Enjoy our Dear Mr. Knickerthief Valentines special with hilarious YouTuber and comedian Chi with a C. Was it true love for Sophie in the alley behind the shoe factory? Join us as we chat all things firsts, and Jahannah lifts the lid on some rather embarrassing stories (obv) concerning the big V day.
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00:00:00
So he so he pops his bottle of champagne up the foof and and
00:00:05
Port like tilts it. Pours, champagne inside.
00:00:07
I don't know why he thought that would be good Central.
00:00:10
She said it burned like the fire of Hades and obviously she he
00:00:16
champagne is really, really fizzy.
00:00:18
And so, it basically poured gas, loads of are up in fight her.
00:00:24
You, this podcast, talks openly about mental health, sex
00:00:28
relationships, and various other person.
00:00:30
Subjects that some people may find triggering.
00:00:32
Now, I know what you're thinking, so I'm just going to
00:00:34
explain a little bit. Why do you mr.
00:00:36
Nick, a thief. So, basically long story short,
00:00:39
when I was in year 5, I went swimming with my class and a guy
00:00:43
came in the changing room and stole everybody's knickers.
00:00:46
So I did what any responsible ten-year-old girl would do.
00:00:49
And I will a letter addressed to said, local pedo printed it off
00:00:53
and handed it out around my class.
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It contained some comedy gold if I do say so myself poetic
00:01:00
Almost. Yeah, not only did little Sophie
00:01:03
writes the local paedophile. She also wrote to herself every
00:01:06
day in her diary and when we found it, we like this is
00:01:09
hilarious. People have to hear this,
00:01:11
though. Your we are.
00:01:15
Hi, everyone and welcome back to another episode of dear mr.
00:01:20
McCarthy. Hi, I'm Sophie Craig.
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And of course we've got, I'm Johanna James and we're joined
00:01:28
today by fabulous. Lady, guest lady, first lady of
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the season. I know Lady of the season from
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the budgeted. I've got literally thinking that
00:01:41
Lucha, yay. So yeah, we're here with us and
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she is always known as CHI with a see YouTuber, slash comedian,
00:01:51
slash content, creators, such actress extraordinaire.
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You may have seen her on this morning.
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She does a great impression of Phil and Holly, Hold, I've still
00:02:01
haven't watched budgeting, oh, you picked.
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I feel like I haven't got the brain for it, though.
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No, I mean, no brains required. It's just, yeah.
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It's very much and boobs. Charlie boobs is drama and
00:02:15
boobies. That's Erika.
00:02:17
America has made Sharia drama. Yeah, so it's all I couldn't get
00:02:22
over door that the whole way through it.
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Like so the girl that the main girl in it that plays Daphne his
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wits. Oh my God.
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Yeah, that was it. As soon as I was, as I really,
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honestly, Googled it. She's the spit of a young Sally
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web Joe thought. Come on, Sal.
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I know good measure of whether field she's the the ancestor.
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Yeah. Oh I love it.
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Just don't watch it with your parents or your name, or
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anything like that because it's great.
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Saucy, it's the steamy moments. I watched all my is it fine?
00:03:04
But I wanted it to be Saucy. I'm not gonna lie.
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She can you go? They were they would they were
00:03:12
doing it in the graph. You have you seen and written
00:03:15
365 days on Netflix? Oh yes.
00:03:18
Yes, what's that? Oh God don't want food.
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What's the line and they say your loss baby?
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Girl. Know what is it baby?
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Girl. Oh, I see people listening.
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I'm like, I don't understand anything.
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What you need to do is you need to go home and do some research
00:03:36
watch 365 days and Bridget earn and then you'll be up to scratch
00:03:39
and you can join on the band's. Okay?
00:03:42
Yeah. You go like shit and let us know
00:03:44
what you think - Saucy yeah if you can call being and yet six
00:03:51
on Valentine's Day so I'll see that's exactly where we're
00:03:54
going. Okay, back to what did you see?
00:03:58
But do Day. 2005 got a job. I don't know.
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I didn't date it. I just wrote 14th of February.
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What I'm really old now. So like we're talking 20 years
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ago. 2001 maybe even further back. 2002 feel like it was a
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decent. I don't know.
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Where were you boys 2001? Oh so is my sister we're
00:04:23
actually ancient now actually a joke.
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Okay, we'll leave that there and thanks for For coming.
00:04:32
Okay, here we go. The 14th of step two thousand
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such maybe 2001. Dear Tessa who have something my
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diary's called Tessa. It was any way back then was
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even called test. I don't even know anyone, but
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there's like a made in the 1800's is called Tessa my Nana.
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She gave me the diary. That's why I named it to named
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after her. Yeah, because I've been Read it
00:04:59
on Frank's diary and she had named his Kitty so that we don't
00:05:02
need a name for mine because you know, a senator named a diary.
00:05:06
Um, yeah, good for an go on on day is Valentine's Day.
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And what a day it has been. I can't believe what's happened.
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Let me start from the beginning. Oh, please do.
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I don't do. What, what tickles me most is
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that, I just, I don't know who I'm I'm writing for but I you
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have ten years old but you're writing as if you're writing
00:05:36
your Memoirs of your life at like 90 years old like I'll
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start at the beginning of like this is what I mean I think I
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was very heavily influenced by Iran.
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You know mother's style of oh yeah.
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Okay, our an sorry about Aaron. Yep, let me start from the
00:06:06
beginning. I woke up and had some toast for
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breakfast. I got to school and of course,
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today is Valentine's Day. Of course.
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It is. Of course, it's Louis got David
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a card with a sheep on. It said that said, I love you
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and it welcome. I open brackets.
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I've put here, are you as a female sheep?
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Oh, just in case, I'll wow, I'll explain the joke for you.
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I look not like note to self. And then this is the best part.
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I think this is like every every Primary School it's like child
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experience. We did some marriages in the
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playground today and Daniel tried to make me marry him, but
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I did not want to. I just want to practice the
00:06:41
dance moves to tragedy married. It's cooled.
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Got married. I don't think I ever did know.
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I was always kind of a bit too hard to get.
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You know, I was just always focusing on work.
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Yeah, practicing my career. Tragedy.
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Yeah, but yeah, we get married. I've got steps today.
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There was an area of our playground, which we called,
00:07:08
like the rec area or something. And it was like the rough area.
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There we are. The altar, the altar, The Altar,
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and he was kind of out of sight from where the teachers were.
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So you'd go over to the rough area, and that's where you could
00:07:22
get married or have a fight, or, but they're rough area.
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Wow, the rough area. And I remember, Were getting
00:07:29
married or propose to one day. I don't know who was mayor of
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me. I can't remember, but I remember
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being. So concerned that mocks I had a
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brother who was two years younger, he was in year four or
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something. And I was so worried that he was
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going to spot that I was getting married until my mom and I going
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to get in trouble because going to object because I wasn't
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allowed to get married. And my mom was like, no, no
00:07:49
hollaback just arrived. I object, I am jacked.
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I'm sorry, that's Amazon, Fairway.
00:07:57
So before we were rudely interrupted by, Is on there.
00:08:01
I'm gonna add a hashtag, not an ad, we're talking about Zack,
00:08:04
your brother objecting to your marriages, in the playground.
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Yeah, we used to get married on like there's like a paint.
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What's it called? Like a snakes and ladders on the
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floor and that would be. That would be where we all got
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married over there. Mmm, was that a metaphor for the
00:08:19
relationship as well? Like you just didn't know what
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full of snakes I love snakes is all ladders, all the amounts
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about us. We all got married, I'm sure
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there's plenty of snacks going on.
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I didn't come to think of it. I'm probably still married to
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someone mmm from the playground. So true.
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Don't we? Lo never got the divorce.
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You never got to. Yeah, we didn't have any divorce
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courts. There we were on the ball, that
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March. But right, so on this
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Valentine's Day, 2000 and something you were off to get
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married. No, no.
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Daniel tried to make me. Marry him.
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I did not want to Johanna. I just wanted to practice the
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dance. Move to tragedy steps.
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Yes. They are enough.
00:09:00
I think so. I do other people called it
00:09:04
frigid hot dog and fries for dinner.
00:09:08
Just pop that in there. Nice.
00:09:10
Yeah, this is probably quite possibly one of the most
00:09:13
northern sentences. You might hear on the way back
00:09:18
home through the alley. We were walking past the shoe
00:09:20
factory. All that.
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Yeah, you were born in 1804, he just started making shoes.
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Somebody started to make shoes somebody burned out down in our
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school when we were in secondary school.
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Yeah. They went and burn it down.
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So this she went past the shoe factory.
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Hmm. Sorry.
00:09:46
So yeah, we walked down the aisle because a shoe factory
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Josh came over with a bang on the door.
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Chocolate heart. Do you remember?
00:09:52
On the doll. A groovy check.
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Well, I threw that shit groovy chick.
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Yeah. Did you do you know groovy
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chick? I know.
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Yeah, I may be young in age but in my head I am definitely in my
00:10:03
mid-40s. She was definitely born in the
00:10:05
90s. Yeah, 100% groaning.
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I was born in the seventies, all 70s.
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Yeah. What would that mean?
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Yeah, love to be a groovy chick. Yeah, but groovy chick, but back
00:10:15
on the door. There's a ban on the dark
00:10:17
chocolate heart. Anyway, he gave it to me.
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He'd scribbled out Claire's near man.
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Drop mine instead. He said, she didn't want it.
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Wow, three cycling. I mean, he's, you know, it was
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rejected by Claire and then he gave it to me naturally.
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And of course I received gratefully great as and
00:10:35
chocolate with the my name not on it.great, received,
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gratefully. I finally mustered up the
00:10:41
courage to send Joe. My Valentines can't.
00:10:45
Wow. Mmm, this is pretty good on you.
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Thanks to you got a chocolate from Josh but you were sending
00:10:50
Joe a card. Yeah, this is School as well.
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So it's like you know this is like the next level of
00:10:56
relationship, not just a relationship in school.
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Yeah, and outside of school, it wasn't a relationship.
00:11:02
Didn't get very far. Anyway, I wrote Happy
00:11:04
Valentine's Day in it and I didn't write my name.
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So he might not even know that it was from me, still on our
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way. He does.
00:11:10
Hang on, do you put XOXO? Who is it?
00:11:18
Well, this is what I thought II left some cryptic Clues girls.
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Oh, it's Said my teacher says I have nice handwriting and I
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stuck a pug in it for him. Oh, he's doing the fireworks.
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I love Pork. Yeah, awesome.
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Ugh. Walked is a punk.
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I don't even know. Actually what they were.
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I don't know how to play them. I just wanted one because
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everyone else wanted one, but I don't know what they did.
00:11:44
Yeah, you know what? I'm going to quit Google.
00:11:46
What it's like. There were like little pieces of
00:11:49
plastic plastic. They were like, little Circles
00:11:52
of cardboard. Or plastic.
00:11:53
Yeah and I had like little slits in the side but I don't really
00:11:58
they want it was some kind of basic game that the victorians
00:12:01
basically had and we would love them.
00:12:04
And everyone's like you're God, you got collector Pogues and you
00:12:06
bring them to the playground. You'd swap him.
00:12:08
I don't know what else you do with them, but they were just a
00:12:10
thing that you have. Yeah, they will.
00:12:12
And they're also called, like, milk caps.
00:12:14
Apparently, never heard that song.
00:12:16
Look apps is again, that was poppy.
00:12:18
Oh my God, this makes me feel so bloody old.
00:12:22
Old milk caps is a game. That was popular among children
00:12:25
do the during the early to mid-1990s the name, POG is owned
00:12:29
by the world POG Federation. It's a brand of juice made from
00:12:33
Passion Fruit, orange, and guava.
00:12:35
The use of POG bottle caps to play the game preceded.
00:12:38
The game's commercial, I they were bottle caps, I mean, no,
00:12:45
no, they weren't. No, they were a cool game of
00:12:49
circle, things that you would, but that's must be They started
00:12:53
from like people playing with bottle tops.
00:12:55
Are we? That old we didn't have
00:12:57
anything. We didn't have social media, or
00:12:59
computers, or TVs, or anything. We just played the portal cats
00:13:02
because we were poor in the back.
00:13:04
Led by the shoe factory in your diary, like writing in my diary
00:13:10
dear to those were the days. Wow, bloody hell.
00:13:15
I feel a million years old. Not, I'm aging twice as fast in
00:13:18
this lot of down, I've got to admit, but that made me feel
00:13:21
like prehistoric. Thanks.
00:13:23
I feel like I mean in pugs, as in the dog, you gave him a dog.
00:13:27
I still think I'm gonna come now anyway in the currency of the
00:13:35
day that was something cooler once and get a puzzle.
00:13:38
Yeah, gift. It was a lot of gift.
00:13:40
That was a lot of gift then. Yeah.
00:13:42
So you, you gave him a Pogue and your heart.
00:13:45
And what did he say? I didn't even notice from you.
00:13:48
No, I didn't because I put it there.
00:13:49
Is that a box and ran. And so, it says, he only lives
00:13:51
down the hill. Mom drove me down.
00:13:53
So I could put it through. Is that a box and run off?
00:13:56
And then the best thing happened.
00:14:01
You won the lottery better. It's nice out tonight.
00:14:07
I found a card in the porch, with a Cream Egg.
00:14:11
Wow, he's upped it. Was it from him.
00:14:14
It was this crime job. I couldn't believe it.
00:14:19
It's requited my God. Mmm, the cream makers?
00:14:23
Well, pretty big deal. It's a pretty big deal.
00:14:26
Did you eat it? What would you do?
00:14:28
Did you know God? I've written out the poem here
00:14:31
that was in it. Oh, wow.
00:14:33
And I at the time, I remember thinking that this poem was
00:14:35
really personal, he taken time to write it and now I realize
00:14:40
it's just a standard poem. Go on, just read it to her
00:14:42
recital. Recite, we're waiting them.
00:14:45
The poem said this. Roses are red, violets are blue,
00:14:49
sugar is sweet, and Sophie is too.
00:14:53
So I thought because the my name wasn't it.
00:14:55
Yeah, it was personal very personal.
00:14:57
Yeah, but it all out but it is one of those poems were.
00:15:00
It's just insert name here, isn't it?
00:15:03
I don't think it would win like a spoken word event, but there
00:15:07
was hot there and obviously there was the cream mix and
00:15:09
we've got a talk in terms of gift cards.
00:15:11
Exactly Pub versus Cream Egg and they were bigger back then, as
00:15:15
well. They Were they were bigger.
00:15:17
They were wait to hear what lot more Dairy, Delta Chi, they were
00:15:21
and freddo's were only five, okay, they were another about
00:15:25
five pound. Don't know, you don't have
00:15:27
lotion. So this is just an old.
00:15:30
Would it sound like old ladies? Grumbling about the good but
00:15:34
always in the back of the factory and the bugs and the,
00:15:37
yeah, I'm a woman after this. I'm going to gonna go and try
00:15:42
and do something to feel youthful again.
00:15:44
Yeah, I'm going to take them to make a tick tock, I don't to do
00:15:46
it. for some Downton Abbey, what channel Sally Webster, the mayor
00:15:51
of Koro Wow, signs off this. I was so happy.
00:15:59
I'm so glad I called my hamster. Joe, well, good night, so free.
00:16:06
What happened to Joe? What's the end of that story?
00:16:08
Nothing, your husband. No.
00:16:10
Oh no, no, no. Bless him.
00:16:12
I don't know what he's doing. Yeah, it was just Joe.
00:16:15
Yeah, Joe, if you're listening. Hello, I hope you're well.
00:16:18
Thanks for the egg. Thanks for the Egg and I hope
00:16:21
you still have your POG. Yeah, that was it, that was as
00:16:23
far as it went. I don't ever remember it going
00:16:26
any further. It doesn't feature in the diary.
00:16:27
Again, that's the end of that and that was the end of that.
00:16:32
I got my Cream Egg, and I ate it.
00:16:33
And that was it. So, What was that was
00:16:36
Valentine's Day back then. I've had a lot worse Valentine's
00:16:40
Day, I will say had and better and had better, but up until
00:16:45
that, that was the peak, the my first Ines de memory of
00:16:50
Valentine's Day. I remember, I think I must have
00:16:52
been about four or five like very young.
00:16:56
And I arrived at at church for the Sunday school and my friend
00:17:01
at the time called Andrew. He bounded up.
00:17:05
Me in church and he'd made this huge card.
00:17:08
Like as a five-year-old it was like the size of a five Road.
00:17:11
He'd and it was like glitter probably like pasta and it was
00:17:14
all like he put effort into this card and I was mortified because
00:17:19
like everybody saw me like get it was like right at the front
00:17:22
of the group where everybody was and he was like here you go.
00:17:25
Happy Valentine's Day or something and it was like I love
00:17:28
you or not and I was mortified because I didn't feel that way
00:17:30
romantically inclined and I was like, oh thank you.
00:17:34
And then my mom was like you To make him one back and I was like
00:17:37
ah I don't want to I don't want to and I was like you have to do
00:17:42
it's what you do with that Aunt Ines de like.
00:17:45
So I made this like really half-assed I didn't put the best
00:17:48
glitter on it, you know what I mean?
00:17:50
Hmm, crumbs. Yeah, just a quick tears of
00:17:55
sadness and being forced to give it back to him and I was just
00:17:59
like, yeah. And that was my first
00:18:05
Valentine's Day is being like mortifyingly embarrassed, like a
00:18:09
public display of affection and then being forced to make a
00:18:13
card. Yeah, I think I've got a card.
00:18:16
I remember like the first guy like my first love.
00:18:19
I'm happy was like, 13 14. I've spoken about him on the
00:18:23
podcast before you made quite an impact.
00:18:26
And he gave me. I remember we were in science
00:18:31
and I teachers called mrs. White hope you're well and He
00:18:36
gave me a silk card in a box which was a pretty big deal
00:18:42
like, and I remember his best is best me.
00:18:45
His best. Mate girls who's like a little
00:18:46
sidekick, gas was also the guy that broke up with me for him.
00:18:50
I haven't. Do you remember that we're High?
00:18:54
Yeah. Someone saws said you doesn't
00:18:56
want to be with you anymore. I can be like okay great and
00:18:59
could he say himself? Yeah yeah I wish at that time I
00:19:03
did have gone about born and been like getting up just come
00:19:05
And say and self. We were living in a level of
00:19:09
anxiety where anyone could walk up to you, and just dumped, you
00:19:12
anyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:19:14
And, anyway, this behalf of yeah, this one obviously, you
00:19:18
know, didn't ask, but I remember getting a silk card off him.
00:19:21
And yeah, because it was like, wow, I really like it was a big
00:19:26
deal. And remember guys being like,
00:19:28
Yep, this is a really big deal. I think it might be even gals.
00:19:30
That gave me and I got a Teddy off him, this is in science
00:19:35
because obviously you See each other outside of classrooms, and
00:19:39
I got a little white bear with a red love, heart on it, and he'd
00:19:43
sprayed it in his lynx-o and used to lose.
00:19:48
Links that was like links, Africa and Lynx touch.
00:19:51
Wasn't there. There was like two.
00:19:53
Yeah, two different ones. Two different basic boy
00:19:56
packages. I had brothers and they use
00:19:58
links, so when I smell links, I just go with my brothers.
00:20:01
Yeah. I never liked it on any other
00:20:04
boy because I only With my brother's.
00:20:06
Yeah. For every, every boy in the
00:20:08
2000s would use it. But yeah, he sprayed it in Lynx
00:20:10
touch. And I remember being like, Oh my
00:20:12
God, I love the smell of this, because it smells like him.
00:20:14
And I remember going out and buying a bottle of lynx touch
00:20:17
and I would keep spraying the baroness so that I could like
00:20:21
sit and smell him. So it is things when you're
00:20:25
young and you fancy people, you know the weirdest thing my spell
00:20:27
do it. Now we still speaking and Lynx
00:20:29
touch and think of him Sophia told 20 years.
00:20:35
He was been over that. No, it hasn't been yet 184
00:20:38
years. It's the factory burned down.
00:20:41
It's the factory burned down. I've got no shoes.
00:20:47
I'm so yeah. Still going.
00:20:48
Yeah, it's still going till this day.
00:20:50
This guy wants gave me a safety pin.
00:20:53
I don't know why I like I think he actually handed me asleep
00:20:57
fluent or something. If I kept this safety pin on and
00:21:00
let me know for like ten months. Well, did it go?
00:21:04
Rusty, probably. I mean, it probably gave me
00:21:06
tetanus. It was just, it wasn't even.
00:21:08
It was just a bog standard safety pin.
00:21:11
And I also added all my God, I'm so I would also at night, I'd
00:21:14
like attach it to my teddy so it would be on the teddy.
00:21:17
Oh, we got. All right.
00:21:20
Now, what about YouTube? You've got into NYU still?
00:21:25
Honestly, I just ignore any kind of event.
00:21:28
That wasn't Christmas on my birthday.
00:21:29
I was such a self-absorbed child couldn't care less about
00:21:35
Valentine's Day. So it's just not as good as
00:21:38
Christmas. Is it is a big commercial.
00:21:40
We're not, ask you think about it over here as like America.
00:21:43
It's like a massive thing. Like, if you don't get a
00:21:45
valentine together, Valentine's dance.
00:21:48
You're a social, you know, reject.
00:21:51
But we did do this thing at school.
00:21:53
I don't know whether they were trying to make it so that they
00:21:56
would stop the embarrassment of people giving cars, but we note.
00:21:58
Remember, you had like trays at primary school so you'd have
00:22:01
your tray. Oh yeah, under the go and you.
00:22:05
You'd put your homework things in it and whatever you want to
00:22:08
do, pogs. Yeah.
00:22:09
And I remember that people could go a break, you could go and put
00:22:12
a Valentine's Day card in someone else's tray so that they
00:22:15
wouldn't know like who was from or whatever and I never got one
00:22:19
and I remember like my friend would get like five and she be
00:22:23
like, oh my goodness I got so many Valentines Day, God.
00:22:27
Oh my God, there's always one. That's always one.
00:22:34
Always one that always. It's all the cards.
00:22:36
Yeah. She got all the cards goal for
00:22:39
the day before is called galentine's day.
00:22:42
Now, it's like, that's a thing. Have you heard about this?
00:22:46
I thought it was the same day. I didn't realize it was a
00:22:49
specific specified day. That's brilliant.
00:22:52
I think it's the day before, or maybe I'm lying galentine's day
00:22:57
before, I can't remember. It's around that date.
00:23:00
You something lesser Jay didn't I Valentine's Day.
00:23:05
I did a little bit of research about Valentine's Day, do you
00:23:09
know, whence it arrived and why did the 14th of Ferb?
00:23:14
What it does? It's on the 14th of February it
00:23:17
dates back. Previously to that, the actual
00:23:19
Legend of Valentine's Day is actually amazing.
00:23:22
I like Valentine's a little bit more now that I know like,
00:23:24
whereas from Welcome Back In Time, way back when in around
00:23:29
two hundred and 69 ad thousands of years ago, a Roman priest
00:23:34
named Valentine Was put to death for illegally conducting
00:23:38
weddings between young couples because the the Aussie called
00:23:43
who has kicked in the playground, he was in the rough
00:23:45
area. He was the guy in the rough
00:23:47
area, getting all the kids in the married.
00:23:50
No. So the yeah, the king at the
00:23:52
time was like, he outlawed, young men getting married
00:23:55
because he thought soldiers would be better if they weren't
00:23:58
married, which makes sense. Because if men don't, you know,
00:24:02
finished then they get more testosterone.
00:24:04
So they say that before a boxing match to exactly they were using
00:24:07
that, but these young men but you know, obviously in love and
00:24:10
what not. So Valentine would be the guy
00:24:12
that you went to underground to get married and be able to have
00:24:17
you lady. However, he was found and he was
00:24:20
put to death and rumor, has it that he fell in, love with the
00:24:23
gaolers daughter. And on his way to the execution.
00:24:26
He passed her a note that said from your Valentine.
00:24:29
Oh my God, what a legend. And then it wasn't Do Liam about
00:24:38
200 years later that they decide to, he became a saint, when he,
00:24:42
when he was put to death, and then 200 years later, they
00:24:45
decided to get rid of a Roman festival and make it a Christian
00:24:49
one. They will.
00:24:49
I what can we do? I know why don't we have a day?
00:24:51
All about that. Saint that you know got killed
00:24:54
so the become a saint when they die in life.
00:24:59
No I think there was one that was the same in life.
00:25:03
I don't know. I'm not that but Father
00:25:04
Christmas wasn't He a saint at first.
00:25:07
Saint, Nick Old, Saint Nick. All you have to do is alive.
00:25:12
He's alive bless his little heart.
00:25:15
I say, what a legend that guy was, that old Valentine said
00:25:18
Valentine. I actually, yeah, I like
00:25:20
Valentine's Day more now. I know flow wasn't first.
00:25:23
Buy it. Yeah, I do too like as an adult.
00:25:27
You know, not like massive on it obviously at the age of 10 I was
00:25:31
like yeah give me the bang on the door chocolates the Prague
00:25:33
Sun, cream Thanksgiving voice but now You know, my oath give
00:25:36
it, I'll take it links Africa who legs, don't break, but like,
00:25:40
no, no, no, I appreciate it. But more, that's cute.
00:25:43
Maybe I'm a little bit sour though because I traced back in
00:25:48
my mind and I remembered when I was about 14 I did get stood up
00:25:55
on a Valentine's Day. Wasn't a Valentine's Day date as
00:25:58
such it was like, oh a whole bunch of teenagers were all
00:26:01
going to go hang out in Camden and just, like, hang out because
00:26:04
that's what we do, bro. And I remember being there was a
00:26:07
guy that was going to be there and it was Valentine's Day that
00:26:10
Saturday. So it was kind of like, oh we're
00:26:12
going to hang out on Valentine's Day.
00:26:13
But there's a group of people, so, not so much pressure.
00:26:15
But obviously in my mind, I was like, it's a date and I made him
00:26:19
a card, but it was like a kind of parody Valentine's Day cards.
00:26:24
So just in case a way I could be like, oh, it's just a joke.
00:26:27
Yeah. And I'm I wrote like a poem in
00:26:30
there and I did Jus little like, Stickman versions of Arsenic and
00:26:34
I took quite a lot of time. This card look like I hadn't
00:26:36
spent any time at all. One of those things.
00:26:39
Yeah yeah I went to Camden with my card and he didn't turn up
00:26:42
that day. I was like that's it.
00:26:46
I'm never going to do Valentine's Day over again.
00:26:51
Wasn't really that bothered after that I had a pretty
00:26:53
rubbish one. I had not long been dumped by a
00:26:56
long-term boyfriend. Just after I'd move kind of down
00:26:59
to London, not dumped, we decided to go our separate ways.
00:27:01
I was very dramatic, there wasn't?
00:27:03
I, it was dumped, I was Don't know, we distance the distance
00:27:11
consciously uncouple. We consciously uncoupled, that's
00:27:13
the one anyway. So I was pretty sad and then
00:27:16
I've been kind of saw a scene like a guy that I was working
00:27:19
with and then we ended up going out on Valentine's Day.
00:27:23
I travel all the way back down from a job that I'd had in the
00:27:26
north. I think so came all the way back
00:27:27
down. Then we all went on this night
00:27:28
out everybody in a bit of an argument.
00:27:31
Somebody got we done in the bus. Stop.
00:27:33
He fell over in the bus crash. Is from teeth.
00:27:36
And then, yeah, we spent a lovely evening together and woke
00:27:41
up full of regret, but I'm, yeah, that was.
00:27:45
That was a very romantic dead romantic.
00:27:48
Just got pissed on in a bus stop and someone lost their front
00:27:51
teeth. It's not a Valentine's Day
00:27:53
unless you lose a couple of teeth.
00:28:01
Jay, I'm sure you've had a lots of people get in touch with you.
00:28:04
Yes, regarding this topic. So, this week, we had so many
00:28:09
people like volunteering and writing in with their stories
00:28:12
and absolute Nightmares From Valentine's Day.
00:28:16
I think, because we do any any event that we really big up, and
00:28:20
we put a lot of Hope and drama and romance into, obviously,
00:28:23
when it goes wrong, it really goes wrong.
00:28:25
So, I've had a great plan like making out like, what the One is
00:28:29
what this one really stuck out to me because I could just I
00:28:32
really felt empathy for this lady.
00:28:35
So she said, one year a large box addressed to me was
00:28:40
delivered to my office on Valentine's Day and all the
00:28:43
colleagues gathered around. And as I was new to the company
00:28:46
and I wanted to make friends, I thought, I'll let them watch me
00:28:48
open it and we can all look at this together.
00:28:51
And I was seeing a guy at the time who often gave me gifts.
00:28:54
So getting something, wasn't a total surprise.
00:28:56
Only, it wasn't from him. It was from his mom.
00:28:59
And in the Box was a bunch of stuff that I'd left to his house
00:29:04
underwear Cosmetics books, and there was a note attached, it
00:29:06
said, nice to have known, you good luck with your life.
00:29:10
So he hasn't messaged me for a while, and I just assumed that
00:29:14
he'd been busy turns out that that meant, that he'd ended our
00:29:17
relationship and I hadn't realized, and it was like a
00:29:19
tragic scene from a rom-com and my colleagues will my work.
00:29:23
Colleagues. Were standing there.
00:29:24
Staring at my underwear. It was mortifying everybody.
00:29:26
Suddenly went back to their desks and I never lived it down.
00:29:29
His most recent that. Oh yeah.
00:29:31
Yes. Imagine your mum having to pick
00:29:33
up, man. Was the messenger.
00:29:35
Yeah, his mum was gasps. Yeah, I was scared.
00:29:38
Yeah. It's like imagine on Valentine's
00:29:42
Day was like, awesome but it's got a bottle and it's literally
00:29:45
like nice to have known. You good luck with your life
00:29:47
Apple days. You the original mum knows, I
00:29:50
know. Good luck with your life brutal,
00:29:56
but I know if you're dating someone, you need to learn how
00:29:58
to end this, you need to learn how to start.
00:29:59
And in relationships properly, my son, right?
00:30:01
So this is a memory hopping back to the times when you could, you
00:30:05
would talk to people on the telephone and you wouldn't
00:30:07
necessarily think that was the worst.
00:30:11
Doesn't it ring up the house when we like hey it's Sam is
00:30:14
so-and-so there but it's just a vanity get off the phone.
00:30:25
All right so this is from a Samus.
00:30:30
And it says, I once met a girl called change her name, to
00:30:33
Allison our high school to dance.
00:30:36
She laughed at my lack of dance moves and she pulled me close.
00:30:40
During during the Boys to Men End of the Road, looked into
00:30:43
each other's eyes and we made out on the dance floor for the
00:30:46
entire song, and she left me that night.
00:30:49
After writing, her phone number on my hand in a pink magic
00:30:52
marker. What the hell?
00:30:54
What's wrong man? Tick it is two weeks.
00:30:58
We spent hours on the On the phone talking every night, and
00:31:01
she agreed to be my Valentine. So, on February 14th.
00:31:03
I showed up at her parents house with a card, dozen roses and a
00:31:06
mix tape. And then when Alison opened the
00:31:09
door, she said, oh, you're the other guy from the dance, what I
00:31:14
want to go out with you, and then she shut the door and she
00:31:18
opened it up again, and she kept the flowers, but she gave him
00:31:22
back the mixtape and she left him the Sunday Mirror on his
00:31:25
own. And I'm like, wow, this
00:31:27
situation wouldn't happen now. Because obviously, you would
00:31:30
talk on like a FaceTime so you'd know instantly but this guy
00:31:34
invested two weeks of his life with Allison and then she's just
00:31:38
like, oh, you're the other guy. So sorry.
00:31:40
Was that would that listen? What's that guy's mum by?
00:31:44
These are very brutal route. I mean, they say all's fair in
00:31:48
Love and War but he's brutal times out there that's awful.
00:31:52
Yeah, that is really bad. This one I think as well this
00:31:57
has got to be the most embarrassing Valentine.
00:31:59
Stay that came in to us is that a few years ago I went on
00:32:01
holiday to India with my then boyfriend for 10 days, we had a
00:32:05
blissful time, eating fish on the beach, drinking cocktails
00:32:08
staying in a Lovely Hotel. The flight home was on
00:32:11
Valentine's Day and I wanted to make it the last day as romantic
00:32:14
as possible. Unfortunately, my stomach had
00:32:16
already good. I knew this was her own.
00:32:19
We were sitting at the gate when I felt really dodgy and I ran to
00:32:23
the Loo where I was extremely ill.
00:32:24
I blame the chicken burger that I'd had the night before the
00:32:27
only non Indian food or eating the whole trip.
00:32:29
After that, I felt fine until 20 minutes later, when we were
00:32:32
boarding and I motioned to my boyfriend with a panic.
00:32:35
Look in my eye and he immediately shouted and
00:32:38
everybody, can you move out the way my girlfriend's about to
00:32:41
shit herself. So, so discreet, good.
00:32:46
They might in, you know what? Yeah, she doesn't like people
00:32:49
would have moved. She spent the next five out of.
00:32:51
They wouldn't have what they five hours on the plane emptying
00:32:55
her bowels and to the plane and like sweating profusely unit and
00:32:59
This boyfriend that was like the worst time, but I would, I would
00:33:03
be my don't embarrass easily but if somebody announced that I was
00:33:05
about to shit myself and they needed the way I would probably
00:33:09
go, but pink like, that would be quite hard.
00:33:13
I don't even like, yeah, I wouldn't have got the plane.
00:33:16
I don't think I could have got the plane.
00:33:18
I've never heard anybody. Not go to India and not get a
00:33:22
bad tummy or Egypt as well. I'm about to the entire time in
00:33:27
Egypt and I'm a vegetarian. And I I stuck to the the cooked
00:33:31
foods like the cooked vegetable. I didn't eat salad.
00:33:34
I had a bad tummy the entire time.
00:33:36
It's the water, isn't it? That's like, oh yeah.
00:33:40
They say a nice. Yeah, ice.
00:33:43
That's a killer. I go to this.
00:33:44
I got a spin. I'm like, I'll have my drink.
00:33:47
Hold the ice. Yeah, I Ain't Gettin tonsillitis
00:33:50
ago. I started a can of coke, please?
00:33:52
I always get tonsillitis when I got Spain.
00:33:55
Don't know why. Yeah, yeah, must be the ice.
00:33:59
The ice. Well, that's your answer for
00:34:02
everything. It's the answer to ethnicity
00:34:05
ice. That's what it is.
00:34:06
It's must be the ice. Now, there's one more story that
00:34:10
I wanted to include because I think this is this actually
00:34:12
happened to a friend of mine. She will remain anonymous, but
00:34:15
it is my all-time favorite like Valentine's Day.
00:34:18
Disaster, slightly graphic. So let's just do it.
00:34:23
We're all ladies him. Hold on Till nickers held on to
00:34:26
your knickers Lads, ladies and lads.
00:34:30
So my friend, this is another very, very, very young rose
00:34:32
petals on the bed romantic R&B music like bottle of champagne,
00:34:38
mr. Paignton each other nude?
00:34:40
Yes, it was, it was that kind of vibe in an army and then because
00:34:44
this is where it gets really funny.
00:34:46
So they were there on the bed during the thing, getting down
00:34:49
to it during a bit of foreplay. And then the guy decides to do
00:34:54
something really kinky and was like, I'm gonna I'm gonna pop
00:34:57
the bottle of champagne. And on 16.
00:35:02
Yep, surely no, no, he he pops his bottle of champagne up the
00:35:07
foof and and Port like tilts it. Pours, champagne inside.
00:35:11
I don't know why he thought that would be good Central.
00:35:14
She said it burned like the fire of Hades and obviously she he
00:35:19
champagne is really really fizzy.
00:35:22
And so it basically poured gas, loads of are up inside her
00:35:28
uterus. And so she was like, ow, ow, no,
00:35:30
no, don't do that one, who don't do that and then the minute that
00:35:33
she moved. Horrendous Fanny farts,
00:35:36
horrendous my God because she's just had a liter of gas put up
00:35:40
inside her so she then proceeds to try and like run out the room
00:35:46
and it's you know you can imagine the Toots and that when
00:35:51
you go on a jog and you fight every step.
00:35:54
Yeah I like that. It's pretty much that and he was
00:35:56
like, don't worry, I'll help you and he was trying to like get
00:35:58
the air Out and it was just, she was like let's just leave it,
00:36:00
just leave it here. This is this is a disaster.
00:36:03
We draw the line here and I loved and I never let this
00:36:05
friend. Forget, I remember that time at
00:36:07
that boy, tried to pour champagne up.
00:36:08
Your family is the thing though. Isn't it like weird people is it
00:36:13
alcoholic stuff? Yeah, I would get UT imediately.
00:36:19
Looking at church for a week, nothing, edible is going down
00:36:22
there, like a sparkly, UTI, middle-class UTI Oh, dear, that
00:36:31
was beautiful. Thank you Johanna for that very,
00:36:34
informative discussion. Well, you can't talk about
00:36:36
Valentine's Day, not talk about cooking, it's not all
00:36:44
ballantine's day about giving pogs and an exile.
00:36:47
They look, I think this is Lucia.
00:36:52
Where can we find you anywhere? Really don't have to find me if
00:36:57
you don't want to. We don't need your address, not
00:37:01
your dress. I mean, like, can we find your
00:37:03
way? Kenny, where you can.
00:37:05
You can find me online but you don't, you know, just anywhere
00:37:09
only fans. Oh yeah, you could I'll do it
00:37:12
for you. Cheer with the see across.
00:37:13
All of us social score. Check out our YouTube or
00:37:15
Instagrams pop in as well. And I'm sure a to on a Twitter
00:37:18
game is stronger. If you do fancy laughs.
00:37:22
There you go. I'll do it for you.
00:37:23
My love. Don't you?
00:37:24
Worry. Find us at its James and Craig
00:37:27
or Instagram. Well, That's kind of it really
00:37:30
and if you can find us, oh, she's out to hundreds.
00:37:32
I'm at its Sophie Craig. Yeah, that's it.
00:37:35
Come find us, dear mr. - is available on Spotify, iTunes and
00:37:40
many other places that you can listen to pods.
00:37:43
Mmm. Unfortunately, we're not
00:37:45
sponsored by Jeff Bezos, and I was on yet, but it was want to
00:37:48
buy an Frank. Thank you.
00:37:50
Anne bless her soul.