Cult or not

[00:00:02] Let's talk about your dream type. Oh, it's difficult. Go on. Okay, he has to be for every adventure and of course look great. And he will never let me wait for long. Sounds ridiculous after the new Ford Puma Gen E. He is faster than your smartphone from 10 to 80% in only 23 minutes. Then I have to try to drive! The new Ford Puma Gen E. Now try to book on Ford.de.

[00:00:36] Should we do a podcast? What would we even call it? MindMap! Ah, go on then. Welcome back to another episode of MindMap with Billy and Jack. Nobody fucking cares about that.

[00:00:59] Did you know, in 2008, Fred Boer, the man who invented the Pringles can, passed away. In 2008? Yeah, the man who invented the Pringles can passed away. His last wish? He wanted to be buried in a Pringles can. Shut up. What did he like in the tube? So, his family cremated him, put his ashes in a Pringles can, a fresh Pringles can, and buried him. Well, if that's the way he wanted to go.

[00:01:29] So wait, did he invent Pringles or just the tube? He invented the can, the Pringles can. So he didn't invent the crisps? Err, I don't think errrr, da da da da da. I don't think so. It says the snack can. So he invented the can. I'm just going to take it as that. I don't think he invented the crisp. I mean, I bet he even made millions. He must have made millions. No other crisp ever did it. Unless he sold that idea to the company.

[00:01:59] Yeah. And then, they were just like, fuck off, you're not having any money. Well that's good, I like that. Died in a Pringles can. Yeah. Do you reckon they hoisted him in? Be funny, wouldn't it? Yeah. Err, yeah. I wonder if he's in perfect order in there. I mean, everyone's got to have thrown Pringles instead of dirt, surely. That would have been funny. That would have been funny. That would have been my second wish. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. What would you get buried in? Tesco meal deal sandwich box.

[00:02:29] That would most represent yourself. I'd just throw a student idea. Also, did you know that if I sneeze or sniffle on this podcast, I apologise. I'm getting absolutely arse raped by pollen. I had to get you proper killing me. Pollen bombing it. Yeah. I've been alright up until now. Like, past three days. Absolutely wiped me off. Do you not qualify for the jab? They don't do it anymore. Oh, don't they? It's not safe. They found out it's not safe. Oh, fucking hell.

[00:02:59] What does that remind you of? Loads of bad side effects. Really? I'm pretty sure, because I looked into it yesterday, I'm pretty sure it's not legal anymore in the UK. I could be wrong though. I feel like I've seen it advertised. I'll tell you what, let's have a look now. I mean, I don't feel sorry for the hair fevers. Hair fever, Rose. I mean, you're allergic to going outside. What the fuck? I know. It's fucking annoying.

[00:03:30] You got it? Here we go. In 2018, the NHS made the decision to discontinue Kenna log injections due to safety concerns and a lack of robust evidence supporting their long-term effectiveness. Wow. So, you could still have like, Pyroton and that then, can't you? Yeah, so I'm taking Pyroton and the nasal spray. It's doing alright, but it's not perfect. But... I mean, it has got a big access point for you. Yeah. There's a lot of pollen being able to get up my nose.

[00:04:00] Yeah. I bet it gets you out of cutting grass though. No, it doesn't. Oh, does it? I just suffer. Yeah. You're one of them, like, in full bandana and goggles. I just look like I'm severely depressed because I'm cutting grass and I'm crying and sneezing. People look at me like, fucking hell, that bloke's going to end it. All she's done is made him cut grass. Fucking hell, it's not that bad, Paul. He's going to put his head under a fucking lawnmower. So yeah. And sneezing.

[00:04:29] And my eye... Do you know what? I've been managing to do well with eyes. And it does affect me, but I've managed to train myself not to touch my eyes. So, as long as I don't touch them, it's fine. What? Because you're touching pollen? Because you get pollen on your face and stuff like that just naturally when you're walking about. Oh, and then when you rub your eye in that. Yeah, rub my eye. You rub pollen in your eye and stuff, and then your eyes go right red and puffing, you start crying. It's fucking... Have you got them ear fever wipes? Yes. That rubs it all out, takes it all out, doesn't it?

[00:04:58] I mean, it does, but I've just trained myself not to touch my eyes anymore. Yeah. So, I'm alright. It's just I can't do it by my nostril unless I get some nose plugs. Yeah. Well, you'd need, yeah. I don't think I'd look very sexy in those though. No. No. But I mean, I've still got a water dog and that in the morning, so... You're still going to survive mate. Yeah. Life doesn't stop just because you're allergic to pollen. I'm just built different. I just fucking deal with it. You are. Yeah. Grass pollen. You'd go to war. Yeah. You'd actually go to war, wouldn't you? Yeah.

[00:05:27] Like, you'd still be there, soldiering on. Yeah. I mean, I might have shot about three of my fucking, like, squad members, but because I've sneezed. But it's fucking, it's where it is, isn't it? Yeah. You know, thank you for your service. That's all I can say. Yeah. Achoo! I'm very lucky. I don't have no effects. I'm alright. I'm not bad. I used to be a lot worse. I'm getting better. What? Oh, okay. Well, for some reason I've... Does it just come out of you one day?

[00:05:57] No. But for some reason I've just... It's happening later now for some reason, but I think that might be, that actually might be to do with the fact that we've had like the driest spring that we've ever had. So I don't think all the grass had grown properly enough yet, because there's no water for it to grow. No. So I think it's just delayed it. So now, I usually start in like March or something. A lot of bees. There's a lot of bees. I've noticed there's a lot more insects about now, didn't there? It looks good, doesn't it? Yeah. It's great. I mean midges are a bit fuckers, aren't they?

[00:06:27] Yeah, but you take the good with the bad, don't you? Yeah. Like, you can walk in and swallow about a tether. They'd be right. Protein. Come on. Do your joke. Oh yeah. Right. Okay. You ready? Oh no. Right. So my Tinder... We are so disabled. I can't even say a sentence. My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city. I drive a half a million vehicle and I am paid to travel.

[00:06:55] My date never seems happy though when I tell her I'm a bus driver. Nice. That's funny. What would you write on your bio? Like, if it's hypothetical. I don't know. I'd find that the hardest point. I'd just leave it blank. I'd be like, just, yeah, figure me out. Nine out of ten users rate me seven out of ten. What? What? Nine out of ten users rate me seven out of ten. Okay, for one night stands.

[00:07:25] Yeah. I don't know what I'd put on. No, I don't know. I'd guess I'd just put bald, big nose. Yeah. Could make you laugh. Yeah. That's probably about it. You could write so much actually about being bald. Could I? Like, I'm bald cause like, top shaggle in that. I'd call myself Mr. Moe. You used to have full hair but... Mr. Worldwide. International. Everybody having a good time out there. Darling. Have you seen videos everybody going to his concerts? Yeah.

[00:07:55] I didn't even know he was still a bar. There were a video, right? He did a concert in London the other day. Yeah. And it's, I think it's Greg James who did video. You know, the radio DJ. And he's in like, right in top rafters. Obviously he's got like a private box or some shit. And he took a video of him performing like that. And then he panned around and it was a full arena and everybody was wearing bald caps. He couldn't see anybody's hair. It's turned into like this weird phenomenon of people like dressing like pit bull.

[00:08:24] Like, for some reason it's mostly women as well. It's funny. Like they're putting suits on, putting a bald cap on and doing like a little, a little goatee. But yeah, it's just very funny because everybody just puts bald caps on. Can you imagine someone just coming up to you and like, that's an amazing outfit that. That's brilliant. That's brilliant dedication that. Brilliant. Yeah. I did see a funny video and it was like, when you were, when you finished pit bull concert and there was this bloke walking out and he got a bald cap on and he walking out and went

[00:08:52] knackered, took off his bald cap and were already bald. Yeah. Weird how stuff like that starts in it because he didn't start that. Yeah. And that's why like, just one person just randomly. Then it just like trend sets. Just social contagion. I know. But who's the one person? Fuck knows. That'd be interesting to find out. Yeah. If we can find that out, find that person. Like the first one. The dancers and all the TikTok dancers and people do. Who's the first person to do it? Fuck knows.

[00:09:22] For it then to trend. Yeah. It's weird, isn't it? Yeah. We need to find out. We should start a trend. How? I don't know. Okay. Use chat GBT. Just ask him, say what's the best way to start a trend. I mean, everybody just do that. Yeah, true. Don't do that. We need to be original. We need to think of something. But that's the thing though with trends and social media. It doesn't fucking matter whether it's original. It doesn't matter whether it's smart. It can be something completely fucking stupid.

[00:09:52] It's just if people resonate with it or find it funny for some fucking reason. Yeah, but it just goes absolutely off the fucking rails. Yeah, but it originates at some point, doesn't it? Someone's originally done that. Yeah, the first person did it. Yeah. But what I'm saying is they might not have even planned for that to be viral. It might just be a fucking thing. And then it just goes... Fucking... The internet just texts it by a fucking storm, don't they? We need to think of something viral. I have no idea what we would do. That's the thing though. See, when you try and do something to be viral,

[00:10:20] nine times out of ten, it's probably not going to be viral. Because you're trying too hard. Yeah. It's like, it's got to be unintentionally funny. It's got to be like natural on it. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. We'll think on it. We'll think. We'll sleep on it. Yeah? Yeah. What have you been up to? Errrr... Just living life, mate. Surviving. Yeah. Been to the cinema. Is that it? Is that it? Is that it? Pretty much. Right, okay. It's been a slow week. It's been a very slow week. Oh, you've been to the cinema? Been to the cinema, yeah.

[00:10:51] Go on, what did you say? How to Train Dragon. Right, so... Before you even say out, somebody that I know... Yeah. Err, Katie. Yeah. Err, she loves that film. I mean, I love that film. I think it's great. Yeah. Err, obviously, the animated ones. She said she's been to watch it, and it's like the exact same fucking film. Word for word, bar for bar, scene for scene. Yeah. The exact fucking same. Nothing's changed. Nothing's changed. It's just... It's just live action. Yeah. There's no extra content. Yeah, there's nothing, is there?

[00:11:21] No. It's nothing. Everything's the same. But to be fair though... But in that hour it should be. Yeah, that is exactly what I was gonna say. When they deviate from the film, we get angry and shout, help me, like, why the fuck have you done that? And they've done opposite. They've done the exact fucking same thing. People are like, eh, why have you done that? You go and watch... Bear in mind you're going to watch a remake. Yeah. It says it in the title. You're watching a live action remake. It just shows that everybody just wants to get fucking annoyed at something.

[00:11:51] Yeah. I mean, it's good. Obviously, the anime is good, so this one's good. I'd go and watch it. And the casting's good. Yeah. As well. Gerard Butler. Yeah. He is good. I like Gerard Butler. Yeah. He's brilliant. But, yeah. Are they gonna do remakes or all other films? Like, is it the third one where his dad dies? Yeah, I think so. Second one's where he finds his mum, innit? Errrr. I mean, he even loses his leg in this one. No. Oh, is it the second one? Yeah, it is. It's the second one. It is the second one where his dad dies. Yeah.

[00:12:19] Because his dad dies saving his mother, innit? Yeah. That's it, yeah. But they're gonna do it with everything now, aren't they? I feel so sorry for Hiccup, though. Why? Because that scene, though, when he's fucking... I saw this on a video, it made me think. That's not my own original thought. Did it? Yeah. Errrr. That scene, though, when Gerard Butler playing his dad and his mum are dancing around the kitchen, he's finally got his family back, and they're fucking dancing and singing that, and then two minutes later, his fucking dad dies. The anime? Are you talking about the anime?

[00:12:48] The animated version. Oh, because you said Gerard Butler, so I like the fuck. You know Gerard Butler plays his dad, though, right? What, is he the voice? Yeah, in the anime. Oh, is he? Yes. I'm like 90% sure, so... Oh, that makes me feel better. Yeah, I'm like 90% certain that he is the voice. Yeah, I think he's a little bitch, though, Hiccup. Oh, yeah, but... Just kill a dragon, mate. That's all you've got to do. Yeah, but no, that's not the point, is it? That's not the point of the film. It don't matter. This... Right, I'm not even gonna... Right, think of the war. This is...

[00:13:17] Fuck it out, right. So, and this is how I compare it to the world war, as it was against Germany. There's a leader in there, which is the big dragon. Right. Errrr, which is Hitler. This is such an unhinged take. Right. Yeah. But you still kill all the followers of Hitler, don't you? Right. But you don't kill a dragon because he's like...

[00:13:45] It's not his fault that someone else is making him do it. Yes. So, yeah. Why? Just kill him. Just put a knife through him. Right, okay. I don't even think we've got enough time to unpack that. You know what I mean? He's just not following orders. He should have been booted off an island. Right, okay. I mean... So what we found from this is that Billy is a tyrant. It kind of ruins all the plot of the film, right? Yeah, the film's over and done in like two seconds. Done. So fucking... Father-in-law made a funny joke.

[00:14:15] Because it was just me and little and we went to see it. She went out walking to the dogs and he asked where we were. And he goes... She says, oh, they've gone to watch How to Train a Dragon. He goes, what? It's a film about you, is it? Is it getting tips? Good lad. Nice. Father-in-law support. Yeah. Do you know what film I am excited to watch? Superman. No. What? I thought he was crap. Sorry, hang on. There's a dog in it. 28 years later. Yes. I am excited for that. I didn't realise.

[00:14:44] I've not even watched the first one. What? 28 days later. What have you watched? 28 weeks later. You watched the second one before watching the first one? Yeah. What? Because I didn't realise there was a first one. Right, okay. Because you can't get it anywhere, can you? They banned it from England. But you can't. But it's illegal anyway.

[00:15:13] I don't understand that. It's the bandit. Why? I don't know. I looked for it to see if it were on any kind of streaming platforms. I'm going to have a look because to me that seems fucking bonkers. I think you can buy it on DVD, but who the fuck buys DVDs now? Let's have a look. But yeah, I'm sure it did. It's a great good film. Really good film. It's Cillian Murphy's in it. Yeah, yeah. Did you know that Cillian Murphy's coming back for the third one? Yeah, he is, isn't he? And it's that Aaron Johnson. Yeah. Cillian Murphy's one of the weird fucking zombies.

[00:15:43] Yeah, but the second day doesn't relate or tie into the first one at all, does it then? No. That's what made me think that was the first one. One second, one second. Because it's David Tennant, isn't it? In the second day. I don't think it relates. I can't. It's been so long since I've watched them. I'm going to re-watch them. We can't re-watch first then. You can't find it? No, 28 Days Later is not banned in the UK. Oh.

[00:16:15] It's not on any streaming platforms due to rights issues. It's not banned. Oh, right. Okay. But you can't watch it though, can you? The film was even re-released in UK cinemas in May, 2025. Oh, was it? Yes. Oh, I missed an opportunity there then. Yep. Yeah, you need to watch it. It's fucking, it's really good. Best zombie film, go. What's the one where they're in the fucking shopping centre?

[00:16:45] What's that? Is it Dawn of the Dead? Is it Dawn of the Dead? Oh my God. Yeah. Land of the Dead, innit? No. Oh, fucking hell, I can't remember what it's called. In a shopping mall? Yeah. One sec. I can't remember what it's called. Fuck. One sec. Nah, I'll just tell you mine while you're doing it. Go on. Will was he? It is good and I would like a second one. I was annoyed that there wasn't a second one. Oh yeah, me too. It is Dawn of the Dead, yeah. Oh is it? Have you watched it?

[00:17:15] It's an old one, innit? Not really. Like 2008-ish. 2004. 2004. That's fucking old Jack. That's 12 years ago. It's 11 years ago. What? That's 11 years ago. 2004. It's 24 years ago. Yes it is Billy. It's 20 years ago. It's 21 years ago. Oh my God. I'm spiraling. Oh you alright? Oh my God. It's 11 years ago. Billy, are you in 2014? Are you in 2015? I'm in a different dimension. That's 20 years ago.

[00:17:43] Have you got emo haircut and fucking baggy trousers or that? Yes. Well, it's old anyway. It's old but it's still good. It's really good. Have you never watched it? I don't think so. Right, but you need to put that on your list. Dawn of the Dead. That's good. I can't believe you've never watched it. So that's your favourite zombie film? I think so yeah. Dawn of the Dead. I like Dawn of the Dead. What type of zombies are there? Because this is a bit crucial. And also fucking, what's it called? Absolute iconic film.

[00:18:12] Shaun of the Dead. Oh yeah. Yeah. Like what zombies are there? Type. The zombies? Like, you know, walking dead zombies where- I don't think so. I can't remember. They just walk. I'm pretty sure they run. And you can- I don't get how anybody died in that, to be fair. Well, that's the point of the series, isn't it? Like at the end you realise that the zombies don't really fucking matter. It's people they should be worried about. Yeah. But I stopped watching that show after about a full season. Because every fucking season is the same.

[00:18:40] When Glenn got his fucking head smashed in that. Every season is the same. Honestly. Yeah. Oh no, we've lost our home. We now need to survive out of the streets. Yeah. Oh no, we found a new home. Oh no, someone's trying to take over our new home. Yeah. We need to defend it. Carl! Carl! Carl! Carl! Where's Laurie? First season, thought it was fantastic. Well yeah, yeah.

[00:19:10] Like, I just think it went off at rail. I liked it when he was in it. Punisher, whatever his name is. Oh, yeah. I know exactly what you mean. Fucking hell, I can't remember his name. He's in new accountant. Yeah. I've not seen that either. Yeah. Is that meant to be good? Yeah. Do you know what, me and our last have been watching? The White Lotus. Have you watched any of it yet? No, someone's told me though. Yeah, it was me. Oh, it was? Yeah, it was your last week, wasn't it? It was me the last time I was here. It was me that told you to watch it. So, good recommendation, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[00:19:40] Trust him. Fucking fantastic, you need to watch it. Okay. It's good. It's really good. Series, isn't it? You'll binge watch it. Yeah. It's on Now TV. How do you know that? Because it's on Sky Atlantic. Oh, right. And how have you got access to that? You're gonna get them to stop doing it. Like Netflix and Disney. Stop doing it. He uses my account. No, we don't. Because... We can't even say we share accounts, because you use my account. Yeah. I use Billy's Now TV account. Yeah.

[00:20:11] But... For the record, I don't. Yeah, it's on your own Wi-Fi. Yes, it's on my own Wi-Fi. And I pay for it, yes. Because fucking Netflix, the fuckers, they stopped doing it. Verify your email! Yeah. I hate that. One per household. And then fucking Disney's done it now as well, you know? Yeah, I know. Disney's done it. Fucking... But do you know what gets me now though? Is... What's the fucking point? You may as well buy fucking Sky, or fucking Virgin or something like that. It's just cable TV now, it's the point. Yeah.

[00:20:38] Like, why have we got to buy fucking seven different fucking streaming platforms? I know, because I hate when I watch that Mobland, but it's on that fucking Paramount. Why do we need to buy seven streaming fucking platforms? What idea? We're going to get rich. But it won't be illegal. We'll get a platform that has all the platforms for one monthly subscription. So let's say £50 a month. Yeah? Well done. You just reinvented cable. What?

[00:21:07] You just reinvented like Sky. No, because on Sky you can't watch Netflix and you can't watch Disney and you can't watch... No, but this is like a new cable that you're inventing. Like a new Sky, new broadband. Yeah. But it's only for apps, streaming services. Okay. So let's say... But what I'm saying is Netflix and Paramount are replacing all the fucking, like, TV channels and all that lot. Yeah, but you still have to pay them separately, don't you? You still have to pay Netflix separately and Paramount separately. Yeah.

[00:21:35] What I'm saying is we get one service, we'll call it service. We're going to call it service? I don't know. How original. We'll call it stream service. Right, okay. Straight to a point, in your face, and we'll charge 50, 60 quid a month and... Stream service? Everything's on there. What would your logo be? Would you just have two S's on? Yeah. Stream service. That'd be great. You don't know what I've alluded to, do you? No, I won't. I've just... One has two S's.

[00:22:05] There was a... There was a Nazi group called the SS. Oh, weren't they? They were absolutely disgusting, yeah. Oh. I was just trying to get you to just put your foot in your mouth. Because I could tell you didn't know what it was. No, I don't believe it. But that's a great idea. That is a fucking brilliant idea, actually. Yeah. No more messing about. No more. Everything's on one. No more seven direct debits. Yeah, just on one.

[00:22:35] There you go. 70 quid a month. I keep screwing up every time I mention it. 70 quid a month. Paramount Plus. Netflix. Disney Plus. Amazon Video. Apple TV. Fucking whatever the is. MGM or whatever it's called. That way they've moved power to. We're just going in a complete circle. We're just reinventing things all the time. Did you see what Uber's brought out? No. So Uber have brought out this new thing, right? So you know what Uber is. Everybody who knows what Uber is. Of course I know. Yeah.

[00:23:03] For anybody who's listening that doesn't know what Uber is. No, I just call a taxi like a normal person now. Yeah. It's an app basically. You just say where you are and it comes and picks you up. And you pay for it online with no cash or all that. That's what Uber is. Right. So what Uber have been reinvented is something called ride share. So you will walk to a predetermined destination and you will share the car with other people that have walked to the predestination. And that car will take you to a pre-ordered design destination.

[00:23:34] Right. Okay. Uber have reinvented the bus. Yeah. Yeah. It's just a bus in it. Uber's reinvented the bus. You know what I find hilarious with Uber? Growing up, you were always told, don't ever get in a car. We're strangers. Yeah. Don't ever talk to strangers. Yeah. What is the one thing you do with Uber? You get in a car with strangers. Yeah. But you do with a taxi driver anyway. Yeah, but you phone him.

[00:24:04] Speaking on that, like most universities, there's like a challenge that they do to raise money. It's called bum it. Wait. Are you sure? I might have completely said no. Are you sure it's called that? No, wait, wait, wait. Bum it. I think it's called bum it. Oh, come on. You're going to need to be very careful. No, no, no, no. It's not. I think I might have made that up. Wait, wait, wait. Let me explain the concept and then I'll tell you. I can't remember if I got that right. Bum it. Right.

[00:24:33] But what it is basically they start from here and they get a ride up north. So they hitch rides. Right, yeah. It can't be bum it, Jack. It's called bum in a ride, innit? No. What? It's hitchhiking innit? I thought it was called bum it. Hitching a ride. I thought it was called bum it. No, but if you mean a bum, that's like a homeless guy. I'm going to have to Google that because I thought it was called bum it, obviously not. He's not called bum it. I realise. As soon as it came out of my mouth that I sounded just wrong. Anyway. Yeah, but.

[00:25:03] But, so basically they just get in people's cars and just look to say, just take me as far as you can. Yeah. Imagine pulling up. I'm here for bum it. Yeah. Oh yeah, get in, pal. Get in. I know a good car park we could go to. I'm guessing you don't pay cash either. No. No, you don't. No, it's all free. Wow. You've got this really wrong. Yeah, I have, haven't I? One sec. I'm just Googling. There we go. Shut up, is it?

[00:25:34] It is called bum it. Let's look. Fucking hell it is and all. Bum it. Bum it. World's biggest organised European charity hitchhike. Oh my God. Who came up with that? It's called bum it. Who came up with that? It's spelt B-U-M-M-I-T. See, I went wrong. Literally the guy who's ever come up with that name must have like. Did it on purpose. Zero. What's the word like.

[00:26:02] He's so innocent and sweet. Yeah. That he just thought that'd be a great good name. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, so back to your concept. People don't, shouldn't get in cars with a round of people. Yeah. There's a charity thing enabling it and encouraging that. Don't you worry about all them weirdos. There's been four maiders. Yeah. Don't you worry about all that. It was the inventor who made it, who picks up these hitchhikers. Yeah. He's Dexter. Yeah. Cool. So, yeah.

[00:26:33] Weird isn't it how we keep reinventing things? What have you done? Phones are getting smaller. Are they? They're going to go back to iPod Nano soon. Yeah. And then they're going to get massive. They were a, they were a funny video that I saw. I can't remember a video or a poster or something like that. And it were, we kept trying to make phones smaller, but then we realized that we could watch porn on it. So screen started becoming a lot bigger. Yeah. Yeah. That's good.

[00:27:03] Yeah. That's when the iPad was invented. Yeah. I wonder if that's why they started putting internet onto TVs. I don't know. People are just filthy, aren't they? Yeah. Absolutely filthy. Who wants to watch porn on a 65 inch TV? Well, somebody who's got TV in his man cave that locks from outside. Lock me in my wanking then. Yeah. Mrs. just chucks you in there and goes, what's the sake of saying that? Yeah. Get a calendar update. Oh, I forgot what I was going to say.

[00:27:33] What were I going to say? I was going to say something. Ah, yes, Jay, if you're alright. I think I'm alright, yeah. Yeah. Not really been doing much. That's good. Yeah, just a boring week. Taking it easy, that. Yeah, taking it easy. That's good. Me and I miss you just went out for an act bars last night. Nice. Right nice. I had a lamb curry, I think. Is it spicy? A little bit spicy. Nah, not good for me. Can't you do any spice at all? I mean, I struggle sometimes at chicken tikka and karma. You joke?

[00:28:03] Wait, that's two different curries. It's chicken tikka masala. No, chicken tikka is in the meat chicken tikka. Yeah. In a karma sauce. Oh, okay. That's what I normally have. Right, alright. Chicken tikka karma. I didn't know that one thing. That's interesting. Nice. But yeah, I struggle with it. That's like mild mixed with mild. Mate, fucking Monster Munch, Flaming Heart, they, I struggle with that. I am not mad for spice. Right, okay. And it doesn't agree with me. Have you ever had butter chicken?

[00:28:33] I bet you'd like butter chicken. Yeah. It's very, very, it's not even a curry at that point. It's just nice. It's a curry, obviously, but it's like, it's nice. Do you know what you would like? Our last orders at all time. It's a McCarney. Get a McCarney. You want a chicken McCarney. Order a chicken McCarney. Okay. A chicken McCarney and pilaw rice and Poshuari Nan. Right. Fucking love Poshuari Nan. We've never invented that, God bless you. Great nice, that. Have you ever had a Poshuari Nan? It's like with like raisins. Raisins and coconut bits in it. Yeah. Oh, it's fantastic.

[00:29:03] I always get confused. What's the difference between a Japati and a Nan? There's a joke in here somewhere, but. Yeah. My Nan invites me around for a brew. Do you know what? I don't know what's the difference between a Japati and a Nan. No, no, no, no. See how many you like, it's always automatically for a cheese Nan. Cheesy Nan. I apologize. I think the mic picked that up. I've just soiled myself. It sounds like you're soiled yourself at all.

[00:29:32] These are new stores, these. Not anymore, they're not. Right, I've got something right. Right, before you do that, let's just break for a nap. We're going to break for a nap and then we're going to come back to a heat and discussion. Enjoy the arts. Cheers.

[00:30:20] Welcome back from the arts. Cheers. I hope you enjoyed the arts. Now back to the main topic at hand. Serious question. Yes. Are you, so there's two different kinds of people that go to curry houses, right? There's the people that order rice and the people that order chips. Yeah. And some people that order both. Yep. I'm going to guess that you're a chip person. I'm both. You're a both person. I could tell straight away you were a chip man with curry. I think that, I don't, I don't like it.

[00:30:50] But just not to say, because I'm not a complete fat bastard. No. Yeah. Yeah. Obviously if I'm going with Becca, we'll share chips and share a rice. Yeah. I won't just go like, I want a curry and I want chips with it and I want a full rice with it. Just, I'm just putting that out there. And sod any of that stuff. I want some fish and chips. And a full family in hand. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah. See, I can't go to a curry house and bring myself to order chips in a curry house.

[00:31:20] Why? It just seems wrong. Why? Yeah, but it just, I don't get why you'd have chips. I don't get it. But do you have chips with Chinese? No, I don't actually. Really? No. You don't have salt and pepper chips? Very, very, very rarely. I think I've ordered them like twice. Chinese chips? And a fucking don of chips. Yeah, but it's not Chinese food, is it? Well, no. It's not Chinese food, is it? Yeah, but what is it? Who invented chips? I don't know. Probably some European. Irish. Potato.

[00:31:51] I think it was just Irish people that invented the potato. Well, they're good at it. That had been interesting fact. Let's have a look now, quick, who invented the potato. No one invented it. It came out of the ground. Yeah, I get that. I get what you're saying, but for species selection, like somebody invented the potato. What, someone? Did someone discover potato or invent potato? No, right. So the way that it works, all fruit and veg that we've got today are complete hybrids. Like, they would never, I don't think they exist in, none of them are like natural. Really? Surely.

[00:32:20] So like an avocado, if you go back to what an avocado should look like, we are human intervention. Yeah. Through like selective breeding. It'd be mainly all pip and then like a thin layer of... Selecting breeding of what? Like plants, fruits. Oh, right. And the plants. You could even fucking do that. So, yeah, but so like you... So you can make a cabbage and a lettuce shag each other. No, right. No. You make sure that that species or that particular plant reproduces because it's had a big, like,

[00:32:49] it's grown a big fruit basically. Yeah. So if it's grown a big fruit, you want that plant to reproduce instead of the one that's one that's, uh, that are a plant that's growing a small fruit. Oh, okay. And you keep growing that until you get bigger. And then if you found one that's grown something bigger, you reproduce that plant instead of the other plant. Do you get what I mean? Mm, yeah. So like the, like the fruit and the veg that we've got today is completely like, it's like through selective breeding. So it's not even natural? Well, it is, it is natural in a sense, but we've completely manipulated it. Some other, aren't they?

[00:33:18] Like bananas, you can't fuck that up. Like you can't, you can't make that. I'm pretty sure we're... Like there's banana trees, isn't there? Oh. Like on a tree, surely not. You can't fuck about with trees. Yeah, fair. Yeah. Yeah, fair. Do you know what? I'll look into it and I'll tell you next time. Okay. I'll find out the facts. And coconuts, surely they're, they're with you. They're dark. I'll find out next time. Yeah. I'll look into it and we'll do like a little, I'll give you like a little five minute TED talk. Thanks. Are you still looking at this potato stuff?

[00:33:46] I'm still typing because I'm just, I'm dyslexic. P. I can't go with any further than P. How do you spell potato? Oh no. Set me set up. P. Well actually there's two, there's like three different versions of potato. P. P. Yeah. A. P. O. T. P. O. A. T. O. E.

[00:34:13] You need to say that all again because I just, I don't think you've like, say it first. P. O. A. T. A. T. O. Potato. It's P. O. T. First for a start. Oh okay. Nearly. So, the first people to cultivate the potato were the Incas in Peru. No way. Yeah. That's cool.

[00:34:42] The first people to cultivate potato with domestication starting around 8000 BC to 5000 BC. Fucking hell. So 8000 years ago the first people started making potatoes, cultivating potatoes. And it was in Peru? Yeah, it was in Peru. I wonder if that's like where you get peri-peri chips from and shit. Don't know. What? I'm assuming they just ate it raw. It was the Spanish conquistadors after slaughtering and murdering everybody that they came across, and then wiped everybody out with plague.

[00:35:10] Do you know about Spanish conquistadors? Spanish flu. Yeah, they brought the flow over to all that side of the planet, and then because they didn't have them kind of germs, it just decimated everybody. Yeah. They brought the potato back to Europe. Wow. So, Ireland just basically copycat them, aren't they? Well, it's the Incas of Peru. 8000 years ago. Do you think they had like, they made chips? Or what do you think they did with the potatoes? Well, I don't... I wonder how they ate them. Like an apple, I'd imagine.

[00:35:40] Do you think they ate them like an apple, or do you think they peeled them and fried them and had butter and stuff? With what though? What do you mean? Well, they wouldn't have had butter, would they? 8000 years ago. No. They wouldn't know how to churn milk. I don't think so. And they wouldn't have definitely had... They wouldn't know how to heat anything up. This is another... Right. Did the Incas have butter?

[00:36:10] No, they didn't have butter. They ate it raw. They've got to have. What did... How did they eat the potato? See, this is why we need a time machine. Fucking pick it up and take a bite, aren't they? Oh, you put... That'd be disgusting. There's no way. They don't know. Any different. We need a time machine. We just need it. No one's gonna know. I'm not bothered about looking at what else. I want to see our Incas have the potatoes. Everything else is irrelevant at this point. Could you imagine going back in time and showing them what you could do with it? Yeah. They'd be like, fucking hell, that's genius!

[00:36:41] You can mash it. You can cut it. You can fry it. Yeah. You can do all you want with it. Do you know that when I applied for university, you had to write like a little English essay on something that you were passionate about and I wrote mine about potatoes. What? Why? I think my first sentence was something along the lines of like the humble potato or something like that. I like a potato because I can adapt to any situation. Hey, that's good. Yeah. Nice. I thought it'd have been cheese more than old. No. Because cheese is just good, isn't it?

[00:37:10] Yeah, I do like cheese. I like a lot of food. I need to cut cheese out. Why? It's just bad, isn't it? The cholesterol and that. Yeah. Like, I'm even having to start drinking actinels. Who said they're good for you? I don't know. It just says to keep your cholesterol low so I think if I drink one of them I can have cheese. It's not like a fucking health potion. It's all about balance. It's not like a health potion. Oh, it's about... You can't drink a fucking actinel and then pound full of cheese. Why? They don't cancel each other out.

[00:37:39] But yeah, like you have one banana and then you can have like fucking... Half a cake? Yeah. Yeah, I hate. I don't think that's how it works. Yeah. There were a show on TV and it were... God, I can't remember what it were called. It was like something like My 500 pound Life or something like that. It was about clinically obese people in America and it were famous sisters. I can't remember. They're all over social media. And... I think they had like a crap upbringing.

[00:38:08] The mum told them that they were like severely, severely obese. Like on the verge of dying. And the mum told them like if you drink a full fat... A full fat like a fizzy pop, like a cola. If you drink a diet cola, it cancels out the full fat cola. So there's no wonder when it like dieting advice and stuff like that, that they ended up like 500 odd fucking pounds. Speaking of America, have you seen the feud?

[00:38:39] The beef. I've seen a bit of it but I don't fully understand it because I've only just come back on social media. So it's kind of gone off social media a bit so I've kind of missed it. So I don't really understand. You were at like two weeks ago. I don't really understand it. They're just basically friends that. They fell out. But they've like... Elon's gone straight to fucking jugular, hasn't he? Right. He's not Mr. Bart, he's basically saying he's a fucking Trump report at Epstein Island. Fucking hell right. Like Mean Girls.

[00:39:06] I mean you don't really want to threaten the president do you with shit like that? Err, no. As much as he probably is powerful. Not when you live there. Yeah. I mean, yeah. That's going to be a civil war alright. That's going to be... I genuinely think the entire world's going into civil war. It seems like there's just fucking chaos everywhere. Did you see what happened in Balamori? Not Balamori. Balamori. Sounds like Balamori. Balamir. Balamir. Bellamir. Bel... Belmar. No.

[00:39:35] They were all writing it anyway. No. No idea. Yeah. All writing. There's just bad civil wars and that. They're all writing it. This is getting a bit too dark-hearted. This is a comedy show. Yeah, I just couldn't figure what it was. This is not a geopolitical show. We're not smart enough to be talking about geopolitics. I would never... Nobody wants our opinion. I would never survive in a debate. No. So, the first thing they'd say... Well, did you know? So, it... Yeah, you've got me. Hands down. That's interesting information. I never knew that. Yeah. That kind of diminish all your argument. Yep.

[00:40:05] I'll just sit back down. Basically just say that you're a fucking idiot. Sit down. Yeah. No, this is not a geopolitical show. This is a comedy show. Yeah, I just thought... It is funny. It's weird, isn't it? Should we do a segment? Yes. Is it ready time? It's ready. Right. Are you going to remember it? I'll wait. Yes. Okay. Segment time. Segment time. It is segment time. Yeah. I only cheated on you once.

[00:40:35] Sorry. Right. So, this segment is called Guess the Cult. Yeah. We all love a good cult documentary series on Netflix, don't we? Of course we do. It's fucking fantastic. Bear in mind. I only thought there were like three of them. I didn't realise that. There's quite a lot of cults. You could start... It's quite easy to do. So, if the fans are this show, we could call them a cult? No, I don't know what we'd call them. We should let them pick out their own name. We should do like a poll or something like that. Yeah. Right. Okay.

[00:41:04] So, we come up with some ideas of what we should call the fans. Yeah. Let them pick on poll and then also give an option for other in case they don't like any of our fucking ideas because we're fucking idiots. Your suggestions. Yeah. Your suggestions. I don't know. Call them mind mappers or something. No, it's too much to title. It's too much crap, innit? Yeah. I don't know what we call them. I don't know. Something like fucking... Bold. Brazilian. Followers. I don't know.

[00:41:30] Just because I resemble Pitbull slightly, it doesn't mean everybody's bold and fucking Brazilian. We'll let them decide. Anyway. Right, so this... Sorry. We'll just ignore that. Billy denied me a drink when we got here. I fucking had you denied it twice! No, he didn't. He didn't. I just... Yeah. I should have had a glass of water. Do you want one? Nope. I've got a bottle of water underneath me. I don't want that. I'm not going to make a magic. No, it's not just that. I don't know how long it's been there. I don't know what's in it.

[00:41:59] I don't know what we've done to it. Well, no. It's sealed. You'll be trying to trick me into doing something. It's sealed packaging, mate. You'll have farted in it or something. I'm not going to... This isn't the bum it app. I'm not going to fucking roof it yet. So, the segment is called Guess the Cult, right? So what it is, I'm going to tell you my ears gone funny. Why? Ah! Ah! My ears! My ears! Oh my God! Oh! It stopped. There we go. Stop touching...

[00:42:29] Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Okay, sorry. We just had a bit of a headphone malfunction there. Yeah. They went right in my ears. Yeah. God. It sounded like I got a hive of fucking bees in my ears. I went right bad. I don't know why I just didn't take them off. No, I don't. I just sat up here and suffered. It's like when someone's burning you, you don't drop it. You just let it burn you even more. Yeah. Anyway, back to the segment. Fucking hell. It's called Guess the Cult. What it is, I'm going to... It's doing it again. Oh, that made it better.

[00:42:59] Oh, is it? Oh, there it is. There we go. Sorry. The equipment's going out. I don't know what's happening. It's knackered. It's not knackered. We've got to have the wire in a specific certain place, otherwise it makes an horrible noise that sounds like someone's dying. And it's knackered. It's not... No, it's not knackered. Stop trying to throw things away all the time. It's still got value. We need a new one. We don't! I'm calling it. The segment. I'm going to tell you three cults and I'm going to tell you information about all of them.

[00:43:29] Two of them are real cults, one of them is a fake cult. Okay. Right? So you've got to guess which is the fake cult. Okay. Right, so the first one. Universe people from Czech Republic. Right? Oh, do I let you tell me all first? I'm going to tell you all the information about it. This is still about universe people. So, a group of people who believe in benevolent aliens led by Ashtar Serene who watch over the earth via invisible spaceships.

[00:43:58] Their leader receives telepathic messages and claims some world leaders are actually reptilian controlled robots. They once tried to broadcast a video to warn humanity using national television signals. Nice. This is the Universe people from Czech Republic. Second one. Yeah. The Church of the Mighty Bite. This is USA. Yeah. When I said bite, it's spelt B-Y-T-E. Oh, no.

[00:44:28] Is it like ow? No. Founded in 1999, this digital age cult believes salvation lies in converting your consciousness into binary code. They claim heaven is a digital utopia called the cloud of souls. And only those who regularly update their moral software can ascend. Members wear barcodes on necklaces and reject paper currency in favour of cryptocurrency. The third one. The third one.

[00:44:57] Breatharian Institute of America. They promote the idea that humans can live without food or water, sustaining themselves purely on prana, a spiritual life force found only in sunlight and air. Their founder claims to not eat for years. At least one member allegedly tried to sue the government for forcing him to breathe polluted prana. Which one's fake? The last one.

[00:45:25] So you've got Breatharian Institute of America, the Church of the Mighty Bites and universe people. The last one. That one. About the prana air. The Breatharians? Yeah. That's gotta be fake. You are wrong. Shut up. Really? The alien one then. So which one's fake? Out of those. So you've got the universe people and the Church of the Mighty Bite. The universe people. Wrong. Oh my god, the church one. That is actually the only one that I've believed. The Church of the Mighty Bite, that's fake. Yeah.

[00:45:56] That's fake. That's a fake one. What, have you just made it up? No. Do you know what? When you told me I thought, I can buy it. I could buy that. That sounds fun. I wanna join. You're basically gonna fucking Matrix when you die. Yeah, no, that's fake. The other two are real. The universe people with the spaceships and reptilians, that's real. Oh. The Breatharians, that's real. The founder of that cult actually got caught buying snacks. And he said he'd never eaten or drank anything. Well, he'd be dead.

[00:46:25] They'd all be dead. Exactly. It's a cult. It's stupid. But the first one, I mean to be fair, the first one, if it's all to do with aliens or extraterrestrial or reptiles, there's gonna be a cult about it, isn't there? Yeah. Definitely. Isn't there one about lizard people in New York? Live under sewers. In sewers, yeah. Right. Second round. Oh, how many rounds have you got? I've just got another round. I've just got another three to do. Oh, right. Go, go, go. Right, so... I don't know how to say this one.

[00:46:55] So the first one, realism. So it's spelled R-A-E with two dots above it. L-I-S-M. This is from France. So this was founded by a French race car driver in the 1970s. Realism teaches that all life on Earth was created by a group of alien scientists called the Elohim. They believed Jesus, Buddha, and Muhammad were all alien prophets.

[00:47:22] Their end goal was to build an interstellar embassy in Israel to welcome the aliens back. Right. The second one, the mirror people from Australia. The spiritual group that believes the physical world is an illusion created by reflections. They use mirror-gazing rituals to peer into the soul verse and never go outside without at least two reflective surfaces on their person.

[00:47:51] Some members installed mirrored ceilings in every room for cosmic alignment. We also know what they're using them for. Mm-hmm. Uh, three. The Church of Euthanasia, USA. Uh, founded in 1990s, its four core tenets are, fucking hell, suicide, abortion, cannibalism, uh, of the already dead, and sodomy. Right. Their slogan is, save the planet, kill yourself.

[00:48:20] It was meant as a dark satirical protest against overpopulation. They once ran a hotline to teach people how to exit responsibly. So how to kill yourself safely? Yes. Which one's fake out of those three? Uh, I would say the France one. Uh, the realism? Yeah. You're wrong. Really? The, the, the, the, the, the, the. So the real, the realism one is a real one? The suicide one then.

[00:48:50] But there should be none of them left if it's the real cult. You're wrong. That's a, that's a, that's a real cult. Again? No, no, no. Which one did you say? The suicide one? Uh, yeah. Yeah, that's a real cult. It's the, it's the, it's the, it's the real cult. Yeah, it's the mirror one that's fake. Oh my God. Same again. That was one I actually would believe. Yeah, the mirror one was fake. That sounds believable. Like, yeah, I'd think like, why is the mirror? We're in the mirror dimension. Oh my God. Well, the last one's fucking stupid because. The last one is scary. It is. Why do you want people like that in society? And why are they?

[00:49:20] Jesus! Why are they alive? Yeah, you'd think they'd all just. They're just all contradicting the sense. But, if they stay alive long enough, they get more people to kill themselves. So they achieve the goal better. But they need like, MI, whatever it's called, six, five or whatever. Yeah. To look into them. Completely bonkers. Very weird, innit? That's mad. And like I said, the mirror one, I could get on board with that. I could believe that.

[00:49:47] I mean, you've already got a mirror on your bedroom ceiling, so you're already halfway there. I mean, yeah. Well. That's for performance issues. Sleep performance? Yeah. Yeah, nice. Gotta make sure you're rolling over on the side. To be fair, I agree with it because I would terrify myself if I had a mirror on my ceiling. Why? Why? Because could you imagine just like waking up and seeing yourself, huh, man? Yeah, I'd freak out. I don't, I like all mirrors to be behind me if I'm sleeping.

[00:50:16] Because my mind is too creative to see something that's not there. Yeah. And on that note. And on that note. Don't look at your mirrors. Don't look at your mirrors. They will kill you. Don't stare at them too long. Do you know there's a, sorry, there's a horror film about that. Yeah, called Mirrors. Yeah. Have you watched it? Yeah. It's good, isn't it? Yeah, it's good. Yeah. And what's the thing you used to do in the mirror? Oh, it was Candyman, weren't it? Candyman. And the other one, weren't it? Bloody Mary. Uh, yes. Still to this day, I've never got to that.

[00:50:43] I think the original actor of Candyman was in Final Destination, the newest one. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. He's dead now though. Oh. Okay. Anyway. Alright guys. Cheers guys. See ya. Bye. Sprechen wir doch mal über deinen Traumtyp. Oh, schwierig. Schieß los. Okay, er muss für jedes Abenteuer zu haben sein und natürlich toll aussehen. Und er darf mich nie lang warten lassen.

[00:51:10] Klingt verdächtig nach dem neuen Ford Puma Gen E. Der lädt schneller als dein Smartphone von 10 auf 80% in nur 23 Minuten. Hm, dann muss ich wohl mal... Probefahren! Der neue Ford Puma Gen E. Jetzt Probefahrt buchen auf ford.de. This podcast is part of Podomity, the UK's Podcast Comedy Network. Why not laugh at what else we've got?

[00:51:40] Visit Podomity.com.