not hit me. Try it again.

[01:03:33] try it again. All right. Try it again. Right. Slowly after I say, but maybe, maybe hit yourself a bit harder. It might, it might, it might respond better. And then it's making the video game character hit himself. And then the video game character speaks when no one, when he shouldn't be. So the kid, Jamie. He says, do not hit me. Yeah. He says, do not hit me. And then they get, they hit, they make him hit himself quite a few times and like, oh, can you do it harder please? And then at some point Barney Howard dressed up as this, was it Colonel? Colonel Combat. Colonel Combat burst through the wall

[01:04:03] through the screen and like attack the child, but not really. Yeah. Runs towards the child. He doesn't attack him. What ruins that is that he falls over when he comes through the wall. It would have been better if he hadn't stacked it when he came through the wall. It's like, so Barney Howard comes through the wall. The kid is an incredible reaction. Really good freeze frame of his reaction. You're going to have to slap yourself a bit harder. Is that okay? Ready? Go. Now. Hard.

[01:04:33] Terminate program. Terminate program. Terminate program. Terminate program. Hang on. We're just going to check what's going on. Terminate program. Terminate program. Terminate program. Terminate program. Ah! Ah! Ah! It's crap! Hello, James. You've just been pranked by the prank patrol. Thing is, I'm still a robot. Thanks for Barney.

[01:05:03] Well done, Jo. All right, James. And then Barney Howard gets close to the kid. I assume maybe he thought he'd run away or something because there's a moment where Barney freezes because he doesn't... The kid freezes which makes Barney freeze and he's like, well, what do I do now? Do I hit him? I can't commit violence to a child so he just hugs him. Yeah, he sort of bear hugs him. You can't commit violence to a child. The one that I... The one that I feel the worst about for the person being pranked

[01:05:33] is the one with the, like, the mere monster. Oh, God. That was horrible. So, like, it's like these two girls who have been quote-unquote invited for, like, they're in canoes or kayaks and they're, like, being part of a documentary or something and so, like, and they're on a lake in their boats and the prank is that there's a monster in this lake. Are they at Loch Ness? No. But, like,

[01:06:02] not only, not only is she being pranked, she's in water, like, she's swimming in water and something... Yeah, throughout the whole thing there's, like, sorry to interrupt you, Meg. Go on. No, go for it. They're sort of blasting out sort of rumbling noises and you've got Barney. He's playing a producer, like, it's like they're doing a little feature. He's doing what he's doing now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're doing a feature for kids' TV. Like, I love swimming in my kayak.

[01:06:32] It's safe and fun. Right. And, but the whole, yeah, the whole time they're, like, there's this noise and all the crew are going, no, what is that though? Straight into the camera. Really love the camera. Don't forget, people are going to see this and do what you've told them to do if they get into trouble. So straight into the lens. Action. When you capsize, it's important to stay calm. Yes. Seriously, listen, listen, listen. It's fine, it's fine. No, ignore that, please. Carry on. I'm not joking now. How are you feeling?

[01:07:01] This isn't funny anymore. It's fine. It's fine. No, no, it's fine. Yeah, it's freaking me out. Right. Keira, ignore Barney. Barney, I'm not using you again. Okay. We're ready for the next piece of the camera. You look straight in the lens. Looking great, looking really, really good. I love being in the water with my canoe. It's fun and safe. And this little girl is, so usually they have, like, why do you want to prank this person? They're like, oh, they're always picking on me. They're always pranking me. I want to get them back. This friend said, well, I just happen to know

[01:07:31] that she scares really easily. Yeah. So it'll make good telly. Yeah, not even like she's getting her back for something, just like she saw an opportunity and thought this would be very funny. She's skittish like a horse. I would take it a lot better if you'd said, this is, Meg, this is for everything you've done to us. But if you said you jump easily, I'd kill myself. Like, what? Nothing. I'm just an easy target. Great.

[01:08:00] So this little girl is like in the water in her life jacket and Rob Hallam is saying like, okay, I just want to say, I just want you to say that line again. Like he stood on shore, right? Shouting over to her like, I want you to big smile on your face. I love swimming. It's safe and fun. And the creature from the Black Lagoon comes out the water. In between takes, bless her, she's like looking around and she's like, you can tell she's really on edge. And then the monster comes out and instead of being able to run away,

[01:08:29] she has the best reaction of all of them. She screams and then she has to swim away. I love being in the water with my canoe. It's fun and safe. Whoa, whoa, what's that? What's that? What's that? Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out.

[01:09:02] Hey, Kira, I think we know what happened there. Yeah. Do you want to tell her, Alice? Give her a round of applause, everyone. And it's like this poor girl. See, if I had been on it as a kid, my, for actually, I guess under the age of like 15, this wasn't so much of a problem, but from like age 15 to a few years ago, my response to being scared was violence. Yep. I've been hit from making her jump. Yeah. Like,

[01:09:31] so if something came out of the water to scare me, I would punch them in the face. No, but she wasn't close enough. Oh, okay. Fair enough. It was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Talk to me more about Holly. Well, Holly is my best mate and I want to prank her because when she's not pranking me, she's pranking a mum and I just think that's wrong because you need to respect your mum, I like. Really? Yeah. I remember watching it when I was a kid. My mum walked in

[01:10:01] and it was the bakery episode and, oh, was it her or was it my dad? A parent. A parent said, this is mean and that's, I specifically sought out that episode just to see if it was and it kind of is. Well, the thing is, if it had been someone who'd taken it worse, it would have been mean but in, specifically in the bakery episode, so it's like, it's set up that like, these two friends are kind of doing

[01:10:29] almost like work experience in a bakery and it's set up so everything goes wrong and it's like. And they're making it, so the friend is blaming everything on the girl he's pranking. Oh, that's a bit mean. And, yeah, basically. but the thing is, she doesn't give a fuck. She's laughing the whole time and like, he's trying to blame it on her and he's like, oh, she dared me to do it and she's like, no I didn't. He's like,

[01:10:59] no I didn't. It's like that at first and then towards the end, like, the thing that sells it is that, I think it is Rob Hallam again, is a worker at this bakery. A baker. A baker, yes. That's what they're called. And he keeps saying to these kids, oh, that flower was so expensive. Oh, they're going to be so upset. Oh, we're going to be so behind. Look, sorry, I didn't mean to get angry. I'm just, I'm under a lot of pressure and it's, it's quite sad to watch actually

[01:11:29] because the prank is make this girl think that she's in trouble. Right. The main thing is that flower, it was a thousand pounds a bag and you've got about 300 quid on your face and it's supposed to be in the cake. Touch nothing and do exactly as I say from now on. Come on guys, let's do it. We'll do a good job. What's happened? What's happened here? No, how long did you put the oven on for?

[01:12:02] What's? Sorry, I didn't put it in. Who put, oh, Holly. You told me to press the temperature. I know, but you're supposed to see if the, I thought you said you worked at your dad's oven. Oh, no. Oh, that's for the special order that's been made with the, with the Canadian flower. Oh, you smell that. Oh, I don't like burnt. You don't like burnt? I don't like it. My customers. Oh, I said just, oh guys, this is turning out so bad. No, but the thing is,

[01:12:32] she doesn't really care. I know. That's the thing. Like if it had been, she knows she actually isn't really at fault. If it had been me, it would have been mean, but she is there. She doesn't look distraught about it. She's just kind of like bemused by the whole thing. There's a bit where the two of, well, no, um, the boy, I can't remember what his name is, but he goes over to these like, open, Ollie, he was called. open sacks of flour. And one of them is like, the, there's like a contraption in it

[01:13:01] that puffs flour in his face. And he like turns around and the guy comes around the corner and he's like, in his little Welsh accent, he's like, what happened here? That was terrible. His little American accent. What happened here then? There we go. And, um, he says, oh, she dared me to do it. And she's like, no, I didn't. No, I didn't, Ollie. Yeah. And, and he's like, he says, what are you doing? That's a thousand pounds a bag. Please do it,

[01:13:30] Elsie. That's a thousand pounds a bag. A thousand pounds? Too many pounds. Which is the funniest joke in the whole thing. We were watching it with, with friend of the pod, Jasmine, and Jasmine goes, cocaine joke right there. No. Which I hadn't actually picked up on. And he's like, they'll, they'll take it out of my wages. I've got a family to feed or something like that. Oh, my, my kids already eat now. Well, that's a slight exaggeration, but it was supposed to last us all night that. It's like, um, if you put it into smaller bags and stuff,

[01:14:00] it's a thousand. What, bruvie, what kind of bakery are you running? Jazz actually said, Jazz, if you don't remember, um, she did our, my parents are aliens episode and our bootleg episode. Go back and listen. They're two really good ones. And she said, as we were watching. If you hate me and Meg, they're great. She said, as we were watching, I'm going to say something that is so funny and so insightful that you're going to have to quote it on your show. And we said, Oh, what's that jazz? And she said, I don't know yet, but I've got to. And then Meg said, and if you don't,

[01:14:30] we'll just quote that. So jazz, you've won either way. You've been quoted. We were having a discussion earlier. Cause I, you said that you asked Jasmine and Elsie how, cause the video game has said they're siblings, several of them, they're siblings, right? Like you were saying, how would you feel if your brother did that to you? And I do think it depends. Cause if the bakery one, if Sean had done that to me, I would be fucking fuming. That one, I'd be really angry. But if it was the video game one, I'd be quite made up. That looks like a really fun afternoon. Like, I don't care that it was a prank.

[01:15:00] That would be so fun. I don't know. Like if you grew up with siblings, I feel like you're better at giving and taking just banter. Yeah. I said, I said to you, I was like, the moral lines I have within me are really strong for a lot of people, but not your brother, not my brother. And yeah. So I, I've been asking just people, like, how would you feel if your sibling did this to you? Because I, I obviously don't have that. Like I don't have, if this happened to me, it would be a friend doing it to me.

[01:15:29] And I think I'd be fuming about it. Like, I actually think I'd be steaming with rage if one of you did that to me because it's on fucking video forever. Yeah. Like, well, not necessarily forever. We've covered a lot of lost media. No, like genuinely depending on what it was, like, um, maybe the restaurant one, if that happened to me now, quite funny. Yeah. But the one where I'm in trouble. Yeah. No, no, I'd be so upset.

[01:15:58] The lake monster one. I wouldn't be angry. The bakery one. I would be angry. The restaurant one. I don't know if that would work on me, if I'm honest. The thing is, some of these, before the actual event, it's a really good day out for some of the kids. Like there's one where, yeah, like being in a documentary. And there's one where two, you know, the kid has signed him and his friend up.

[01:16:28] That's the cover to clean a warehouse. And it's grim. And the, the payoff is that there's, they recognize gold. They recognize that someone's been doing experiments and there's a giant spider and it's Barney in a costume and he jumps out at them. Right. That'd be a great one to pull on my brother. But what a shit day beforehand. Yeah. Sean would be like, why the fuck are we, what do you mean we've signed up? Charity, Sean. We're here to do some charity. Charity. There's one where, um,

[01:16:57] it's a girl and she's pranking her friend. And I actually think they're such cute little friends. Um, but she takes him to like, it's like my, Oh, I know. Yeah. Like my mum's or my dad's friend has got this like games warehouse and like old arcade games. Yeah. And they said, like said we can go and play in it. That's cool. And the way they prank him is with one of those like fortune teller machines. Oh, sick. And Barney's dressed up in Turkish. Yeah. Well, he's white though.

[01:17:26] He's just got this, he's got like a turban and a mustache. Yeah. Well, he's just like, like one of those fortune teller machines. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the fortune, like she is given an excuse to leave the room and she's feeding information to Barney about, he's like saying, when's my birthday? And she's feeding that information back. And, uh, eventually like he says to him, like come up to the glass and put your hands on the glass. And Barney's like,

[01:17:56] hands come through the holes of the machine and grab him. That. They don't grab him, but. That, that would have scared the fucking shit out of me. Yeah. That would have shit me up. I absolutely love a good spook. That would have been amazing. But also the mum just leaves him alone with this stranger, don't they? And it's like, it wouldn't happen. Well, the. It might be. It shouldn't. The fortune teller, like you ask it three questions and at the end of each of the three questions,

[01:18:26] you get given a card. Oh yeah. I forgot that part. And the boy gets like a jinx card and the guy showing them around says, I've literally never seen one of these. Yeah. He's, I've never seen him give one of those before. And then they play a few games and each machine that the boy plays on. Fucks it up. Explodes. Oh my God. A safe little explosion, but still like, he's probably thinking that he's cursed. Right. And then the hands thing happens. that's great. I actually, that would be so fun. It is one of the better ones in my opinion. Like it's,

[01:18:55] it's like just scary enough that it's cool, but like just safe. And like the one in the water would piss me off so much. Like you've got to be in a kayak. I'm in a lake, a place I'd never want to be. And a monster comes out of the, no. Well, the nice thing about that episode is that the girl's in a wheelchair and her hero is Adia Deputon. And I, I guess the BBC didn't have to do this, but they thought, Oh, we will.

[01:19:24] Cause we're the BBC before the prank. They show her a little video message that he's recorded for her, which is really sweet. And that's how they get her out of the room because I didn't get the boy on his own because the mum's taken her for a toilet break. He was massive on the CBBC when I was a kid as well. I remember him so vividly. Like I think he was in, uh, was he in Ka-ching or something? He was definitely in a TV show. Was he in Ka-ching? I don't know. Our listeners will know. You've got him up on Google. Yeah.

[01:19:53] Our listeners will know. No, he was in Exchange, which is a different show, but I, similar. Yeah. He, he was, he was around. He, yeah, he was. And he was, he was on loads of stuff and I really liked the guy. Yeah, me too. What a nice guy. It wasn't just CBBC as well. He was like a sports presenter, right? I mean, he's an athlete. Yeah. So while Steve cracks on building the fortune teller's case and we make our way to find Darren, here's a prank you can play on your friends at home.

[01:20:23] Recipe for a prank. Funny food. Some food can be entertaining to something. Now you can make it fun for everyone with today's recipe. Just get yourself a plastic ketchup bottle, some diet cola and a mint. Fill your ketchup bottle almost to the top of the cola and tape a mint to the inside of the lid. Something that I completely forgotten about until I started rewatching it a few days ago

[01:20:52] was the animated segment. And when it came on screen, I mean, it all came back like so, so quickly. I was like, oh my God, this is just opened up the floodgates. They're like little at home pranks that you can do. And. Oh yes. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And one of them that I really, really remembered was, um, cause they came on screen and I said to you and Jack, it was called recipe for a prank. Yeah. And I was like, if you showed me this animation, I'd recognize it,

[01:21:22] but I wouldn't be able to place it without. Yes. It'd be like, I'd be like, oh, I remember that. Like I remember the little characters. Yeah. But I don't know what it's from. And I said, there's one I really remember. And it's, um, teaching you. It's like a, um, do your, does your dad eat all your Halloween sweets? And it's like, put razors in them. Um, and it's like, instead of apples, when you're making toffee apples, use onions.

[01:21:52] As if we're an apple. Keep the apples for yourself and they'll learn a valuable lesson. And I was like, and then it came up and I was like, I knew it was real. I knew it. I saw a real the other day that was, it was a microbiologist talking about which foods they will never eat. And one of them was toffee apples because the stick in it is, uh, and the way it is stuck into the apple is a absolute breeding ground for. Yeah. But if you make them at home. Yeah. No. Yeah. Which I have done. Uh,

[01:22:21] absolute breeding ground for microbial organisms to. I have a really vivid memory of trying to make them at home with my dad. And. Toffee or chocolate? Toffee. Fuck a chocolate. No. Yeah. I agree. It's just one is more dangerous. Um, and. And one's so much easier. Yeah. Trying to make them red. And literally every single time we put the red food coloring in, burn the sugar and our apples would be black.

[01:22:50] Perfect for Halloween though. They were rancid. Rancid. They were. So I remember making them, um, going through a phase of really liking them and you make them just by like heating some sugar and water up in the microwave and just coating an apple in it. And not bothering to color it because what's the point? I know that like you have a vision of them and they're red, right? We have red ones in the UK, but. I mean. It burns every single time and they were just red. They were black every single time.

[01:23:19] An apple is red. Clear is fine. Yeah. I get that. I get that. Clear is fine. Cause you can see the apple. Yeah. Um, before you go on, there are two episodes I really want to briefly talk about. Sorry. An early episode, um, a kid pranks his two younger brothers and in hindsight, they were probably too young. So. How old are we speaking? Like maybe seven and five. When Bill jumped about four foot in the air, when the shelf went and everything fell on the floor. Um, I think that was,

[01:23:49] that was really good. He looked at it and then it just fell. And then, uh, Josh blamed George. Gob smacked with her. Yeah. Gob smacked. I was really shocked. I thought it was brilliant. And it was about time he got his own back on his brother's revenge. Five sounds a bit younger. Seven seems fun. Yeah. The little kid doesn't seem to know what's going on actually, to be fair. But, um, he, the prank is that he's done some art at school and it's been picked up to be sold at an auction.

[01:24:17] And the prank is that they watch, their brother sell a painting, like a really naff painting that they made in prank HQ. It was more of a collage. It's shit. Very decoding. And it sells for thousands. And then they're, cause they're like special guests at the auction house. They get taken into the back and they make it seem as if the little brothers have like smashed all this pottery. And the woman that's showing them around comes in and goes, boys,

[01:24:46] how are you going to pay for this? Yes. And it's just fucking mean. That, that would be one that I would not jive with as a kid. I'd be so panicked because it's like, yeah, so many times when you're a kid, you do say stuff and like people just don't believe you. Like I didn't do it. And they're like, well, it looks like you did. So you're lying. So it's like, if you were in a situation where it's like thousands of pounds in a riz. Yeah. No, we're talking about like an eight year old boy. Yeah. That she's saying this to. It's like, how can you bring yourself to say that?

[01:25:15] Like I know she's acting, but God, like they don't look happy. And another one is a kid who wants to prank his three cousins. And they're all, I think pretty much the same age and they're in the same class at school. And he wants to make them think that he has recently become like a world-class, like God, a world-class God, a rap star. Okay. And you're just thinking like,

[01:25:45] it's a great idea. Like the idea is his cousins are going to be surprised that he's a famous rap artist. And they're going to put the cousins in the music video and they get to, they get to go to the studio in a limo. And it like, seems like a great day out for them. And then the idea is they make them look like idiots in the video. Like they dress them up stupid. They make them do stupid things. They get one to slither on the floor. Again, another day that just sounds fun. It actually kind of does.

[01:26:15] Action. What kind of pop video are we making here, Ash? Still, it looks like they're buying it, eh? Great stuff. Hang on. I've had an idea actually. Can you, you know, when you're moving, can you just go, cause the snake's going to go hiss in the song. So if you can say hiss, if you can go yo hiss, I want to add tweet, tweet in the background as the bird. And I want you to be going snap, snap as the, as the crab. So as your foot goes down, snap, snap, snap, snap. Yeah. You ready?

[01:26:45] Matt, can we have the music? Yeah. Okay. You ready? On my, on my cue. Action. And at the beginning, it's like, oh, this is a great idea. But in the back of your mind, you're thinking, I'm going to have to watch Barney Harwood attempt to rap here at some point. I'm actually going to have to watch that. And we do. And the,

[01:27:12] the guy that they've brought in to like create the rap. Can you remember any of the rap that you did? My money don't jiggle jiggle. It falls. Like the kid and this guy are actually really funny. Like they're, they're sat next to each other and they're creating the rap. And Barney sat there as well. And he puts on this for want of a better word, like urban accent. And he's like,

[01:27:42] like improvising this rap. And the, the guy, the expert says to the kid, do you know this guy? Kids like, no. And then he says to Barney, this little kid, this like 10 year old says to Barney, um, you can stay if you want though. Watch us do it. I was like, that's so fucking brutal. But yeah, you, Barney doesn't do any of the hard work in that episode. Like the guy that's like picking out all the outfits is like, so what do you want? Do you want like a sort of Dr. Dre kind of camouflage thing?

[01:28:12] Or do you want like, this is more like Tupac style M&Ms into the plain white teeth. Like sorting it out. Barney stood at the side. Men's clothes, camo, plain white tees, and underwear visible above jeans. Men's clothes. Remember the plain white tees? Hey there, Delilah. Welcome to Mystery was there. Oh, it was such a good song. I don't know it. They had good songs. Yeah, it was a, pause it. Well, we just listened to it. Great song. Great song. Yeah,

[01:28:41] they do have good songs. Well done, plain white tees. Hey there, Delilah's awful. Well, as Laura pointed out. Long distance nuisance song. Yeah. White, white bands. White, white men in the 2000s just writing long distance nuisance music. I think men are so weird. You know, I, when I was a teenager, I was really into Walk the Moon and they have, the first song I ever heard by them

[01:29:11] is called Anna's Son. You might know it. It wasn't even Shut Up and Dance. No. Oh, she's different. I was way before then. Yeah. And, I knew them before they were cool. I'm pretty sure. Don't quote me. I knew them before they were uncool. I, I'm pretty sure, don't quote me on this, but, the Anna's Son is just about, it's not even really about a woman. It's just one of them had, I think, a professor at uni whose name was Anna's son and they were like, that's a good name. It is, yeah, that's fair.

[01:29:40] It's a great name, to be fair. But I was like, you didn't even really know her. Isn't it like Eleanor Rigby's like, a name off a gravestone or something? No, they wrote it. Um, and then, it was discovered later that a graveyard near where they all grew up just coincidentally has a very similar name on it. They might have seen it. yeah. They might have just absorbed it. Yeah, absorbed it. Well, because it's like, Beatrix Potter, most of the characters from her books are all from a graveyard nearby.

[01:30:10] She's walked through it. Yeah, yeah. Not Jemima Puddleduck. I don't know if the full names were, because who the fuck is named Jemima Puddleduck, right? Miss Tikiwinkle. A goose. Ew. But I think, yeah. A duck in a bonnet, obviously. I think like she would. is she a duck? I think so, yeah. Is she one of those like. Hang on, Jemima Puddleduck, yes. Oh yeah, no, she's one of those like long neck, they upright. The upright dolls. The white ones with the yellow feet, yeah. Yeah. No, but no, not even that. The ones that are like upright. Right.

[01:30:40] I can't remember what they're called. And when you see them in real life, it's like, oh my God, they're real, they exist. Do you remember York Uni had a duck that was called Long Boy? They did. And he died. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have a friend that had a duck. I say had because this was a long time ago. I don't know if that duck's still with us because this was years ago. They had a duck in their garden called Thomasina, which is just a wonderful name for a duck. Yeah. Fuck him. All right. Well, I won't.

[01:31:10] Fuck you and your duck mate. I won't leave that in or I will if you want. Do you care? No. You don't care? No. I'll leave it in. Can I guess who it was? Yep. No. No. No. Fuck. All right. I'm bleeping all this. I've been burned by him way more recently. That's fair. Who are the men you know? I could name four. Who are you? Who can you name? It's quite a lot of men. My own boyfriend. Eleventh on the list. Yeah,

[01:31:39] the men I know are your family. Two children I've never met. None of this is making it. And your new dog. Cosmo. Cosmo. The best boy. The best boy. The best boy. Like, best boy. I'm excited because I want to see the reaction on my friend's face and things and all that. And what, they're going to be,

[01:32:08] are they going to be scared? Or are they going to be laughing? Or anything?

[01:32:40] So is it going to go well or not? You have been so mean to your legs recently. Mean to my legs? Like, your whole lower body from thigh down, you've been, you've been harsh to it. Anyway. You've got a horrendous blister. And I, you fucked one of your ankles. Now your knees. I'm just fucked in general. All that to say, the only black kid I saw on Prank Patrol,

[01:33:06] it was an episode where he was a rapper and we had to see Barney Hartwood trying to take part. So, yeah. I actually think it's good to point out a lack of diversity in children's TV shows in the 2000s. The targets of Shallon's prank are his three cousins, Malisha, Khalil, and Lakeisha. This trio have known Shallon since birth, which means they've had years to perfect the art of annoying him. Well,

[01:33:35] now it's his turn to get his own back. So I take it this is where Prank Patrol comes in? Yep. Okay, well before we talk about the prank and what we're going to do, tell me about yourself. I have a football team called Huff End. Is your football team called Huff End? Because by the end of the game, you're that tired, you will go, Huff. No. Okay. Well, so I have generally, not this one, this one's fine because it's, you know, there's a level of standardized and guidelines and stuff because it's on telly and involving kids and you have to get parents permission, all of that.

[01:34:05] But I have such an issue with most prank media, especially the era of YouTube pranks. Like, they were horrible. Do you remember them? Yeah. It's like almost like 10 years ago now. And it was just people being shit in public, people being horrible on the street to random people. I think that that might have extended to TikTok now. Yes, I think you're right. Well, actually, we've not spoken about that. The ninjas did that.

[01:34:33] There was a segment where the ninjas would be out in public and they would be playing pranks on the general public of Manchester in the city centre. It was things like... Well, the ones I saw, it was like you had to, you had to go up and decide to be included. Well, It was like a table full of stacked cans of Coke and you'd go up to it and take one, but the table would collapse. It wouldn't be accosted by fucking TikTokers. Yeah. Yeah. And that, you know,

[01:35:02] or there would be like a vase of flowers and there'll be a sign saying sweetest smelling flowers ever. And you, you know, you, the public... Was it the tree that smelled like cum? It was... Yes, on CBBC. Yes, yes, it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, that's what it was. There's a tree that smells like cum. Genuinely, there's a species of tree. Pray tell Laura, what does cum smell like? I think it smells a bit like glue. I have never come across this tree. Well, but like,

[01:35:31] but like really strong, like it's like pungent glue. Yeah. Are we leaving that in? I think so. And the next special we do could be piss shit. Cheers. Bomb in. Cheers. No, it was sour milk they put in the vase. Ah, horrible. No, the two ninjas just cummed into a vase. If your cum smells like sour milk. Nice. Go to the clinic.

[01:36:01] Yeah. Anyway, they would invite members of the public to go and smell it. And then the camera would just capture them going, ugh. Yeah. Yeah. That was the segment. Yeah. There was one I saw that was, it was a water gun one where, which they actually featured in the episode, um, where the water gun set up to actually, when you fire it, it just goes backwards into you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're all fairly harmless. Yeah. I mean, it's a kid. It's a kid. The worst that happened to a member of the public is that they got wet.

[01:36:29] Like either an easel would collapse near them and it might have looked a bit like it was them or they got wet. Yeah. With water. Do you know what the, the most jarring thing about watching those, um, segments were? Was seeing words in the background. No, it was seeing how different British high streets used to be. Yeah. Well, it was Manchester city centre. Some of them weren't though, were they? Or like there were, there were bits in some of the pranks and like the rest of the show where you would see, um,

[01:36:59] a high street. There's one bit, I don't remember what episode it's in, where they're on a high street and the shop behind them is closing. And I was like, oh my God, it's tight that early. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's horrible. It's gutty. But then you have like two on YouTube. I remember a lot of these, the like couples pranks ones where it's just couples being fucking mean to each other. And it's like, cause it got to such a level where it's like. It kind of like the dark side of like family vlogging. Yeah. And it's like, oh yeah, fucking, I can't remember what they're called.

[01:37:29] That ones that like they had their kids taken off of them. Oh God, it's a whole other podcast and I don't think it was just them. No. Yeah, that's true. But they're the ones I remember because they stick out, uh, because they, they would prank, prank, inverted quotations, prank, the youngest one repeatedly. Be mean to. It's literally just them being cruel. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, because there's only so, you have to put time and investment behind like a prank being good. Right. If you want to do it on certain scales.

[01:37:54] So it's like what it evolves into or devolves into is just being mean and cruel to either your significant other, your family or random people on the street. Not to be really millennial, but I am really into that, um, Instagram account of the couple who, um, hang balloons filled with like paint and, it's paint, it's probably not paint, it's probably like a flower and water around the house and they shoot them with like a, uh, the confetti cannon people?

[01:38:24] Yeah, yeah, they shoot them with like, um, nerf guns as people are coming around the corner and it like. The confetti couple are a different couple. They just will at any contrived scenario. I think it's all genuine. It seems all genuine, but like various scenarios where they set it up. So the, the wife or husband is looking away and then they shoot them with a confetti cannon. And I think it's millennial fun, but I do enjoy it. That one's innocent enough. And it's an agreed upon. They do it to each other.

[01:38:54] So it's fine. Well, it's like they, they, they absolutely have agreed to do it. It's a, it's an agreed upon like war. Yeah. I was trying to think of a way to say that other than war and I couldn't, but it's yeah. Honestly, something that I'm looking forward to is I think in the next sort of 10 years, children that have been the subject of memes will be old enough to take out very high profile lawsuits. I think we're just going to see like, maybe in 10 years time, we'll see an influx of like, you know,

[01:39:23] family vloggers. Children suing their parents and putting them on the internet. Yeah. Like, you know, mean faces that we know. Yeah. And it's going to be heavily covered by the media naturally because of this. And I personally, I look forward to the drama. I think there's three states in the U S that have now put in legislation about family vlogging. Basically. I can't remember what the actual like legislation is, but it's essentially setting it up. So like you have to have your kids permission and you have to set up a trust from the money

[01:39:53] make up of it because like, you see family vloggers that if you're making money off the kids, they should get some of that money. there was, I can't remember who the family was, but they were living in one state. This legislation came in. They moved. Of course they fucking moved. Yeah. Absolutely horrible vibes. Horrible stuff. And it's like, you very much know you're doing something wrong. If you moved. No, where are you going? Serge, you're not going to duck out of this one. Looks like the game's up.

[01:40:21] Is everything okay here? Everything all right? Dad! Thank you everyone. You've all done really well. Serge, you have been pranked by the prank patrol, courtesy of your daughter Chrissy.

[01:40:50] You've done really well there Chrissy. I think I'm going to kill you tonight. Would you recommend re-watching it? Yes. I think so. Yes, I would. I find it a lot more, um, I really enjoyed this. I really hate Impractical Jokers. I find it really, uh, To show, not the concept. Punch them in the face worthy. Whereas I find this quite wholesome. What's the other one that is not Impractical Jokers? Oh, God.

[01:41:20] Um, Jackass. I don't think I've ever watched Jackass. Like Jackass? Jackass. It's not pranks though. It's them hurting themselves. Yeah, I suppose. Well, no, it's like public scenarios that people watch and think, whoa, what's going on over there is insane. Because I've only seen some of them because Sean really liked it. And like the one I remember, you're going to both hate this so much, especially you, Elsie. Oh. Oh. It was, they were in their, they were in their own, like the Jackass compound or whatever.

[01:41:49] And they were just trying to give themselves paper cuts between the fingers. Oh, Oh God. Yeah. There's a bit like that in everything, everywhere, all at once. I couldn't watch. Do you remember? Yeah. The thing, the thing is though, these, the prank patrol scenarios aren't really public. So you wouldn't be, apart from, of the actual really public bit. Oh, where it gets televised. The actual pranks, you would never, I mean, they're all in very, very, very controlled situation. exactly. Yeah. No, I think I, I really, I'll be honest.

[01:42:18] I tuned out in the first half. I watched with great interest in the hidden camera bit. Something that I did enjoy about the first half though, was a whole crew of people and experts rallying around a child to give them a really good day of helping them plan something. I found it very wholesome. Awesome. Everyone involved clearly was really enjoying what they were doing.

[01:42:44] It was lovely to watch Barney Howard anchoring it and like embodying that spirit. Just lovely. When I, when I think back now and I know everything I know about everything he was doing with the rest of his week and how he was slowly poisoning his body. I'm watching him and I'm thinking, you look, you look alert and awake and you are a consummate professional. Yeah. And I'm so, so impressed. He's just a, he's just an icon. He's a lovely man.

[01:43:14] In nothing we've seen him in, have I thought, oh, he looks tired. At no point. He always looks totally, it might be again, 480p, but you know, but like, he always looks like he's had a full night's rest. Yeah. He does. I mean, that's, that's BBC makeup for you. I will say there's someone who hasn't, who hadn't watched it before this. If you want to watch it, the episodes we mentioned are probably the, some of the best ones. And then if you like it, continue watching, but I don't think it's, oh, I'm going to watch the whole shebang. Oh God. No, I don't want to do that.

[01:43:44] It is. The thing is, if you, I don't know if it's worth watching, if you've never seen it before, but if you did watch it as a kid, I was watching it like, I must have watched the fuck out of this because I, I couldn't quote them. Yeah. It was really nostalgic for me. Yeah. It really opened up the floodgates in my memory. Yes. Like I'd forgotten so much. And then I was like, oh yeah, that happened. So if you watched it and enjoyed it as a kid, it's worth revisiting.

[01:44:11] That's what Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney did for me yesterday. Oh yeah. Yeah. Laura was a Jesse McCartney fan. And I was like 10 years old. She said between the ages of nine and 11, I thought she was so beautiful. Like obsessed with the music videos. It was like, whereas I, who is, who is he? Yeah. I didn't know either. He has one music video that's in black and white. She's actually blushing. So much. I don't, I don't look back on it. She's like banning herself. Like.

[01:44:40] I don't look back on this with anything except shame. I mean. Oh no, I think it's cute. I mean, I said to Laura yesterday, I empathize because I'm also in love with the McCartneys. And then. Stella. Linda. Yeah. You all love Linda. Oh, Linda. To the table there. Carry it over. It's fine. It's a work of art. It's fine. It's fine.

[01:45:20] It's okay. It's this, we can keep this. Oh no. I can't believe what's happened tonight. It's us so wrong. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I've got nothing to say. I have. Holly, you've just been pranked by the prank patrol. You do. Oh, big news. Our next episode. Laura knows it.

[01:45:52] Storymakers. I'm excited to see this, the travel journal kind of thing. Yeah, me too. I'm actually jazzed for that. Yeah. I, cause I really thought, oh, he's disappeared. He's done his time. He clearly wants to be private. Living off residuals. Yeah. Like he clearly wants to be private now. That's why that we don't really know that much about him. He was connected only to children's TV. And so he probably has to be private for that reason. I had no idea that there were big things in the work and he just,

[01:46:22] what no one was bothering to, what no one was bothering to ask. It's nice to know that he's taken his time away and he's like, I just want to do the things that stuck out from all that time that I really enjoyed and really cared about, which is the documentary stuff. I thought that I think that's awesome. I sort of wish I had his life. Like I wish I'd grafted enough in my twenties that I could spend my forties doing whatever the fuck I wanted. I will say our early twenties were dashed to some extent by COVID. Like the fact that we're all 26 when it feels like we should be 24 because two years were sacrificed. Yeah. It's weird, isn't it?

[01:46:51] Because you can attribute like your mental state and your financial state and like where you are in your career to that. But my biological clock has no idea that COVID happened. And it's like, have a baby. Oh, I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I looked, I looked in the bathroom mirror the other day and I genuinely, I genuinely thought, God, she looks good for 40. Oh, well, if you look like this when you're 40, hot damn. Well, I hope so. Hot damn girl.

[01:47:22] Here's hoping. I'd pay good money to look like that when I'm 40. Some people think. And I might actually, by the time I'm 40, be paying good money. Elsie uses sun cream all the time. She's a good girl. No, she came into the living room yesterday morning. Oh, I was furious. She was like, I hate how my face looks today. And this is from doing what I'm told to do every day. Yeah. I'm breaking out. I'm wearing like genuine, like good sun cream. Like, you know, Australian high end. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[01:47:51] I'm, I wore it three days in a row and it made me break out. Did you, cause I was complaining about this to Meg in summer last year. Did you wash your face at the end of the day to get it off? I always, I, you know how I feel about. What do you think she does? Right. So me and Laura brush our teeth together and go to bed. Elsie locks the door of the bathroom and she's in there for 20 minutes. What do you think she's doing in there? That's a fair point. I'm really funny about, I hate having things on my face. I wash it thoroughly every night long. That's just, Meg just had to give me that advice.

[01:48:21] Cause I'm not good. I'm breaking out. And I was like, are you washing the sun cream off your face? Or are you just going to bed? How often do you wash your pillowcase? Another good point. Another good point. I, I swapped the pillows around. So. Yeah. Good. Yeah. Anyway, I wasn't happy. One more thing I forgot to say about Barney Hartwood. Is anyone else really drunk? No. No, but I. You haven't had your dinner yet. Yeah. I would like to be.

[01:48:49] He's got a gold blue Peter badge. Let me put that into perspective. The other people that have gold blue Peter badges are the Queen and Madonna. Madonna. and Steven Spielberg. I should know. I was one of the eight people in the room when it was awarded to him. I don't like to show off except I do. Elsie's came to fame. Yeah. He's got a gold blue Peter badge and that, you know, that's big. He's one of the longest serving presenters. He deserves it. Yeah. More than the Queen. What has she done for children?

[01:49:19] In it. And when he was first announced as the, as the new presenter, I was like, Oh, that's boring. He's everywhere. And now I'm like, well, good. It's what, I mean, his whole career was building up to that. Right? Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. I'm glad we finally did an episode on Barney. Let's do, let's do what we all should do for Barney Howard. Oh, as our old drama teacher would say, golf clap.

[01:49:49] No, he would say quick clap. And we go like this. No, he would say golf clap. Did he? That was his catchphrase. and then we'd go like this. Oh, Meg, you'll like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You will. Because this is so you. Laura. I'm kidding. Barney's catchphrase on Blue Peter was, I want one. I want one. Anyway. This episode is a mess.

[01:50:19] I really enjoyed this one. Yeah. I really enjoyed this one. Yeah, me too. I'm so sorry. It's okay. Shall we do the socials? I think we should. You can find us on Twitter. Not that we fucking use it. Thoughts underscore underscore TV. On Instagram at thoughts TV. The O is a zero. And on TikTok at thoughts TV pod. Not that we use it. And you can email us at thoughts TV 2002 at gmail.com. We love an email. We use our email. Please, please, please, please email us. We love it. We love it.

[01:50:49] And also we have a discord and a Patreon. They're linked on all this. And we love money. Please, please, it enables Meg to get the thing. She says, I want it. Laura, very kindly, bought us some road mics today. Oh yeah. So you might get us roaming around on the street.

[01:51:18] She cycled to two to go all the way to pick them up. Yeah. I am. I've gotten a sort of salaried position. So I was like, Oh, should I get something? Go clap. Well, I hope you've enjoyed this episode. Have a good evening. We'll see you in two weeks. We will with blue cow, blue, blue cow.

[01:51:40] This podcast is part of Podomity, the UK's podcast comedy network.

[01:52:07] Why not laugh at what else we've got? Visit podomity.com.