Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
[00:00:01] Hello and welcome to this wonderfully heckly episode of You Should Have Been Here Last Week, hosted by me, Paul Ricketts. I'm all on me lonesome-onesome in this particular one.
[00:00:42] And it's a special episode, it's basically going to be full of horror stories from comedians talking about when things go wrong and specifically hecklers. When they ruin a beautifully well put together routine by shouting out some sort of shit at the perfectly wrong time. And the first two comedians we're going to hear from are Pam Ford and Nick Page.
[00:01:08] My favourite heckling story, I heard this from Will Smith, not the American guy but the English guy, the posh guy that used to wear a corduroy suit with elbow patches on. He looked like a supply teacher. He was doing a gig at the comedy store and some fellow in the audience had fallen asleep and was in a very deep sleep. And Will was on stage doing his set and this fellow woke up and he went, Oh do be quiet!
[00:01:35] And then he realised where he was and went, Oh sorry, do carry on young man, carry on. And that's the biggest heckle I've ever heard! My favourite ever heckle was at Gloucester Guildhall where somebody heckled me not with words but by throwing his artificial leg onto the stage. Now there is no comeback to that. And what made it better was when I picked it up to throw it back, I dropped it because it was still warm.
[00:01:59] So that is a life lesson. If you need to pick up an artificial leg in a hurry, pick it up by the foot end and not by the damp, sockety end. What made it even better was next day I got a phone call from a friend who lives in Gloucester asking if I'd been heckled by somebody throwing their artificial leg. Because it was his next door neighbour who'd come round to explain to him why he'd done it. And he couldn't think why he'd done it, he just thought it would be a good idea. Wow.
[00:02:23] The second two comedians we're going to hear from are our North American friends, Will Hannigan and Spring Day. I don't know, I've had some bad heckles. I, um, oh man. You got me on the spot. I have a bomb story. I have a good bomb story. Oh, tell me that then. Um, I was doing this gig in rural Canada in the mountains and I did a joke about a smart car, which are very uncommon there.
[00:02:53] Everyone drives big, big trucks. And usually Joe does really well because they love making fun of smart cars. It bombs, it bombs really hard. And this is first two minutes of my set. I have to do 30. The dead silence to a sold out room. And then I get off. And, uh, during the intermission, someone from the fundraising team comes up to me and they go, Hey, that was, you know, uh, that we're all part of a fundraising team here.
[00:03:21] And, uh, last week, one of our members got run over by a semi truck in their smart car. Oh, yeah. I was like, you couldn't have fucking told me that. Uh, you couldn't have mentioned it when I brought it up. Did they know about your smart car material? Um, no, I just started telling it. So I think they, they thought I knew they thought I was, they thought cause I opened with it and this had happened to them last week.
[00:03:47] They're all putting on a brave face to come out to watch the show. And I had no idea. This is like eight hours from where I live. So I just drove up there. I was like the smart car jokes going to kill. So, and it's a, well, that's stupid to say, but it's the joke was about getting run over by a semi truck while you're in a smart car. That was the joke. The joke. That was, that was the joke. The joke was literally the thing that just happened. That just happened to them. You ever go back there?
[00:04:15] No, never. I would never, they'd never booked me back. They ran me out of that town. Yeah, I would as well. Well, I thought we were on the same side here. No, when you told a joke about someone. Now I feel like you're an investigative reporter. And they were coming out putting a brave face on it. And then you did that joke. I feel like I'm getting me too right now. Well, yeah. I'm going to explain myself. But that's, I don't know. I don't want to talk to you.
[00:04:42] Just, just, you'll get the train station to go home on you now. I am. I think you should do that. I am. I'm not going to drive a fucking smart car home. Ha ha ha! Okay, worst ever heckle. I was doing a joke where I'm setting up about my husband being more disabled than I am. He needs a wheelchair, difficulty using his hands. He needs a walker, all this sort of stuff. And after each, um, symptom, this woman starts whooping like a football.
[00:05:12] cheering football going yeah yeah and I was like excuse me what's going on and she goes my nephew has cerebral palsy yeah and I was like I I kind of wish you had it right now and everybody went I just don't get it why would you whoop that
[00:05:43] yeah I don't know I think she's been very supportive in the wrong way I suppose I talked about it with my husband and I think he was just excited that maybe her nephew is getting laid I don't know I don't know I don't think you should think about your nephew in that way okay the second two we're going to hear from are Joe Wells and El Boldino
[00:06:13] okay my best and worst second I still wake up at night in a cold sweat thinking about this I was doing comedy club for kids which is exactly what it sounds like they're doing stand-up comedy but the audience are between 8 and 12 it was going quite well I thought I went up I had some excellent material all about bogeys and about going to school and then about 5 minutes in the most like angelic looking child puts his hand up and he says
[00:06:42] excuse me when are you going to tell a joke and he wasn't trying to be unkind he was earnestly asking me when I was going to tell a joke and I still wake up at night sometimes thinking about that yeah I was just saying about backhanded compliments I get them all the time all through my career like that and usually after a show someone will come up to and say do you know what my wife really loved your set which obviously means that I thought you were shit
[00:07:14] the other one I get as well I come off the stage and it's like oh is this your full time job then is it you know and then the other one was oh there was this lady at the back she couldn't breathe laughing at you like no one else but this lady at the back couldn't breathe she was on her own so I just get loads and loads of backhanded compliments all the time all the way through my career but you know what fucking yeah I've just got to say I think you're one of the best
[00:07:43] acts that I've worked with tonight laughing I love that one brilliant that's another one to add cheers Paul laughing and the last pair is going to be Martin Davis and the wonderful Georgina Sowerby right I was doing I was doing a gig once in it was a it was a music festival outside Rotterdam and we drove to the gig and I was on stage playing to about
[00:08:13] 3,000 people I don't think I've died to so many people in my life on my arse and the Dutch are so lovely because they don't because there was a music tent next door so they couldn't really hear me and the Dutch they don't really heckle they go please can you go laughing please please and I said to them I'd love to go but I think I'm contractually obliged to be here for a certain amount of time and also the MC's gone and had a wee
[00:08:44] so I need to look around and see him there before I go but don't worry I'm not going to overstay me welcome at all so I've come off really really upset about the gig said to the promoter I don't want any money you know fine so then we're driving back to Amsterdam and I was on with Andrew Maxwell and I got it into my head that in Holland everything's flat it's flat so we stopped at this petrol station went to use the toilet they couldn't find the key
[00:09:13] to the toilet so we went oh we'll just go and do it in the bushes so I went off to the bushes and I saw these bushes and there was these railings and Andrew went to pee through the railings and I went to climb down and Andrew looked at me and went where are you going and as I looked up these bushes were actually the top of a tree and I looked down and if he hadn't have said something I would have jumped down to my death
[00:09:43] and I imagined it afterwards everyone going did you about Davis he had that bad gig at that music festival outside Amsterdam and he threw himself to his death right so get back in the van driving down still not really happy I thought I'd go for a drink on my own went for a drink on my own and this girl came up to me and said excuse me can I buy you a drink I figured oh fuck here we go it's a lady of the night or some kind of weird
[00:10:12] and I said yeah why and she went because you have a very interesting face and I went okay whatever and it turns out a couple of long stories sure I still know this girl but this was years ago her name is Kathleen she was a pole dancer by night and a rape advisory councer by day she stayed with me that night nothing happened at all but we
[00:10:41] just had a lovely lovely time she had a scooter we drove round up your money oh my don't be silly I went no no no so he said he's goodbyes I went off to the breakfast buffet to get me breakfast and when I came back there was an envelope on my on my on my breakfast table
[00:11:11] with my name on it with my feet good and you took it and I took it because he gone so that's my story yes that's what pros should do you should disappoint people and take the money and I've done it since sometimes when I've said I don't want your money but I always give people three I'll go I don't want it I don't want it and if they say it the third time I go oh fuck it I love it I'll give you three chances not to two chances not to pay me and then on the third one I'll go
[00:11:41] oh fuck it yeah I've earned it I did a corporate recently for a charity and their idea which was such a bad idea was they wanted me to go on while they were serving the food and walk round the tables just chatting to them that would be a table comedy idea well you've had table magic yes why not table it was so and what was funny was first table didn't like me
[00:12:11] second table liked me a bit more third table really liked me but then I thought I can't stay here because there's fucking loads of tables but this table I could have stayed there all night talking to them because they liked me but I think I did about five or six tables and went this is such a bad idea I'm just knocking this on the head came off gave the thing and said to the fella no no right just keep your money left and I think I sent him an email
[00:12:41] saying I hope I didn't spoil the the mood and the night and it was a charity raffle thing and he said no no no I need your bank details oh nice and I just went do you know what yeah yeah yeah fuck it I did earn it yeah so your so your worst heck Georgina it's not for me it's what I've overheard in the box obviously yeah there was someone on stage and they weren't doing very well and a really big guy got up in the second row and I thought we've got some problems so I went out of the box ready
[00:13:11] ready to take him down if you need to take him down and the comedian said to him is there a problem and he just went I just want you to be funny and the other one was a person comedian on stage and they were doing their bit and they were doing okay actually they were doing really badly but from the back this voice just went why are you doing this I think
[00:13:41] the questions are the worst because you can't answer that I just thought that is so cutting the best person I know who dealt with a heckle over here was Matt Green who when he was doing his set there was a person talking in the audience and they just kept on and on and rather than telling them to be quiet he just went ladies and gentlemen the lady at the back is doing the director's cut of my set
[00:14:12] chef's kiss so there you go that's enough tales of woe for one episode hecklers and as I always say at the end of every episode if you've enjoyed this please follow us if you're watching this on YouTube subscribe share like you can do similar things on the on if you listen to the podcast and also
[00:14:41] if you want to buy a coffee for Steve why not he's not done this episode but if you want to give him some money also you could send some money my way I quite like it and as a final message I'd like to say this that support your local comedy club support your local comedian support these people and the best way you can do this is turn up at the club and laugh applaud stamp your
[00:15:11] feet but whatever you do don't heckle and get involved when you don't have to unless you've got something really really funny to say we'll see you on the next episode bye-bye
[00:15:27] this podcast is part of Podomity the UK's podcast comedy network why not laugh at what else we've got visit podomity dot com