LTO Brief #11 - This or That

[00:00:00] This podcast was highly commended at the 2026 Golden Lobes Podcast Awards. Nice! I'm Esther. And I'm Susie. And this is Limited Time Only. Brief, a pick-me-up in shorter podcast form. Hello Susan. Hello there, Esther. Are you alright? I've got my Aardman mouth on today. Thank you.

[00:00:24] This is my Aardman mouth. Yours looks like a strange ventriloquist dummy from the 1920s. It's weird, isn't it? It is weird. Oh, I didn't even do that. Stop it now. Don't do it again. Don't do it again. It's frightening. How do you feel? My face is dropping so I think we'll avoid that. So Susan, today I wanted to play a game with you that I've entitled This or That. This or That. That title. However, I did tell my family about this yesterday, what the questions I was going to ask you were.

[00:00:55] And they probably very astutely said, this isn't this or that, that's just yes or no. So we will see. There's a mixture. There is a mixture. Even if it's yes or no, I'm going to answer whether this or that and we'll see. Yeah! Well look, which one's which? It's a mixture question. Things that I would like to know about you, Susan. Oh gosh, okay. Okay. Pineapple on pizza, yes or no? We can't elaborate.

[00:01:22] Well, it's a yes. Yes! Thank you. Yeah. Great. It would be pineapple on pizza or chorizo on sourdough or something. And no, hang on. This or that? Well, no. No, forget the this or that. This is just a question. Do you like pineapple on pizza? I just do. Yes, I do. It's a yes and a this. Yes and a this, yes.

[00:01:49] I do. I like pineapple on pizza. My husband doesn't. He thinks it's weird, but I think I love a bit of hot fruit. I love a... I was watching videos of hot fruit. Were you? What were they doing? Well, I was researching for a sketch and I went down a bit of a rabbit hole of sensual fruit adverts. What? Oh, okay. It's very suggestive. Did you ever see... Pineapple, yeah. Did you ever see the...

[00:02:18] They did a brilliant adaptation of The Life of Barbara Windsor that was out in the 90s. Samantha Spiro played her. And every time she'd go to Sid James' porter cabin, or any woman that went to his porter cabin, he would get them to eat like a passion fruit, but like it was kind of legal. Yeah, and he would... So he would get all the young women to... And so then he took Barbara Windsor in, allegedly, and then she went, I know what you're doing!

[00:02:44] You know, and yeah. So that was suggestive fruit. Passion fruit and... Hot fruit. I mean, it's a good name for an album or something. What? Hot fruit. Oh yeah, hot fruit. Yes, yes, yes. I'm going to write it down. Hot fruit. Yes. I'm not going to tell you where my brain went. I thought you picked another of the words that I said. Mint choc chip ice cream. Absolutely this. Oh, really? No. Oh, my estimation has gone down.

[00:03:13] Well, no, your estimation... Esther's estimation. The estimation is... I don't like mint choc ice cream. It's weird for me. Okay. I think we should do a poll. Poll? Poll? Poll or poll? Poll? Poll? Poll? Poll? Poll. Let's do a poll. Poll. Part poll. See what our audience say about these things. Mint choc chip mint? Let's do a poll. Ice cream for me is a no. Okay. Well, you're wrong.

[00:03:44] Cream or jam first? Obviously jam. Thank you. I mean, Dawn French agrees. Yes. So whatever Dawn French says, go... I mean, forget the Devon Cornwall malarkey. It's Dawn French. Dawn French is the... Is correct. And sometimes, you know, like you might want butter, jam and then cream. I mean, it would be a pretty heart heavy day. I think that's too much dairy. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I'd want that.

[00:04:14] I don't think I'd want that. But my family say it's because the cream is the fat. So you put that down first and then you put the jam. But I just can't understand the logic of that. Well, they're using cream as a replacement for butter. Exactly. Very different consistency. It doesn't really work. No, I don't. I completely agree with you. I tell you what doesn't work. It's because it seeps into the scone. Yeah. It would seep in, in a rather disgusting manner. It needs the jam to act as a barrier for it

[00:04:42] to then sit upon in an alluring manner, which you can then eat. And then you've also got the nice, yeah, the, the, the levels of very soft, slightly, slightly harder and then hard scone. Susie, you have articulated something that I fail to because my family don't agree with me and they take the piss out of me mercilessly and say I'm wrong, which riles me up. So then they wind

[00:05:07] me up even more because they enjoy it. But I'm going to write that down. They are that's. You are my that's. We are this's. We are this's. Do you say scone or scone? Scone. It's gone. It's gone. I don't know. Do you say scone? I'd say, I say, I think I say either. I don't think I've got a definite on that. You know, I'm not going to be snobby about it because I do think it just entirely depends which part of the country you're from. Yeah.

[00:05:35] I'm not, I don't, you know, there is a place in Scotland called scone, spelt the same. So I don't like, I don't like saying scone. Why? Is it? Is it? It just feels wrong. Okay. Scone. Like, I don't know. Is there other, other, other words? Are there other words that cause as much division as the scone scone?

[00:06:05] Are there other things people say regularly? I mean, I say scone on a daily basis. I mean, people like vase and vase. I don't like it when Americans say vase. I find that annoying. But yes, it's a weird one. Did the queen say scone? I'd have thought so. Yeah. I don't actually know which is considered the high and which is considered, you know. I don't think it's high or low.

[00:06:32] I just think it's, I mean, maybe rummies say scone and I'm just weird. Um, I don't even know what I say. I think I say, I think I say both scone, scone, scone, scone. I really don't know. Do you think it's more Northern to say scone? I think it probably is. Yeah. I'll have a scone. I'll have a scone. I'll have a scone. Scone. Scone. I'll have a scone. I mean, there's multiple ways to do it.

[00:07:00] I'll have a scone with some jam and cream. Yes. I think that, yes. Yeah. I'm going to go for that. It feels wrong for me, but that doesn't mean it's wrong. No. I'm just intrigued by that. Unlike, unlike cream first then jam, which is wrong. Yes. Absolutely. Um, where do you put your salt on your plate? Do you put it on the side in a little pile? I don't put it on my plate. Oh, do you put it all over? On what? On anything?

[00:07:29] Um, on, so if, let's say you had a roast dinner. You're adding salt to your plate. Well, would you, would you tip it, would you put some salt over your roast potatoes? Or would you put a little bit on the side so that you could add a little bit of salt? I probably wouldn't have salt. Oh, really? Uh, no. It's supposed to depend on whether the gravy's salty enough. Generally, I don't add salt to food. Unless, I mean, even while cooking very much.

[00:07:58] The thing we do add salt to in our house is a poached egg. Yes. Oh, yes. And then it goes right on top. Yeah. What about chips? Chips. Because I've not really thought about it before. And now I will. Well, that's something that I want you to have an existential crisis about.

[00:08:24] So, when I was a little girl, my parents would always say, put a bit of salt on the side of your plate and then you can dip into it if you feel it needs it, but don't put it over the rest of your food. That's very good advice. Apart from chips, obviously, when you just bang it on. Yeah. But, and as you say, an egg. I have to have salt on an egg. But, um, but I know lots of people that just put salt all over their food. Like Guru Sue, she salts, always salts her food. She has quite a lot of salt. Yeah. Yeah. Pours it all over.

[00:08:51] And, um, I was sort of raised, put a bit on the side and then you can. You just have to be careful, don't you? Because if you overdose, overdo it, it's disgusting. Yes. You sort of know when you've had too much salt, don't you? Have you ever licked a pink Himalayan candle holder? I always keep wondering what you're going to say. Have you ever licked a pink Himalayan candle holder? Yeah, they're pink Himalayan salt candle holders and they're quite, or they were quite fashionable. I have never heard of this. And I've been a thrifted one and I licked it just to see if it tastes like it.

[00:09:21] It is just salty. Well, I'm going to get myself a pink Himalayan candle holder. Well, I've got two, Sue, so you can have one. And if you feel like you need a bit of electrolytes or something, you can just lick your candle. Well, I mean, there's some more good advice. Yes. I did have some electrolytes this morning because I felt completely dehydrated. Hadn't been licking my candle holder. No. Lick that candle, Sue. Lick that candle holder.

[00:09:51] Lick that pink Himalayan candle holder. I just want to. Oh, sexy lady, come dance with us. Come lick with us. Dogs or cats, Sue? Oh. Do you know what? In years gone by, I'd have said neither. Yeah. I hate all animals. No, I don't hate them. David. David Attenborough. Oh, okay. He's over there. I'm just very allergic to lots of animals and have no time for them. Yeah.

[00:10:18] But we have got a cat who I mostly like. But I do really like dogs now as well. I don't know what's happened to me, quite honestly. And I hope one day to have a dog. Yes. A hypoallergenic one. But I would like a dog in the future. Yeah. And possibly wouldn't like a cat. Oh, really? He'll be alive for another, I don't know, 15 years or something annoying. Yeah.

[00:10:48] No, I love him most of the time. Most of the time. So let's say both. I'm going to say both. I've gone from neither to both in the space of about five years. That's quite a transformation, isn't it? It is. I also now like a bath. I've always been both. You are. I also now like a bath and I would have said never have a bath. Oh, Suze, I've always been a bath girl and I've always been an animal girl. I love animals. I feel very connected to them.

[00:11:16] I cry about doghouse and stuff like that. I just love animals. I've always wanted an animal when I was little. Are you an extrovert or an introvert? I'm probably an extrovert, but I think it depends on the day, doesn't it? Ambivert. Oh, is that both? Yeah. Is that what an actual word? It is.

[00:11:43] I think that's probably I always when I was little, I think I was actually quite introverted. And then when I got to high school, I thought this is not serving me. So I created this very lively persona, which was I could be like that at home, but I think I just cranked it up a bit too loud for a few years. But I realized that I love being with people and I get a lot of energy from them, but I can't do it in short bursts. And then I need like four or five days of nothing to recoup.

[00:12:12] And I can't, I need my own space and I need quiet and I've got a battery and it doesn't last very long. It burns very fast. Yeah. So I'm life and soul of the party and then that's it. No, no, no. Like a Himalayan candle in the wind. Yes. I think it depends how comfortable I am with people. Yes. I can be hugely uncomfortable and self-conscious and introverted.

[00:12:42] But if I'm happy and comfortable, I'm just super annoying and take over. Exactly. Yeah. I think I'm similar. Yeah. It's weird because I have said to people, oh, I sometimes feel so uncomfortable and I don't know what to say. Oh God, awful. My mouth is stupid. And a lot of people don't say they can't imagine that, but I think everybody experiences it, don't they? Yes. But it is weird when people think, yes, they can't imagine that because they think of you

[00:13:10] as a set, but that's, but I would say, well, actually I am like that with you because I feel comfortable and the situation that we're in together, I'm, I feel happy and comfortable, but so many, I mean, networking makes me want to drill a hole into the ground and sink. Really? Oh, I always think you are brilliant in those circumstances.

[00:13:32] No, I'm quite selective and I would rather spend an hour talking to one person than have to negotiate a room full of people I don't know. Yeah. Mainly because I can't be arsed with small talk. No, I can't bear it. I should remember, maybe we get badges just saying, if you want to talk to me, don't start with the weather or I don't, I like to chat. Don't do small talk. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:14:02] You should do that. Well, do you know, I was going, I had talked about when it was lockdown, I'd said to my husband, I really miss people. I'm going to invite all of our friends and I'm just going to hire somewhere that's pretty cool, but it's quite inexpensive to hire. And I'm going to get a DJ and I'm going to send invitations out. And on those invitations, I'm going to write, you don't need to come and thank me. You don't need to come and ask me how I am. You don't need to make small talk with me.

[00:14:30] I just want to be in a room with you all and dance, but I don't want to be the focus of the room. So don't make it about me. Don't think you have to bring me a gift or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I just want to be in a room with you all dancing and having a laugh. But don't you think that will make people feel a bit weird about approaching you? I don't give a shit anymore. My Eastern is dropped off a cliff. I don't give a shit. I'm all about setting your boundaries now. I'm getting to that point where my Eastern is declining and I am just up for being very direct at the top of a conversation as much as possible.

[00:15:00] Or just like, I think a lot of them would feel like it. Like, oh, I think a lot of people feel like that now, don't they? I think we should actually get these badges made. I think we should think of a good little thing. Yes. And it would, it would save so much time if, you know. No small talk. Yeah. Like people have on their front door, don't drop a leaflet off. I love chatting. I don't do small talk. Yes. Or something like that. Yes. Because I do love chatting. Yeah, I love chatting.

[00:15:30] Well, I would have to go and it would have to be straight into like a deep question. I don't. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's a good idea. Yeah. Right. Last few questions. Okay. These are this or that. Okay. Okay. Good. So seaside or countryside or city. So this or that. It's not this or that. No, I know. I suppose it is in a way. Rank where you'd like to live. Where I'd like to live. Let's go. Oh, it might have changed.

[00:15:58] So let's go in a few years time. Countryside. With the seaside close. That's also a city. No, I don't think. Basically, Edinburgh. Countryside, I think I find it too almost claustrophobic. I like to be where there's some stuff happening, but I would like to fly the sea. Yeah. So you will go. You're just basically having all three then. I want all three. Okay. Film or book? Book. Tea or coffee? Tea. Chocolate or sweets?

[00:16:28] Chocolate. Chocolate or crisps? Chocolate. Chocolate. And herein ends my weird round that is not this or that. It's just lots of questions. Thank you, Susan Riddell. That. That. You have been listening to... Limited time only. Brief. Small but perfectly formed. Just like... Me.

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