Is it True or False

[00:00:03] Shall we do a podcast? What would we even call it? MindMap! Ah, go on then. Welcome back to another episode of MindMap with Billy and Jack. Nobody fucking cares about that.

[00:00:26] Did you know that King Henry VIII of England had servants who were called grooms of the stool? Alright. Do you want to guess what they are? Cleaned his ass? Literally cleaned his ass, that was the job. The job was to wipe his bottom after he went to the bathroom. Literally, he literally had someone to wipe his ass. Grooms of the stool, yeah. He had four of them. During his reign as well, all of them were knighted. He knighted all of them.

[00:00:56] Well done, sir. Well done. You used triple ply. Would they even have, they wouldn't have even had toilet roll back then, would they? Ah, well I don't know. I don't know what they would have done. What? Shall we find out if they had toilet roll? They were sure they didn't have toilet roll. I don't think they would have done. It would have been like a cloth or something, wouldn't it? Yeah. That they washed. The same one? I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think each person would have had their own cloth. Well, let's find out. Hang on. Because they didn't have a toilet.

[00:01:25] They just shit in a hole. Which is kind of like a toilet. Well, yeah. I'm sure, I'm sure I've seen some where they're in the castle and there was a set part of the castle and they used to shit down a big drop. Yeah. And all the shit used to be outside of the castle. Yeah. Well, that's kind of how it works, I think. That with an irrigation system, weren't it? Well, it weren't really an irrigation system, but just so it weren't in the fucking house, were it? And then they had a big pole with a sponge. But if you ever watch any like medieval thing, you always see like people throwing

[00:01:52] buckets of shit out of the window and stuff because they didn't have like toilets. They just had a bucket and they threw it out onto the street, didn't they? Not before like plumbing, irrigation and stuff. They definitely didn't have toilet roller. Well, let's have a look now. No, they're talking about toilet. Oh, there we go. How did Tudors wipe the bottom? Because I've never thought about this.

[00:02:19] It's a woolen or linen cloth, but that were for like King Henry VIII. Right, so that were for the ridge. Yeah. So if you were poor, it would just... So the lower orders resorted to leaves or soft moss or grass to wipe your arse. What, the paw? Yeah. So it's used grass? Soft moss, leaves or grass. Mate, I bet they had fucking bags of infections. Yeah. Doing that. Right, aren't they? Yeah.

[00:02:48] So you've got like a wool cloth if you were rich. Fancy. I've used a space raider packet I found out of loads of wipe my arse once. Oh, God. You haven't? Why? Because I went on a fishing trip and I went for a shit in woods. And there were... Because there were no toilets. I went for a shit and there were just no... I'd forgot to take hurler roll with me. So I was just stuck. I got... So I was just stuck. So all I could get near me, if there were no big leaves that are out, and I didn't want to use grass because that's just...

[00:03:18] It's not going to be... It's not going to stay together, is it? It's not going to stay together. Surely that didn't do a job, though. No, it didn't. So I did it after a job with that space raider packet, and then I waddled, I don't know, about ten yards further around and I found a dot leaf plant. It was some dot leaves. I don't think I've ever shit. We are... Like, nothing. It's weird. It's exciting. Is it? Yeah. You just feel horrible? No. I fell alive. Everybody's like, everybody knows that I've got shit in my fucking kegs. Well, no, because I cleaned myself.

[00:03:47] I didn't just walk around with shit in my kegs. Yeah, but thoroughly. Yeah. Just because it's not toilet roll doesn't mean you can't clean yourself. Are you a square or are you a crunch? What? Like, do you fold it in a square and wipe? Or do you screw it up and wipe? Both. Oh, fucking fancy bitch, aren't you? I fold it in a square and then crunch. Yeah, nice. Anyway, I think that's enough about shit, isn't it? Yeah. Hey, you want to hear my joke at week? Go on then.

[00:04:15] What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? I don't know. Virgin Mobile. Nice. Yeah, that would be a good one. Very nice. Anyway, we're back again. Yeah. We've come back. See, we told you we'd come back. Yeah. Week after week. How's your week been? Alright. I don't know. Fair enough, really. I don't know. Training. In gym. Honour. Yeah. Flexi.

[00:04:45] Lost some weight, haven't you? Mate, like a fucking god. Yeah. Feeling good? Feeling good. I could fucking pick a car up. Yeah. I'm that strong. Well, there's three outside. Do you want to go and test it? Easy. Let me just shoot up first. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, it's weird. Because I've never really been used to going to gym on my own. I'm always used to going with you or someone else. So, I don't know. I get a bit paranoid, mate. I prefer going on my own. Well, I just feel like everyone's looking at me.

[00:05:15] No. You'll soon realise that everybody thinks that, and everybody thinks that everybody's looking at them. Yeah. So, you're all thinking the same thing. So, why don't you just stop caring? It doesn't matter. Like, I'll be like, because I do a bit of cardio before I eat weights. Yeah. And I'll go on a cardio machine and I feel like everyone's just looking at me going, why is he running like that? Yeah. I mean, I'm not running like a fucking idiot, but. Well, I've not seen you. You might be. I'm just running. Yeah. And then I'm like, oh, shit, what are they, what's he thinking? Yeah, but everything that you're thinking, everybody else thinks the exact same. Like, genuinely.

[00:05:46] I think it's harder when you're like, obviously already got weight on you and all. Yeah, but that's, if anything, if I see somebody in gym that's like big, do you know what I mean? I'm not saying that you're big. Oh, fat. Yeah. I'm not saying, I'm not saying you're big. What I'm saying is if I see somebody in there that needs to be in gym, all I think of is, well done, you're doing my fucking thing. It's better than fucking sitting on the couch. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, there's no stigma around it. Nobody's going to call you a fat fuck if you're at gym working out, are they? Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

[00:06:14] Nobody's going to come up and fucking call you a fat fuck. I'm trying. Yeah. If anything, you're going to get respect because you're doing something that's hard. Do you know what I mean? There's some fucking big guys that go to like gyms, aren't there? Mm-hmm. I mean, this is what I'm going to. It's quite a little local gym, so it's not, you know, it's not full of massive. But obviously that one we used to go to. Yeah. Oh, fucking hell. Yeah. There were some great units that I used to walk in. Yeah. Well, this is the thing. It depends on what kind of gym you go to.

[00:06:41] If you go to like a commercial gym, like a, I don't know, like a JD gym or all that, you're probably not going to see professional bodybuilders. Whereas if you go to like a, like an actual meathead gym. I always call them meathead gyms. They're not meathead gyms. They're just like local gyms or gyms that are known for bodybuilding. Like you'll see some absolute fucking freak shows. Like some units. Like that Ultraflex at Rotherham. Like basically if you're in there and you're not a bodybuilder and you're not massive, you're the one that stands out basically. Yeah.

[00:07:11] You're the one that looks out of place. What do you mean? You're not lifting 200 kg. Yeah. Have you seen them videos of that guy, this guy? And he, so basically he's like a, he's like a, pretends to be a, like a cleaner in gym. Oh yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Yeah. And he goes around and then he sees these massive units like picking some ridiculous weight up and then he just goes up to him and says, can I have a go? Can I have a go? And then he just fucking annihilates it. Yeah. It's humbling. It's funny. I like watching him. Do you know that mop that he carries around?

[00:07:41] Do you know that weighs 50 kg? Fuck. Yeah. No. So when he passes somebody mop and like holds it up like that and he expects that somebody passes it, it's like they go fucking dump. But then that makes me think, where does strength come from? Because he's obviously not got the bigger muscles. That's more he shouldn't technically, he shouldn't be stronger than them. So obviously I'm not a fucking, I don't know. I've not done like any training or in like PT or anything. So I don't really know.

[00:08:11] But if I were to guess, I'd say that there'll be some people that are naturally strong. But I think it'd be like a 50-50. If you're naturally strong and you train for strength as well, you're going to be a fucking unit and you don't need to have that much muscle mass. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So some people can be skinny but still be stupidly strong because it might just be like a genetic thing. They might just naturally have more muscle mass. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Because he's got no on him, hasn't he? That's what I would guess. Well, it looks like he's not got no on him because he goes and stands next to like fucking bodybuilders.

[00:08:39] So he probably has got a significant amount of muscle mass. This is another thing as well. I think that people's perception of what like an athletic build is has absolutely changed. Like we're so used to seeing these fucking, these 12 pack fucking dudes on Instagram and stuff like that. Some of them are fucking roided up to fucking I Evans and they'll say that they're not. So people's views of like what's naturally attainable is like so distorted. Like it's ridiculous.

[00:09:09] Like if you go back to 2000, is it 2001 when the first Spider-Man came out? Yeah. Look at his physique. That was a superhero physique after he'd been bitten by that spider. Look at him. That is, yeah. Whereas if you look now, it's just completely ridiculous. Like you're just not going to be able to achieve like whatever. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like you look at Superman and Superman ended up being super jacked, didn't it? Yeah. Well, I mean, Henry Cavill's physique. I actually don't know if he were, I don't know if he were juicing or not. I don't think he, I don't think he is.

[00:09:39] I don't know. Well, I always see these promos come on saying, do you wonder why celebrities get so ripped? We're in short spaces of time. Yeah. I think, I think they definitely do something. They've got it. They've got it. They can't. But there's also the case of as well, like if you get to a certain age and you're not making testosterone properly, they put you on TRT, which is testosterone replacement therapy. And it's basically steroids because you're not, you're not making enough testosterone yourself and it can naturally negatively impact your health.

[00:10:07] But obviously the side effects of that is like you, you get incredibly jacked, like easy. Do you know what I mean? Because it's like a side effect of having testosterone replacement therapy. Yeah. Hmm. Anyway, yeah, that's my gym journey going. So if you want to, if you want to get some steroids legally, go and tell them that your testosterone is low. They'll do some tests. You have to prove it though. Well, they'll do some tests and if it is, they'll, I think you get like a, I don't know if it's once a month or once every three months or something like that. You just go and have a jab. To prove it, do you have to like spunk in a cup?

[00:10:36] Uh, no, I don't think they need to measure your testosterone through your sperm belly. Oh, that's where it comes from. That's the wrong kind of, wrong kind of procedure. Isn't it? Yes. I thought that's where it comes from. Uh, speaking on that, you just jogged my memory. Do you know that there's now a new male contraceptive? You sent me a video over there. Did you watch it? Yeah, that's weird. They freeze it. No, right. So for people that don't understand that have not seen this video, so what it is, I don't, I don't know the correct names for fucking piping and tubes in male anatomy.

[00:11:06] So you jizzle, that one. Yeah. Not your wee-o. You jizzle, that one. They put, uh, basically a needle in it and they inject something in it and it makes a non, well, it makes a semi-permeable barrier. That just means that like the certain things can pass through and certain can't. I think that just means there'll be certain size holes that things can pass through and certain things can't, basically.

[00:11:31] So what that'll do is you'll get, you'll get the load but none of the ammo, basically. So like if, so that barrier in your jizzle, right, so the liquid will come through but the sperm, which is like the fucking ammunition, that'll stay locked in there. So it's like a sieve in it, really. Basically, that's kind of like where it is. Yeah. So you're basically shooting blanks. Yeah. But it's non-invasive, so you don't have to have surgery or anything like that. It's just a needle straight in there.

[00:12:00] And I think it lasts for two years, I think. Don't you think, controversially, that maybe when you become of age of puberty, that every bloke should have that kind of procedure done? And then when they decide they want kids with their partner, and they both mutually agree, then they have it reversed, and they just try for kids.

[00:12:29] I mean, there are different, like, condoms exist. Like, that's probably the easiest thing that you could ever do, really. Effort though, innit? I mean, but, yeah. We're lazy. We're naturally lazy. That is true. To be fair, yeah, I do somewhat agree with you, because, like, a woman can only get pregnant once every nine months, where you could just, you could go and impregnate, I don't know, like nine women in space, I don't know, five minutes. One wank. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah.

[00:12:58] It's, uh... There probably should be something like that, but then again, it's like... Yeah, I don't know. Because I was going to say, like, you shouldn't really require people to do that, but I guess as a society, you kind of... Women are kind of forced to do that anyway. Yeah, because, let's be honest, when you come into a relationship anyway, let's be honest, as a bloke, you just naturally go... You sort that contraception bit out. Yeah.

[00:13:28] I want to see side effects of this fucking barrier first. I want to see... Would you do it? I'm going to see side effects of it first and have a look, see what I say, how bad they are. Yeah. See, I... For me... Because my only thought is on that is, obviously, I'm shooting a gun. What about if there's a backlog? What happens? Can I only go once in 24 hours? Like, what does that mean? So what happens when they're caught in the sieve? Do they just die? Well, I don't know. And, like, fall out? Well, how do they fall out? What does that...

[00:13:58] See, this is what I mean. Where does it go? So it gets trapped. So does it go backwards? Does it go back in? Backwash. So, yeah, but does it go back into your bollocks, basically? And then do you get, like, a massive backlog? That can't be right. Like a fucking rugby-sized bollock. Because you're not fucking chisting it. You're just going to have loads of dead fucking... Exactly. So what happens to it? I need to have a look at it properly. Spunk cells. Yeah. I thought they were a pill, anyway, they were coming out. Well, I don't know. See, that... That's probably got more chance of doing something wrong, because that's not...

[00:14:28] That's like a... I don't know. The example that I would give is, like, a general anaesthetic's more dangerous than a local anaesthetic. Do you get what I mean? Because I guess that's a bit same. So you're ingesting some of the... So that could... It's not like... So that could go anywhere, really, without you realising it. Yeah. Whereas if you shoot this thing straight into that pipe, that's local. It's literally there, innit? Mm. True. Mm. I'd just get stint, mate. Oh, you can do that. I would. Nah. Well, me.

[00:14:58] I would. If I could, I wouldn't, but I'm not allowed. Why? Because I've only got... So I've only got one little sperm walker downstairs. Yeah. They say, obviously, I'm younger than 30. Mm-hmm. Not married. Yeah. So they take all that into consideration and basically say... Well, to be fair, that's fair. Because that's a life-changing procedure. And you might turn around in, like, two years and say, oh, shit, I actually do want kids. Do you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. And that's the same for women as well,

[00:15:28] like getting tubes tied and stuff like that, innit? Do you know what I mean? Mm. Yeah. So I get it, but I think as soon as I get to the age of... Mm. ...I'm doing it. Because I don't really fancy having kids at life for me, to be honest. Right. That's just... Fair. Anyway, speaking of lovemaking, it's Valentine's Day soon. It is. All planned. Uh, well... Secretly. Me and our lass are not going out for Valentine's Day. You believe in it?

[00:15:57] Is it a money-making scheme? Well, it is a fucking money-making scheme, innit? It's a Valentine. But fucking... To them, it's not, is it? No, no. But that's... It absolutely is. It's just another... It's just another created holiday. You send one text saying, I ain't got it all because it's just money-making scheme. Yeah. Yeah, see what response you get back. Yeah. I feel like you both know it's a money-making scheme, but if you don't participate, you're still going to end up in shit, even though you know that it's the made-up fucking holiday. Well, I'll say... Because I'll go... Oh, I've got you this. Have you got me out?

[00:16:28] No. All right. Why? Well, you don't want out, do you? Yeah. Oh, right. Okay, no. Not a card or out. Men don't have cards. Yeah. Men don't like... I mean, to be fair, I don't like cards, so she is right. But, yeah. If it were my choice, I wouldn't buy anybody a fucking card. I don't see point at them. There's Christmas cards and all that. I fucking... I hate cards. I can't... I'm just not bothered. I don't get it. It infects the environment. Yeah. Just what's the fucking point? They're up for a date. Gone. Exactly. They're there for a date.

[00:16:58] I'll just send you a text. Like, it's just fucking... Then you can look at it forever. Yeah. I like them, mate. That's what he says. Instead of giving you a card, I've donated to charity. Yeah. Everybody knows they haven't fucking donated. Yeah. I've not done shit. They've just put the name inside of it and said, yep, I will give to children in need instead of giving you a card. Bounce that check back. Thank you very much. Yeah, but what they don't see is that you've only donated 2p. I stole Christmas. Yeah. But, mate, we're not going out for, like,

[00:17:28] Valentine's this year because everything just is more expensive. It's more of a fucking bath. So what we're going to do is... We did it a while ago. We had, like, a date night, but we're just doing this again. And we get a canvas and we choose... Fucking hell. We give the... Yeah. We give the... So I'll give our lass a selection of, like, three or four photos that she has to paint and she doesn't tell me. Why not? And then she gives me a selection of three or four photos and I have to paint that one and then we reveal them at the end. And then we'll be having, like, a meal and stuff as well.

[00:17:56] Why don't you do a life modelling one? A what? A life model. No, that could go wrong in so many ways. Yeah. Like, just you'd stand there naked and she can draw you. Yeah. I don't think mine or our lass' self-confidence is good enough for that because... Yeah. It's just... That's just not going to end well because we're both not artists. So... I can imagine if Becky did that without walking around like, you're missing a fucking couple of inches off that, aren't you? That's what I mean. Yeah. Why have you drawn a circle?

[00:18:29] I'm going to gym. Yeah. Yeah. But, no, we used to choose, like, a random photo that we took that we like. Yeah, no, that's nice, that. I don't... Would you ever do the ghost thing? The pottery? What? The way you hold each other's hands. Well, for one, we've not got a pottery wheel in our house. So, I don't know what... I don't know how it'd be spinning. Just go and buy one. Or go to a... I don't know. Right, okay. Break into a school or something. I actually want to go

[00:18:58] and do a pottery class. For some reason, I feel like I'd be really good at it and I want to go and do a pottery class. You wouldn't have patience? I would, absolutely. You haven't got patience? I have. I promise you, I have. You haven't. One minute, you'll get a wrong edge curve or something like that. You're going to punch it in fucking... I'm not! I'm not like that! In the middle of it. I've got more patience than you have. Oh, yeah, mate, I've got... Mate, I'm just no good at it. I could do pottery. No, I could. It takes time, you know. But the thing is, though, I know I want to do it and I'm stopping myself at the minute

[00:19:28] because I know I'll go out and buy everything and then do it like three times and then not do it again. Impulsive. And we're looking at how much a kiln costs because I'm going to put a kiln in my shed. They're very expensive. Because obviously when you've met them, you've got to put them in a kiln otherwise they just fucking... They don't harden, do they? No. So obviously you need a kiln if you're going to do it. So I had to have a look at how much a kiln costs and they're expensive. I mean, you don't have to do it at home. You can go to them to a facility where they have a kiln. Dead. I'm like that though.

[00:19:58] Very impulsive. Look at this podcast for a start. Let's do a podcast next minute. I'm there. Mike, MacBook. Yeah, we need this. We need that. Yeah. But yeah. So what have you been doing? I fixed my cart the other day. Well, not... No, is it not like a fucking Christmas tree now I'm on dashboard? Well, no, I didn't do any of that. That's just an electrical fault anyway. Well, it's not. I know exactly what that is. There's a pipe that connects the engine to exhaust and that gets clogged every so often.

[00:20:27] It gets like smut in it. And if you don't clean it out, it sends all the sensors off apparently. I just need to clean that pipe out. But I don't know how to clean it out and I don't know where it is. I don't know how you concentrate while you're driving. I just ignore it. You can't. You can. It's lighting up. Yeah. You don't know that. It's that reason. I'm not bothered. You haven't programmed it. You haven't found out. You could blow up any minute. Well, that light's been going off for like three years. Check engine light. Well, it is, but it's not the engine.

[00:20:58] But that's just you saying it's not the engine. But it's not. The car's telling you it's the engine. That light's been on for three years. If it were engine, theoretically, wouldn't something have happened by now? Yeah, but it's building up. What do you mean? It's building up? It's waiting. For a start, it's a diesel as well, so it's not really going to explode, is it? Well, it's waiting. Trust me, you're going to come to me one day and say my car's blown up and I'm going to say I told you. Well, you've been telling me for three years and no one's happened. Well. I've actually taken it to a garage. To get it cleared?

[00:21:28] Tonight. No, none of that. One of my springs broke on car, I think. Because I... Oh my God. How does it pass an MOT? Because it's fine when it has its MOT. Yeah, but none of that's what I'm trying to tell you. None of that stuff on lights is anything to do with car. Like, just the running of the car. That's all just like fucking fancy shit. Like, parking sensors. Two of those... So there's four on it, right? Two of them are to do with parking sensors because parking sensors have stopped work. So that has nothing

[00:21:57] to do with the car. So that has no to do with MOT, right? The other one is a stop-start system fault, right? That, I think, is to do with battery. I think the wrong battery isn't car, so I think you've got to have a good battery for that to work. So that's no to do with cars. That doesn't stop the car running. That's just a stop-start function that doesn't work. Right. The other one is... What is it? Tire. Air pressure. No, that's fine. No, that's fine. I can't remember what it's called.

[00:22:30] This is the only one that I actually don't know what it is. I think I looked it up and I weren't that bothered. That's why I've left it. It were chassis system control fault or something like that. Which I don't know what that is, but it's fine. It's fine, yeah. It is fine, I think. Yeah. But, yeah, the spring, that happened the other day, so obviously I've rang Garage up and just said I need to get springs broke. It'll cost you a few bob, that. What for spring? Well, yeah. I think Garage, man, to do it. Are you doing it yourself? I don't think so. I'm not doing it myself because I had a look at videos

[00:22:59] and you could actually kill yourself if you were at the spring because they're like fully compressed. So, you know, it's a fitting thing. So, if you take that off and it's not in the wrong way, you go, pfft. Mate, I wouldn't even know how to change a light bulb in a car. The other day, I've never felt more like a man in my entire life. I felt like a mechanic. No. So, it's been pissing me off for ages. For about six months, I've not used

[00:23:29] my windscreen wipers. Basically. I don't know why I've had a rate list then. Windscreen wipers. Yeah. So, they work but I've had no coming out of me fucking, you know, out at Jets? Oh, yeah. At all. Nothing. Like a dribble. No square. No square. So, I've basically just not used. I've only turned on my windscreen wipers basically if it's raining. So, I've been driving with a mucky screen. And it pissed me off that much that I thought fuck it, I'm going to have a good doing my scent.

[00:23:59] I'm poor. I'm not 10 minutes at garage. This is something I feel like I could fix. So, I spent about an hour watching YouTube videos. So, I pulled Jets off off a pipe off a front. You know, the little spray bits. Soaked them. They were working. So, they weren't clogged. And then I thought right, so it's obviously further than that. So, then I had to get all pipes out and the pipes were under this fucking thing. And I couldn't get it out without taking all the fucking front off basically.

[00:24:29] So, I had to literally take off my windscreen wipers. I had to get all the bolts off last week. So, I took the metal thing off and everything. So, I took both of them off, got this thing out, got pipes out, cleaned them out. They were fine. So, then I thought fuck, it's Jet. And you know the thing that forces water from the little storage tank through to pipes? Yeah. And I thought it weren't that because I thought I can hear it so it's working but obviously it just weren't pressure weren't good enough obviously.

[00:24:58] So, I ended up having to take the wheel off because to get to tank it's under wheel arch exactly. Right? So, I had to take the driver's side wheel off. Jack it off. Front one. So, I had to jack it up to take the wheel off. But, fucking another thing and all I've got a great fucking gash on my leg because do you know if you take your fucking car to like a tyres place they put your wheel back on with them fucking guns don't they? You try getting one of them

[00:25:28] off with a fucking hand held fucking thing. Fuck me. I've got like an X version like a cross of like a one with spanners on whatever you want to call them and I'd got it on there I would pull in one side and I'd got my foot on the other side so I'm fucking yanking it and I'm literally stood on it I've got all my weight on it and I'm yanking it like that and it's not coming off because I put it on that fucking tyre it took me 30 minutes to get these fucking nuts off and I've got fucking bruises all over my leg because the only way I could do it is if I stood

[00:25:58] on it like that but obviously when it went all that pressure with me just on the end so it went like that so I flung this metal into my shin anyway I got wheel off and then I had to fucking take all that wheel arch out so like you know all that fucking plastic inside and stuff I had to take all that lot off and then I had to fucking get to the jet I replaced the jet but you did it I did it I felt very good I put it all back together as well and I remembered how to put it all back together do you know when you tell people this story you need to not just don't make

[00:26:28] it simple don't tell them like all you did were change windscreen wipers you need to make it like I fixed the screen clearing device on my car well it weren't simple it fucking took me I think it took me four hours that's part of the sail technique as part of safety as well why they do it what do you mean put it on so tight because then you just get mad and go right I'm going to have to fucking take it back to the tyre place well I did consider that at one point because it took me like 10 minutes to get one off and I thought I'm going to have to take them down in just

[00:26:57] a second you can't get it off but now I just persevered I'm not fucking doing that because I dunked first one and I were in a rake bad mood after that because I thought you fucking wankers why have you put them on that tight and then got me set in a rake mood I

[00:27:33] hit my shin about third time did you launch it no I were close I were very fucking close but now that I've done that that's given me confidence to think fuck it I'm going to try and sort out my parking sensors and all I'm going to order some of them on Amazon so next week we're going to come on and say I don't know anybody who's selling a car but I don't know if I'm going to have

[00:28:04] I'm going to do some more YouTube videos and watch some more of them and see if I can have a go see don't you think YouTube just replaced school you can learn all on that I give me a boost of

[00:28:34] confidence to think fuck it I could do it and if not I'll just not have a bumper it's fine do you not feel judged when you're in it's got

[00:29:04] an 8V engine what does that mean it's got pistons front body looks amazing I know fuck all about cars and do you know what I don't care they've never interested me they'd probably interest me if I got money to buy a nice one if you went car shopping with a million quid I think you'd probably take a bit of an interest wouldn't you yeah it'd be a bit different but like I've always said they make it the speed limit is 70 so why make a car go 120

[00:29:33] yeah that's something I've never understood but I suppose in Germany they've got autoban haven't they yeah that yeah autoglass repair well it's autoban not but yes but yeah so they can actually use cars to fucking speed they want can't they really so before we move on to the segment I just want to get have you seen what's happened in fucking Santorini or has it happened yet I've no idea what you're about the earthquakes I've no idea what you're about oh there's been like massive earthquakes and they've

[00:30:03] all had to evacuate the island no I've not seen anything I didn't even think we got them in Europe well that Santorini yeah Mamma Mia place yeah yeah isn't that like a dormant it's not a dormant but it used to be a volcano didn't it I have no idea yeah maybe I think it did obviously it's not a volcano anymore I don't know I forgot the name because dormant means it's still active but it's inactive I think it would a volcano oh my god it might

[00:30:32] be a Pompeii if an earthquake hits it there let's have a look hang on but yeah it's mad I didn't even think we got earthquakes in like Europe you know we've had earthquakes here right in England yes I thought but we're ages away ages away from what what the fuck are you all about from the thing the things in the sea do you know how earthquakes happen earthquakes yeah I don't know what's wrong with me do you know how earthquakes happen yeah it's where the tectonic plates rub each other yeah

[00:31:01] but I thought we were miles away from any of that any of them plates yeah but they can still like they'll still travel quite far away we've never had a tsunami have we no no so like Skeggy's never had a tsunami we've had an earthquake have we yeah can't remember it was years and years ago like obviously it was fucking years ago I slept through it so it obviously weren't that bad like it shook out yeah but I slept through it I didn't wake up yeah

[00:31:32] I can't even remember anyone talking about it yeah Santorini oh so it's it was formed by a volcano basically so it's like the remnants I think so yeah 5.4 I think oh wait what the active volcano lies underwater also it is active oh dear Santorini's famous volcano let's have a look so it's underwater

[00:32:01] does lava still come out of it er well if it's active I should imagine so yeah but it'll fucking cool like immediately as soon as it comes out will it cool or boil the water depends how much comes out if a lot will come out it'll fucking boil water won't it oh my gosh but it's the case of if more comes out and it solidifies that's making that's basically making an island do you get what I mean so there'll be a new island so that's our islands like volcanic islands emerge don't they because

[00:32:31] they fucking explode and it comes off yeah apparently it's an active volcano still there so what's this with earthquakes let's have a look put it in Santorini's earthquakes mad Santorini earthquakes I mean I've seen all this on tiktok so you know official source yeah man on inside are you one of them that just believes everything that they see just all heartedly do you know what's scaring me at the minute AI because I thought I'm really good at detecting these

[00:33:00] and an AI video tricked me out all the day and I think I'm pretty good at telling whether it's AI or not because there's certain things you can look for and you're like no that's bullshit that's AI but it weren't it was this fucking video this giant squid being cleaned but I thought it were like fucking it were real and I got to end it and there were comments saying this is definitely AI look at thing and I missed it and I'm like fucking hell I thought that were real but yeah two days ago 7.8 magnitude earthquake hit

[00:33:30] between Santorini and nearby island Armagos destroyed much of the island what oh shit I've not seen any of this yeah oh is it is it it then it's it this was two days ago on BBC tourists leave after earthquakes rock Santorini but resilient locals remain they don't give a fuck earthquake I'll just get a sandbag fucking hell they weren't powerful aftershock as well 12 minutes after caused further damage oh shit oh no wait

[00:34:00] no no no no no are you looking at one what happened like in 1927 yeah oh yeah 1956 oh wait wait you've just said two days ago yeah because this was published two days ago so what the fuck is it on about I'm telling you it happened sorry they've led with that first that's so why would you write an article like that fucking idiots

[00:34:31] hang on you're calling out me subtle tremors so it's had full-fledged quakes shaking homes families rushed to leave by air and sea I don't know why they fucking started with that fucking wankers that made me think that fucking 53 people had just died now they've had the earthquakes but no one's died at all it's a magnitude of 5.2 yeah so it's not awoken the so them red dots

[00:35:00] were like epicenters earthquakes oh yeah so basically obviously people can't see it's in the ocean between Santorini and Amorgos but yeah nice well not nice but yeah yeah nice well done guys fucking idiot who wrote that article you're gonna call out BBC 11,000 people have left the island just think they're all

[00:35:29] instagram influencers all pissed I've not got the pictures yeah are you ready for the segment yeah ready for the song 3 2 1 segment time segment time it is segment time yeah ready then yeah so today's segment is me and Jack have basically come up with a load of statements or found a load of statements

[00:35:59] and we have to guess if it's true or false okay okay yeah who's going first three two one go ah you your turn you can I won by the way I'm gonna give you an easy one first because theoretically you should just be able to work this out alright when the two numbers on the opposite side of a dice are added together it always equals seven true

[00:36:30] yes it's true I just thought the two and the five right funny because we've just been on about this blue eyes are newer to the human race than pottery true yep yeah how mad's that so a 2008 study traced the gene for blue eyes to a person who lived 10,000 years ago some of the world's oldest pieces of pottery dated back 20,000 years ago

[00:36:59] so your eyes have only been in existence for 10,000 years yeah right a cross between a horse and a zebra is called a hobbra true or false false yes it's false a male zebra and a female horse is called a zoos and a female zebra and a i didn't know you could just fucking grab two animals and shag yeah right 50 cent and charlie

[00:37:29] chaplain were alive at the same time true yep nice charlie chaplain died when 50 cent was two and a half years old very nice um a is the most common letter used in the english language false no it's false do you know which it is x pardon x

[00:37:59] it's a trick question why would why the fuck would it be x how many times do you use the letter x when you speak it's virtually never silently it's virtually never all right what what e yes yeah okay it's fucking x it's virtually never one of them trick ones right okay right trees existed before sharks uh no sharks are older than trees wait so is it

[00:38:28] trees existed before sharks false false yeah i know that sharks are older than trees yep so the earliest shark fossil dates back to 420 million years ago yep the first trees appeared on earth about 408 million years ago yep map that right hang on in a deck of cards the king

[00:38:58] has a mustache true or false yeah true he does false oh what does he he has a beard though doesn't he uh i don't know but he doesn't have a mustache oh i thought i thought he had a big fucking curly one nope bastard michigan is larger than great britain true yep english is the most spoken language in the world true

[00:39:30] false is it spanish it's mandarin chinese what that's more common than english is it because there's more people probably fuckers columnless clouds were anywhere from 15 to 30 pounds basic clouds in the sky say that again columnless cum cum cumulus cumulus cumulus cumulus what am i saying it wrong cumulus

[00:39:59] cumulus fuck well that's the next clip they weigh anywhere from 15 to 30 pounds true false is it okay that word clouds can weigh more than a million pounds yeah it's because of all moisture trapped in them yeah it's because of all rain right i'm sorry i'm just finding

[00:40:29] another good one before becoming queen queen elizabeth the second trained as a mechanic true or false i've watched the crown it's true fuck off no she didn't before becoming queen queen elizabeth the second trained as a mechanic well they didn't pick that up pink crown they forgot that bit she went to fucking africa that doesn't mean that she couldn't have trained are we all about the queen who just died that queen

[00:40:58] yeah that's queen elizabeth the second do you know that not everything in the crown is true right like it's based on truth but not everything is truth right it is no everything what happened apart from obviously the conspiracy side of it but like everything else happened it's not like they went to africa and they got yeah so so so yeah so like there's a there's a lot like a lot of it in it's true but not everything is true like it's not a documentary

[00:41:27] like it's a fiction well it's not but i don't know what the word is to describe it exaggerated yeah there'll be a lot of stuff that were exaggerated like they don't know any of the conversations that were had these people didn't have recording devices on them all time and shit like that i thought they told them i thought they interviewed them and said what happened when you yeah there are 14 bones in the human foot

[00:41:57] uh i think there's more no no i think there's more false yes there is 28 yeah in each foot yeah don't babies when they're born and they got like fucking 300 bones or something yeah because the skull's like four bones yeah and then it all molds into one yeah uh i don't this is a weird one uh lou walsh is older than simon cowell true or false true it is true yeah i don't know why

[00:42:27] i'm trying to think of his voice now you're a pop star you look like a pop star you sing like a pop star that's louis walsh and guess what you are a pop star um matches were invented before lighters uh false yep the first push button lighter the doberina lamp was invented in 1824

[00:42:57] practical friction matches similar to that was used today were invented in 1827 so not too far how why would you match the atomic number for lithium is 17 true or false what say again the atomic number for lithium is 17 true or false true false it's three oh is it yeah fucking idiot how would i know that the population

[00:43:27] of california is larger than the entire population of canada say again the population of california is larger than the entire population of canada true it is true yes there's 39 million people in california and there's 37 million people in canada 39 million people right ready yep the small intestine is about three and a

[00:43:57] half times the length of your body true or false true it is long it is yeah it's the longest section of your digestive tube measuring about 22 feet or seven meters on average oh god so you've got 22 feet of piping it's like a giant worm in your abdomen the world's population tripled in the last 50 years true

[00:44:26] false the world's population has actually doubled to seven billion it's decreasing at the minute i think or it's not it's not decreasing it's just slowly stagnant i think so it's only doubled it's not tripled right the great wall of china is longer than the distance between london and beijing true true yeah it's fucking right weapon that isn't it london to beijing is only 8136 kilometers whereas the great wall of china is

[00:44:59] 21196 kilometers mad that's ridiculous i think we should walk it how long would it take to walk that can you do you reckon you're allowed yeah of course you are i think well i think you are uh how long would it take oh my god you see so many stupid videos at minute of people just walking to random places day seven of walking from london to new zealand oh they're fucking stupid who watches them yeah they're not in my

[00:45:28] algorithm or anything um guess how long it'd take to walk great wall of china oh fucking hell if it's from if it's longer than london to beijing it's gonna take probably 40 years that's that's what is that right too much too much too less that is a

[00:45:57] way above okay fucking hell 10 years no five a year 18 months okay not 40 fucking years you don't know how fast i'm walking what are you doing fucking crawling okay oh my god i think we should do that 18 months day one walking great wall of china fuck that mate i'd be bored after about is it a straight line or is it a circle i think it's a straight line

[00:46:27] isn't it yeah i think so anyway i'm not entirely sure right two 12 inch pizzas have more pizza than a 17 inch pizza say that again two 12 inch pizzas have more pizza than a 17 inch pizza false yes i know this that's why i always order a bigger pizza instead of two i'm not daft i know my pizza math uh

[00:46:57] right yeah go on a few more i don't even know how to spell this uh say it alien phobia is a fear of garlic alien phobia alien alien phobia is a fear of garlic true yes hot and cold water sound the same when you pour them false

[00:47:27] yes it is false they actually sound different the hot water has a higher viscosity viscosity viscosity viscosity what's that word say it begins with e viscosity viscosity ketchup was once used to cure diseases like diarrhea and colds true true yeah i know that right

[00:47:56] more people are more people are killed each year by cows than by sharks true yeah it is true wait oh it's fucking moved me on where is it where is it where is it where is it right ready yeah go on a golf ball is the fastest recorded object in sports a golf ball fastest recorded object in sports true

[00:48:26] it's gotta be false what is a shuttlecock fuck off i know it's way lighter isn't it i wonder it's got feathers on it hasn't it well i don't know to be honest kind of i've got no more so okay we'll call it then so i don't we didn't keep score did we i think you won uh yeah i think so uh i'll throw you a few more just quick ones well then if you sneeze with your eyes

[00:48:56] open your eyes will pop out yes absolutely false but how do you know no one's done it well i'm pretty sure somebody will have done it how they will have done it what unless they've had them things just keeping their eyes open yeah fucking risky bastards yeah eating too many carrots can make your skin turn orange false true fuck off that's actually true really yeah does it help you see it dark probably not i think that's because it's got

[00:49:25] is it beta carotene in it i actually don't know i've no idea where that peeing on a jellyfish sting helps with the pain true or false false doesn't help doesn't help so why do people do it i don't know because it's a myth oh unless it was just started by somebody that just wanted to pee on somebody yeah you can swallow and breathe at same time false false i just tried it you're shorter at night than you are in the morning what

[00:49:56] false true are you really yeah i'm measuring me sending it fucking morning yeah there you go all aspects of your body yeah uh our blood contains gold true true yeah uh humans lose an average of 75 hairs from their head every month true false oh we can actually lose up to 75 strands of hair each day oh you don't fucking you doubled that didn't i'm gonna say not for me

[00:50:25] i lost all the money in that space of three months 5000 hairs in one day yeah that's it ah good cheers guys right see you next week guys see you later guys bye bye