Smiledriver (Live from Edinburgh)

[00:00:00] Alright champolics, wherever you are in the world right now it's the wrong place

[00:00:05] unless it's Lester. Get there and be ready for short or combat.

[00:00:11] See me live on February 24th at Lester Comedy Festival. Champ Tabulus.

[00:00:24] Ryan Reynolds here from iNt Mobile. I'm proud to offer premium wireless for just real festival audience. Please enjoy this special performance, and if you liked it, visit our Patreon to subscribe for more. Read a file cherry mild pumpkin pie a seed of orange hunger in his eye.

[00:01:41] Resident with the chump.

[00:02:45] And there's a working kitchen right there.

[00:02:46] That's the actual factory. It's, so we've done these little black benches.

[00:02:49] We've done a little rat run for the guys

[00:02:51] that come out of the kitchen.

[00:02:52] So they've got an obvious walkway to, to and from the back.

[00:02:56] And that's why the back row is really bad

[00:02:57] because they're quite often carrying trays

[00:02:59] of raw chicken guts.

[00:03:02] So if, if you want to in your hair,

[00:03:04] you want to in your dress, you guys stay at the back.

[00:03:07] So that's got me, you don't know where the pub wrestling Federation ranks in terms of wrestling kind of you know companies

[00:04:21] you've got the the WWE kind of world of sports Saturday afternoon nanny's knitting wrestling uh lean cuisines like lasagna out of date golden retrievers out of date grown-ups in denim jackets no just just checking the tv show friends swaid waistcoats and perms all all out of date but worse than that the champ has been cancelled every man of the moment

[00:05:40] of telly is the quaking in his boots that it might happen to him first in this morning

[00:05:44] he took a photo of him in his living room feet up on acute cushion with a caption i Not one, not two, but twelve times in a row. The champ just won't fold. His opponent, Gary Origami, wants to say Saya Nara to this one. The champ gets back to his feet, ducks a clothesline, springboards off the ropes, reverse elbow to the head.

[00:07:02] Wow! Gary Origami is out cold.

[00:08:04] I'm not sure ever much, he's honestly 35 years of pub resting. And that one, oh I'll tell you what,

[00:08:05] he's gonna wake up tomorrow with more bruises

[00:08:08] than a plum in the whopsail as do.

[00:08:10] Ha ha ha.

[00:08:11] Hey, I'm listening, I need to,

[00:08:12] but we all need to talk to you.

[00:08:13] No, I just said, damn, I'll talk to you to my fans.

[00:08:15] Yeah, look, I couldn't have done it without you.

[00:08:17] Yeah, thank you very much.

[00:08:18] Peter, you have cried out to me, not be the largest,

[00:08:21] but the love you put in me is the nicest thing

[00:08:23] I've ever put in me.

[00:08:26] Yeah?

[00:08:27] You bleed from me. pictures we like a little payback ladies and gentlemen oh let's do it oh look here copy of our first novel better read than dead still available potato with red painted on it but men and women have died over this. Walkers crisps have been trying to get their hands on it for years. It is one of a kind. It is the legendary Bloods Bud.

[00:11:02] More powerful than any weapon you've seen in wrestling.

[00:11:05] Forget your ladders, your chairs Korea. Cancelled up. Yeah. Oh, yes. Fear milk last. Oh, fantastic, honestly. I've been busting me out for 35 years and now just think of the column inches I'm going to get from this. Amazing. Yes, no, you will, but what it means is your career is finished, your reputation is in

[00:12:23] tatters.

[00:12:24] You're done.

[00:12:25] You're over.

[00:12:26] You will never work again. I remember in that moment and you were gyrating over a face. I remember what you said. You said, Eilov, Gifted Flour has lost a couple of days. Gifted Paralysis, lost a lifetime. I remember that. I think there was that time before you met me, when I followed through in Ring.

[00:13:40] You're not.

[00:13:41] It upwards to us all, doesn't really sound same, does it?

[00:15:03] That's ridiculous. I can't believe they can't do Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[00:16:20] Oh, yeah.

[00:16:21] Oh, yeah.

[00:16:22] Oh, yeah.

[00:16:23] Oh, yeah.

[00:16:24] Oh, yeah.

[00:16:25] Oh, yeah.

[00:16:26] Oh, yeah.

[00:16:27] Oh, yeah.

[00:16:28] Oh, yeah? But like shit, it's an holiday, I always come back, yeah? And it's not just me, it's all of us.

[00:17:41] And after a break, I'll express my feelings

[00:17:43] on the matter due to the medium of sung.

[00:17:46] CHEERING Smell it? Wrestling with the champ. Oh yeah. Shh. Shh. You see, demo. Restless. Never really retire. We just come back stronger. Time and time again. Yeah? Like who? Listen and learn, Kido. Well, as edging Christian, I see him punk.

[00:19:02] Goldberg, Tevich Funk.

[00:19:03] Beth Phoenix, Daniel Bryan, what else do I have to say? Restless, Doritaya, they just come just don't think you can get uncanceled well you can start with shake milk go on the phone to him I'm a call and get back in P. W. I listen. Oh Yeah, it's not I talk to him, but I'm not sure it's gonna change his mind I think you should listen to me damn. Oh, you should know by now listening is my biggest beer. Give me a beer. I was a big team

[00:22:47] Don't let it just blow away. For if I should be forced to leave wrestling for good, then I shall change my name to Mr

[00:22:55] Les Misrable.

[00:22:57] 42 depressed street cancelled on Thames. We do that well because I need you demo your my friend. Yeah, let's let's go for that Oh, yeah, oh wicked. Oh, maybe he's must be back already Tyson furry Tyson furry the seven foot four boxer God heads to toe in a thick luscious shadpail like chew back around steroids Like like bongol with a perm a bongol. You watch that rainbow, right dead good in it

[00:25:26] I'll tell you what you can do, Dema. You can take your phone and you can go. Go! No, I don't want to go!

[00:25:29] Just go. No! I don't want to go. We can fix this, you know. We can still be mates.

[00:25:37] Mate, mates don't take 3%.

[00:25:40] 10%. Come on, mate. I'm moving into a't it? Because I'm with the youth. You, you, you, you. So, let's see if you can pass the test that we are free. So I'm going to ask you a couple of questions about Macarean. And you see if you can get them right.

[00:27:00] All right. So our first question is all about pain.

[00:27:03] We know the rest of us, the pain is real.

[00:27:06] Yeah. C, mock the cheek, what we saying? B, it's saying B. Do we remember the song ladies and gentlemen? Because he's right, ask the dirty on the left hand side, ask the dirty on the left hand side, good man. OK, one more question, here we go, get this right. And he's through to the next round. All right, so final one,

[00:28:20] CC, celebrity crushes, right?

[00:28:23] Who is my embarrassing celebrity crush?

[00:28:27] Is it A, Alexa? We're going to be in the game. We're going to be in the game. We're going to be in the game. We're going to be in the game. We're going to be in the game. We're going to be in the game. We're going to be in the game. We're going to be in the game. We're going to be in the game. We're going to be in the game. We're going to be in the game. We're going to be in the game. We're going to be in the game. We're going to be in the game. We're going to be in the game. We're going to be in the game. We're going to be in the game. We're going to be in the game. We're going to be in the game. We're going to be in the game.

[00:29:40] We're going to be in the game.

[00:29:41] We're going to be in the game.

[00:29:42] We're going to be in the game.

[00:29:43] We're going to be in the game.

[00:29:44] We're going to be in the game.

[00:29:45] We're going to be in the game.

[00:29:46] We're going to be in the game.

[00:29:47] We're going to be in the game.

[00:29:48] We're going to be gentle with it.

[00:31:01] But he might not be so gentle with you.

[00:31:04] You're your underwear, India! No strings attached unless you're betting on the muppets. No, that tickles! Stop flicking. Start fluttering with Bet Flix. Ah, Bridget Jones too? I'd rather bleed out from a torn scrotum in an exploding barbed wire deathmatch. Ten pounds free bet. New blokes and shield is on.

[00:32:24] Life is short, so Roger Moore. And I'd much rather do it because you never know where you're going.

[00:33:28] Who I am and I want you to meet someone very special this guy if you haven't worked it out yet is mr. Tyson

[00:33:38] Yeah, seven foot four looks much bigger of course does it just a low ceilings they kind of amplify the

[00:33:44] And he has a message come here for you. Yeah, I really miss wrestling with you. I really miss it. I really miss the two of me goes riding together. Pippie out. I really miss it. Hey listen, so what do we do? Tights of furry, ginger ninja, unsanctioned match with a zero hygiene rating like this restaurant. What do you say? What do you say, fellas? Winner, winner gets me the baddest manager on the planet.

[00:36:05] Here we go. History will be made here tonight. Moments before the intergender Skittle final.

[00:36:09] One last chance to dux for the Ginger Ninja.

[00:36:12] But can he bow out with a win or fade away with a whimper?

[00:36:16] Either way, the champ will leave a glittering career behind him

[00:36:20] and cement his legacy as the world's greatest pub wrestler. The bloke who loves the smoke, the mik hucknoll of wrestling, and the pub wrestling Federation champion, the Ginger Ninja! Because he's a ginger champion, Well we now make a wash down line, Where we go belts now just before our dog rock is number one.

[00:37:40] Because he's a ginger champion.

[00:37:43] And tonight, in a gesture of extreme cockiness, Give me about 55%! Time is running up! Yeah! Time! Time! Time! Fusting! That's it! We're drinking off of it! I can really quick-get it into the 19th teenager, and I'll sit out and shred. Hey, wait! It's still got that ball!

[00:39:00] You didn't drink it, did you?

[00:39:03] There you go.

[00:39:04] Ryan, come on, champ!

[00:39:05] Come on!

[00:39:06] You can do it!

[00:39:07] You can do it! objects where we're gonna get where it was the bloods bud Chuck it The champ but I never want to see the inside of a wrestling ring ever again. Hey, chill. I just got a text. Bing! Just got a text. For a shake milk. Matt, what are you doing using text? Get a two-way page of the rock wedge. Shake milk. He says he saw the mattress.

[00:41:41] No, no, no, no, no, no.

[00:41:41] Don't tell me because you know what?

[00:41:43] I'm done.

[00:41:44] All right, I've won the jackpot on every fruit machine in land.

[00:41:47] I've been in every opponent.

[00:42:43] Don't retire. The chump is back, baby, yeah! CHEERING

[00:42:46] Let's find out who was under the mask.

[00:42:49] Oh, long, long, long.

[00:42:52] Dun, dun, dun.

[00:42:54] It's Voodoo.

[00:42:56] Legendary wrestler of the British wrestling circuit.

[00:43:00] Give a massive round of applause.

[00:43:01] You might have seen a Miss Los Ragnarok,

[00:43:03] Lucius, Saurus Britannia, and loads of other places.

[00:43:06] Voodoo! Have a fantastic rest of your friends. Take care everybody. Goodbye! Hey, that was dead good. It's even better to use it rights for it.

[00:44:23] Yeah, it's like the little version of our own show that you can't hear because we don't have to copyright to Billy Joel. piss-filled balloon. Nice. That's the one I'm least thrilled about. Nurates the climax. Of course, naturally. Cheesy costumes, bad music and ridiculous catch phrases. I mean that sounds like a review. It does. Live shows. It does, doesn't it? So we're deep into the weeds on getting

[00:45:40] chorople combat ready. Any money you can give us through Patreon or through our

[00:45:44] co-fi would be really helpful. We've got a few more episodes to go on series