S2 E15 - Significant Dates

[00:00:00] show me the web podcast what will we even call it?

[00:00:07] mind map?

[00:00:09] ah go on then

[00:00:13] welcome back to another episode of mind map with Billy and Jack

[00:00:24] nobody fucking cares about that seeking to get pregnant. For some European cultures it also represents a symbol of peace since at one time combatants could declare a truce in a battle. In the middle ages it was believed that placing a branch of this plant near the cribs of babies protected them against witches. What? Mistletoe? Mistletoe. What is it? I can't even think what it is.

[00:01:40] So basically. Is it a leaf? Is it a leaf isn't it? Because I actually don't know that. Does mistletoe grow all year round? One second. It only grows at Christmas. The mistletoe's leaves are green all year round, but are more visible in the winter once other

[00:03:01] trees have lost their leaves.

[00:03:03] The white berries appear from around October until May. belt or something yeah have you done that before yes okay yeah it seems like something that you do yeah yeah there you go missal toe I wish there were missal toe right now why would you want to kiss me maybe we should get some what you win a million pound but you have to give a quarter it's charity and then it says me and it's like that face like. And he's got nine, he's got nine hundred thousand nine hundred ninety nine. Or seventy five pence.

[00:05:42] Nice.

[00:05:43] I love memes.

[00:05:46] Yeah they are funny.

[00:05:48] They consume me. dangerous no I don't know I must have had some dodgy shit in it it's anonymous no I don't get it then why is it obviously owned by someone yeah no the link so the link allowed'd never trust anyone with a handshake again Yeah Because I just think they've got like You smartwatches can do that cord reading Yeah, alright You'll go through this surgery, you have it put in

[00:08:22] What about if it malfunctions?

[00:08:23] Then you're gonna have it at again and then fucking put in again

[00:08:25] And then

[00:08:26] Yeah, and then your cord gets frozen

[00:08:27] Yeah

[00:08:27] What about if it's no jobs, you're dead. Well then that's when you turn to crime. But ah. And you steal people's time. Right. I think that's gonna make more crime than it is solved crime.

[00:09:43] Put your hands up.

[00:09:44] Gimme a minute.

[00:09:45] Yeah.

[00:09:46] What?

[00:09:48] The ethical bandit. and then coming out with fucking trolley full well your first mistake with going to Morrisons well yeah but they were the only one there like only supermarket there pick up Aldi a little dunno dunno Aldi's fucking step game up yeah it's getting there innit getting there nah none of this low price shit buying Snackerits for like fucking same price as Walker's now

[00:11:01] oh no

[00:11:03] you may as well buy Walker's then

[00:11:05] how do they get away with it?

[00:11:07] what?

[00:11:08] how the fuck do they the products will it? It won't be other companies. Well, it's Aldi's own company. Aldi's got their own stuff, you know in there. Obviously they import some stuff, but Aldi's got their own brands of stuff. Yeah Yeah, have you ever gone into what's most fanciest one you've been? Shopping like a supermarket. Waitrose. You've been in a waitrose?

[00:12:24] Right northern centers

[00:13:24] But be honest, the last time I went for weight rose was for that cheese and that was fucking years ago

[00:13:28] So you can't say that I shop at weight rose. I don't think I've ever seen outside of one

[00:13:34] Well, it's kind of like asda, but posha. That's what they look like same kind of writing and that

[00:13:37] Yeah, but like what's like layout inside and that?

[00:13:42] Like a supermarket but like have you got them like stupid boards at the top where it says crisps And then you walk down it and there's no crisps

[00:13:44] Well in weight rose it says caviar

[00:13:47] Prosecco Yeah I do but I would not like to think what Michael Astral is. I'd say you're in like the thousands yeah which is like clinically dead. My blood is just pumping cheese around my body. Nice. Yeah what's your favourite? Man's caramelised onion. So you're talking like Christmas cheese, like cheese and crackers

[00:15:01] not like cheese you have like the most throughout you. cow in Jamaica oh right okay is it but it's good spicy though yeah a bit spicy well it's jerk seasoning I should imagine it'd be spicy yeah I don't know yeah I don't like spicy cheeses like I don't like spicy cheese like it's got chili in it I don't try and avoid it I don't not

[00:16:23] a fan yeah what's the other one at all. What's another cheese that I like? What is it? I forgot it, it's very nice. Fuck off. You're having like a Christmas cheeseburger, baby bells on there.

[00:17:41] No.

[00:17:42] Cheese, do you have the soft cheese though as well?

[00:17:45] Cream cheese.

[00:17:45] Yeah.

[00:17:46] Like the garlic and herb and. I'm not I can see it already. It's just I don't do it very often. I'm good at it I just don't do it very often. Fucking old puns and pots are gonna be smashed all over that. No it won't I like making crumble because it's very nice. Yeah but the problem with you Jack if the one slightest little thing Goes wrong it'll irritate you that much. You'll just fucking walk out and explode. It's cuz I'm a perfectionist That's the problem. Or if you can't scoop it properly and you've had like two or three attempts

[00:19:04] That's it. You just fucking throw a lot up in there. Because it doesn't do what I want it to do

[00:20:03] then but you know what I kept doing I think it's probably a bit bad actually so every time I pick some are you twiddling your penis down there stop I've

[00:20:07] got some poo bags fucking take a minute I can just hear it I can just see you

[00:20:10] fiddling some of my heart yeah so when I got a night like pick some up and I

[00:20:15] thought sorry what did I do instantly bite no no smell it no eat it check on

[00:20:22] Amazon see how much it for there hmm yeah well that's not that's just like I did it ages ago. Oh, check you. One of the things she asked for, so she knows about it and she's tried it out. So like, but like, so. Then I think, don't know when they do that. I think, well, what's point wrapping it up? I've said this, I said, well, do you want it now? Since you've already tried it on? Yeah. Do you want to wait? No, wrap it up. What are they gonna do? Pretend to be surprised on Tuesday. Oh my God, I can't believe you got me this.

[00:21:40] I can't believe you.

[00:21:41] And it's the right size.

[00:21:43] It fits, it fits.

[00:21:46] How did you know?

[00:22:44] I don't need to look I'm gonna get it anyway so what's would you not look if I was a still a child then yes would you not look now no now I don't need to I

[00:22:49] know where she's it's on my Christmas presents in house and I've not looked

[00:22:52] Jack you've looked I haven't I promise you know what you've got I swear on my

[00:22:56] nan's life I haven't looked my you're only thing the only thing that I know

[00:23:02] what she's got me is because I asked for can't do anything Alright bad You look like you're having a stroke or a fucking really strong shit. So my non-dominant eye is my right eye But my dominant hand is my right hand How does that make sense? So I can wink with my left eye no problem. I'm the same as that. I never realized that yeah my right

[00:24:24] I'm just my dominant eye is my left, but my dominant hand Yeah. You're one of them and all who fucking sleeps instantly. You're like, I'm free to walk. Emma hates me because she'll like, we'll get in bed. We'll get in bed and she'll like try and have a conversation and I'm like, shut up, I'm gonna sleep. And then I put my head on a pillar and I'm done. I'm asleep. I don't know how you do that.

[00:25:40] That's good.

[00:25:41] Cause I like text me ages to get to sleep.

[00:25:43] It's probably just cause I'm not fucking exhausted constantly that I just, soon as my head hits

[00:25:46] a pillar, I would be a fuck. Everything is about me. Fuck yeah fuck. Yeah I do I do feel sorry for people that work in retail but end of day. What you chose that game did. That is what it was. And no it says that's like people still get sick Christmas day. Yeah but I'm not saying that for them I'm just we're not that no, but I wasn't there like billions of years ago I'm pretty sure the moon was an asteroid or it was a planet that moved into our orbit and it hit us on the corner and bounced off and then it then it became in the orbit and then it orbit us and Some of the same chemicals that found on earth. So like I don't know iron and all that bollocks

[00:28:22] Is it's found on the moon which is very strange. So we've get it. Yeah, so like so I think that die I think it's that cold I think I think that's the reason why people don't go yeah but that first moon landing I think was fake because I think it was just to Trump Russia I think in the space race just to be yeah I think that's all it were but I do genuinely think that I think that people have been to moon and like London at moon and stuff and been to space like

[00:29:42] that's fine but yeah I think I think that particular thing I think that was

[00:29:46] just about winning the race against Russia I It might be actually. I don't know. I'm not, I'm not a physicist. So like, I think what he was saying, so like if you wanted to go to Australia, it takes 24 hours doing it on a normal commercial planet. I have no idea. I've never been. And it, he like could reduce it to like six hours if you come out or orbit. It might not be six hours. In the chance of death like fucking 500 times higher

[00:31:03] though. Well, yeah, I can't imagine you Yeah something like that. But yeah back to space thing. Space is cool isn't it? It's weird. Yeah I enjoy it. Also what's the time because Billy's going out on piss-up soon. I want sesh. Billy is the most awful drunk person you've ever met.

[00:32:24] No I'm not. No not drunk person sorry. I'm a happy drunk. No get me any bed. Yeah, that's because you don't drink. Yeah true. I Can't wait for the second of January. Why if you do what if you break you? Sell a busy I actually think on the first day on the first day of January. I think that is that is a year Well, yeah, it is so I can I can drink on the way I can drink on the news day

[00:33:40] Yeah, because I think fucking cheap won't feel power up there. Well me and Emma got a bottle of

[00:33:46] Champagne for getting engaged. So I think we're gonna so good at that well I mean it's like four words can you explain so what it is me and Billy are running out segment ideas now so we're literally just fucking coming out with shit out of his arses like we've no idea at some point we're gonna have to restart doing like the first ones that we did

[00:35:01] because we're like we'd like two seasons in now how many episodes like nearly 50 made it but you'll get what yeah i'm still thinking i want is it that's what she said jack fucking hell what you wishing for you? I've done. World peace tell me you wish no cos i didn't want to come true! it will! no it won't! it will! no!

[00:36:22] it will! no! fuck off! do you know what i mean?

[00:36:24] always go and first me or you!

[00:36:26] rock paper scissors Yeah, William the Conqueror defeats Harold at the Battle of Hastings. Yeah. Shadow of mine. Yep. So, I haven't got the specific date, but a certain object was made in 1816. That has impacted our lives massively. The first ever dildo. No. But I wish I'd have researched that.

[00:37:41] Erm...

[00:37:42] What did you say?

[00:37:46] It was the first, like, object that we use every day.

[00:37:46] Car.

[00:37:47] No.

[00:37:49] In 1816, the wrong 1346 yes King Henry was born no King Charles was born no was it to do with a monarchy no 1066 no 1366 1346 not as though it makes much difference

[00:39:00] because you don't let me just think oh no didn't discover fire was discovered well before 1346 no I can go here and every day the black plague arrives in England who that when asked you in it

[00:40:22] yes killed a lot better yeah

[00:40:25] swept across country well over a quarter of the population of beliefs have died 7600 BC what? 7600 BC Okay, and eight thousand two hundred BC So yeah, you know eight thousand two hundred is the oldest date don't you? Oh, yeah that way Yes, why I've got it that way around. Yes 8200 is the oldest day and then seven those because it goes he goes from big numbers to zero and then from zero to up

[00:41:40] Okay, so eight thousand two hundred to seven thousand six hundred BC something was made

[00:42:49] yes a thing a thing wine that we used as of today wine no is it edible no vases

[00:42:57] what's a vase of ours yeah what you put flowers in yeah no hey that wasn't it's not just eight thousand years ago is it it's like ten thousand years ago yeah i don't know agriculture what

[00:43:03] agriculture we invented yeah like making food no i think that happened like 11 000 years ago started the government no the Queen no Parliament no potato no it wasn't invented either fucking hell discovered yeah oh this was invented not discovered not invented it started it's not it's not been discovered and it's not and

[00:44:21] it's not invented it started. Battle of the roses?

[00:45:40] Yes!

[00:45:41] Yes!

[00:45:42] Yes!

[00:45:43] Yes!

[00:45:44] Yes!

[00:45:45] Yes!

[00:45:46] Yes!

[00:45:47] Yes!

[00:45:48] Yes! Roses. Why have we never made a film about this? Yes. So Henry VII would have had a son.

[00:48:20] So I don't know if it's his dad that had it, will it?

[00:48:23] Yeah, that's how it works.

[00:48:25] Not necessarily, because he just killed somebody to become fucking king. fucking do you know reason why Yorkshire lost back then why because they didn't have manual pal if they've had if they would have had those back then would have fucking won in lights it would have won in three days I'd have been on that horse galloping we're spear we're spear no armor on I don't have a different

[00:49:40] event at a gun by the journey yeah I divide my machine guns yeah we mean you when worry when worry just get a ass at when worry one second I'll get the actual date up in a sec 1989 1455 might be someone

[00:51:05] so you think there's somebody who's 500 and odd years old because we won. I can't imagine many Germans watch World War 2 films. Well I should imagine they do. Why? It's like watching your football team lose, you don't really watch the match. Yeah, erm, that's the picture. It's probably going to be a shit film but... Anyway shall we move on?

[00:52:23] I'm quite interested about this now. I want to do an ancestry test and see where my DNA

[00:52:28] comes from as well. is found most commonly in Germany. Get that, yeah I get that. That's what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about the family tree. Where they turn round and say, you're a great great great great great great great grandfather with fucking King Emory. Well I mean, that is possible, they could do that. How? Not specifically me, because you can just follow like fucking paperwork, there's paperwork, like from people to bone. What we just did here written down.

[00:53:40] Do you think they took blood tests back then?

[00:53:42] I don't know.

[00:53:43] Exactly, that's what I mean, they can't have.

[00:53:46] Yeah but if you've got a good lineage what happens if you found out you're a king or a prince descended or a king yeah well then you fucking go and get your birthright what about if it's not here well then you wouldn't get your birthright where would you go what let's say you're gonna I'm not choosing where I'm a king you're gonna be the king of Spain yeah I'm gonna learn fucking Spanish then hello you're both right it's king of Spain but you've got a jewel the king

[00:55:00] I'm fucking jeweler you're going for it that's my destiny that's what I'll put

[00:55:04] here for I'm turning all fucking XCO me I'm going Assassin's Creed on the don't know tell me change the course of history today that's not the point you don't just go tell me is it the internet yeah yeah it's mine says 1989 mine says 1983 I think you're wrong January 1st mine just says Internet Tim Burns Lee invents the world wide web Internet 1989 few inventors have changed our lives as much as the Internet when Tim Burns

[00:56:22] proposed a new information management system at CERN in 1989 So to be able to invent www the internet must have already existed. Yeah, it's got a guy invented the internet And then your guy invented a www World Wide Web So really your guys just made a load of shit mine mine med the entire fucking matrix. You're just made a little code

[00:57:46] Without that code who wouldn't have what we've got today. What are you joking? We won. They made the entire internet. They made it all