The Shiny Show

[00:00:00] Hello, Thots TV here. We just wanted to let you know that we have a live show coming up at the Phoenix Arts Centre in Soho on the 20th of May. It's called Thots TV Aged Like Milk and we will be deciding which beloved shows from your childhood still hold up and which ones maybe don't. If you think woke culture has gone too far, you probably don't remember the 2000s well enough. If you've never seen us live before, it's always a super fun night. It's a little different to listening to the podcast on your headphones because we're all together in the same room. And our listeners are the best, so why wouldn't you want to meet more of them?

[00:00:30] You can get your tickets at AEG. The link is in our bio, on our social media and in our show notes. And we would love to see you there in May. Enjoy the episode. This content contains podcasts. This adult contains content. Adult content be advised. Enjoy the episode.

[00:00:56] Hopefully the rest of this episode will go some way to explaining why we spent 20 minutes at the top talking about property. Because there's just not too much to go on here. We're teeing up the extra Patreon special that's all about grand designs.

[00:01:38] Yes, warm. But it's cooler today, which is delightful. When we went to bed last night, our thermostat was saying the house was 29.5 degrees. Which is like six degrees hotter than it was outside. It's not sleeping temperature, is it? I couldn't sleep. I went out onto the balcony and stood there. I was like, okay, I've cooled down a bit. And then had to walk entirely through our house where it got progressively hotter each room I walked into.

[00:02:05] I was just like, this has to be fine. I can't sleep on the balcony. All right. I mean, why not? There was laundry out there. Okay, that's not insurmountable. Honestly, I didn't want to put in the physical effort of somehow setting it up for me to sleep outside. Also, could you imagine the reaction from one of the two of you if you came out in the morning and saw me on the balcony? Well, you wouldn't have made it out that long, Laura, because it would have gotten light at about four o'clock in the morning.

[00:02:34] And you would have come in and gone to bed somewhere else. Another reason not to do it. Yeah, but even if you wore an eye mask, it's going to get hot quite quickly. Oh my God, yeah. South face and I'd be baking alive. Yeah, it's not going to be cooler for long. No. So this is Thots TV. Yeah. You know because you clicked on it or you might have even subscribed. If so, thank you. And you know what you can also do? You can leave reviews and rate us if you like.

[00:03:04] Yeah. I'm Elsie. I'm Meg. I'm Laura. And we're going to do what we do best, reviewing TV shows for the under fives. Let's not get your hopes up for this one. It might be for under fives. It's barely for under fives. I don't know who this is for. I don't know who this is for. I wouldn't put much hope into it being rated amazingly. By us, you mean? Yeah. Yeah, no.

[00:03:33] Actually, the thing about this episode is, well, there's going to be tangents. It's going to be a tangent-heavy episode because there's just not a tremendous amount to say about the shiny show. Yeah. Spoons. Sorry. Spoons. Spoons. Spoons. Spoons. There's spoons. There's spoons. Oh, we could. Spoons. No, it's a bit late. And a bit warm. And a bit warm. Yeah. I want to go outside, please. I don't like how it's spoons either. No.

[00:04:03] It stresses me out. It's a bit of a stressful spoon. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not even one of the best carpets. No, it's not. Well, it's not a spoon that was, like, snatched out of the grip of the National Trust before they could buy it. It used to be a revolution. Yeah. It's got a horrific outdoor area. Yes, it really does. It doesn't have one, really. It's like a collection of tables next to a main road. Yeah. Yeah, it is bad. Not good in the rain. No. No. No.

[00:04:29] So, yeah, we are doing the shiny show because we said we would. So we are. We don't quit. We have quit. There are quite a few episodes we've said we were going to do and then changed our minds at the last minute. And you'll never know what they are unless you come to the live shows. Yes. We said we were going to do ka-ching. We never did ka-ching. And then we did ka-ching in the live show. Well, you just told them and now they don't need to come to a live show. It's over now. It's done. Yeah, but we could have said it in the next one.

[00:04:58] We're giving people nothing to look forward to. So once again, thank you so much to everyone that came to our live show. We really appreciate it. It's always so lovely to see you. Yes, mum and dad. Thanks for coming. Thanks, mums and dads. And thanks AGE for inviting us, actually. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And Phoenix Arts Club for hosting it. Yeah. It's A-E-G. Apologies. Thanks. A-E-G. What did I say? Did I say AGE? A-G-E. Yeah. AGE UK.

[00:05:29] I had nothing to do with it. No. Thank you so much to everyone who came. We hope that we provided you with some good evenings entertainment. And so did the mouse that ran under the stage. There was a little mouse. There was a little mouse running from out under the stage. You were a mum, Meg, I think told the bar about it as well. And I was just like, could have kept it to yourself? She said, no, she said she told the person behind the bar and the person behind the bar went, what, where?

[00:06:00] So thank you so much to everyone who came. It was a bigger audience than we were expecting. I mean, I'm not saying that we were expecting, you know, a poor turnout. Yeah. But it was bigger than we expected. Yeah. Yeah. I will say, couldn't see most of the people for a decent... Was trying not to see. Yeah. A decent chunk of it until we had like something bright on the massive fucking screen behind us. And I was like, oh, now I can see every single person's face. Yeah. And most of them are, you know, people we know.

[00:06:30] Yes. But that was fine. That was fine. It's nice even, you know. And we have like a little group of regulars that come to our show, have come to all of our shows. And it's so delightful to see you or know who you are. Always great to see you. Just at the top of this episode, I want to apologize for the sound quality. If there's any hissing, we'll fix that. If it's still there, else you might have magicked it away. We're going to... You flatter me, Laura.

[00:07:00] ...be replacing the cables. So... We will. Yeah. Everything that we use, apart from the mixer, is cheap. Yeah. Very cheap. I mean, kind of the cheapest you can get, actually. Yeah. Above like recording on a phone. Yeah, exactly. We could do that. Actually, these are... The phones are actually really expensive. Yeah. Scratch that. So why do they sound shitter? Because that's not what they're built for. True. Yeah, true. Fair enough. They're built for doom scrolling.

[00:07:28] And then after the show, do you want to tell them what we did? Alcohol? Well, yeah, we did alcohol, but we did also... Oh, yeah. Sorry. Like, genuinely, it feels like last week was several weeks ago in my head. I'm not sure why. It was just so busy. Yeah. Like a lifetime happened. We went to Ronnie Scott's, which apparently is famous. Yeah, apparently it is. I asked friend of the pod, Henry, who has like a little list of things he wants to do this year, and one of them was Ronnie Scott's. And I was like, oh, how do you know about Ronnie Scott's?

[00:07:58] And he just looked at me and went, because it's Ronnie Scott's. Laura, it's famous. And I was like, okay, well, I'd not heard of it. So we went to... It's a jazz club. It's a jazz club in London. It's the jazz club. And Meg, you said that it was... Meg said it was the coolest thing she's ever done. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I forgot that I did that. So that was awesome. It was just like a lovely, lovely night. Apologies for this episode being a week late. Sorry about that.

[00:08:27] We went on holiday. How dare we? That took a week out of our lives. So there you go. So we're excited because we are going on holiday with... Saturday. Three days. Yeah. I keep forgetting when we're flying. I've got it pretty solidly in my head now. But it is the 30th. That's what we're doing. We're going on a... Nice round number. Yes, exactly. A Jet 2 holiday. Insert. Nothing like a Jet 2 holiday.

[00:08:57] That's 50 pounds off for a family club. We are getting as a fall. We are. Did we get 50 pounds off? Don't remember. Probably. That's what all the adverts say. Is it at all protected? I have no idea what that means. It's insurance. Is it insurance? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, we're insured. Great, great, great, great. I don't think you can really get package holidays that aren't at all protected. I've never heard of it. Never heard of it. I hear it every single time I see a holiday advert. At all protected. At all protected. Do we? At all protected.

[00:09:27] I was just thinking the other day, I used to hear on adverts all the time when I was a kid, if you're a homeowner, and I never hear that anymore. And then I realized that the only time I was ever hearing that was daytime TV. And I don't watch that anymore. No one owns a home. Well, no one owns a home, but also everyone that owns a home are the only people watching daytime TV. So it all makes sense. It's probably, my guess would be it would be like the PPE advert, not PPE, PPI adverts. Yeah, yes.

[00:09:54] But it's like, whatever that was, the deadline for that is probably past, because I assume that's some kind of like rebate thing. Yeah, there was a lot of, what? I don't even know what that was. Something about pensions. Yeah. So a lot of people got missold PPI, apparently. Something. Payment protection insurance. Ah. And I imagine it would have been like lawsuits trying to recruit people to all be part of big lawsuits. Yeah, class actions. Yeah, because I'm part of one.

[00:10:22] I've been part of one for like five years that's suing EasyJet for the data breach. Oh, really? Okay. It was like, if you flew with us between these dates, and it was pretty much, I'd exclusively flown with EasyJet in those dates and never out of them. Yeah, when I was with my grandparents, I saw a lot of the daytime TV adverts. It's like insurance, funeral insurance, those... Parkinson pens?

[00:10:51] Those chairlift thingies, various like, they know exactly who's watching. Lawn mowers! They know exactly who is watching, which is fair. It's so bleak. Have you watched daytime TV recently? It's so miserable. Ah, I was at their house recently, and I don't know if you'd necessarily call like 5pm daytime TV, but it's like so many quiz shows is what... Oh yeah, 5 and 6 o'clock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Midsummer murders. A lot of murders.

[00:11:19] I'm thinking about like the really boring property shows you get. Oh! And 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Place in the sun. Location, location, location. Oh, gosh, yes. So like, I enjoy property. It's a weirdo phrasing, but I like property, so I find those fairly interesting. No, Grand Designs is interesting. What's not interesting is Homes Under the Hammer. I actually can't remember what I thought was. I don't think that a place in the sun is good either. No, it's boring.

[00:11:48] Here's the most boring couple you've ever met in your entire life. Yes. Here's their 50,000 euros. Here's three flats that look identical in Marbella. That's the show. Yeah. I've watched it with my dad, and that's like both of us will sit there just having just off the top of our head so much blah property nonsense. It's like, we have absolutely no credentials to have these opinions, but we're going to say them to each other while we watch it because my dad's like, yeah, we could buy a place in the south of France. I want to know about this.

[00:12:17] And Homes Under the Hammer, a boring singular person buys a terrace house and redoes it so all the rooms are white so they can resell it. It is the most boring show. I suppose that's better than Airbnb-ing it. It is. Like, okay, yes. Yeah, but if you were going to Airbnb it, I'd be more interested in what you were going to do to the inside.

[00:12:42] There was a terrible, terrible Netflix show which was all about like helping people have better Airbnbs. And it was like, they were doing exactly that, like helping them have better Airbnbs. And all of their advice was just horrendous. All of their, it was all like, make it as boring and unpersonal as possible. It took places that like had quite a bit of character. And it was like, make as many bedrooms as possible. Make it look as boring and shit as possible.

[00:13:11] Take anything out of it that is at all character building or like personal. And it was awful. It was quite interesting. I'm just going on like a study of where the property market is right now though. Like I wouldn't watch it for entertainment, but it's a great little artifact. Yeah. It's just not true though. Because I, I really want to go to Tbilisi and I was looking at Airbnbs. Georgia, if you didn't know. On Tbilisi, in Tbilisi the other day. And all of the Airbnbs in Tbilisi are sick as fuck. They're all so cool.

[00:13:41] And they're all so cheap as well. If you, if you wanted to stay in a place like that in like Spain even, like you'd be paying a hell of a lot more than the like white box Airbnbs that you could get in the same place. But the ones in, they didn't just, didn't have any of these boring Airbnbs in Tbilisi. They all look amazing. Yeah. They all look amazing. Because like the place you lived in Madrid, the second one, that was an Airbnb, right?

[00:14:05] And it was like really cool because it had loads of the person's stuff and the things they'd done on the walls and that. Yeah, we were there for six weeks and the... Fianosie is great. And this person was a film director. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah, it was really cool. Wow. Because it's like, if I wanted nothing, I would go to a hotel. I mean, obviously price stuff, blah, blah, blah. But like the thing that Airbnb used to pitch itself as was like, here are unique experiences. Here are things you won't get if you go the traditional route. And it's like...

[00:14:35] We stayed in one of those really boring white ones in Antwerp, like almost like... Service apartment. Service apartment type thing. And like it did the job because we all had a bed and, you know, there were three bedrooms and... Some of us spent more time in there than others. Me and Laura had an ensuite and you and friend of the pod Alicia had your own bathroom on the other side.

[00:15:01] I mean, Elsie and Alicia were so far away from mine and Laura's bedroom that we couldn't hear you. We had to step out into our room to shout to you. It was such a trek to find you. Yeah, it was massive. Like a U-shape kind of thing. A child would be lost in there. You'd just get lost. But it was... I spent the second day of that holiday... Worshipping the porcelain throat. Maybe the second most hungover I've ever been in my entire life. And doing that in that flat was the bleakest thing I've ever done in my life.

[00:15:29] It was so bleak. Like that place in summer might have been alright. Like if we'd been spending more time on the balcony or whatever, but we went in mid-March. And it was bleak. Well, no, it actually might have been April. But it was so... It was just so bleak. I spent... The ensuite bathroom that me and Laura had was one of those bathrooms that was too big for its components. It was really weird. Really weirdly laid out because it was just a toilet, a shower and a sink. There was room for about three baths in there.

[00:15:58] Like you just put a bath in. And I spent most of the time on the floor trying... And I was cold in our bedroom. I was like... I don't know if... I might not have been cold or might have just been hungover. But I was like shivering in this like white box room. And the... Did it feel like you were in purgatory? Yes. And the ventilation was so weird that I could smell either the downstairs... I assumed downstairs, but the downstairs or the upstairs flat.

[00:16:28] I could smell the shower gel through the ventilation. Stop it. Yeah. I could smell the smoke from downstairs as well. But I was like, that's to be expected. I could actually smell their shower gel or their soap or whatever. That's not great. Yeah. That is not a great sign, is it? My brother's place, like his third place in Pantor... I don't remember. They had a bathroom like that. It was... Clearly it had been a different room beforehand. And it...

[00:16:57] Because it had like two steps down into it that were carpeted. And then it was lino. But it was a huge bathroom. And the tiniest shower possible. It was like one square foot maybe shower. It was like a little, little box in the corner of the room. And I'm like, you have space in here for a freestanding bath. You have space in here for a shower that could fit six people. And yet you've got one where you have to sort of curl yourself in to actually properly fit in there. It's just so stupid.

[00:17:27] Some of the properties in Canterbury are absolutely mental. I viewed a place there. And the top floor you had to go around this like little bendy staircase that was... Looked like a cupboard. And it was almost like a kind of into an attic, converted attic mezzanine level. And you went through a doorway into like the main bedroom. And outside of that was a bathroom.

[00:17:55] A fully carpeted bathroom that had like a standalone bath, a sink and a toilet. That was at the edge of the mezzanine level next to the staircase. And there was no fence or anything next to box you in. So if you fell off the toilet for any reason, if you lost your balance... Never done it. Yeah, but if you were like drunk or tired, you would just fall down the stairs. You would just fall over the edge of the floor. Heaven forbid the floor because you're wet.

[00:18:25] And just fall straight down the stairs. And I remember the person showing me around was like, Oh, so would this be your main bedroom? And I was like, No. It's so difficult to get up. You were fine going up, but coming down there was no banister. And you had to bend down. And there was nothing to hold on to. And I was like, I'm not coming up here unless I have to. No. Because I have to come down.

[00:18:52] Before we move on, which we must, one last thing on property shows. I've got a dream and it's a modest dream. It's achievable, but I just need to carve out time to do it. I want to gather the most infamous or top rated episodes of Grand Designs. Because I find Grand Designs to be an utterly fascinating show. Well, I can tell you for one, IMDb has done this. Why?

[00:19:23] Why? Because there's a lot of it. And there are many episodes of it that deserve to be seen. But I just need to curate them for myself. Someone's definitely done this. You don't have to, you could just Google. No, sure, sure, sure, sure. But I just need to do it. And then are you going to go on a Grand Designs bitch? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds so bleak to me. It's like, here's David. David, his wife is pregnant. They live in a caravan and they run out of money. It's snowing.

[00:19:53] No, the reason for this is I wouldn't, it's not for pleasure. It's pure, like, suffering. So there are, there are, let me explain. I'm explaining. You just said that you want to embark on a suffering journey. Right. That's something people do. So, listen.

[00:20:19] Because there are so many aspects of that show that I find so interesting. Like, you know, people watch dramas because, you know, they make you tense or sad sometimes. And that is the appeal. Grand Designs makes me feel the same way. But it's real people. Like, there was an episode, like a famous episode. You could just watch 24 hours in A&E. No, it's not the same.

[00:20:43] What I want is very middle class couples going through the hardest time of their entire life. It's very boring, miserable couples having a really tough time and ending up with a weird house. And a baby, usually. And usually a baby. My parents told me about one that they watched.

[00:21:09] And they said it was actually one of the more famous, like, infamous episodes because it was just so sad. Like, they were watching this guy and they were like, I can tell that his father has given him a complex. And that is why he is making the house, which he admitted to. And then they did the whole returning thing. And it still wasn't finished. And I think his wife left him. And, like, there's so much Grand Designs like that. Is it still being broadcast? I believe so.

[00:21:38] And I also just love how dry Kevin MacLeod is. He clearly hates everyone he's working with. He doesn't hide it. I think it's just hilarious. The theme tune spikes my adrenaline. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I'm about to see something sad. No, I mean, it gives me PTSD from having to watch it as a kid. Ah, yes. I genuinely enjoy, like, property shows. Like, the fucking Is This My House show. I loved that.

[00:22:08] The, what was her name? What's her name? Stacey? Solomon. Stacey Solomon, right? She hosted it. Do you remember the show? I've no idea. Do you remember? Oh, yes! That was so good. It was, what, like, three or four contestants and they walk around a house trying to convince a small group of... That never got under the series, did it? I don't think it did. But it was so good. It was actually really fun and I really liked seeing these different houses. But I hope they do another one. I don't know when they would, but it was actually really fun. Remember?

[00:22:37] Because every so often I think about us doing it here. And because one of the things they did was like, oh, what are your neighbor's names? And it's like, I don't fucking know. Do you remember Through Keel with Keith Lemon? No. Through the Keel? Well, I've never, no. It's a person... A famous person's house, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So all I remember is that it was once John Prescott. Yeah, I remember it was Bruno Tognoli once. You get a tour of a famous person's house and you have to guess which celebrity it is. Okay.

[00:23:07] There was one Grand Designs I watched where I personally do not like the, like, full concrete aesthetic, but I could see what they were doing. I did think that the end... They finished it. They actually did a good job. The person was like... The guy planning it was hella meticulous. So they finished. But it was all bare-ass concrete. You know, that brutalist kind of style. I love that. They had young kids. And you'd see this house at the end and every single edge in that house was sharp and raw concrete.

[00:23:36] And I was like, interesting choice, my guy. You've gone with your aesthetic all the way through to the absolute logical extent. But you have a three-year-old. Sure. Sure. My parents quote a line from an episode of Grand Designs quite often. Kevin says, well, how's it going? And the guy building the house says, well, Kevin, it's a right royal fur-lined ocean going fuck up. You know we should really move on.

[00:24:03] I think the reason we've taken so long, I apologise. I know that you come here to listen to us talk about kids TV. We're doing The Shiny Show and there's just not a tremendous amount to say about The Shiny Show, but we decided we were doing it and we don't quit. So you say that. We have many times changed the episode at last minute because we've realised there's fuck all to say about it. And then they're never going to know what they didn't get.

[00:24:33] Unless they maybe come to a live show. I don't know. Yes, because we were going to do Ka-Ching, didn't do Ka-Ching and then did Ka-Ching at the live show. So that's what you missed. Yeah. The Shiny Show. Shiny Show. The Shiny Show. That's how it goes.

[00:25:03] I'll round up what the show is. It is another one of those shows for very young children that is teaching them basic ass shit about the world through a different gimmick. This one happens to be like a game show. Like loads and loads and loads of the shows we've covered. They just take a really everyday thing like swimming, airplanes, the circus, less everyday, but you know, and teach what it is to kids through the guise of a game show. Yeah.

[00:25:32] It's like a comprehension test. They watch a little video about the thing and then they get asked questions about it. Hello. Watch my video of the swimming pool and I'll ask you some questions later. Where are you paying attention? That's kind of it. Yeah. Or, you know, do you know what colours are? Yeah. That sort of thing. What is this letter? To add stakes, they have to get it wrong sometimes. Yeah. And they get rewarded.

[00:26:00] I think the bigger bucket is the yellow one. It's not. You fucking idiot. They get rewarded with shiny things, hence the namesake of the show. Yeah. Yeah. It's Tiger Tigs, the quiz show whiz. I'm going to ask questions. Oh, I'm glad it wasn't me. It's hard being the quizzer. We're doing a quiz. We're doing a quiz. All right, Mucker. Keep calm.

[00:26:23] The Alarm-O-Rama has chosen me to be a quizzer and I say keep calm. I'm a bit worried about this quiz. Oh, it'll be great, Dugsby. I'll ask the questions and you answer them. Oh, that's the bit that worries me. Oh, they won't be hard questions. Oh, they better not be if I've got to answer them. Are you ready? Yes. It started in 2002.

[00:26:50] There were 91 episodes, if you can believe that. Oh, my God. There's not 91 things. There is. There isn't. Not for kids, Doreen. There's not 91 things in the whole world for kids. Episode 90, taxes. How many things for kids are there, would you say? About 20? 25 for the older kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's about how many things there are for kids. Yeah. Your world is quite small at that point in time.

[00:27:20] I personally had never been to a circus, so wild that they got that one in there. That was new for you then. We didn't watch the circus episode because both me and Meg were like, it's hot and we're very overstimulated. Let's not go with the episode about one of the most stimulating things in the world. So it was Open Mind Productions who made this show. They are the same people that did Number Jacks. Unsurprising. Yeah, not surprising.

[00:27:47] Yeah, there's a bit of a vibe similarity there. So the characters are Tig the tiger. Round one, round one. If you're looking for a star, you've just found one. Oh, you'll get used to tigs after a bit. I don't think of her as a tiger. I think of her as just a cat, but sure. Pop it. Yeah, yeah. Mucka the monkey. Oh, yes! It's me! It's me! It's me!

[00:28:15] Oh, I think Muckus, please! Yeah, just a little bit. And Dogs Be the Dog. I wish those shiny bones were real bones. These are radically unoriginal names. Yeah. We'll just take what they are and just fuck with it a little bit. Yeah. Every episode, one of them is chosen to be the quiz master. It's the Alarm-a-rama that chooses them. The Alarm-a-rama is like some sort of contraption.

[00:28:42] So it's like a mixture between a cuckoo clock and a computer with arms. Yeah. It doesn't speak, doesn't really need to have a face, but it does, whatever. It has a cool stop-motion magical girl sequence. Yeah. And it's noisy as fuck those cooks. Yeah. It's a very loud show. So, yeah, each episode, one character is chosen to be the quiz master. They take you through the video. They ask the questions.

[00:29:11] They award the shinies. The other two are in competition with each other. They also very heavily encourage the viewer to join in. In fact, they say multiple times, this is a joining in show. You can join in with this show. It's a joining in show. Yeah. You can play the game just like we do. Give yourself a shiny. Did you get it right? Like that sort of thing. Give yourself a shiny.

[00:29:42] And if you haven't sorted one out, here's a special shiny show shiny. So the characters, how would we describe Tig? Laura. Well, yeah. So Meg said to me when we started watching it, she said that Elsie said that these three map very cleanly onto the three of us. And I will say that made it a little bit funnier for us specifically watching because it was like within the first two minutes, I went, yeah, I see it. Okay. Fair enough.

[00:30:12] Wait, what do you think it is? I agree with you entirely. I am Tig. No. Oh, did I get it wrong? I think Meg's Tig. No, I think I'm Mucka. I think Laura's Mucka. But we all agree that I'm Dogsby. No, no, no, no, no. Are you all right, Dogsby? Oh, yes. I was being an aeroplane, actually. Dogsby, if you want to be an aeroplane, they sound more like this.

[00:30:44] I'm so glad I started all this. Well, yeah, you're easy. You're Dogsby. Yeah. Because you walk around with your eyes half shut the whole time. What are you talking about? Is that what Dogsby does? Dog has, like, kind of looks dry. It's like the whole time the eyes are, like, half closed and kind of like, yeah, man, sort of thing. That's you to a T. How does the dirt feel? Oh, my word. Yeah.

[00:31:13] I mean, how would you like to be a lump of dirt and be washed away? Purple dirt. Look, I'm sure the dirt doesn't really mind. How do you know what it's like to be a piece of dirt? Unless you've tried it. Just for a bit, we'll play at being lumps of dirt. Oh, great. I've got costumes. So Tig is kind of, like, very confident, wants to be the quiz master.

[00:31:43] Okay, you think that's Laura? Laura wants to be the quiz master. I think that Laura is the very excited to be there one. How many times have we sat down to record and the first thing Laura has said is, I'm tired? Okay. Do you see my point? I just think that you are Tig more than Laura is Mucker. I think you're so strongly Tig. I think she's so clearly Mucker

[00:32:11] because she's literally just pissed about all the time. She's here for a good time, not a long time. Okay. Yeah, that monkey loves to fuck about. Yeah. Wait, is it Tig's or Tig? Tig, I think. Tig. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It does not matter. It's one letter difference, the letter S, by the way. I will say, Tig's is very sure of herself in a way that joke annoys the others.

[00:32:40] She's quite full of herself. And she's the only one where all the different websites I checked agrees that she's a girl. The others sort of went either way. People weren't sure. Laura, you're looking at me like that, but have you looked it up online? Am I a girl and does everyone agree? Am I a girl and does everyone agree? Or are you a girl and does everyone agree? Who is Tig? Which one of us is the girl?

[00:33:10] Who's the girl one here? Point I'm making. I do think we know which one of us. Me. Point I'm making is, am I reaching to say that this is a little sexist? That that's the characteristic they went for with tics? I genuinely didn't gender any of them. I think that... I saw them all as girls because they're all voiced by women. They're all voiced by women. No, same. I saw them all as girls. Yeah. If anything, I would say that.

[00:33:39] But it's like, in the same way that one time a friend asked me about whether my teddy bears are he's or she's. And I was like, genuinely never thought about it. Neither. They're just teddies. Well, that's it. Like, I never thought about it. I don't think of either of them as being girls or boys. But when any of them were called he, I thought, oh no, that's wrong. Whenever any of them were called she, I was like, okay, a bit weird, but fine. I don't know.

[00:34:08] I don't know. I see them all as she. So yeah, they are all... Oh, let's describe the others. So Mucker just kind of... Mucks about. Mucks about. A bit annoying. But in fact, there are moments where they're like, calm down. Chill the fuck out, Mucker. I actually do think that the first episode is really funny because there is a lot of like, Mucker should shut the fuck up. Like, they say... That's what made us think it was me. Because we were there. I'm not the... She's the one that pisses about.

[00:34:39] But we were watching the first episode and Tig, Tig and Mucker are like, not like fighting, but like being combative with each other. Just like bickering or whatever. Yeah, like we do. And then Dogsby was sat in the corner like, guys... Where's my lovely, shiny spoon? Mucker. What? Oh, yes. I did borrow it. Well, I must have put it back in the wrong place.

[00:35:08] Honest mistake. Guys, stop. Which is exactly what you do. I feel sorry for Dogsby. Yeah, I feel sorry for Dogsby. She's kind of like a hard done by character or like made out to be sort of weary. I also want to say... Village idiot. Well, I don't know if Dogsby is like an idiot, but like Dogsby certainly is like a very unconfident character.

[00:35:35] Like their characteristic is never wants to... Agreeing. Because she thinks it's too hard and she'll mess it up. I've got to say, I hate Dogsby. How do you know? Well, remember the little dog laughed to see such fun? Yes. That little dog... Yes. ...was me. Oh, you never told us. No. Did you really see that cow, Dogsby? Well, in fact, no.

[00:36:07] So why are you talking about it then? Well, it's kept you two quiet for a bit, hasn't it? I hate that character. I didn't find it within me to bring up strong enough emotions for any of them. I think they're all equally annoying in their own different ways. Well, I hate Dogsby because... That's nice. We're all uniquely annoying. Yeah. Accurate. No, I hate her because she reminds me too much of me.

[00:36:36] Like, you know when like... Therapy else would be a fantastic first step for you. Or dog training. But you know, like, have you ever... Have you ever like met someone that is so close to your own personality that it makes you cringe? No. Have you never... Don't have siblings, mate. Yep.

[00:37:05] I'm an only child. I've never... Maybe my mum. Yeah, there you go. Maybe my mum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So with Dogsby, I was just like... I don't know. It just made me angry because I was like, that is so me. It felt like I was being read. It felt like I was being read. And it also made me think, watching someone so much like me on screen, it made me think, what if they find out? Do you know what I mean?

[00:37:35] What if we find out what? If it helps, I don't think you're that like Dogsby. Yeah, to be clear. It's just these are the ones that we map the easiest onto. I don't think that you are that like Dogsby. I am. That's right. I am. We map onto them, but it's like, these are puppets in a kids show that are all like extraordinarily annoying and exaggerated. We're not them. But I think that's why I hate Dogsby so much, because Dogsby is so close to my personality that it scared me. And it made me want...

[00:38:05] From your perspective. Yeah, and it made me want her to go away. Because what if people find out? If it helps. I'm going to reiterate. Therapy. I find Dogsby so annoying that it would be hammers. I've never wanted to stove your head in, so... That's nice. That's really nice. Yes. I hated Dogsby. Hated that character. Stop doing that face! It's okay for me to hate a puppet. They won't be offended. No, no. Not for the reasons that you hate it. The reason you're saying is because you basically are saying, I saw myself reflected in a character and I hated it so much

[00:38:35] I wanted it to go away. And it made me anxious about the social situations in which people might perceive me like I'm perceiving Dogsby. Which is not... Yeah, God, you're clever. I'd like to tell everyone at home that they do interact like this. Off mic. Elsie says something vaguely self-deprecating and then... Self-recriminating. And then Laura whips out her degree. Am I not allowed? Okay, I hate Dogsby. You're allowed, but we are also allowed to be like,

[00:39:04] we don't want you to think about yourself that way. Free speech, dude. Because we love you. Again, this is about Dogsby. This is about Dogsby. But you have been speaking about yourself for the past few minutes in relation to Dogsby. Well, I still maintain that Tig is Meg and Laura is Mucker. Which is closer to my name, Tig or Mucker? You put them together. Tugber? Tucker.

[00:39:34] Mucker. Or Mucker. And that is quite close to Meg, so... Get ready to watch a video on aeroplanes and flying things. Now watch carefully so you can answer the questions. How does it go then? We watch a little video. I mean, that's what I hope you two have something to say. You switch it on and you go, oh God, when will this stop?

[00:40:03] Let me tell you now, this is not a show to be watching when it is 35 degrees outside and you're already bothered by everything. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely no way. Ready for the question? Ready! Ready for the question? Ready! Ready for the question? We had to turn it down. We were like, a bit more, a bit more, a bit more, I can't do it, I can't do it. I think we watched three episodes and we were like, I think that's all I can manage.

[00:40:33] Oh, that's fair. That's fair. Yeah. It's insanely overstimulating. It's not even got that many moving parts and it's not that elaborate of an idea, but there's just so much on screen and everything's shiny, everything's bright. All the characters have uniquely annoying voices. Very, very mimicable. I was having a lot of fun being the characters. I'm not going to do it now

[00:41:03] because I don't have them to listen to. It made me really, really miss, was it, what's his name? Roly Moe? Oh, yeah. A very gentle part. Oh, yes. Are we sitting comfortably? Yeah. I understand that kids love bright and loud, et cetera, but it's like every so often it's nice to just have a little bit of a drop and Roly Moe is a really good example of how you can incorporate bright and colourful but also gentle. Yeah. I think the fimbles in general

[00:41:33] I quite enjoyed for that reason. Yeah. It was very bright, very colourful, the fimbles, but in a kind of magical way. Yeah. It was a shame, really, because I can see how and where it's really funny and I, because it is, there are some bits that are absolutely hilarious. Are you all right, Dugsby? You look a bit sort of wobbly. Well, it's that Mucky. He's in a bit of a tricky mood today. He boinged me. You see, he had this box. Yes, well, thank you,

[00:42:03] Dugsby. And it's very clippable. Like, it would do very well on Instagram. It's just kind of... It never has, though. I've tried to make it do well. I mean, I've done a few, but the problem is that you have to actually watch it in order to clip it, and it's like, how much of this can I actually take? Yeah. Yeah, one bit I found really funny. In fact, there's an episode that I can't remember what the theme is. I can't remember what it's based around, but they have a jar of sweets, and

[00:42:33] Tigs and Mucka know that they're for everyone, but sort of conspire together to eat all the sweets before Dugsby can. Dugsby! Yes? Have a lot of money, No, no! Dugsby! Oh, that's funny one! Oh, it is! Oh! Oh, what a fizzy way to play! Right. All empty. And I didn't even have one tea. Weenie piece of fudge.

[00:43:01] We saved something for you. Yeah, it's only yours, Dugsby. No. Thank you. That's alright. Right, let's eat the rest of them now. Let's eat. And it makes me really sad, but what are you doing? Conspiring. We were fist bumping because we were conspiring to eat all the sweets before you can. And just the way that they are blatantly, shamelessly doing it and talking to each other about doing it

[00:43:31] is just so mean. It's so funny because it's such a mean-spirited episode. There is one thing that Elsie hates, not more than anything necessarily, but you hate it a lot. Okay. When people get left out. Oh, I hate it. I can't watch it happen. And that's just that boiled down to even worse because we're taking sweets away. Yeah, no sweets. Yeah, if I'm at work and I'm chatting to one of my colleagues

[00:44:01] and our third colleague is not talking to us, I will feel uncomfortable. Like, which is excessive really. But... Yeah, I suppose it depends on why they're not talking to you. If they're not talking to you because they fucking hate you. Oh, that's fine. Yeah. But if they're not talking because they feel like they can't, I want to be sick. You really just love justice for all. I love justice, yes. I can't stand people being left out. You've got FOMO but for other people. Yes, exactly.

[00:44:31] FOOPMO. I don't think that was going to take a while. Fear of other people missing out. FOOPMO. At the end of round one, what's the next bit of fun? I don't know. Oh, yes, you do. Count their shinies. Oh, yes. I see how many questions you've got right. Count your shinies or I'm... The songs they sing, so they kind of sing a song...

[00:45:01] Of sixpence? Of sixpence. Yeah. No, there's a song for everything. So when they're giving themselves a point, they sing a song for that. When they're like counting up their points, they sing a song for that. When they give themselves a shiny, they sing a song for that. And sometimes it's like repeated just for no reason. And there's just so much musical padding. Like there's so much repetition and we know that repetition is important for... For learning

[00:45:29] and for children of this age. Like we learned this from Andrew Davenport. We learned this in the Night Garden episode. It's very important. But it is quite grating to listen to. I mean, I didn't... I wasn't annoyed by this as a kid. I watched this as a very young child and I absolutely loved the shiny show. It's what I think because it's like in the Night Garden, everything... For the most part, everything in that is kind of just lovely

[00:45:58] so you don't really mind things repeating. But in this, you're like, oh, again? Oh, again? Okay. Yeah, I liked it but I don't remember anything about the learning. I just remember the characters. And I think the reason I liked it is because I liked the idea of getting shiny prizes. I remember that my favourite prize was the cube.

[00:46:28] Yes. Should we talk about the shinies? Because it fits nicely in the little... Yeah, they've got little holders for their shiny. It's like things you have on your desk to organise but they've decorated them and put their fucking tinfoil prizes in there. Magpie apologists. Yeah, it's very magpie coded. Yeah, it is. Magpies are cunts. Oh, yeah, for sure. I have a friend that lives in Melbourne and every time they cycle

[00:46:56] they have to like... Well, not just every time, they did it one time. On their helmet they have zip ties tied all the way tight with like pointing straight up because the magpies will just swoop and try and attack you as you're cycling. That's crazy. Why are they like that? They're such weird animals. And I know there's an app in Canada for where there's been like magpie attacks recently because of how vicious the fucking... Jesus, and they're very nasty to other birds. They kind of ruin the ecosystem. If you've got magpies in an area you don't get other birds there.

[00:47:25] I reckon I could fuck up a magpie. Oh, I'm sure you could. But not if you're also cycling. Fuck it off. Get off the bike and fight them. In this quiz every time you get a question right you get a shiny. Shiny, shiny. It could be shiny spoon. Or shiny blocks. Or shiny bones. Shiny anything. Anything. If you get some shiny spoons ready or anything shiny will do

[00:47:55] you can join in because this is a joining in show. So, when they get an answer right they give themselves a shiny which sounds rude. I don't know why. Give yourself a shiny. Because it's Shiner, isn't it? I don't know. It sounds shiny. It doesn't sound like that kind of rude though, does it? It sounds like dirty somehow. She was giving herself a shiny. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, because what have you been polishing? No, exactly. Oh, what?

[00:48:25] What have you been polishing? Nothing in this house you fucking work shy little. Sorry, what have you been polishing? I did all of your both of yours fucking washing up yesterday. Suck my fat one. To which I said thank you and you said, oh, you didn't really have much. You didn't but there was a bit. And I do it all the time for you both. I do it all the time for you both as well. I do it sometimes for you both. Elsie's just not as partial to having no dishes by the sink as we are. True.

[00:48:55] You know what? I'm partial to no dishes by the sink. Could eat that all day. Get in me. Get in me nothing. I love a dishless kitchen. I really do. Yeah. This is the benefit of a washing machine. Not a washing machine. A meg. I was going to say a dishwasher because out of sight, out of mind. I'm glad that I'm being respected like I

[00:49:24] want to be. I'm very appreciative. I was being genuine. Okay. So what are the shinies then? You've got cube, bone. All of these are wrapped in tinfoil by the way. Not all of them because one of them is a spoon. Oh sorry. Yeah. Okay. If they are not made of metal they are wrapped in tinfoil. And now it's time for the shinies. shiny. Oh shiny.

[00:49:54] Friend of the pod Emily messaged us today to say the shiny show made spoons cool. Did she say that or did she say made spoons cool again? They fell off for a while. I love a spoon. In medieval England they used to like there wouldn't be cutlery at the feast or whatever so you'd have your own spoon. people would have their own spoon on their belt and you'd get to the feast and wash it and then you'd use your own spoon. Wow. Okay. Which I feel like could be disgusting.

[00:50:23] It's no different to taking a spoon in your bag to work. Yeah. No that's true but if it's not been washed properly you know I don't know. So you've got the spoon, you've got a cube, you've got shiny balls. They were like kind of sparkly as well. I liked the balls. And a shiny bone because Dogsby liked the bones and that was just wrapped in tin foil and didn't look that cool. But it's the only prize that

[00:50:53] Dogsby ever picked up. Like she had her favourite and she stuck to it and that is another way in which I see myself in Dogsby. You like bones? I like you. We know you do else. Familiarity. Shut up. Shut your whole mouth. My whole mouth? No. Shut yours cells. You're peaking the sound level. I'm sorry. I'm actually struggling to speak. I know. Whoever won

[00:51:22] the quiz would get a super shiny. So Maka is the winner here and gets the super shiny. Oh. Super shiny. Thank you. Yeah, what was that? Remind me. It was like a little, not exactly a trophy, but it was like a star on a stick.

[00:51:52] Oh, I remember the gauntlet. Yeah, it was sparkly silver. Yeah. Yeah, I don't remember that from watching it in the last few days. I don't know if I finished an episode, but I remember it from my childhood. I only, I guess the only episode I was paying full attention to, maybe, I remember it in one episode and I was like, yeah, structure, gotta lock that in. I remember an episode from, you know, what,

[00:52:21] over 20 years ago now? How old am I? 27. Yeah, let's call it 23 years ago. And I don't remember the details, but I remember sitting there and thinking that was weird. I'm not sure why that was in there. Even as a child, I was like structurally that doesn't make sense to be in the episode, that could have been cuts. Already got that producer brain. I don't know, I don't know.

[00:52:50] Why did they leave that in? They took a break so Tig could go to the toilet and then Tig came back and said, sorry, I had to wash my paws. Got things to do. Oh yeah, me too. Where's everyone going? Oh, I don't know about everyone else, but I'm going to the low. Oh, I'm bursting. Come on, tigs. Oh, sorry, I was as quick as I could be. I had to wash my paws. Oh, that's very good, tigs. Yeah, I didn't have time to dry them though. You can't wipe them on the sofa. I didn't.

[00:53:20] That's it. And I remember thinking, what have we learned from that then? That she's clean. Yeah, no, just straight, like, they were like, oh, tigs, you took ages, I'm sorry, I had to wash my paws. Like, what's this for? To make them seem real. Why do we need that? Probably just for the shits and gigs of the producers. Or that, because this is for kids, making them seem like real people's fun, you know. I mean, oh, yeah, yeah, the tiger, the monkey, and the last dog.

[00:53:50] You know, the same size as the monkey and the tiger. You can hear them having a good time. There's a lot of, like, ad libbing and character stuff that comes from the performers. I do think that if it wasn't so difficult to watch, it would actually just be really funny. There are parts of it that are like, that is just three puppeteers having a lot of fun. It's kind of like trying to

[00:54:19] watch a comedy film where someone was banging a drum behind your head. It's like, yeah, this is objectively funny, but I just can't stand the noise. There's a mariachi band right behind me. I can't focus on the comedy. Oh, no, mariachi would be fine. Oh, mariachi. An off-key mariachi band. Croak, croak, stop it. What's a frog say if it isn't working properly? I don't know. Broke, broke, broke. Yeah, I'm going to be something much better you get in ponds. A huge,

[00:54:49] roaring monster with great flappy wings. Ra! Get a lot of those in ponds, do you? Yeah, dragonflies. Ra! Ra! Smoky, smoky, ra! Tig, you're being a dragon. You're a lovely, gentle insect with five legs. Six. Six legs. Not this dragonfly. Ra! Ra! Smoky, smoky, ra! Frogs, me! Frogs, eat dragonflies! Ra! I'm not very hungry. So who am I going to be? You can be the beautiful

[00:55:19] princess. I'll have to think about that one. My favourite song is at the end. My favourite song in the shiny show of, you know, what the three songs that they sing is right at the end where they go give yourself a pat on the head. Is it pat on the head? Pat on the front and then pat on the side. Front is if you win, side is if you don't. Yeah, it goes give yourself a

[00:55:49] pat on the front. You won, you won, you won. And if you didn't win, give yourself up and you tried. You tried, you tried, you tried. If we win another award, that should be the thank you to everyone in the room. It's just so passive aggressive. You tried. We should say to all the people who did not beat us, give yourself a pat on the side.

[00:56:19] You tried, you tried, you tried. And see maybe two people in the audience get it and everyone else look at us like we're freaks. Oh, no one will get it. No one remembers this. I barely remember this. I remember liking it. So let's get going. I've got my lucky hat. And I've got my fluffy stuff. And this is Mr. Cheese. Get your lucky thing if you want it. Hopefully the rest of this episode will go some way to

[00:56:48] explaining why we spent 20 minutes at the top talking about property shows because there's just not too much to go on here. We're teeing up the extra Patreon special that's all about grand designs. We're just older than we were when we started. Hey man, I've been interested in property since I was a wee lad. That's not a brag. No, I know. Me and my granddad will drive me somewhere and we will literally spend half of the drive talking

[00:57:18] about property, bricks, landscaping, whatever. It might just be that's what you talk about with granddads. I don't know. My granddad was telling me about the ground frost on the phone the other day. Oh, fair. I talked at length about London brick with my granddad. Oh, I love London brick. Yellow. So, Tix is Sue Monroe. So, Sue Monroe is in a lot of CBeebies things. None of it

[00:57:47] we've heard of. It's all a bit newer. And she was in Play Days. That's the only one I've heard of. But yeah, she's around. Was it 80s Play Days? Ned! Oh, yeah! I got it right. So, it's a shiny for mucka! Dogsby is Sally Presig. So, spoken about her before. She was in the Tweenies. She was Bella in the Tweenies. She was in Bits and Bobs.

[00:58:16] So, she's been in a bunch. Bits and Bobs is the fucking sloughball one. I think Bits and Bobs is a better version of this show. Yeah! Sorry. You might be right. And mucka is Wim Oppenheimer. So, Wim Oppenheimer is in a lot of things. She was in The Hoops. She's in Spitting Image, Star Wars, Yonderland, one of our absolute favourites. And she was also in League of Gentlemen.

[00:58:46] But, I, well, she's been credited as being in League of Gentlemen. But I know that she didn't actually appear in the end because I'm that kind of person that's listened to all the audio commentaries. There is an episode of The League of Gentlemen where there's a one-armed character and he gets a transplant. He gets an arm attached to him. Unfortunately, the arm is a lady's arm.

[00:59:15] And you can tell it's a lady's arm because it has no hair and the nails are painted. And this causes this character a lot of distress. And it turns out the arm is possessed and it's making him do things. Muscle memory. Such as? Exactly. Such as donating to the poor. He's not that kind of character. So it was the arm of a nun, basically. Okay, a nun would not have painted nails. Why not? Not allowed. How do you know? It's like a luxury. Are you 100% on that?

[00:59:45] Because you know, priests are not supposed to fuck little boys. And they were well, I was about to say they were requisitely punished. No, they fucking were. Not allowed. Did it anyway? Is my point. No, fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair. I don't know the rules of every single convent. You said it very confidently. I know you're not supposed to like make yourself pretty. Well, it's not the most unrealistic part of the episode.

[01:00:14] That's very, very fair. What are you talking about? Of course it is. Laura's here. Sorry, for the people at home, you have no idea how many times we've been watching something and I've had to say to Laura, yes, that's the most unrealistic part. We use that phrase all the time. I cannot refute any of that. So they hired a female puppeteer to be the arm on

[01:00:43] this, on Mark Gatiss, basically. And because of all the puppeteering, her arm was kind of like built up. And it didn't really work because she was more hench than Mark Gatiss, right? Not difficult. Oh, that's very mean. That's very mean. Probably all three of us are more hench than Mark Gatiss. That's not fair to say. I think it is. We're all strong ladies.

[01:01:13] So what they did was they shaved, they didn't actually have her appear in the episode. They shaved one of Mark Gatiss' arms, painted his nails, and built up his other arm. That must have been a wonderful day for his self-esteem. We need to hench you up a bit. But like, his woman's arm, which is his actual arm in the show, it's very womanly. Yeah, it works. It works. Yeah. Very slender fingers.

[01:01:43] Oh, I wish I had long, slender fingers. My whole family, I bite my nails, my whole family when I was a kid was like, oh, if you stop biting your nails, you have lovely, elegant nails that make your fingers look all lovely and long. I got fake nails, I got extension, didn't do shit. My hands look the exact fucking same. Do you know what does make your fingers look long? The fact that you have long fingers. Yeah, 100%. Of course. My family were all just fucking lying to me. You should see the size difference between my fingers and Laura's fingers. It's insane. Oh my god, do you remember

[01:02:12] the first time you met my brother and you compared your hand size to my brother's, like my brother's hands like folded half over his hands are so much bigger than yours. He can like engulf my entire fist. Yeah. My hands are tiny. I have nothing to contribute to this, I've got like very average hands. You've got lovely long fingers. You've got lovely mine were a proportional size to my arm. I've got my granddad's hands. I've got my mother's fingers.

[01:02:43] She's got her granddad's hands. I've got my builder granddad's hands. Now if I could get some prison tattoos on them, they'd be matching. You've got your granddad. You've got your granddad. Oh no, I can't. Oh my god. I can't even talk. I was trying to say something funny and I just started it over and over again and never got to. Help me. My guess is you're peaking the volume here, mate.

[01:03:12] I'm so sorry. It's alright. Do you want us to try and say it again? No. And what do you think? Why do they put shiny bars on the table? I think I got that wrong, I think. I think so. I think you've right that. To stop the fudge running away. Oh, moldy cheese. We got it right. Shiny for us, lucky hat. Did you get it right? If you did, give yourself a

[01:03:42] shiny. Are you going to talk about the other dogs be voice actors? No. Because there's three. Can you do that please? Yes, of course. So you had Sally Presig, Presig? I said Presig, but I'm actually not sure, to be honest. I'm sorry. Sorry, I said Presig and bits and bobs. Well, for continuity's sake, we'll say Presig. Presig, cool. So series one is Sally Presig, series two is Sam Mason, and for a one-off Christmas CBBs, it's Liz Frost.

[01:04:11] So Sam Mason is the one I was looking up earlier because I was like, this is kind of interesting, kind of wild. She's a British TV radio presenter and like very short Wikipedia page, very, very short, but it's mostly just full of the bad shit she's done. What? So 2008, after coming off air from her weekday afternoon show on BBC radio, she was suspended

[01:04:41] from BBC Radio Bristol following an incident in which she made allegedly racist remarks on an off air phone conversation during the weekday afternoon show whilst phoning a taxi from in order to order her to send her 14 year old daughter from Mason Clifton's home to her grandparents' home. Yeah, so she was sacked apparently for that. And then in 2003 and 2004, she was convicted for speeding and public order offences while battling

[01:05:10] an alcohol addiction. She was a struggle. My God! She is the ex-wife of millionaire businessman Andrew Bush who was murdered at his home near Marbella by a former girlfriend in 2014. Stop it. Wait, are we sure this is the same for Sam Mason? Because if it isn't, I really don't want to put these things on a different Sam Mason. She clicked through. I clicked through. I didn't like this. Oh my God! In 2018, she was found guilty of assault by Scarborough Magistrates

[01:05:40] Court and given a nine-month prison sentence. That's wild! Okay, I thought this was going to be like, one more boring episodes. Oh my God! Apart from when her husband was killed, that wasn't her. That wasn't her. Fuck me! And she also played Dogspey in the SHINee show. Around the same time that she was paddling alcoholism.

[01:06:10] You can hear it in her thoughts. We didn't watch any of her episodes. I just remember clicking through because not every single voice actor on this had a Wikipedia page. So I was clicking on this one and I was like, oh my God! They just couldn't keep a Dogspey actor, could they? The others, fine. I don't know who Liz Frost is and she only did it one time. Okay, well, high turnover of Dogspey actors, I guess. I wouldn't have wanted to be Dogspey either. No, shit character hater.

[01:06:40] I'm sure this is fun for the people at home. I don't like any of them, but yeah. Yeah, they're all annoying in their own ways. Oh, is that tuna? No, it's chicken. Oh, not a sharp knife. Be careful. Now he's chopping peppers. Those are green. That's red. Right. Okay. And, uh, yellow. Yes, that's right. Sizzle, sizzle, in the wok.

[01:07:10] There, stir-fried chicken and peppers. I had that for my tea. Okey-dokey, diddly-pokey. Right, first question. The peppers in the cooking were three different colours. Name two of the colours. One colour is hard, but two colours. So I have a question for you both, like, if you were making a show like this, like, so there's 91 episodes, right? Yes. So there's not 91 things. My question is, like,

[01:07:39] top five, top three things, concepts you think are the most important to teach a what? Four-year-old? What's the demographic? Yeah. Plumbing? Plumbing? Plumbing? Bricklaying. This is vocational television. Yes, exactly. Glassblowing. I would fucking love to see a glassblowing episode. It's not particularly useful today, today. And horse husbandry. How to change a tire.

[01:08:10] I was a bit disappointed with some of the episodes because I thought they were kind of a bit, the formats pitched a bit younger than some of the topics were. Yeah. And we watched, we were like, well, I'm having a shit time watching this, I'm going to watch the episode about planes, see if we can learn anything about planes. Did we fuck? Now it's going to take off from the runway. There it goes. See? That's a

[01:08:40] wing, but they don't flap. Oh, oh, no. Oh, look, there's another wing. We didn't learn anything about planes. No, because the questions are, which is the bigger suitcase. I remember one of the airplane questions, I'll ask you both now, without having seen the little informational video. What is something that planes and birds have in common? Oh, fuck off. You think I'm an idiot? That wasn't even the question, it was what do birds and planes have in common that they use to fly?

[01:09:09] Oh, apologies. I was disappointed because some of the questions on this episode were like, the first question is, what is this letter? Oh, dear me. It's a big letter, isn't it? They didn't pick an angle with what to teach the kids. So the first question was a picture of the side of the plane, a highlighted letter from the side of the plane

[01:09:38] and what is this letter? It was a B, I remember. It was a B. Yeah. One of them was when you're on a plane, why does everything on the ground look small? Is it A, because everything has been shrunk or B, because it's far away? It's like there was... One of them says because everything's been shrunk. It's TIG, I think. But for me, it was like there's nothing in... These questions don't have anything in

[01:10:08] common for this particular category. You could have learned all of these things in other ways. It was not specific to the theme and therefore what is the point in the theme? That's what annoyed me. I think they're just teaching kids the skill of comprehension. I think they're preparing them for their SATs tests in 10 years. It feels like they're just going, this exists. Yeah. Which annoyed me a bit. At least you could

[01:10:38] actually learn stuff. At least with bits and bobs you see an item you might not have known and you find out what it is used for and how it is used. And it's for a similar age group. So I don't understand why this was just so vague with everything it was doing. And it's not like they'd run out of ideas by the time they did the plane episode. it was number three. Yeah. Or four or whatever. Yeah, it was within the first 10 episodes. Oh, oh, a spade, a spade, a spade, spade, spade, spade, spade, yes.

[01:11:08] So your answer, Mucker? A spade. What do you say, tigs? Well, I think the girl used a spade. Yes. And a bucket. Oh. And your turn. What two things did the girl use to make the sandcastle? I think it was just a vehicle to push shinies. Yeah. It felt like it revolved a lot more around the shiny things than it did about the other things. Yeah. And it was like, no, I want to learn,

[01:11:38] I actually wanted to learn. Aww. No, because some of the categories were things that you might not even know that much about as an adult. Yeah. Do you know what it's giving? It's giving Sir Alan Sugar's recent Twitter activity. So if anyone is on Twitter, you will probably be aware that, you know those like sort of engagement farming bots? He just replies to things on Twitter. Earnestly. Earnestly. So you might not know, you might

[01:12:08] be offline, which is absolutely fair enough. Good for you. Yeah, good for you. So there are these like Twitter accounts that will post very obvious questions. So people, idiots, will answer them and you will get like engagement and that's it. It's like dead into there. And so Alan Sugar was... The purpose is you get paid for it. Right. The accounts get money for it. Yes. And he just quote

[01:12:38] tweets with the answers. It's like you could be doing anything with your time, but you're like an old man. Fucking multi-millionaire CEO business guy. Are you not busy? Yeah, there's nothing for him to do. I saw him the other day quote tweet one that was like there are only two words in the English language that have a double P. Happy and puppy prove me wrong. And he quote tweeted it with apprentice. That's actually good. He doesn't know he's being funny though. He has no idea. He also sometimes gets it wrong. Yeah, I saw that when I was like happen.

[01:13:08] It's just like here's a picture of some nuts. What kind of nuts are these? Quote tweet macadamia. Oh, it was hazelnuts. They were hazelnuts. It was like get a job. There was one. Enjoy retirement granddad. There was one where they said whoa, who remembers these kitchen items? It was like a scale or something. He said not me. No, he said kitchen scales. And then a few weeks later, there was a very similar one. It was like what

[01:13:37] is this? And it was like a pair of scales. And he quote tweeted it and he said, do these people think we're fucking idiots? It's like, Sir Alan, you are because you're not supposed to answer it. So what we're learning is that the shiny show is the perfect show for Sir Alan Sugar. Do you remember when he used to be Lord Sugar and not Sir Alan? No, he was Sir Alan and then he was Lord Sugar. I don't think I've ever called him Lord

[01:14:07] Sugar. He looks like my granddad. Really? Yeah. We were saying the other day, weren't we, Meg, that the golden days of The Apprentice was Margaret and Nick. I loved Nick. Nick is... Is he not there anymore? No, he was replaced years ago because Nick went to present Countdown. Oh, yes, okay. I liked Nick. He always seemed completely unimpressed

[01:14:37] by the bullshit the posh guns were doing. Yeah, he outclassed even Sralen. He just outmogged him in every way. Claude is a gimp. I haven't seen it in a very long time. I really do not like the woman one. Lady Brady of Knightsbridge. But it's Lady Brady of Knightsbridge. How can you not like her? I have a deep hatred of the House of Lords. Yeah, me too. How fucking dare she? Who does she think she is?

[01:15:08] I've had political conversations with my brother and I have to remind him, hey, do you know the House of Lords exists? And he actually didn't. One time we had the conversation and I went, right, cool, we're going to sit down and explain the House of Lords and why Parliament doesn't matter as much as they want you to think it does. She's one of the few people in the world I'd be genuinely delighted if I got to watch her fall down a flight of stairs in that house in Canterbury full of the toilet. Oh no, a much bigger flight of stairs. Down the

[01:15:38] middle of a tube escalator. Oh! Wow! Yeah! She don't get on the tube, Laura, don't be ridiculous. Sorry, we have to bring her in there by the year. My dad once gave a lift to Nick Hewer from Paragon. Oh yeah, because your mum's met him. Yeah, my mum painted a so she took pictures of him in Media City because she was going to do a portrait. She has done a portrait of him and it's a really lovely

[01:16:08] portrait and he came to Hull for an event she was holding and my dad had to give him a lift from Paragon Station to Hull Minster and they bonded over talking about hearing aids and Nick Hewer gave my dad a spare battery for his hearing aid. That's nice. Yeah, they were talking about different models. Your dad is very good at finding things in common

[01:16:38] with people. Oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I've got one, two, there's my score, one, and I've got one, two, so my score is two. I really think that's all we can do on on the shiny show. I hope we've provided some sort of entertainment. A little bit of background. I'm sure some of you didn't know about Sam Mason. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, that's a revelation. Shall I ask the question?

[01:17:07] Oh yeah, go on. Would you recommend a rewatch or watch it for the first time? No, no, because what we're going to do instead is just clip all the funniest bits and put them on our Instagram. That means five degrees and you're already a bit frustrated of being alive. I think if you are the only way either if you're going like the nostalgia route, then this is nostalgic for you, go for it. But if you're looking for

[01:17:37] a show to watch with your young child, that's this kind of teach them things about the world, there are so many of them that do it and do it better, especially because bits and bobs lovely accents. Overall, I do have a fondness for this show. It's the nostalgia

[01:18:07] and it's funnier than I remembered it being. It's definitely difficult to watch, but I had fond memories of it because I loved it as a kid and it's not the worst thing I've ever seen. It's alright, but I just wouldn't recommend watching it now if you never have. Yeah. It's just a bit of a sensory overload. Yeah, absolutely. Yes. But it is all up on YouTube for free, so by all means. It's where it belongs really. Yes, yeah. Right, that has been our

[01:18:37] episode, short and sweet, and we're off on holiday now. Hopefully this has come out at a normal, regular scheduled time. I'll do my best, but I'm missing a week, so if it's late, I apologize. It probably won't be, but if it is, I'll have already apologized on socials, so I've covered every angle. I've covered every angle now. We do not know what we're doing next. It's a surprise to us. It's a surprise

[01:19:07] out of a few options. Yes. We'll turn on the mics, whatever comes out, comes out. Yeah, we've all watched a different show. That's an idea. We've already done that for Halloween a few years ago. Yeah, but we had watched each other's shows. Imagine we all come with one that no one has ever heard of and we're just like, right. We just vamp, we just pretend. What if we did an episode where we don't tell anyone what it is and we rename all the characters and see if people can guess what are talking about. That is such a good idea.

[01:19:37] Would you be interested in that? Let us know. And you can let us know on Twitter at thoughts underscore underscore TV. On Instagram at thoughtstv the O is a zero and on TikTok at thoughtstvpod and you can email us at thoughtstv2002 at gmail.com. We have a Patreon and Discord. They're linked on all socials. Have a good one. Thank you. Bye. Bye.

[01:20:22] This podcast is part of Podomity. The UK's podcast comedy network. Why not laugh at what else we've got? Visit podomity.com.