Talk about over sharing! In this episode, we're joined by the hilarious stand up comedian Samantha Baines. Barry (also known as Harold because we forgot his alias once) is back and we join teenage Sophie as she writes about her first 'experience' with Barry. Jahannah tells us the most embarrassing story of her first experience and we give 'advice' to those in need.
Follow Dear Mr. Knickerthief on Instagram to be part of the show!
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Just a little disclosure. We had to record this episode on
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Zoom from home because of the lockdown.
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So apologies. If there is any lagging or
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buffering or random technical difficulties in this episode,
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but enjoy nonetheless, used to watch Chatroulette as sleep.
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Like, what was your childhood? Like I just used to watch like a
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nice film with my friends or we'd stay up talking and eat
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chocolate like you're just watching men like wine.
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Good luck but I'm shot. Really like that's disturbing.
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This podcast talks openly about mental health, sex
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relationships, and various other personal subjects that some
00:00:44
people may find triggering. Now, I know what you thinking,
00:00:47
so I'm just going to explain a little bit.
00:00:49
Why do you mr. Nick, a thief.
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So, basically long story short, when I was in year 5, I went
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swimming with my class and a guy came in the changing room and
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stole everybody's knickers. So I did what any responsible
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ten-year-old girl would do. And I wrote a letter addressed
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to said, local pedo printed it off and handed it out around.
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Mike. Is it contained some comedy gold
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if I do say so myself poetic almost.
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Yeah, not only did little Sophie writes the local paedophile.
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She also wrote to herself every day in her diary and when we
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found it, we like this is hilarious.
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People have to hear this. So here we are.
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Hi, everyone and welcome to Dear mr.
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Nick Thief. This week, of course you've got.
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Well, we've got me and you honey.
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You're always stuck with us so yeah, yes, hi.
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Yep. You Johanna Jones.
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We get worse at these and really bad.
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But the most important thing is, I've got a sparkly new guest.
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We've got beautiful and Samantha bones in the house.
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Well, in your house, we're not in the same house.
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Hi, I'm in my house and I'm looking into your houses and I'm
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taking note of the day core and I'm impressed.
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Well, thank you. John has got very funky wall
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that she's done in lockdown. I've stuck it on.
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It's a stick on wall because I rent.
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So I just stuck it on. Destroy Humanity.
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The wallpaper rustic on rather than the whole wall.
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The whole what? No, yeah.
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It's like laminate but I don't think it's designed to go on a
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wall because when on a really hot day it peels off again I'm
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forever sticking it back on like a squirrel.
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Redecorating over and over again groundhog day but thank you.
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It does look very snazzy. Well, thank you so much for
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joining us. Samantha's mom has also got her
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on podcast as well, haven't you? If you want to give that a
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quick? Shout out, you can go on tell us
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about it. Slightly probably less fun than
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this. One is called the divorce club
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and I am a divorced lady and I discussed divorce with other
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divorced, people mainly because I just want to talk about my
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experiences and share over sharing is caring, the best
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podcasts talking of oversharing. We've got a bit of a bit of a
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Slightly different, diary entry today.
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The ones for this particular series of recordings also been
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in lockdown of bun, there. Ended up being quite like, what
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serious. Is it johana quite deep, deep?
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Well, yeah, in the sense, bit Sinister.
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I think is the word, isn't it? So this is a nice juicy teenage
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me. When are we going through some
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stuff? We are going back to.
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There's a few diary entries, it's a few small entries of
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okay. I'm so here we go.
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We're going back. The 25th of the second 2006.
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Now, you may remember dear listeners from season.
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One to remember Harold, was your boyfriend, was my first
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boyfriend. He teaches a lot.
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He features a lot in this. This is the beginning of Harold.
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Okay. Is that his real name?
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No, he admitted it. That we changed it.
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We traded to Barry. And it was Barry.
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Barry. And then in another episode we
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forgot we called him bearing with called him Harold.
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So he said well go back to Barry again.
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I'm about to bury. I'm scared.
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I can't imagine a sixteen-year-old boy called
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Harold. I mean there must have been one
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throughout history but it just doesn't seem right.
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So you don't really hear a bear be Gary's or baby Keith's
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anymore. Do you know?
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And also Harold is just that old man for me from Neighbors you
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like lost his mind or something and then wandered off.
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That's what I'm imagining. Oh my gosh, major breakthrough
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hidden him. I can't use names.
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Can I think of a name? They got another name Veronica
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will call a Veronica. Has apparently got a boyfriend.
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If this is true, then me and Barry.
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Don't have to be a secret anymore.
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Oh wow, I've just started. You have to keep a secret from
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your friend about having a boyfriend because I think it was
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Veronica zet. See you see?
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And it's big deal when you're 15.
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I mean it's a big deal now a coat gosh I mean Veronica had
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also been with my ex by this point so you know it was all a
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bit of a other people. It was a mixed school and a very
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very small town. Sophie was from up north in a
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small town that North and there were only six people.
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So he went out with each other apparently.
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All right. Well, nearly related.
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It. You probably just as well.
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I moved to London. Oh God, I mean I think she went
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out with him when she was 13 like 12 or 13.
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So I mean like this was not a serious boyfriend like at the
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time for she's had two years to get over.
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I mean, should finally and she'd been with my ex-boyfriend at
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this point because I wouldn't hold hands of him to the table.
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And so I've just spoken to him on MSN.
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He's so cute. I've still got butterflies.
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I think we're in love. Don't Wow.
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On MSN, I met my boyfriend on MSN of the dial-up modem.
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I used to talk to someone and MSN and then the video feature
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came, and then he like, tried to get sexy on video feature.
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But I didn't turn my video on because I wasn't an idiot, even
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when I was younger. And so, he was like, trying to
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get sexy and I was like, how can I film this and shame him?
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But I didn't do that because I'm a nice person, but Emerson was
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weird. Weird.
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MSM was weird, you have a chat rooms, you just go onto the
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website and go into chat rooms and just chat.
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Roulette. Yeah.
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Oh my God. Terrifying.
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If you want to sleep over we used to have loads of sleepovers
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and widgets it and Skip through chat roulette and you get that,
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the odd weird old man, like having a little bit of a tug and
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then you'd get on to the next one.
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If you like a lot of other to know, just like what then you
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click on to the next one, you used to watch Chatroulette as
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sleep. Like what was your childhood
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Like I just used to watch like a nice film with my friends or
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we'd stay up talking and eat chocolate like you're just
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watching men like wank. It was like but I'm chat really
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like that's disturbing who did your parents know?
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Well, she does now but It was hilarious and because we were
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all like prudes and like frightened little teenagers,
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like we're just like the next one that is so that's like
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watching like QVC for fun shopping.
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Like what? That's so rad just watch like
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actual porn or just a nice film. Yeah the pain would be better
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and makes you. I'll pass it on to my own future
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to that you don't want Chatroulette.
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You just won't fall on girls. And berries.
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Now seen a picture of me in a wedding dress.
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The one from Veronica's sleepover when he told me I
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nearly died. How embarrassing?
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Oh my story? What why why why why I can't
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even speak, you were watching Chatroulette on sleepovers.
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You were dating your best friend's ex-boyfriend and you
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put on a wedding dress age. 16 where was this wedding dress
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from? Whose was it was actual wedding?
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Dress. Why did you take a Picture in
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it. What's going on together?
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It was like a group of us and we all kind of like had different
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boyfriends like it. Just was that thing.
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Like everybody all have the same boyfriend.
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It sounds like. Yeah.
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Yeah. Everybody had been with
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everybody's like boyfriend but nobody's like hated each other.
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Yeah, it was just like a hand holding for three weeks and that
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was considered somebody's ex. Like, it wasn't like like a
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serious boyfriend. None of them but I don't know
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why. There was a whose wedding dress
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was it though. I can't remember but like we
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said dressing up. Boxes and stuff.
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And we just do players and like mess about and foot.
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We had a my friend Brogan who you know Brogan don't you Janet
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like a really dear friend childhood friend of mine.
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She had this camcorder. So for a while we were quite
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obsessed with this camcorder and making videos.
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I wonder if she's still got them.
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But yeah, absolutely. We had wedding dresses.
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I know we're laughing at this Sophie but within the last two
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years three years we've hung out in wedding dresses.
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So It's the thing that you do apparently you you make them you
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don't you please explain I call them.
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We bought we bought a couple of like cheapy wedding dresses on
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eBay because we've all we could make sketches in them.
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We ended up just wearing them just hanging out and wearing
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them like that like that episode of Friends like the episode of
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Friends. And we just like watched movies
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and eat popcorn and War wedding dresses and felt beautiful.
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And why like why can't we always wear wedding dresses are
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beautiful? I actually put On my old wedding
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dress, when I watched The Royal Wedding.
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Oh, what's that? In my living room, in my wedding
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dress and watch The Royal Wedding?
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I'm actually live Instagram live did or something have a photo of
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me in the wedding dress. At 14.
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There is we can play ground put that on the ground.
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That's me in a wedding gown at 15.
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Wonderful OD. I don't know where the hell that
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child bride now, we are anywhere.
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Gotta go. See you soon.
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I'm off to London. Ian for a QPR match.
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I'm going to try and get the manager of wolves and pollens
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autograph. So yeah, good luck.
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And there we go. Oh, and it says, oh yeah, we
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found out that Veronica's boyfriend was called Rusty.
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So she had a new boyfriend. Let me go isn't in, was
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entrusted? A that was a nickname.
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We gave somebody back in the day, probably, probably still
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has that name, I don't know. So why are you writing goodbye
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to your diary? Do you imagine it that?
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It's like a personal is just like waiting for you to come
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back and write in it. I think.
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So I used to call it Tessa, which is really sad.
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Isn't it? Dear Tess?
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Yeah. Like I've got because it goes
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back to like when I'm 10 years old.
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So it's like I'm at this diary Must be like new is nearly 20
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years old now and it's like, hi. Tessa Sophie here kids on else.
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Is it gonna be? Oh God.
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Okay. Some people write things for
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their like, future children. Why do you imagine Tessa was
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going to be your future child? Maybe, maybe that's what it was.
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I mean, I would not let my future children read any of
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these diary entries, but here we go.
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So the next diary entry a month later, it's all the development
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and okay, well been there done that got the T-shirt I guess
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that means about QPR It was amazing but I was on my period
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And I was wearing white shorts. Oh God, here I remember that
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that was awful but at least that dog means oh Sophie at least
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that means I don't have to worry too much.
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I can fool around Lots with Barry on Saturday with no
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worries. That's castes.
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I'm wait. I'm like surround fool around.
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Where were you? When you had your period with
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white shorts, I was a QPR mascot.
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That's a football for. Anyone doesn't know what QPR is
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because I wouldn't know it's a fucking Park Rangers.
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Yeah okay. And Loftus yogurt you are a
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football match in white shorts. Bleeding profusely.
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Abso-fucking-lutely did it, did it.
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Go on the white short? Oh yeah yeah yeah but don't
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worry because Yeah, it says, I was asked out by a footballer,
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my grandma wet herself and then we met the manager and family
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instead in his suite. I'm sorry.
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Why were you and your grandma just expelling bloodily fluids?
00:12:57
Number two. How old is this footballer?
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Yeah, because you were like, okay, I leading well, I looked,
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I think what? Because I was like 50.
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Yeah, I think it was 15 here for sure.
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So when I was 15, I had quite big boobs.
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And like, I look Colder than what I probably was at 4:00 yet.
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He still should have asked, how are ya?
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It's the law. Yeah, maybe.
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But anyway, nothing happened. But yeah, and we would like to
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grab know. What herself?
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Yeah. That's what it says here.
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She got really, really drunk and wandered into the managers sweet
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like, you know, like they have what they call the boxes for
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like the management. So she wandered into the manager
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Suite with his family drunk and then wet herself.
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And there went out a while making friends, she's a legend,
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my grandma anyway, I've got all the autographs, I needed on the
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ones I wanted and a program and a giraffe.
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What? Oh my God.
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Those are you drunk. When you wrote this, she's
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expelling a lot of blood. So many slightly anemic.
00:14:02
Slightly slightly dizzy. Was the giraffe, the QPR mascot
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or something? No, I think the QPR mascot was
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or is a black cat called, dude. So I don't know what the giraffe
00:14:16
came from, so that's crazy. Hey, our sense, the good news is
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you're going to be off your period soon.
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So you can fool around with Barry.
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The end. You know what fool around was
00:14:25
johana snug on his sofa, was it? That was all.
00:14:29
It was. I'm just had like a memory
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flashback well hook talking about being. .
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And being 15 and first boyfriends and everything.
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Oh my God, might be TMI but I had a really embarrassing
00:14:42
moments of the first time ever that our guy put his hand in my
00:14:46
underwear, I bled on him, I liked and I didn't realize that
00:14:53
I had and he'd given me a hug. And I was wearing my school
00:14:56
uniform, my school, white shirt, and I had a hand print on the
00:15:01
back of my school uniform, and I went downstairs to get A snack
00:15:06
and my mom was like, honey, what's there's something on
00:15:09
what's on the back of your and I remember looking and being like,
00:15:12
but because it was kind of brownie blood.
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I was like oh it was chocolate. I got chocolate on my hands and
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I worked. And I go not and I just remember
00:15:23
being like mortified but she bought it.
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And I remember going upstairs and being like, Oh my God, check
00:15:27
everything. Can I just say your mum know?
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My mom? That's absolutely.
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He wanted you to save face and she was Yeah, yeah sure
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chocolate. Okay, bye also.
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Why was there a handprint? Did he have his whole hand up
00:15:43
there? Was this whole hand covered in
00:15:46
blood and then why did he put his hand in your pants?
00:15:49
And then just Pat you on the back?
00:15:55
Well done. That is it?
00:15:56
There we go. My first period.
00:16:01
I got I bled on my summer was like a summer dress at school
00:16:08
and there was like a big patch on the back.
00:16:11
And then I like went to the toilet.
00:16:12
So I had to wash it out in the sink and then I tied, my jump
00:16:15
around my waist over it and you weren't allowed to do that.
00:16:19
And my school, you got told off. And so, then a male teacher
00:16:22
tries to tell me off. I was like, I got my period And
00:16:25
there's blood on my dress and he just look really pale and looked
00:16:29
away. And apparently, I said to my
00:16:32
friends, I like came into the classroom and sat down with my
00:16:36
friends and I was like I'm a woman now.
00:16:41
And they took the piss out of me for saying that for the whole
00:16:44
like they still do now for like the whole of our friendship.
00:16:47
That's adorable. I know, it's a pretty big moment
00:16:51
for me, but it will also turned out to be really awkward.
00:16:54
Oh god. Well, talked about monthlies.
00:16:56
We've moved on to another month in.
00:16:57
There's a slight insert here. I'm so happy.
00:17:01
I told Veronica a Monday. Then I was seeing Barry and
00:17:04
she's absolutely fine with it. Oh, I think her few fear.
00:17:09
Thank God. Yeah, I mean, She's moved on.
00:17:12
Yeah, she's Rusty. She's up Thrice boyfriend.
00:17:14
She's come from. Oh god, I think I'm in love.
00:17:19
My friend is seeing her boyfriend.
00:17:21
Tonight. Can't work to get details.
00:17:23
I hope it snows. I've got work experience on
00:17:25
Monday at the welfare state International.
00:17:29
Okay, well, that's not, that's me.
00:17:30
I love the random list at the end.
00:17:33
Can't wait to hear what she gets up to and you're like, always,
00:17:35
there are sexual Vibe. I hope it snows.
00:17:38
Okay, where did that come from? In her in her pants.
00:17:42
Like what you talking about? And then I've got work
00:17:44
experience, we went to my friend's birthday and she got
00:17:49
rather drunk. And so, did her mum tomorrow?
00:17:52
Its my anniversary. I'll have been seen Barry for
00:17:54
two months. Oh wow.
00:17:56
And I couldn't be happier. I was having my doubts but I had
00:18:00
a little double date with him and that's made up my mind.
00:18:02
We've been on two dates, two months.
00:18:10
School relationship will tell you about that when I see you.
00:18:15
My friend got a gummy on her neck.
00:18:16
Can't believe that and then she took her relationship to the
00:18:19
next level. What's the Gammy agami is a
00:18:23
hickey? I love bite, its own oven word
00:18:25
for that, very yummy. And when then said next level,
00:18:28
that probably means like touched a boob.
00:18:31
Anyway, today it is 9 a.m. today is mine and berries anniversary.
00:18:36
Well, we met up and it's happened in anything amazing.
00:18:40
No, but I guess it was all right.
00:18:43
And it's just got a picture of a hand.
00:18:46
What happened? You slap it?
00:18:49
So what happened? Was it full fingering?
00:18:52
Or was it? So they are not in Pan about
00:18:54
Sir, just a hand in the trousers.
00:18:56
I remember when I was at school and then there was this rumor.
00:18:59
Going around that Johnny fingered Holly through her
00:19:02
trousers. And obviously we have no idea
00:19:05
what fingering is because you can't do that through trousers
00:19:08
or you. We couldn't be weird.
00:19:11
A weird filtration system that basically it was just that this
00:19:15
guy called Johnny had like touched the crotch area over the
00:19:21
top of Holly's trousers. I'm using real names by the way,
00:19:24
but they work and make sure I love.
00:19:29
And I love the excitement of like absolutely ridiculous.
00:19:35
It wasn't great, but it wasn't great.
00:19:38
I mean, actually, it was nothing bro.
00:19:40
Real, I'll special it, wasn't that great wanted to call my
00:19:44
friend, but I didn't get back till there and I can't text
00:19:48
there because I've got five. People should be the first to
00:19:50
know. Oh my God.
00:19:52
I remember when tax cost money, love myself at your text.
00:19:58
I've got 50 P left, so I can do five texts and you had to like
00:20:02
top up on my God, the day's, but alas, no one knew because I only
00:20:07
had five things, So that's the end of that diary entry.
00:20:14
There we go. And we've already started to
00:20:16
unravel some beautiful stories of our own.
00:20:18
But oh my God, like that, the a pat of your vagina.
00:20:22
And I felt I had to write it in the diary.
00:20:24
It's just two months. I was in love.
00:20:27
I've been on two dates, it was a pretty serious be serious.
00:20:31
Okay, so this week was particularly busy with people
00:20:35
writing in and we've got some awkward situation to it.
00:20:40
Let's just get in there. I'm buzzing for this and let me
00:20:44
make snake into the funny tweets, right?
00:20:46
So it was talking about, like, first dates and first times,
00:20:52
okay? This is from post-grad
00:20:54
underscore bharti. He said, although she said I met
00:20:57
a guy on Tinder because I'm because, it's dog, look cute.
00:21:01
I said, let's go for a walk around the dog park.
00:21:04
He kept sending me snaps off his face close up with captions
00:21:08
saying, how cute am I scared of want?
00:21:10
10. Of course I ignore those and
00:21:13
then he then proceeded to call me a stuck-up bitch and he
00:21:16
threatened to kill me. So that Tinder date went very,
00:21:21
very south but what I did find was funny about that is that the
00:21:24
fact that people I think this is a thing where you send like
00:21:28
photos and go right me, how cute am I one to ten?
00:21:32
Like is it? I like dick pic.
00:21:35
There are thing. I think for the young people I
00:21:37
would never do this but imagine just sending you.
00:21:40
Face like Break Me 1 to 10 and they're like three.
00:21:45
What do you do? Wow, that's just like weird low
00:21:48
self-esteem. Also, he threatened to kill her.
00:21:51
That is illegal. Yeah, he could be, she could get
00:21:56
arrested. He should definitely have banned
00:21:59
from Tinder, that is not okay. And she's away his face.
00:22:05
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it'd be like, rape me one
00:22:09
to ten. Send it to the police officer.
00:22:12
Let's see. What Guys threatening to kill me
00:22:17
because I didn't go to space. Well, I do know I prefer a rate
00:22:21
my face then around him dick pic, to be honest because I like
00:22:24
I like working online. They fall in the dams all the
00:22:28
time. The disgusting disgusting for
00:22:30
anyone listening? I don't get any dates yet.
00:22:32
That's not how you get a shag. There's a man on Twitter who
00:22:36
like targets female comedians and asks them to has asked me to
00:22:42
give him a wedgie. He Is how much would you charge
00:22:46
to give me a wedgie? So I was like, I'd probably do
00:22:50
it for like 10 grand. I was like Joanna, dear
00:22:54
shooting, and then he didn't marry reply, but like, I would
00:22:57
genuinely give someone a wedgie for, yeah. 10 grand.
00:22:59
Yeah, Ida friend that it was somebody said, I'll pay you 500
00:23:03
pound of you rolled on. Its at me about my role doled
00:23:07
out, but like, they asked him to he'd sit there naked, and you
00:23:12
have to roll Donuts at him. Guess it's like some sort of
00:23:15
humiliation. I don't really know I would
00:23:17
charge more than 500 pounds for that if he was naked.
00:23:21
Do you have to purchase the donuts yourself or did they come
00:23:24
and they expenses as well? I have no idea.
00:23:27
I've never they typical to be expenses.
00:23:30
Yeah, the be expenses. Like, I'll be invoicing you for
00:23:32
those, I'll be adding volume voice.
00:23:34
Wonder Felix, custard or Jam. I once had a guy on Tinder just
00:23:39
really up front. Like, I'd not I'd say, I think
00:23:42
I'd said hello. How are you and he replied with
00:23:47
like a list of all the sexual things that he was really into.
00:23:51
Oh God, like breath play and edging and like he just had this
00:23:56
whole list because I think the community just to be upfront,
00:23:59
Lee breath plays when you like, you know, strangle yourself or
00:24:06
do something to stop your breath.
00:24:09
I thought you meant like Just breathing at each other.
00:24:14
Yeah, no that's just life, isn't it?
00:24:17
What we do, breathe God, and other people disability.
00:24:21
Well, that's good. Because at least, you know,
00:24:23
you're, you know, is there because it's like, whoa, I'm not
00:24:26
gonna waste your time here being up front.
00:24:29
But like, I don't even know, like what you do for a living
00:24:32
yet, like or anything about you. You haven't even said hello, but
00:24:37
I know what you like in the bedroom.
00:24:39
Imagine saying that on a speed date, anything you say in a You
00:24:42
have to imagine saying to someone's face in a speed date
00:24:45
and if it's never been weird over a table, weird in a DM,
00:24:49
that's a good tip. That's a really good tip.
00:24:52
Just wouldn't just get your dick out on a speed date with Jeff.
00:24:56
He rested it, right? My face want to turn, just lay a
00:24:59
penis on the table. Now, this is a weird one as
00:25:02
well. So this girl said that I'm a new
00:25:05
guy at work was kind of cool. So I invited him to a house
00:25:08
party with my close friends because we all like to drink and
00:25:12
Play party games. So we thought we'd start off
00:25:14
with strip poker and it was going on straight out, the
00:25:19
straight out that strip poker. Whoa, solutely.
00:25:22
Why not go for it. This dude literally takes off
00:25:27
his trousers. First, God.
00:25:30
And then on the second round, takes off his underwear.
00:25:33
Oh God. Dick.
00:25:35
Out some t-shirt. Yes, dick out.
00:25:39
First time, his shirt still on. And everyone, and they're not
00:25:43
really that drunk at this point because there's started early.
00:25:46
And she said that it was the he said, it was the only way he
00:25:49
played because he's not a pussy and all the friends are really
00:25:52
confused and she was mortified that I bought this weird person
00:25:55
to a party. And just and then she said, so
00:26:00
anyway, we've been together for five years and got married in
00:26:02
July. She married a naked man.
00:26:06
Yeah. Who got his dick out front of
00:26:08
her friends when I just met them?
00:26:09
Yeah. Oh well at least they had a Fun
00:26:12
story for the wedding. How did you make?
00:26:15
Well, I saw his penis the same time on my friends saw his
00:26:18
penis. This is a name for that.
00:26:20
What's it called? When you like being nude than
00:26:23
exhibitionist, that's the one he's an exhibitionist, you just
00:26:28
like, Winnie the Pooh. Maybe it was just a massive
00:26:29
Winnie, the Pooh fan and just like wearing t-shirts t-shirts
00:26:32
just t-shirt you never see. Winnie the Pooh stick though.
00:26:35
Apparently Winnie. The Pooh's a girl I hope yeah
00:26:39
apparently we need to poo is a girl.
00:26:41
It's a girl. Bear.
00:26:42
Which. Yeah, which one, you didn't see
00:26:44
his dick. I've you Winnie, the Pooh as
00:26:46
non-binary. They are a bear.
00:26:49
They are a puppy. They are.
00:26:51
Winnie, the Pooh. I love.
00:26:52
They're actually their voice is quite old, man.
00:26:55
A that's exactly what I was just going to say.
00:26:57
Like who isn't it? But I've not met some women that
00:27:01
have old men voice as well, so they've smoked for like 50 a
00:27:05
day. Because things two years and
00:27:07
they sound mild, mild ballad teacher was one of them.
00:27:10
Yeah. Imagine if Winnie the Pooh
00:27:16
because it's more like 260 and Christopher Robin and that's why
00:27:25
they eat honey. Pick helps the throat.
00:27:29
So we've got a couple of problems that have been sent in.
00:27:32
I don't know like problem, I don't know if we can solve them,
00:27:35
but we'll take a crack at it. Okay.
00:27:38
So this one. He's got lady says my boyfriend
00:27:41
told me. Before we got close as friends,
00:27:45
him and his friends used to take the mick out of my nose because
00:27:48
it's big, I hate my nose, and I used to be really insecure about
00:27:52
it and I somewhat sort of got over it, but he now he's made me
00:27:56
feel really insecure about it. And now, I feel, I don't want to
00:27:59
be with him because he may never make me feel beautiful.
00:28:02
And every time people compliment me, I'm going to think it's a
00:28:04
lie. I can't break up with him though
00:28:06
because it's a stupid reason. How can I get over this and
00:28:09
forget it and become secure? Number one, you can break up
00:28:14
with someone for any reason you want.
00:28:17
That's your decision. You don't have to give them a
00:28:20
reason. I want to break up with it, if
00:28:24
you don't actually want to break up with them, I think.
00:28:29
You just talked to him about it and say, I feel really insecure
00:28:33
that you and your friends, meet used to make fun of my nose.
00:28:36
I don't like my nose, it makes me feel really ugly and then if
00:28:41
nothing else, you'll just go. It's a compliment.
00:28:43
So of it. Yeah, and I think as well like
00:28:47
it does that pack mentality, isn't it?
00:28:49
Like, if there's a lot of lads I could obviously he fancied her.
00:28:51
So they give us a lot of lads taken the Mickey, and he doesn't
00:28:54
want to be seen as a bit. Like, if there's a lot of that
00:28:56
didn't want to be like joint, a can handle.
00:28:58
Yeah, it's that's that. What's the word like, he's just
00:29:02
peer pressure? Isn't it to say something
00:29:03
obviously quite fancy? This girl.
00:29:05
So it's like, yeah, maybe he was just going along with it or
00:29:08
maybe he just changed his opinion and actually.
00:29:10
Now he thinks it's really lovely because it's a part of her that
00:29:13
he really likes. And it makes her who she is, I
00:29:16
think. Yeah.
00:29:16
She needs to sit down and chat to him by the sounds of it.
00:29:18
Like boys. Yeah.
00:29:20
Want to be not. So sensitive about stuff like
00:29:22
that. They all make fun of each other
00:29:23
for their biggest insecurities where girls always lift each
00:29:26
other up for their biggest insecurities like oh, I don't
00:29:28
like my bad. And we're like your bum is the
00:29:29
best thing ever since Beyonce but guys will be like yeah, you
00:29:33
have got a small head in it like yeah.
00:29:36
They're just say it as it is and so he might not realize you just
00:29:39
got to talk to them and go. Yeah, you broke my heart.
00:29:41
When you told me that you and your mates made fun of my nose
00:29:44
like yeah, I'll be halogen, pbuh is obviously truthful.
00:29:51
We told her so he's obviously there's, you know, he's
00:29:53
obviously quite an honest person.
00:29:55
So I think it's worth a conversation.
00:29:56
Did he need to tell her? No ignorance is bliss.
00:30:03
And I remember when I read this, I remember one of my exes told
00:30:07
me like a mean. Comment that his friend said
00:30:10
about me and I was like, why did you tell me that?
00:30:13
Like like, it's all that. Oh, they were teasing me that
00:30:17
you didn't have a bum. And I was like, why would you
00:30:20
tell me that? Like, that's not going to help
00:30:23
me in any way possible and like, why didn't you have my back?
00:30:26
Mmm. That's why he doesn't sound.
00:30:28
And doesn't sound very healthy that he's telling her horrible
00:30:33
things either, likewise you doing that.
00:30:35
So so keep a Keen Eye, this one. Yeah.
00:30:39
Keep it keep an eye on that statistic one, right?
00:30:43
Okay, so now we've got another one says, I dated a guy last
00:30:47
year for a few months because we work together, we broke up
00:30:50
because he had to move to another city for work and and
00:30:53
live quite far from work. But then he moved back and he
00:30:57
started working back where I was But we've got a long all year
00:31:00
and we met up and we've had sex throughout the year and he calls
00:31:03
me almost every week and we get along so well and everything's
00:31:05
been going so good last week. He told me that he'd met someone
00:31:08
at a local pub and he got along with her and her family really
00:31:11
well. And he found her really fit.
00:31:13
I told him I how I felt about hearing that and told him that I
00:31:16
had feelings for him, but he wouldn't tell me if he does or
00:31:19
if he doesn't, I'm a bit confused and I don't know what
00:31:22
to do. Was he trying to make me
00:31:24
jealous? Because afterwards, he called me
00:31:26
and we were on the phone for eight hours talking.
00:31:28
About all the things we normally talk about, I don't know what to
00:31:31
do, because he shows me his, his interest is interest and always
00:31:35
makes an effort, but bringing up that girl got me thinking and
00:31:39
doubting things now girl. Really harsh.
00:31:44
I think a bit of harsh love here.
00:31:46
Yeah, you know like the film, He's Not That Into You.
00:31:49
Yeah. If he wanted to be with you, he
00:31:53
would be with you and it sounds like he wants all the It's like
00:32:00
having sex with you, which he obviously enjoys and talking to
00:32:02
you, because you're obviously gray, but none of the commitment
00:32:07
and is disrespecting you by talking about other people.
00:32:10
So get rid of him and get someone who deserves you get
00:32:15
ready? Can't have his cake and eat it.
00:32:17
Yes, you paid by and it's like when girls like I just can't I
00:32:22
just can't Don't tell if you likes me, if you can't tell that
00:32:25
he doesn't there's your answer because yeah because if somebody
00:32:29
likes you they'll make it clear as day people will jump over
00:32:33
fences made of fire if they really want to be with you and
00:32:37
fancy like you know and it's not doing that if they're making you
00:32:42
go. Hmm then then nah it's hard
00:32:46
though because we've all been there where you like someone and
00:32:48
you want them to like you back. But why?
00:32:52
Yeah. We just have Accept it.
00:32:54
Yeah. If you've got a Time Force,
00:32:56
anything to happen then it's not right.
00:32:59
And if you've been on and off and you just seen each other and
00:33:01
you're sleeping with each other new College other every week.
00:33:04
Like, and you're not in a relationship and you've already
00:33:07
have been previously than this. Just, it's just a convenience
00:33:09
thing. I think more than anything, and
00:33:12
he's clearly seeing other people if he's going and telling you
00:33:15
about it that Hub. Yeah.
00:33:17
And seeing and seeing families and meeting her family like
00:33:20
meeting a families and they got on really well, like he's
00:33:22
clearly not. Into you at all like you as a
00:33:25
1/1 or you and him as a couple that's not in his on his radar.
00:33:30
Yes. Yeah.
00:33:33
Final 1 it says hello. I've been with my boyfriend for
00:33:36
three years. Now, we met when I was 17.
00:33:39
He is the most perfect boyfriend.
00:33:40
He absolutely adores me and would do anything for me.
00:33:43
However, in the whole three years we've been together, I've
00:33:46
always had a good chemistry with my manager at work.
00:33:49
I never saw it as anything more than a little crush as he's
00:33:52
married. He admitted his feelings for me,
00:33:54
last week. And then the next day, he told
00:33:57
me his wife was pregnant. So I broke ties with him.
00:33:59
And I told him, I didn't want to speak to him again, other than
00:34:02
for work obviously, because it's not the job a few days later.
00:34:05
He asked to meet up so we could talk, I agreed and he kissed me.
00:34:08
The guilt is absolutely eating me up and I don't know what to
00:34:10
do. I love my boyfriend dearly and I
00:34:12
would never want to hurt him but I can't ignore that.
00:34:14
There's something between me and this other, man, what should I
00:34:17
do? He's married, he's bad.
00:34:23
Because when you're married, I have a podcast called the
00:34:28
divorce Club. So I know about it when you're
00:34:32
married, obviously you can't have feelings for someone else
00:34:34
but if you're a I want to say, decent human being, but there
00:34:41
are lots of decent human beings have done stupid things but he
00:34:44
should break up with his wife. If he has real feelings for you
00:34:49
and wants to be with you, if he's having a baby with his wife
00:34:52
and his wife thinks everything's fine and he's kissing you that's
00:34:56
very dishonest, I wouldn't trust him.
00:34:58
Also, he's your manager and he's in a position of power and
00:35:03
energy, that's not cool. All that he's, you know, telling
00:35:09
you, he has feelings and it's also inappropriate because you
00:35:11
work together. If you love your boyfriend, then
00:35:16
I would try and find another job.
00:35:18
Yeah, I think I do that sounds extreme.
00:35:21
But like then get on out and how much you love your job.
00:35:25
But, you know, if you can easily try and find another one, then I
00:35:28
would do it. Yeah.
00:35:29
I think remove yourself from that situation, he has a wife.
00:35:33
He's got a child on the way and like you said, he's in a
00:35:36
position of power. It makes it awkward, it makes it
00:35:38
difficult. I think, I think even what I
00:35:41
think when you've been in relationships for a while
00:35:44
everybody gets a little crushes and things and, you know, I
00:35:47
think it's just, it's just as human, you know?
00:35:50
But yeah acting on it and pursuing it at the expense of
00:35:56
potentially ruining a lot of things around it, just for what
00:35:59
could be? He just, I just wouldn't trust
00:36:02
him as far as I could throw him. I thought you said Samantha like
00:36:05
not at all like you sounds like Like a bit of a knob you're 20.
00:36:09
And to be to take, oh, she's only 20 if she's 20, because she
00:36:13
says she met her boyfriend when she was 17, and they've been
00:36:16
together for three years. So, she's 20.
00:36:18
So the fact that you would want to set in break up a family in a
00:36:21
marriage when you're 20. Like, when you're 25, you could
00:36:25
think real differently about this, man.
00:36:27
You are going to think really different about this, man.
00:36:28
You will think really differently about this man and
00:36:30
also 18 to 20, you've been with somebody since you were 18 to 28
00:36:34
like you know, that in that relationship Might not last
00:36:37
forever. You know, chances if it does
00:36:40
great chances are it might not like battery didn't, did he
00:36:43
cause eat it until? I mean, you've got to catch the
00:36:45
frogs to find your prince. Yeah, I think you don't want to
00:36:48
go anywhere near here and you might think you have feelings
00:36:51
for him but also when you fancy someone is very different from
00:36:55
the realities of being in a relationship with them as well.
00:36:58
So that initial fantasy doesn't really tell you, what things
00:37:04
would be like if it progressed sand He doesn't sound like a
00:37:08
good and the fact that doesn't he just sounds like chemistry
00:37:12
that yeah. A little bit like tempting and
00:37:14
that's probably about as far as it will go.
00:37:17
Absolutely. Well, good luck with that
00:37:20
anonimous lady. Suck him off.
00:37:25
Find a new job, but if you respect yourself, Amazing.
00:37:34
Okay. Well, coming into land coming
00:37:37
into Lancome and and we've been up and it's been good.
00:37:41
This has been really fun. Thank you.
00:37:43
Samantha coming on. If people just love the sound of
00:37:46
your voice and want to hear more of you, where can they find you?
00:37:49
I got your address. Where can I find you online?
00:37:52
If people said, love the sound of my voice then I love them
00:37:55
back this. That's lovely.
00:37:57
You they can find Me on Twitter and Instagram at Samantha Baines
00:38:01
be a iines because people spell it wrong is so weird.
00:38:05
I don't know why. And I have a podcast called the
00:38:07
divorce club, which is all about being divorced, but it's not all
00:38:13
doom and gloom because yeah, comedian, but it's not going to
00:38:16
be too. Yes, John has on you just
00:38:20
recorded one with its month or a few days ago.
00:38:22
Didn't me. I'm excited to hear it.
00:38:24
Yeah. Yeah.
00:38:25
You're gonna be on Series 2 and this is not just for people
00:38:27
who've been divorced. It's just people who are like
00:38:29
Curious or broken up for someone at some point and but yeah,
00:38:33
thank you so much for joining us today.
00:38:35
We've had a brilliant time. We've delved into many of vagina
00:38:39
and we're now coming up for some are so into our own vaginas.
00:38:45
We would love to do it each other Giants name of the podcast
00:38:50
into our vaginas. Don't we just jump in it?
00:39:01
Yeah, you can find us is that we were gonna say?
00:39:03
Yeah. Yeah.
00:39:04
You can find us at demons - across the socials and or you
00:39:08
can find us individually at it's over Craig at johana James slide
00:39:12
on into the DMS. We want to hear your story.
00:39:14
So if you've got an embarrassing story, a problem or just want to
00:39:19
say hi, then. Yeah.
00:39:20
DM us on Twitter and Instagram and you can hear this podcast on
00:39:24
all the places where now it's everywhere.
00:39:26
It's bread. It's Aegis.
00:39:29
The but you'll never the Gaff on apples on cast.
00:39:34
Cast away over so good at this was shit.
00:39:38
Okay. All right, that's enough.
00:39:41
Click basic, you were on a roll with our left.
00:39:44
You two fell over on it. You knew what you were doing and
00:39:47
then I got involved and ruined the whole thing we to hilarious
00:39:55
and now we're going do not. Um, we're just gonna Yeah,
00:40:02
basically drop a little message live in the DMS and you can find
00:40:05
us a lot of the Gap. We can be over anyway.
00:40:07
Get Podcast with her. All right.