Video Game Creation

[00:00:00] Welcome back to another episode of MindMap with Billy and Jack. Nobody fucking cares about that. Did you know that the word muscle comes from Latin for little mouse? And that is because Romans thought biceps look like mice under your skin. No way. Yeah, so when you're flexing your muscles... Do that again. It's a little mice under its skin. You've been hitting gin? No, I haven't. You have. You've been chaining them mice, haven't you? That's the whole reason the facts come out. No, it's not.

[00:00:31] So when you're on steroids, are you just feeding the mice rice? Yeah. Rice? No, cheese. Well, when you're on steroids, you feed them gear, mate. Not rice and cheese. Is steroids being invented then? Err, no, probably not. In Latin? No, I don't think so. Not back when Romans were bought. Ah, okay. I don't think they had gear back then. They were very athletic, or like what films make you believe anyway. Yeah. Every time you see like an ancient film, it's like... You never see like a fat Roman, do you? Except for the king.

[00:01:00] Well, yeah, except for emperor. But how can they get fat? Because they've got like... All they ever eat is like grapes and fruit and that. I don't think it's just grapes, is it? Well, on films and that. I think it's probably from lack of movement as well. Yeah, being carried around. Whereas everybody else has to like fight for their life daily. I'd fucking love that, wouldn't you? Just being carried around? Err, no, I don't think so. Oh, that'd be amazing. That, you would enjoy that. That just like inflates your ego, I reckon. That would be hard to get me spitting on people.

[00:01:30] Yeah. Who the fuck are you talking to? Who are you looking at? You don't need any extra help, do you? Have you seen my Uber? Yeah, nice. I forgot what the fact was. So are mice in your muscles? No, the word muscle comes from Latin and that means little... It's a Latin phrase that means little mice. Right, okay. Yeah, how did they get from that to muscle? Well, muscle is the English-like translation. Yeah.

[00:01:58] Because the actual Latin name is muscu... I can't remember. Hang on, let me find it. I can't remember what it's called. But the muscle is the English translation of the Latin. Right. So the Latin is not muscle. It's musculus. Musculus. Musculus. Musculus. Right. Something like that. I don't know why I'm saying it in that accent. Musculus. Musculus. Makes it sound Latin. That's cool. Yeah. Come on then, it is a real fact. You joke. No, it's not. You're a fact.

[00:02:28] Right, you joke. You ready? Yeah. Don't guess it like you did last week. Well, you better be good then, aren't you? It's not very good. It's not my fault I guessed it, is it? It's not very good. Right. What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They never come back. My dad's dead. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. No, that wasn't the punch. What? They're both disabled.

[00:03:02] Right, okay. Because they've got a little fin, hasn't they? Yeah. Okay. I wonder if they're going to do a remake of that. I don't know. I like that film. It's really good. They can't be nice. They're one of my favorite ones. Can they? How can you do that with fish? Yeah, it was really nice. I enjoyed that one. It's a good one though, isn't it? Yeah, which one? The Nemo or the Dory? Nemo's better than finding Dory, isn't it? Yeah, she does me heading. I think it's because it's Ellen Degenerate. Degenerous? Ellen Degenerate.

[00:03:31] Is she still missing, by the way? What? She like fled, didn't she? Oh, she lives in the UK. Oh, so she didn't flee very far then. Well, she's moved from America to the UK. I thought she went wrong. Oh, I don't know. Like in Argentina and that. No. I don't know. Well, she got those accusations of being a crazy woman, didn't she? Yeah. From that show. Is it Ellen? Ellen show or something. Drinking kids' blood and all that shit. No, that's a load of bullshit. Do you know what is true though? Also, I'm just spitting off at Domi.

[00:04:00] I might be talking about absolute bollocks. Yeah. I think they take blood platelets from young people and they're injecting it into your face into like old people because it's meant to be like rejuvenate. Yeah, it makes you... I can't remember where it is. I thought, because I thought... So the whole like vampire trial thing is that were all like all the woo-ha back in the day is kind of technically true. See, I thought it were where like Monsters Inc. started nailing a bit on Ed. What? So they... Monsters Inc. Right. I'm going to go real in depth about Monsters Inc.

[00:04:29] They scare kids to get the scream energy. Right. So the screams... Have you watched Monsters Inc. recently? Recently. And what they use for the scream is what they use to power the city. Right. In it? Yes. Remember? Mm-hmm. So I think they were touching on the door because what they were doing is scaring because you're supposed to scare the kids, which then releases an enzyme or something in the blood, which then you abstract and I don't know what you do with it.

[00:04:58] Then drink it or rub it on your face or something. And it makes you look younger. Where have you come up with this, Billy? Because this just sounds like just... TikTok, Disney. Oh my God. You're in those rabbit holes, aren't you? All blended together. Yeah. Makes the perfect conspiracy. Yeah. See, the thing is, though, some conspiracy theories are really interesting because they're well thought out, they're planned, and they actually make you think, realistically, that could be true. Like lizard people in New York. Well, obviously not that. No.

[00:05:26] But also, the one that you've just stated is that just sounds like complete and utter stupidness. Yeah, but they do that. Obviously not. I mean, Monsters... But Disney do relate to a lot of stuff. Does it? That happens in the real world. Okay. There's actually... I've seen the thing of the... There's like secret phallic shit. It's in Disney films, isn't there? Have you seen that? What, with like dirty Uendos and shit? No, like phallic. Do you know what phallic is? No. It's a penis. So like an outline of a penis. Why don't you just call it a penis, then? Because I just say phallic shapes. Is that like posh or something?

[00:05:55] No, I don't think so. Oh, I want to take my phallic. Is that like... Because I just didn't want to say penis. Why? I don't know. I just said phallic. Okay. Is that all right? Yeah. Right, okay. You've got a phallic on your head. You know, like some intros and stuff like that? There's like phallic shapes in the background. It's really weird. Right, okay. Whether it's an accident or not, I don't know. It's a weirdly drawn cloud or something. But it's definitely in there, yeah. Oh, that's cool. Anyway, enough about that.

[00:06:24] Tell me and us, the listeners, what's happened to your nose? Because it looks like it's trying to break free from your face. It's ripping the skin off your face. What's happened? I went on holiday. Nice. Very nice. Where did you go? Alcudia. Right. Where's that? Spain. Do you know how to locate it on a map? What, like if I just have to point to it? Yeah. No. It's Mallorca. Right, okay. Do you know where Mallorca is? In Spain. Whereabouts?

[00:06:54] Europe. Okay. Yeah, okay, go. It was hot. I don't know what. You're so shit. You should work for two of you. You're proper selling this. It was hot. I got burnt. Right. I did the big boy, you know. I don't really fucking... So, it was hot, but it wasn't hot. Did you forget to put sun cream on your nose? No, it was the beach. I was on the beach. Right. And you don't feel heat on the beach.

[00:07:23] It's because of wind. I'll agree with you there. So, I thought it was fucking freezing, and I were in and out at sea. Yeah. Like a mermaid. Right. Right. And I thought, oh, I'm all right. I kept... I took the child. I kept the child skins healthy. Bobby's still in, like, one piece, isn't he? Yeah, yeah. He's just... You lathered him up in green, yeah? Yeah. Right, yeah, right. Yeah. He's all right. It looks like he's not been on holiday. Well, I just didn't feel it, so I thought my skin could take it. What?

[00:07:52] That's such a stupid thing to say. Clearly not. Because they were, like, 20. I thought, I can take 20 degrees. 20 degrees? Yeah, my fucking... I get an hot tub at 40. Don't I mean? Yeah, but my skin can take it then. It's not exactly about the temperature. It's about the UV rays. Yeah, well, it's still the same temperature, isn't it? But you can have 20 degrees and have really high UV rays. Which is, what, 100 degrees, isn't it? Right. I only know it by temperature.

[00:08:22] Yeah, okay. So, it is hot. I had sunglasses. The heat is, like, an indicator of the UV rays, basically. Right, okay. But it can be, like, 20 degrees, but still have, like, really high UV rays. Yeah. So, you might have got... It might have gone on, like, 20 degrees, but you might have had really high UV rays. So, I got... I got... You... You what? Ultraviolet. Ultraviolet burnt. Yeah. Is that what I got? Yeah. Well, that is what sunburn is, Billy. Oh, okay. So, I got burnt, anyway. Yes, you got burnt.

[00:08:54] Any highlight of the holiday? Surprisingly, there was no English. Well, that's good. Apart from me and the two others. I'm going to say it. And the two others are so... Yeah. Yeah. Which was really frustrating for the little one. Oh, because he couldn't make any friends? Because he couldn't make any friends. Well, to be fair, the lad... Tried. Tried. Yeah. He did try. Like, the language barrier was probably in the way for him. Yeah. To bond with some people. Yeah.

[00:09:24] Especially when he starts trying to copy them. He was trying to copy people? Okay. So, I taught him the basics that I knew. What? Had to make friends? No! I was going to say he's screwed, innit? You go up to him, you offer him sweets. No, so, like, I told him basic French words... Spanish words. Yeah. So, hola. Adios. That's probably as far as I got with it. So, all of them is saying is hello to this kid and bye. Yeah. So, he's just ready up to kids going.

[00:09:54] Friendship done in two seconds. Hola, adios. Hola, adios. Hola, adios. Right. And, obviously, they're talking in Spanish back to him, and he just couldn't grasp it, could he? Well, let's be honest, you wouldn't have been able to either. I didn't have a clue what they were saying. If all you could teach him is hola, adios. I was just smiling at the parents, like, aw. Yeah. You set him up for failure there. Well, it weren't my fault. It weren't my fault everyone's Spanish in Spain. Yeah. So, which is weird.

[00:10:21] Like, there were Spanish people in the hotel in Spain. So, was... Do you know that, like, people from their own country go to their own hotels? Well, this is what I was trying to figure out. That's like us going down south to, like, Cornwall or something like that, and going in a hotel. Well, there were people from the area, so I was like, is this not like me just stopping in a Premier Inn in Mark Sheffield? It's a bit different than a Premier Inn, but it's kind of the same deal. Like, if you want to go down south, and you're going to go to Cornwall or somewhere, and you're going to stop in a hotel... Is it a holiday? That's the same. It's still a holiday. Yeah.

[00:10:51] That's what you're booking in as work as, right? So, do they? And I was trying to grasp this as well. We have accents. Yeah, yeah. Different countries have different accents from different regions. So, they speak Spanish in a different way? Yeah. In the different parts of Spain? Yeah, they will do, yeah. So, people from, I don't know, Barcelona, will go to people from Mallorca and go, you've got a Mallorcan accent? Yeah, they will do, definitely. Oh, right. Yeah, I mean... So, there'll be different... That'll be the same in every country. Every country will have different accents,

[00:11:20] depending on the location in the country. Even like China. Yeah. Absolutely. I want to hear it. Well, you'll have to just get a load of people in a room... I know America. ...to speak at once. Obviously. Well, there you go. There's a good example, but that's... But I only interpret that because they're English. Yeah, exactly, but that's because you can understand it. But that's the same in every different language. There'll be different accents from wherever you come from. It won't be like ours, though, will it? Like, you go down fucking ten minutes down the road and someone's speaking completely different. Well, yeah.

[00:11:50] Not be like that close. All right. So, the point that you referenced, America, that's the same as England, just spread out of much more miles. Right. Is it not? Yeah. Yeah. There you go. It's bigger, innit? Yeah. Yeah. It's just the same concept. Yeah. Anyway, I went to see some fish. Went snorkelling. Did you survive? Yeah. Right. I got scared, though. I got very scared. I only went, like, hip height and all that fucking shit. I'm petrified, mate. You know, if I go further out than hip height and I'm, like, swimming, I immediately think there's going to be, like, a 12-foot shark come out of nowhere. Yeah.

[00:12:20] When you swim... I was swimming back to shore. All I had that was that theme tune in my head. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. To keep fucking standing up. I saw some good fish, though. Did you? Yeah. Can you name a new one? It weren't nemo. Could you describe the fish? Yeah. So, one had... Were they a big one or were they a little ones? When I saw... They were both.

[00:12:48] So, when I saw it, it looked like it only had one eye. Right. Okay. Because I was seeing it side on. Well, that's obviously going to be the case, you would hear. Well, that's what I mean. So, it had a big eye. Oh, I don't know. I don't know. She's a fishy. Well, me all can fish. Right. Okay. But, do you know where also I was? Have you ever seen the film La Palma? Describe it to me. It's a world-ending film. Yes. I've seen it, but it's a Scandinavian film, innit? Because it's dubbed, innit? Yeah.

[00:13:19] It's Scandinavian, but yeah. It's Spanish, innit? It's in fucking Ireland of Palma. Why would it be Scandinavian? It's genuinely Scandinavian. What? It's not in Palma? No, it's in La Palma. When I say Scandinavian, it's a Scandinavian film company that have made it. Oh, right. All the actors are Scandinavian, because they've come from Scandinavia. Right. Well, anyway, I was on that island. Right, okay. So, I kept thinking that. And we had a storm and all. Oh, did you? So, I was having to make escape routes in my head.

[00:13:48] My daughter, in that film, deserved to die. I'm sorry. She deserved to die. You know, she did. She deserved to die. She was so annoying. She just completely just didn't listen to anything at all. Did what she wanted. She went in a plane that got rolled underwater, probably for about 10 minutes, and she managed to survive. Yeah. She should be dead. Yeah. I thought that were a quiet place. Have you seen that one? Yeah. Oh, I've just kicked my eye. Oops. All you've got to do is be fucking quiet. Right, okay. And you tell the kids, because you've seen that bit where the kid gets snatched. Yes.

[00:14:18] That was fucking sinister that. That's from the first section of film, isn't it? Yeah. So the kid gets snatched, because it's making a fucking noise. Well, it's not actually him. It's the fire engine that they forgot to take batteries out of. Well, it's stupid anyway. But anyway, throughout the film... I'm sorry to be that guy. The kid in 35 minutes and 27 seconds in, the fire engine actually makes noise. Well, it's actually the first five minutes, but yeah. All they've got to do is stay quiet. Yeah. Why can't they follow that simple rule?

[00:14:47] Yeah, but do you know how hard that is? For a kid. You can't sneeze, you can't cough, you can't cry. Do you know how hard that is for a kid? Right, okay. So I get that point anyway. Regardless of that, you'll be the first one to die in that kind of situation. I wouldn't be, I'd fight. You would. My ego is big enough to fucking take them off. Yeah, okay. Right, all right. I'd be going John Wick on their ass. Yeah, of course you would. Yeah, so I went on holiday. That's all I've done. Nice. Quick holiday though, wasn't it? You only went for three days.

[00:15:17] Three days, yeah. Why? Because that's not enough time for me. Because first day is ruined, because I've had to go through an airport. Yeah. I've got one day to acclimatise, and then I'm going home, and I'm going through an airport again. Yeah, I mean, we're only a two-hour flight, we weren't really much acclimatising to do. It's a two-hour flight, it's a two-hour flight, but it's like three hours each side, so that's six hours, seven, that's eight hours. In total, yeah. That's eight hours of both those two days. It was four days, technically. Three nights. Right, okay.

[00:15:46] It's still not enough. It needs to be a week minimum for me. Yeah, especially... Unless I'm doing a city break, where I'm planning on walking like 20 miles each day. Mate, and the pool were Baltic. Were it? It was like going in a fucking Icelandic bath. So that's good for you. It weren't. You didn't spend long in there then? No. Well, I had to, yeah. But it was that cold, but it was like, you know, when you move, it hurt. So you made like a thermal barrier by not moving, and then you just... But the kid didn't feel it, did he? Yeah. I was like fucking reborn as a Viking or something.

[00:16:16] It's like little crackheads, aren't they? They just don't feel it. They just didn't feel it. Straight in it. He's Tom Daly-ing, straight in, fucking ice baths. Nice. So yeah, that's pretty much it. Nice. Sounds like you had a good week. What about you, Chief? I've been doing, what I've been doing, I've remembered and I've forgotten that. I've been doing stuff for my dissertation proposal at university. So I'm aiming to look at how microplastics... Right, okay. No, I'm listening.

[00:16:46] I'm genuinely listening. I love it when you talk about microplastics. It gets me going. So I'm aiming to look at how wastewater treatment works, managed to filter out microplastics. Because the main focus is on all the chemical side of it. But the microplastics are still getting through sometimes at wastewater treatment works. And they're being flushed in the effluent, which means just the treated water, back into rivers. I think it was last year or the year before where everybody were up in arms of a lot of companies

[00:17:16] because they were just throwing sewerage straight out at things straight into rivers. And it was just awful. Because I think there were a lot of rain that year so they were allowed to... If there's so much rain, they're allowed to get rid of a load of effluent without treating it. Otherwise, it's going to overflow everywhere. So they've got permits from the government to just chuck it straight out. And everybody would just start up in arms about that. But anyway, so I didn't want to... I was fuming about it. Yeah, you sound it. Fucking devastated. I was out of here with pitchforks.

[00:17:45] You're a fucking dick. Anyway, I wanted to look at the microplastics side of it because there's now evidence that we're ingesting microplastics all the time. It's in a system. And if you get microplastics in your lungs and stuff like that and in your heart, you've fucked basically. So could I sue Buxton's water? Well, no. Because you can't... That's the thing. You can't ever directly link it to anything because there's so much plastic in environment, like in waterways and stuff like that.

[00:18:15] So you can have primary and secondary microplastics. So primary microplastics are created for the intention of being put into other products. So they're intentionally created equal to or less than 5mm. So that's like minute. It's really, really small. And they put stuff like that in toothpaste. So you've got toothpaste. So if you swallow your toothpaste, kids, you're ingesting microplastics. You're going to die, so don't brush your teeth. I've already said that's only in some certain toothpaste, not all of them. Only Colgate. Before we get a lawsuit.

[00:18:45] No! We're going to get a lawsuit if you say that. Don't say that. I could refresh. Just in some toothpaste. But secondary microplastics is like, you know when you see bottles on side like riverbanks and stuff like that. You know it's all plastic crap. So the same UV rays that take your skin off of your nose break down those plastics like slowly as well as like environmental erosion. So they're getting bashed apart and stuff like that all the time. They break down into smaller and smaller pieces. And because of plastics, they don't degrade.

[00:19:15] So they just get ever smaller and smaller and smaller. So then they go to like nanoplastics. It's just an issue that we're trying to sort out. It's really odd. So I'm aiming to look at... So the point was... Sorry. I went on a little bit around there. Talking about they love you with parties. The point was I spent a full day yesterday going and walking up and down this river looking for like an effluent point from this certain wastewater treatment works. And then I found it. Are you actually going to show it to me? What?

[00:19:43] This effluent point. No, somebody's ringing me. I'm trying to turn my phone off. Oh, right. I'm very professional. I thought you were going to fucking show me this. Oh, I have got a picture. I don't know what it is. No, I have got a picture. I didn't want to break it to you, but I have no idea what an effluent point is. No, so it's basically... Can't you just ask it out? No, no, no. So basically all the effluent point is is where the dish... So say they treat sewage, right? Yeah. The water after they've treated it, once they've cleaned that water, they put that back into the river. That's what an effluent point is.

[00:20:14] Right. So that's where they're putting all the treated water in. So I found it. Oh, right. That's where like where it... If anybody wants to see each other camera... If anybody wants to see it, it's where it would live. Yeah, so I found it. So I've got to... So I've got to take in samples upstream and then I'm taking near there. I don't know why I glitched then. It's because you're getting excited. Yeah. Why would I do that, Billy? I'm trying to teach you science here. Why would I take one upstream and one near it? Because of the microplastics. Yes. Really?

[00:20:44] Tell me. Because... I'm trying to teach you a little bit. The point, the M low point... Effluent. M fluent point. Yeah. It's not treating the sewage right. Okay, so we're trying to look at that. How is taking samples upstream and then taking the samples near the effluent point going to show that? What would be the difference between the two samples? The one should be higher than the other. Yes. Very good. Which one? The upstream. Downstream should be higher. Yes, there you go. Because in theory, if they...

[00:21:14] Because in theory, the hypothesis is that the wastewater treatment works aren't doing it properly. Yeah. So the upstream sample should have less microplastics in it than the downstream sample. Wow. So there you go, science. What were your original point? That's what I've been doing. Oh, right. Okay. Just a very long-winded way. Sorry, I got excited about it then, so I just went on a bit of a rant. Right. And have you figured it out? No, because I've not done it yet. All right. So do you need to break into Yorkshire water? No, none of that. It's all from public land. I'm not breaking any laws.

[00:21:43] And the walkways as well are public rights, so I'm not breaking any laws. There's no CIA job need to be done. No, nothing. To find out the truth. Nope. This could be a good TV series, this. Yeah, no, I don't need to break into anywhere. I'm not breaking any laws. It's just all... It's like, basically all it is, is just citizen science. So if you know about this microplastic business killing everybody, why do they still put it in plastic bottles? Because plastic is pretty much vital for modern society. But you're going to die. We'd be fucked without it.

[00:22:13] But you're going to die. Yeah, we need to stop microplastic specifically. Right. So we need to stop plastic. Is that what you're saying? So, well, there's already like plastic in oceans, like massive amounts. Yeah. You know about the great ocean-pacific garbage patch, don't you? Absolutely. Yeah. Well, there you go. Yeah, I know you're taking pace. I do. There's like just the dump side floating on water. Yes, there you go, yeah. So all that as well, that's all breaking down and going into smaller and smaller pieces. Yeah. And that also ends up in the food chain because when it gets small enough

[00:22:43] the fish are going to end up ingesting it accidentally and then another fish eats that fish. And they're going to mutate. And then they take all the things out of that fish when they eat it, when they vet it and then it's called bioaccumulation. Right. So then eventually when you're eating your cod. Fucking hell, set off again aren't you? Go on. Sorry. When you're eating your cod, you're getting that plastic from that little fish. Right. Okay. Are you alright now? It's a big issue. Get it. Right. Sorry. Maybe you need to start voicing it

[00:23:12] louder. Like in front of City Hall. I'm going to be Rotherham's Greta Thunberg. Is it Thunberg? Greta Thunberg. What's her name? They were all sat on boats. No, Greta Thunberg is the little Swedish kid. You know about the environmental stick a finger in the hole in the wall. What the fuck are you referencing? Like what are you on about? That way they stuck the finger in the dam and stopped the water coming out. Right. No, no, no. Right. We'll just move on. She's Swedish. He's Swedish. No, we'll just move on. Like you,

[00:23:42] I don't, okay. What else have I been doing? I went to my favourite bakery the other day. Oh my God. Right now. Spent 30 quid at the bakery. Fuck yeah. It's worth it. Crumb. Yeah. Yeah. Shout out to Crumb. Shout out to Crumb. Best bakery ever. Best crew. Yeah. Yeah. What did we get? We got a sourdough loaf. Oh my God. I've just remembered because I can taste it in my mouth now. I'm salivating. They do a cheese twist. Right. And I'm not kidding you. It's got to be the equivalent of like shooting heroin straight

[00:24:11] in your arms. It's the best tasting thing ever because they do a cheese twist and a cheese and Marmite twist and they are fucking fantastic. We've got these other pastries as well. What did we get? We've got a pan suisse. Seuss. Seuss. I don't know how to say any of these names. They were a carmid or not. I don't even know what carmid is. It was nice. And then what else did we get? Anyway, whenever we go we end up spending like 30 quid and it's a good job we don't live near there because we'd be broke and fat with the folks. But yeah, it was really nice.

[00:24:41] Cool. That's it. That's my week done I think. That's amazing. I've got a question for you. Before we get to the question though, we're just going to break for the ads. Enjoy the ads guys.

[00:25:13] Did you hope you enjoyed the ads? The question is we've got the awards night soon. We have. Two weeks. We still need to book we need to book somewhere to stop. We will. But more to the point what you're wearing. Clothes. Like what type though? I don't know. We need to do double acts kind of shit. What? Are you wanting to wear the same clothes? A fancy dress I'm feeling. No, we can't do that.

[00:25:43] If it's standard they'll have to make us win. No, right. So the reason that I'm saying that we can't do that is because there's misses as levers. Because it was your idea to take us with them. Yeah, well it's like what you're doing it. Well yeah it is but if you wanted to do a fancy dress we ain't doing that because they won't go. They'll be driving to London for no reason. They're not going to go here. We need to think of something cool. 118. No. Men in black. Well we can do that. That's cool. All we've got to do is put sunglasses on. Yeah, well you need to have

[00:26:12] like a black suit as well. Yeah, it's a black suit. I don't think I've got a black suit but I'll sort that out. I can do men in black. I'll get mine from Prime Arnie. I'll get mine from Armani. Oh shit. There's a difference in finances there. It's just coming straight through. But have you thought about if we do lose? If we do. Like obviously the camera's going to come to us and we've got to show his loser's face. Right. Are you any good at that? Because that's shit it. I know you are. I know you are. I will be like flipping table at that.

[00:26:42] You're the worst. What do you mean a sloughed woman after that? You're the worst loser I've ever seen. I know. You are not gracious in defeat. To be fair I do wish that we weren't even nominated at this point. Do you know what's going to happen? What? I'm going to get like a little you know them little what do you call things that you wipe your face off napkins? Yeah. I'm going to open mine up ready before we're winning I'm just going to put it over your face it camera pans to us just blank you straight out. What are you all going to do for your loser's face? I don't know I'll just smile. I'm going to do a skank face.

[00:27:11] You're going to do a skank face right okay. I'll just flag them off. Yeah. I'm looking. To stop. What about his winner's face? I'll do the same thing and all I'll be like fucking yeah! I'll cut off of one of me you're all shit you're shit you're shit no but well done everybody well done. I wonder if we'll have to do a speech. We're not going to win. Stop saying that. I know but I don't want you to spend

[00:27:40] three hours making a speech when we're not going to win. I just want to thank my mum. I just want to thank you. You don't need to spend three hours making a speech and we're not going to win. I'll be impressed if we do. I'll be genuinely shocked but with the other people that have been nominated I'll be extremely surprised. And we're going to speak to them. Oh? The other guys people. If you want to. Yeah. I thought we'd go out mingling. Is it free booze? All night. I don't think so. It's not free booze. It's not fucking Oscars mate. What kind of I don't think it's free booze.

[00:28:10] There might be a bucket on table with some drinks in it. What? One each? Yeah. I thought that one fucking Peroni. One Pepsi Max each. We're in London. Right. So it's going to be like 20 quid a pound. I forgot to ask. Is it the food? Are we getting fed? I don't think there's food. I think there's Go on. So you're making me drive down to London I'm driving. Pay for a Right. You're making me be in a car while you drive down to London stopping and stopping

[00:28:41] pay for somewhere to stop there. Yeah. Buy me own food buy me own drinks and we're not even going to win anything. But it's the experience. Is it? It's to experience this experience. Right. My bank balance don't want to be in this experience. You'll be fine. But what about if we do win? Well then it'll be alright. But that's if we win. You see it. Yeah but we will win. Right okay. It's like Tinkerbell. All you've got to do is believe. Right okay. And we'll win. Has that worked out for you for like most other things? Good. Has it? Yeah. Are you sure? Yeah.

[00:29:11] Okay. I don't know. Well I haven't won anything. I don't know. Last time you won something. Last time I won something Billy were it were a videotape from Cartoon Network. And that's saying how long last time I won something because it were a videotape. Yeah. Well we're going to win. Right. Okay. And stop stop being a fucking negative Nelly. Or I'll murder you. Okay. Anyway shall we do a segment?

[00:29:41] Yeah. Okay. You ready for it? Yeah. Segment time. Segment time. It is segment time. Yeah. Yeah. I love how we don't even have to pre-record that. Well we shouldn't really. It's like four words. It's not. It's impressive. It's four words Billy. It's still impressive. Right. Okay. Segment then. What we're doing? Shall I explain it? Well it's your segment. I know. Well very quickly. Four of. We're going to make a video game. Okay. So you need to do a video game idea. I'm going to do a video game idea.

[00:30:10] I've already thought of something. Have you? I've got one right now off at home. Wait. We need to drop it. Okay. Yeah. On four? No. On three. What? No it's actually. It's go. Three two one go. Three two one go. Three two one go. Finally beat me. Yeah. You can do first. My game idea. Yeah. Is just that Bethesda pulls the fucking finger. Bethesda pulls the fucking finger out the arse.

[00:30:38] And actually makes the new Elder Scrolls game. Instead of remastering every fucking game. That they've ever made. Put effort into it. Brand new. No Elder Scrolls. Nothing. It's you. It's Jack Company. It's Jack Video Game Association. And you're just releasing another game. What is it? I want. See the thing is with this though. Because of platforms like Steam. Pretty much every game idea has probably already been made. But anyway. Every idea has been made.

[00:31:04] And wouldn't it be cool if like you could be a modern soldier. But you could time travel and go through to different time periods. So you basically got like today's weaponry. Yeah. But you go and kill people with like swords and spears. So imagine going to like. Spears. So imagine going to like. I don't know. American Civil War. But you've got an LMG. And they've all got muskets and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to tear it up. Yeah.

[00:31:33] But then what happens in the future? Do you get to see the difference? Because obviously that's going to have a. Well yeah. It will do. That'd be interesting. That'd be a good point. And also imagine like going like grenades and rocket launchers. To like. I don't know. Like wars in Greece. When they were battling on ships and stuff like that. Like Romans. Like a rocket launcher and just. Well. Not really. But yeah. Oh right. Athens. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Is that it? Yeah. I think that'd be fun. They literally know more detail than that. Yeah. Well you're never going to die are you. Because just nobody's going to get near you.

[00:32:03] So I suppose that'd get boring really quick. Yeah. You've got to have some weakness. You're only allowed to take five magazines or ammo. Then after that you're screwed. And then you've got to run. But then. Oh you're not just going to port. Can you portal your way out? I mean yeah. Okay. There's some flaws in there. There's a lot of flaws in there. I've just made this up on the spot. Yeah. There's some flaws in this. If you've got a time portaler. Could you not just portal in a tank? Well. Imagine a tank. Yeah.

[00:32:33] That'd be so fun. But it's a bit of a. Like you're over. You're too overpowered in this. It's like Superman. Okay. You're overpowered. Yeah. Anyway. Your turn. Fucking hell out quick. Yeah. Well you just ripped my idea to shreds. So mine. Is similar. It's kind of fighting. In a way. Well no. It's a survival game. And it's probably going to be based off a bit of a movie. But you can. You can't tell. You can't reference the movie. Is the survival game set in your own house where you have to do chores and do washing and stuff? No. That's just general one.

[00:33:02] That's the daily challenges I face. So. You get shrunk down in your own house. This is honey I shrunk the kids. No it's not. Shut up. And you get shrunk down into like a microscopic universe. Yeah. Universe. Right. And so. Well this is now Ant-Man. No it's not. You shit on my idea. It's original. It's in your own house. And then you go down.

[00:33:32] And basically it's a survival game because of all the creatures that are obviously tiny. Ant-Man. So you want to make a video game of Ant-Man Quantum Mania. No. I don't. That's the exact thing that you're talking about. You haven't got any powers. You haven't got suit. You're just shrunk. That's it. Right. So your game is Ant-Man Quantum Mania. I'm shitting on my game. Without Ant-Man. Is there a game by that? No. See. But it would be interesting. Yeah. But that's all it is though.

[00:33:58] And then you have to basically go through the house fighting all these little like microscopic germs. But if you're in a microscopic universe it'd probably take you about four years to reach the other side of the house. Well yeah. It's a long game. It's a private game. Some hours need to be put into this. Okay. And then you come up with different things. So like the hoover starts going and it's like a fucking hurricane. Okay. And you're seeing it at a point of view. It's like so imagine what a, I was going to say a midget.

[00:34:27] But this bit, this bit that you reference. So your game is a merge of Ant-Man Quantum Mania and Honey I Shrunk the Kids. It's not. It's referencing the movies. It's those two films. It's an original. Merged together. It's not. It's an original. It's not is it? And eventually you reach the garden. Do you travel on an ant by any chance? No. Okay. It's a worm. Right. Okay. And the boss fight. Yeah. Is a cat. Right. At the end. So imagine the size of that cat compared to you. Imagine.

[00:34:57] And then the spider. Yeah. Like this big garden spider. Have you ever watched Tony I Shrunk the Kids? Shit. It's a fucking brilliant film. Okay. When did you watch it yesterday by any chance? No. Did you watch Ant-Man yesterday? No. Right. It's just something I thought. Did you watch it on plane? I'm like. It's just something I've been thinking. I'm like. How cool would that be? I mean I can't talk. I bet there's already a game that's got my idea. There won't be. I think there might be. And time travelling soldier. Yeah. That's cool. Mine's cool. No it's not. Mine's cool.

[00:35:27] Yours is a rip off of a dildo. Mine's hard. Yours isn't. Yours is easy. Mine's fun. Mine's 18 plus. What? There's a dildo somewhere in it. He has to get on top of the dildo and fight. You're wrong. You're just wrong. So mine's 18 plus. Yeah. Anyway. The reason this is also a good segment is because obviously the reason why I said the Elder Scrolls thing is I downloaded the remastered Oblivion last night because it's free on Games Pass. Yeah. Do you know what?

[00:35:57] It is good. It does set me back. It is good. But I wish they'd stop doing it. Do you know they're making another remastered version of Skyrim? Yeah. I think it's the remastered version of Remastered Skyrim. It is ridiculous. Stop making these remasters and just... I like them. They are good but it's the same game over and over again. Like, did you ever play Prince Persia? Yes. I did. Yeah. That was a bad game that. That was sick. Do you know what?

[00:36:24] I had like a just a weird mind fart last other week. Last other week? Over there? Yeah. Or a game I used to play when I was younger and it was called Ruse and it was a military strategic game. It was where like you could move all your pieces on a board and you could put it like live action so you could see them all moving and fighting each other and you could zoom in and out. It was fantastic. I tried to download it. You can't get it anymore. Why? They stopped making it.

[00:36:52] Like, because I think they had to apply for a military license in the small art. Oh, right. And it ran out in like 2017. Just to play FIFA? No. Why? Because I like my sanity. There's a new one coming out. Yeah, no, I'm not doing it. Guess what though? Big spoiler alert. It's the same thing as all other ones. No. It's coming out a month earlier than it used to. Honestly, it's a game changer. Is that a big thing? It's a game changer. Is that a big thing? Honestly, it's coming out in August. Normally it comes out in September. Right, okay. That's a big deal. It's a fucking big deal. Right, okay.

[00:37:22] Because you can't get hyped normally till August. Now I'm going to have to get hyped in like July. And, you know. Right. It's just going to throw me autism miles out. Yeah. It's not scheduled. It's not. And I have to book a week off work for it as well. You book a week off work? Absolutely. Absolutely, I do. That is absolutely ridiculous. Absolutely. It's a game.

[00:37:50] And I will be booking a few days off for GTA. Is it six? Yeah. Is that right? Okay. Yeah. That's fair. Yeah. It's on Game Pass, that, by the way. GTA 5. Yeah, I know that. Yeah. You mean, what? The new one's going to be on? No, no, no. Oh, right. The latest one. The latest one. What came out 10 years ago. Yeah, yeah. It's on Game Pass. Yeah, that's fine. We need to go on it. I've played it. Online? After you've shot like a group of people. No. No. Have you done it online? Yeah.

[00:38:20] Right, well, it's not just shooting people. Well, you have missions and that, but it's boring. Yeah, but we can do it together. Right, okay. And we can only... I've got a chuffing nightclub. I've got about five nightclubs. Yeah. I'd have to log into it, because I can't remember what I've got on mine. Well, it'll all have been stolen, mate. I had all sorts. If you don't keep on top of it, it's gone. See you later. What, all my buildings? It gets raided and that, yeah. Does it? Yeah, yeah. Honestly, this is how bad I am at finances. I can't keep up with my mortgage payments on my fucking nightclub because I kept spending.

[00:38:49] So a bank came and we possessed it out. What? Whoops. Yeah. So you're financially illiterate in real life and in the game. I've just realised I've got to spend in an addiction. Right, okay. Even in a game. It's that dopamine hit when you just get something. It's just a little treat. Yeah. Mine's usually edible. Like, I always thought I would not be able to spend a million quid. Yeah. And so I played GTA V. Yeah. I spent a million quid in ten seconds. Right, well, on that note.

[00:39:19] So what's that website called if you're in finance help? I don't know. Something like debt collectors.com, innit? Debt collectors. That's when you're too far. Right, and on that note, Billy's financially literate and he's lost his strip club. Yeah, and I'm now going to see my financial advisor. Yeah. Right. Cheers, guys. See you next week, guys. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

[00:39:49] This podcast is part of Podomity, the UK's podcast comedy network. Why not laugh at what else we've got? Visit Podomity.com.