For the final episode of Dear Mr. Knickerthief season three, Sophie Craig and Jahannah James are joined by comedian and impressionist Luke Kempner, as Sophie see's red after being framed by her class mate and gets spat on in the cloakroom by a frothy TA. We talk lies, telling tales and share some TMI stories, including wetting yourself as an adult. Standard.
Follow Dear Mr. Knickerthief on Instagram to be part of the show!
00:00:00
Easy thing, if you're going to like a stressful time, adult bed
00:00:05
wetting can happen. And if you're absolutely
00:00:08
bladdered in my case your bladdered.
00:00:10
Yeah, but because so far, you have excuse you were drunk, I
00:00:12
was just sad. Excuse me sir, what a lovely
00:00:18
shell to pee in. I've what I thought it was
00:00:20
actually just pissing myself and then and then when I only said
00:00:24
this, I feel like is so, like TMI, isn't it?
00:00:27
Great, it's so different. Why This podcast talks openly
00:00:32
about mental health, sex relationships, and various other
00:00:35
personal subjects that some people may find triggering.
00:00:37
Now, I know what you're thinking, so I'm just going to
00:00:40
explain a little bit. Why do you miss to make a thief?
00:00:43
So basically long story short, when I was in year 5, I went
00:00:46
swimming with my class and a guy came in the changing room and
00:00:50
stole everybody's knickers. So I did what any responsible
00:00:53
ten-year-old girl would do. And I wrote a letter addressed
00:00:57
to said, local pedo printed it off and handed.
00:01:00
Around my class. It contained some comedy gold if
00:01:03
I do say so myself poetic almost.
00:01:07
Yeah not only did little Sophie writes the local paedophile.
00:01:10
She also wrote to herself every day in her diary and when we
00:01:13
found it we like this is hilarious.
00:01:15
People have to hear this Soul. Here we are.
00:01:21
Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of dear mr.
00:01:24
Nick, a thief of course you've got me here.
00:01:27
Sophie and me down and James and then with us today we've got
00:01:31
lovely special, guest mr. Lu Kempner.
00:01:33
Who is an actor comedian? Impressionist Legend
00:01:37
self-titled, Legend, and also a part-time cricketer and that was
00:01:42
how he asked me to introduce them.
00:01:43
So, hello Luke. Yeah, I'm good, I'm really good.
00:01:46
I had to tell you that I was, you know, an actor, a comedian.
00:01:49
You knew about the part-time cricket.
00:01:51
Thing. Yeah, you know I reminded you.
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I'm actually a comedian. Yeah, but that is great to be
00:01:56
here guys. Lovely, lovely to chat to you
00:01:59
from my, from my locked, townhouse?
00:02:01
Yeah. Jay, we didn't think we'd be
00:02:03
doing another lockdown. I know we just second season in
00:02:06
lockdown and we were like oh how quaint, how funny and ironic
00:02:10
this is. And you know it's going to be
00:02:12
such old news and now this is now this is life.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah in another lockdown.
00:02:20
Down here in the UK. Things could be worse.
00:02:24
Yeah, you know, I'm feeling pretty positive because I
00:02:27
thought about you guys I know we're going to go onto the diary
00:02:30
stop. I don't know what you guys but
00:02:31
with the lockdown, you know, the first one I'm going to say it
00:02:34
was a little bit excited by it. I got it was all like quite a
00:02:36
novelty and a bit like this is yeah it was like being in a
00:02:40
movie, isn't it? Like ho the nation, if you're on
00:02:43
the army's coming for the got to do our bit but not going out.
00:02:47
But like but then like this when the next sort of lat In the
00:02:51
middle of December is a bit like, oh, what?
00:02:53
You've ruined Christmas and then it was like, oh, what we locked
00:02:56
down till April? And I was like, well, this is
00:02:58
life now, you know? So I I've decided I thought I do
00:03:01
dry January and I can at least be smug to some.
00:03:04
But did you know what being smug on this podcast as made it worth
00:03:07
it. So yeah, I've actually done dry
00:03:09
January guys so don't about you but you take that moment.
00:03:12
You take that moment, you know, when Christmas comes Christmas
00:03:17
holidays and you go stuff is Christmas.
00:03:19
I can have that cheese. Or like it.
00:03:21
Let's just, that's the attitude. I have towards food with the
00:03:24
lockdown. It feels like Christmas.
00:03:26
Exactly that. And I'm just like, oh you know
00:03:28
what I deserve because I've been really stressed pair at home
00:03:33
doing nothing. So I'm gonna just eat and watch
00:03:35
things and have a bath and like it's great.
00:03:37
I mean, my self care is on level 10.
00:03:39
It's great. But also I'm just eating like,
00:03:43
it's Christmas. I'd run it.
00:03:44
You couldn't be more, right? That is exactly how I felt with
00:03:47
a lockdown. I was like, I it's that week.
00:03:50
It's that Chris Week between Christmas and New Year.
00:03:52
We allowed her family. I do a day it is 2000.
00:03:56
We're Groundhog Day thing. I can't remember the last time I
00:04:00
wore jeans so I probably have got a little bit like rolia but
00:04:04
I wouldn't really know because I don't wear myself and I just
00:04:06
we're really really stretchy trousers every day so I'll pop
00:04:10
jeans on today for this podcast actually.
00:04:12
I just felt a little bit more like you know Phillip bit more
00:04:14
alive with a pair of jeans on so popular.
00:04:18
He's wearing jeans because effort You look Charming, come
00:04:22
down. Oh I know I have put a lot of
00:04:24
effort in here. You've elevated to like human
00:04:27
status. That's great.
00:04:28
Yeah. Yeah.
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Well, I'm really excited to go back in time in the verbal time
00:04:35
machine. That is this podcast Sophie?
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Where are we going today? Okay, so we are going, where are
00:04:45
we? Oh well, yes, that was it.
00:04:46
Well going at back to year 6, 20 years ago, Lindsey he is ago -
00:04:54
it's been 84 years. So I called my diary Tessa, by
00:05:01
the way, when I was younger, Luke so don't think is weird.
00:05:04
There are some weird things that will happen throughout Asia.
00:05:09
Do you Tessa is exactly how it starts.
00:05:13
Dear Tessa today has not been good and I hate mrs.
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Stratton Brooke. Stratton Brooke, mmm, mr.
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Stratton Brooke, that's a mouthful for a little girl, to
00:05:27
say, I don't actually word on your podcast.
00:05:31
You can absolutely find great what she called.
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Mrs. Stuff, and puff. What's her name Stratton Brooke?
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This is Dreadful. Look at that a little bit.
00:05:44
Okay, so she's this is how it's that's how it starts today.
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Has not been good and I hate mrs.
00:05:49
Stratton Brooke, I'm for me. She called me a liar and a
00:05:53
Telltale and told me off in the cloakroom.
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Then she gave me a red card and I had done nothing wrong at all.
00:06:00
Why is she so horrible? A red card?
00:06:04
Is she a referee? Yes, with red and yellow cards
00:06:07
at primary school? Did you guys know?
00:06:09
Absolutely not know what. So like, if you got to didn't go
00:06:12
to school on a football pitch, we got a card you got detention
00:06:17
and then so yeah, you got a yellow card, yellow card.
00:06:20
If you To then it would be red card.
00:06:22
That would be detention I guess. Yes.
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I know how the yellow and red card works.
00:06:26
I'm more questioning. Why are they using football
00:06:28
analogies in the school room? But you Rollin stuff for the
00:06:36
next match That's the first time I've just clocked that that was
00:06:41
what it was, but it may be football rules were based on
00:06:49
mrs. Stratton books rules?
00:06:52
Well, yeah, so mrs. Bethel was the teacher, mrs.
00:06:54
Johnson was the teaching assistant, but mrs.
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Stratton was the one that dealt with this issue, so, right, but
00:07:02
we had what we had, we had, we had time out which not the
00:07:07
lovely chocolate bar. But it was, it was like if you'd
00:07:10
been known to get sent to time out and you get a, we had that
00:07:14
as well and home. So you gonna have to sit in
00:07:16
timeout, usually with mr. Bibby, who did Ari and and yeah,
00:07:22
that was bad. If you got sent a timeout and I
00:07:24
got sent there quite a lot for doing impressions of the
00:07:26
teachers, but it turns out that that was what my career was
00:07:29
going to end up being Who's laughing now?
00:07:32
Yeah. Mrs. Stratton puff, his loss.
00:07:36
You wouldn't be allowed to do this anymore, pretty sure.
00:07:38
Sure. But does anyone remember who's
00:07:40
listening that when we went to timeout?
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If you did something naughty, you have to go and stand at
00:07:45
facing a wall in the playground, and your nose was up against the
00:07:49
brick, and if you moved your head, it was like, no, another
00:07:52
detention and so we'd be there, just like and then it other
00:07:56
children would come and talk to you.
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And you be like, don't talk to me.
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You're just gonna get us both in trouble.
00:07:59
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly.
00:08:02
Whether I remember, I, this is quite bad.
00:08:04
I remember when I was at school, I am some kids have been
00:08:07
horrible to me, right? I've just called him a lot of
00:08:09
Legend, and a comedian in that. And I was getting really
00:08:11
annoyed. And I was in, like, a little
00:08:13
port or cabbing. It is used to have like
00:08:16
classrooms that were basically Porter cabin.
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Oh my God. Yes, whenever they were doing
00:08:19
building work and the temporary ones that were there.
00:08:22
Yes, exactly. The temporary.
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Freezing cold, classroom support and their big glass pane that
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like, sort of spread the whole of the poor cabin.
00:08:31
And I remember like there was the boys were outside.
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They were, they were shouting horrible things, right?
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And then I smashed the glass from inside the portal.
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Cabin and it's smashed all over them.
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It was horrible, one of them still got a scar and his, I hope
00:08:46
you're well, then I'm over here then, but then they let.
00:08:51
So, they were so annoyed me, even though I was being the one
00:08:53
that was bullied at just like to say that.
00:08:54
I didn't mean to smash the glass over them, but for my
00:08:57
punishment, they stopped me. I wasn't allowed any break time,
00:09:01
so I had to stand outside the head, teachers office for a
00:09:03
entire term. It's facing the world, but they
00:09:06
also stopped me from doing PE Base there was allowed to be fit
00:09:11
for it's not dry down, uh, but like it's like I know just stuck
00:09:14
up. Yeah.
00:09:15
I don't I never understood. That is like right?
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We're going to stop even do an exercise.
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Yeah like I was maybe I was too strong.
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That's getting out of PE though for me.
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That would that wouldn't have that would been a privilege.
00:09:27
Not really? We are.
00:09:28
I loved PA in the winter? No.
00:09:33
Yes, any down. The hockey field with like some
00:09:35
little like ankle socks on. Yeah, away.
00:09:38
And they wanted a blue legs, will ya.
00:09:41
We have in in secondary school would be like, right.
00:09:43
We're going to do hockey on the AstroTurf or be absolutely
00:09:45
pouring it down. It was a lived up.
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North it was like Baltic or forever.
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No. Yeah that's where I'm from
00:09:52
originally. I'm joking.
00:09:53
Yeah. How can you tell?
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I've got such a pain. I lived up.
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North did you know so hard to tell and be it wasn't AstroTurf.
00:10:01
It was just gravel but we called it the AstroTurf.
00:10:04
So we'd have 0 on a lot of wet gravel that Everyone just used
00:10:09
to fall in and there's nothing more painful than traveling Unis
00:10:16
that's scared across the gravel. You need.
00:10:18
And then the little bottle of the bottom of your hands.
00:10:20
Where you put your hair? Yeah.
00:10:22
The groove of your hand would always have and they click.
00:10:25
It's horrible. Stop reminiscing.
00:10:30
Isn't it? Fun Stratton Bugan?
00:10:32
Yeah. Yeah.
00:10:33
What's her name? This is true.
00:10:38
Horrible. I'm going to use the names of
00:10:40
the girls in this because it's all brilliant, and hilarious,
00:10:43
and fun, and they're all from school.
00:10:45
So, me and the huizar, the Whiteboard and glue monitors, we
00:10:49
have to go in early before everyone to set them up for each
00:10:51
table. See, I knew this and I don't
00:10:53
know why I'm explaining it to my diary.
00:10:55
But here we are. Steph also has a job for the
00:10:59
mornings. But today she asked me, if she
00:11:01
could pull the glue into the pots for the tables and you have
00:11:04
to get the mix, right? So that the amount of PBA is
00:11:08
correct. Yeah, of course, of course how
00:11:10
much PDA took my job, very seriously.
00:11:13
When you say whiteboard on it, what you have to do that, I'll
00:11:15
just clean the whiteboards in the white boards and put like,
00:11:18
they were let the little white boards that you write on.
00:11:21
So interactive whiteboards, no, no God at the little cardboard
00:11:26
ones with a bit of white board on and all right.
00:11:29
I cycle whiteboard. Yeah, so we all had like eight
00:11:32
in the middle of each table, so we'd set out the pens, the
00:11:35
whiteboards and then a glue pot you paid for this.
00:11:38
They just Some teacher is literally just loaning out her
00:11:41
job to the children. Yeah, that was that we were the
00:11:43
Whiteboard and glue monitors Jana.
00:11:45
We took it very seriously. I really did you write about it
00:11:51
today? Selfie, you're going to teach
00:11:52
the class it. That's that your name on it.
00:11:55
In fact, you're going to teach all week, that's it.
00:11:56
That's your job. Well done.
00:11:57
You do very well while she goes off to Honolulu for a week.
00:12:03
I said, yes. And or wow.
00:12:06
I should not have said yes. She's the, did she do with the
00:12:11
glow? Oh God.
00:12:12
She's built it everywhere. And he thought it would be
00:12:16
funny, if this is absolutely hilarious, to be fair.
00:12:19
Looking back now, but at the time I was mortified.
00:12:22
She thought it would be funny to stick down everything to the
00:12:25
table that was in the article, that's really funny.
00:12:28
Actually, it's like a big art Corner in the classroom is she's
00:12:32
got everything down to the table and the art Khan That was your
00:12:39
job. That's going to be on your head.
00:12:41
That's right. I didn't know she had done this.
00:12:47
Otherwise I would have cleaned it up at once.
00:12:50
Of course you would have. Oh my God, you're just so good.
00:12:52
It's annoying. I want to just punch it off
00:12:54
things. You can slack off into Tessa,
00:12:57
though, wouldn't you don't? Anyways, after break time, mrs.
00:13:01
Stratton Brooke. Got angry and shouted at me.
00:13:03
I told her I hadn't done anything wrong, in Stepford,
00:13:06
helped with the glue. So, she went and asked there.
00:13:08
Steph lied and said she hadn't done it.
00:13:13
It's a Mexican. Standoff who done it.
00:13:15
So here's The Tell-Tale. Louise.
00:13:18
Actually, the reason the waiter, just an innocent bystander and
00:13:22
all of this. Let's go.
00:13:23
Oh no, she wasn't. Oh, who stuck the stuff to the
00:13:25
table. Steph.
00:13:27
Steph how. Sorry, I don't do.
00:13:29
He's did that like the ways? I ain't involved.
00:13:31
Sorry. Louise.
00:13:32
Louise, was my partner. Yeah, right.
00:13:34
Okay. So Steph.
00:13:35
So it was still a friend. Yes.
00:13:38
Legends. I'm not surprised you my best
00:13:42
loser kids. My best memories and forth that
00:13:45
girl, and so mrs. Stratton Brook shouted at me,
00:13:48
really loudly in the cloakroom so much that she had to get a
00:13:51
tissue to wipe his mouth as a great detail.
00:13:57
Start frothing at the mouth. She's so livid.
00:14:05
Okay. So Religion.
00:14:10
I told her I didn't do anything and it must have been Steph but
00:14:14
then she called me a liar and then gave me.
00:14:18
Wait for it. Smack a red card.
00:14:23
She said you off. She said she sent me to the
00:14:26
stands. Then yeah, she said to me, you
00:14:31
shouldn't not help, Tails was mrs.
00:14:36
Stratton Bergen. And will she actually, actually,
00:14:40
actually she missed it but she misses up Bridge.
00:14:42
Yes, you know what? No, she really surprised me
00:14:45
because she's like, obviously now, I know she's a lovely
00:14:48
lovely woman, but this particular day, I was she just,
00:14:53
she just didn't believe me. And I was so upset.
00:14:56
I was so, so upset. So, yeah, she gave me a red card
00:15:00
and then she said, I shouldn't tell Tales then, did she give
00:15:03
you a pen and it make you write it on your hand in Blood and
00:15:07
snot tell Lies that were she didn't.
00:15:09
That's what, that's what she should have done next to make
00:15:12
sure you don't lie again. I think the red card was worse.
00:15:16
Well, Sophie just to say, in my primary school, my first primary
00:15:19
school, we still got smacked. Yes, because I went to it was
00:15:26
like a little privatized Christian School, so it was, it
00:15:29
wasn't state of angelical that. Yeah, they could still have
00:15:35
smack laws. So I why We've got smacked by
00:15:38
the teacher or you'd you put your hand out and they'd smoke
00:15:42
it with a ruler. And if you Lord, if you just
00:15:45
needs a little Victorian child facing, I went to school in 1890
00:15:51
and if you were really really bad but no group, we were very
00:15:55
bad behavior, was no group. It helped you get sent to the
00:15:59
headmaster's office and he was just really scary old man with a
00:16:01
big beard and he would smack. There was a leather slipper.
00:16:07
Yeah, I never got that personally and then on his
00:16:09
mantelpiece he had a wooden clog that I think was just there for
00:16:13
like Fear Factor levels but yes and then there's other shelf, he
00:16:17
had a machete and then, you know, F-16 rifle.
00:16:22
Yeah, and I didn't think that was until later than I went to a
00:16:25
state school from that year 3, onwards and I was like, what?
00:16:27
The teachers can't hate you. And they're like, no, like what?
00:16:31
I think it was sort of in the, in the very early 90s that they
00:16:36
changed those rules. Yeah, because I think I must
00:16:39
have been the last few years of beer because we could, you could
00:16:43
still, we had a teacher mrs. Ballard that woodchuck her, you
00:16:47
know, the weird towards the chalkboards and whatever you
00:16:50
call them. The chalk.
00:16:51
But like she would done T Chuck that you?
00:16:54
Yeah, it's got hit. Yeah, I have discussed it, man.
00:16:58
I had to teach that used to like pick is up by the ear, and he
00:17:01
was outside in the corridor. That was like in these days you
00:17:04
can't do any of that. Yeah, it's crazy.
00:17:07
See what a horrible thing to say to somebody who is telling the
00:17:10
truth. This is the fourth time.
00:17:13
Steph has got me into trouble. A fourth time.
00:17:17
This is worse than the time in year two sacks previous and
00:17:20
being told off in year 5 by mrs. Story for looking at my report
00:17:23
before my mum and then of course, that that letter which
00:17:27
I'm referring to there guys, is the nikah thief letter.
00:17:30
Sophie got you got really in trouble for writing that letter
00:17:33
I thought that letter was very juicy piece of Journalism, I
00:17:35
thought yeah. Police investigation, it was
00:17:39
very funny as me and my friend, Rory was brilliant.
00:17:41
And I've signed off here guys, enough is enough.
00:17:45
Take care Sophie. What do you mean?
00:17:51
I don't know, I got going by it, I got over it because there were
00:17:55
there is there's no other entries after it, are you still?
00:17:59
But yeah, that's that was a day in the life of being a.
00:18:04
Well, I'll glue and whiteboard monitor, shall we?
00:18:06
Did you Keep the job. I did even after that.
00:18:10
Okay. So she did think I did.
00:18:12
I can't really remember. I assumed I would have done, but
00:18:17
I don't know. I think if I was a teacher and I
00:18:18
found out that I'd punished a kid for not for doing something
00:18:22
that they did, not like, for something they hadn't done, I'd
00:18:24
feel well bad. I'm still waiting for my
00:18:26
children. I mean, you think like, how much
00:18:28
shit I have to deal with all day with horrible annoying, kids,
00:18:33
and it's like, they've got something wrong.
00:18:34
I mean, if they go, I am so sorry.
00:18:37
I didn't realize it was step. You do your complete within your
00:18:40
right to be annoyed and I shouldn't have called you a
00:18:42
Telltale and please don't try to test for about me, right?
00:18:45
Or do they just go? I've got I've got marking about
00:18:48
lesson planning to do. I've got steps shat on the wall.
00:18:52
Like well I've got stuff to deal with right there was always a
00:18:56
kid, wasn't there in primary school that wiped their poo on
00:18:58
the walls. It's me.
00:19:01
Okay, I get brown card movies. Moving swiftly on.
00:19:09
No, I don't think I ever saw any pool on the wall.
00:19:11
Okay? With that was in the boys.
00:19:12
Toilets, we never saw it in ours.
00:19:14
We had a lot of kids wet themselves.
00:19:16
There was a lot of what yourself.
00:19:18
Yeah, I remember once like this kid called Kristoff, I'm sure
00:19:21
he's very happy now, not constantly pissing himself, but
00:19:24
he a member in, pissing himself in EastEnders, EastEnders
00:19:35
assembly, And then and I remember him putting his hand up
00:19:41
and mr. Lee was the name of our
00:19:42
Headmaster, and he went and then like, obviously was too late and
00:19:47
he just pissed. And like the everyone sort of
00:19:49
was like, Stephen back. Like it was a scene out of that
00:19:52
film volcano where the lavas coming towards you and we're
00:19:54
like, I like everyone's like jumping on the benches to get
00:19:59
away from Whole Brazil. Worst aren't they a little
00:20:02
pissed off? Of interest.
00:20:07
When was the last time you pissed yourself 21?
00:20:12
Yeah you know specifically yeah I was really I was really really
00:20:17
drunk and I wet the bed so there we go.
00:20:21
That's my I was 20. Six.
00:20:27
Yeah, howdy now 31 tell me please.
00:20:35
I had a dream that I was in this beautiful look like glass
00:20:41
bathroom with beautiful, sea shells and everything.
00:20:44
And I remember wanting to the toilet, but I think don't want
00:20:47
it was working. So, I sat in the sink, this
00:20:49
beautiful seashell sink and I weed in the sink and then I woke
00:20:54
up and was Was aware that I was actually weighing and I wasn't a
00:20:59
star from anymore and I got out of bed and I was like, oh my
00:21:03
God, I was in shock and I think I was still half asleep.
00:21:05
So I I did the autopilot thing, when you're a kid and I just
00:21:08
took off my, my sheets and Mi do re and I changed my clothes and
00:21:11
I went back to sleep and I woke up in the morning like that was
00:21:14
a very weird double dream and then I saw the pile on the floor
00:21:17
and apparently. Easy thing, if you're going to
00:21:21
like a stressful time, adult bed wetting can happen.
00:21:26
And if you're absolutely bladdered in my case your
00:21:29
bladdered. Yeah.
00:21:30
But because so, few of the excuse you were drunk, I was
00:21:32
just sad. Excuse me, sir, you had a lovely
00:21:37
shell to pee in, I've what I thought it was actually just
00:21:40
kissing myself and then and then only says it's not feel.
00:21:44
That is so like TMI, isn't it? Crazy, so to you my, but then I
00:21:48
remember when I lost my mom. Well that man when did you ever
00:21:50
like what yourself as an adult? She was like, oh yes.
00:21:52
In my twenties. Just the once and as I owe me
00:21:54
too. It's just, I think it's just a
00:21:55
thing in our family. So now we are you go.
00:21:59
Wow. That's you could share it with
00:22:01
us. I mean, I have to say like, um,
00:22:03
like mother like daughter, I haven't pissed myself for.
00:22:07
I don't remember, like, I feel like I got a very, I feel like
00:22:09
I've got a good control of my bladder, like a bladder control.
00:22:13
Yeah, I do at this point, you know what you're like in pain,
00:22:16
you need a piss so much and yes. I haven't no, I miss myself.
00:22:21
You have a little blood water. I've got a teeny bladder.
00:22:24
She has got little bladder mines made of iron apart from if it's
00:22:28
filled with a liter of peach snaps.
00:22:31
Yeah, I used to have it but I will not apart from then, but
00:22:39
but, but as I got older as well, and I've had a lot of damage
00:22:43
from UTIs. Oh my God, what are you gonna do
00:22:45
that? When you've had a baby?
00:22:47
Oh my God. I have about 20 minutes after I
00:22:50
have a drink now but I need to be near a toilet.
00:22:53
That's how that's how fluid it is in.
00:22:55
This podcast is sponsored by Tena lady.
00:22:58
Yeah, I wish I'll need it. Jayde will come to the part of
00:23:06
the podcast where you've had some beautiful nose right in.
00:23:11
So take it away. What have you got for us today?
00:23:13
Right, so we did it. We did a shout out.
00:23:15
We asked people and I asked people a bit of a variation.
00:23:18
I was like, what? The naughtiest thing you've
00:23:20
done, what the worst white lie? You've told or as anyone else if
00:23:25
you ever got in trouble for something else.
00:23:27
So we've had a little like a bit a while while what am I trying
00:23:31
to say? We've had a wide varied, we've
00:23:35
just had a lot of answers there. We are varied response.
00:23:38
That's what I'm trying to say. Thank you.
00:23:41
Okay, so someone said there, they worst thing they ever did
00:23:47
was the Zips their younger brother.
00:23:49
Up in a suitcase, only for the zip to get stuck and the parents
00:23:54
had to cut him out of the suitcase.
00:23:56
So he got in trouble for nearly killing his brother and
00:23:59
destroying a valued piece of property, value of property
00:24:04
looking for someone here. This is Jack, Dexter, he said
00:24:09
the naughtiest thing he's ever done.
00:24:10
I'm is very, very nice name of it.
00:24:13
Israel, he ran through a field of wheat.
00:24:18
I Dexter might actually be. Is that not?
00:24:22
The trees are my reference trees, amazing?
00:24:24
Right? Under a synonym or something
00:24:30
sternum. Yes, yes, yeah.
00:24:36
It's a different word for her name.
00:24:47
Right. And then we've got here.
00:24:51
I used to drawing, when I was younger at my auntie's house, I
00:24:53
accidently drawed on her favorite couch pillow.
00:24:57
So I hit the pen Mark and I waited for my cousin to be sat
00:25:02
right there and then she got the blame for it.
00:25:04
So I didn't get in trouble went down with the ship that one.
00:25:08
I remember actually I'm really really bad at like fibbing.
00:25:13
Remember smashing like a vows wasn't, it was my mum's cabinet
00:25:16
and remember, it being like it was her wedding one and I tried
00:25:20
like, I tried to put it back and hide like the bit that had
00:25:23
smashed and stuff. And I had to tell them like, I
00:25:25
like, I also remember like I would, I do so.
00:25:28
You did FIB. You just told the truth.
00:25:30
Yeah. I physically struggle like the
00:25:32
guilt. If he cannot lie, it just the
00:25:35
guilt in the say no. Yeah.
00:25:37
And I remember Primary School, we'd been given chalk to draw on
00:25:40
the playground and I draw on an extra Circle.
00:25:43
Well, then I should have done. And I, yeah, and I went home and
00:25:47
I was mortified and I was praying for it to rain so that
00:25:50
it would wash off. Like I was like, please please,
00:25:52
please. Yeah.
00:25:52
And I check it. The name is awful.
00:25:55
But the one time I did line, I don't know.
00:25:58
It's been true, is we were on holiday in Spain and mean
00:26:02
Catherine. My little sister was sharing a
00:26:04
bed, and she like proper sticks a bum out when she sleeps and I
00:26:08
woke up and it was like, not woke up, was half asleep in her
00:26:11
bum had been like, and she kicks me.
00:26:13
It sticks a bum out. And I woke up and 11 book was in
00:26:16
my face because I was half asleep, and it was really
00:26:19
annoying me. I just bit it to make a move,
00:26:23
but I bet it like so hard that it looked like it was like Bruce
00:26:27
and interested. You look up screaming obviously.
00:26:30
I kind of woke up and was like, oh God, I did that and then I
00:26:34
let everybody think it was it was a bite from an insect,
00:26:39
really? Yeah.
00:26:40
Sorry Katherine, if you listening to me than with, with
00:26:43
the Give me sir, sighs teeth, wow.
00:26:48
Like a little nip, it was little little nip, but yeah, no.
00:26:50
I, the guilt come to think of it.
00:26:52
Like, I actually did. I used to, like, what a lot, but
00:26:56
more just for a bit of drama, really in my life, but my mum is
00:27:02
a horse riding instructor, right?
00:27:04
It makes a sound really Posh but it's not.
00:27:06
She just went to the pasta people's houses and told them
00:27:08
how to ride their horses. They could the Pyrenees.
00:27:11
But anyway, I remember that I said, Long as a kid to just sort
00:27:14
of be wandering around the yard like chatting to horses and I a
00:27:21
brand-new jacket. I think that my mom had got me
00:27:23
from light and Tesco's or something.
00:27:26
And I got a pair of scissors and cut a little hole in the jacket
00:27:32
and and said, oh yeah, the horse bit it and ripped it.
00:27:37
Why do we do that? As kids thought the story would
00:27:40
be great. Yeah, we had, I love it.
00:27:43
Like the idea of it. Yeah, like I never happened.
00:27:48
Yes, I did that. I took stuff too far.
00:27:51
I'd like I'd be so bored at school that I just want some
00:27:54
kind of drama and adventure and I remember I lied about being
00:27:58
late to class because I said this is really bad looking back
00:28:01
at it. I said that I couldn't, I was
00:28:04
late for class because there was a girl on the roof and she was
00:28:07
about to jump and I had to talk her down.
00:28:13
Like obviously, nobody believe me.
00:28:16
I don't know why. I thought I don't like a dog
00:28:19
again. I was like, yeah, like know
00:28:21
where he got that. You've obviously seen it in a
00:28:22
fight scene in a movie. That's pretty cool.
00:28:25
It was like a cool thing. Not talk to tell man.
00:28:28
Yeah we have looking at the light.
00:28:31
Well, I'm late, I don't lie but something that I've done my
00:28:36
entire life and also my hands and my husband does and my
00:28:40
entire family do is Will exaggerate a bit?
00:28:43
Yeah. Yeah.
00:28:43
Like if there's a room of like the farm a bit of an exaggerator
00:28:46
but like I only had a little bit which is so strange, it would be
00:28:50
like if there was four people in the room hours last like six
00:28:52
people. Yeah.
00:28:53
You're not gonna sit more like yeah.
00:28:55
Like a little bit of people. They're all I got there was
00:29:01
absolutely no one on the roof I exaggerated Warriors Ali.
00:29:04
Yeah, that's a lie. Sophie and I had had talked
00:29:09
someone down off the roof with his help.
00:29:10
We talk to people down off the roof.
00:29:13
Did another little lie. You know, there's a similar one
00:29:16
to your brother. No, you was at your cousin and
00:29:18
who know it was. The person who'd written in sin,
00:29:20
they put the weighted tilde cousin was next to the drawing
00:29:23
on the pillow. Yeah.
00:29:25
And I remember doing that where I used to that Christmas cake,
00:29:29
right? I don't like Christmas cake, but
00:29:31
I love the Ice Line. Love the I sit, I love the ice
00:29:34
in love the marzipan. Yes, please, The Fruitcake bit.
00:29:38
So I remember like getting the getting the icing off the
00:29:42
Christmas cake. And eating the icing.
00:29:44
But I knew I was going to get told off a just eating the icing
00:29:46
because obviously most people like both.
00:29:48
Mmm. All right, so what I did Was, I
00:29:51
Thinkin all the icing and then I've got the Christmas cake and
00:29:53
just put it in the dog's basket. And the, with a big dog began
00:29:57
Sation dog, and the dog got told off for e, in the Christmas cake
00:30:03
and I had set the stroke of Genius to be fair.
00:30:06
All right. Yeah.
00:30:07
Sorry about that his. I think the definitely one that
00:30:11
I use now, is when Say no worries if not because I
00:30:15
definitely don't like that. Oh yeah, no worries.
00:30:19
It's not and it's like I'm worried.
00:30:20
It's not would be a bit pissed off at you.
00:30:22
Did that with me, you devil you must love to the podcast.
00:30:26
No worries, if not like there is worries.
00:30:28
If not, if not I also am in. Lockdown, what am I doing?
00:30:33
I'm really busy, actually, what you doing?
00:30:36
Just stuff. Nothing else.
00:30:38
No worries. If not there were worries.
00:30:41
It were we were like what We wouldn't have had anyone on the
00:30:44
show. Look.
00:30:45
So there was a lot of worries, if not.
00:30:47
Exactly. I'm not a t-shirt.
00:30:48
No worries. If not.
00:30:50
Yeah. It's very worried.
00:30:52
Yeah. Oh, and this one, I think this
00:30:54
is my favorite one. This is said in school.
00:30:57
I push someone off the slide, and they started crying, and
00:31:00
they told the teacher, and I hated getting in trouble.
00:31:03
So I said that there was a rat that she tripped over and it
00:31:06
wasn't exactly unbelievable. Everyone started screaming,
00:31:09
thinking the school was infested and I lied again and they said,
00:31:13
No infested with rats, it was my pet and then everyone wanted to
00:31:17
pet it. But I said no it likes dark
00:31:19
spaces and it B because I was lying about my imaginary rat.
00:31:24
Absolutely brilliant. So that's the situation where
00:31:27
you're lying, overlying overlying, and it's just getting
00:31:29
worse and worse and worse. Get more.
00:31:30
More carried away with it. I love it.
00:31:32
Imagine a teacher coming up here.
00:31:33
You've got a kid that's clearly falling off a slide and you know
00:31:35
what? It wasn't me.
00:31:36
It was the rat apparently as well, that that is a clear sign
00:31:40
of lying is over a Ian. Yeah, it was a ration.
00:31:45
It was around. And it was it was called Terry
00:31:46
and it was this. Yeah, exactly.
00:31:49
Yeah. Is often less facts.
00:31:52
I bet the teacher just like bullshit.
00:31:54
You told the first ever lie God I reckon bollocks the first
00:32:06
light. And what was the first line that
00:32:07
we all told as young people like I can't remember specifically
00:32:12
but with there would have been a time when I Our brains would
00:32:14
have known what was real, and what wasn't, and we would have
00:32:16
chosen the dark path. Yes.
00:32:18
Drinking is dark in all of us? Yes.
00:32:24
And thus concludes today's podcast, while.
00:32:28
Lovely up was feeling really good at the beginning and ice,
00:32:31
and that's pressed. Yeah, I know.
00:32:33
Yeah. Ben.
00:32:35
Wow, this has been pretty low given fantastic.
00:32:39
Thank you, Lily, so much been an absolute pleasure where can
00:32:42
people find Find you. You can find me what you want to
00:32:46
give up my home address, so learn all that.
00:32:49
Oh, you can find me. I'm on Twitter, I'm on Instagram
00:32:57
and you can watch me on steps. Packed lunch on Channel, 4,
00:32:59
twice a week, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, and some other days
00:33:05
follow me, sweat Steph's, pack lunch.
00:33:07
That's not lunch time before. Yeah, so glucose glue it down in
00:33:11
the corner. It's gloomy girl got a TV.
00:33:13
Oh my God, which is And Thus We've covered with my God.
00:33:20
That's glued lunch. So yes, so you can find me or
00:33:24
follow me on Twitch. I stream on Twitch and I'm
00:33:27
enjoying that. Okay, cool.
00:33:28
Look at wonderful inch. There we go.
00:33:31
We've got TV /link, a thank you, thank you all men.
00:33:34
Thank you so much, Luke. And yeah, that's it from us,
00:33:37
guys. We'll see you all again.
00:33:38
Well we won't will hear, you know, you won't.
00:33:40
You'll hear us. I'll finish that.
00:33:42
I've done it again. I've ruined the ending
00:33:44
nevermind. It's okay, buddy.