In episode five of Dear Mr. Knickerthief, hilarious actress, blogger and creative Riona O’Connor joins Sophie and Jahannah for the 'disgusting' 20’s (with her own diary too). We talk period sex, hormones, making allowances for people who treat you bad and how to put yourself first.
Follow Dear Mr. Knickerthief on Instagram to be part of the show!
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You know, what would you have kids?
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You're just like when you're in the mood, you're in the mood
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period, your fuckin 0. I can happen.
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So rarely or just like, let's get this show on the road, take
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one leg at the show on the road and there's your opening to the
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podcast. This podcast talks openly about
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mental health, sex relationships, and various other
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personal subjects that some people may find triggering.
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Now, I know what you thinking, so I'm just going to explain a
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little bit. Why do you mr.
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Nick, a thief. So basically long story, Rashad
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when I was in year 5, I went to him with my class and a guy came
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in the changing room and stole everybody's knickers.
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So I did what any responsible ten-year-old girl would do.
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And I will a letter addressed to said, local pedo printed it off
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and handed it out around my class.
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It contained some comedy gold if I do say so myself poetic
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almost. Yeah, not only did little Sophie
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rights to local paedophile. She also wrote to herself every
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day in her diary and when we found it, where Like this is
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hilarious. People have to hear this though.
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You're we are Hello everybody. And welcome back to dhimmis,
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Nick Thief with me something great and made you have a James.
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What? And this week, we are going into
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the 20s somewhere with not ventured before.
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It's disgusting. The disgusting 20s.
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And to join us on our adventure. We are here with Rena O'Connor.
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Hello. Hello.
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And it's, so, yes. Tell everybody a little bit
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about what you doing. Well.
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Hi am well, I started off as an actor and then went and had a
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baby and realized that I couldn't go back into the West
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End. If I ever wanted to do bedtime
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again, which some people might think is a gift my life
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absolutely. Want to do it.
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If I was like now. So I found myself with like
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really itchy feet. So I started a Blog and like,
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sort of blogging and vlogging, which is basically an excuse for
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me to sing and talk. Absolute filth on the internet,
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he had talked about Saying and I because I needed to scratch that
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itch. Yeah and so that's what I do.
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Yeah. Yeah yeah.
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Show people my various body parts as well on the internet
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apparently. I'm just over like the body
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positive movements and all of a sudden I'm like in a thong on
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the internet which I never in a million years would have thought
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I would ever do and like I can just hear all the voices back
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home and carry like God she should be showed us for vagina
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now because every time I go home and they're like, No, he would
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close on. It's fine.
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You could put whatever you want. Absolutely, there is a thing.
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Somebody recently with saying how can you be a feminist and
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like pose in a bikini and it's like because that's exactly why
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I should be posing in a bikini. Yeah, it because I'm allowed
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whatever you allowed to be educated and I'm allowed to be
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sexy at. Why have I got to chew?
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Yeah, you go go and people can find you.
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And we're on Instagram and on Facebook at mrs.
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Rina O'Connor or you can Google Rena the unnatural woman.
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Yes, because everyone told me when I had kids, that it should
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come naturally, and I was like there is not a natural about
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this. This is like really freaking
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hurt, like I work on my arse off here.
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Like yeah, so nothing came natural to me was very
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unnatural, which spawned the name was thinking that you'd
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like just what? I unnaturally not Harry or
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something. I'll see that.
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Be great. I mean, that would be.
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I mean, if I never had to wax again, that'll be awesome.
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I'll take that like a natural woman.
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Yeah, she's got hair. Yeah, that's what I read the
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Franklin. Bush urethras, have an edge on.
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Okay, Shall We Begin? Yes.
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Now this is somewhere, we've not dealt before.
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This is my 20s and this is if you've been listening to
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previous episodes of demons - what you should have been, and
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you will know that they've been quite, I sound like quite the
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nerd. You do out of lack of knowing
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what else to call myself. Your just naive and we're just
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just a bit cute like, I dressed. My diary like hi and then it's
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like, hi today. I went to and it's literally
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like this, this changes. Let's see what happened a few
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years. So this is back in February 2013
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before Valentine's Day. Okay, Valentine's Day.
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I went before Pancake Day. Little bit of context, little
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bit of backstory. I had moved to London.
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Recently broken up with her boyfriend of a year and a half
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Brandon, Lee brand new single brand new.
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I'm going to make my name in London, living down south and
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and this is on the set of a movie that never came out and
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I'm an extra nice. Nice.
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Okay. Doing the acting cream, okay.
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First day of filming Noble, and the most embarrassing thing
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ever, Filming for the film Noble today, arrived over at Barrow,
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which was in my hometown. Weirdly, so went back up home
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from London to film honey. I didn't realize how big a film
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it was. I've walked into the place and
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it was filled with costumes and people like a proper movie set
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of drama school and I went and tried on my magicians costume,
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so I was The Magician's assistant.
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This is my role in the film came and they put me in a wasp.
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ER, you know what waspers? Surely right like a wasp corset,
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right? It's in tiny.
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Oh, my God, it was horrible ever.
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I couldn't bend or breathe in the costume is so freaking
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skimpy. I felt so fat and they did my
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makeup and hair and then I got put into an extra outfit.
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So I was also an extra as well as like a little small part in
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the film. Yeah, that's but they kept, my
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bloody wasp Iran. I was so uncomfortable.
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All day, we waited at ages at costume.
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I had no makeup on and felt really self-conscious because
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I'm a spotty cow. Then we got taken by minibus to
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the set where we were fed. We were kept warm on a two of
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us. Basically just giving you like a
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guide for guide. Yeah.
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What happened? And then I breathe.
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Arjun everything then we got taken to a pub.
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We were in for ages and it was freezing.
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Someone eventually came and said they'd lost the light and we
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weren't needed. We'd been sat there for eight
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hours but would still get paid. I was like Yay but it's not so
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bad. We went back and they asked me
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to put on my magicians outfit again so they could take a
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picture. As I was taking it off.
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I'd noticed. I just come on my period in the
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costume. Oh no.
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Yeah. Yes.
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Friggin waiting around all day without any, bloody top buns.
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And I just been caught out. I was traumatized, the lady
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rushed me immediately and to a tap and show me where I could
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wash it by hand. And I was like, and then he over
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it must have happened to other people around the world.
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Surely surely like, give you like new costume, like a tampon.
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Nothing. Nothing, nothing.
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It was all about the costume is all about the costume and
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because this was set in like the 1940s.
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All the costumes are like really, like specific and all
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like, really you've worked in Korea or Japan has an amazing
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seamstress and everything. And, yes, I like the costumes.
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Like, one of a kind. Yeah, so, I got rushed to this
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sink. Obviously, I must have had it
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like, anyway, I needed the Earth to swallow me.
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Me up. Oh no.
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Yeah, the woman didn't seem to mind, but she did go bright,
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red, and made me wash it, until she would touch it again.
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What? But it's just a period.
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I know. But for me, this is like the
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worst thing in the world, I remember feeling.
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So, yeah. And then it says here fucking
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wasps /. And then it says, also, Give me
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a name Sinead. Hmm Sinead had Facebooked me
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saying oh God, I need another name as a man saying, Peter had
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been in touch with her asking what this what he was like, I
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gave my honest opinion on him, so this guy that I've been
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seeing for a little while, right?
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Was now, Peter, Peter was now trying to get into Sinead.
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So Sinead messaged me being I'm like, oh, what's he like what?
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I don't think. So, that was a bit of a horrible
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move from Sinead really well. Yeah.
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I feel like, okay, yeah. And what this wagon to like, I'm
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sorry. And then it says here, this
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explains actually, I gave my honest opinion, text him, he
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asked me out on a date again. So clearly I'm a, I'm seeing
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this guy. Yeah, she's texting this girl
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and she's asking me. What is like, oh my god, did you
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go out with them again? I don't, I hope not.
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No, I don't think so. Sinead is doing my head in.
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Why would you do that? Yeah.
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Why would you do that? But then it does get a little
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bit like Valentine's Day. I ended up.
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Hello, were you still on your period?
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I am a little bit scared. No, I can't.
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Did you just put a towel down, right?
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We'll carry on. Okay, this is Valentine's Day
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2013. Okay, so yeah, another day on
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set, I had my hair done and after waiting for ages, we got
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taken to a coach to the trailers.
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We were fed a fry-up and then taken by another coach to
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somewhere else. A big derelict freezing building
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with no windows. And I was practically in my
00:11:02
underwear as I was playing The Magician's assistant today, but
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all the Wardrobe of people were so nice and kept giving me
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Things to keep warm, I'll watch up the best people.
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So you think, oh, makeup artist wardrobe, makeup.
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Always, I always end up in the makeup trailer or like with the
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hair people. I love them.
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Yeah. Oh, they're always my kind of
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people that every single time. So lovely.
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Yeah, it came to Solomon. We did three takes and it took
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10 minutes and we were done. And so I got managed to get back
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down to London. Got ready in the everyone from
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works, as a waitress at the time.
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And we went out into Kingston. Oh, this is another love.
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Pinterest. Now I'll go on, dude.
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We'll call him Jude. Yeah, dude, was really off with
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me all night and my friend was all over him which was really
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strange. And then my friend, we'd all
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over the bus, stop and my other friend rolled in it.
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Okay? So then we got back to my
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friends house, and, dude, fell asleep on a beanbag and then, oh
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no, I can't read this. I can't go on.
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You have to you started. One know I kind of read it all
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real cushion. Like, what happened?
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I woke up in the morning. Hating myself and felt really
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hostile towards Jude and I don't even know why.
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But the end up closing that chapter
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that was all full of enjoyed reading my diary entries, but
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that was disgusting. That was all right, that's fine.
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But I did have to admit a little bit or a lot of the sock is all
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you getting this up. Is all you're getting.
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I'm gonna go all Valentine's Day.
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Was it? This 1039 is way?
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I was younger. I was about 17, okay, and we had
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a hotel. Oh, teen you have a hotel good
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morning. And we went back to the hotel
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and but we turned off the light because obviously 617 with a
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kraken body but you going to cover it.
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Because you're too scared. Yeah.
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And so we turned off the lights on pletely and it was quite hot
00:13:51
in the room and we're getting getting down to business and
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then I did member thinking the time like on really sweating me
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wet Ever because my boyfriend at the
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time went and he stood up and he ran locked himself in the
00:14:21
bathroom and couldn't stop making sounds.
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And I felt so horrible. Oh, I just know how we could
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leave in. Like it wasn't even worth
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attempting, we just left the hotel.
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So that's more like cleaning people who would have come in
00:14:37
the next day would have seen and they would have been like, they
00:14:40
would have come in look to the floor and then looked at the
00:14:42
walls and then under the ceiling and I Can Only Imagine The thing
00:14:47
is with period sex, it's like at the start, the idea is horrible,
00:14:50
you're like, there's absolutely no way like you, you start off
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and, you know, start kissing her over, you like this and it's not
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happening tonight, like I'm on period and then you sort of fast
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forward, like five minutes and you're like, well, you know,
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that horny. Now if you're like fucking and
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then, you know, you crack on and you just go Like you sort of
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can't like you probably can't move position that much.
00:15:19
I know. Yeah.
00:15:20
Yeah. Rolled a one bruise?
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You probably have to just do the one, two, tops, maybe.
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Don't it down. There's an exam and they don't
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you probably have to like cocoon yourself in the towel.
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When you finish the two of you bring like rust in the toilet,
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roll to the bathroom for a thing.
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Then you whip out the towers. I was easy to clean the
00:15:40
bathroom. We just wanna get it on the bed
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like I'm the walls, you know, tips from Reno.
00:15:48
Yeah. You know what?
00:15:51
When you have kids you're just like when you're in the mood to
00:16:02
the podcast, I wouldn't I wouldn't absolute
00:16:14
wouldn't have it for years, I Oh, no little blue merely.
00:16:18
It's like what? Ten, maybe more than ten years
00:16:20
later? It was the first time I had it
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again. Yeah, it is a little bit.
00:16:22
It's one of them things. Like I, I think it doesn't
00:16:26
bother you as a woman because you see it and you deal with it
00:16:28
every friggin month, right? Yeah.
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But for some men like that. It's something that like, no, I
00:16:34
can't do it, I won't do that. I won't do that.
00:16:36
But some men are like, I genuinely do not care.
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Like, I've spoken to friends to like, ya know, he does
00:16:40
everything when I'm so my period and I'm like, well, Fair dues
00:16:43
that. I mean, I draw a line.
00:16:46
But yeah, I mean, yeah, but it's but it's one of the most natural
00:16:51
things that is the most natural thing.
00:16:53
It's, yeah. Being a woman is, it's how we
00:16:56
get life, right? If life does not exist without
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woman having her period, right? I mean, I had a script, someone
00:17:04
was there supervising, a script that I was writing recently and
00:17:07
I wrote in a scene about a girl. She just mentioned are talking
00:17:10
on the toilet, she mentions about, okay, when I changed my
00:17:12
pad and he questioned it. He was like why have you put
00:17:15
that in there? I was like.
00:17:16
Because that's what you do when you're in the toilet.
00:17:18
Yeah, it's really normal. Yeah, he was that is it for like
00:17:21
a shock effect was like, no it's just life and I think it needs
00:17:25
to be shown exactly for this reason because it's weird to you
00:17:27
but it's not to us. So we need to like normalize
00:17:29
that yeah completely. I think that's why you need more
00:17:31
women writers. You need more women writers in
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the room of every all of the writing rooms because what we
00:17:37
find normal and what we find funny, like men just can't
00:17:40
relate to you because they've never seen it and because
00:17:42
they've been predominantly the writers of everything for so
00:17:44
long. Nobody's.
00:17:46
Supposed to it. So that's why we need more
00:17:47
women. Yeah, and I think like, what's
00:17:49
really nice as well as about like the me to movement and
00:17:52
feminism becoming more widespread and not seen as this
00:17:54
like man-hating thing. It's just feminism was just
00:17:57
really normal. It's just actually we're all
00:17:59
equal. That's the end of it, but that
00:18:00
means we're normal normalizing. Talking about period.
00:18:03
So like teenagers now we'll just chat about it.
00:18:05
It's not, it's not as big a deal where it's like, when I was a
00:18:08
church like a child, a teenager, The Mention Of like, and that's
00:18:11
what I miss on African Mango. So to know what I mean, 10, 15
00:18:14
years ago, like You would never ever mention periods.
00:18:19
Like, oh my God, remember, I used to get really bad periods
00:18:23
and school and I knew like the minute it came out.
00:18:26
I knew I was going to get crippling pain and I would be
00:18:27
like, immobilized for at least three hours.
00:18:30
I would never tell anyone. I would let you grab my bag and
00:18:32
leave school. Just leave school.
00:18:34
But you couldn't tell anyone because it was just
00:18:36
embarrassing. And yeah defying, it was like
00:18:39
talking about this discuss terrible thing but it's not as
00:18:42
like you know what, 50 percent of the population have it has it
00:18:45
and life. If would not occur without it.
00:18:47
So I took my the dreary days to tell my mum died.
00:18:50
Come on my period because I was so embarrassed.
00:18:52
Yeah. Yeah.
00:18:53
My mom was up. Why would you not tell me?
00:18:55
Yeah, but it took me three days to tell her.
00:18:57
Did that was just down to my own.
00:19:00
I don't know. Embarrassment, like my being, I
00:19:01
don't know understanding it. Like, it is something to be
00:19:03
ashamed of, but yeah, that's not my, the has really good.
00:19:06
Like, now I sent him out for tampons and, like, sound like
00:19:09
pads and stuff, and he's like this, if he comes back and he's
00:19:11
like, you cause we're just like, yeah, I just need some time with
00:19:14
whatever. He's like there are like Well,
00:19:16
different kinds. What do you know, let's send
00:19:19
them pictures at the shop like what?
00:19:21
I would like a heavy flow small for with way that no wings.
00:19:46
He was quite embarrassed to get them for me if you're at the
00:19:50
shop and you grab me them. He was like, Ashamed.
00:20:22
His I've recently come off the pill for like first time in like
00:20:26
10 and so I'm having periods again for the first time I feel
00:20:29
like I'm 16, I'm like, wow, I got my flow.
00:20:31
How was your hormones? Yeah, crazy.
00:20:34
Horrible is meant to look at spotting I get crumbs and the
00:20:36
boot your boobs. Hurt, right.
00:20:38
Boobs hurt. So much.
00:20:39
They got they got rocks in them. Oh my God, it's like going back
00:20:42
to like being. I'd like a woman with that.
00:20:45
All this man inflicted frickin hormones on us.
00:20:47
Like yeah. Is that like, you know, the male
00:20:50
pale isn't it? They have all the same side
00:20:52
effects. Has the female pill, right?
00:20:54
But they were, they were, it was completely like, it wasn't even,
00:20:57
it didn't go past taste testing because of the side effects,
00:21:00
right? Oh no men get headaches and they
00:21:02
get cramps. And so, no, we can't possibly do
00:21:04
it. Whereas, when you're just like,
00:21:06
all of the side effects is like, what is for a woman?
00:21:08
It's fine, the paradise, there is a new mail pill now coming
00:21:10
out. Hope that next year that they're
00:21:12
like, never hate. Yeah.
00:21:14
But they've all paid and it's like ready for thing, but, you
00:21:17
know, my husband was really good.
00:21:18
He was like, yeah, I'll try. It's like to see what I'd like,
00:21:21
maybe give it a year. And see what everybody the thing
00:21:23
is and it is he was like I'll try it and I immediately I went
00:21:27
oh no no no, don't you try it? And I was like oh wait hang on I
00:21:31
personally I don't take I don't like what hormones do to my body
00:21:35
and nothing agrees with me, I've tried everything.
00:21:38
So I'm just I like having out on my phone so I know like when's
00:21:42
good ones not and I was really careful.
00:21:44
Blah, blah blah but I'm yeah, it's funny isn't it?
00:21:48
And like for johana she's literally obviously you've had
00:21:51
that long without it now she's got Back to like that.
00:21:53
Teen thing. Like my hormones have settled.
00:21:55
So I don't get as bad PMT now and I do now.
00:21:58
Yeah. Yeah.
00:22:05
You really normalizes you and I go.
00:22:07
Oh, you're crazy too. And then now I'm not and I cry
00:22:15
all the time when I get released then he's kind of I think he's
00:22:18
enjoying the fact that I'm like losing it a lot more.
00:22:21
I love it though. I feel like because I don't take
00:22:23
anything anymore and when I first became pregnant, and when
00:22:28
I first started, breastfeeding my hormones, I feel like my
00:22:31
hormones. Got to a normal stage for the
00:22:32
first time, like, in my adult life ever.
00:22:35
Wow. Like, because I think I went on
00:22:38
the pill when I was 16 and, and then took it for what, like 15,
00:22:42
18 years, whatever. And and then when I came off
00:22:45
first and then got pregnant, and I think like, my hormones as
00:22:49
like, what I would have considered like me normal, but
00:22:52
that was Me on the pill where I go up and down up and down.
00:22:55
I was really like, I'd have really like, just like, you
00:22:58
know, mid normal, and then depression, or normal is boring,
00:23:00
but then the minute I got pregnant, I was like my hormones
00:23:03
were like, oh, hey, you're normal now.
00:23:06
And at my moods are stable, I like everything is like it just
00:23:09
goes in a straight line rather than, like, a freaking up up and
00:23:12
up like one of those heart monitor.
00:23:13
And so it's amazing hormones, fascinate me, I think, like, if
00:23:19
I could bottle and sell, whatever the hell is going on in
00:23:21
my body, when I'm Organs of breastfeeding.
00:23:23
I would be so rich. Yeah, so right, you know a
00:23:27
doctor once said to me and I've got polycystic ovaries.
00:23:30
So and they said to me, and my skin is always been bad like,
00:23:34
fake because of that, and they said to me, the only way that
00:23:40
everything, the PMT, this everything that might get fixed
00:23:43
is for you to get pregnant and they're like and then that might
00:23:45
fix it. I was like, well that's not
00:23:47
really a solution. Your diary are for my daughter
00:24:09
but my diary is like I could, I am, I mentioned, are my
00:24:13
twenties. I suffered really badly from
00:24:14
depression and I used to write a gratitude Journal because it was
00:24:18
the thing that made me like just come back to life.
00:24:23
Some sort of like neutral groans, you mean that you just
00:24:26
stopped me sinking through the floor of, like, what the fuck am
00:24:29
I doing? How am I gonna get out of this
00:24:30
hole? And then you do gratitude,
00:24:32
journals, like actions, you know why?
00:24:33
I'm good. It's fine.
00:24:35
It's fine. I am warm.
00:24:37
I am dry. I have friends, I have a house.
00:24:40
Jonah mean, everything's fine, but I asked if you thought
00:24:42
that's what you brought in with you to that is it but it was
00:24:44
just a gratitude journal and it's like it's a says something
00:24:47
it says like the most simplest of things like I'm like every
00:24:51
single day. Because I looked at it today for
00:24:53
the first time in years and years and years.
00:24:55
And every single day I write, I'm, I'm grateful for Ramble
00:24:59
Balki and who else was a rather Dark One Barney the dogs.
00:25:04
Like, for me, like dogs were just this aggregate just this
00:25:08
great source of like, okay, no, it's okay.
00:25:11
I have love. I have a daughter.
00:25:12
I don't know. I don't know what we did to
00:25:14
deserve dogs. They're so good.
00:25:17
They're so good. And I just used to put like
00:25:19
quotes in them that I'm It seems really like, you know,
00:25:23
wishy-washy consider what we've just been talking about.
00:25:25
But like I used to put things like the foolish man.
00:25:29
Seeks happiness in the distance, the wise, grows it under his
00:25:31
feet. So rather than constantly
00:25:35
wanting and trying to, you know, aim for X y&z, which of course,
00:25:39
is a really good thing as well, but also you've got to just look
00:25:43
at what you have and go actually, if not, like, if
00:25:46
nothing changed, I am fine. I am.
00:25:49
Okay, if nothing changes. Everything is actually fine.
00:25:52
Everything that I want. And I wish for is just a bonus.
00:25:55
So, like, that's how I used to sort of grown myself and things.
00:25:58
Like, there's another one, the grand Essentials of happiness.
00:26:01
I didn't make this shit up, by the way, these are quotes.
00:26:03
Like, I didn't write, you know, I didn't find, I didn't turn
00:26:07
into room me or anything like, you know, and as you know, but I
00:26:11
like this one, the grand Essentials of Happiness, are
00:26:13
something to do, something to love and something to hope for.
00:26:18
So I always feel like you have to have a busy brain, that's why
00:26:20
I always felt like, you know, that Old adage of, you know, if
00:26:24
you feel crap, there's no point in, you know, staying in your
00:26:26
bed for three days which I did have to do at one point or two
00:26:29
points like a few have to do that as well.
00:26:31
But also you have to go you have to do the simple things like a
00:26:34
fresh air go and get yourself some to eat a nice hot drinks.
00:26:37
You know, but walking and all that stuff that people say it's
00:26:40
all true, but I think you have to do all of the things like you
00:26:44
have to hope you have to have ambition, but you also have to
00:26:48
be like, you know, nurture yourself where you are wrong and
00:26:51
being like, Like if something changes tomorrow, I'll be happy.
00:26:54
Because you won't. You have to like, figure out
00:26:56
what makes you happy in the now, I think there is the fact that
00:27:00
like I found that so helpful when I was really ill.
00:27:03
And and I always if I go to a place of like feeling funky, I
00:27:07
always come back to like gratitude.
00:27:09
I'm grateful for blind roofer blah.
00:27:11
I was like three things and it was really helpful.
00:27:14
So what are you grateful for this week?
00:27:15
Oh my God. What a my group?
00:27:18
I'm grateful for you girls, I'm going to your being here.
00:27:20
I love having chats with other women and I like especially
00:27:23
especially like other performers because I because I don't get to
00:27:28
do that a lot anymore because I work for myself and I work from
00:27:32
home and I do voice overs as well.
00:27:34
But that's a lot of us from home, or I'm in a studio for an
00:27:36
hour and I'm like, hey how are you?
00:27:38
And then I have to go again. I'm like by Mighty ones, I see a
00:27:44
human connection. If we were like, we're gonna
00:27:52
have a Tough party. It's like who's going me?
00:27:55
Just me. So this part of the show is when
00:28:33
we get the public to get involved with us and sending
00:28:37
different pies. Yeah, they go - they send us the
00:28:40
most, their stories, their problems.
00:28:42
So sometimes if it Agony, Auntie, or sometimes it's just
00:28:44
something really embarrassing a bunny.
00:28:46
Okay? And yes, we're going to let
00:28:49
crack on with some problems, and all that was really loud, really
00:28:53
loud, I'm awake. Now, the first problem is going
00:28:58
to be the fact that I Put my knickers on inside out today and
00:29:02
the lace is rubbing. My vagina in a good way.
00:29:06
In a good way. Troy, Eugene's off my friends.
00:29:35
I'm gonna Channel listen to other people's problems.
00:29:37
Okay, right. It's gonna get a little bit
00:29:39
deeper, let's just let me do it, we can do it.
00:29:41
Okay. So it's Anonymous.
00:29:43
My boyfriend was never loved as a child.
00:29:46
He was in care from a young age, and he was got involved in petty
00:29:49
crime and drugs. I try to make allowances for
00:29:52
him. He recently stole from me.
00:29:54
What should I do? And I felt for this person
00:29:59
because I feel like Like, when I was younger, I definitely made
00:30:03
this mistake, but for all the right reasons when you, I always
00:30:08
see the good in people even, like, bad people.
00:30:10
I see. So I see so much potential in
00:30:12
people. Yeah, it is nice.
00:30:14
That I have that like, frame of mine, but it's bad because it
00:30:17
means I do what this person do. And I make allowances for
00:30:19
people. Yes, I, yes, you do that.
00:30:22
I I'm the same. I will always try to see the
00:30:24
good in people. But yeah, you will make excuses
00:30:27
for that person and I was, I remember coming in stepping into
00:30:30
your life in a real shift in your life, and I remember saying
00:30:33
to her being like, that's not an excuse and that is not a reason,
00:30:37
they are fully functioning in a dull.
00:30:38
Yeah, they know what's right? And what's wrong?
00:30:40
And there is no excuse for that behavior.
00:30:42
Whether they had a bad upbringing or award upbringing,
00:30:44
there is no excuse, if you do not have to tolerate, it know,
00:30:47
you don't ya? And because it just based on
00:30:50
from what you told me and stuff, like you've just, you allowed
00:30:53
it. I'm Sophie, the night that I got
00:30:55
dumped. Oh, sweet.
00:30:57
I found out that previous partner had cheated and I packed
00:31:00
a suitcase and I ran out the house and didn't know where to
00:31:02
go. She just was there with a little
00:31:03
suit and I versus Sophie and I was like, my face was all puffy
00:31:07
and I had my suitcase. I didn't know where I was going
00:31:08
to stay that night. That's when I met Sophie.
00:31:11
Oh my God. That's a lie.
00:31:12
Like that story. Isn't it lovely?
00:31:14
I mean it's a sad story but it's a lovely story.
00:31:16
I found out. Well, yeah, well yeah.
00:31:18
I think you meet people because you will you I think people
00:31:21
coming to life because like, oh yeah, they're neat.
00:31:23
You need them. They're supposed to be that
00:31:24
actually my life. It's like it's almost like
00:31:26
there's a stage manager going. Yeah, Debra enter.
00:31:30
Yeah, it's so so hard because I
00:31:47
understand what this person is coming from because you can see
00:31:49
someone and you care about and you just feel for the little boy
00:31:52
or a little girl. Yeah, person that wasn't treated
00:31:54
right. And you see that like all The
00:31:56
front when actually yes, it was. It's all for that.
00:32:00
They were treated like that as a child.
00:32:01
They never got to show love but unfortunately, they were asked
00:32:04
to be aligned where that doesn't actually matter. 100%, I used to
00:32:09
go out with a boy for four years and he was abused as a child as
00:32:13
well. And I remember like when he told
00:32:15
me that I used to make so many allowances for him like he would
00:32:18
literally like it was emotionally draining because he
00:32:24
would He would like lean on me for so much but then the minute
00:32:29
I leaned back. He was gone.
00:32:30
Yeah. Like absolutely gone.
00:32:31
Yeah, exit stage left. And it was one of those things,
00:32:37
you know, it was, it was just so hard.
00:32:39
He was in his words, he's trying so hard and everything was just
00:32:42
hard for him and his life and I know, but I was okay because I,
00:32:46
you know, I didn't have a bad upbringing, I love it.
00:32:48
So I was fine. I was expected to be fine at all
00:32:51
costs and he would do what he won, but I needed to be there,
00:32:54
like the what you've got? The the Stellar pillar of
00:32:58
whatever. And so I was always just
00:33:00
expected to be there and I would always try and this is what I've
00:33:04
definitely learned. Like watching you can you can
00:33:07
and you can help someone and you can understand them until the
00:33:12
cows come home. Like you can like I think that's
00:33:14
that's a definite. It's a female trait.
00:33:16
Like we don't we divide. We delve into the dark depths of
00:33:19
like the bought their mind become.
00:33:21
So but why are they like that? But they had a bad upbringing,
00:33:23
this isn't so this explains her. Or you can explain behavior and
00:33:27
you can understand Behavior till the cows come home.
00:33:30
But it is not your job to like be shot on and you can
00:33:34
understand it, but you don't have to receive it and accepted.
00:33:37
Yeah, Jonah me. Exactly.
00:33:38
Yeah, this is, this is exactly what I said to you didn't.
00:33:41
I like and it's a, not, you know, I've been in relationships
00:33:44
where, you know, maybe their upbringing has a be naughty.
00:33:46
And that, you know, even now like this, it's situations and
00:33:49
issues that maybe haven't been addressed so I ever and but I
00:33:52
have never stood for it and allowed it.
00:33:55
I Stand. And I accept that this is who
00:33:58
you are and part of who you are. But I will not accept you to
00:34:01
behave that way towards me just because of something else that's
00:34:04
happened and I understand it and I get it.
00:34:06
So we address it together and we move forward or we don't, you
00:34:10
know? And that's that's yeah that's
00:34:12
the way I vote. Yes.
00:34:12
It's not your job to it's not your job to fix someone either
00:34:14
know. Like they are responsible for
00:34:16
themselves, like it is and it's also not your job to mother than
00:34:19
like you. You're their girlfriends, not
00:34:21
their mother. So that's me.
00:34:23
Yeah. And they have to take
00:34:24
responsibility for themselves. Yeah.
00:34:25
You know. Yeah.
00:34:26
Tough wanna move on a bit for 50 50.
00:34:28
Yeah, move into them and there's not been an active change to.
00:34:32
Yeah. Meet you in the middle.
00:34:34
Then move on. I would I would say because
00:34:36
there's also as well like that's where I realized that it's
00:34:38
completely fine to have issues. Everybody has issues and the
00:34:41
older you get the dating pool the more baggage we'd bring up
00:34:50
but it has to be just that match of of like I'm gonna have your
00:34:54
back. You're going to have my own.
00:34:55
And if someone is willing to even look at it, then forget it.
00:34:59
I said, yeah, it's fine. It's not work out Force.
00:35:01
Anybody to come to the table. Like you can't if they don't
00:35:04
want to do it themselves and not worth your.
00:35:07
Yeah, good Aura, then it's yeah. Hey, okay.
00:35:11
And all right, here is another very interesting situation again
00:35:17
from Anonymous. My ex-boyfriend was incredibly
00:35:20
homophobic and we're out over his insulting comments and we've
00:35:25
broken up. Up.
00:35:26
I'm a broker. I've heard he is now living with
00:35:28
a man and I'm very angry that he put me through that.
00:35:32
Should I contact him and address this?
00:35:37
He was obviously he was obviously overcompensating.
00:35:40
Yeah. So much.
00:35:42
And I'm done fighting with himself.
00:35:44
Yeah, against being. That was a denial.
00:35:47
Yeah, and but I think more with her, she just want to apologize
00:35:51
like an apology of like it's like she's been the collateral
00:35:54
damage on his journey to accept. Who he is.
00:35:56
Yeah, which is really sad for her.
00:36:00
I wonder what he wants to acknowledge that with her, I
00:36:03
don't know. Like I don't you have to ask
00:36:06
yourself what would it benefit her to have that conversation?
00:36:10
And if he doesn't if he just goes well what are you talking
00:36:13
about? I thought was just a stage of my
00:36:14
life. I was in if he's defensive, he's
00:36:16
not willing to go, I'm sorry. How is that going to make her
00:36:19
feel like these? Are I take the big man to
00:36:22
apologize. Yeah, big person.
00:36:24
But it also feels like he's made peace with himself and I would
00:36:29
be, I think I think reaching out would be purely for her own
00:36:35
gratification and I don't know if it would be necessarily the
00:36:39
best thing to do, I feel like she should take a deep breath
00:36:41
and go. Well, that was that you just
00:36:44
move on from it in a way. I get that it's difficult.
00:36:46
It is her. Yeah relief because you're like,
00:36:48
oh he's not a homophobic bigot. He was just he was just in
00:36:51
denial. Yeah, it's angry and reading.
00:36:55
Yeah, that's really interesting. One that want a fun.
00:36:57
Could you do I think, when you, Ah, so like confused and
00:37:02
conflicted, the first thing you do is the first thing you got
00:37:04
his anger, isn't it? Yeah.
00:37:05
And it is oh no, I hate. I hate this and I hope that and
00:37:08
it's actually the underlying thing is a lot different.
00:37:13
He was really struggling about them and the final piece of
00:37:17
contact that we've had was a funny one.
00:37:20
So I thought I'd save this for last.
00:37:21
Okay, so I mean, my favorite food in the world is peanut
00:37:24
butter, but this story is, I was so that's how I started.
00:37:27
Don't know. My favorite person that I know
00:37:46
while changing the nappy, she saw some peanut butter on her
00:37:49
arm and licked it off. Tell me you've got, you've got
00:38:01
two babies if you ever do you have n, eating poo, as a mom.
00:38:05
I've been, you know who even Aria?
00:38:08
I like it happens. It happens.
00:38:11
It's on your finger before, you know, it, you've done that and I
00:38:14
oh, what, oh, oh God, oh God, oh God, what's happened?
00:38:18
What's just happened? My life.
00:38:20
My God. It's in my mouth.
00:38:22
You just never. You never think about these
00:38:24
things. You become a, it's all of a
00:38:25
sudden you're like, eating shares.
00:38:30
You know, period sex. It's like it's just, it's loose
00:38:33
your downhill. It's but yes.
00:38:36
Yes, no. It doesn't taste like peanut
00:38:38
butter though. So you can't imagine ever
00:38:40
happens. You John it won't ruin the taste
00:38:42
because it doesn't taste the same.
00:38:43
It'll be okay. You'll be fine.
00:38:45
You'll find. I feel like that story is
00:38:47
contraception. It's it's like, I've I wrote a
00:38:58
little thing about this recently.
00:38:59
I was like Like, I find that children like your own children
00:39:04
are like your own shit. Like yeah, you just not bothered
00:39:08
by it, you know, like, you know, your own poo.
00:39:12
And it's same goes for your children's poo.
00:39:14
You don't really mind your own poo.
00:39:15
They other people's poo is vital.
00:39:17
Yeah. Like you don't want anything to
00:39:18
you, don't smell it, you know, a see it absolutely sickening bit
00:39:21
wrong but you're like, yeah, I made that day.
00:40:00
It around. And this girl looked at me,
00:40:02
horrified and said, give me back my shoes Tom.
00:40:06
I've really done them. I lost somebody like, oh, my
00:40:09
God, wait, where are those shoes?
00:40:10
And those are my shoes to buy them.
00:40:25
Yeah. Thank you so much.
00:40:35
A lot, a lot to process. No, right.
00:41:02
Yeah. Thank you very much.
00:41:03
If you like this podcast, then remember to get involved with
00:41:07
it, please. Because we need your help for
00:41:09
the next episode. If you'd like to send in any of
00:41:11
your embarrassing stories or you lagging out letters, then just
00:41:15
contact us at its J's and Craig on Instagram, Twitter and
00:41:19
everywhere else. Yep.
00:41:20
You can also contact the JoJo, a johana.
00:41:23
James, you can contact me at it. Sophie Craig, or you can get in
00:41:26
touch my little website. Www.dreamvisas.com, don't forget
00:41:29
to follow. Arena as well.
00:41:31
How can they find you again? Just so they know you can find
00:41:33
me at mrs. Rina O'Connor on Instagram and
00:41:36
Facebook. Here we go.
00:41:38
Okay, well, carrier pigeon whatever, the current budget,
00:41:41
just let us descend. Johana your confessions are just
00:41:45
stories and we'll just get them. Just get them out there in the
00:41:48
world because I feel like I've divulged a lot today.
00:41:50
Do it. I think.
00:41:51
I feel like we've all over shared.
00:41:53
Yeah. And that's been wonderful.
00:41:55
So there we go. Okay.
00:41:57
Okay, that's it for months. If you've been affected by any
00:42:06
of these issues raised in today's episode or a seeking
00:42:08
professional help, there are lots of amazing people out there
00:42:10
to help. We recommend mind, you can reach
00:42:13
out to them at www.mytoolkit.co.uk.