Surviving A Zombie Apocalypse! (Old Episode)

[00:00:10] Right then guys, welcome back to Let's Talk About Yep, it's me and Liam are finally back Fucking finally, honestly man That's been the worst week of my life Yeah, it's been a story of chaos Yeah Liam's meltdowns have been few and in between Yeah, the last week autism, it's been autism one, Liam nil And I've seen the amount of meltdowns I've had, like they say Obviously anyone who follows the socials will know

[00:00:38] Obviously the chill head sorting the microphones out And I was literally sat in this room for four hours trying to sort it And literally ended up crying at one point But, we're opening the game We are, we are back, we are back Yep, so we are back, so, and we are, well it's take two really isn't it It is take two, yes Of how to survive a zombie apocalypse Yes So basically what we're doing Well, just said it really didn't I We're talking about how to survive a zombie apocalypse More importantly, how we would survive it Yes, yeah

[00:01:08] With lots of our little inputs in there Yeah, so basically we've come up with our own little stories And we've set ourselves rules So we have a starting point Which is where we are when all hell breaks loose We're allowed to pick three celebrity teammates They can be from a movie or a TV series A character from a video game Or just the celebrities themselves We're allowed to pick an animal sidekick slash mascot Can be any animal you want Can be an hard work

[00:01:38] Still had to get it in there I know, I know We can pick two weapons of our choosing With limited ammo Then we're going to have our conflicted choices Which we will get to in the story Yep Then we have our final base Where we have to, well that's our end goal Yep Then our end game Yep Which is basically how it ends And then we have one final choice Which is actually where it ends Weapons as well Yeah, I said the weapons Oh, my apologies Just to clarify on the people we choose as well Like we get three in total

[00:02:07] It has to be one video game character Yeah It has to be one movie character So it could be, you know It could be a superhero It could be just a comedian You know Right It could be anybody Yeah And then on the third choice Has to be someone who is Like as themselves Essentially Yeah Just an horrible person So in theory You could have like Whatever Will Smith's character's called In I Am Legend Yeah Or you could just have Will Smith on his own Yes Basically Yeah But you can't have both

[00:02:36] Yeah Right then So shall we get cracking Let's get cracking there Do you want me to start again We'll let you go So the way it's working Liam's is sort of I've wrote mine down basically Yeah, yeah He already knows his story Mine's going to be Just to switch it up a little bit Mine's going to be improvised So we're going to see how it goes Because we think it'll add some Some more humour to it Yeah I mean I'll admit Mine's pretty funny I think Yeah I can imagine

[00:03:06] Right then So we'll get cracking So we start in Times Square New York City It's the day that the New York Knicks Are due to play the Boston Celtics At Madison Square Garden Pandemonium ensues As literally thousands of people Start running through the streets Me and Kerr Maffi on today Run for cover inside the McDonald's We gather ourselves And notice that people appear To be running from an army Of the undead We also notice that the zombies Seem to be a mix between Slow moving and fast paced zombies We see news reports appear On all the billboards in Times Square Saying that

[00:03:35] The whole of Manhattan Has been overrun with the undead And people are told to arm themselves With whatever they can And the only way to kill the zombies Is by removing the head Or destroying the brain We are the only two people Left in the McDonald's And notice that they are doing A new McFlurry Cornetto flavour Yes there it is We help ourselves And try to come up with a plan As we are hiding in the kitchen area It's then that the back door Of the shop Flies open An absolute giant Who we both immediately assume Is a zombie Comes racing through the shop I am myself

[00:04:05] With a bag of frozen chicken nuggets With Donald Dawn Exactly And as I go to swing for the giant I notice that it's not a zombie It's only seven foot tall New York Nick's centre Mitchell Robinson We introduce ourselves And offer Mitchell and McFlurry He accepts Cornetto Yeah Obviously Like I say We're having one of each flavour Alright So the three of us Decide that we have to move Times Square is empty Not a single person in sight Mitchell tells us That conveniently A hundred yards down the road

[00:04:35] There's a weapons store We make our way there And as we arrive We notice that all the windows Are smashed And mostly all of the weapons And ammo are gone The three of us search What remains And meet back at the front of the shop I've chosen a Black Widow slingshot Something I always wanted When I was a kid And a spud gun That fires full sized potatoes Yeah Great He works in a kitchen What do you expect? Well That spud gun's a mint Yeah Yeah And imagine a spud gun That fires full sized spuds

[00:05:05] Zombies Yeah Well they need bloody body Right We hear a crashing From the back of the store We prepare to investigate Me still at this point Trying to impress Kay Say I'll go first But thank the lord Our six foot tall friend Says no I'll go first I tell Kay It would be rude not to let him VIP treatment Exactly As we enter the back room Of the store We notice a bearded man With a backpack Making a silencer Out of a glass bottle It couldn't be It is It's Joel Miller From The Last of Us Now I have to tell Kay

[00:05:35] Who he is Because she's never Played the game Or watched the series Because for some reason She'd rather watch Vampire Diaries Joel agrees reluctantly That he will help us As we leave the store We hear tyres screeching As an SVU stops Right in front of us It has a number 3 Painted on the side Me unable to Contrain my Excitement Yeah Me unable to Contain my excitement Start shouting Yes get in there The window rolls down And of course It's Tallahassee From Zombieland

[00:06:05] He tells us to jump in As my shouting Has brought the attention Of a couple of Fast moving zombies Oh dear Right then mate Over to you That's the first part Of mine So yeah We're going to do it In parts guys Just so that we don't Sort of get lost Especially with me Improvising It's going to help me Listen to where Liam's Got two in his story Compared to me So just clarify Who have you got With your Liam I've got Mitchell Robinson From the New York Knicks Yeah Joel from The Last of Us And Tallahassee From Zombieland Fantastic And obviously we're In New York

[00:06:34] And your weapons of choice I have a giant Spud gun that fires Full sized potatoes And a Black Widow Slingshot I love it every single time You say about the Spud gun Full sized potatoes Well it has to be Doesn't it Normally you're just Them shitty ones Not new potatoes No that'd be useless They might come And I do a slingshot No potatoes Yeah Well I suppose Bag full of tatees Exactly Right mate Over to you Right so Going to start off My partner is called Dala And I have a little One called Jaden as well Right

[00:07:04] Me Dala And Jaden We're having a lovely meal At the top of the Shard In central London You were having a meal At the top of the Shard Yes Where have you got the money For that or did you win A competition Er I sold my house Oh Sam So we're at the top of the Shard We're enjoying a lovely meal When all of a sudden There's choppers At you know Eye height at the Shard Flying all over the place We see jets You know Give me a Eurofighter

[00:07:34] There we go That'll do I was going to say Easy jet I think we should say as well Because obviously We have a couple of Listeners in America And Canada And the Shard Is the tallest building In London basically Yes It's a great big glass top Just to clarify It looks like a Cucumber Ah Okay Well anyway There's jets and everything Going off Pandemonium's Everything's going crazy So I run straight to the window And I'm looking outside And I look below

[00:08:03] And there's just chaos People running Left, right and centre And All of a sudden The air raid sirens Start going off I look at the missus And we start to panic We think there's been Some sort of Attack or something On London We don't know What's going on So we get in the lift Straight down to the shard Bottom of the shard Sorry Where the lobby Yeah Lobby will do Yeah Reception Yes Yeah Soon as the doors open Craziness Absolute manic

[00:08:32] The zombies Left Well What can only be Described as zombies Left, right and centre Biting people Inside of the shard I'm panicking When all of a sudden There's a tap on my shoulder I look behind me If you want to survive You've got to come with me Who are you? My name's Bear Grylls And guys If you don't know Who Bear Grylls is Just search him He's a bloke Who drinks his own piss Basically He's a survivalist Start with that one Please Liam

[00:09:01] He reckons he is Yeah Yeah He's meant to He has been called out A bit though I think he's Yes he has Yes he has I like the stuff He does his bollocks But he's a big fan Of drinking his own piss So that is a fact Apparently so Yeah If I'm in the middle Of nowhere And I see him Do it first Then it's their If it gets to that point Right Carry on So Bear Grylls Launches himself Towards the zombies And he's actually Ex-military as well So he's well trained Very strong man Apparently he can kill you

[00:09:30] By a pressure point Or something So But it's useless Against zombies He's doing this Kung fu shake Against the zombies He's doing nothing And all of a sudden Fucking kung fu Kung fu mate Yeah Fair enough It's improvised I forgot that was Military spurning And then he pulls out A katana There you go Have you got Bruce Lee And Bear Grylls Mixed up here Just Oh I should have Come Bruce Lee That's a fucking Great shout out

[00:10:00] I'm so annoyed Right come on Anyway He's pulled out His katana He's beheading zombies And what have you Nice He throws the katana And he says You take it You need it And he carries on Doing his kung fu And all of a sudden 20 30 zombies Rise up from the ground Holding their necks Look outside And all you hear is

[00:10:29] Look outside And there's just A black silhouette And then all of a sudden Everything lights up red With a sudden noise It cannot be Can it It's Darth Fucking Vader We got halfway through Doing this the first time round And Billy said Because he's improvising He's going to change some things And the first time around You started with Darth Vader And I was hoping That's what you changed No I'm obsessed with Star Wars man I love Darth Vader Go on

[00:10:59] What's he doing He's holding the zombies With his chokehold Right I'm doing the actions In person here as well guys He's got his lightsaber In his upper hand As he's choking him He's just beheading them Whilst they're in the air He's like Come with me if you want to live And all of a sudden The scene What was that? It's Darth Vader I think you're getting Your films mixed up there What do you want me to say? I am your father I'm saying No

[00:11:29] All of a sudden We hear a loud screech noise And a van out of nowhere Comes in Sends Darth Vader Flying On the side of the umbrella On the side of the umbrella On the side of the van Oh right There's an umbrella Right The umbrella Is It's a It's a vinyl work It's not an actual umbrella Right Just to clarify And the colour regime In it is White and red

[00:11:59] Right It's the umbrella corporation Aye Out steps None other Than Alice Alice? Who the fuck is Alice? Sorry I had to get that in there Obviously I know Yes It's Alice from Resident Evil She doesn't have a second name I tried researching it It didn't come up with nothing I don't think If anyone knows You can let me know But anyway She steps out the van And she says Get in the van with me If you want to live So we all jump in the van Darth Vader's disappeared

[00:12:29] We don't know where he's gone He's been sent flying Then she's in the front of the van She's about to set off When Slaboom She's cannoned into the back of the van And Alvedi pops Jumps in the front Without controlling the wheel Without You know Steering Sorry should I say Or using the accelerator He just uses the force And we take off My other weapon Is also a grenade launcher I forgot to put that in there For fuck's sake This is improvisation for you mate

[00:13:00] Right Give us a recap Right So The recap is You're in London I'm in London Yep I've got Darth Vader Bear Grylls And Alice Alongside me I have a katana as a weapon And a grenade launcher I found that on the floor Fair enough Yeah And Then that's it That's it Yeah And all three of your teammates All did a Different rendition of Handel Swartz Nigger saying Come with me if you want to live

[00:13:30] Terminator 2A Get to the job That's fucking Predator Yeah I know I wouldn't kill him Right Back to me It is that You're in Come with me if you want to live For fuck's sake Right On to you So After escaping from the zombies We find ourselves in Central Park The Central Park Zoo Specifically The majority of the animal enclosures Have there Been broken And the animals have escaped We are roaming the zoo Looking for a

[00:13:59] We are roaming the zoo Looking for a food stand As like in Zombieland All Taylor Hasse wants is Some fucking Twinkies When we hear a strange noise From a nearby bush Out comes a penguin And an advark Fucking hell I lose my absolute shit I've always wanted me on penguin Still don't understand this I like penguins So I'll tell Kate And the rest of the team That were taking them with us I know him Paul Paul the penguin Paul the penguin Yeah

[00:14:29] We hear a group For fuck's sake We hear a group of zombies Making their way through the zoo Taylor Hasse and Joel Do their thing They don't need me To tell them how to fight zombies I get our giant Mitchell To lift me up On top of a food stand Sadly there was no Twinkies And I prepare myself I instruct Mitchell To take Paul and Kay And get them to a safe place Me, Joel and Taylor Hasse Await A swarm of the undead And I hear It's time to nut up or shut up As no less than 257 zombies Come charging through the bushes

[00:14:58] I start firing potatoes Knocking heads off Left, right and centre I'm in my absolute element here Where's Penguin? I told you Mitchell's stuck in with Kay He's keeping them safe A second wave of zombies appear And I am surrounded Luckily my two new best friends Come and rescue me We admire our undead killing spree I hear Kate and Paul Both scream I don't know what Penguin screams By the way No, you've got to get on in there You're going On a set, Penguin

[00:15:27] Something like that We'll have you be Dickhead We go running towards the screams Kate and Paul are cornered By a zombie Jason Tatum Six foot eight forward For the Boston Celtics Sadly because Mitchell Is just slightly taller Than Jason Tatum He knocked himself out On a tree branch As they were trying to escape Joel has a flashback And is reminded of Ellie He's about to attack And save Kay And Paul But I say no It has to be me I take out my slingshot

[00:15:56] And find a perfect stone On the ground Luckily Jason Luckily Jason Is a slow moving zombie I aim and fire And it's a direct hit At the back of the head He hits the floor I run over And give Paul The biggest hug ever And make sure Kay is okay Great Joel and Tallahassee Have managed to get Mitchell Back to his feet We are stood in a circle Deciding on where We need to go next When all of a sudden I feel a pair of teeth Sink into my leg I forgot the second rule Of Zombieland The double tap

[00:16:27] Mitchell redeems himself By ripping off Jason Tatum's head And shoots it Into a nearby bin From so far away It could have easily Been a four pointer Never mind a three pointer Me screaming in agony I know I have two choices Turn into a zombie And somehow become Even slower than I already am Or I lose a leg I tell Joel to get some Roar from his bag To use as a tourniquet I tell Tallahassee As he has to be in To take my leg Mainly because I know There'll be a small part Of him that enjoys it He swings a machete

[00:16:57] And my leg is gone From the knee down Paul being a good Little penguin he is Has somehow found me A piece of wood How was he carrying it? His mouth It's under his flippers So Joel Joel and his magical Backpack Manufacture me a full Pirate leg We gather ourselves Once again And decide we need To get underground At a subway As we're about to leave A fast moving zombie That looks very much Like Jalen Brown Shooting guard For the Boston Celtics Comes flying through The trees

[00:17:26] And bites Kay on the neck If I'd just accepted That it was my destiny To become a zombie Kay would have lived Mitchell carries me Away screaming Oh god So you're missing a leg Are we? Yeah I've got A pirate leg now Kay's dead Yeah Peg leg Kay's dead I've got a pet penguin And a pirate leg And a pirate leg Yeah Right And we kill Like shitload of zombies With potatoes 257 exactly Yeah

[00:17:56] Remember the number Mate I love that Right then So On to me This is going to be a mess Right So Lord Vader Is driving us To King's Cross That's where we're headed We've got Alice in the back Who's a little bit pissed off Because Vader I'll just manhandle her Manhandled her There's me Dala and Jaden And then of course Bear Grylls Who's pissing in a bottle At the corner of the van

[00:18:26] I ask him what he's doing He says Just preparing for the worst Mason He's making a cocktail When all of a sudden The van stops And all you hear Is I sense a presence I haven't felt For a long time Then after The back of the van opens Doors fly open There's nothing in sight I don't see any Zombies or anything All you hear

[00:18:55] Out the van You must come I'd forgot about this Basically And then a slightly faint All of a sudden Back flipping off the top Of the van Right in front of us It's Master Yoda But he's a little bit Zombified The force essence mate Has kept him being able To speak He still has all his Main abilities Vader gets out the band Band?

[00:19:25] Jesus Christ Where can we come band from? Vader gets out the van Sorry Ignites his lightsaber And him and Yoda Go at it When all of a sudden We hear What must be I don't know An army of 300 Zombies That's not very specific Oh Oh Oh The Spartan zombies Mate

[00:19:53] So I pull out my katana And my grenade launcher In my left hand Alice She has a sword And Bear Grylls Has his bottle of piss Aye So we're all fighting These zombies Beheading them Left right and centre Blinding them with piss That's it That's the one Vader's going at it With Yoda It's just all going A little bit crazy I'm in a moment Jaden And Dala

[00:20:22] Fighting the zombies Well Jaden isn't He's five years old But He's eating them in the legs Aye He's making them Put them in the shin Yeah that's it He's an ankle biter Mate Dala runs over To protect him And just as Before a zombie Goes to bite him You hear a squawk Knocks a zombie out With nothing but its claws It's a parrot How big's the fucking parrot It's a big parrot An African grey

[00:20:54] I'm not even the biggest one And this parrot All of a sudden I fall in love This parrot's just saved Who is the love of my life Protecting my son as well I shout to parrots You're not going to listen to this No Save the bitch Caused me more pain In over 11 years I'll still have to marry

[00:21:24] So straight away I fall in love with this parrot But I don't know how To get his attention So I yell None other than Probably want a cracker Jack Jack Jack We name the parrot Jack Remember Yeah There we go So Jack the parrot Responds It's amazing It's like nothing you've ever seen Comes and lands on my shoulder Carry on killing them zombies But it happens again

[00:21:54] All of a sudden There's this silver hilt Falls at my feet It's Vader's lightsaber I look around He's nowhere to be seen I pick the lightsaber up Put the grenade launcher away I haven't used that yet Because I've only got five grenades Right Start chopping away With a lightsaber And then all of a sudden After I'm chopping away The lightsaber gets force pulled out With my hand It's Vader But at that point My katana snaps Hang on Where did Vader go? I've got I don't know

[00:22:24] It's Vader He does what he wants Fair enough Fair enough Yoda's I don't know why Yoda is Even if someone happens Fair enough I've got practically a dagger Yeah Dakana Aye That'll do I've got a Dakana now Small sword Yeah Yeah Zombies are coming at me I have a choice to make I can't stop them all Not with a Dakana I either save Jaden or Darla I have to save my son

[00:22:54] Remember what I said Aye Fuck the bitch Anyway I pick up Jaden I run into the back of the van Alice is starting it up Bear Grylls is pissing in a bottle again And then All of a sudden Darth Vader ignites his lightsaber He's fighting the zombies off Allows me and Jaden time To get in the back of the van And he turns around He looks at me This is just for you Because of what you said And he goes I'll be back It's a Mate I'll tell you what

[00:23:24] This is some crossover this Arnold Schwarzenegger's in the Vader suit Alright fair enough That's what we'll say We'll stick with that Fair enough Anyway Alice starts the van Bear Grylls is pissing And we're in the back of the way We're off Right We're off to King's Cross Moral of the story I've got a parrot now Called Jack Right And we're I've lost Darla Yep Darla's She's dead Got long lost with a zombie crowd Aye Vader's there somewhere Doing his work And we just assume

[00:23:53] It'll appear again At some point Fair enough Which I can imagine he will You'd imagine so The saying I'll be back Never lets you down For fuck's sake Oh god Here we go Sorry if that was a little bit Chaos guys But again I'm improvising So Yeah Because mine's perfectly sane Right Back to my story Yes We make our way down Into the subway Me devastated about cable At least I still have Paul

[00:24:24] Yeah We make a formation Down the tracks Mitchell at the back Me and Paul Wandering along in the middle And Joel and Tallahassee At the front We fight We fight off Smaller groups of zombies As we make our way Through the subway stations Until we arrive at Penn Station I say we need to get We need to get out To the street I know what's opposite Penn Station Madison Square Garden No of course No of course Mitchell tells me That we can't go there He escaped And the whole place Is filled with zombies My response I came here To see the Knicks play And damn it That's what I'm going to get

[00:24:54] Dead or alive We make our way Across the street And enter the garden I get goosebumps Mitchell leads it away And takes us To the Knicks dressing room The door is barricaded shut Tallahassee kicks the door And there they are The New York Knicks Completely unscathed It's a miracle Are they having a game? Yeah Yes Because we find out The entire Boston Celtics team Is now the Undead Obviously they've lost The two best players Because one of them Ed K and the other Had his head ripped off But fair enough

[00:25:24] My eyes widen The Knicks versus the Undead Live at Madison Square Garden It's everything I hope It would be and more The Knicks win 113-23 The majority of the Celtics Are slow moving Oh here we go The lights go down As I am stood in the centre Of the court Tallahassee hands me A microphone I raise it to my mouth Start spreading the news

[00:25:54] Fuck say I am leaving today I want to be a part of it New York New York Stick to your day job Fuck off So I sing the full song Of Frank Sinatra Can we hear it? What? I want to hear it No I'm not doing the full song We're worth a go guys We're stood in the centre Of the court

[00:26:23] Arms round each other's shoulders Fucking giving it Da da da da da Then fucking As we're doing that It's like da da Booting zombies in the head That's flying off I like that I really like that But yeah That's it for my next bit That's where you're stopping there Yeah So there's the next bit of yours The finale Yeah So again just to summarise there We've made it to Madison Square Garden The Knicks are fine The Celtics are dead Yeah They batter them in a game Yeah

[00:26:51] I do a version of Frank Sinatra And kick off a couple of zombie heads Great To the song Yeah I love that I love that I really like that Right then Billy Back to you mate Right Off we go So Obviously I mentioned That we've made it To King's Cross Station We have boarded a train In the manic We've got through all the zombies Jack the parrot Still on my shoulder Quite comfortably I've got Jaden in my other arm Got me Takana

[00:27:21] In my pocket Along with my grenade launcher Aye And Alice and Bear Grylls Is also still at my side Vader Yet to be seen We're on board the train And we're En route Towards Buckingham Palace How far is King's Cross From Buckingham Palace? I don't know maybe But I don't think there's a Train there We're getting a train To the nearest Train station To Buckingham Palace Right Which may well be King's Cross But I'm not sure

[00:27:53] Improvisation guys So we get off At the train station And we can see Buckingham Palace In our sights But there is The biggest undead army You've ever seen In your life A thousand or so zombies Bear Grylls says The only way we get through this Is by pretending To be a zombie He's not American You know Why are you putting on An accent for Bear Grylls? Because he always talks like this And then down like that Suppose he does the bear

[00:28:22] He can just go up and down mate Bear Grylls in a nutshell So Alice says Don't do that Because we don't know If it's going to work Because some of them are runners And some of them are slow So you're thinking like Shaun of the Dead style I'm thinking Shaun of the Dead You'll see No I mean where they pretend To be zombies don't they? That's it So by this time It's getting nightfall It's pitch black The generators and everything Have gone out in London Can barely see anything

[00:28:52] Alice has an idea She wants to get the van To drive straight through Towards Buckingham Palace But we stand on top of the van Not inside it For what reason? I can't tell you That's the reason And all of a sudden I cross the way To where Buckingham Palace is This is in the pitch black A red lightsaber illuminates Vader uses the force

[00:29:21] And force pulls the van Straight through the zombies We're flying 100 mile an hour Straight through an army Of thousands of zombies Are you still on the roof here? I'm still on the roof Why have you not done A Teen Wolf here And done a musical number yourself? All of a sudden Jack On my shoulder The force theme song Starts playing As Vader's pulling us Through the crowd Of the army Of the undead

[00:29:52] I've got my grenade launcher Blasting it I've got five grenades I don't care I'm loving it I've got the theme song On my left I've got Vader force Pulling it Straight ahead Where's Jim at this point? He's on my other shoulder now Alice is on top of the van Holding on She's got one M16 rifle And a mini Uzi On the other end Going wild Bear Grylls is pissing off The back of the van Yeah I do question that

[00:30:21] I do turn around And say Hang on I ain't going to save that for later He's like Well I'm not going to make it For later am I It's the run He must drink I like that bloke He does Thirsty guy So anyway Vader's pulling us We get through the gates There's still thousands of zombies But Vader's just Pushing them all backwards Using all of his might We thought he might have been gone We didn't think he was coming back We get inside Buckingham Palace And that's where we're at At that very point We are now at

[00:30:51] Buckingham Palace? Fair enough Vader has returned And Yeah I had a little musical number myself Thank you for that I enjoyed that You didn't Your fucking parrot did My parrot did Yeah But he's a good representation Right To end mine off It's literally just It's literally just one paragraph Okay Right So everyone is hugging Everyone is smiling I just think to myself I wish Kay could have seen me Booting zombie heads Hmm

[00:31:20] It's then I hear her voice I think I'm losing it I turn around And Kay is running towards me My eyes light open my arms I open my arms to embrace her She stops dead in front of me Kicks me Kicks my pirate leg away And calls me a bastard for leaving her Turns out Jalen Brown Didn't have any tape So technically he didn't bite her But she did have one hell of a love bite though Oh hickey As the Americans call him Aye I apologise and she forgives me Obviously And to quote the end of Greece

[00:31:49] I say the gang's all back together Oh no I ask if I can have my leg back But then we hear a screeching leg voice It's Paul He can fly Paul was bitten Zombie penguin Not your penguin He flies directly at me He flies directly at me I hit the floor And he starts to peck me And devour my insides Oh Christ Oh poo Paul I mean poo you Sorry

[00:32:19] I scream run Save yourselves I lay there Having my insides Ripped out and eaten By the one pet I knew I could never have And I think to myself I know I should have Picked the fucking hard vacuum The end Oh great Leave the story I didn't get eaten By a penguin Basically yeah Out of all the things That you'd had That could have killed you Is your penguin I like that That was a twist I didn't see coming

[00:32:50] What a way to go The best part I've told you about My other story About penguins Haven't I When I was at school Maybe Did business studies class And we got told We had to write a story About business Alright So me being the Literate person I was like That's not business studies That's English So I took the piss And wrote a five page story About a penguin Who sold suitcases But was also a hitman On the side Bloody hell Yeah I used to tie people To train tracks Jesus And then I got I wasn't allowed In a lesson after that anymore I wasn't allowed

[00:33:20] To do my exam for it Because I didn't take it Seriously enough Apparently Oh Christ Right Right Billy We're in Buckingham Palace We're in Buckingham Palace Are you killing Charlie boy? I'll leave that to Vader That'll be more fun I'm not watching No it turns out That none of the royal family Have survived They're all dead Oh Christ You've tiptoed around this Haven't you? Mm-hmm But not quite dead

[00:33:50] Oh right Mmm Gotcha As they rise up We all scuddle Into a little group You've got You know You've got Harry You've got He has come back You know It's Listen It's the apocalypse They've allowed him Back in Considering what's going on Is Megan now as well Is she still not allowed to Megan's there Megan's there She's just locked away She's in cupboard

[00:34:20] She's in cupboard And we've got King Charles Hi Coming towards us And he obviously He's a zombie now He starts to squirm Did I squirm? I was going to say Jesus Christ Oh I'm surprised He didn't win Harry and What's his name? William stood together

[00:34:50] It's Vader Again doing his force He's got him by the throat Has he? He's got him by the throat And he just crushes him Until he explodes It's gone Dead All the undead are killed God knows where Kate is She's locked away In a cupboard somewhere You can hear her But nah It's alright Fair enough Then There's a moment I hear a voice And this time It isn't Kate in the cupboard I recognise his voice

[00:35:20] It's Darla Vader had saved her Before the zombies Had managed to Get a bite into her I couldn't believe What I was seeing The love of my life Bitch Has rose back up I'm only joking Has come back to me And I'm absolutely bewildered Jaden's happy to see his man It's a big cuddle Get together Bear Grylls is off Doing whatever he's doing Alice is just sat there Doing an Alice thing

[00:35:50] Just like her Really And Vader's just Sort of stood there Reminiscing about Padme At this point I don't know what that means I do Padme is the reason Darth Vader became Darth Vader More or less To an extent Carry on We hear Like a munch And I say What on earth Shit There's a zombie still alive We look

[00:36:20] Behind us Spare Grylls What are you doing He's eating the corpse Of a zombie And we think What are you doing You think you're going to turn Well I've got no food I need to survive somehow I didn't do the voice there for you He starts to turn He runs straight I've never seen anyone Run so fast When you You know Kung fu Military guy Got some quick feet He runs straight Towards me and Darla

[00:36:49] I have a choice I either let myself die Or I let Darla die Pretty much all over again At this point All that's crossing my head Is Who can protect Jaden Throughout this sort of a scenario And all of a sudden Bear Grylls is killed By a quick snap of the neck Dead Before he gets to us I'm like Oh Thank the lord Out of nowhere Literally

[00:37:19] Out of nowhere Darla's neck snaps I look at her I'm distraught I'm crying My eyes Why Why Why Look at Vader He said I read your mind He's got the force He knew I was going to choose myself over Darla So he killed her anyway Because he was reminiscing about Padme Why didn't he just kill Bear Grylls He did He killed both Why'd he kill them both then Darth Vader Well yeah He's a bit of a prickly For fuck's sake

[00:37:50] And after that Jack started playing The Titanic theme song Now you're talking That's all you're getting at You ain't getting no singing from me That wasn't even a freaking That wasn't it No You fucking annoyed me now Which one do you think That was going for You know that's my favourite film Oh piss off That is a lead Leon

[00:38:20] Oh that's shit that Every night in my dreams That's better That's all you get in your bathroom I see you Jesus And as it would have it The camera would pad up And just fade into the night sky As I cry my fucking eyes out Fair enough And I'll match you mate Vader can just snap all our necks at that point as well For fuck's sake Right then so

[00:38:50] The sum up my end there So we didn't So So we're all happy days Keir's not dead Jill and Brown had no teeth So she's not dead She calls me a bastard Boots me leg away Yeah I get attacked by I get attacked by My own pet penguin Which has turned into a zombie Yeah And eats my insides Paul was zombified penguin Yeah And I tell the rest of them to run Yeah Don't sacrifice yourself Zero again Yeah My thoughts Ruined my fucking future

[00:39:20] Basically yeah That's good improvisation That wasn't it Like I said I should have put the fucking advert Yeah So the sum up my ending You've got the royal family Kate survived by the way She's the only one who didn't get a snap neck Yeah you would when you had a snap neck cupboard We were in the royal family Bear Grylls decided it was a good idea to Eat the body of a zombie You know survival instincts kicking in there Right Turns into a zombie Starts charging at me and Darla After I realise she's still alive

[00:39:51] On his way towards us After trying to process Who's going to protect Jaden Better me or Darla Bear Grylls neck snaps It's made of using the force And then I turn around I'm up extra I'm so happy You know Everything I've ever wanted Is there in front of me Went It was just neck snaps Right in front of me And Isveda read my thoughts And then Old Jackie boy Playing the Titanic theme So Celine Dion As the camera pans out For the sake Into the starry night sky

[00:40:21] Jesus Right then So that's how Me and Billy would both Survive a zombie apocalypse Neither of us survive But you know Well yeah It's a point It's how we'd survive A certain amount of time It's how we'd help people Survive a zombie apocalypse Yeah You're going to need Darth Vader Yeah Actually no Don't choose Darth Vader A penguin No Moral Exactly Story Yeah Well after trial and trial Of error guys We've

[00:40:51] We've finally We've finally got this done We have We have And we both got about Maybe half way Just before half way Last time when the computer Cut out Yeah The end bit for both of that Was well Yours was a mystery to yourself As you were making it On the spot Yeah It was I'm quite happy About it turned out I'm actually quite happy That it ended when it did Though Yeah Because when we were doing it Originally Mine stopped just before And I started singing Didn't it Yes Yes it did Yeah Oh my god Yeah Just before

[00:41:21] Frank's in that I'm trying to tell you Something Yeah Give up Are we ready to leave it there Then I think so I think we're quite happy With that Yeah I just want to give a Shout out Obviously that we've just Hit over 500 followers On the Instagram page Yeah Absolutely extra Guys Honestly We'd set our own goal What's extra Me I don't know I mean That's the wrong term You've said that twice I don't know What's the word I'm looking for I don't know

[00:41:51] I'm Ecstatic That's the one You were thinking distraught My English isn't strong today I shouldn't have gone I know I shouldn't have I won't say that No don't Cut that out But no Yeah Ecstatic that we've hit 500 followers We actually set our own goal We didn't put it out obviously But we wanted to try and get 500 Before New Year's over with And we've done it In a good time Before Christmas Thank you again guys All the support means the world Keep the messages coming Comments

[00:42:19] Any suggestions as well With any future episodes Any ideas We're more than open to it Yeah Like I say Let us know what you want us to talk about Yeah exactly That's the whole point in the series Exactly I do just want to say as well I forgot to tell you this earlier So I'll tell you now I was going to say We have set up But obviously it's me Who set it up So we now have a Patreon page Alright yeah So obviously There's not going to be any extra content On there at the minute But eventually there will be Obviously at the minute The only thing on there Is pound a month

[00:42:49] If you want to Help us out a bit Yeah Mainly pay for this new laptop Yeah It goes a long way Yeah No but like I say I mean any money we can get from that Like I say We were talking earlier about You know Soundproofing stuff New equipment and that Anything that we can do To make the podcast better Like I say Any money that we get We'll go straight back into that Yeah We want to get some videos And stuff Like sorted But we just need The correct equipment I don't want to put out You know Shoddy looking Videos and stuff Because I like to Try and really

[00:43:18] Push the boundaries When it comes to editing Right And without the correct equipment It's not possible Yeah We'll get to it We will We will And obviously everything helps Yeah so if you do want to Obviously help us out Obviously go over there We have one of them Linktree things now You know that the OnlyFans last itself Yeah yeah Absolutely We have one of them LinkinBio jobs So we have one of them It's on there Obviously all our socials Are on there And everything So go and follow us And everything else And if you want to give us a quid Do it Yeah yeah yeah

[00:43:48] It would be very much appreciated Yeah absolutely But yeah I think we'll end it there then mate Yeah absolutely I enjoyed it mate Do you want to do a clue For the next episode I think so Favourite actor It's got to be Jeff Goldblum Favourite animal Mongo Sound Sound Fair enough Right then we'll leave it there And we shall Speak to you on Sunday Obviously this has come out On Wednesday Yeah So Just because we wanted to Get it out there And obviously took the piss Having two weeks off

[00:44:17] That's it So thank you for listening And we shall speak to you on Sunday Yeah yeah Take care guys

[00:45:18] This podcast is part of Podomity The UK's podcast comedy network Why not laugh at what else we've got Visit Podomity.com